Chapter 2: Valentine’s Day With Inaba Himeko

This is now the fourth supernatural phenomenon imposed upon me and the rest of the Cultural Research Club.

Once again, it all started after «Heartseed» turned up at the clubroom, piloting the body of Class 1-C advisor and CRC supervisor Gotou Ryuuzen, no interference from «The Second» or anyone else, just like normal... or its idea of normal, at least.

After the total curveball that was the Age Regression, I’d been anticipating something more along those lines, but evidently not. I guess we’re just back to the usual schtick...? Who the fuck was «The Second», then?

When I tried asking «Heartseed», it said “Oh... Right... Apparently I’m ‘rather fascinating’... Not my words, obviously... It seems like I’ve become more entertaining myself lately... Wait... Why did I bother telling you that...? Was there a point...? I’m not sure...”

Right. Whatever.

So, this time around we’re dealing with a phenomenon known as “Sentiment Transmission.” Put simply, it broadcasts your thoughts to specific people, regardless of distance. And when it triggers, not only do you hear their voice in your head, you also get a taste of the emotions they’re feeling at that moment. This means it’s typically pretty obvious who each Transmission is from. You can just kind of tell.

How, specifically? It’s hard to explain. It’s not like you’re really hearing their thoughts, since it doesn’t pass through your ears. They’re just kind of there in your mind. And their emotions? You just... feel them. If I was forced to describe it, I guess I’d say it’s sort of like normal human empathy, except cranked up to eleven... but even then, that still doesn’t quite capture the full experience.

This phenomenon affects all five members of the CRC and occurs entirely at random... although judging from past experience, we can reasonably assume «Heartseed» can make it strike when he sees fit as well. In addition, it’s entirely random who receives a given Transmission—always at least one of us, often more. Furthermore, the sender will always know precisely who received their Transmission, but those on the receiving end are left in the dark.

Basically, if I was to use an analogy, the five of us are now radio stations that randomly go “on the air” from time to time, only to be heard by whoever happens to be “tuned in to our channel” at the moment—but unlike regular radio, we can somehow pinpoint who our “listeners” are.

Fun fact: the more strongly you feel a given Sentiment, the more likely it will be Transmitted. And if you happen to be a direct cause of a Sentiment, you yourself are more likely to receive it. (Supposedly it’s possible to Transmit at will if you really want to, but this hasn’t been proven, so it’s safe to disregard for now.)

And there you have it. That just about sums up the entire explanation «Heartseed» gave us.

It kind of goes without saying, but this phenomenon felt really fucking weird at first. Like, yeah, no shit—who wouldn’t feel weird having someone else’s thoughts and emotions randomly take over? Seriously though, it made us sick to our stomachs and gave us migraines. Fortunately(?), now that a week has passed, we’re all pretty much used to it.

Objectively speaking, it’s downright bizarre how quickly we’re able to acclimate to this shit. Unfortunately, that acclimation in and of itself has become part of the routine, loath as I am to admit it.

For the first three days, notorious pessimist that I am, I decided I would try to “combat” the Transmission by sleeping as much as possible—only to end up with a mild case of insomnia instead.

Once again, it’s terrifying what these phenomena do to us. Who wouldn’t go insane with all their most private thoughts on loudspeaker?

But then again, this isn’t exactly our first rodeo. At this point, we’ve formed tight friendships that can survive a few spilled secrets.

By day four I was at peak fatigue levels—but all it took was one little “We’re going to be okay” from Taichi, and that night I slept like a baby.

In the end, all it really takes is that one moment of security for everything to go back to normal. And the next thing you know, you’ve accepted that the only thing left is to keep living your life... all the while waiting eagerly for the otherworldly misery to be over... because you know that’s the only way out.

Supposedly these things want to be “entertained.” That’s the whole reason «Heartseed» is putting us through all this shit. So if we refuse to dance to their tune, could we make them lose interest in us? If we go on with our everyday lives without giving the phenomena so much as a passing thought, could we convince them we’re not worth toying with anymore?

When «Heartseed» ended the Liberation, its reasoning was that we’d all “gotten too used to it.” That’s why, as of a few days ago, we’ve decided to fight back by... simply not caring. And we’re going to give it all we’ve got.

Of course, that doesn’t make the phenomenon any less dangerous.

