Chapter 7: Yaegashi Taichi’s Epiphany

On Friday, after testing concluded that morning, Taichi and Inaba were headed straight to Rec Hall Room 401.

Before they left the classroom, they asked Nagase to come to the clubroom, seeing as they were going to need her to take part in the club presentation. In response, she gave the world’s smallest nod.

They could’ve dragged her bodily from the room, of course, but they wanted to respect her free will.

Presentations would be held the next week, and the fate of the Cultural Research Club hinged on their success. The presentation map was ready. The brochures were ready. All that was left was to rehearse their individual portions of the speech.

Supposedly there’d be more than two classes’ worth of people watching these things, so they needed to memorize as much as possible in order to make sure they could still perform even under pressure. At first Taichi had dreaded the arrival of presentations week, but now he was starting to look forward to it. He was excited to see what everyone would think of all their hard work.

He thought back to his middle school days—all those months of practice leading up to the tournament, the unique blend of anxiety and excitement when the big day arrived... It was something he never thought he’d experience in the CRC. The thought made his pace quicken all the more.

The students had been barred from club activities during finals week, so he hadn’t seen their map in days. He was practically chomping at the bit, eager to go take a look at it.

[Can’t wait to see our little baby... Ooh, I should take a picture of it...]

“Ack!”

Just like that, his passionate Sentiment was Transmitted to everyone else in the club.

“Taichi, listen... We’re all proud of our work, myself included, but you really need to dial it back a notch.”

Great. Now Inaba thinks I’m a creep.

They arrived on the fourth floor to find that Kiriyama and Aoki had beat them there. The door was open, but for some reason, neither of them had gone inside; instead, they were just standing there in shock.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Inaba asked.

Still rooted to the spot, Kiriyama slowly turned her head—tears streaming down her cheeks. “Inaba... Taichi... What do we do...?”

“Kiriyama?!”

As Taichi raced over, Aoki shifted to look at him, his complexion ghostly pale. Then he raised a shaking hand and pointed into the room.

“What is it?” Taichi asked dubiously as he peered inside.

There, he found only wreckage.

Tables overturned, chairs scattered around... No, that was the least of it. Not like they were broken—merely knocked over. The real damage, however, lay in the tiny scraps of paper lying scattered all over the room. Their giant life-sized guide map had been torn to shreds.

“...Why...?”

Taichi staggered into the room, knelt down, and began to gather the scraps of paper into a pile. Their lovingly-crafted map was now nigh-indistinguishable from confetti.

“I... I put my whole heart into this drawing...” Trembling, Kiriyama picked up a fragment of what used to be a cute little doodle.

But she wasn’t the only one. Each scrap held a tiny portion of someone’s hard work. He could faintly recognize bits from Aoki’s, Inaba’s, and his own section. And although Nagase’s workload had been drastically less than the rest, he could recognize hers, too.

This map was, at one point, a product of the entire club’s effort. They’d each put so much into it. And while they could always create a functional duplicate, it would never carry the same weight. That sentimental value was irrevocably lost.

“All that time we spent...”

He felt sick to his stomach. He knew there would be no repairing it.

“Who could’ve...? I mean, the door was locked when we got here... and the key was in the staff room when we went to go and get it...” Aoki mumbled lifelessly.

“They don’t keep a close eye on who takes the keys. Anyone could’ve borrowed it,” Inaba replied, but before Taichi could reflect on how remarkably composed she sounded for someone who looked like they were ready to commit murder, she turned and punched the wall. “If I find out who did this, I swear to god...!”

“Getting mad about it won’t change anything,” Taichi muttered. For him, despair had won out over anger.

“How can you look at this shit and tell me not to get mad?! Who the fuck did this?! Was it the jazz band?!”

“No... They’ve been working their butts off to try to win. I don’t think they would do something this underhanded...”

That said, he couldn’t think of anyone else who would stand to benefit from doing this. Had they inadvertently pissed off the wrong person without realizing? Or did the culprit merely do it on a whim?

It pained him to think of how much work they’d put in the past few weeks.

“Is there nothing we can do...? It’s just... gone...?” Kiriyama whispered, wiping her tear-stained cheeks with her sleeve.

The room fell silent. None of them said a word. None of them could stand up against the hopelessness.

If only Nagase were here, Taichi thought to himself. She was always a bit of a wildcard, of course, but regardless, she used to light up the room wherever she went. So what would she do in a situation like this?

Then, before he knew it, his mouth was moving—

“Let’s remake it.”

He couldn’t believe what he was saying. Even for a bluff, it was ballsy.

“But... presentations start next week... We’ll never finish in time...” Kiriyama replied weakly.

“I don’t think I got the motivation to start over,” Aoki muttered.

“It might not be possible to make the exact same map—” Taichi began.

“But if we simplify the design, we could have it done pretty fast,” Inaba cut in. Smirking, she playfully prodded Taichi in the chest, and instantly he found himself wishing the Transmission would strike them right then and there. Not that they really needed «Heartseed»’s help to get their feelings across, but still.

“What...? But if we simplify it, we’ll have literally no chance of beating the jazz band...” Kiriyama hesitated.

But Inaba didn’t flinch. “Yeah, we might have a real struggle on our hands—”

“But there’s still a chance,” Taichi cut in, mirroring her own interruption moments earlier.

She chuckled, then continued, “When you think about it, all we’ve really lost is a big poster. A prop! All we need to do is refocus our efforts into ironing out our performance.”

Together, the two of them were slowly but surely steering the CRC back towards the light.

And then Aoki clutched his hair and began to groan. For a second, Taichi worried perhaps he wasn’t feeling well—

“You’re right! Screw this pity party! We just gotta move forward!” he shouted, then added belatedly in a small voice, “I really need to take a leaf out of your book... Seems hard, though...”

