Chapter 6: Inaba Himeko’s Commitment

I was so crushed, I wanted to die... but I knew better than to let myself think like that, even for a moment.

Last night, I had myself a pathetic little pity party. That was all well and good, of course, until I inadvertently Transmitted it and freaked everyone out (by which I mean Taichi rushed straight over to my house the moment he heard what I was thinking).

I went in with conviction only half-baked. A sense of duty that was more obligatory than anything else. And for that, I paid a painful price.

I remember everything Iori said to me yesterday.

I thought I knew just how selfish I was being. I told myself I would live with that guilt resting on my shoulders. Clearly I wasn’t doing a good job, however, considering how badly Iori had hurt me. At some point I must’ve taken the easy way out and just pretended not to notice.

Was it because Iori herself told me it was fine...? No, I shouldn’t try to pass the blame. That’s the last thing I should be doing right now.

I could pretend this is a chick flick or teen drama and say something like “It’s not a crime to love someone,” but that doesn’t work in real life.

I think back to Iori’s perfectly sculpted face, her expression blank like a doll’s.

“Stop assuming you know me”? What exactly was I assuming back there?

There’s this massive gulf between my personal image of Nagase Iori and whoever she is right now. What happened? How did it get like this? Everything’s falling apart. And soon, all that will remain—

“Inaba! Quit spacing! We’re not going to be able to do club stuff for the next three days while we head into finals week, so today’s like our last day to get all our presentation prep done, remember?!”

“Yui’s right, Inabacchan! I need to study! If I fail all my classes, it’ll be your fault!”

“...Uh, no, I’m pretty sure that’d be your fault still...”

“Taichi! You’re not s’posed to correct me! You’re supposed to say ‘We didn’t agree to come in on a Saturday just to sit around’ or somethin’!”

“...W-We didn’t agree to come in on a Saturday just to sit around...”

“Yes! Perfect!”

“Will you two meatheads quit goofing off?! We’re already shorthanded as it is! We need to, like, pull double duty!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Sorry, Kiriyama...”

“As long as you’ve learned your lesson, I forgive you, Taichi. But just so you know, Aoki, one whole day’s worth of studying isn’t going to save you.”

“Aww, c’mon! Don’t crush my dreams!”

“No matter the outcome, ultimately, you have no one to blame but yourself.”

“I heard you the first time, Taichi, you jerk!”

“Don’t come crying to me when you get held back... Ahem...”

“Y-You’re freaking me out, Yui! Hahaha... AAAGGGGHHH! Now I’m scared, dang it! I don’t wanna get held back!”

These idiots always have something to scream about, it seems.

“Inaba! You’re zoning out again!”

“R-Right. Sorry.” At Yui’s insistence, I get back to work. “Anyway, relax. You’re not that stupid... I’m sure you’ll manage to graduate your second time around.”

“So now you’re assuming I’m gonna get held back, is that it?! Yui didn’t snap you back to reality just so you could jump on the Aoki hate train, y’know!”

Now that I’ve dunked on him for a bit, I’m feeling more like myself again.

At last, the presentation prep is starting to wrap up. Our jumbo-sized presentation map took more than 10 sheets of construction paper to put together; it’s so large, we don’t even have space here in the clubroom to unfold it all the way. Not only that, but we wrote everything in a fancy script with a matching color scheme, too. It’s extremely classy-looking. Plus, partway through Yui was inspired to add a bunch of little doodles everywhere. I keep finding new things every time I look!

We really knocked this out of the park, if I do say so myself. There’s so much here, it’ll be impossible to cover every little detail within the 15-minute time limit. With this level of effort, I’m hoping we’ll have a decent chance of scoring higher than the jazz band. Maybe they’ll even give us bonus points for outclassing all the other culture clubs!

We can do this. I’m confident.

Our plan was flawless, but moreso than that, we’ve all poured our hearts into it—and now we have something that represents all of our work over the past year. Something we can really be proud of.

All that’s left now is to practice our individual portions of the speech. Then, after finals, it’ll be showtime.

We have two versions of the presentation: one with all five of us, and... one for if Iori doesn’t show up. But even if she’s been skipping club meetups, I’m sure she’ll be there for the big day... or so I want to believe, anyway. But we only get one chance to do this, so we have to be prepared for every contingency.

...I wonder what she’s up to right now.

“Inaba, it’s going to be okay,” Taichi whispers so only I can hear, and for a moment I question whether I Transmitted... but it turns out I’m just wearing my anxiety on my sleeve.

“Thanks,” I reply quietly, then turn my attention back to the task at hand.

I can feel how much he cares for me, and it makes me want to run crying to him with all my problems... but I can’t. Not while Iori’s out there suffering.

