Chapter 3: Aoki Yoshifumi’s Preferred Battle Tactic

[Which is the real me—the one on the outside or the one on the inside?

Either way, I can’t keep up the charade. I can’t. I just can’t.

I don’t get to choose between different selves anymore.

This is my only option.]

□■□■□

The next morning, I wake up with a start, fling my covers off, and whip my head around. Where am I?! Oh... Just my room.

“Was it all just a dream...? It felt so real, though...”

It felt like... like I was experiencing someone else’s emotions—and I’ve got a feeling they belonged to Iori-chan. I can’t remember much, but my heart feels heavy, like it’s full of someone else’s pain.

“Did she Transmit or something...?”

The Sentiment Transmission doesn’t normally work this way, but maybe it struck while I was asleep. There’s a lot we still don’t understand about it, y’know. Sure, «Heartseed» explained a lot to us going in, but it definitely didn’t tell us everything. We know that from experience.

Then I realized—I’m starting to treat the Transmission like a normal part of life. Ugh. Gross.

Okay, so back to Iori-chan. Should I tell the others about it...? She seems to be upset about something lately... But then again, what if I’m the only one who got the Transmission? It’d be kinda messed up to go around telling people about her private feelings...

“Man, I dunno... She was acting kinda weird yesterday...”

The Sentiment Transmission will expose our hearts for the whole world—er, club—to see. So, our motto this time around? Just ignore the stupid phenomenon altogether!

‘Course, it’s not gonna work out perfectly. We’re bound to screw up and hurt each other.

Take me, for example. Most people probably see me as the type who wears his heart on his sleeve (which is a good thing, because that’s what I’m goin’ for). But that doesn’t mean I’m not still kinda scared to have my inner monologue broadcasted to everybody. Sometimes I have mean thoughts that I know I ought to keep to myself. Sometimes I get all pissed off and pessimistic. And sometimes I think about boobs, man!

That said... If the phenomena creates problems, then all we have to do is work together to solve ‘em! We’ve done it before, and I know we can do it again. All it takes is a little effort to keep things together—and the best way to put in that effort is to act the same as always.

And you better believe your boy Aoki is gonna put the pedal to the metal, baby!

We gotta kick ass with this club presentation thing. And then we’ve got finals to worry about... Uggghhhh, I wish I hadn’t remembered that...

[Nnnn... I kinda wanna get seconds... Ever since I started my dojo training, it feels like I’m hungry constantly these days! But Anzu already gave me half of her food... Hmmm... Screw it, I’m eating!]

Oho, somebody’s feeling feisty today... Morning, Yui!

□■□■□

“Am I the last one here? No?” asked Taichi as he walked into the clubroom. “Hmm... Still waiting on Nagase, I guess.”

Now Iori-chan was the only one missing.

Yesterday Yui had to skip club to go to the dojo, and the other three were late showing up. Today, though, the five of us were all supposed to meet up here.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Taichi continued. “Thanks for the chocolate, Kiriyama. It was really good.”

“Oh, no problem. You’re very welcome.”

Two days ago Taichi would have avoided this topic like the plague. Apparently he was over it now... which meant I was free to go all-in.

“Oh, you gave him some of those little cocoa dusted truffles you were handing out to all the dudes in 1-A? I got something different, so I wouldn’t know what those were like,” I humblebragged, flaunting the fact that my gift was more special.

“Truffles? I got some kind of chocolate cake—”

“T-Taichi!” Yui interrupted, glancing nervously in my direction.

“Huh? You got cake, too? Weird... It almost sounds like you got the same thing as me—”

“D-Don’t get the wrong idea! I didn’t mean anything, like, romantic by it! Technically!”

“Uh... ‘Technically’...?”

Doesn’t that mean she kinda DID mean something romantic by it...? No, that can’t be! Who cares if it’s platonic on a technicality?! It’s still platonic! End of story!

Wait, but... if that’s true... and I got the same gift he did... Was mine platonic, too?!

“Aw, man... Maybe I read too much into it...”

“J-Just for the record, Aoki, yours...”—Yui paused, her cheeks flushed faintly pink—“...has extra strawberries.”

“YES! I win!”

“Uh, I don’t think a few extra strawberries... Actually, never mind.”

Taichi! Don’t look at me like I’m pathetic, okay?! I know it’s not a huge difference! Just let me be happy, alright?!