Next, Kiriyama began to whimper into her hands. Had Aoki rubbed off on her?

“Nnnn... God, why am I acting like such a baby?! Wake up!” she screamed. “This is no time for crying! Even though it’s a perfectly valid reason and also, like, I already did cry about it! Battle mode, activate!” She crossed her arms in front of herself, then brought her fists back down to her sides. “You’re right—we do need to polish our performance. But if we use that as an excuse to slap together a lazy replacement map, aren’t we basically just giving up at that point?” She grinned. “I’ll work on it all night if I have to, but by god, I’m gonna make our new map super adorable! Viva la bonita!”

Battle mode, indeed.

“You rock, Yui! You’re hella badass!” Aoki shouted enthusiastically.

“You’re supposed to say I’m hella cute!”

Moments ago their spirits were in tatters, but in just a few short minutes they’d already completely recovered—at least on the outside. They knew they each needed to put up a tough front to help the others pull through.

The Cultural Research Club had grown stronger. That much was undeniable. And Taichi felt confident they could take on any obstacle life threw at them.

“Alright, guys. Let’s forget about trying to figure out who did it and just focus on the task at hand,” he told them.

“Oh, I’ll forget about it... for now. But once presentations are over? I don’t care if I have to go to the ends of the fucking earth... I’m gonna track down those motherless bitches and make them pay!”

“Inaba... maybe cool it with the supervillain routine, would you?”

“Well, we do kinda need to figure out who it is. Otherwise they might keep messing with us,” Kiriyama remarked.

“That’s my Yui! She’s so smart! And bada—I mean, cute!” Aoki corrected himself.

“On second thought, make that cute and badass!” Kiriyama smirked.

“Hmm... I think we can prevent any further damage by keeping our presentation materials at home rather than in the clubroom,” Inaba mused.

The CRC was now moving forward, step by step. Filled with motivation, Taichi glanced around the room. First they needed to clean up all the paper scraps, then fix the tables and chairs—

Just then, his train of thought was interrupted by a tiny creak as the clubroom door slowly opened and Nagase Iori shyly peeked in, her ponytail bouncing.

She froze in place.

For a moment, she seemed to struggle to process what she was seeing. Then her eyes widened, and the color drained from her face.

She looked around at the upturned tables, the scattered chairs, and the confetti-like shreds of paper everywhere, taking it all in.

Then she disappeared and shut the door behind her without ever taking a single step inside.

[They’re dead. “Sorry” won’t cut it—I’ll never forgive them for dragging innocent people into this!]

It was a Transmission from Nagase... and the emotions that came with it were one big steaming fumarole of hatred and fury that set Taichi’s chest on fire.

[I’ll make you pay for this, Setouchi Kaoru! Get ready to beg for your fucking life!]

His vision blurred crimson as all the blood rushed to his head. It felt like he was engulfed in dark flame, steadily pulling him under, and it made him queasy. Shaking his head, he forced himself to snap out of it—and found that he was sweating.

It was the most powerful Sentiment he’d felt yet.

Instinctively, he knew something bad was about to happen. Judging from the fury he felt, she wasn’t in the right state of mind to act rationally... and this volcano was about to blow its top.

“Don’t do it, Iori!” Inaba shouted in the direction of the door, though Nagase herself was long gone.

“Inaba, did you get her Transmission just now?”

“You too, huh?”

Taichi nodded.

“Uh, guys? What’s goin’ on?” Aoki asked.

“Just when we finally got her to come to the clubroom... and this was the first thing she saw...” Kiriyama murmured.

From the way they were acting, it seemed like they hadn’t heard Nagase’s Transmissions.

“Did you feel that anger?” Taichi asked Inaba.

“I did. This is serious business, Taichi. Worse comes to worst, someone could get hurt.”

“Should we go after her?”

“Definitely. Yui, Aoki, you two clean up the clubroom without us. Let’s go, Taichi!”

And with that, they bolted from the room.

“Why didn’t you invite Kiriyama and Aoki to come with us?” Taichi asked as they headed down the stairs.

“I figured Iori would prefer we keep it to ourselves.”

Those Transmissions hadn’t been pretty, that was for sure. She probably wouldn’t want others knowing she’d had those thoughts to begin with. After all, they were entirely unlike her.

“She’s too worked up to make rational decisions, so she’s probably just running around in a frenzy. In that case, all we have to do is beat her to the punch.” With that, Inaba took out her cell phone. “Hey, Fujishima? Sorry to spring this on you, but would you happen to have Setouchi Kaoru’s phone number?”

Of course. They knew who Nagase was looking for, so all they had to do was find her first.

“Great... Thanks. I’ll make it up to you later.” Inaba closed her phone. “She said she’s going to send me her number. I gotta say, though, I’m surprised she didn’t ask for anything in return, not even a rundown of what’s going on... I guess she could tell it’s an emergency.”

Fujishima Maiko was a master of many things, including but not limited to taking a hint.

“But still... why Setouchi Kaoru?” Taichi mused to himself.

For reasons Taichi didn’t comprehend, Setouchi was currently the ringleader behind the nasty rumors floating around. Maybe she had a personal grudge against Nagase for some reason. But what would make Nagase so convinced she was the one behind the vandalism in the clubroom?

Then Inaba’s phone buzzed again, and she flipped it open. “Got it.”

Without wasting a single moment, she promptly placed a call.

Fortunately, Setouchi was still on campus, and so a meetup was quickly arranged.

“Wh-What do you people want with me all of a sudden? And why are we out behind the school?” Setouchi demanded, running her fingers through her long bleached hair.

“You may or may not be in danger, but don’t worry. If she shows up, we’ll stop her,” Inaba explained.