I assumed I knew her better than anyone else, but I didn’t have the first clue about how she really felt.

I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for her. That’s a fact. Without her, I wouldn’t have come out of my shell. She was the one who got me to open up in class and talk to people.

She once told me she’d always want to be my friend, no matter what. That our friendship would never fall apart over “some stupid boy.” So how much of that did she actually mean? Or... did she mean it at the time, but she changed her mind since? I really hope that’s not the case. That would be... heartbreaking.

In times like these, I finally realize just how much she meant to me. Hindsight sure is 20/20, isn’t it? God... This is why I always fuck up the things that matter most. I can’t apologize enough. Can’t I atone? Can’t we just go back to normal somehow?

If only I could go back to the days of watching her and Taichi grow closer... I know I shouldn’t wish for that, but I can’t help it.

Just as I think that, the clubroom door opens, and my heart leaps into my throat. She’s here. She actually came to help us prep—

“Hey there, folks! Working hard?”

In walks Gotou Ryuuzen, advisor to Class 1-C and supervisor for the Cultural Research Club.

For a moment my heart stops for a different reason entirely... but fortunately his eyes are fully open and there’s no lethargic vibe to be seen. It’s not our favorite chronic Gotou-body-stealing asshole—it’s just Gotou.

Still not the person I was hoping for, though.

“Oh, it’s Gossan! Thank God,” Yui sighs.

“That excited to see me, eh? That’s real sweet of you, Kiriyama.”

“Me, sweet? Aww, shucks... Hee hee... Wait, what am I saying? Who cares if you think I’m sweet? Am I just taking pity on you ‘cuz you’re going bald...?”

“Me going bald has nothing to do with this—Hey, wait! I’m not going bald! I just have a larger-than-average forehead, that’s all! You got that?!”

This is the first time I’ve seen Gotou actually get mad about something... Maybe he’s sensitive about his hairline... I’ll need to make note of that for the next time I want to bully him...

Look at me, making jokes and shit. Turns out nothing takes your mind off your problems quite like a dumbass adult! Alright, now I’m in Extrovert Mode. Let’s do this.

“Inaba, were you mentally trash-talking me just now?”

“Go away.”

“You’re not even going to deny it?!”

“You know, it’s kinda weird to see you up here, Gossan,” Taichi comments.

“This might actually be the first time in CRC history!” Yui exclaims.

“It’s a Christmas miracle!” shouts Aoki.

“It’s kind of embarrassing, actually, considering you’re supposed to be our club advisor,” I mutter.

“Don’t be ridiculous, kids! I definitely came up here before... like, once-ish! Aren’t I great?”

“Yeah, right. Teacher of the year.”

“So what’s up, Gossan?” Aoki asks.

“Oh, right. Here you go!” Gotou sets a plastic to-go bag on the table. In it are exactly five cans of soda. “Just a little gift for my hardworking students.”

“Whoaaa,” the four of us murmur in unison.

“Besides... y’know... it might be kinda hard to score higher than the jazz band at club presentations.” He adopts a more serious, teacherly tone. So even you don’t believe we’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell, huh? “But I’m rooting for you, y’know. When you put in the effort for something, you’d be surprised just how much it really shows. And other people will take notice.”

For once, I get the feeling Gotou’s actually trying to tell us something important.

“Wow... I guess you really are a teacher...” Yui muses.

“Yeah, he has his moments,” Taichi replies.

“I must’ve missed the memo,” jokes Aoki.

“If you don’t see me as a teacher, then what—Oh, I get it. You see me as a dependable older brother, don’t you? That’s so cute.”

“As always, your optimistic interpretations never fail to astound me,” I retort.

Deep down, I’m glad we’re all together.

“Wait... I knew we were missing someone! Where’s Nagase? In the bathroom?”

Right then, speak of the devil, I get a Transmission from her.

[Another cold winter day.]

...I really wish you were here, Iori.

□■□■□

On Monday morning, I arrived at the classroom a bit earlier than usual. It was finals week, and today was the last day before testing would officially begin.

Our finals would cover all subjects, so I really needed to get my ass in gear, but... I just wasn’t making much progress in terms of studying. I wasn’t in danger of failing or anything, obviously, but there was a good chance my total grade would slip.

Once about two-thirds of my classmates had arrived, the room took on its usual easygoing vibe.

“How many hours did you study last night?”

“I didn’t. I mean, I’m always so busy with club stuff, you know? Now that we’re finally free from it, I just wanna relax!”

“Dude, you still haven’t finished the worksheets? You said you’d have them done yesterday!”

“Yeah, well, that went out the window when we had that big long phone call, didn’t it?!”

