How to Get Mileage Out of a Paparazzi Photo
“The CRC’s pretty unstoppable when we put our heads together, wouldn’t you say?” Nagase Iori asked, entirely unprompted, of Yaegashi Taichi.
Sometimes this baffling beauty was rather hard to read.
“What do you mean?” Taichi replied.
“You know, just... unstoppable!”
“What? That’s so vague. How am I supposed to respond to that?”
“Well, I think we each bring a lot to the table... and there’s a lot we can only manage with the full group, y’know?”
Yaegashi Taichi. Nagase Iori. Inaba Himeko. Kiriyama Yui. Aoki Yoshifumi. Each of them a critical cog in the machine that was the Cultural Research Club.
“You’ve got a point. Everyone’s got their own areas of expertise... Well, except for me. I’m nothing special.” He wasn’t trying to be self-deprecating—just a plain statement of fact. Compared to the others, he was average at best.
“That’s not true at all. We wouldn’t be a team without you.” She twirled the strands of her ponytail around her finger.
“You really think so? Not that I’m trying to argue with you or anything.”
Maybe the “right” option here would be to simply nod along, but for some reason he couldn’t let it go.
“Okay, let’s put it this way. Who do you think is the most important member of the club? No right or wrong answer, just wondering.”
“Well, it’s gotta be you, right? You’re the club president.”
“Oh boy... You really don’t get it, do you?” She sighed and slumped her shoulders in a show of exasperation. “The most important member is you, Taichi. No two ways about it.”
Her words seeped into his heart, and for a moment, he almost accepted it.
Almost.
Instead, he hastily shook his head. “No, no, no! That can’t be true.”
“Well, it is.”
“No, it isn’t—”
“Is too.”
“Is not!”
“Is too!”
“...Fine, whatever! Will you just let me say my piece?!”
“You really hate the idea of you being important, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t hate it. It’s just... kind of hard to believe, I guess.”
“Hmph... Well, I think you should try. It can’t hurt to go through life believing in your own self-worth, y’know?”
“...Valid point. That’s a good way to look at it, actually.”
But he still couldn’t quite see himself as the central figure in their club.
“Dang it, Taichi... I really wish you’d see things my way...” Her tone was light and casual, but he could tell she was genuinely disappointed.
“You think too highly of me. I’m really not that amazing, I promise.” Still, he found himself wanting to be the kind of guy she thought he was. He could talk the talk all he wanted, but until he had proved himself capable, something about it didn’t feel right. “What is self-worth, anyway...?” he mused to himself aloud.
But his question faded away in the aether, unnoticed by Nagase, and the clubroom fell silent once more—
“Holy moly macaroni, I am starving!” she blurted out of nowhere, and consequently, the dramatic tension faded away into the aether as well.
□■□
The Yamaboshi High School Cultural Research Club, also known as the CRC. Objective: “a broader scope of research unfettered by existing frameworks.” (Translation: anything goes.) Currently it consisted of five first-year students.
Despite its classy name, it was something of a half-assed club with no real rules or restrictions, save for one exception: the production and submission of a monthly periodical entitled “The Culture Bulletin.”
It was the middle of summer break, and the five members of the CRC were sitting around the tables in the clubroom.
“Starting now, we’ll be presenting our article topics for submission in the Culture Festival Special Edition of the Culture Bulletin,” said vice president Inaba Himeko, all without the slightest hitch. She sat at the head of the table; her glossy dark shoulder-length hair and sharp, angular features afforded her an air of competence.
Today they were scheduled to discuss the upcoming Culture Festival, which would take place at the start of September, immediately after summer break ended.
“Let’s go clockwise, starting with Yui.” Without hesitation, Inaba indicated a petite girl with long chestnut-colored hair by the name of Kiriyama Yui, who giggled.
“Oh, just wait until you get a load of mine! All the girls are going to love it—especially all the visiting middle schoolers! They’ll want to enroll into our school, like, for sure!” Kiriyama declared as she pulled a sheet of paper from her bag. “Behold: ‘Perfect Your Style With The Top Ten Hottest Accessories Chosen By High School Fashionistas’!” She thrust out her chest in triumph as she held the draft up for all to see—
“Cool. Iori, you’re next,” Inaba continued.
“W-Wait a minute! ‘Cool’? That’s all I get? Just ‘cool’?!” Kiriyama leapt to her feet, her chair clattering behind her.
“That’s it,” Inaba replied flatly. It was obvious at a glance that she cared far, far less about this than Kiriyama.
“That’s unacceptable! I don’t care if you want to ignore the guys, but when it comes to us girls, you should not be blowing us off like that!”
Inaba turned to Nagase. “What am I supposed to say here, Iori?”
“I dunno... There’s not much we really can say when it comes to fashion stuff,” Nagase shrugged with a grin.
“F-Fine, whatever! I get it! Not like either of you need to care about fashion! Inaba’s such a natural bombshell she doesn’t even have to try... and everyone says Iori’s the prettiest girl in our grade...”
“Aww, c’mon, Kiriyama. You’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re just as pretty as they are,” Taichi reassured her.
“Whuh-huh?! O-Oh... Right. Thanks, Taichi,” Kiriyama replied, looking a little startled.
“Hold on a minute... That’s MY job! I mean, you’re totally right, don’t get me wrong,” Aoki Yoshifumi cut in. (This lanky youth was by no means Kiriyama’s boyfriend, but not for lack of trying.) “But yeah, Yui, what he said. You’re lookin’ gorgeous today!”
“I don’t care what you think of me,” she snapped.
Once again, the enthusiasm differential between the two was painfully apparent.
“Alright, alright. If you want my feedback... I think the girls will like it, probably. And maybe putting it in the Culture Bulletin will attract more readers. No complaints here, Yui.”
Kiriyama sat back in her chair with a pout... No, the corners of her mouth were turned up. Sure enough, Inaba’s shameless pandering had the desired effect.
