Chapter 5: New Year’s Eve

The Regression didn’t take any days off. Thus, the five of them were forced to once again meet up at their hideout on New Year’s Eve. (But this time they made sure to check for spies first.)

“She’s late!” Inaba spat as she slammed her hand down on her chosen desk.

It was 11:55 AM, and yet there was still no sign of Nagase Iori. Should she be selected for Regression today, if she failed to arrive by noon... there would be trouble, to say the least.

“‘I’ll totally be on time,’ my ass...” Inaba grumbled.

Just then, the door flew open. “Sorry I’m late!” Nagase blurted as she dashed into the room.

“You better be sorry, you dumbass!”

“I really am, I promise! There was a tiny little incident this morning, that’s all!” Her voice sounded as chipper as always, but her hair was a mess, and her eyes were puffy.

“Whoa... What happened?” asked Taichi.

“Like I said, just a really tiny thing. No cause for concern!” she insisted.

Her energy felt distinctly forced.

That day, the Regression struck Inaba and Kiriyama. Their bodies shrank slightly, and their faces got a bit rounder, but other than that, the physical changes were slight (minus Kiriyama’s hair, which shrank to a pixie cut). Taichi estimated them to be approximately middle school age.

Just another day, he thought.

But oh, how very wrong he was.

All of a sudden, Regressed-Kiriyama let out an ear-piercing scream.

“What is it?! What’s wrong?!” Taichi tried to approach her, but she let out a muffled shriek and stumbled backwards.

“Move, Taichi!” Nagase shouted, pushing him out of the way. She walked up to Kiriyama and crouched down at her eye level. “What’s wrong, Yui? Are you okay?”

“M... M-Man... He... I...”

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay. Just calm down. Take a deep breath.” Nagase stroked Kiriyama’s back as she began to shake violently. “There you go... There’s nothing to be scared of. You’re safe now.”

Once Kiriyama [age 14] had calmed down, the first thing they did was sit her down and ask her for her age, along with Inaba [age 14]. Then the three of them stepped away to converse in private, leaving Inaba [age 14] to quietly read a book while Kiriyama [age 14] sat stock-still, shooting furtive glances at Taichi and Aoki like a skittish little stray cat.

“Don’t you think she’s kind of overreacting?” Taichi muttered.

Nagase glared at him. “Taichi! I don’t appreciate your tone!”

“L-Look, I get it, okay? But... I mean, how did she go to school in that condition?”

“Fair point... I’m not sure. Maybe she Regressed specifically to a point in time directly after the rape attempt?”

“Can the Regression really do that...? Well, then again, I guess if it can transform us into our childhood selves and jumble up our memories, it can do pretty much anything...”

“Whoa. You sounded like Inaban for a minute there!”

“Aw, knock it off. You’re making me blush.”

“...Why would that make you blush?”

“N-No reason! It just feels like you’re calling me smart, that’s all! Nothing else implied!”

“Bahaha! You’re so jumpy!”

Just like that, the tension in the room lifted, and Taichi realized this must have been her end goal all along. She’d seemed to be in low spirits when she first arrived, but perhaps he’d simply been overthinking it.

“What about you? What do you think?” Nagase asked Aoki, who had been oddly quiet.

“...Huh? Oh, uh, yeah... I dunno.”

“Pay attention you must, or punch you I will!” Nagase joked in her best Yoda voice.

But Aoki didn’t seem quite himself. Normally he would’ve been the first person to try to console Kiriyama when she screamed, and yet he didn’t move an inch.

“...Will you quit flinching at every little thing? It’s distracting,” Inaba [age 14] commented without taking her eyes off her book.

“Huh? Oh... umm... sorry,” Kiriyama [age 14] replied.

“Hmph... Are you seriously just going to sit there and twiddle your thumbs? Hardly the most productive use of your time, don’t you think?”

“G-Good point... In that case, I guess I’ll read... this...” Kiriyama [age 14] gingerly reached for the stack of books piled neatly on the desk in front of Inaba [age 14]—none of which looked to be appropriate for a middle school reading level. (Inaba had brought them in the event that her Regressed self needed something to entertain herself with.)

“Not that I mind, but... Are you sure you can?”