Unsurprisingly, test prep was the topic of the day. However, that wasn’t the only conversation to be had in the room. There was some downright inane babbling—

“Hey Watase, how’d it go with the whole ‘Give Fujishima-san a gift on White Day even though she didn’t get you anything for Valentine’s and ask her out anyway’ plan?”

“Shhh! Keep your voice down! Okay, so about that... Turns out Fujishima-san has plans that day to ‘go around spanking all the boys who fail to step up to the plate and return the favor they received’...”

—as well as some giddy gushing from the girls:

“Oh my gosh, you guys! Last night I bumped into Fujishima-san while she was out walking her dog. Did you know she has a bulldog?! It’s sooo cute!”

“Cute? Really? Bulldogs are like, top ten ugliest dogs ever.”

“I won’t stand for that!”

“F-Fujishima-san?!”

...Evidently Fujishima Maiko was a popular topic as well.

[I’m gonna be late! Run, run, run! AAAAHHH! RED LIGHT! STOP!]

The Transmission was from Aoki. I could feel his panic, too. Buzz off, would you? I’m trying to eavesdrop!

But then I had the misfortune of hearing something rather unpleasant.

“I always thought Iori was trying too hard to play the ditz. She’s so shady... I’m pretty sure it was all just an act.”

“Has to be. Nobody’s that much of a goody-goody cinnamon roll.”

“Judging from the way she’s acting lately, maybe those rumors about her are true... You know, the ones about her toying with all the guys?”

Just then, I made eye contact with one of the girls participating in the conversation.

Hastily averting my gaze, I sped back over to my desk and took a seat. I’d been wandering around the class under the pretext of fetching a dictionary, which I promptly opened and placed in front of me, even though I didn’t actually need to look anything up.

The gossip about Iori was steadily growing worse by the day, permeating through the class and tainting their opinions of her. At this rate, it was questionable whether she’d ever be able to set things right. I wanted to believe it was possible, of course, but... there just wasn’t much I could do in that regard. It was painfully clear to me just how powerless I was.

So much for my stupid information gathering and analysis... So much for “maintain total control of the situation at all times”—

“Guys, listen up!”

Suddenly, a familiar voice rang out across the room, and I looked up to find Yaegashi Taichi of all people standing behind the podium with a look on his face like a soldier heading off to war. It was a look I’d seen a handful of times in the past, and normally it would always fill me with a sense of hope... but this time, all I felt was dread.

Come to think of it, Yui had sent me an email this morning warning me to “be on the lookout for any Transmissions from Taichi that might hint at some sort of Plan”... I should’ve been keeping a closer eye on him.

The classroom was still missing a few people, and as such, Taichi’s voice easily cut through the light murmur of conversation.

“What’s gotten into you, Yaegashi?” Watase laughed. But Taichi wasn’t laughing, and the others quickly took the hint.

“Truth be told, I was planning to tell everyone later on, but I really need to nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand.”

Oh god, what are you plotting now?

“As you probably know, Nagase’s been acting a little... differently lately, and there are weird rumors going around about her.”

I knew it. It’s about Iori.

I shot a quick glance around the room, but Iori herself was nowhere to be seen.

“They’re not ‘rumors’ if it’s the truth!” someone commented loudly. It was Setouchi Kaoru, the rebel girl who was trying to turn Iori into Public Enemy #1.

Taichi turned to look at her. Silence fell as they stared daggers at each other for a few seconds. Then he glanced around at the others.

“I don’t know what all has been said about her, and I don’t know what you’ve heard, but the main thing I’d like to ask is that you take it all with a grain of salt.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was a free country,” Setouchi hissed.

“Yes, it is. That’s why I’m asking all of you to decide for yourselves whether you think the rumors are true or false.”

He was impressively committed to this plan of his. Classic Taichi.

The other students began to whisper to each other. As latecomers walked in, they saw Taichi at the podium and turned to their friends for an explanation.

Taichi’s request had visibly moved them. After all, they didn’t start out hating Iori—they’d all spent the past year of their lives having fun with her, so naturally they were inclined to believe she was a good person at heart.

I’d known this full well, of course. It could’ve been me standing up there. But I never tried... and I wasn’t about to join in now, either. Why? Because I was afraid of the backlash I might receive if I screwed up.

High school was a jungle. One wrong move and you could end up turning everyone against you.

As things stood, I already had a reputation among my classmates for being arrogant and overbearing. Because of this, I took great pains to avoid getting on anyone’s bad side.

The thought was frightening... Surely Taichi was aware of the risk.

And yet he went up there regardless—all to protect Nagase Iori, the very girl who broke his heart.

“But isn’t it obvious just from the way she’s acting?” Setouchi shot back. At this, public opinion began to shift again; I could feel it in the air.

“She’s got a point...”