“Okay, now that Yui’s got the green light from Inaban, it’s my turn! Presenting!” Nagase (who was supposed to be the club president, mind you) gleefully unfolded her crumpled-up sheet of paper. “ ‘A Day in the Life of a Yamaboshi Student: An Exclusive Scoop on Inaba Himeko.’ ”
“What the fuck?! You want to publish details of my personal life? Without my permission?!”
“I was just thinking, y’know, since it’s supposed to be a school newspaper and all, it’d be nice to do a spotlight feature on a Yamaboshi student every now and then.”
“I get that, and it’s a good idea in concept, but I don’t want that spotlight on me, thanks!”
“Aww, c’mon! Think about it! When I was brainstorming ideas for my article, I asked myself ‘If I was reading the Culture Bulletin, what’s the one thing I’d wanna find out more than anything?’ and the answer was obviously ‘Inaban’s private life’!”
“I admit, I’m a little curious myself,” Taichi muttered under his breath.
“Ooh, me too!” shouted Aoki.
“Me three!” shouted Kiriyama.
“Jesus Christ, how much do you people like me?! Get a life!”
“It’s not our fault you’re so secretive, Inaban. Obviously we’re gonna get a little curious!”
“You’re no open book yourself, Iori!” Inaba shot back, but Nagase shrugged innocently. “Fine, whatever. This little exposé is not happening, got it?! I’m not gonna let you give away my personal information to some unspecified number of people! Oh, I know. A while back, someone suggested doing an article on the National Athletic Meet, right? Just go with that.”
“Aww, c’mooon! I was just trying to infringe on your privacy, that’s all!”
“Was that supposed to convince me? Because now I trust you even less. Look, I’m not doing your little spotlight, and that’s final! You’re doing an article on the Athletic Meet! Done and done!” Nagase started to sulk, but Inaba ignored her. “Now let’s move on! Aoki, you’re up!”
“Since this is the Culture Festival Special Edition, figured I’d go with somethin’ extra special, with reader participation and a prize.”
“That sounds interesting,” Taichi commented.
“I know, right? I’ve titled it ‘Calling All Love Gurus! Rescue This Romance... For a Reward!’ ”
“Definitely sounds like a Culture Festival article. Not bad, considering who came up with it.” Evidently he’d even won Inaba’s approval, bizarrely enough.
“Yesss! Inabacchan’s on board with it! You could’ve left off the part after ‘Not bad,’ though!”
“So, what’s it about?” Nagase asked.
“Oho, looks like I’ve piqued Iori-chan’s curiosity! Well then, allow me to explain! Our troubled letter writer, A.Y., has a crush on someone—we’ll call her K.Y.—but she’s too shy to even go on a date with him. So, we’ll list all the relevant information and poll the readers for their advice—”
Kiriyama slammed her hands on the table. “Stop right there! A.Y. and K.Y.?! That’s obviously ‘Aoki Yoshifumi’ and ‘Kiriyama Yui’!”
“H-How did you know?!”
“Anyone with half a brain would figure it out, genius! And what do you mean by ‘relevant information’?!”
“Well, y’know, people need context before they can offer up good ideas... So, I’ll try all the suggestions, and then I’ll give the prize to the person whose idea worked—”
“Hold it! That’s what your prize is for?! Literally no one’s going to win, stupid!”
“Y-You can’t say that for sure! I mean, okay, maybe it’s ‘winning the lottery’ levels of impossible, but even then there’s still a teeny tiny chance, right?”
“So you’ve accepted that your chances are infinitesimally small, I take it.” Taichi was impressed by Aoki’s courage.
Naturally, Kiriyama threw a fit until the idea was officially shitcanned.
“Back to the drawing board, Aoki. Taichi, you’re next.”
At Inaba’s prompting, Taichi pulled out his article draft and unfolded it. “Like the rest of you, I wanted to write something with a little more mainstream appeal this time around. It’s titled ‘Pro Wrestling 101: Tips to Heighten Your Viewing Experience.’ Obviously, I focused primarily on my own preferred—”
“Fuck, I forgot I didn’t need to ask you!” Inaba shouted.
“Alert! Alert! Fanboy mode engaged!” Nagase joined in.
“Hold on, guys. Settle down. Now, I know my articles usually require too much specialized knowledge for the average person to understand, but this time I’ve intentionally written it so absolutely anyone—”
“If you want people to understand your articles, stop writing about pro wrestling!” Inaba shouted again.
“I’m sure your article’s fine, Taichi!” Nagase joined in... again.
“No, seriously, hear me out! I admit, I touch on some high-level concepts, like ‘the more basic techniques (Boston crab, etc.) present in the opening act, the more exciting it makes the main event,’ but—”
“Enough! Just write whatever you want!” Exasperated, Inaba waved her hand dismissively.
“Let’s hear your article, then,” Taichi shot back sulkily.
“Well... Seeing as it’s a festival and all, I was thinking we’ve earned the right to go a little hog-wild.” As she spoke, she pulled out a single photo.
Curious to discover Inaba’s definition of “hog-wild,” Taichi leaned in to get a better look—and froze.
He stared blankly, rooted to the spot. His mouth wouldn’t work.
Beside him, the other three CRC members were in an uproar... and for good reason.
There, depicted in her photograph, were two faculty members employed at Yamaboshi High School... holding hands in a cafe.
It was a scandal on par with anything you’d read in a celebrity gossip rag.
“Wh-Where the hell did you get this pic...?” Taichi asked, mildly horrified.
Inaba chuckled. “Not telling.” She was a total enigma, as always.
“W-Wait... Okay, maybe it doesn’t matter how you got your paws on this, but... surely we can’t publish it in a school-sanctioned newspaper!”
He glanced over at the other three, who were all busy shouting “Is this legit?! No Photoshop?!” and “Him?! With her?! You’re joking, right?!” and “Holy mackerel!” and so on.
“Sure we can... as long as we get it cleared with our club supervisor.”
“There’s no way he’ll approve it! And even on the off-chance he does, and we print it... how are we supposed to hand them out? If any of the teachers see it—especially these two—we’re dead meat!”
“Hmph! That’s hardly an obstacle. Not for the five of us, anyway.”
—The CRC’s pretty unstoppable when we put our heads together, wouldn’t you say?
