Chapter 5: Kiriyama Yui’s Dramatic Struggle

At Yamaboshi High School, gym classes are held jointly—two classrooms worth of students at the same time. And as luck would have it, Class 1-A (containing myself, Kiriyama Yui, and Aoki Yoshifumi) is always paired with Class 1-C (containing Inaba Himeko, Nagase Iori, and Yaegashi Taichi). It’s the one class of the day where the whole CRC gets to be together, and seeing as I already liked gym class to begin with, that easily makes it my number one favorite class of all time! It’s the thing I look forward to most each day!

Today the first-year girls are playing soccer—Team A (Class 1-A) versus Team B (Class 1-C).

The whistle blows to signal the kick-off for the second half.

“Yui!” a classmate shouts as she passes the ball to me.

I trap the ball with my right foot and begin to dribble as I charged forward into enemy territory. The opposing team closes in on me from all sides, eager to steal the ball. But these girls are amateurs, and they don’t stand a chance against me. I run freely around their half of the field, dodging one after another... Then, with a kick, I send the ball flying toward the goal!

The goalie shrieks and jumps out of the way, letting my shot pass. The impact with the net makes the whole thing rattle. “Yes!” I shout, pumping my fists.

“Nice shot, Yui,” says my good friend Yukina. “But don’t you think maybe you should let the rest of the team have a turn?”

Meanwhile, Fujishima Maiko, president of Class 1-C, blows the whistle. “Goal! One point to Team A. Special yellow card issued to Kiriyama-san!”

“Like, what the what? What for? And what the heck is a ‘special’ yellow card, anyway?”

“It doesn’t matter. Starting now, you’re not allowed to cross into the other team’s field until I say you can.”

“Why are you giving me a handicap?! This is ridiculous! Like, you all agree with me, right, girls?!”

But no one, not even my own team, steps up to bat for me.

“Yui, when you play that hard, the other team doesn’t stand a chance,” Yukina tells me.

I went easy on them during the first half, didn’t I? Let me have fun for once! Tch...

After my handicap was instated, I gave myself a second restriction—no dribbling—and focused instead on passing to my teammates. (See? I can totally take a hint!)

Without much left for me to do, I glance over at the other soccer field where Teams C and D are playing... and before I know it, I find myself watching Iori.

Before now, she would always be the center of attention in gym class... but no one’s passing her the ball. She’s completely open—and they can see that she’s open—but they’re ignoring her. Almost... on purpose.

Her expression is dark, which is her aesthetic these days.

“Yui-chan! Heads up!”

At this, I glance back in time to notice a girl from Team B headed my way with the ball. I jog over a few steps, swipe the ball from her, then kick it over to someone else on my team.

“How are you still so good when you’re not even paying attention...?” Yukina mutters, but I can tell she isn’t actually looking for a response, so I totally ig her question.

I look back at the other field.

Instead of competing for the ball, Iori stands idly in the back.

But then—

—a fellow teammate slams into her, and she staggers. Meanwhile, the other girl (can’t remember her name, but I want to say it’s... Setouchi?) jogs back to the center of the field without so much as an apology.

“Wait... Did she do that on purpose...?”

It looked a little too rough to be an accident.

After the match ended, we put all our equipment away, and with that, gym class was officially over. (For the record, Team A was down by one point right up until the very end when Fujishima-san lifted my handicap, so I scored two goals and clinched the victory in the last minute!)

I wanted to talk to Iori about what I saw, but she was on the opposite side of the athletic field, so I didn’t quite get the chance.

Normally she was a social butterfly who would strike up a conversation with just about anyone, but from what I saw, she barely talked to anyone except Inaba.

Taichi, you’re right there! Can’t you see Iori’s all alone?! Why aren’t you talking to her?! ...Oh, right. I guess things are still awkward between them.

“I noticed you kept staring at Nagase-san,” Yukina comments. She hesitates for a moment, then continues, “I’ve actually, um... heard some stuff...”

“What’s up?”

“There’s some awful rumors going around about her. People are saying she’s two-faced... that she uses her good looks to lead guys on, only to turn around and eviscerate them when they ask her out...”

“Yukina, you don’t believe that stuff, do you?”

“Relax! Of course I don’t! You’ve told me before what a good friend she is. It’s just, you know, there’s bound to be people out there who buy into it... I don’t mean me! Will you please stop looking at me like that?!”

What jerk is spreading rumors about Iori?

On my way back to the locker room, I managed to flag Iori down. “Hey, Iori!”

“...What is it?”

“Oh, umm...”

Crap... I should’ve thought of something to say!

[Whoa, her tits are huuuge...]

Keep your eyes to yourself, Aoki, you stupid horndog! Boobs aren’t everything, you jerk! Also, I’m kind of in the middle of something right now, so shut up!