“I gotta say, I don’t like the sound of that either,” said Inabacchan, shooting Yui a withering look.

“Wh-What’s your problem?”

“As far as Aoki’s concerned, I literally could not care less what you do—”

“Hey! Did you really need to add that disclaimer?! Harsh!”

You oughta care at least a little! C’mon!

“—but if you’re going to be giving Taichi fancy gifts—”

“L-Look, both he and Aoki are good friends of mine, so I figured they deserved something with a little more effort put into it, that’s all!”

“That’s all, huh?”

“Yes, that’s all! Obviously I love Taichi as a friend, but I’m not like in love with him!”

“But you love him?”

“Not like that! Oh my god!”

As I watched their little exchange, it finally sank in: “You’ve really got it bad for Taichi, huh, Inabacchan?”

I kinda thought she was just teasing him... y’know, like, REALLY teasing him...

“Hmph. Yeah, so? Got a problem with that?”

“N-Not at all, Commander Inaba!”

But just so you know, there’s only enough room in this club for ONE lovesick puppy, got it?!

“...Sometimes I wish you were just like a tiny bit smarter... Oh, but then again, your stupidity is part of your charm...”

“Hmm? You say somethin’, Yui?”

“Oh, nothing...”

“Wait, Yui... Didn’t you give chocolate to the guys at your dojo, too?” Inabacchan cut in.

“Just some little freebie stuff... You found out from one of my Transmissions, didn’t you?”

At this point, Yui had made so much progress working through her fear of dudes, she was practically fully recovered. I was super proud of her.

“I don’t see anything wrong with taking an aggressive stance against your phobia, but don’t go turning into some man-eater, alright?”

“Excuse me?!” Yui jumped to her feet and slammed her hands on the table. “Who the heck are you calling a man-eater?!”

“Gotta say, I’m on Inabacchan’s side for this one!”

Red alert! Red alert!

“Oh yeah, that reminds me... Yesterday you were Transmitting stuff like [That boy’s stance looks pretty badass] and [That guy has a very symmetrical face]...”

“Taichi! Don’t just casually tell them that, you jerk!”

“Okay, this is super not kosher! Maybe I’d better join your dojo, too!” I declared.

“It’s not like that! The girls at my dojo are always gossiping about the guys, and I never have anything to contribute to the conversation, so I was just... thinking of some comments I could make next time!”

“So you were ogling all the men in your dojo... You dirty little tart,” Inabacchan teased.

“Oh my god, NO!”

Then the door opened, and Iori-chan peeked her head in.

And just like that, the room fell dead silent.

“So, let’s review the crisis that threatens the very survival of our club... Alright, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. The point is, we need to brainstorm a plan for our club presentation and win back our conveniently useless advisor. Didn’t get much done yesterday, after all.”

As usual, Inabacchan was leading the discussion... but something was visibly off this time around. Normally Iori-chan was a bottomless fountain of ideas for this stuff, but today she sat there silently, her expression cold and distant.

Real talk, it was throwing us all off. Nobody knew how to handle it. With our beloved ball of sunshine now a gloomy little rain cloud, the whole clubroom was dark and dismal.

Fortunately, we still had me.

“I know! Let’s have all the girls dress up in costumes and seduce all the male judg—GUH!”

Before I could finish, Yui kicked me hard in the shin. “In that case, why don’t you dance naked on stage? Maybe we can get some pity votes.”

She smirked playfully, and I grinned back. I could tell she’d figured out what I was going for... in which case, I would’ve appreciated a slightly less painful kick, personally! Just sayin’!

Inaba nodded thoughtfully. “So you suggest taking an aggressive approach when it comes to winning points with the judges... I like it. In fact, I get the feeling that’s our only real option if we want to stand a chance at winning. Now then, let’s each share the information we’ve gathered. How about you, Taichi? Any luck?”

“Let’s see... Okay, first of all, according to our friend Shiroyama, the jazz band has been practicing stage setup so they can start and finish their performance within the allotted fifteen-minute timeframe.”

“I see... In that case, maybe we’ll have an advantage if we fill our fifteen minutes completely,” Yui suggested.

“From what I’ve heard, not necessarily. Because of the sheer number of clubs, these presentations will be running nonstop, one after another. So if we take too long, it could potentially do more harm than good.”