“You say that now, but you know they’re not going to let us walk away from this with just a slap on the wrist!” Taichi cautioned.
Inaba’s expression hardened. “I’ll admit, even if we think it all through perfectly, we still might not be able to pull it off without stepping on a few toes... especially if we do it the same way anyone else would do it. But we’re gonna do this our way, and we’re gonna nail it. How do I know this?” She smirked and smugly folded her arms. “Because when we put our heads together, the five of us are invincible... if only on school grounds.”
Her confidence was utterly baseless. He knew that. And yet he found himself wanting to believe in her anyway.
“Now then, everyone! Commence the operation!”
□■□
The Culture Festival was now just one short week away, and Yamaboshi High School was filled with the sounds of banging hammers, choir practice, and chatter. Meanwhile, the CRC’s plan was well underway.
Today found Taichi, Nagase, and Inaba in the staff room, Culture Bulletin manuscript in hand, hoping to get the green light for publication from their club supervisor, Gotou Ryuuzen (physics teacher, age 25). This would prove to be their first hurdle.
“Well, if it isn’t the CRC kids! Or the three from 1-C, anyway. What’s up, friendos? How’s the cafe coming along?”
Taichi, Nagase, and Inaba were all students in Class 1-C, the class for which Gotou served as advisor. Thus, he was the teacher with whom they had the closest working relationship.
“Our class president runs a tight ship, as I’m sure you know, so everything’s right on schedule... Maybe a little too on schedule. Anyway, Gotou, we need you to sign off on our manuscript, so if you would be so kind as to pretend to read it, like you always do, I’d appreciate it.”
Granted, this relationship, however close it may have been, did not excuse Inaba’s blatant disrespect.
“Inaba, I keep telling you, if you can’t call me Sensei, at least stick to Gossan. Otherwise you undermine my authority as—wait, what the? Your submission seems a little different this month.”
Evidently his “authority” was not as pressing as the Culture Festival Special Edition. Taichi was dying to point this out, of course, but he bit back the impulse.
“What’s with the photo and the giant headline? Wait... Is that... Tanaka the social studies teacher with the one-in-a-million drop-dead-gorgeous Hirata Ryouko-sensei?! Were they an item this whole time?! I never heard about this!”
“Gossan, please don’t make inappropriate comments about your coworker,” Taichi retorted, unable to stop himself.
“They’re not actually an item. Not yet,” said Inaba.
Gotou heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god. They’ve gotta be, like, twenty years apart!”
“But apparently it’s only a matter of time before they get together.”
“What?! I thought Tanaka-sensei was married to his job! Damn it, and there I was getting pretty worried about him... Meanwhile he was out landing himself a major catch!” Gotou clutched his hair in frustration.
Meanwhile, Inaba snickered. From the way she toyed with him, you’d never guess that he was technically her teacher.
“Uggghhh... That just zapped any motivation I had to work today... Blegh. Tonight I’m gonna go home and get wasted.”
“So anyway, Gossan! Could we get your stamp of approval on this bad boy?” Nagase asked, waving the manuscript in the air.
“You want it that bad, stamp it yourself. I trust you kids not to write anything you’re not supposed to. Hah...”
For what it was worth, he did seem to trust them... for some reason.
“Yeah, I figured you would say that, so I already went and stamped it,” Nagase replied, beaming.
“You two are weirdly in sync today...” Taichi muttered to himself, mildly concerned.
And so, thanks to Inaba’s psychological warfare, they cleared the first hurdle like it was barely an obstacle at all.
Now that they were cleared for publication, they summoned Kiriyama and Aoki to join them in the clubroom. Recently, the two of them had grown rather busy with dance practice for the event their class would be holding for the Culture Festival, and so this was a rare opportunity to hang out as a group.
The topic of the day, naturally, was the Special Edition.
“I’m really not sure we should be publishing that paparazzi photo without their consent,” Taichi told Inaba.
“We’ll be fine, Taichi. According to my investigation, their feelings are mutual, but Tanaka-sensei’s notoriously uptight, and they’re both too worried about the age gap to make a move. But this right here? This will give them the push they need to take the plunge. We aren’t overstepping our bounds—I’m 99% sure of that.”
“Well, what about that 1% chance we are? You know, I can’t stop wondering... How the hell do you get all this information, anyway?”
“Like I keep telling you, it’s a secret.” She cackled.
“Your evil villain laugh isn’t exactly reassuring here, Inaba...”
It was even more frightening coming from someone as naturally pretty as she was.
“We’ll just have to trust her on this,” said Kiriyama. “Now let’s hurry up and figure out how we’re going to distribute all the copies. We need to make it so the teachers can’t confiscate them partway through, right?” Her long reddish-brown hair swayed as she fanned herself with her clipboard.
“We do technically have permission to publish the photo... but just from Gossan. And it’s not like he actually thought this through,” muttered Taichi. He strongly doubted Gotou had much clout among the faculty.
“Look, people, this is a non-issue,” Inaba smirked.
“You have a plan, I take it?” Taichi asked. Whatever it was, if she was that confident about it, then surely it had to be extremely well-thought-out and complicated—
“We hand them out all at once. End of story.”
—or not.
“Yeah, that might actually be our best option. Straight and to the point,” Nagase nodded. She leaned in. “Ooh, I know! Why don’t we make it something to remember? Dump ‘em from the rooftop or something!”
“I like the way you think, Iori-chan! Add a little spice to this festival! Ooh, and y’know what would be even better? If we set off fireworks at the same time!”
“Aoki, you’re a genius! Now that’s how you make an impression!”
They were a little too excited about this, in Taichi’s estimation.
“If we make a big spectacle of ourselves, it’ll make everyone want to read the Bulletin... and if we hand them out all at once, we’ll be done in no time flat! Two birds with one stone!” Kiriyama chimed in enthusiastically.
“Heh! Not bad. We’ll need to make sure there’s nothing flammable nearby, of course... And we can’t just toss the full stack. We should limit the amount we toss... then either we leave the rest somewhere or hand them out, I guess... Oh, and we’ll need to check the wind conditions for the day of the festival... And we’ll need to pick up the excess after we’re done...”