“Wh-Who are you even talking about?” Setouchi asked, fidgeting nervously in such a way that Taichi got the sense she already knew the answer.

“I’m talking,” Inaba paused, “about Nagase Iori.”

Setouchi flinched, fear written all over her face. Was she really the culprit behind the destruction in the clubroom? Taichi felt a spark of fury flare up, but quickly suppressed it. After all, they had no way of knowing for sure just yet.

“I... I’m innocent. I don’t know anything,” Setouchi blurted out, though they hadn’t asked her any questions. Definitely not suspicious.

Taichi glanced over to find Inaba glaring daggers at her.

“Well, whatever,” Inaba continued. “Let’s take this back to the classroom. I want to ask you—”

Suddenly, Taichi spotted her.

Nagase Iori, gasping for breath.

How had she found them so fast? No, that wasn’t important right now.

Even from a distance, it was plain to see that she was shaking with unbridled rage like an animal gone mad—not a trace of her usual self to be seen. It was so dramatically unlike the pretty, popular Nagase Iori they knew that it single-handedly shattered the image Taichi had built up of her.

Then she charged forward.

“YOU’RE DEAD!”

She moved at the speed of light, her fist raised in an attack.

“Wh... aaahh...?!” Setouchi shrieked, frozen in fear.

They needed to take action.

Taichi and Inaba moved in tandem.

“Don’t do it, Nagase!”

“Slow down, Iori!”

Together, they blocked her path. She struggled to slip past them, but Taichi grabbed one arm and Inaba grabbed the other.

“Chill out, would you?!”

“Let me go! I’m going to make her pay! She’s dead!” screamed Nagase.

“Setouchi! Get out of here! Now!” Inaba shouted.

Finally, Setouchi snapped to her senses. “R-Right!” She took off running.

“COME BACK HERE, SETOUCHI!” Nagase roared after her, flailing desperately to escape their grasp. “Why are you stopping me?! Let me go! Let me... Let me go...” Her voice grew weak. “Let me go... Let... I’m so sorry...” She crumpled to the ground and began to sob. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry... It’s all my fault! I should’ve... God, I’m so sorry... Why... Why did this happen...? Because of me... All because of me—!”

But then Nagase fell silent, wiping her tears away with her sleeves. But just an instant later, her expression went blank like a canvas... almost as though her very soul had left her body.

Taichi relinquished his grip on her arm, and it fell limply to her side.

Back when the Sentiment Transmission phenomenon first started, they had decided as a group that they were strong enough to endure it and carry on as normal. A few days later, Taichi had asked Nagase out, only to be turned down.

As the Sentiment Transmission continued to broadcast their various emotions, nasty rumors began to spread regarding Nagase, and their classmates gradually turned against her. Meanwhile, Nagase herself started behaving strangely. She rejected help from her friends and instead chose a life of isolation.

Their classmates had since adopted a more forgiving attitude towards her, but nevertheless, she continued to be hostile. Then their clubroom was vandalized—and now here she was, sitting on the ground in emotionless silence.

The air between them was so quiet, it was hard to imagine Nagase had been howling her head off just moments prior.

Taichi wasn’t sure what to say. He couldn’t find the right words.

But Inaba beat him to it. “Hey, Iori?” she asked, her voice soft and full of compassion. “Why don’t we talk this out?” There she paused, and an impish grin crept up on her face. “By which I mean, I’m not taking no for an answer.”

□■□■□

“Eh... I guess you can stick around for the first part of it.”

That was how Taichi was granted permission to tag along with Inaba and Nagase as they headed back into the school building. First, they stopped by the staff room, where Inaba sweet-talked Gotou into letting her borrow a key to an empty classroom. From there, their next destination was obvious.

Once they were inside, Inaba locked the door behind them.

“First you take us to an empty classroom, and now you lock it?”

“Yeah, I don’t know... I figured I’d turn it into a locked-room battle royale.”

“...You’re not actually going to fight her, are you...?”

It sounded like the sort of thing you’d see in a pro wrestling show. Maybe with the headline “No Escape!” to really spice things up.

Here in this unused classroom, all the desks had been pushed against the far wall. Inaba and Nagase stood face-to-face in the open space near the doors, while Taichi was positioned off to the side.

Inaba glared with her posture perfectly straight and her arms folded, looking as arrogant as ever. Meanwhile, Nagase hung her head, staring down at the floor.

Naturally, Inaba made the first move.

“A while back, I told you that ‘the Transmission doesn’t give us the whole picture, just bits and pieces,’ and I asked you to tell me everything.”

Evidently Inaba had, at some point, attempted to help Nagase in her own way.

“But looking back, that was stupid of me. How could I ask you to reveal all your innermost thoughts... for nothing in return?”

As Inaba spoke, Nagase listened quietly, her face as blank as ever.

“Pretty one-sided, wasn’t it? Not like I offered to reciprocate. Hardly seems fair of me.”

Nagase flinched.

“So let’s make it fair. If I’m going to ask you to expose your scars, then I’d better pay for it in kind.”

...For some reason, Taichi got a strange sense of déjà vu.

“As it stands, the Sentiment Transmission is broadcasting all the things we don’t want anyone else knowing. But that doesn’t mean it gives us the whole picture. You’re aware of this, of course.”

What is she plotting now? Taichi wondered.

“So... I’m going to make an extremely cringeworthy confession.”

Oh god.

“I’m going to utterly humiliate myself, alright? So in return, I want you to suck it up and tell me why you’ve pulled away from everyone.”

You spill yours, I spill mine. Just like that time during the body-swap—

“Hold on a minute! Inaba! Isn’t this the same thing I did with you?!” He’d meant to stay out of it, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Yeah, so? Got a problem with that?”

“You bet I do! What sense does this make?! I don’t understand your logic!”