“Yeahhh...”

“I mean, she’s acting totally different now...”

And that was the biggest reason I hadn’t attempted anything like what Taichi was doing.

Of course I wanted to set the record straight about Iori... but her cold, distant behavior wasn’t exactly helping her case. If anything, it was like she wanted them to believe the rumors. We could vouch for her all we liked, but without her cooperation, our word meant next to nothing.

“There’s a reason for that.”

There is? I thought. Had Taichi finally figured out the issue?

“Oh yeah? Let’s hear it,” Setouchi scoffed.

“Okay... So... The truth is...”

Taichi paused, pursing his lips together, and the whole room could feel his tension. Instantly everyone was on edge. Whatever the real reason was, it must’ve been serious—

“I... I was in love with her!”

...WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM???

Everyone’s jaws dropped.

But Taichi kept going.

“So I made a move on her. Dozens of times... like... really aggressively... in a bad way.”

...What? When did that happen?

The room was dead silent.

“Full disclosure, I kind of... crossed a line. Like, way over the line. I went way, way too far.” He balled his hands into fists. “I... I did all kinds of horrible things you wouldn’t believe!”

The girls in the class had started to visibly recoil, while the guys just looked baffled that a milquetoast like Taichi would even be capable of such a thing.

“And after everything I did... I broke her spirit!”

Dear Diary: I always suspected this dude was mentally incompetent, but today my suspicions were confirmed. He’s braindead. Holy fucking shit. Why would you say that in front of the entire class?!

“My point is, Nagase’s bad attitude is all my fault. She’s done nothing wrong!”

[Except I made it all up!]

[No shit, genius!]

Weirdly enough, the two of us somehow managed to have a little Transmission exchange.

“Wait... So he...?”

“If so, then that means...”

“This is starting to sound really serious...”

Naturally, the class began to build into an uproar.

“Does that mean he ra—mmph?!”

“Don’t! Don’t finish that thought!”

Then the uproar grew to a frenzy, and by that point, even Taichi was starting to panic.

“W-Wait, wait, wait! Come on, guys! Obviously I didn’t rape her!”

“Hello? Dad? I think one of my classmates is a criminal. Could you send a squad over?”

I glanced over to find Fujishima apparently on the phone with her father, the local police chief.

“Wait, what? No, listen! I didn’t break any laws—Whoa, what’s the matter, Inaba?”

The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of him.

“Have you ever once considered the consequences of your actions, you GODDAMN DIPSHIT?!”

“GUH!”

As I screamed, I summoned all of my strength to ram my fist directly into his solar plexus, then physically dragged him from the room.

□■□■□

Fortunately, first period was study period, so I had no qualms in skipping class. Naturally, I’d decided to drag Taichi along with me whether he wanted to or not.

When the teacher came in before the start of class to take attendance, I explained that “my friend here has a stomachache” (which was technically true, heh) and that I would be taking him to the infirmary. Then I told the class that Taichi was delusional, to ignore everything he said, and that I would explain the actual situation later. (Fortunately I somehow managed to convince Fujishima not to have him arrested.)

“Inaba-san... ma’am... it’s really cold down here...”

“Quiet.”

There we were in the clubroom. I sat in a chair, looking down my nose at Taichi as he prostrated himself before me on the floor.

“Now then, let’s hear it. How the fuck do you explain your little stunt back there?” I asked, my voice shaking with barely suppressed fury. A moment of silence passed. “Uh, hello? Answer the question, damn it.”

“Huh? But you just told me to be quiet...”

“What are you, five? How stupid can you be?!”

“I just... Well, knowing you, I figured you’d make me wait it out while you launch into a huge long lecture...”

“I don’t know what kind of kinky BDSM shit you thought this was, but no.”

“...It’s not?”

“Why do you sound so disappointed?!”

Is that what you’re into?! Because that can be arranged! ...Gah! I’m getting distracted!

I sighed. “What were you trying to pull back there?”

“Uh, just to be clear, I was not disappointed. Just surprised.”

“Okay, I get it! Now explain yourself, for fuck’s sake!”

Don’t worry, pal. I’ve already determined that you’re a masochist. Which means I need to read up on how to be a sadist—

I cleared my throat to force my attention back to the matter at hand.

“Well... I wanted to put a stop to the rumors...”

“And the first part of your speech was pretty good, in my opinion. You know, ‘take it all with a grain of salt’ and all that. If anything, I messed up by not saying something along those lines myself. But the rest... That’s where we have a problem, you and I. Why the hell would you lie to them about something like that?”

“Well, I wanted to clear up the misunderstanding, but I knew Nagase probably isn’t going to change her behavior anytime soon...”

“Understandable.”