Evidently Inaba was already looking to weave it into their existing plan.
“You know, Inaba, sometimes I can’t tell if you’re a genius or just downright insane.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Taichi. I’m at least the smartest person in the club.”
She looked like she meant it, too.
“Well, if we’re gonna toss ‘em...” All of a sudden, Aoki leapt to his feet. “I’VE GOT IT!”
Kiriyama rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, what is it now? It better not be something stupid.”
“Trust me, Yui, it’s brilliant! I’m on top of my game today! Listen, guys. If we’re doin’ this, we should wait until the main stage is at its most hype! And when is that? Right when they announce the winner of the Miss Yamaboshi Pageant! How about it?!”
“...That’s so totally average, I don’t even know what to say.”
“Aww, c’mon! Is average such a bad thing when it’s me?!”
“It’s not a bad idea, but it’s... missing something, y’know?” Nagase told him.
“What do you people want from me?! Eh, whatevs. Doesn’t matter.” And with that, Aoki had shrugged it off at the speed of light.
“Then let’s sweeten the deal,” Inaba cut in. She paused until everyone’s eyes were on her, then continued, “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the winner of the pageant was one of us?”
The others murmured in surprise.
“That would be crazy!” Nagase mused. “But which one of us could possibly—”
“You, idiot,” Inaba interrupted. “Was that supposed to be sarcasm or something? No, who am I kidding... You probably meant every word of that.”
“Oh, please! Look, I know I’m pretty, but I don’t think I’m that pretty...”
“So you admit you think you’re pretty,” Taichi retorted. Granted, she wasn’t exactly wrong. Just overly honest, perhaps.
“You can do it, Iori! They select a winner for each grade level, and you’re objectively the prettiest girl in our grade, so clearly you’ve got this in the bag! Trust me, I know cute when I see it,” said Kiriyama.
“You sound rather proud of yourself,” Taichi retorted again.
“C’mon, guys! You both have just as much potential as I do! You could win it!” Nagase insisted.
“Well, yes. I am considered conventionally attractive, as I understand it,” Inaba replied.
“And I’m pretty cute myself,” Kiriyama added.
Correction: All the CRC girls were overly honest.
“For the record, I think Yui’s the pr—GAH!” Aoki yelped as Inaba punched him in the shoulder.
“Shut it, dumbass! Argh, whatever! The point is, Iori’s a shoo-in! Tch... I’ll have to use my trump card... Tell her, Taichi!”
“Tell her what?” Taichi asked, flustered.
“If you tell her she can do it, I’m sure it’ll all work out!”
It was actually refreshing, having Inaba dump all responsibility on him for a change.
“I’m not sure it’ll be that easy, but... I mean, I do think Nagase has the looks to win a pageant,” Taichi admitted.
“So... am I right in thinking... you’re saying you think I’m really pretty?” Her innocent gaze fixed on his.
“Y-Yeah, basically,” he nodded.
A few seconds of silence passed as Nagase processed this response. Then she smiled—so shyly, so sweetly, it nearly took his breath away.
“That’s weird... For some reason, when you put it like that, I’m almost tempted to do it... Okay, fine! I’ll enter the pageant! And I’ll win! And that’s when we’ll make it rain Culture Bulletins!” Nagase declared loudly, thrusting her fist into the air.
“Atta girl, Iori-chan! You can do it!” Aoki cheered.
“They let you wear whatever costume you want for the pageant, right?! Oh my gosh, what should we have you wear?! Hee hee! I’m gonna make you super-mega-adorbs, or my name isn’t Kiriyama Yui!”
As Kiriyama squealed with excitement, Taichi glanced at Inaba to find her looking back at him, her head held high, with a smirk on her face that said I told you so.
“I’m sure that was just a coincidence,” he insisted.
“Hah!” Inaba scoffed. “You keep telling yourself that, buddy. Anyway, we’re gonna need the biggest fireworks we can get our hands on... Other than that, we should be set...” Inaba pulled her laptop over and began to type.
“Let’s do this, Taichi! Let’s make this a Culture Festival to remember!” Nagase exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear as she held out her fist in his direction.
So what was it he brought to the table in this group? He wasn’t sure. But even if it wasn’t much... he still wanted to give it his all.
“Damn straight. If we’re doing this, we’re going to do it right.”
He pressed his knuckles to hers in a fist bump.
□■□
And so the day of the Culture Festival was upon them at last.
The weather was perfect for their purposes—clear skies with only a slight breeze. This resulted in a larger-than-expected turnout, and the Yamaboshi campus was abuzz with energy.
Some time after noon, the CRC (minus Nagase) headed to the main stage. The place was packed like sardines; Taichi worried he might accidentally kick the heels of the person in front of him.
When they arrived, the pageant was well underway, showcasing each first-year contestant. This was the moment that would decide the fate of “Operation Bulletin Blitz,” as Inaba liked to call it. Of course, even if Nagase were to lose, this wouldn’t impact the plan itself; naturally, Inaba had come up with a backup plan to account for that. Still, they were operating under the assumption that she’d win, and they hoped they wouldn’t have to switch gears at the last moment... Well, that and they wanted the mission to be a complete success, obviously.
“I looked up all the contestants at the first-year grade level. They’re all decently pretty, but they don’t stand a chance against Iori,” Kiriyama declared, carrying a tray of takoyaki balls she had apparently purchased on their way here. Her long hair was tied up in a ponytail, likely to keep it out of her face during Class 1-A’s dance performance.
Onstage, the eager emcee was asking the contestants a variety of borderline-inappropriate questions that provoked gasps and cheers from the audience. C’mon, man, you can’t go asking her what her cup size—aaaaand she punched him. Called it.
Around them, a few onlookers shouted things like “Get him!” and “Kick his ass!” Needless to say, the crowd was hyped.
“Sorry I couldn’t help with the costume fitting. How’d it go?” Inaba asked Kiriyama.
“Ghhck...! It burnsh...! Gah, these takoyaki balls are too dang hot!” she choked.
“For real? Lemme try!” Aoki opened his mouth wide.