And it was my idea first, so don’t copy me!

“Sense? Logic? It was originally your brain-shit, shit-for-brains! Figure it out yourself! Seriously, get a fucking clue, dumbass!”

“Is that your solution to criticism?! Getting pissed off at me for no reason?!”

“Damn right!”

“So you admit it?!”

“Look here, dipshit, I’m talking to her right now, not you! If you’re just going to whine about it, then get out!”

Taichi fell silent. He didn’t want to derail the whole conversation.

“...Anyway, where were we? Right. Okay, time to embarrass myself.”

Apparently she was still dead-set on this tactic.

“It’s pretty risky to have this conversation while the Sentiment Transmission is active, you know. And the guy I like is standing right here. This is grade-A humiliation material, if I do say so myself.”

So that’s why she brought me along, Taichi realized. You know, from an outside perspective—

“This is really stupid, isn’t it...”

“You’re the one who came up with this in the first place! You looked me in the eye and told me you think about the girls you know when you j—”

“Stop, stop, STOP! Don’t just casually toss that out there!”

He could feel himself begin to sweat. Talk about a close shave with social suicide (or murder, in this case).

“Next time you interrupt me, I’m gonna throw your ass out.”

“Then don’t make any weird comments! I thought the point was to embarrass you, not me!”

“Cram it, dickwad! I think I know what my point is, thank you very much!”

Taichi had half a mind to keep arguing, but when he thought of how long Nagase would be forced to stand there waiting for them to finish, he reluctantly gave in.

“Now then, let’s begin.” Inaba let out a sinister chuckle. “As you know, I’m in love with Taichi.”

Oh god, here we go.

“These days, my feelings have grown so strong that he shows up in my dreams.”

Nagase didn’t react—just stood there quietly.

“Then, the other day, it finally happened. I had a sex dream about him. Or rather... we were going to have sex, but then I woke up right before he put it in.”

Taichi felt his face growing practically incandescent. Wasn’t the point to embarrass YOU?! Are you doing this just to get back at me?!

“When I woke up, my heart was thumping like crazy, and my chest felt so tight... but at the same time there was this desperate longing...”

All of a sudden, Taichi had a bad feeling he knew where this was going.

“I wanted him so bad... I can’t even describe it... I was just so frustrated... so then I began to fantasize about him while I—”

“Stop! Don’t finish that thought! What kind of pervert are you?!”

“Oh, but you were fine having this conversation when it was you, huh?!”

“I... I never... I mean, maybe... Okay, technically I might’ve done something along those lines...”

Have some shame! Taichi thought to himself—

[Fuck... Somebody kill me... I’m gonna cry...]

It was a Transmission from Inaba. As her emotions sank in, he was reminded anew: though she loved to act tough, on the inside she was a shy, anxious girl—

[No... I won’t let myself cry. Thank you, Taichi... for stopping me at the last minute.]

—who carried the strength to overcome her faults.

Had Nagase received these Transmissions? Taichi had no way of knowing. Still, he had a feeling she’d pick up on it regardless.

Inaba stomped her foot in triumph.

“How do you like them apples, huh?! The execution could’ve been better, but ultimately it’s still pretty mortifying, don’t you think?! Not only that, but I said it in front of you and Taichi, all the while knowing it might hurt either of you. I really dropped a bomb, didn’t I?! Now you can do the same! Or if you want me to keep going, I can do that, too!”

Leave it to Inaba to take his idea and put her own new and improved spin on it.

“But wait, there’s more!”

Oh god, there’s more?

“You were completely right about me. First I tried to get you and Taichi together, only to turn around and fall for him myself, and I let you convince me what I did was okay.”

A lot must have happened between them. Inaba had filled him in on some of it—that she used to think of herself as human trash until Nagase accepted her—but evidently there was far more to the story.

“So when you threw it all in my face... frankly, I was at a loss. I tried to figure out what to do about it, but as it turns out... ultimately, there’s nothing I can do.”

Inaba had given up looking for a one-size-fits-all solution.

“Before now... back when I was all about logic and reason and shit, I never would’ve let myself give up, you know? But now here I am! Who needs facts and objectivity?! I... I...”

There, for the first time, Inaba’s emphatic tirade began to lose steam.

In the past, Inaba always hated her aloof, pessimistic, fretful self.

But now things were different.

“I may not love myself as much as I should...” she began, hiding behind another one of her self-deprecating disclaimers. Then she looked Nagase straight in the eyes. “But now I have the confidence to be myself!”

It was something the old Inaba Himeko never would have admitted.

“I know I’m a fickle bitch, but what of it? Nothing I can do about it! Am I full of myself? Probably! But so what?”

Inaba Himeko had chosen to own her faults.

“You’re welcome to complain all you like. Hit me with your best shot. Fair warning, though: I’m pretty fragile, so I’ll probably take it personally.”

She had chosen to stand her ground.

“But all I have to do is pick myself right back up again!”

Stand her ground and fight.

“I’m gonna give myself permission to be me, and likewise, you should do the same! It’s goddamn excruciating to watch you bottle it all up! I’m forcing this shit on you, so just force your shit on me right back!” Inaba paused, took a deep breath, then screamed, “We’re doing this my way, and that’s final!”

Something in her speech seemed to have an effect on Nagase. Clutching the hem of her skirt with both hands, she pursed her lips tightly together and began to tremble.

“...really don’t have...” Nagase mumbled inaudibly, and it occurred to Taichi it was the first thing she’d said since they got here. He turned his ear toward her.

“Hmm?” Inaba followed suit.

“We really don’t have to do this...” Nagase repeated in a flat, emotionless voice.

“Do what?” Inaba asked.

“This! ANY OF THIS!” Nagase screamed, gesturing around at the room. “Just stop! What is wrong with you people?! Seriously, you’re just... just so...”