“Umm... During the match just now... Nnn...” Partway through my sentence, it occurs to me that Iori probably won’t want to talk about this, so I start to hesitate... No, I gotta push through! I keep my eyes firmly on hers and continue, “Everyone was acting weird, weren’t they?”

To be fair, things with Iori have been “weird” for quite a while now, but anyways.

“Nope.”

“But nobody passed you the ball!”

It’s almost like her weirdness has spread to everybody around her.

“Just a coincidence.”

“Are you sure? Maybe something’s going on—”

Right then, I get a Transmission from Iori:

[Stop. Don’t talk to me.]

Her jumbled emotions make me stop dead in my tracks... but Iori keeps walking.

I can tell she’s struggling with something—I can feel it—but I don’t know what.

Here I am, literally reading her mind, and yet I still don’t understand what’s going on with her. I can feel her pain, but I can’t ease her burden... and it hurts. It really, really hurts.

On top of studying for finals (and in my case, karate practice at the dojo), the Cultural Research Club was busy prepping the spotlight guide map for our presentation.

“Let’s see... We’ve got a little-known cafe ideal for dates, a Chinese restaurant with large portions for good prices, a store that sells cute jewelry and accessories, a small but fancy hair salon... and that’s not even everything! I’m impressed we managed to cover this much ground,” I mutter to myself. Looks like we’re on track! “Though, some of them are obviously super-biased, like whoever decided to put this pro wrestling venue in here,” I add.

Taichi reacts instantly. “Hey! Do you even know how many historic pro wrestling events have taken place right there inside that—”

“You know, if we classed these brochures up a bit, we could probably sell them,” Inaba cuts in.

“Good grief, Inaba! You’re always looking to make a quick buck, aren’t you?” I retort, ignoring Taichi entirely. Aww, he looks sad... Maybe that was kinda mean...

“I gotta say, the brochure took wayyyy too much time to put together. We should’ve started with the map,” she grumbles.

Our current plan is to showcase the giant spotlight map, then have all the little details organized in the brochures alongside it. Right now, we’ve just started work on the map part. Basically, all we need to do is draw up the map, then place all of our locations onto it, all while maintaining a legible, yet memorable style... but there’s a lot of work to be done.

The auditorium is a big room, so we’ll need to make sure the people sitting in the back can still read it... and the judges sit even farther back (so they can observe the audience reactions, or something like that)... which means we’ll need to tape together a lot of construction paper.

And we don’t have a ton of time to do all this.

“You’re cool with this font style for the title, right, Inabacchan?” asks Aoki amid the clutter.

“Yeah... Damn it, this design is too fucking elaborate! We should’ve gone with something easier... I never should’ve read that stupid ‘Advertising That Sells’ book!”

Not only that, but she picked up books on hand lettering and color theory, too. As usual, once she’s put her mind to something, she goes all-out!

It’ll be a lot of effort, but once we’re done, our presentation will be leagues ahead of any regular old high school assignment. Like, if we entered it in a guide map competition, it would totally take home the trophy! (I don’t think they actually have guide map competitions, but still!) It sucks that we’ll only get to use it for this one presentation, you know?

“And why do we have so many goddamn locations?! I’d like to trim down the list... but if that loses us points, I’ll be pissed! I refuse to let those assholes beat us!”

“Quit shaking the paper! You’re going to make me screw up!” Taichi scolds her.

And so the busywork continues... but our club president and life of the party, Nagase Iori, is nowhere to be found. These days she’s always taking off early—and that’s assuming she even shows up at all. Her absence is painfully apparent, too.

This time around, the phenomenon we’re facing is called Sentiment Transmission. Sure, it can be embarrassing—like having all the details of your love life broadcasted to everyone—but for the most part, we haven’t let it bother us. Maybe it’s because we’ve been through it so many times already.

Still, that doesn’t mean we’re totally unfazed. Iori’s suffered the most out of all of us. And based on the timing, I’d say the Sentiment Transmission is directly related to her weird behavior... The rumor mill probably isn’t helping things, either... Plus, there was that incident during gym class today... Maybe I should’ve acted differently back then.

Now that I think about it, of all the emotions I felt in that jumbled mess she Transmitted, the biggest one was... sadness.

Just as I realize this, Inaba taps my shoulder with her pen. “Focus, Yui! You’re the most artsy person here! Without you, we’ll never get done in time!”

“Inaba... Just because you suck at it doesn’t mean you need to take it out on poor Kiriyama...”

“Nngh... Contrary to your wild delusions, I’m not taking anything out on her, so quit making me into the villain, Taichi, and for the record I do not suck at this, thank you!”

“And she said it all in one breath, too! Damn, girl,” Aoki comments appreciatively.

Never a dull moment here in Rec Hall Room 401.