“I’m not going to feed it to you, you weirdo!” she snapped.
Guess nothing’s changed on that front.
“Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, the costume! Yeah, it went perfectly! I had a heck of a time deciding, but in the end I decided to just go with my favorite!”
“Oh boy...” Taichi muttered.
“I’ve always wanted to make her wear it at least once, y’know? I can’t wait for you to see it—it’s going to be great! Everybody tell her how gorgeous she is so we can make her wear a bunch of other costumes later, okay?”
“Who exactly stands to benefit from Nagase in costume?” Taichi retorted again.
“Well, me, duh,” Kiriyama (notorious lover of all things cute) answered as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “What’s the harm in making her our eye candy? Gosh, it must be so great to be that cute! I wish I could be her for a day... I could wear sooo many different outfits! God, I love cute! Cute or bust! Cute for life!” Evidently Kiriyama could entertain herself with or without anyone else contributing to the conversation. “Ghhck—sho hot! Too dang hot! Wh... Inaba! Don’t swipe my food!”
“Mmm... You know what I think? I think you just have a sensitive tongue!” Inaba declared, pointing her toothpick in Kiriyama’s face.
“Pffft... Inabacchan... You’ve got a bit of seaweed stuck on your tooth—OUCH! Did you really have to hit me?! Don’t shoot the messenger, man!”
“Coming from you, it undermines my dignity as a human being.”
“Gah...! I think that’s the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me...”
They were barely even watching the stage at this point.
“...Thank you very much! Next up, contestant #4!”
“Oh, that’s Iori-chan’s number!” Aoki exclaimed.
“What? That was fast! Oh god, where’s my camera... Ugh, I can’t do this one-handed! Stupid takoyaki!”
“That’s what you get for buying it,” Taichi retorted under his breath as he directed his attention back to the stage.
There, a girl walked out from backstage, clad in a light pink flower-patterned yukata. It was the perfect color—not too garish, not too dull; the sort of color Taichi could only describe as charming. The girl wearing it had such perfect porcelain skin, too... Altogether, she was reminiscent of cherry blossom petals atop freshly fallen snow.
Even from a distance, it was easy to make out her large, bright eyes and symmetrical features. Her silky, medium-length dark hair was tied back with a single scarlet ribbon.
Then, finally, at the center of the stage, she came to a stop, tilted her head slightly, and smiled—an infectious, heartwarming smile.
The crowd exploded in cheers. And there, greeted with tumultuous applause, stood none other than their own Nagase Iori.
Wordlessly, Taichi stared at her, entranced.
“Holy crap, dude! I always knew Iori-chan was pretty, but this is somethin’ else!” Aoki howled with glee.
“Hmph! What’d I tell you? If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to put an outfit together. And I put a lot of effort into her hair, too! But most of it’s just her own natural beauty, obviously,” Kiriyama grinned, pointing her camera at the stage.
“We haven’t seen all the contestants, and it’ll depend heavily on how many vote for her... but I think it’s safe to say we’ve won,” Inaba smirked.
And while normally Taichi might’ve scolded her for getting ahead of herself, in this case, there was no doubt in his mind that she was right.
□■□
At Yamaboshi High School, it was strictly forbidden to run in the hallways. Taichi knew this, of course, but nevertheless there he was, running just fast enough that he wouldn’t crash into anyone.
Beside him were Kiriyama and Aoki, still dressed in the same traditional happi coats they had worn during their dance performance.
Thus far, all had gone according to plan—but now Operation Bulletin Blitz had hit its first critical snag. In a few minutes the main stage would announce the winners of the Miss Yamaboshi Pageant, at which point they were scheduled to dump the Culture Bulletin from the rooftop, but literally everyone was running late, and now there was a strong chance they wouldn’t make it in time.
“How is it you two got held up?! I thought you said you’d have plenty of time!” Taichi exclaimed at the others.
“We didn’t... know there... would be... an encore...!” Aoki wheezed. After two back-to-back dance performances, this last-minute sprint had him completely out of breath. “Wh... What about... you...? I thought you... said your... shift would... end early...!”
“It was supposed to, but people kept asking me for help...”
At this, Kiriyama sighed heavily. “Your helper-itis strikes again...”
Unlike Aoki, two dance performances had barely put a dent in her stamina. Though she had long since quit karate, she was clearly still in better shape than a majority of the other students.
But then, three men appeared before them, each with a build like a rugby player, each wearing a frilly apron. They seemed to serve as gatekeepers, blocking off the hall.
“You three! I’ll bet you’re all starving, aren’t you?”
“Oh, they’re starving, alright!”
“Table for three, coming right up!”
The men spoke one after another, with phony customer-service smiles plastered on their faces.
“The combo meal at our cafe is a total bargain!”
“Let’s go with that!”
“Hey, chef! Three combo meals!”
Taichi hit the brakes and came to a stop. “Wh... What’s going on...?”
The other two followed suit.
“I’ve heard rumors about this... It’s a tactic where they start aggressively pursuing customers near the end of the festival so they can use up all their ingredients. Plenty of clubs run food stalls, so a lot of the time it’s their only option if they want to compete. Totally not cool,” Kiriyama muttered, looking somewhere between impressed and disgusted.
Meanwhile, the three apron-men were closing in. There was no chance they’d let their prey slip past them... and it would cost them too much time to loop back and take a different route.
So what was it Taichi could contribute to the team?
“I’ll be the decoy. You guys sneak past while they’re distracted, and I’ll catch up later.”
“Decoy? Oh, brother... Alright, wise guy, let’s hear your plan.” Kiriyama sounded more than a little annoyed.
“My plan? Well, obviously I’ll just eat the combo meal. Or all three, if I have to. That way it helps their cafe, too.”
She sighed. “You really are stupid, aren’t you? God, how can one guy be such a pushover?! Who cares about helping their cafe right now?!” She had gone from annoyed to furious, and Taichi winced. “Forget it. We are NOT doing that, okay?! We’re already shorthanded with Iori gone... We just don’t have time!”
“Then what do we do?”
“I’ll be the decoy. I’ll draw their attention, and you guys run past them. Got it?”
