Chapter 6: The Starring Role

Chapter 6: The Starring Role

After eating lunch with friends, Enjouji Shino had left the cafeteria with the rest of the group and was headed back to the classroom when she spotted three of her senpai from the Cultural Research Club—Nagase Iori, Inaba Himeko, and Aoki Yoshifumi—out in the courtyard.

Shino felt an impulse to go and talk to them... so she told her friends to go on without her.

And yet, no matter how badly her heart longed to run over to them, her body refused to cooperate. Her feet remained firmly planted on the ground, almost as though they’d taken root. So instead she stared at them, willing them to notice her instead. They were talking amongst themselves, but at this distance, she couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Once again, here she was, standing on the sidelines... but this time, she was keeping her distance for an entirely different reason.

Then, another CRC senpai passed by—Kiriyama Yui, walking with (presumably) her friend. Normally Yui would dash right over to chat with her fellow clubmates... but today she simply inclined her head in a half-hearted greeting and kept on walking.

Almost like they weren’t friends but mere acquaintances.

The other senpai didn’t take this well. Nagase looked disappointed, Inaba looked hurt, and Aoki looked like he was ready to tear his hair out.

They all used to shine so brightly... but now all their light had been snuffed out. One of their perfect friendships had been spirited away—not damaged, but erased.

As Yui and her friend drew near, Shino could make out part of their conversation:

“Look, Yui, did something happen with your club? It feels like there’s something going on with you guys.”

“N-No, everything’s fine. Nothing’s going on, Yukina.”

“I’m not sure I buy that... You haven’t been talking to Iori or Yaegashi in class, either.”

“You’re just overthinking things. Seriously, don’t worry about it... Please.”

“Well, I guess if you reeeally want me to drop it, then I’d better drop it... Just remember, you can come to me if you ever need to talk.”

That was when Shino made eye contact with Yui’s friend. Now that she wasn’t so far away, Shino recognized her as the track member who got permission for the CRC to join their April marathon, back before the first-years had officially joined.

When the other girl recognized her, her lips curled in a grin, flashing her pearly whites. Shino hastily bowed in return. To think the other girl would remember her... It was an honor she hadn’t been expecting.

But as for Yui... She merely afforded Shino a small glance as she walked past. No smile. No nod. No greeting.

Almost like they were strangers... like two ships passing in the night.

□■□■□

Yaegashi Taichi and Kiriyama Yui had lost all of their memories pertaining to the Cultural Research Club.

Shino didn’t know what had happened between them or what could have caused it. All she knew was that at some point the two of them had passed out, and when they awoke, those memories were gone.

Honestly speaking, retrograde amnesia was probably best treated at a hospital, but for some reason the other CRC senpai all insisted that wouldn’t be necessary. After all, the amnesia itself was fairly limited, and—they didn’t say this part explicitly, but—the implication was that they had an idea of what could have caused it.

It was like someone had reached into their brains and neatly trimmed out everything tied to the Cultural Research Club, including any events or relationships connected to it. Conversely, this meant that they remembered everything else just fine—which was fortunate, as it meant their daily lives weren’t directly impacted.

Fortunately, Taichi and Yui still remembered the rest of the second-years, though not as clubmates but as students in the same grade. Because of this, their fellow classmates were more likely to see the drastic shift in closeness as “strained friendships” rather than capital-A amnesia.

Unfortunately, anyone who had met either Taichi or Yui solely through the CRC—namely, Uwa Chihiro and Shino herself—had been wiped from the two second-years’ minds completely. The sole exception to this was Chihiro and Yui, who had attended the same karate dojo for years prior. But Shino wasn’t as fortunate. She had been erased from both of the second-years’ minds.

Not much she could do about it now, of course. She knew that.

Shino thought back to everything Iori, Inaba, and Aoki had told her.

According to them, Taichi and Yui didn’t see themselves as having amnesia—which made sense, because they wouldn’t remember enough to know that anything was amiss. Naturally, this led one to wonder what club they thought they were in, if not the CRC. Well, when they asked Taichi and Yui about this, they both claimed they had received special permission to create single-member clubs—the Style Club for Yui, and the Pro Wrestling Research Club (whatever that entailed) for Taichi. Their brains had come up with the perfect fabrication to smooth out the wrinkles.