Sounds about right. I heard something similar from a friend of mine.

“I heard that in the past, some clubs have shortened their presentations on purpose so they could offer the judges a bathroom break. I’m told it didn’t really pay off, though.”

People get pretty crafty with these club presentations, eh?

“The jazz band’s plan is to give an overview of their activities over the past year, set up their whole ensemble, perform, and then clear away their chairs and music stands, all within thirteen minutes.”

“Interesting...” Yui murmured, somewhat impressed. “I heard from my friend who’s in a sports club that they pretty much just go over their season tournament scores and that’s it. Nothing for them to really show off on stage, you know? So the whole thing takes like five minutes. Is it, like, fair that the culture clubs have to work so much harder?”

“Agreed,” Inaba replied. “It’s hard for outsiders to determine our ‘accomplishments’ when we don’t have any tournaments to compete in. For us, it all comes down to how well we appeal to the judges. If we screw up, they could take away our club budget or even force us to disband.”

Whoa... So this is a big deal with or without the Gotou situation... Okay, time for me to chime in!

“Oh yeah, and I heard the Fine Arts Club puts on an impromptu painting performance each year...”

After we finished exchanging all the info we had on hand, we transitioned into the brainstorming phase. Taichi was the first to make a suggestion:

“Since our main club activity is the Culture Bulletin, the most obvious option is to create a super-sized version and center our presentation around that. We could make a top-ten list of all the articles we’ve done over the year, or something.”

“That’s definitely the safe choice... but it’ll be hard to beat the jazz band with just that, don’t you think?” Yui asked.

“Yeahhhh... We gotta do something ten times as awesome as their performance or else they’re gonna steal Gossan from us...” I muttered.

It would be tricky, but fortunately we had a powerful ally on our side—a brilliant tactician who always led us to victory without fail.

And her name was Inaba Himeko.

“I’m sure they’ll give us points for effort, but the jazz band’s skill is so phenomenal that we don’t stand a chance if we play it by the books. If we show up with a bunch of articles, they’ll just skim over them and go ‘Meh.’ So, we need to take a different approach... One possible route would be to create something fancy, exclusively for the presentation. That ought to impress them quite a bit—‘It’s the effort that counts!’ and all that. Teachers eat that shit up,” she snickered.

“And they’d probably be heartbroken if they heard you talking like that,” Taichi muttered.

And so the heated debate continued. Ideas were suggested and shot down, over and over.

As the discussion was entering its final stages, Yui jumped in with a new suggestion: “Okay, then how about we create a spotlight guide map for the local area around the school?”

“Well, that’s a bit divorced from our usual club activities... but if it involves going around and researching material for what’s essentially an article, then I guess we could just think of it as a special edition of the Culture Bulletin...” Taichi mused.

“And if it’s handy info the judges can actually use, maybe that’ll help keep their attention, right?” I chimed in.

“If we make a giant map with lots of effort and small details put into it, we’ll win points with the teachers for sure,” Inaba added.

The more we thought about it, the more it started to sound like the perfect plan... And so we decided that we would create a spotlight guide map for our club presentation!

Our map would have it all—our favorite restaurants, stores, hangout spots, and so on—with one caveat: nothing too mainstream. Hidden gems only. Once we had it all outlined, we’d create a giant version for the presentation as well as miniature brochures that we could pass out.

“So how do we create a spotlight guide map, anyway? We could try to look at tourist maps or travel guides, but I kinda doubt our town’s big enough to be featured...” Yui crossed her arms in contemplation.

“Ever heard of a thing called community journalism? We can take our cues from there... Hmm, maybe that won’t be enough. We’ll probably need to do some onsite field investigation... Wait... Damn it, this is starting to sound like a lot of work!” Inaba snapped.

“Oh, stop complaining. You’re the one who said we should make something fancy, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure it’s all par for the course for ol’ Tryhard Taichi. Well, just FYI, I prefer to work smarter, not harder.”

“But we need to score a lotta points with the judges so we can beat the jazz band!”

“...You know, Aoki, I really hate it when you’re right.”

“Why?! What did I ever do to deserve this?!”

And so, for the first time since the CRC’s inception, we had decided to do more than just skate by on the bare minimum. We were going to make a serious, full-scale presentation—mostly because our whole club kinda depended on it, but still.