“No! Don’t sacrifice yourself, Yui!” Aoki shouted dramatically.
“Trust me, I’ll be fine. Who do you take me for? Now then... here we go!”
Without even waiting for their counter-argument, Kiriyama bolted forward toward the apron-men, looking pitifully petite in contrast with their hulking figures.
“Nngh... Taichi... Haah... haah... We gotta go!” Aoki shouted as he took off running.
Taichi had no choice but to follow him. After all, he couldn’t let Kiriyama’s sacrifice go to waste.
“Whoa there, missy!”
“Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
“The entrance is that way!”
Sure enough, her drastic measure had caught their attention... and while they were distracted, Taichi and Aoki slipped right on past them.
“What the?!”
“Damn!”
“We’ve been had!”
The apron-men spun around, but it was already too late.
Taichi glanced back at Kiriyama. She looked a tiny bit frightened... but her gaze was sharp, piercing, and most of all, burning with the spirit of a warrior. Their only option was to believe in her. Surely her karate skills weren’t that rusty—
“We’ll have to settle for this one... Gotcha!”
But that was the moment Taichi overheard the worst possible statement. He couldn’t believe his ears. They caught Kiriyama? He stopped short and whirled around—
“Wh... It was just an after-image?!”
They’re just joking about that, right? Kiriyama can’t actually move that fast... right?
Telling himself the apron-men were just good sports who were playing along, Taichi took off running once more... and a split-second later, Kiriyama jogged up beside him. When he looked over at her, she shot him a mischievous grin and gave him a thumbs-up.
“Damn, girl, you rock! I’m in love all over again!” Aoki shouted, his exhaustion miraculously cured.
As always, it was downright frightening just how much Kiriyama was capable of.
□■□
And so they managed to make it in time, thanks in part to the pageant’s own delays. When they arrived, Inaba was already waiting for them; now all that was left was to retrieve the prints of the Culture Bulletin from the classroom directly beneath them, then get the fireworks ready...
Or so they thought.
For when they reached the roof, they discovered a far greater crisis than the one they had just escaped.
“How did this happen?!” Taichi hissed at Inaba, taking care to keep his voice down.
“Well, we had to go and get permission from the Festival Committee for the fireworks and the, uh... confetti. And when we explained it to them, they told us we’d need a teacher to supervise us... I wish I’d known about this ahead of time, goddamnit...!” Inaba spat venomously, her gaze fixed on their delegated babysitter.
This babysitter was, of course, none other than Tanaka-sensei, social studies teacher and one half of the very scandal they were about to blow the whistle on.
At the moment, he was quietly watching as Kiriyama and Aoki set up the fireworks; as usual, he wore a disgruntled look on his face like someone had taken away his birthday.
“Looks like the fireworks are ready to go, but... what are we going to do about the Culture Bulletin with Tanaka-sensei breathing down our necks...?” Taichi couldn’t imagine he would sit back and let them pass out photos of him holding hands with a fellow colleague.
“There’s no way. He’ll snatch them right out of our hands, guaranteed. Ugh... With him around, we’re dead in the water...” Normally Inaba was always confident to the point of arrogance, but this setback had her hanging her head in despondence.
“This can’t be happening...”
Taichi couldn’t believe what he was seeing—
“Buuut... do you really think I’m just gonna lie down and accept defeat? Take a wild guess.”
In a blink, her despair had vanished, and in its place was what Taichi could only describe as a shit-eating grin.
“Knowing you? Absolutely not.” Internally he scoffed at himself for ever thinking she’d thrown in the towel. This was Inaba. Once she committed to something, she would do whatever it took to make it happen.
“Got any ideas?”
“Of course I do. I’ve got the perfect plan to briefly get Tanaka out of our hair—and we’ll make it look like an accident, mostly.”
“Mostly? Should I be concerned?” he muttered, praying her sense of reason was still intact.
“The only thing is, we’ll need everyone to work together... and it’ll be risky.”
“You know I’ll do everything in my power to help,” Taichi answered immediately, his tone firm. “And no matter the risk, we all know you’ll have our backs.”
Inaba froze for a moment. Then she looked down at the ground and laughed. Somehow, her smile felt a bit different then... More gentle, perhaps.
“Yeah, you’re right... That said, I don’t need your help with this one.”
“...You don’t?”
Now he felt stupid for getting all worked up about it.
“Okay, fine. You can be my gofer. First, get Yui and Aoki over here. Then I’m gonna have you casually adjust the location of the emergency water bucket. I’m counting on you, gofer!”
“Gofer... Great...” Taichi muttered under his breath as he carried out her orders.
He could see Inaba explaining her plan to Aoki and Kiriyama, the latter of whom was shaking her head desperately. Then Inaba leaned in to whisper something to her—and Kiriyama clapped a hand over her mouth. After a moment, she nodded hesitantly.
Yikes... I hope I never get on her bad side...
Just then, Inaba slapped her thigh. That must’ve been the signal, because Kiriyama and Aoki promptly walked off, nonchalantly putting some distance between them. He looked back at Inaba, waiting to see what his next instructions were, and she held up a hand in (what he interpreted as) a “stay” gesture. Then she slapped her thigh again—
“Oh no! I forgot to get the papers!” Kiriyama shouted, in the most dull and lifeless voice imaginable, as she took off running.
Naturally, Taichi’s attention shifted to her... and out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Tanaka-sensei had taken notice, too.
And then—
“Uh oh! I forgot to borrow a lighter!” Aoki exclaimed, dashing forward.
How was any of this supposed to get Tanaka-sensei out of their hair? Taichi watched with rapt attention. He could feel his palms begin to sweat
And then something truly incredible happened.
“OH NO! I TRIPPED!” Aoki shouted as he fell flat on the ground, limbs splayed in a spectacular fashion. Before Taichi could react, next came Kiriyama, running at full speed, with Aoki lying directly in her path.
“Oh no! Look out!” she shouted. Just when it looked like Aoki was about to get trampled, she leapt into the air and soared over him... but her momentum kept her stumbling forward. “Whoa whoa whoa...!” she exclaimed, struggling to hit the brakes.