We deluded ourselves into thinking we could get out of this one entirely unscathed, but those hopes were promptly shattered after the conflict the Sentiment Transmission caused in the clubroom yesterday. It hurt Iori so badly, she didn’t say another word for the rest of the day. And after everything I [heard]—and everything she [thought]—the future looks grim.

But worst of all, I keep thinking back to one specific little comment that asshole made:

“Oh yes... I think I might get more actively involved this time around... maybe... or maybe not...”

□■□■□

February 15th—the day after Valentine’s Day.

Today I headed to school with homemade chocolate hidden in my bookbag for the second day in a row. Too scared to go straight to the classroom lest I be forced to interact with Taichi and/or Iori, I instead wandered my way to a deserted corner of the school building.

I knew I was supposed to be focused on brainstorming a plan to solve the Gotou issue, but that would have to wait.

“I bet I’m the only dipshit who brought chocolate today,” I muttered to myself. Good thing I’d decided to go with plain old chocolate over something that used fruit or cream—this way it wouldn’t spoil as quickly.

(Truth be told, I’d originally attempted something a bit more elaborate, but it ended in utter failure. Thankfully, no one would ever have to know.)

I opened my bookbag and peeked at the gift-wrapped box of Valentine’s Day chocolates. This was my first time baking for someone else... and my first time giving a guy a gift on this cheesy holiday.

At least, it was supposed to be.

But here I was, still carrying it. And that fact served as a harsh reminder that he didn’t want me.

Anger, pain, and loneliness swirled together in my chest as my eyes grew hot. Stop it. Don’t you dare cry, you pathetic little baby.

I didn’t have the full picture, but the bottom line was this: Yaegashi Taichi had chosen Nagase Iori over me.

Truth be told, it was a choice he had probably already made right from the start. I simply chose to pretend I still had a chance. And when Taichi asked Iori out on the 13th, that should’ve sealed the deal.

But then Iori turned him down, and my entire understanding of the situation went out the fucking window.

At one point I contemplated throwing this chocolate in the trash, but ultimately I couldn’t bring myself to do it... and so there it sits, still in my bookbag.

As far as I knew, Iori had long since admitted to having feelings for Taichi in return... and yet deep down, somehow I was still hoping I might have a shot.

“Did she just... lose interest or something...?”

Had something happened between them to sour their relationship? And if so, how was I supposed to react? I had no clue. I was pretty sure I wanted to be with Taichi, and yet the thought of him and Iori falling apart made me feel awful inside.

Speaking purely in terms of my own benefit,

[...the fallout between Taichi and Iori is technically good news... I think.]

Fuck. I Transmitted. To Taichi and Iori. Because of fucking course I did.

“Oh, sure, that’s the part you send them, you dick!”

I’ll have to clear things up with them later.

“Great... Now I sound like a total bitch...”

Then again, even Iori acts nice on the outside while spitting venom on the inside... No, I can’t compare her to me! God, I hate myself. I’m such a coward.

Eager to snap myself out of this dark spiral, I slapped my cheeks with both hands—hard enough to hurt.

The Sentiment Transmission won’t affect anyone outside of the CRC unless we let it. So all we have to do is suck it up and endure it... together.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

If I was going to nip this thing in the bud, then I knew I needed to have a talk with the affected parties directly.

As I turned to head back to the classroom, I glanced up to find I wasn’t alone.

“S-Sorry for interrupting, Inaba-san! We just got done with morning practice, so I thought I’d take a shortcut back to the classroom...”

There stood Shiroyama Shouto, a fellow classmate who was part of the jazz band. As I recalled, we’d briefly chatted yesterday during our visit to Music Room No. 2.

...Oh god, that means he saw me talking to myself... Fucking kill me...

“Y-You were rehearsing your presentation speech, huh? Well, see you in class!”

I knew he meant well, but it only made me feel worse.

Damn it, what the hell do I do with this stupid chocolate?

During lunch, Iori and I relocated ourselves to an empty hallway.

“I explained everything to Yui and Aoki. They said they’re not going to judge us for it,” I told her.

“Cool,” Iori replied. Her expression had been grim ever since she arrived at school this morning.

“So... I’ll cut to the chase...” I continued hesitantly. Meanwhile, Iori’s cold stare bored into me. Please don’t look at me like that... Can’t you see I’m already scared enough as it is? But I pushed on regardless. “Is it true that Taichi asked you out? And is it true that you said no?”

“Yeah. It’s all true.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened. He asked, and I declined. That’s all there is to it.”