With every breath she shrank further and further into herself, almost like she was storing energy for an explosion. Then she straightened back up, took a deep breath, and roared—

“...so STUPID!”

The magnitude of her voice practically shook the school building itself. Fortunately this floor consisted mostly of empty classrooms, but still... What if someone on the ground floor heard them?

Meanwhile, Taichi was completely blown away. “Wh-What’s the matter with you, Nagase?” he stammered.

She shot him a baleful smirk. “Golly gee, how touching! What a humiliating little confession! Is that it?” She stared him in the eyes for a moment, then smiled. “Yeah, I get it. All I have to do is break down crying and confess ‘the truth’ and then we get our poignant little happy ending, don’t we? Too bad, so sad! I’m not going to follow your little script. You know why? Because this isn’t a fucking movie!” She scoffed, and he could tell she was furious. “I’m so sick and tired of the same crap over and over and over! Don’t you people ever get bored of it?!”

“Look, Nagase... Don’t you realize how much courage it took for her to say all that out loud?”

Of all the things he was willing to let slide in the name of helping Nagase, belittling Inaba wasn’t one of them.

“Wh-Why should I care?! I never asked her to do that...!” Her expression crumpled, and her defensive posture deflated. Then, as if to keep herself going, she clutched at her hair with one hand. “I don’t care! I just... I can’t keep playing the tragic heroine, okay?! It’s just not realistic! This is supposed to be real life! What happened to that?!”

Their world ought to have been perfectly ordinary, and yet their lives were far from it.

“How many times do I have to put myself on display?! How many times do I have to fall apart?! When does it end?! When does «Heartseed» go away?! What even is that monster?! Why is it named after a plant?! How does it go about possessing people’s bodies?! Nothing... Nothing about this is normal!”

Her rant had shifted targets slightly.

The five of them had gone head-to-head with these otherworldly phenomena multiple times now, and deep down, Taichi had assumed they could keep going. But last winter, during the Age Regression, Inaba had warned him—

—There’s no guarantee our luck won’t run out. We’re on thin ice, Taichi.

“Enough is enough! Why do I have to keep suffering over and over?! I can’t keep doing this! I just can’t take it anymore!”

He knew this supernatural onslaught was bound to break someone sooner or later.

He just wasn’t expecting it to be Nagase.

The fact of the matter was, «Heartseed»’s many phenomena had forced them to mature and grow stronger, whether they wanted to or not. And after safely averting crisis after crisis, they’d grown cocky. They told themselves they were seasoned pros now. But that was merely an assumption on their part, and a stupid one at that.

How could they look at a situation like this one and decide it was no big deal? Had they simply grown numb to it after all this time?

By failing to put the pieces together (until Nagase threw it in their faces), they were partly to blame for everything that had happened.

Now that they’d reached a lull in the conversation, Taichi cut in.

“You’re right... You’re completely right. We should’ve known you were suffering, but we didn’t notice... and for that, I’m sorry.”

“That’s not it...” Nagase replied.

“I thought I knew the real you, but I didn’t... I never knew you were struggling this badly,” Inaba piped up, looking pale. “I’m so sorry... None of this was your fault. Anyone in your shoes would have the same reaction. I just wish you’d let us help you through it... You know we’d do anything to help put a smile back on your face—”

“Would you just listen to me?! You don’t understand!” Nagase screamed. Then, pressing a hand to her eyes, she hung her head, and the room fell silent once more. No one dared speak.

Ordinarily this was where the conversation would die, and no progress would be made... but as mentioned before, their world was far from ordinary.

And so their extraordinary curse got the ball rolling once more.

[What version of me do you people want?! I can’t do this anymore!]

With Nagase’s Transmission came the dark chaos that was her heart. Taichi could feel it for himself, and yet he couldn’t begin to process it.

“What do you mean, ‘what version of you do we want’?” Inaba asked. Evidently she’d received it, too.

“Huh? W-Wait... Hold on...” Nagase shook her head, looking flustered.

As a young child, her then-stepfather’s physical violence led her to start inventing more palatable personas to suit the tastes of those around her. From there, she eventually lost sight of the “real” her. Over time, however, Nagase learned to acknowledge those personas as a valid part of her, and she began to regain a sense of who she really was.

But evidently she still felt conflicted deep down inside—in which case, Taichi knew just what he wanted to say.

“Nagase... Don’t let it get you down! Don’t worry about it so much! No matter who you are, you’ll always be our Nagase. You’re our sunshine, and everyone loves you—”

“I keep telling you, I can’t do it anymore!”

As soon as the words left her lips, Nagase gasped in surprise.

Why was she throwing in the towel? Sure, being so multifaceted was bound to have its downsides, but at the same time, Taichi knew her to be a brilliant, shining ray of hope—

Wait... Do I actually “know” that, though?

Over the past few months, the five of them had opened up to each other considerably, and in so doing, they’d forged unbreakable bonds with each other. Not only that, but thanks to the Sentiment Transmission, their hearts were now on display more than ever before. They had a direct link to each other’s most raw emotions. So why had none of them realized what was wrong with Nagase? They knew something was going on... so why hadn’t they taken action sooner?

Part of it was that her radically different behavior had given them pause... but another part was that they’d simply assumed she would be fine. While she had her moments of instability, everyone understood her to be a strong girl at her core. After all, she had suffered more than anyone when it came to «Heartseed» and its phenomena, but she still pulled through. Thus, they had all believed that this, too, would pass—that she would pull herself together and go back to her usual self sooner or later.

They knew her, and they knew she could handle it.

Or so they thought.

Upon that realization, he got a Transmission from Inaba:

[She said I made assumptions about her... No, we’re all guilty of that. So where did we go wrong...?]