“So I figured if there was an external reason for her bizarre personality shift, the others would choose not to hold it against her...”

“That does make sense.”

“And it’s not like we can go around telling everyone about «Heartseed», so I needed to invent a different external reason along those same lines...”

“Perfectly sound logic thus far.”

“And the best thing I could come up with was that I sort of sexually harassed her into misanthropy.”

“How the fuck was that your best idea?! Why would you purposely throw yourself under the bus like that?!”

Seriously, his “heroics” back there have already nearly shredded his reputation! The fuck is wrong with this dude?

“I just couldn’t think of anything better, okay? My next best option was to say that something awful had happened to someone in her family, but then Nagase could just deny it and I’d look like a psychopath. But on the other hand, if I confessed to being a creep, then that’s not something she could outright deny as easily.”

Admittedly, I could see where he was coming from on this, but still.

“Use your brain, Taichi! You can’t go telling people you raped her! That shit would follow her around for life!”

“Okay, hold on! I never once tried to say I raped her! That wasn’t what I meant at all!”

“Of course it wasn’t. I know you better than that. But people are going to jump to conclusions!”

Taichi slumped his shoulders. “I just figured I needed to make it sound serious enough to be believable...” he muttered sadly.

Surely he must have regretted the damage he caused to his own image, and yet he cared far more about the damage he caused to everyone else. I understood that. At the same time, however...

This goddamn martyr shit pisses me off so fucking much... and I love him to death for it.

“Okay, but even if you weren’t trying to imply you raped her, you were still planning to implicate yourself as the villain in some sense, right? You just wanted to give them someone else to hate, is that it? How does that solve anything?”

If he tells me he “wanted to bear the burden of her pain in her place” or some shit like that, I’m gonna punch his goddamn lights out.

“...I get the feeling the rumors are contributing to her... current condition... just as much as the Sentiment Transmission. So I thought, maybe if we could solve one of them, she’d recover that much faster. Plus, this phenomenon hasn’t taken much of a toll on me personally, so I have the capacity to focus on someone else’s problems.”

...I GUESS that makes sense... but just barely! You win this time, Yaegashi Taichi!

“Besides, once everything’s over, I figured we could solve things by explaining the whole situation to them.”

Christ, this guy’s optimistic. I could never place that much confidence in other people.

“...I’ll help you set the record straight. I swear, just when I thought you’d finally gotten your act together, here you are causing trouble again...”

“I talked to Kiriyama, and she was telling me how I ‘used to be so confident,’ and... well, it made me think maybe confidence is key after all...”

That goddamn birdbrain... I’m gonna rip her a new asshole...

“B-But just so you know, she did nothing wrong, okay?”

“Hmm? I didn’t Transmit just now, did I?” Evidently my rage was showing on my face. Deep breaths. “Anyway, the point is, next time you come up with another one of these moronic schemes, fucking talk to me first, got it?! No, seriously, do you understand what I’m saying to you right now?!”

I can never be sure with this dumbass...

“Yes, ma’am...” he answered meekly, and it was clear he regretted his actions. Good. Guess I’ll let him off the hook this time.

“By the way...” I continued.

“What’s up?”

“How long do you intend to prostrate yourself on the floor, exactly? Isn’t it cold down there?”

“You never told me I could stop!”

He’s so submissive... I feel like I might develop a fetish for—Ahem! Let’s not go there!

□■□■□

“...So, in short, it was all a bunch of nonsense he cooked up in order to take the heat off of Iori,” I explained.

Beside me, Taichi bowed his head. “I’m sorry for lying and scaring everyone like that. Please forget everything I said.”

Our plan (or rather, my plan) was to go around and explain the situation to each of our classmates individually. Simple and straightforward.

“...Why’s she all moody and distant, then?” one of the two girls asked us.

“It wouldn’t be right for us to tell you,” I replied. “I know it sounds like an excuse, but please, trust me on this—she’s really not a bad person at heart. I promise, it’ll all make sense eventually.”

“If there’s anything I hope you can take away from this incident, it’s that Nagase’s worth inventing a crazy story for,” Taichi added.

At this, the girls exchanged a glance... and smiled.

“Yeah, that makes sense. I knew you weren’t that kind of guy, Yaegashi-kun.”

“I’m so glad it’s not true! Now we can still be friends!”

Sometimes the most efficient method wasn’t flashy or dramatic. Sometimes honesty really was the best policy.

“I’m still confused about what’s going on with Iori, but apparently there’s a reason for it, so okay. I guess we should just give her some space...?”

“I can tell you guys are serious about this. Besides, I’ve always known Iori’s a total sweetheart.”