Her tone was so icy, it set me ablaze. “But you—I mean—then what the fuck was the point of our stupid love triangle shit?! Did something happen to make you change your mind or what?!”

Fuck, I’m losing my composure again. Just like yesterday.

“Why do you want to know?”

Her flat, mechanical voice chilled my anger.

“So I can understand—”

“What is there to understand?”

Her expression was perfectly blank, like a sculpture. Beautiful, yet terrifying.

“I’m sorry, Inaban... I don’t think I can explain it to you. Either way, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not interested in being Taichi’s girlfriend anymore,” she explained gently.

You can’t just tell me not to worry. It doesn’t work like that!

“Look... By any chance, does this have something to do with the Sentiment Transmission?”

“...I can’t pretend it’s one hundred percent unrelated.”

“O-Okay, well, let’s maybe rethink this, alright? The phenomenon’s clearly affecting your judgment. Let’s just wait for everything to go back to normal, and—”

“Yeah, I told myself that for a while,” Iori interrupted. “But when exactly do we get our ‘normal’ back? Sure, this phenomenon will end eventually... but what happens when the next one starts?”

Good question.

“People are easily swayed, y’know? So what makes «Heartseed»’s phenomena so different from, say, peer pressure?”

I couldn’t say.

“Besides, this whole thing with me and Taichi first started during the body-swap. Wouldn’t that mean my judgment was affected back then, too?”

I wasn’t sure.

“Seriously, though, what’s your deal? Do you want us together or not?”

Of all her questions, that was the one I should’ve had an answer for... but I didn’t.

How could she be so cold and detached about her own love life? How could she be so hostile to her own friend? It was eerie.

Just then, we were interrupted by a Transmission from Taichi:

[What do I do...? After everything Nagase said... and then there’s Inaba... and I haven’t even done my homework...]

His anxiety swirled inside me.

Figure it out yourself, dumbass, I replied silently, knowing he wouldn’t hear it.

In the end, I never did figure out what was going on with Iori. All I learned was that she genuinely seemed to not want a romantic relationship with Taichi anymore. That, and she was actually kind of frightening.

“I should probably...” I murmured inaudibly to myself during the middle of an unusually long homeroom period. I knew I was better off focusing on myself instead of worrying about other people. And I was probably just using the Iori thing as an excuse to procrastinate on solving my own problems.

He already turned me down once. Now he’s officially chosen her over me. So what am I supposed to do?

Truth be told, I knew I was supposed to accept my defeat with dignity and grace. But did it really still count as a “defeat” now that his chances with Iori were nil? No matter how hard I searched through the database of information in my mind, I couldn’t find the answer.

I don’t “get” romance... I don’t “get” love... I’m so fucking clueless... Someone, somewhere, please tell me what I’m supposed to do!

My mind was a swirl of emotions. I didn’t want to let myself have any more dark thoughts lest they get Transmitted again. I didn’t want them to hear all my pessimism and cowardice and realize just how much of mess I was.

Maybe I could just stop thinking entirely... That would make things easier... No, there’s no way I can manage that. Why am I angsting over boy problems, anyway? We have more important shit to be worrying about!

I know ignoring the phenomenon is the best tactic available to us, but it isn’t as easy as it sounded. It affects me regardless of whether I want it to or not. And if people find out I’m not as strong as I like to pretend, well... I would be so humiliated, I would probably never recover...

Stop. Enough! Fuck it all! Forget this misery! I’m not cut out for romance, anyway! I should just dump this chocolate in the trash can where it belongs—

[Sorry it’s late... I meant to give it to you yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance.]

Out of nowhere, I got a Transmission from Yui, followed immediately by one from Aoki:

[OH HELL TO THE YEAH, DUDE!!! I wasn’t expecting to get anything... but NOW I’M SO HAPPY I COULD DIE!!!]

“Nngh...” I grimaced and covered my ears out of reflex.

“What’s wrong?” asked the girl seated behind me.

“Nothing,” I replied, my heart thumping in my chest. Aoki was so damn loud, it startled me.

I found myself impressed that they had the strength to move forward in spite of the phenomenon. It was a good thing, of course. The less impact the Transmission had on us, the sooner the end would come... hopefully.

Meanwhile, my heart kept racing. Sheesh, she must’ve really caught him off-guard... No, that’s not it. This isn’t just surprise... It’s their romantic tension... Well, Aoki’s at least. I wonder if Yui’s come around... Good grief, you two lovebirds.