“Sorry... I was just thinking about Iori... I mean...” Crap. I shouldn’t have said that.

“Yeahhh...” Now Taichi’s expression is tinged with remorse. I really shouldn’t have said that... God, I’m so sorry...

“It’s that asshole’s fault for playing God and tormenting us with its stupid phenomena,” Inaba mutters. “Sure, this one’s a bit less scary than last time since it won’t affect the world around us, but still, it—actually, never mind—”

[I’m so fucking scared... I’m terrified.]

It’s a Transmission from Inaba. Her fear makes my chest tighten.

Instantly, Inaba’s expression grows panicked—but then she exhales and looks at me, her long eyelashes fluttering, firm resolve in those almond-shaped eyes. It’s a look that says “Don’t say anything. I’m fine.”

She clears her throat and continues, “Anyway, thus far I personally haven’t Transmitted anything I wouldn’t want the rest of you to know about, but if that happened, well... it’s a frightening thought. Maybe that’s what happened to Iori... I just wish she’d tell us.”

From her tough outer persona, you’d never guess she was holding all that anxiety deep inside. Everybody knows she’s a total worrywart—but most of the time we don’t realize just how scared she gets. To make things worse, she never actually tells us how she’s feeling; she just tries to be strong for the rest of us.

I always assumed she was a total badass by nature, but there’s more to it than that. She actively works hard to conceal her weaknesses. I never realized just how much effort she puts in on a daily basis... All this time, I’ve just sat back and let her make the tough calls...

The room falls silent. The air between us is heavy.

Until, that is, Aoki’s dopey voice breaks the tension:

“Anyways! I’m sure Iori-chan knows she can come to us whenever she needs help. We just gotta wait until she’s ready. And then once she’s ready, we’ll give it all we’ve got! That’s all there is to it, folks!” he declares.

His cheery tone contrasts sharply with the vibe in the room. It catches me off-guard, and I stare blankly back... Then I realize what his game plan is, and I grin. “Right!”

This guy always knows how to take control of the conversation. At first glance it seems like it’s entirely unintentional, but like with Inaba, I bet he puts a lot of effort and consideration into it. He knows he might annoy someone, but he does it anyway... I genuinely respect him for it.

[This is one of the things I love about you, actually.]

“Wh—?!”

Oh my god, don’t Transmit that! And did you really have to send it to Inaba and Taichi, too?!

“Y-Yui...? Do you mean it...? Wait—it’s a Transmission, so you’ve gotta mean it! YES! Finally, a declaration of love from my swee—Mmph?!” I hastily stuff a crumpled ball of paper into his mouth to shut him up. Sadly, he spits it out. “Ghcckk! What was that for?! It’s the truth, ain’t it?!”

“Shut up! Don’t get the wrong idea, okay?! I was just complimenting you on one single facet of your stupid personality, that’s all!”

“She couldn’t sound more tsundere if she tried,” Inaba snarks.

“And she’s blushing, too,” Taichi comments.

“Both of you shut up or I’ll kick your asses!”

Everyone laughs as my cheeks burn. Grrrr!

I fold my arms and pout, and the others start to apologize. You guys think just because you said sorry I’m going to let you off the hook?! Because... well... you’re right! But still!

“I think Aoki’s got the right idea,” Taichi muses. “There’s not much we can do for Nagase... that she one hundred percent definitely wants us to do... except keep the CRC going in her absence. She’s the president, after all. So we need to do our best to make the club presentation a success.”

She shot him down, and yet it’s obvious he still cares about her... despite the emotional devastation she put him through. I got that Transmission he sent, and I felt every bit of it.

That said, the disclaimer of “one hundred percent definitely” is kinda playing it safe, in my opinion.

All at once, I feel a burning passion rise up from deep inside. I don’t want to let Aoki show me up! I want to pull my own weight! I want to help Inaba and Taichi... and Iori, too!

In the past, I always let them do all the heavy lifting... but then I promised myself I would get stronger and fight my own battles. So, the best thing I can do right now is put in effort, one step at a time. Otherwise I’ll never get on their level!

“...Is it cool if I take off?”

“Don’t be stupid! Without you, our work efficiency will plummet!” Inaba snaps, but I stand my ground.

“Don’t worry! I’ll just make up for it later!” I insist as I start putting away all the markers I was using. Then I toss the pen case into my bookbag and hop to my feet.

“What’s goin’ on, Yui?! Need my help with anything?!”

“No! I can do it myself, thank you!”

“K-Kiriyama, wait! Don’t be so impulsive!” Taichi warns me.

“I’ll be fine! Super ironic coming from you, though!”

“Will you just slow down for one goddamn minute?” Inaba demands as she blocks my path to the door. “Look, I got a feeling I know what you’re up to, but...” She scratches her head, then continues in a small voice, “I think you should hold off for the time being.” The look on her face is dead serious. “If she needs help, she’ll say so. It’s just... risky, that’s all.”