Just ahead of her was the emergency water bucket—
Instantly, Taichi had a terrible feeling he knew exactly what was about to happen next.
Struggling to comprehend how a plan this stupid could possibly work, he could only watch to see if his prediction was right. And sure enough—
“Tanaka-sensei! Get out of the way! ...Because here I come!”
With a (partially incriminating) warning cry, Kiriyama kicked the water bucket into the air!
Oh my god! This is so stupid!
Fortunately, the bucket itself didn’t hit anyone—but its contents were summarily dumped all over Tanaka-sensei. It was too perfect to be a coincidence. Good lord, what a ballsy plan.
“Sensei, are you okay?!” Inaba shouted in faux-panic as she rushed over. “Oh no, you’re soaked... We need to get you out of those wet clothes! Do you have anything else you can wear?”
“Brrrr... A change of clothes, you say? Sure, I have something... Look, I can’t believe I’m asking this, but... You kids didn’t do that on purpose, did y—”
“Of all the unlucky accidents! We really need to get you changed! The sooner the better!”
And with that, Inaba half-dragged Tanaka-sensei through the door and downstairs. After they were gone, the three remaining members of the CRC could only stare blankly at the door as it slowly swung shut.
After a moment, it opened again, and Inaba peeked her head out. “Hurry and get the Bulletins ready! We’re out of time!”
As for Taichi, he was starting to worry this little stunt would come back to bite them.
From there, time flew by. First, the four of them ran down to get the printouts of the Culture Bulletin. When they returned, they carefully placed the stacks so they were ready to toss at a moment’s notice. With the loudspeakers keeping them informed of the pageant’s progress, they each made sure they had two rockets apiece... and then the wait began.
Sure enough, almost as though Inaba had seen the future—
“...And so, without further ado, our first-year Miss Yamaboshi is... contestant #4, Nagase Iori from Class 1-C! Allllrighty! I’ll bet we all saw that coming, didn’t we, folks!”
Next, they announced the second-year winner, then the third-year winner. Fortunately, thanks to the overly enthusiastic emcee hamming it up and dragging everything out for comedic effect, it gave the CRC plenty of time to get completely set up... but now they were all on edge, desperately hoping the big moment would arrive before Tanaka-sensei returned. The wait had become excruciating.
Just as the pageant was finally, mercifully about to end, a familiar voice called out over the loudspeaker—
“Could I say something?” The crowd’s response was eager cheers and applause. “Hiya, folks! I’m Nagase Iori, and as of today, I’m your first-year Miss Yamaboshi! You see, I’m the president of a little club called the Cultural Research Club, and starting now, we’d like to hold a special event just for you! Everyone, look up!”
At this, the rest of the CRC lit their rockets. With a whoosh, they shot off into the sky and exploded into bright colors—louder and more smoky than the four of them had anticipated. But they pressed on regardless, and on Inaba’s signal, they began to drop the Culture Bulletins from the roof.
One by one, the fruits of their labor rained down on the crowd, bearing a large photograph of their teachers caught in a tryst.
Cheers broke out... followed by gasps.
“This is our monthly Culture Bulletin! New readers always welcome!”
And with that, their mission had ended in perfect success. All that was left now was to sit back... and enjoy the fireworks.
Taichi had no way of knowing what would happen from here, but the next thing he knew, he was laughing. No, not just him—they were all laughing uncontrollably, clapping their hands, clutching their sides, and otherwise generally making fools of themselves. And down on the ground, he was sure Nagase was laughing right along with them, radiant as the sun, maybe even jumping for joy.
Below, they could hear voices—secretive murmurs, angry shouts, yelps of surprise, squeals of delight. And the knowledge that they had caused it made it all the funnier.
“What in god’s name is going on?!” the emcee exclaimed over the loudspeaker. “Is this article the real deal?! Oh god, it is, isn’t it? After all, our first-year Miss Yamaboshi is the club president! Huh? What do you mean, that has nothing to do with this? Screw you, pal!”
Evidently he’d picked a fight with an audience member.
“And what do you mean, ‘our sources say the two are not yet official’?! Just get together already! What are you, twelve?! What was that? ‘Hirata-sensei was my dream girl’? Pssh! You and me both, pal!”
At this point, it sounded like he’d forgotten he was still on mic.
“What? They need to decide if they’re dating or not? Trust me, I agree completely. Hmm? Make them choose right here and now?! Well, how’s about it, folks?!”
The audience went wild.
“Thank you, thank you! Now then, we need to get our would-be couple onstage, pronto! Actually... Let’s drag them up here to kick off the after-party! Alright, folks! LET’S FIND HIRATA-SENSEI AND TANAKA-SENSEI! And get that bonfire ready, on the double! LET’S GOOOOO!”
Thunderous footsteps filled the air as the crowd of students broke into a run. Powered by the enthusiastic emcee and the general giddiness that pervaded all festivals as a rule, the entire school worked in tandem to spontaneously throw together a bonus event.
...All things considered, this outcome was, perhaps, a bit excessive.
□■□
And so, under the fading rays of the setting sun, the after-party began.
A bonfire dyed the athletic grounds in a scarlet glow. Meanwhile, the energetic emcee and his crowd-turned-mob were still in full force, and soon the two teachers were cajoled into a public confession in front of not just the entire student body, but all the visiting guests as well. At first they were opposed to it—rather, Tanaka-sensei was—but the tipping point came when a large majority of the faculty members took the students’ side, urging them to “just get it over with already!”
In the end, the students got their happy ending; their efforts were rewarded with a love confession so cheesy it was almost painful, and this marked the birth of a brand new school-sanctioned teacher-teacher couple. Now the question remained: would either of them be able to teach their classes with a straight face after this?
Immediately following the end of the... ceremony(?), a few classmates took their jealousy out on Taichi, but fortunately they cooled off over time. Meanwhile, quite a few guys decided to use the romantic vibe to their advantage to spontaneously confess their own feelings. But while the big moment had everyone feeling a little emotional, surely the girls weren’t so stupid as to let that sway them...
Part of him dreaded to think what the mood in the classroom would be like come Monday morning.