I smiled to myself. My elevated pulse had made my face flush pink.

The two of them would know I’d heard them... I could picture Yui blushing and getting all bashful about it. (Knowing Aoki, he probably wasn’t that bothered.)

So pure... so innocent... so passionate... For some reason, I envied them.

Did I want someone to love me that deeply, too? Sure. But more than that, I was jealous of the ability to love in general.

This isn’t over yet... I refuse to accept second place... My feelings are just as strong—

Oh.

Well then. Looks like the solution to my problem was right in front of me all along.

Immediately after homeroom ended, I sent Taichi an email that read:

Before you go to the clubroom, meet me outside behind the East Wing.

Then, without looking to see if he’d checked his phone, I dashed out of the classroom.

No one ever bothered to go out behind the East Wing, which in turn made it a popular place for declarations of love. For all I knew, the place had probably seen its fair share of visitors on Valentine’s Day proper, but today it was deserted.

Then, after a few minutes, Taichi showed up. “Inaba!” he called out, and quietly I realized this was our first conversation of the entire day. We hadn’t spoken since the incident yesterday.

“I’m sorry about yesterday... you know, the whole ‘Don’t you give a shit about how I feel?’ and all that.”

After all, I had no right to demand that he love me.

“No, you don’t need to apologize. It was entirely my fault.”

“Quit trying to take one hundred percent of the blame. I was the one who... Actually, you know what? Fine. We can split it fifty-fifty,” I joked, careful to keep my tone lighthearted. “I gotta say, I’m surprised. I knew you were going to ask Iori out again sooner or later, but... knowing you, I kinda thought you’d give me a heads-up first.”

Better to be honest with him now than have him find out via Sentiment Transmission later, I thought.

“W-Well, you see, my plan was to ask her out first, and then after she said yes we’d ask for your blessing...”

“What am I, her mom?”

[I couldn’t risk talking to Inaba first... Part of me was afraid she’d change my mind.]

“...Huh?”

“Uhh... D-Did I just Transmit...?”

“Y-Yeah...” Wait... Then that means... “Oho... I see how it is.” I grinned. “So you were starting to have second thoughts after all, huh?”

I’d assumed he was completely uninterested, but maybe I was wrong... Maybe my plan had worked after all...

Meanwhile, Taichi blushed bright red. “N-No!”

“Oh... You weren’t...?” I asked, hanging my head like a sad puppy.

“O-Okay, maybe it a little!”

Oh, Taichi. You’re always so much fun to tease. I snickered.

“Hey! Quit screwing with me!” he snapped, but this only made me laugh harder. Then he cleared his throat, suggesting he wanted to get back to the topic at hand, so I hastily composed myself.

“I’m not sure how to put this... I was in love with Nagase, but that’s never stopped me from appreciating how incredible you are. Seriously, in all my life I’ve never met anyone like you.”

Never met anyone like me...? Wait, so... if I’m the only one in this category... doesn’t that make me number one?

“I mean, you’re smart, and you always put your friends first, and you’ve got a heart of gold, and you’re considerate of other people’s feelings, and you’re really grown-up and pretty, but at the same time you have a girly side, and maybe you’re not great at cooking or athletic stuff, but you have plenty of other good points to make up for it—”

“S-Slow down!” I interrupted. Give me a break... I’m going to start grinning like an idiot if you keep that up!

If I let myself read into it, I could almost be convinced that he was actually really into me... but he had already turned me down twice, so clearly he still preferred Iori. I was tempted to ask him what specifically he liked about her, you know, for reference...

“Anyway, you get where I’m going with this. You’re a really great girl, but... I can only choose one of you, so...”

“Hold on a minute. What about the rest of the ‘good points’ you said make up for my faults?”

I’m not letting you weasel out of it, you jerk!

“What does it matter?”

“Just tell me-heee...!”

“What?”

“Er... Ignore that! I got something caught in my throat, that’s all!”

Why did my voice come out all... beguiling?! And whose idea was it to start making grabby hands?! That’s so cringey, even for me!

This time it was my turn to clear my throat. “Anyway, I understand that you’re a faithful guy. I’ve always known that, really. You could’ve led us on or two-timed us, but instead you committed to a choice, and that’s pretty remarkable. I know I’m the one who put us in this situation, but... still, I appreciate it.”