“Risky how?”

“Well, I mean, you...” Inaba falls silent and looks to the floor.

“Relax, Inaba. I’m stronger now.” I shoot her a winning grin.

She furrows her brows at me for a moment... then smiles back.

“Okay, see ya!”

And with that, I slip past her and out the door.

After a quick phone call to let her know I’m coming over, I jump on the first train to Iori’s house. My plan is to have a conversation with her—a real conversation, not just idle chatter. I can’t assume I know her based on things I’ve heard from everyone else. I need to talk to her myself.

The others are all doing their best to put her needs first... and they’ve all chosen a more passive “watch and see” approach. I mean, they’re not wrong—I’m sure Iori would come to us of her own volition if she needed us. But what if she doesn’t even understand what it is she’s struggling with? Maybe she can’t ask for help!

I’m sure the others all understand that, of course. But sometimes if you pry too much, you risk pushing the other person further into their shell. Sometimes you have to give them space to think... and I know Iori just needs to sort out her emotions, so all we can really do is... Oh, but we have to take the Sentiment Transmission into consideration... Gahhh, I don’t know anymore!

But once we have this talk, I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

There isn’t much I can do that’s guaranteed to be the “right” choice. What matters most is to find the courage to take that next step in spite of the risk.

I can do this! I’ll prove I can do it just like the rest of them!

Meanwhile, my train pulls into Iori’s station.

I pass through the turnstiles and head down the street. Eventually I see Iori heading my way.

“Iori!” I hurry over to her. “Sorry to spring this on you. I appreciate you meeting me halfway...”

“It’s fine,” she replies, her expression blank. Her trademark smile is nowhere to be found. Instead, her expression is perfectly blank, like a work of art—beautiful, yet... eerie.

Rather than take up space on the sidewalk, we decide to take our conversation to the parking lot of a nearby restaurant. We’re not going inside, though, because I’m going straight back to the clubroom after this.

Iori’s the first to speak.

“Remember the last time this happened? Except now it’s the other way around.”

“Huh?” For a moment, I don’t understand what she’s talking about. Then it hits me. “Ohhh, right.”

She means during the Liberation, when I isolated myself in my room, refused to go to school, and generally made myself a huge burden for everyone else to deal with. Back then, Iori came over to my house dozens of times. She was the one who tried the hardest to fix everything, often by herself.

And now I have the chance to return the favor.

“Say, Iori... how do you feel about the Sentiment Transmission?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, like... ‘it’s really hard’ or ‘it really sucks’ or something...”

“It’s... definitely hard.”

“C-Could you be more specific about that?”

“I thought you wanted me to say ‘it’s really hard’ or ‘it really sucks’ or something,” she replies, staring dully at my general chest area.

This... isn’t working out the way I thought it would. It’s harder than I was expecting. I take a deep breath, then exhale.

“But you seem really... sad. Like you’re in pain.” At least, that’s what I got from her Transmission, anyway. “I’d really like to help you feel better.”

“I don’t think you can.”

Just like that, she shoots me down. But I’m not done yet!

“C’mon, what’s the matter, Iori? Normally you’re all sunshine and smiles, but lately you’ve gotten all dark and gloomy. You’ve helped me so much... I’d do anything to help you get back to—”

“I’m not gonna fucking go back to normal,” she snaps, and I hear a slight quiver in her voice. “You don’t see it. You don’t get it. No, it’s not just you... it’s everyone. None of you see the real me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just... tired. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t make it work... Not like I used to.”

Stop! Don’t talk like that! Don’t give up!

“Sure you can! You can still make it work—”

[I can’t be friends with Yui anymore.]

...What? Are you serious? That’s not true! Don’t even think that!

But her Transmitted emotions make it painfully clear that she meant every word.

I won’t accept this! I refuse to accept this!

“I love you, Iori... That’ll never change, no matter what.”

I wish I could send a Transmission right now so she would know I meant it.

“What if I change?”

“That won’t matter.”

“Even if I changed literally every part of myself?”

“...Yeah...?”

“So what about me makes you want to be my friend? If I changed everything about myself, I would be an entirely different person. I’d be a stranger.”

Right. I see what she’s getting at. “We’ll still have all our history together.”

“So as long as you were friends with someone at one point, you’ll stay friends with them forever, even if they turn into a jerk? Even if they commit crimes or something?”

“W-Well...”

Is this a logical debate now, all of a sudden? How am I supposed to counter that? What do I say? She’s freaking me out... What do I do? What do I—

[This isn’t Iori...]

I just Transmitted that.

And... I can’t quite rationally explain it, but... I have a gut feeling that it was something I really shouldn’t have let Iori hear.