I was relieved to discover just how understanding they were. After our conversation ended, they headed back into the classroom... and with that, we had officially spoken to every last student in our class, save for Setouchi and Iori herself. That was the reason we’d decided to single each classmate out individually—we didn’t want either of them catching wind of what we were up to. It was a long and laborious process, to be sure, but fortunately we managed to get through them all before the end of the school day.

Following Taichi’s stupid “confession” as well as our joint effort to have a heart-to-heart conversation with each member of the class, the general attitude toward Iori had shifted considerably. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but... I got the feeling we could have saved ourselves some time by doing the “heart-to-heart” thing right from the get-go. It was so... easy. Why didn’t I think to try that first?

Of course, deep down, I knew the answer. I hadn’t attempted it because taking the initiative took courage. It was relatively painless once we took that first step, of course... but just imagining the possible risks involved made me hesitate. And for a negative-Nancy like myself, picturing the worst-case scenario—in this case, the possibility of turning the entire class against me—made it that much harder.

But Taichi? He had the courage.

The downside, of course, was that he used this courage of his to barrel forward without any careful calculation whatsoever, but I digress.

“We should’ve just talked to them one-on-one from the start,” Taichi mused. Evidently the two of us were on the same page.

“Just talk to me next time alright?”

“Yeah, I know...” He sighed. “I really can’t handle a single thing on my own, can I? Without your help, I’d be in a world of trouble right now.” From the way he was acting right now, you’d have never guessed that he’d given an impassioned (and self-incriminating) speech just hours prior.

“But you took the initiative, and in so doing, you gave me the courage to take action myself. We both needed each other—”

All at once, it hit me. With his courage and my careful calculations, we each made up for what the other lacked. Together, the two of us made the perfect team. With his help, I could accomplish so much more... For once, I felt like I finally understood the power of human connections.

“I see you two have been getting rather cozy lately.”

“Huh?!”

“Whuh?!”

Startled by the sudden voice behind us, we whipped around to find Fujishima Maiko, president of Class 1-C.

“Nice work out there today. You did well,” she continued, adjusting her glasses. “With you two in charge, it seems I needn’t have worried.”

“Actually, now that I think about it,” I began, “you knew the class was getting more and more hostile towards Iori. Normally you’re the type to nip this shit in the bud. So why didn’t you do anything about it?” It was something I’d been wondering for quite some time now.

“Well, I thought about it... but it didn’t feel right to stick my nose in quite that far. So I decided the best thing I could do as your president would be to wait for everyone to mature out of it.”

“What are you, our mom?” Taichi retorted under his breath.

“Going forward, my task will be to guide each of you toward your own personal growth without inadvertently taking those opportunities away from you.”

“How do you know what’s best for our personal growth?” I shot back.

“That said, I didn’t think it would escalate quite this far. I know I’m late in asking, but do you still need my help?”

Taichi glanced at me, and after a moment of hesitation, I replied, “No thanks.”

[When we put our heads together, Taichi and I are unstoppable.]

“Realistically speaking, I’m pretty sure there’s a limit to what we can achieve,” he muttered, and I summarily kicked him in the shin. Don’t be such a wet blanket, goddamn it!

Taichi and I walked side by side across the athletic field. With club activities canceled during finals week, the place was deserted.

“That reminds me,” I spoke suddenly as a certain memory crossed my mind. “A while back, you told us you can’t stand other people’s suffering. So how are you holding up, now that you can literally feel our pain?”

“It’s easier, actually. This way I know exactly how bad it hurts, so my imagination doesn’t need to try to fill in the gaps. If anything, it keeps me from being a so-called ‘goddamn martyr’.”

In that case, maybe the Sentiment Transmission was actually beneficial for him.

“Alright, that’s good to hear. But just so you know, you’re still a goddamn martyr. That part hasn’t gone anywhere, my friend.”

He’s still recovering from helper-itis! Don’t you dare make him fall off the wagon, «Heartseed», you son of a bitch!

“I swear, you need someone like me around to keep you out of trouble,” I continued.

He laughed. “Yeah, maybe so. Maybe I should officially hire you.”

“Y-Yeah...”

After a pause, I felt my face flush bright red. The more I thought about it, the more conscious I became of the romantic implications of this little exchange. I swear, I didn’t mean it like that!

Then something occurred to me. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding, or my brain conveniently interpreting his actions in a favorable light, but... was it possible Taichi needed me as much as I needed him? Because I kind of got the sense that he did...

I mean, I was completely in love with him, but he’d technically already chosen Iori over me, so I’d been agonizing over whether to give up or what... but what if our union is objectively a good thing? What if our partnership not only fulfills my needs, but his as well?

[What’s it like to really fall in love with someone? To be in a relationship?]

“Whawhawha?!”