“P-Probably not...”

At this, Inaba [age 14] snorted and went back to her book. As for Kiriyama [age 14], she hung her head in shame.

Meanwhile, Taichi and Nagase watched them from a distance. (Aoki had gone off to the corner store to use the restroom.)

“Wow... Inaban was pretty mouthy a couple years back...”

“She’s not a bad person, but she tends to come off pretty harsh, yeah...”

Nagase turned and looked into Taichi’s eyes. “You won’t like her less because of this, will you?”

Taichi held her gaze. “Of course not... It’s all in the past. Besides, I know she doesn’t mean any harm.”

Nagase grinned. “Good.” Evidently she was sincerely glad to hear it.

As usual, he could never quite get a read on her... He hoped this would improve with time.

“I can’t believe today’s the last day of the year... So much has happened, you know?” she continued in a soft, wistful voice.

“Too much, if you ask me. First the body-swap, then the Liberation...”

“What would you say was the biggest moment of the year for you?”

“Hmmm... If I had to choose one... The first run-in with «Heartseed», I guess?”

“Excuse me?” Nagase pouted.

“What? What else do you want me to say?”

Nagase grinned sheepishly. “You’re supposed to say ‘the moment we met,’ dummy.”

Like the sun shining down upon the barren earth, her pure, untainted smile took his breath away with its sheer radiance.

“Uh... Wow... Th-That was quite a line...”

The room was chilly, and yet he was starting to sweat.

“Huh? Wait... Ack! No, no, no! I didn’t mean it like that!” She held her hands up defensively. “I mean, that’s part of it, but... I meant ‘we’ as in the whole club!” Her whole face was flushed.

“Oh... Right. Sorry, I jumped to the wrong conclusion there.” Taichi looked away, embarrassed to have misunderstood her.

Nagase seemed to interpret this differently, however. “B-But obviously you’re an important part of that! Like, if... if I had to name someone in particular, obviously you’d be number one with a bullet—Gaahhhh, what am I saying?!”

“R-Relax! I get it! Let’s just take a deep breath, alright?”

“Y-Yes, sir! Roger that!”

Taichi glanced back at Inaba [age 14] and Kiriyama [age 14] to find them both staring, mouths agape, in their direction. When he met their gazes, Inaba [age 14] went back to her book with a smirk, and Kiriyama [age 14] quickly looked away.

Nagase cleared her throat awkwardly. “Anyway... Off-topic, but how do you feel about New Year’s? To me it’s more of a family holiday, so it kinda sucks that we’re stuck here. What about you?”

“Yeahhh... I’m starting to catch a lot of flak for being gone so much during the holidays. ‘Where are you going? You need to help us clean the house!’ and all that. I try to do as much as I can in the mornings, though.”

Currently his biggest problem was his little sister, who was thoroughly displeased with him as of late. That morning as he was getting ready to leave, she complained that he was never around to spend time with her or help her with her homework. (He tried to tell her that you’re really supposed to do your homework by yourself, but she shot back “The Taichi I know would never turn it down when asked to help! I don’t even know you anymore!” and he briefly questioned whether she might only like him for his usefulness... Surely not, right?)

“What’s your situation like, Nagase? It’s just you and your mom, right?”

“Not right now—uhh, I mean, yep! Just me and Mom!”

“Huh? Which is it?”

“Like you said, it’s just me and Mom. So, yeah... I feel pretty bad leaving her all by herself for the holidays...” All at once, her previously cheerful expression clouded over. “I’m... really worried, actually.”

“Gotcha... Hopefully the Regression ends soon.”

Says the guy who isn’t even part of it.

Taichi was the only one who knew the truth, and yet he was powerless to do anything.

“At least we get to go home at night,” Nagase said firmly, her eyes full of conviction. “And tonight I’ll be ringing in the new year, just me and my family.”

To Taichi, she sounded a bit too serious for what was ultimately an ordinary holiday, but he didn’t question it.

Five o’clock rolled around. Inaba [age 14] and Kiriyama [age 14] began to groan in pain, and the next thing they knew, the Regression ended for the day.

“Huh...? Oh, I get it. Must’ve struck me today. What age was I?” asked Inaba.