Despite Inaba’s complaints, the rest of us were eager to get started. Well... most of us, anyway. Iori-chan hadn’t said much of anything during the entire discussion—just “Yeah” or “Maybe” or “Sounds good.” She was clearly acting weird.

Later, after we’d started work on our new project—

“Hey, Iori?” Inaba called hesitantly.

Now that I thought about it, normally she was the type to call people out if they were being too quiet. So why hadn’t she said anything sooner? Strange... Had she seen the darkness in Iori-chan’s heart like I had?

“C’mon, what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Nothing? Yeah, right. You’re acting way too different. Something’s gotta be up.”

“Who says I have to act the same all the time?”

But then, I heard Iori-chan’s Transmission:

[I knew it. This is the one place I just can’t make it work.]

Meanwhile, I felt her emotions—dark and smoldering like coal. Had anyone else felt it?

[“Nagase Iori” is over, okay? She’s done.]

I looked around the room. Is anyone else hearing this?

[No, I can’t! I can’t make it work! Hurry, hurry, hurry!]

Her emotions were a jumbled mess, all melted together in one hot lump. It felt so foreign in my system, it actually made me kinda sick to my stomach. And here I thought I was used to this.

“I-Iori-chan...?” I called out timidly.

She shot me a sharp look and shook her head. “Don’t worry about it.” In other words—keep your mouth shut. “Looks like the discussion’s over, so I’m gonna head home.” With that, she got to her feet and grabbed her bookbag.

She wasn’t acting anything like herself.

And before I knew it, I was the first one to react.

“Hold up, Iori-chan!” I shouted... but I hadn’t thought of anything to say after that.

Crap. What do I do? What SHOULD I do? What CAN I do?

Guess my only option is to play it like I always do.

“Slow down, girl! Why’re you tryin’ to reinvent yourself as some kinda ice queen?” I joked, keeping my tone as light and casual as humanly possible—y’know, my usual style. “Did you and Inabacchan switch roles? Now you’re the hardass and she’s the wild card?”

Now whaddya say to that, eh? No matter what you throw at me, I can handle it! Bring it on! Let’s hear it! ...Any time now! I’m waiting! Uh, hello? Is... Is anyone gonna say anything? Why does it feel so chilly in here? Did I just blow it?

And so Iori-chan walked out of the clubroom without giving me a second glance.

□■□■□

On my way home, I walked along the riverbank. The sun had nearly set, and the streetlamps were starting to flicker on, one by one. I looked out at the river; its deep, dark depths loomed ominously, threatening to swallow me whole.

I sighed, slumping my shoulders. I knew I needed to keep my chin up, but I just couldn’t help it.

All this time, I’d been doing my best to act the same as always, with or without «Heartseed»’s games. I figured it was the best way to help everyone else do the same. But everything that happened today served to remind me just how powerless I truly was. I’d caught a glimpse into Iori-chan’s heart, and yet I still couldn’t help her.

Am I too stupid to make the right call? Maybe I can’t—

In the middle of that thought, I caught sight of someone walking in my direction up ahead. The road was mostly deserted otherwise, so I couldn’t help but peer at them. They looked familiar—

“Hmm? Is that...?”

It was. It’s friggin’ Gossan!

“Hey, Gossan! What’re you—”

Then I realized.

[His] eyes were half-lidded. Lethargic.

Anyone who saw [him] like this would probably just assume [he] was really freakin’ tired... but I knew the truth. This wasn’t Gossan. It was «Heartseed».

Wait... what? «Heartseed»? Here on the street? What?

“Hello there, Aoki-san... Oh... Come to think of it, I haven’t really bothered to speak to you directly until now...”

As usual, its speech was sluggish. It didn’t even bother to introduce itself—just assumed I would know. That kind of pissed me off.

Seriously though, what the hell is it doing here?

“Were you lookin’ for me, specifically?” I asked. I’d heard of «Heartseed» visiting the others while they were alone, but this was my first time experiencing it for myself.

“Well... Remember how I said I was going to get more actively involved this time...? Feel free to consider this part of that... or don’t... I can’t say I really care either way...”

Maybe YOU don’t care, but I sure as hell do, thanks!

“So what do you want?” I growled, glaring back at him.

I was used to having everyone else right there with me whenever he’d turn up. Me, I always stayed out of it. Figured it’d be best to leave the complicated stuff to the pros, y’know? So I had no idea what stance to take with him now that we were one-on-one. If I’d known this was going to happen, I would’ve tried to rehearse something in advance.