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that I thought it. I can’t pretend I didn’t. It wasn’t an emotional reaction in the heat of the moment. It’s just an immutable fact of life now.

[This is why I can’t be friends with her anymore. I can’t. I can’t!]

Her Transmission—all her sorrow and loneliness and anguish—cuts me to the bone.

Now, finally, I understand why Inaba said this was risky. During the Sentiment Transmission, these deep conversations can dig up way more than we ever wanted. We can’t risk seeing each other’s most despicable thoughts.

Now there’s a plainly visible gulf between myself and Iori... and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m powerless. I can’t melt her frozen heart... I can’t keep trying anymore.

Somebody save me...

Night falls.

Alone, I trudge down the street, huddling into my jacket to shield my face from the icy breeze. Meanwhile, I flex my gloved fingers to keep them warm.

During the daytime, it feels like spring is just around the corner, but once the sun goes down, winter rears its ugly head.

Still, I felt like walking home, so here I am.

Everybody else probably went home by now. I feel bad... I meant to come right back, but instead I basically ditched them.

I was arrogant. I thought for sure I could make it work, but in the end, all I did was pour salt in the wound.

Suddenly, my cell phone starts to vibrate. Someone’s calling me. I pull off my right-hand glove and check the screen: Mihashi Chinatsu. She was my karate rival back in elementary and middle school. Then we lost touch with each other for a while... until winter break, when she came back to visit. One thing led to another, and now we’re good friends.

As I answer the call, I get the feeling this might take a little while, so I step into the nearest bus shelter and take a seat.

She tells me about her life, and I tell her about mine in return—mostly. Not the parts with «Heartseed» or the other supernatural stuff, obviously.

Thankfully the bus shelter is heated, and no one else is around.

“...So yeah, that’s about the gist of it. What do you think I should do, Chinatsu?”

“It’s hard to say without knowing the full story... but to be honest, it kinda sounds like you should just leave her be. Most things just take time to sort themselves out.”

“No! I can’t just... sit around!”

I can’t just abandon Iori when she’s struggling! What kind of monster does that?!

“...Look, this isn’t why I called you, alright? I have my own shit to complain about.”

“But mine’s worse!”

“Maybe so, but seeing as I’m not directly involved, I can only help so much.”

“You’re so mean!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a jerk. You knew this going in.”

“But I need your help, so like, just help me already!”

“Hah!” Chinatsu scoffs on the other end of the line. “Give me a break. Can’t you do anything by yourself?”

She must think I’m such a baby.

“L-Look, I tried, okay?! It just... didn’t work out...”

My effort was just a waste of time... and now I don’t know what to do next.

“...Sorry for getting grumpy with you. I’m sure you’re doing your best, so—”

Just then, there’s an ear-splitting electronic beep, and the call forcibly ends. I check the display to see the “out of battery” screen waiting for me. And just my luck, I don’t have a spare battery on hand with me.

“Ugh, this sucks!”

And so I find myself alone in the bus shelter.

I can feel my palms starting to sweat. Man, the heater in here is cranked up really high... That’s not very eco-friendly, you know!

Then the door slides open, and the chilly winter air rushes in from outside, brushing against my flushed cheeks. I hear the sound of footsteps and look up.

There stands «Heartseed», wearing the body of our club advisor, Gotou Ryuuzen.

“Uh... hhh...”

My heart nearly stops. No, I take that back. It totally stops.

I can’t breathe.

Then my pulse starts racing super-fast, and my face feels hot... No, cold? I’m not sure which.

My hands shake.

“Good day to you, Kiriyama-san... Wait... Maybe I should have said ‘good evening’... Ugh... I should have just said ‘hello’ like normal...”

Its posture is limp and lifeless. Its voice is somehow both wet and dry at the same time. And it radiates a darkness that threatens to pull me in.

Someone save me!

I feel myself start to sweat again—this time for a different reason entirely.

“What’s wrong, Kiriyama-san...? You look unwell... Not that it matters...”

Do you care or not?! Make up your mind!

“Is it just me, or... have we not spoken much compared to the others...? Maybe you don’t see fit to speak to me...?”

I admit, I’ve barely spoken to «Heartseed» at all since this whole thing started. I didn’t see it at all during the Age Regression, or the Liberation before that. I was there when it showed up to explain the Sentiment Transmission, though. But the others were with me at the time.

Right now, it’s just me.

“Umm... Could you say something in response now...? Otherwise this is going to turn into a soliloquy on my part... although that tends to happen most of the time regardless...”

“Wh... What do you want?” I ask, forcing the words out of my throat.

Here I am, alone in a bus shelter with «Heartseed», who’s blocking the only exit.

I remember Aoki told us «Heartseed» approached him when he was alone one time. And Inaba said it might be a recurring thing, so she wanted us all to keep our guard up. But I never thought it would happen to me, so I didn’t worry about it too much.