“Likewise, I appreciate you, too.” For what, I wasn’t sure... but the expression on his face was one of intense relief.

“This is where I first professed my love for you, isn’t it?” It was just three short months ago, and yet those three months felt like an eternity.

“Yeah...”

“And this is where I kissed you.”

“Hey! Don’t bring that up!” Taichi’s cheeks reddened once more.

Though he was great fun to bully, when it came down to it, he was also a reliable friend. Great, now I’m gushing... Ridiculous.

“Wanna do it again?” I asked, curious to get his reaction.

“Bfffgh?!” Just as I expected, he started choking. It was his go-to reaction to a lot of stuff lately.

“Okay, all jokes aside...” I pulled the little parcel out of my bookbag and handed it to him. “Here.”

It was... surprisingly easy.

“Huh? Oh, uh... Thanks...”

“I know you chose Iori, but seeing as she shot you down and all, have you considered settling for me instead?”

“No way... You deserve better than that.”

I must’ve sounded more serious than I intended... though in reality, I wasn’t as morally opposed to it as he was.

“Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel really conflicted about Iori claiming she doesn’t have feelings for you. And if you asked me if I’d be okay with dating a guy knowing I was his second choice, well... I’m not sure I have an answer for that, either. There’s just... so much I don’t know.”

Was it really safe to try and forge romantic relationships under the influence of «Heartseed»’s phenomena? I sincerely didn’t have a clue... but that wasn’t going to stop me.

“At the end of the day, the fact remains, I’m in love with you. So here you go. It’s a day late, but... Happy Valentine’s Day.”

If nothing else, my feelings were the one thing I could be certain of... and I knew what I had to do.

Taichi nodded. “Thanks. I’ll be sure to return the favor on White Day.”

“Can’t wait.”

He gently slid the box of chocolates into his bookbag, careful not to damage it. And with that, my mission was complete.

See that, «Heartseed»? We can play your little game. We might stumble sometimes, but we’ll always pick ourselves right back up again.

Just as we were about to head to the clubroom, I thought of something else I wanted to say.

“You got rejected, I got rejected... We’re two peas in a pod, you and me. And I look forward to seeing where we go from here.” Too embarrassed to gauge his reaction, I began to walk off.

Then, out of nowhere—

“...I GOT REJECTED!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

It was so out of left field that I initially mistook it for a Transmission.

“Wh-What was th—?”

“I got rejected! I got rejected! I GOT REJECTED!” he shouted down at the ground, his hands balled into fists. Then, lastly, he screamed with all his might—“SO THERE!”

...While this part of the school was typically deserted, someone was bound to have heard that. I myself was a little weirded out by this... but not enough to stop loving him, of course! Tee-hee!

Still pretty damn weird, though.

“Uh... Are you done?”

“Sorry. Just wanted to get it all out of my system.”

“I didn’t realize you were a scream-at-the-ground kind of guy.”

“Well, I can’t let it drag me down forever, you know? If I could’ve come to terms with it sooner, maybe I could’ve saved you the worry.”

“Eh, I don’t think you’re obligated to accept it straight away.”

Otherwise, the second they say no, it’s game over.

“In my head I knew it was over, but my heart was a different story. I let it destroy me emotionally... It was pretty stupid. I need to just confront it, accept it, reflect on it, and move forward... not that I know what ‘forward’ looks like at this point,” Taichi muttered sheepishly, scratching his head.

Now that’s the Taichi I know and love, I thought to myself, though I was too shy to actually say it out loud. In fact, this was the one time I found myself a little disappointed that «Heartseed» hadn’t gone and Transmitted it for me.

Instead, I went with my honest opinion: “You’re an odd duck, Taichi.”

“Yeah, well, you’re no ordinary girl yourself, Inaba.”

“Touché. To be fair, a lot of stuff has changed us... whether we wanted it to or not.”

“Yeah... Maybe that’s why Nagase changed her mind,” he mumbled.

That was when I got a Transmission:

[I bet you think I’m a liar, don’t you? Don’t you? I know you do!]

It was Iori... and with this Sentiment came a biting chill that threatened to freeze the blood in my veins.

Truth be told, I’d had a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind for a while now... a suspicion that perhaps I didn’t actually understand the real Nagase Iori as well as I thought I did.

And now I had a sinking feeling that I’d critically misinterpreted some part of her.

So who was she, really?