Taichi’s sudden Transmission made me stammer in surprise, causing everyone in our vicinity to give me weird looks. Awkward.

“Oh, uh, I was just—you know—thinking about stuff!” Taichi hastily explained.

My heart was thumping uncontrollably in my chest—racing much faster than usual. Could it be that... I received Taichi’s own flustered emotions along with his Transmission? Everything was so jumbled up, I couldn’t tell where my feelings ended and his began.

[Nagase pretty much flat-out told me she doesn’t need me, but what about Inaba?]

“Huuuh?!” This time I let out an inelegant yelp, and the weird looks intensified. Kill me now.

“Nngh... Not again! Is the Sentiment Transmission more active during this time of day or something?!”

“N-Not sure... Maybe... Haha...” I replied, doing my best to act natural. Then I realized I ought to answer the question he Transmitted. “But just so you know... I do need you.” The words left my lips in a small, soft, almost timid voice.

“Huh...? Oh, right... Thanks.” Blushing, Taichi averted his gaze shyly.

...Did I just make a total idiot of myself?

But just so you know... I do need you.

I said it... I totally said it...

Aaagh, I’m gonna die!

My cheeks were so red, they were practically on fire. It was probably extremely obvious, too. God, how mortifying. I shrank down, trying to bury my face into my scarf, but couldn’t get very far. Noooo!

I was so embarrassed, in fact, it felt like all my other emotions had gone numb, and I was starting to think maybe a little more couldn’t hurt.

I could feel my rational side telling me to turn back, but I ignored her. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna ask him!

I grabbed my scarf and yanked it up to unmuffle my mouth.

“What about you? Do you... need me?”

The whole world went silent.

I couldn’t even hear my own heartbeat.

What an insane question to ask someone. Maybe not by the average person’s standards, but it was to me.

A question like “Do you need me?” was perhaps even more intense than “Do you like me?” What if he said no? What would I do then?

“...Of course I need you.”

Instantly, I forgot to breathe. My mind went blank. Then, finally, I managed to process what he said.

Look at me, all giddy and shit. I’m such a dumbass.

□■□■□

Once we finally came to our senses, the two of us promptly went our separate ways as we headed home for the day.

Taichi had told me his Transmissions had been delivered to Yui and Aoki, but not Iori. Thank god.

Who was Nagase Iori, anyway?

She was a fellow classmate who served as the president of my club. She was my closest friend—the person I’d spent the most time with since enrolling in high school.

I thought I knew her better than anyone... but apparently that was just a delusion of my own making. And I need to accept that, in the actual sense of the word. Accept it as fact. Then, after I accept it, I need to figure out my next steps.

If I had been this committed right from the start, maybe I wouldn’t have given up halfway through talking to her. Maybe she wouldn’t have pushed me away. Maybe I wouldn’t have hurt her.

God, I’m pathetic.

Watching Taichi’s antics today helped me remember something important—something I really shouldn’t have forgotten, considering how often it’s saved my bacon in the past.

Either I was extremely fucking braindead, or... maybe I just hadn’t taken it seriously until now. Good grief. How could I have asked her to tell me everything when I had no intention of doing the same in kind? If I wanted her to be that vulnerable and transparent with me, then I should’ve set the stage by bringing down my own walls. It was so goddamn obvious.

Right now, I feel like I could do anything. I’m surging with confidence. Is this the same “helper-itis” I always nagged Taichi about? Maybe. But I don’t care. After receiving some much-needed validation from the guy I loved, I’m feeling more powerful than ever. A girl could get used to this!

Who am I? I’m Inaba Himeko. No matter how the cards are stacked against me, I never give up. I never admit defeat. Arrogant, patronizing, manipulative, and fully committed—that’s just how I roll.

A good friend once said these words to me when I was at my lowest, and I’d never forgotten them.

How could I be such a baby? Did I seriously believe that everything she said back then was just a crock of shit? No way in hell.

So, I’m going to be exactly the sort of Inaba Himeko she said I was. I’m going to choose to believe in her.

I’ve been spending too much time in Girly Heartsick Mode lately, but now it’s time to get back to business.

It’s thanks to her that I’m standing here today. No matter what happens, Nagase Iori will always be my friend. Now, when should I put my plan into action? Let’s see... Maybe this Friday, after finals are over... Please don’t let me Transmit until then... Wait, what am I thinking?

“Don’t you dare Transmit any of this, «Heartseed». Trust me, it’ll be more entertaining for you this way. What do you say?” I said aloud to no one in particular, a wicked grin on my face... because I knew it was out there watching me.

+ + +

“Setouchi-san is asking for you,” one of my classmates, Nakayama Mariko, tells me.

“Okay,” I reply as I get to my feet, push my chair in, and step away from my desk.