Naturally, the other second-years didn’t sit back and accept this. They immediately started to recount old stories and show them old articles they’d written for the Culture Bulletin... but this produced no results. Each time they tried, Taichi and Yui would clutch their heads in agony—a pain so strong, they could no longer speak.

The two of them recognized that everyone else associated them with the Cultural Research Club, and they had a latent understanding that they were “possibly forgetting something,” but any attempt to ruminate too deeply on the subject would give them splitting headaches.

In short, even without their memories of the CRC, Taichi and Yui were still able to live normal teenage lives.

After the second-years (mainly Inaba) had finished explaining all this to Shino and Chihiro, there was a point near the end in which Inaba had stated, “I know this is hard to believe, and I know you probably still want us to take them to the hospital anyway, but... I wanted to be open with you, because I doubt we could keep this shit hidden for long.”

But although Inaba seemed anxious, Shino was firm.

“Don’t worry, I believe you.”

She didn’t have a choice, after all.

But this conversation had happened too late. Her one chance to actually come to believe it had long since come and gone.

One could argue that she was innocent. After all, she had taken no direct action of her own. But through her inaction as a passive bystander—especially one who knew better—she had essentially sided with the perpetrator. And that meant she was just as guilty. She was complicit in destroying the beautiful world she once knew.

Perhaps she was every bit as spineless and useless as she claimed.

□■□■□

That morning, I summoned all of my courage and went after Chihiro. No longer could I put my head in the sand and ignore it.

I had made numerous attempts thus far, all of them ending in Chihiro’s escape... but this time, I promised myself, I was going to try really, really hard. This was my responsibility, and it was up to me to see it through.

“Ch... Chihiro-kun!”

I had turned over a new leaf. For real this time. I was prepared.

There in the deserted hallway, Chihiro wordlessly turned back to face me.

“Eeek...!” Reflexively, I let out a little shriek.

His expression was hostile, his eyes glassy, and beneath them were a pair of pronounced dark circles. His whole face was gaunt, like a sick person... or worse.

I could tell he was at his breaking point... and I knew exactly what was breaking him.

“Um... Our senpai sure are having a rough time, huh?” I offered.

At first, he didn’t respond—just stared at me with those dead, empty eyes.

“I... I think there’s gotta be a root cause behind all this... Wait... Oh, right, I guess pretty much everything has a cause... That’s how science works... Oh, um, but that’s not what I meant...”

Gosh, what am I saying? I’m confusing myself at this point!

“The... the... the point is...” I swallowed hard.

Chihiro didn’t move an inch. Almost like a zombie or something.

“You... um...”

Don’t chicken out. You have to stand your ground!

I felt my eyes grow hot.

“You wouldn’t happen to... be involved... by any chance, would you...?”

You know... involved with that... THING. If it even really exists.

The blood drained from Chihiro’s face as shock and fear set in. That one look told me everything I needed to know. It wasn’t a dream or an illusion. It wasn’t all in my head. And I was wrong to tell myself it “wasn’t my business.”

It was real. All of it.

“...E-Excuse me? The hell are you saying?” Chihiro shot back after a long and obvious pause.

“Well... maybe the reason Taichi-senpai and Yui-senpai lost their memories... is because you-know-what is involved... and maybe you’re working with it.”

“That’s your little hypothesis? Is that it?”

His gaze honed in on me as his eyes narrowed, his glare made ever more effective paired with his ghastly complexion. I shrank back, but he leaned in, a deranged look in his eyes.

“Enlighten me, Enjouji. What exactly do you think is going on here?”

One thing was for certain: right now, Chihiro wasn’t safe to be around.

“Have you talked to him, too?”

Oh god, what if he erases my memory, too? The instant this thought crossed my mind, my entire body froze. I don’t know him. Never met him. I don’t know anything, and I don’t want to.

“Wh... Who are you talking about?” I asked—a stupid question, considering I was the one who brought it up in the first place. My lips curled into a sheepish smile. All of this purely on instinct. It was a conditioned reflex ingrained in me over the course of many, many years... like a stain I couldn’t wash out.