Taichi added this missing piece to the puzzle.

This was the Nagase Iori he (thought he) knew: vastly expressive with emotional instability to match... sometimes gloomy, sometimes fragile... but ultimately a beautiful, sweet, cheerful, pure-hearted girl who had the strength to carry on in the face of adversity. An amazing person, in other words.

But what if... he was wrong?

The clues slowly fell into place.

Earlier, when Nagase lost her temper over the phenomena, her emotions were messy and human and relatable—and yet somehow not in line with his image of her. After all, she was “supposed” to be a flawless beauty with dark depths, with enough charm and mental fortitude to attract people like a magnet—a paragon of the human ideal.

But now, with the help of the Sentiment Transmission, everything finally came together in his mind.

[Maybe Nagase Iori is really just... an ordinary girl like anyone else.]

This Sentiment inadvertently Transmitted to the entire club.

“Hey, Nagase...?” he asked weakly.

“I can’t... I can’t...!” she sobbed, tears running down her cheeks. Clearly she was at her limits. “I can’t do it! I can’t be the person everyone wants me to be... I just can’t! I can’t be their sunshine! I’m not that perfect!”

Such was their expectation...

“If anything, I’m generally pretty aloof! But I’m sure you’ve worked that out by now, going by my Transmissions, not to mention everything I just said!”

...and this was her reality.

“All that time, I was just trying my best to act friendly! I figured it would make things easier for everyone... especially me!” Wiping her tears away, she paused to catch her breath, and it was clear she meant every word. “It wasn’t just a lie, though. It was the me I aspired to be, and so in a sense it really was me—the ideal me. But now... I’m just... I’m just tired of always having to be the version everyone else wants me to be, okay?!” she shouted.

Meanwhile, Taichi and Inaba quietly began to process this confession.

They’d spent so much time with her—Taichi in particular—and yet they somehow never realized she was trying that hard.

“I’m a coward! A pathetic coward! I’m pessimistic and bitter and bitchy—more than any of you realize! Just look at what I said to Inaban for of all her effort! I’m fucking trash!”

Taichi was inclined to disagree with the latter statement, but still... he was surprised to see just how different she was compared to the person he had imagined her to be.

“If anyone’s a fickle bitch, it’s me! First I try to be the perfect little good girl... make everyone think that’s who I am inside... and then suddenly I decide it’s too hard to keep going!”

Here she was, confessing her deepest feelings, no assistance from the Sentiment Transmission required.

“But once you act a certain way, people will start to expect it from you! And I wanted to meet those expectations! Otherwise I was going to look like a total liar!” She choked the words out with all the energy she could muster. “I told myself, this is the me they want... tried to convince myself it was who I really was... No, maybe I just really wanted to be that person... but I wasn’t! It made me realize who I really was—and the answer was ‘anything but that’! I just couldn’t be that perfect girl anymore!”

Nagase had a lot of sides to her. And as it turned out, she’d inadvertently made her most ambitious self her default.

Overcome with emotion, she took a deep breath. “I mean... if I could’ve lived a normal life... maybe then there wouldn’t be this gulf between my ideals and reality. Maybe then I could’ve stuck it out... but...”

Her voice grew stronger again, as though she were slowly but surely working through her feelings.

“What even is «Heartseed»?!” The mastermind. “It took over my body, threw me in the river, told me I was going to die... and despite all my fear and grief, I did my best to stay strong to the very end!” The body-swap. “Then it came back—the thing who was almost my murderer, even if it didn’t mean to be—and I was left paralyzed with fear, dreading the moment it tries to get me killed again, but still I tried to act normal for you guys!” The Liberation. “Then, just when I was at my lowest, it came along and offered me the chance to start all over, like it saw right through me! And I was so weak by that point that it almost worked... but no, I kicked it to the curb!” The Age Regression. “I tried so hard! Really gave it my all! To the point that it’s actually kind of impressive, by my standards!”

Taichi had guessed she was putting in effort—after all, she’d have to be superhuman to manage all that without even trying—but he had severely underestimated the level at which she was operating. No wonder she was practically falling apart.

“But I can’t keep trying this hard forever! I can’t be my perfect self anymore. I can’t make it work! So I decided to stop living up to those expectations. I just wanted to go back! Back to a version of me that I could live with!”

Taichi glanced over at Inaba to find her standing perfectly still, staring straight at Nagase.

“So I figured, if I was going to stop being my ideal self, then I might as well put all my worst traits out in the open... but with the Sentiment Transmission going on, I knew I needed to hurry up or else the contrast between my thoughts and my actions would make me look like a liar, and I was so scared of that happening... The last thing I wanted was for you guys to think all our history together was just a big fat lie... because it wasn’t, okay?! I was just trying my best!”

Nagase was overly self-conscious of the performative aspects of her personality. It seemed she’d grown paranoid that the others would see her effort as deceptive.

“I was so panicked and confused... I didn’t know how to make the old me go away... or how to get everyone to accept the new me in her place... I was so lost and conflicted, and everything started to go wrong, and I couldn’t fix it... but I mean... I’m just... I’m not always perfect, okay?! I wish I was, but I’m not!”

She sniffled quietly.

The dam had burst, and all her pent-up emotions had come flooding out, overwhelming Taichi in a torrent of painful truths. He was speechless.

He’d claimed to be in love with her—told her he wanted to be like her. But unbeknownst to him, this had likely only served to further contribute to the external pressure she felt to maintain her ideal self.

How could he possibly console her when he’d never understood the first thing about her? Even Inaba seemed to struggle to find her voice—

“WHO CARES, STUPID-HEAD!”

It was an extremely childish remark that, frankly, kind of ruined the moment.

“What?” Nagase stared back blankly for a moment. “You... You can’t just call me stupid!”