If I fought it, could I win? No way. I know the answer to that question. After all, I tried once before—and got crushed instantly.

“Oh, but... Please don’t try to fight me... or do anything dangerous...”

Busted.

“So... Kiriyama-san... How do you feel about this phenomenon...?”

What kind of question is that?

“Does it... frighten you...?”

Frighten me? Of course it does. And so do you, you freak!

“Isn’t it frightening, having your most personal thoughts and feelings put on display for all to see?”

Why does it feel like his voice is getting stronger...?

“Your deepest fears...”

I know fear can hurt people. When I learned about Iori’s pain, it only made me hurt her worse. And in the same way I was shown her darkness, the others might see mine, too. My rawest self—all of my most shameful and disgusting parts laid bare. They might hate me for it...

All this time, I tried so hard not to look into the abyss—and now here it is, staring me in the face.

I’ve always known just how scary the Transmission is. I just forced myself not to think about it. Feign ignorance. That’s what we decided as a group, right from the start. After all, it’s a slippery slope—the more you think about it, the further you slip.

So we chose to carry on like normal. It’s not even that hard, since we’re all kind of used to it at this point. But now I’m slipping.

What do I do? What do I do? I can’t unsee it!

As «Heartseed»’s dead-eyed gaze bores into me, I feel all my most negative emotions surging inside me—jealousy, contempt, resentment, hatred—

[Help me!]

And the Sentiment Transmission strikes, sending my fear to Aoki and Taichi.

Thank god... I’m saved... They have no way of knowing where I am, but knowing them, I’m sure they’ll find me... I’m safe now... My friends are on their way—

Then Chinatsu’s voice replays in my mind: Can’t you do anything by yourself? Her voice is so crisp, it’s almost like she Transmitted it.

I just... want to pull my own weight. No matter how hard it gets, I don’t want to give up. I want to be stronger!

The flames of determination rekindle inside me, and I remember the promise I made to myself. I swore I would never lose to anyone or anything ever again! Why the heck am I asking for help?!

I get to my feet and hop into a fighting stance—left side forward, my hips low, my abdomen tensed, my fists at chin-height. Then I fix «Heartseed» with a pointed glare.

“What are you—”

“Sure, the Sentiment Transmission is scary, and it sucks, and I hate it... but I’m done running away. I’ve already made a fool of myself in front of them, like, a thousand times by now. So I don’t really care what you send them.”

Weird... I don’t even feel scared of «Heartseed» anymore!

Inaba... Aoki... Taichi... Iori...

“They’re all out there fighting... and I’m going to fight, too.”

Then I realize something important: No, I shouldn’t be asking my friends to solve my problems... but that doesn’t mean I should fight alone. We should be fighting this thing together!

“...Doesn’t seem like anything I say will have much of an effect at this point... Ugh... You know, I’ve been thinking...”

«Heartseed» slumps forward even farther, and its dull expression grows even duller. Maybe it’s... disappointed...?

“...Maybe this tactic isn’t very effective... It’s not fun anymore... Maybe I’ll stop... It’s too much effort, anyway... But I need to directly interact with... Oh...” «Heartseed» stops and nods to itself. “Maybe this is why that one manages to meddle so much... My, it seems I’ve taken an interesting turn myself...”

By “that one,” does it mean «The Second»? And what was that about “taking an interesting turn”? Is «Heartseed»... adapting?

“Anyway... Now that you’ve gotten stronger... you might even be less interesting than Aoki-san... or perhaps more interesting? Maybe I should...”

“Um, hello?”

“Oh...”

“Could you quit babbling to yourself and pay attention to the person in front of you? Or are you done here?”

I’m doing it. I’m having a conversation with «Heartseed»! Am I totally awesome, or am I just numb to the fear?

“No... I think I’m done... Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

Oh my god, I’m so stupid. Why did I bother saying goodbye to it?! Actually, no—why did it bother saying goodbye to me? Almost like it... wants to be friends or something...

And so «Heartseed» turns and leaves the bus shelter, sliding the door closed behind it.

Instantly, I collapse on the spot.

“Oh my goddd, that was terrifyinggg!”

I never dreamed I’d ever find myself one-on-one with that thing... but I survived. It actually feels kind of... empowering, strangely enough... but at the same time—

[...That was sooo scary...]

Ack! I Transmitted that!

[[Where is she?!]]

And then I get a double Transmission from both Aoki and Taichi. Good grief, those worrywarts... I guess it’s technically my fault for asking for help, though... I wish I could tell them—

[...I’m at the bus shelter closest to my house...]

Whoa! I was mostly joking, but I actually sent that! Wait... Have we mastered the Sentiment Transmission to the point where we can have, like, entire telepathic conversations?!