Upon that thought, he spotted Inaba headed over from the school building and called out to her.
“Inaba! Where have you been? People have been jumping down my throat, asking me where we got that photo!”
“Oh, right. I bet you stuck it out like a champ. Anyway, sorry to disappear on you, but I had some stuff to take care of.”
“Like what?”
Inaba regarded his question with a scowl that said are you braindead?
“You really think we could get away with sneaking a paparazzi photo of our teachers and spreading it around the whole school without making at least some kind of apology to the people directly affected by the scandal? Is that what you think? God, you’re such a moron.”
...He couldn’t argue with that. Instead, he decided to apologize.
“Right... Sorry.”
“Hmph! Well, anyway, I got it all taken care of, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Dare I ask how you managed that...?” He found himself sorely wishing he could’ve been a fly on that wall. “Seriously, I’d love to know where you even got the pic... but I won’t ask. What made you want to make an article of it, though? You must’ve known there’d be consequences.”
It was a question that had lingered on his mind for quite some time, considering he knew how much Inaba disliked excessive effort (to the point that she would generally go to great lengths to avoid it).
After a pause, she said, “Well, I knew their feelings for each other were mutual. I knew they were just waiting for the right opportunity. And I figured if I could help that old coward, he might eventually repay me in kind... Of course, first I had to convince him it was a debt to be repaid in the first place, but that’s what the apology was for.” She smirked. “Did you know Tanaka’s got a hand in determining the budget allotment for each club? Maybe I’ll get him to adjust our funding. Heh heh heh!”
“You’re a monster...” More than ever, he was dying to know where she got her information. “So you were just doing it for your own benefit?” He laughed. That’s our Inaba, I guess.
But she didn’t seem to hear him.
“...Then again, that’s not the only reason. Part of me just wanted to goof off with you guys,” she muttered. “After all, if I were purely after a budget increase, there’s plenty of other ways I could go about it.”
This wasn’t quite what he had expected to hear from Inaba of all people. “I didn’t realize you thought that way.”
“Goof off” wasn’t a phrase he generally associated with a pragmatist like her... but somehow it made him smile. She wanted to have fun with us.
Instantly, she blushed bright red. “HEY! Don’t you smirk at me, mister! Wipe that sick grin off your face!”
“What’s wrong? Embarrassed?”
“I am NOT embarrassed!”
But her frustration only made him grin all the more.
“I told you, quit smirking at me! Rrrgh! Goddamnit! I always end up running my mouth when I’m with you!” She clutched at her hair, pouting slightly. “...Huh? Oh, Iori’s calling for you. Get over there, Taichi! Run along, now! Shoo!”
Taichi turned to find Nagase, now changed out of her yukata and back into her school uniform, jogging over. When he spotted her, she waved at him.
“I’ll make myself scarce. See ya.” She was hardly a third wheel, and yet she walked off regardless.
Meanwhile, Nagase came to a stop in front of him. “Sorry it took so long! A bunch of people asked me out for some reason!”
This nearly gave him a heart attack. “For some reason?! Yeah, right! Who was it?! Dudes from our class?!”
“Some of ‘em were, yeah. Not all of ‘em, though.”
“...So how’d it go?” he asked nervously.
“Oh, I shot ‘em all down, easy!”
“Don’t say it was easy! Have some respect!” he retorted, and yet somehow he felt relieved to hear it... but why?
“I mean, I’m glad they like me so much, and it’s not like I hate them for it or anything... I’m just not sure I’m... up for it, y’know? Not sure I’m capable of it,” she finished in a shaky, fragile voice, her carefree attitude suddenly gone.
It was such a sudden, drastic change, Taichi wasn’t sure how to handle it... but then she bounced back like it was nothing.
“Aaanyways! We sure kicked butt today, didn’t we?! We put on a heck of a show, made someone’s fairytale romance come true... and just look at the aftermath! Love is in the air! I’m tellin’ ya, this is one for the history books!” With a grin, she held up her fingers in a V for victory.
“Yeah, for sure... Even I’m a little touched.” He never dreamed that they could create this domino effect... bring so many people together... inspire change.
“The five of us made this happen as a team,” Nagase declared, an expression of contentment on her face.
“Ordinarily I’d love to agree with you, but... I don’t think I really contributed much this time around...”
“I mean, okay, Inaban was obviously the brains of the operation, and Aoki made a great suggestion, and I kicked butt in the pageant, and I’m told Yui got up to all sorts of trouble today... I guess by comparison, yeah, you were kinda just there!”
“Guh...!” He clutched his chest. He knew it was true, of course, but it still hurt to have someone else say it to his face.
Nagase snickered. “But I still think you’re the most important member of the club. We need you.” Her frighteningly beautiful eyes gazed into his. “Sure, sometimes someone else has a turn in the spotlight, but when it comes down to it, the one who seems the most useless is often the key player, y’know?”
“They are?”
“Not all the time. Just sometimes.”
“...Are you trying to cheer me up or not?”
Nagase laughed, her smile brighter than any bonfire. “Look, I don’t know about anyone else, but I definitely couldn’t have done what I did without you... Wait, huh? Is that weird?” She tilted her head, puzzled. “Well, anyway, I think it’s pretty safe to say things would’ve worked out differently if our group was even slightly different from the five we have now. Like the butterfly effect or whatever! Sometimes all that matters is having the right people by your side.”
“You can be really deep sometimes, you know that?” He felt like he was seeing her in a whole new light.
“Wait... Was I not supposed to be deep right now?! Oh, I guess not. This is a festival, after all! In that case, let’s go track down the others! We gotta wrap things up as a club!”
“Wrap what up, exactly...?”
But she grabbed his arm and took off running regardless... so he followed after her, spurred on by the soft, warm hand against his skin.
Together they ran through the night air, through crowds of people, all of them smiling... and some of those smiles had surely been inspired by the CRC. Naturally, this thought put a smile on Taichi’s face, too—and now he was part of the crowd.
He didn’t know if he was actually a “key player,” but tonight, just tonight, while spirits were high, he was willing to let himself believe it.