“Fourteen,” Taichi answered. “Same age as Kiriyama, as a matter of fact.”

He glanced over in Kiriyama’s direction to find her with her arms wrapped tightly around herself, as though she were freezing cold. Through messy strands of chestnut-colored hair, he caught a glimpse of her unusually pale complexion.

“Uh, Kiriyama?”

“Yui?! Are you okay?!” shouted Nagase as she dashed over.

Kiriyama’s voice came out in a hoarse whisper.

“I... I remembered... everything... All of it.”

+ + +

After dinner, I told them I was going to my room. “I’ll come back downstairs in a little bit.”

“Feeling sick, sweetheart?” my mom asked.

“No, Mom. Just tired,” I answered.

“Do you still want some soba noodles at midnight?” she asked.

“We can make them when I come back down later,” I replied.

With that, she finally let me go in peace, although it was obvious she was still worried about me.

When I got to my room, I flung myself down on my bed. She’s too soft on me these days, I thought. She used to be a bit more strict. At the very least, she would never have let me act like a spoiled princess.

I’d forgotten she used to be like that... but then one fateful day, everything changed.

All that stuff I tried not to think about—all the things I tried to forget—I remember it all now.

It hurts to remember the fear I felt the moment I thought I was about to be raped... but it hurts worse to think about the past.

I had dreams back then. Big, stupid, childish dreams. I can’t pretend I forgot about them completely—I didn’t. But I tried so hard not to think about them. I put a lid on it... and then, before I knew it, a layer of dust and cobwebs had settled over that lid.

But, of course, then the stupid Regression came along, yanked the lid off, and dumped it all out right in front of me in all its shining glory. And I’d been trying to ignore it, but... God, I just can’t anymore.

I practiced karate because I wanted to be number one. Nothing more, nothing less. And I sincerely believed I could do it.

Number one what, though? Number one in tournaments? Number one in Japan, or number one in the world? Number one woman, or number one period?

Back then, I didn’t have an answer to that. As far as I was concerned, the sky was the limit. I wasn’t thinking too hard or too far ahead; I lived each moment focused on taking the next step.

Back then, I was strong.

I don’t mean in a physical sense, or in terms of skill.

Back then, I had the strength to move forward.

I didn’t always win. Sometimes I lost—but I never let it get me down. I always picked myself right back up and gave it another shot.

But now I’m weak. After that fateful day, I just... shut down. And now I can’t pick myself back up. I can’t even take the next step on my own. I have nothing left. After everything my friends have given me, I have nothing to give back.

At one point I made a promise with Mihashi Chinatsu, my local tournament rival—a girl who hated losing to me with a fiery passion.

Since she was moving away, and our style of karate didn’t hold nationals at the middle school level, we wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore. Up until then she’d barely ever talked to me, but that day she called out to me, her face beet red, and said—

“Next time we meet, it’ll be at the high school level nationals tournament. And I’m gonna kick your ass.”

I’d always assumed she hated me, but that was the day I realized I was wrong. If anything, she obviously respected me a lot if she wanted to spar again at nationals. At the time, I was really flattered—so I agreed.

“I’ll see you then. It’s a promise.”

Clearly Mihashi took that promise super seriously, too. But it was a promise I failed to keep—a promise I forgot I ever made. Why? Because I threw my dreams in the trash. Dismissed it all as “in the past.” And I let everyone coddle and shelter me as I continued to live out an empty existence.

There was a guy who always used to tell me he loved me, but now he doesn’t say it anymore. If not him, then who? Who will love me? Who will accept me and tell me I have value?

Nobody.

I have no worth. I’m just a pointless NPC character in the RPG of life—utterly replaceable.

Yup. I’m just a replacement goldfish for Aoki’s precious Nishino Nana.

But so what if I am? I’m nobody special. Girls like me are a dime a dozen. Whatever it is that makes somebody special, I don’t have it. And I’ll never have it, no matter how hard I try. Nothing I can do about it; I just don’t have a choice. That’s why I don’t bother trying harder than I need to.

So who cares?

It’s all so pointless. Disgustingly pointless.

“Kiriyama Yui” is just an empty vessel.

An NPC who cries like she’s a protagonist.