With no way to tell them I didn’t need their help anymore, I decide to wait right where I am. While I wait, I try to will myself to Transmit to them, but unfortunately I wasn’t that lucky.

“You okay, Kiriyama?!”

Taichi arrives first, gasping for breath.

...Wait, what?! Aoki, where the heck are you?! Don’t you think you’re the one who ought to show up first at a time like this?! This is the problem with you, oh my god...

Eh, I guess it depends on where he was when he got my Transmission... Or maybe Taichi just has ridiculously good timing...

“Oh, um... Sorry, Taichi. I’m okay now.”

I’m gonna give everyone the full run-down first thing tomorrow, so for now I just give him the abridged version.

“Huh... I guess it’s really making an effort this time around. So that leaves me, Inaba, and Nagase...”

“Mmm, I dunno. It told me ‘it’s not fun anymore,’ so it might not bother.”

“Fun...?” Naturally, Taichi furrows his brows.

“Hey, Taichi...” I think back to the important discovery I made a little while ago and slowly begin to speak. “We’ve all been doing our best to fight these phenomena, don’t you think? Everyone except me, anyway... But I think I’m going to change that.”

“Nah, I’d say you’ve been doing your best, too.”

“Thanks... But still, you guys have had to cover for me a lot, and I haven’t really had the chance to return the favor.”

“Mmph... I guess...”

Normally Taichi’s more of the stoic type, so it’s super obvious what’s he’s thinking. Hee hee! What a dork.

“That’s why I ignored Inaba’s warning and went to have a talk with Iori. I wanted to contribute more. But... I screwed up.”

I made a mistake, and I need to accept that.

“Same thing happened to me. She completely pushed me away.” His expression darkens. “I never understood a single thing about her... and that means there probably isn’t a single thing I can do to help her.”

“That’s not true! I’m sure she’s waiting for you to come to her rescue!”

“No... I don’t think she actually wants that. There’s just nothing I can do...”

“Taichi, you’ve been kind of pathetic lately, you know that?” I glare at him, and he flinches. “You used to be so confident!”

Granted, it’s probably a sign that he’s grown as a person and learned to think things through a little more. And that’s a good thing, of course! Wouldn’t want him to keep jumping in headfirst like a moron... Like when he had [me] kick him in the... you know!!!

“I mean, think about it. Are you really gonna let her keep acting like this in the middle of class?”

“Well...”

Yes! He took the bait!

You know... I think maybe Iori’s got it worse than I thought.

“Now that I think about it... Earlier, when you were like ‘There’s not much we can do for Nagase except make the club presentation a success’... That’s the kind of thing a total loser would say, don’t you think?”

I mean, I get why we need to back off and wait until Iori comes to us of her own free will. But think about it this way: that’s no different from just sitting back and watching! I know internal struggles aren’t exactly easy to solve, but surely we could solve her external ones, at least!

“Look, I want to help her as much as you do, but we can’t. Not until we figure out what she wants.”

Okay, point taken. Iori’s definitely been kind of an enigma lately, and I get where he’s coming from on this. I’m just so frustrated—

“I’ve already screwed this up pretty badly... I just... don’t know...”

Grrrraaaaaahhhhhh!!!

“Oh my god, will you stop being such a BABY?! Nobody knows what the right answer is, okay?! It’s not just you! We’ve all screwed up!” Blood rushes to my head as I lose my temper. “You just gotta try to do better next time!” Wait... This totally applies to me, too! “I don’t even have the right to lecture you on this! But I have no choice ‘cuz you’re acting like a total loser! And now I’m acting like a naggy wife! Thanks a lot, you jerk!”

“Um... I’m... sorry...?”

“You think your apology’s gonna fix anything?! Is that what you think?! Because... I mean, I am gonna forgive you, obviously...”

“Th-Thank you...?” He blinks back at me, looking like what’s the matter with you?

An awkward silence falls between us, and I start to feel bad for going on a tirade. Am I even allowed to act this high and mighty after the way I handled things back there with Iori? What if I’m just... making things worse...?

“Hey, Kiriyama?” Taichi glances over at me, directly into my eyes, and I find myself kind of entranced... Not in a romantic way, obviously! “Let’s figure it all out together, alright?”

Oh, I see. Taichi’s got the same idea.

It’s not about doing all the work yourself, or making someone else do it for you. It’s about bearing that burden together. That’s what friendship is really about.

To me, anyway.

“Yeah. We got this!”

As long as Taichi and the others are on my side, I can keep pushing forward.

“I may not know what’s going on with Nagase right now... and at times it seems like she’s trying to turn everyone against her on purpose... but there’s no way in hell I’m just going to stand around and do nothing.”

“Yeah... I don’t know how to help her, and I’m worried things’ll get worse if I go too far... but I still think we should do whatever we can!”

Hearing this, Taichi beams at me, and I grin back.