How stupid I must’ve looked to Chihiro in that moment.

“Forget it.”

He wants to drop the issue. He’s pushing me away. Just like the rest of this planet.

“You don’t know him, right?”

No... He’s not just dropping the issue. He’s cutting me off.

“Right?”

Before I knew it, I was nodding. I didn’t have a choice. I was just going through the motions, floating along the path the world had predetermined for me, like a glorified puppet.

“That’s what I thought.” Chihiro smirked darkly and stepped away, signaling that our conversation was over.

What am I doing? This isn’t what I wanted. Didn’t I promise myself things would be different this time?

Maybe it was too late now... but I didn’t care. I ran after him.

“Ch... Chihiro-kun!”

“What is it this time?”

“Umm... Does the name «Heartseed»—Aagh!”

With frightening strength, he seized me by my uniform bow tie and pulled me in close, his bloodshot eyes blazing. “Don’t you dare speak that name.”

Fearing for my physical safety, I nodded my assent, trembling. He tightened his grip on my tie, crushing it, pulling it tight around my windpipe. Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes. I was shaking so bad, it was making Chihiro’s hand shake with me... No, that’s not right. It’s not me, it’s him! Wait, what?

With his hand seizing me by the collar, he was clearly in the dominant, threatening position... but somehow it felt like he was the one crying out for help. And for some reason, this inspired me to take action. I was going to make a stand.

“Ch... Chihiro-kun, listen... I can’t turn away from it anymore! I met «Heartseed», just like y—hgghh!”

“I told you, DON’T SAY ITS NAME!” he screamed in my face.

Stop! You’re scaring me!

“Hnn... nnnnn...” Tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn’t breathe—not because he was choking me, but because I was too scared to move.

Before I could find my words again, however, he flung me loose. “Stay away from me,” he spat, then turned and walked away.

After that, no matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t get Chihiro to talk to me.

The truth is that I, Enjouji Shino, once met «Heartseed» while it was possessing the body of Gotou Ryuuzen.

I was out walking the dog one day when it turned up out of nowhere and spoke to me. It showed me proof of its power to convince me that it wasn’t just Gotou doing a silly voice—it was something else borrowing his body. Then it told me it would give me one of these mysterious powers... so long as I agreed to use it against the CRC quintet.

When I got scared and refused, it tried to reassure me by telling me Uwa Chihiro would be on my side... but I was still too scared to accept. Instead, I took off running.

Later, I convinced myself I’d daydreamed the whole thing. I mean, how could something like that possibly be real? It wasn’t merely beyond my capacity. It was a crushing weight, and I didn’t want it resting on my shoulders. So I pretended it never happened. I told myself it was fiction and ejected it from my reality. I averted my eyes from the truth.

But Chihiro, when presented with the same opportunity, had made a different choice. He took action.

I didn’t pay attention to «Heartseed»’s explanation of how its power worked, so I only have a vague idea. And right now, that isn’t enough information to help me decide what to do about it. So the first step to finding a solution is to get Chihiro’s side of the story.

“Finding a solution”... I must sound so arrogant. I can’t even manage to hold a conversation with Chihiro, and that’s the first step. No matter what I try to do, it never changes anything. Enjouji Shino will always be a background NPC.

I was really going to try my hardest today. I wanted to stand up and fight. But I just... can’t.

After school, we all headed out to the athletic field in our gym clothes for Sports Festival practice. There, I spotted Inaba, Nagase, and Aoki all standing together in a group. They did that a lot these days.

“Hi, senpai! Are we having club tod—?”

“No. Sorry. No club today,” Inaba cut in brusquely. She seemed like she was in a bad mood... Then she faltered. “Look, uh... It’s not your fault, alright? Don’t let it get you down. It’s just... We might not be able to do club activities for a while. I’m sorry.” Her tone was softer now. Maybe she felt guilty for being so curt with me.

“Oh, no, um, th-that’s okay... It’s fine...”

“Sorry, Shino-chan.” Nagase came over and gave me a soft, reassuring hug. Her usual goofy cheer was nowhere to be seen.

“Just double-checking, but you’re sure you haven’t had any weird stuff happen to you? Anyone say or do anything that didn’t feel right?” Aoki asked.