“Why not?! You’ve called me stupid before, haven’t you?! Christ, that little monologue nearly put me to sleep! Learn some brevity, buttmunch! Asswipe! Dickweed!”

Her tone was straightforward, without a hint of sentimentality. In an instant, the oppressive atmosphere in the room was gone—because she had single-handedly erased it. Was she always this ballsy?

But soon her condescending expression began to fade. “Dumbass...” she whispered gently. “Just so you know... I’m kinda reeling from this. I feel like... like I literally might break down crying,” she continued in a watery, emotional voice. Ballsy, yet fragile. “I feel so bad... You’re one of my best friends, and yet... I never understood how you really felt...”

She hung her head. Dark, glossy strands of hair fell over her face, hiding it from view, and she wrapped her arms around herself like she was fighting to contain all her anger and sadness.

Then she looked up—and stared Nagase dead in the eye.

“But I’m gonna say something to you, partly because I think you need to hear it, but mostly because I feel like saying it!” Fragile, yet ballsy. “You’re not perfect? Can’t make it work? Bitch, you aren’t special! I suck at this shit too! You think I don’t try to be smart, competent, and beautiful at all times?! Of course I do! But I can’t! Hell, I can’t even get my crush to notice me!”

I’d say I’ve noticed you plenty, Taichi retorted silently.

“Exactly how high are these goddamn standards of yours?! I’ll admit, we probably put some unreasonable expectations on you! But you’re the one who felt overly obligated to live up to them, damn it! You’re an idiot, that’s what you are!” She paused, then mused, “Feels like the tables have turned this time, doesn’t it?”

What do you mean, “this time”? Taichi wondered.

“You’re such a perfectionist, it’s disgusting! The second you fall short of your own ideals, you just give up and throw it all away?! No wonder you were worried about us thinking you’re a liar!”

The second the word liar came into play, Nagase began to panic. “Listen... It wasn’t all fake, okay?! It was still me—”

“I know! And you know what else I know? I know what your damn problem is! It’s always all or nothing with you!”

Nagase’s eyes widened in shock.

“Why do things have to be so black and white?! ‘Welp, I can’t be my best self, so I guess I’ll just be my worst self instead!’ Like, what fucking sense does that make?! Why pivot from one extreme to the other?! If you can’t be your ‘ideal self’ 24/7, then maybe give yourself permission to take a goddamn break every once in a while! Don’t bottle it all up until you explode, you fucking imbecile!”

Her furious tirade had Nagase rooted to the spot.

“Let’s get one thing clear, alright? You think we expected perfection of you? Are you braindead? Seriously, who do you think you are? The romantic lead in a movie? You really think everyone is paying that much attention to you at all times? You’re so full of yourself. No one is as obsessed with you as you are, you FUCKING MORON!”

Inaba Himeko was now dominating the room.

“We’re all too busy dealing with our own shit, okay?!” she continued. “It’s your life, so live it however you want! And the rest of us will just have to accept that! I will accept that!”

The words weren’t directed at him, and yet he found it touching all the same. Before he knew it, his eyes were transfixed on Inaba.

“You need to refocus your damn effort! It’s not about being ‘perfect’! It’s not about being your ‘real self’! Who cares?! I’m supposed to be the overthinker here, not you! Focus on what really matters, for fuck’s sake!”

Taichi thought back to the moment during the Liberation when Fujishima had asked him: What is it that you truly care about above all else?

“Okay, time out!” Inaba shouted, wiping her forehead and gasping for breath. Then she continued, “So, you’ve been dealing with a lot, and yet you came to the clubroom today. Why? You saw the mess in there and got angry. Why? Were you worried about being your ‘perfect self’ or whatever? You weren’t, were you? Try to remember how you felt in that moment!”

She folded her arms, and Taichi began to wonder where she was going with this.

“Gah, why am I psychoanalyzing you right now?! Figure this shit out yourself, you nimrod. I’m tired! Real talk, I have no right to act like I have my shit together—I’m just winging it! So don’t call me out later and be like ‘Hey, remember when you said blah blah blah?’ I can’t be the smart one all the time, you know!”

Evidently she had stopped holding herself back.

“But yeah, I guess... your past probably has something to do with it...” she continued, her voice softer now. “Still... If you’re so far from perfect, then stop trying so hard to be what you’re not! Just fight through your failures, make a total ass of yourself, then pick yourself back up again and push onwards... like me!”

Sure, Inaba would put her foot in her mouth from time to time, but she was still a total badass. At least, Taichi was inclined to think so.

Nagase’s expression twisted in misery. “Seriously, we don’t have to do this... I can’t pick myself back up like you can, Inaban... I just can’t...”

The Nagase they knew always pushed through, no matter how bad it hurt. But now she was claiming she couldn’t.

“Iori...” Inaba faltered. After a pause, she glanced at Taichi. “Got anything you want to add to this?”

With the spotlight suddenly on him, he mulled over the concept of Nagase Iori for a moment.

They met on the first day of high school, right there in Class 1-C. His first impression was that she was really pretty, and sometimes he found himself staring after her. Then the next thing he knew, they ended up in the same after-school club together. Months flew by, and gradually he found himself drawn to her more and more until eventually... he fell in love.

“I said I was in love with you... but I never really saw you for who you were. I wanted to be like you so badly... I idealized you a bit too much. So at this point, it’s no wonder you don’t want to go out with me.”

He’d fallen for the “ideal” Nagase, not the real her. He only wished he could’ve been the one to see through it all.

“Now that I know the perfect you and the regular you, I’d like to say this again—but this time I’m saying it to the real Nagase Iori.”

He had no logical or rational basis for doing this. It just felt right.

“I still love you, Nagase.”

Nagase’s eyes widened, and he knew he’d gotten through to her.