“When she pushed me away, I felt so powerless... but now I’m starting to think I was wrong.”

“Darn right!” I declare firmly. Glad to hear he’s picked himself back up again!

[Yui!!! I’m almost there!!!]

Dang it, Aoki, will you hurry the heck up already?!

+ + +

I got a nasty surprise this morning.

When I arrived at school, I found a message scrawled on my desk. It didn’t take long to erase, so it wasn’t a huge issue, but no one bothered to help me. Too scared to interact with me, I guess. Maybe things would’ve been different had Taichi or Inaba been around.

Not only that, but I had a fight with my mom that morning and I misplaced my favorite scrunchie, so I was already in a shitty mood.

So naturally the universe decided it was going to make things worse for me. Of course.

[I can’t let myself be a coward while everyone else is out there trying their hardest. I need to be brave, damn it.]

I got this Transmission from Inaba around lunchtime, and sure enough, she approached me that same day after school, right when I was at my lowest. She couldn’t have picked a worse time if she tried, I thought.

“Iori, you need to tell us what the fuck is going on with you. We seriously can’t keep letting it slide.”

“Then what took you so long?” I asked. It wasn’t what I wanted to say, but I didn’t have a choice.

This retort is all it takes to get a reaction out of her. Apparently Inaba didn’t account for this question. She reeks of hesitation... Maybe she’s not on her game today.

“...I won’t make excuses. I’m sorry I waited as long as I did. I admit, I wasn’t exactly sure what to do or how to handle this. You’re just so different now...”

Different. Yeah, I guess I am.

“And? What about it?”

Why do I keep taking this tone with her? A normal person would never act like this... but then again, I guess that’s my problem. I can’t be normal.

“Iori... please just tell me what’s going on with you,” she begged, teeth gritted.

“I don’t have to. The Transmission will just tell you anyway.”

“The Transmission doesn’t give us the whole picture, just bits and pieces. It’s not enough to understand you completely. I need you to tell me everything.”

“Why should I?”

Her eyes widened in shock. “Are you serious...?”

Just like that, she began to fall apart, right before my eyes. I knew she was fragile. God, it hurts.

Right as she was on the verge of tears, she shook her head. Was she choosing to pretend I didn’t say that? Was she trying to keep it together?

“Iori... You’ve helped me so goddamn much, and now I want to help you! Well... Okay, I know that sounds arrogant of me, but still...” She balled her hands into fists. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Isn’t helping each other what friends do? Just ask me!”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I shot back flatly.

“What? Give me a fucking break. You know it’s the right thing to do!” she hissed, and I could hear anger in her tone.

“See? There you go again, making assumptions.”

“Excuse me? What the fuck is wrong with you?! The real you would never say something like that! You’re not like this!”

The real you. You’re not like this. Well, sorry, but I can’t be that me. I can’t make it work.

Meanwhile, Inaba’s emotions were running high. “What’s the matter with you?! You’ve been acting weird ever since you rejected Taichi’s confession! Look, I know it’s hard to keep things normal when we’ve got the Transmission going on. I know it’s scary. I know it hurts. Hell, I was scared myself... but that’s no excuse. Why would you feel the need to shoot Taichi down like that? I know you have feelings for him—”

And there it is again.

[Stop assuming you know me.]

“...Huh?”

At my Transmission, she blinked at me like an idiot, and dark emotions began to froth up inside me. You wanna know everything? I’ll give you everything, alright.

A voice in my head warned me that I shouldn’t take it out on her, but I ignored it.

“If anyone’s weird, it’s you,” I snapped. “First you tell me to get with Taichi... try to set things up for us... go on and on and on about how we should totally be an item... and then once we finally give in, all of a sudden it’s ‘Whoops, turns out I like him too!’”

“I... I...” She began to shake like a leaf, her arms wrapped tightly around herself like she was freezing cold.

“But then when I decide not to hook up with him, suddenly you don’t like that either! So which is it? What the hell do you want from me?” I knew I wasn’t in any position to judge her, but I kept going. “Nothing’s ever good enough for you, is it? First you try to play Cupid, and then you throw it all out the window so you can join the party. Have you ever once thought about how I might feel? Are you even thinking at all?”

Normally I would never have said something like this. I must be a monster.

Inaba fell to her knees in defeat.

[I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...]

As I heard her voice, I could feel all of her regret and guilt and self-loathing. It hurt so bad, my chest felt like it was going to burst. I wanted to tell her not to feel bad about it.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. If I could, we wouldn’t be having this problem.

And that would be when I got a Transmission from Taichi:

[I’m not fighting this alone. I just need to do whatever I can... for Nagase’s sake.]

I could feel his burning passion, pure and just.

It stung.

Give it a rest already, I thought.

I don’t deserve it.

I’m not ready.