Should I wait for my chance to make a break for it? Call somebody?

“Aoki-san... What are your thoughts on the current phenomenon...?”

“...Whaddya mean, my thoughts?”

“Your candid opinion, if you please...”

“Freakin’ sucks dick.”

“So... would you say this phenomenon is the worst thus far...?”

“Dude, they’re all the worst.”

“I see... Yes, I can imagine...”

Man, what even is this conversation?

“So... what do you plan to do about it...?”

“Just be my usual self.”

“I fail to see the point in that... I mean... isn’t that the same as doing nothing at all...?”

“Trust me, there’s a point to it.”

I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m pretty sure it’s there...

“Oh, I get it... It’s not that you’re choosing not to do anything... It’s that you can’t...”

Yeah, yeah. You’re all-powerful, and we’re worthless worms. I get it.

“You truly are the most uninteresting of the five, aren’t you?”

Uninteresting. This matter-of-fact observation pierced my chest like a knife.

Then, all at once, my mind cleared. What am I doing? Why am I wasting my time talking to this dude? Ridiculous. It could kill me in a heartbeat if it wanted to. It calls the shots—all of them.

Instantly, it felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes.

Darkness. Moonlight. Streetlamps. The sound of the river. Just me and some supernatural entity. Who wouldn’t be scared in my shoes? «Heartseed» had a way of making you feel like no one in the world could save you.

“Let me ask you again... What do you plan to do about it?”

I looked into «Heartseed»’s—Gossan’s—dead, soulless eyes.

A chill ran down my spine. ‘Course, that’s nothing out of the ordinary for a crisp February evening. But this felt like absolute zero.

“You are powerless, Aoki-san... What can you possibly do?”

Screw you. Why should I answer that? I’m tryin’ to get home, if you don’t mind. Let me go home, damn it! Let me leave already!

“You are an utterly useless—”

I know, okay?! I know! I’m a stupid moron! I’m the weakest link! I’m dead weight! I’m—

[I wonder what Aoki’s up to...]

Right at that moment, I got a Transmission... and a rush of emotion.

Disappointingly, there was no palpable giddiness or affection. Just pure curiosity.

I had no clue what led to it, or what the context was, but one thing was for certain—Yui was thinking about me.

And after last time with the Age Regression, I’d promised myself to never let one of these stupid phenomena hurt her again. I promised myself I would protect her.

[As long as Yui cares about me, I’ll keep fighting as long as it takes. «Heartseed» can suck it!]

Whoops, I Transmitted that... Pretty cool timing, actually. And it got sent to Yui, too! Because it was about her, I guess? Could’ve lived without Taichi hearing it, though.

“No matter what you try to do, Aoki-san—”

“I’m just going to be my usual self.”

I’m done letting «Heartseed» get to me. I won’t back down. I’m doing this for me, and I’m doing it for Yui... and the others, too, of course. I’m going to do whatever I can—whatever needs to be done.

“Like I said... that’s essentially the same as not doing anything at all...”

“Right now we have club presentations to worry about!”

I’m not even gonna think about finals, either!

“Oh... You’re really committed to this, aren’t you...? Not that I couldn’t tell from the start...” «Heartseed» shook its head in exasperation.

...Wait, what? Exasperation? I don’t remember it having normal people emotions before!

“Oh, Aoki-san... You truly are dull and insipid...”

That reminds me... Inabacchan was saying maybe the phenomena will go away if we just bore «Heartseed» to death... Maybe she was right!

“But that is precisely why I keep going... and eventually... Oh, right... I should go ahead and stop talking now...”

Keep going where?

“Well then... Anyway... Perhaps I’ll end our conversation here... Yes, let’s call it a night...”

With that, «Heartseed» turned on his heel and walked away.

“Huh? What the hell, man?! First you show up with no warning, and now you’re not even gonna say goodbye?! Hey!”

I considered going after him, but I knew it wouldn’t accomplish anything.

“You know my house is that way, right?! Can’t you go in the opposite direction?! Now it looks like I’m following you!”

But of course, it didn’t respond... so I decided to just stand there for a while.

“Damn, it’s cold out here! What if I get pneumonia or—”

[Was I ever really in love with Nagase Iori?]