“N-No, I think I’m fine,” I answered, since it was technically true. If anything, I was a perpetrator, not a victim.

Even after everything they’d been through, my senpai still had the energy to worry about me and Chihiro. They were so sweet and kind, it brought tears to my eyes and made my chest ache.

Although I could hazard a guess at what was going on behind the scenes, I still hadn’t told them about «Heartseed» or Chihiro, and at this point it felt like I was hiding it from them deliberately. But somehow, I just didn’t think they’d believe me. Plus, «Heartseed» itself had warned me not to go telling people about it “for the sake of everyone involved.” That was why I felt I needed to hash things out with Chihiro, since he was bound to have a better understanding of the situation than I did.

Until then, I couldn’t in good conscience pledge my support to the three of them.

I pulled away from Nagase’s soft curves and took a step back, staring at the ground with a faint smile. “I’m sad we won’t have club activities, but I understand why, so...”

The three second-years apologized to me again, and I insisted it was fine. “Fine”? What could possibly be “fine” about this?

Just then, Yaegashi Taichi and Kiriyama Yui walked up together... heading in our direction.

“Taichi!”

“Yui!”

Instantly, Inaba and Aoki lit up like fireworks, while Nagase balled her hands into fists. My heart fluttering in my chest, I looked back at Taichi and Yui. After losing their memories, the two of them should have been reduced to mere classmates in each other’s eyes, and yet they were walking side by side, as if they’d gone back to the way they were meant to be.

My chest filled with hope. Maybe this tragedy was all just a bad dream—

Then the two of them noticed the four of us. Grimacing awkwardly, Taichi headed off to the right and Yui went left, giving our group a wide berth as they headed to the center of the athletic field.

And just like that, they were gone. The pentagon was still broken.

Now more than ever, I realized just how badly it hurt that the two of them were avoiding the others.

“Tai...chi...” Inaba called weakly, her hand closing on empty air. As lovers, the two of them had been head over heels for each other, and now they weren’t even on speaking terms. The whole relationship was just... gone. Erased.

After a moment, Inaba collapsed to the ground.

“Inaban?!” Nagase rushed over to help her up.

“Oh... Sorry... My legs kinda gave out there...”

The three of them were trying to be strong, but their hearts had all reached the breaking point, and it was only a matter of time before everything came crumbling down.

I shouldn’t watch this, I thought, and turned away.

The CRC quintet was so powerful... I refused to believe they were at the end of their rope. For a weakling like me, they were all I had to believe in. I needed them to resolve this in my place.

Not like it was all riding on me or anything. I could never handle that. It just wasn’t possible.

I had longed to be a part of that pentagon. And when me and Chihiro joined, it became a heptagon. Everything seemed to be going well, but on the inside, I was worried my presence would upset the natural balance of things.

Then the heptagon broke. Two people left, leaving only five once again. Almost like me and Chihiro were their replacements. Almost as though I had gotten my wish in the worst possible way.

This wasn’t what I wanted. Not at all.

It felt like the Yamaboshi High School Cultural Research Club was only allowed to be a quintet, nothing more and nothing less. Was that its destiny?

I tried my best, but once again, fate stuck me with the short end of the stick.

Despite the fact that no one was looking at me anymore, I bowed my head politely and hurried away.

Once the Sports Festival practice was underway, each team’s cheerleading squad split off for rehearsal.

Inaba, Aoki, and I were all on Green Team, and our progress was slower than molasses. We were divided into two performances, one with just the third-years and one with both the first- and second-years, and the latter of the two was a complete mess. The main reason for this was because my class, 1-B, was entirely unmotivated, but today was especially bad. Inaba’s usually snappy direction was slow and unfocused; meanwhile, Aoki was supposed to be acting as the “hype man” of sorts, but his energy was pathetically low.

“Alright, let’s go over the choreography one more time...”

“Look alive, people! Brisk movements!”

The second-years were doing their best, but there was simply no overcoming the dull, lifeless vibe exuded by the first-years. We were all sluggish, like a herd of zombies.

“Man, this sucks...”

“It’s so hot...”

“I freaking hate this...”

“Screw this cheerleading shit...”