Near the classroom door, I see Setouchi Kaoru standing with two girls from another class. Girls with equally notorious reputations. Her buddies, I presume.

“You okay?” Nakayama asks. She sounds worried.

“I’m fine.”

“Hey, um... Iori?” Her tone grows fearful. “I understand why Setouchi-san would make you angry, but... do you really have to take it out on the rest of us, too?”

Good question.

I know I shouldn’t act like this, but I just can’t do it like I did before.

“This is the normal me.”

Normal. Right. Maybe to me. But to them, nothing about me is normal.

“Inaba-san and Yaegashi-kun told me you’ve got something personal going on... so I figured you’ve got your reasons...”

“Right.” I glance away from her and start walking.

“...I just don’t understand you right now.”

Trust me, I don’t understand me either.

“Feeling sorry yet?” Setouchi sneers.

The darkness takes over.

You think you’re so tough, but you can’t even talk to me without your little friends standing by to protect you.

“I have nothing to be sorry for.”

All I did was turn down a love confession from a guy she likes. I’m an innocent bystander. If I could just stop and point this out to her, I’m sure we could solve this... and yet I keep running my mouth.

Meanwhile, Setouchi seems to have taken this all very personally.

“You’re so fucking full of yourself!” she hisses. “I can’t believe you had Yaegashi make up some sob story about you. You probably just used your good looks to trick him into it, didn’t you?”

“...What are you talking about?”

Come to think of it, Nakayama mentioned him, too. Why would they bother? I’m not worth it. I’ll never live up to their expectations.

“Hah!” Setouchi scoffs. “Gonna play innocent, is that it? Fine, whatever. Did you decide to drop your good-girl act now that everyone’s seen your true colors?”

The other girls sneer at me from behind her, and my blood boils. I decide to throw it back in her face.

“It doesn’t matter. What’s your ultimate goal here? What is it you want to achieve?” I ask, with the implication that she’s wasting her time, because she is.

At my question, Setouchi’s arrogant smirk vanishes, though the other two don’t react.

“...Why should I tell you?” she responds.

I knew it. She knows there’s no point in this.

“Anyway, I heard your little club... Culture Research whatever... is fighting with the jazz band over who gets to keep your club advisor. The best club presentation wins, right?”

Oh, right. That. I’d forgotten about that. Some club president I turned out to be.

No, forget it. Save the self-loathing for later.

“What about it?”

“Let them win.”

Oh, so that’s what you’re after.

“Your club’s just a joke anyway, right? Digging up dirt on our teachers’ love lives... You call that journalism?”

She’s talking about Inaba’s article from back during the Culture Festival.

“At least the jazz band actually tries. How can you losers possibly deserve to win more than they do?”

“Why do you care? You’re not even in the jazz band.”

“Shut up.”

“Is it because it’s Shiroyama-kun’s club? Is that why?”

“Shut up!”

I’m pushing her too far. I could’ve handled this differently... What’s wrong with me?

Her face flushes red. “The point is, I’m telling you not to get in their way.”

She sounds like a total amateur. Has she ever actually threatened anyone in her life? She doesn’t scare me in the least.

“You should tell that to the people who are actually working on it. I’m not part of it.”

“So take them down from the inside.”

“What would I stand to gain from this?”

“Uh, hello? Do you realize the position you’re in?”

“No?”

“You little twat...!”

Actually...

[...I think I’ve got Setouchi Kaoru all figured out... Maybe my powers of analysis are still worth something.]

Whoops. I inadvertently Transmitted that pointless Sentiment to Yui and Aoki.

But interrupting that thought, one of the other girls speaks up. “Y’know, I’m really getting sick of this bitch. Don’t you think maybe we ought to put her in her place? Like, for real.” She shoots me a wicked grin.

“Totally,” the other girl agrees.

One of them starts whispering to Setouchi.

“Like, what if we had...”

“What...? That’s crossing a line...” Setouchi replies, sounding hesitant.

Yep. I knew it.

“Don’t worry. As long as we tell them we’ll...”

“...R-Right. That could work...” Setouchi turns to me. “You brought this on yourself, you hear me?” With a sinister smirk, she turns and walks off, her posse in tow.

“What are they planning...?” I mutter to myself once she’s gone. My legs start to shake. I’ve got a bad feeling I know where this is headed, and I’m scared.

What am I doing? I keep enabling this harassment. What if it gets worse? What if no one trusts me anymore? I guess it’ll look like I brought it on myself.

She mentioned the CRC. What if she tries to mess with the others? I need to warn them about her. I need to go to the clubroom.

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just make up my mind?

I hate this. I hate this! All of it!

Maybe it was better before... I’m not sure.

I just can’t deal with it anymore.