Just then, I got a Transmission. It was from Taichi. What’s gotten into you, bro? What if she hears you thinkin’ that?

“Oh, right... She turned him down...”

I guess it’s all complicated. Still... the best thing we can do is be ourselves.

+ + +

“Hiya, Nagase-san. Sorry to spring this on you, but I wanted to talk.”

In front of me stands Shiroyama Shouto, a classmate who’s in the jazz band. Until our group visit to Music Room No. 2, he and I hadn’t had many opportunities to interact.

“There’s... something I want to say...”

I can hazard a guess as to what it is, and I sincerely wish he wouldn’t. Not right now. I can’t even be normal right now.

“So, umm... You know, considering how popular you are, I figured you’d have a boyfriend or at least a crush on someone, but... I heard you didn’t give out any chocolate on Valentine’s Day... so I started thinking maybe you don’t have anyone special in your life right now...”

No, I don’t.

At one point I thought I did.

But I don’t.

“Y-You see, I... I think you’re swell, and—”

“Don’t bother,” I cut in.

Normally I wouldn’t do this... but this isn’t the normal me.

“Huh?”

“Don’t finish that sentence. Just quit while you’re ahead.”

It’s for your own good. I mean it. Go be with someone normal.

“What...? Wait, so, do you have someone special after all? Okay, well, at least let me—”

“Please, just stop!”

Here I switch to pleading. This is the most effective option at my disposal.

“Why...? Do you despise me that much?”

“No, I don’t despise you.”

“Then... why are you acting so different?”

Acting so different. Not myself.

“Normally you’re more easygoing... Radiant like the sun... You’re always happy, with a big smile on your face... Everyone loves you...”

Is that how he sees me? No, wait... that’s how everyone sees me. Right.

“I see. So that’s the version of me you have the hots for... but not this version?”

“Umm... well...”

The blood drains from his face.

I go in for the kill.

“How can you claim you care about me when you don’t know the first thing about me?”

“I... I...”

It’s for the best that I shoot him down hard. That way he’ll get over me faster. I do think I went over the line this time, though.

But I have to choose one or the other.

Maybe the old me could’ve handled it better, but I don’t get to be the old me.

I’m sorry.

+ + +

“I heard you tore Shiroyama-kun a new asshole when he asked you out.”

A girl from my class, Setouchi Kaoru, glares at me.

“Well? Is it true?” She runs a hand through her long, bleached hair.

I didn’t get why she was so pissed. I wanted to tell her it was none of her business, but I guess it kind of is, considering she has a big, fat crush on Shiroyama herself. I always had my suspicions, but now I’m sure of it.

“Say something already!”

“Yes, I did.”

It’s the truth... but I guess the old me would normally never act like that.

“And you don’t feel guilty for what you did? Even a little?”

“You want me to be sad about it?”

That was a harsh thing to say, even for me. Why am I trying to piss her off even more? I guess I’m just as irritated as her.

“You love to act like such a goody-goody, but deep down, you think you’re hot shit, don’t you?”

“Says the pot to the kettle.”

I shouldn’t have said that, but for some reason I wanted to throw it back in her face. Why?

“Excuse me?” I can see a vein bulging on her forehead from barely suppressed rage.

“What business is it of yours how I handle unwanted interest?”

I know I’m in the right. But emotional people don’t like it when you take a clinical tone with them; it just makes them angrier. I knew this, and yet I wanted to say it anyway.

I can’t stop myself. I suck at this. Why do I keep making the worst possible choices?

“I knew it! You’re so full of yourself! And you’re such a fucking bitch!”

“If anyone’s the bitch here, it’s you.”

“Excuse me?! Oh my god, you’re so two-faced!”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.”

Two-faced. Yeah, I can see how it would look that way.

“How could you lie to everyone like that?! You tricked poor Shiroyama-kun!”

That part I refuse to accept. I didn’t “trick” anyone, thanks.

“What’s your problem? Why you, of all people...? What about me? Deep down, I...”

“You what?” I ask.

Instantly, her flushed face turns beet red. “Screw you! I’ll get you for this!”

With that, she storms away. Great. Now she has a grudge against me. Good job, me.

Maybe she’s right.

Maybe the real me is just a two-faced bitch.

This or that. This or that.

So many possible choices.

Normally—

If it were me—

So I—