All around me, people were grumbling complaints. The comments themselves were quiet, but when overlapped with everyone else’s, they formed a bitter, resentful atmosphere that slowly but surely took on a weight of its own. It wasn’t even directed at me, and yet I felt sick to my stomach. My mood was in a tailspin.

I hate this. I want to go home.

But although I kept these thoughts to myself, that negative energy was still there, contributing to the misery. Once again, in my inaction, I had become a perpetrator. But that knowledge didn’t change anything. I was still paralyzed. Or at least, I was pretending to be, all the while not lifting a finger to stop what I knew was coming.

Everyone else is doing it, too. It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not my fault.

But then, a particularly uncoordinated member of the cheerleading representatives caught my eye up front. It was Uwa Chihiro, radiating a dark aura that seemed to drain the energy of all those around him.

I was entirely unrelated to the CRC’s current crisis. Chihiro, on the other hand, was behind it all. It was his fault. And yet...

...Once again, in my inaction, I had become a perpetrator.

□■□■□

I really do hate myself sometimes.

After Sports Festival practice ends and I change back into my uniform, I head up to the roof of the East Wing and gaze out across campus. After today, I feel like a total failure.

I wanted a private place to put my thoughts together for a while. Granted, the roof isn’t exactly private—there are a few other people up here—but none of them are paying attention, thank goodness.

A sheet of clouds now covers the sky, blocking some of the heat. I lean against the fence and exhale.

I’m such a pathetic loser. My heart sincerely wants to keep trying, but every time I do, I find myself once again bogged down by spineless hesitation.

Just this morning, I was practically brimming with determination. I thought I’d finally made up my mind for real. Told myself I’d turned over a new leaf. But that resolve didn’t even last half a day.

I convinced myself it was my responsibility... that it was up to me to handle it... but then my stupid passive brain took over and passed it all off onto everyone else. How many times have I gone through this same exact thing?

I’ve compared my life to a lot of different media—movies, manga, novels, self-help books—and each time I come away inspired to change something. Be more positive. Exercise more. Study more. Make new friends. Spice up my life. Be more popular. Be happy.

I want to change. I feel like I need to. So I make an attempt. But when it comes to pursuing my ideals, I never get very far. I make it about three steps, stall for a while, then eventually end up right where I started. It’s almost like there’s an invisible wall, and only the chosen few are allowed to make it past that point... Maybe I’m just not one of those people. Maybe that’s why I can’t change.

When I enrolled at Yamaboshi, I knew the after-school club I chose would greatly affect the outcome of my high school life... so I summoned up all my courage and made an effort to approach people who were decidedly out of my league, all for the sake of working toward a more ideal me.

That’s a step forward.

Then I finally admitted to myself that the monstrous entity known as «Heartseed» was real. That’s another step.

I even sought out Chihiro, even though he scares me, all because I wanted to work toward a solution. That’s another step.

I’m clearly trying. I’m making an effort. But no matter how many steps I take, I never accomplish anything. It makes me think maybe I can’t actually do anything at all. Maybe I don’t matter, and so I’ll never have an impact on anything.

Then what’s even the point of me being alive?

I look down at the ground through the fence. I’m so high up... If I climbed over this fence and jumped off, I could smash myself into paste on the concrete, and then I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore—

Wait, what am I thinking? Don’t even joke about that!

Spooked, I back away from the fence.

But just then, I spot someone who looks like Iori down in the courtyard. I squint for a better look. Sure enough, it’s her... and Inaba and Aoki are with her. As usual, it looks like they’re talking about something.

I gaze down at the tiny figures from high above. From this point of view, even my perfect senpai look miniscule, and I’m reminded that they really are just human. Is this how God sees us, too? If so, I bet we all look really stupid, unwittingly trying to fight against the predetermined outcome into which we’ve been railroaded. Instead of just going with the flow, we struggle upstream, needlessly hurting ourselves in the process. Why bother?

Meanwhile, down on the ground, my itty-bitty senpai suddenly dash off in unison, each headed in a different direction. Did they decide on a plan of action, or are they dealing with something else entirely?

Inaba runs to the North Wing, Iori to the East Wing, and Aoki to the school gates. From where I’m standing, they look so small... and yet they run with confidence, firm and unwavering. I was wrong—they’re not small at all. They have significance. Their actions mean something.