“T-Taichi...?” Inaba asked weakly. Then, belatedly, he realized the implications of his statement.

“Oh, uh, love you as a friend, obviously! We can set all the romance stuff aside!”

Whew. Nearly gave her the wrong idea... Wait, who exactly am I worried about...?

Regardless, he wasn’t about to claim he had romantic feelings for someone he had completely misunderstood up until today.

“You might be way different from the person I imagined you to be... but that won’t stop me from wanting to be your friend.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Why...? Why? Wouldn’t that difference bother you? What are you basing your friendship on, then?”

This time he decided to take a leaf out of Inaba’s book. “Who cares?”

Damn, that feels good.

“What?”

“Sure, you might be nothing like the Nagase I used to know. You’ve got a different vibe now. But you’re both Nagase, and I like both of you.”

“But why?!”

“Who cares why? I want to be your friend, and I want you to be mine. That’s all that matters! End of story!”

Inaba let out a cackle. “Damn right! That’s what I’m talking about! We don’t need reasons or logic. We just need to follow our hearts. And if we start to have second thoughts, then we just need to push through it.”

So what was it that he based his friendships on, anyway? Personality? History? He didn’t have the answer... but he didn’t need one. As long as it felt right, then it was right. What was stopping them?

Sometimes the best option was to stop thinking so hard. After all, you couldn’t poke holes in logic that wasn’t there in the first place.

Nagase stood there for a long moment, silently taking in their idiocy.

“I’m sorry... I just... You guys have given me a lot to think about... I just need some time.”

And that was the last thing she said to them.

+ + +

It was Saturday—the day after the clubroom vandalism and the conversation with Iori.

There was no school that day, but the CRC had agreed to meet up anyway. There wasn’t much time until club presentations began, and they needed to finish as much as possible.

On her way to the clubroom, Inaba Himeko stopped by the hardware store to pick up some things she needed for her section, then continued on foot to the school grounds, cutting through the park to save a bit of time.

As she walked, she heard male voices conversing nearby.

“...Y’know, I never knew Setouchi was such a monster.”

The name Setouchi gave her pause. Instantly, she thought of Iori’s biggest hater, Setouchi Kaoru—a girl who was quite possibly involved in the vandalism herself.

Sitting on a bench were two shady-looking teenagers. Inaba had a feeling she recognized them... Maybe they were fellow Yamaboshi students.

“She’s the monster? You’re the one who went hog-wild in there.”

“I mean, I did feel guilty doing it... but at the same time, it was pretty good stress relief, y’know?”

They sniggered.

Meanwhile, a red flag went off in Inaba’s head. Of all the insane coincidences... or was it fate that brought me here? Maybe God finally did something right for the first time in my life.

Her blood began to boil.

“Still, I feel kinda bad for ‘em. What were they called again? The Cultural Research Club? Tore their whole presentation poster to shreds.”

“Eh, it’s just paper—”

That was the moment Inaba snapped.

“YOU BASTARDS!”

She hadn’t thought anything through—merely lost her temper.

“Wh-What’s your problem?”

“Fuck you!”

She was furious. They needed to pay. How? She wasn’t sure. Nevertheless, she stormed over.

“Seriously, what do you w—Whoa!”

She seized one of them by the collar.

“You fucking—Hgghh?!” Out of nowhere, she felt someone wrap their arm around her neck, putting her in a chokehold. “Ggghhh!” She couldn’t breathe.

“Who the hell is this chick?” she heard her attacker ask, his voice deep and masculine, from somewhere high above her head. This dude is a giant.

“Did you get bored and harass some girl on the street again?”

“There’s no way you’ve got game with an ugly mug like that. Haha!”

Two new voices. This made for a total of five guys now.

“No! She picked a fight with me for no reason! Who the hell are you, bitch?!” One of the guys got up from the bench and roughly grabbed her by the chin. “Wait... Are you from the Cultural Research Club?”

“Ooh, she’s a hottie!” another one smirked, peering at her face from over her shoulder.

The blood drained from her face.

What is happening to me right now? His arm is so beefy. I can barely breathe. This isn’t safe. There’s five dudes. They’ve got me, and I can’t escape. I’m scared... I need to get away!

She opened her mouth... and sank her teeth into the guy’s fingers.

“AAAGGHHH!”

“What the fuck? Settle down, bitch!”

Then a heavy impact rattled her brain—and her consciousness faded.

+ + +

—Maybe we should’ve left her somewhere.

—We didn’t have a choice! We knocked her out. Plus, she’s seen our faces. We needed to shut her up somehow.

—Kinda got carried away back there. Oh well! This is fun. Feels like we’re in a movie.

—Quit screwing around! Maybe you three don’t give a fuck since you go to Akitaka, but she goes to Yamaboshi with us!

—Yeah, yeah, whatever. So this is the chick those Yamaboshi girls have beef with, right? Did you message them?

—I dunno, man. It’s a Saturday morning, so... Oh, Setouchi says she’ll come. Apparently this girl’s involved somehow.

—Ugh, not Setouchi...

—Relax. Maybe the other girls will turn up later on.

—Hell, we got one tied up right here! C’mon, we all know where this is going, right?

—You really gonna cross that line?

—Dude, look at what we’re doing! We crossed it forever ago!

—Oh, cry me a river. She was the one who picked a fight with us. We were just defending ourselves. Anyway, we just have to wait until the girls get here... So who has beef with who, exactly?

—I don’t have all the details. I just helped fuck with their shit... Gah, this is so not worth the reward she promised us...

And so there I was, inside what appeared to be an abandoned factory, arms and legs tied up, mouth taped over, listening to these thugs carry on their conversation.

One thought fills my mind:

I can’t believe this shit actually happens in real life.