Why? How? I don’t know. Theoretically they shouldn’t. By all appearances, they were miniscule... and yet at the same time they were big and bright and dazzling.

Why? How? What’s your secret? Someone please explain it to me so I can replicate it.

—Isn’t that why you joined the CRC? Weren’t you planning to discover it for yourself?

I think back to how I felt back then.

I’ve already taken the first step. Even I’m capable of that much. Sure, I might stall at the second or third step, but at least I’ve gotten this far, right?

Can’t I just... try again?

Yeah... Maybe I can.

I head down the staircase and across the hall. My destination: Rec Hall Room 401.

I’m going to make a stand. I’m going to change, I tell myself silently. I can’t stay like this, that’s for sure. I need to psych myself up. So I’m going to the clubroom. I’ll think back to the time I first found my courage... and everything my senpai have taught me since then.

Arriving at the Rec Hall, I head up the stairs. Time to get some kindling and light a fire in my heart... a fire that will empower me to fight on.

—Haven’t you already tried this a dozen times? my pessimist brain retorts. And didn’t you fail spectacularly every single time?

Yeah, well, this time it’s going to be different.

—Gee, where have I heard that one before?

I know. I’ve said it a million times, only to ultimately prove myself wrong. I get that.

—Why don’t you just give it up already?

I don’t want to give up. It’s not game over unless I let it be.

—You’re just dragging out the inevitable. The “new beginning” you seek is never gonna happen.

Sure. Maybe it won’t.

—You realize your inaction brought this tragedy on everyone, right?

Yeah, I do. After what I let happen to Taichi and Yui, and all the suffering I brought onto the others, I understand the weight of my choices.

As I climb the stairs, my legs grown leaden, and I feel myself hesitate.

But right now, I’m not the only one fighting. There are three people out there who have it a lot worse than I do, and they’re still giving it everything they’ve got. They know the clouds can’t block out their sunshine forever.

And if they can do it, I can, too. Come on, me. Just follow the light.

One more step... Now another... Almost there... I repeat the words like a mantra as I will myself up the stairs. I feel the urge to cry, but I keep going. I can’t stop now.

Who cares if I can’t do it, if I’m out of my depth, if I can’t change? Maybe I’m pathetic, but so what? I’m going to do this anyway. For as long as it takes. Again and again and again.

Normally, this was the part where I would hit my third step and come to a standstill. Yes, that’s what would usually happen. But as it turned out, this time was different. As of right now, the usual routine was already derailed.

How do I know this?

Because Yaegashi Taichi was standing outside the clubroom.

—If you get your motivation from seeing him, it doesn’t really count as doing it on your own anymore, don’t you think?

Shush! Enough! We’ll come back to that later! Because if he’s here at the clubroom... maybe it means he got his memories back! Gosh, I hope so!

Sensing my presence, Taichi turns toward me, and our eyes meet. How long has it been since he last registered my presence?

“Oh, are you part of this club? Sorry to bother you! I know it’s not my place, but for some reason I just... really wanted to stop by... I don’t really get it. Some of my classmates are saying I’ve lost my memories... Actually, never m—Whoa!”

“TAICHI-SENPAAAAI!” My emotions swell up all at once, and I fling my arms around him, wailing. From his perspective, he must’ve been startled to have some random girl throw herself at him.

Then he drags me up to the deserted Rec Hall rooftop, and I realize he probably didn’t want to risk anyone seeing us.

“L-Listen, um... I... I’m sorry I invaded your personal space!” I bowed my head in shame of my presumptuous behavior. My emotions had, thankfully, calmed down a bit.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. Just... don’t sue me for sexual harassment, okay?” He bowed back. Wait, why would he apologize?

“No, no! This was entirely my fault.”

“No, no! That’s not true. I’m partially to blame.”

“No, really...”

“No, really...”

“No, really...”

“...Can we give it a rest now?”

“Oh! R-Right! Sorry, Taichi-senpai!”

And so, with his help, our fruitless Japanese apology battle finally comes to an end.

“So, just to confirm: Do you know me from somewhere, miss?”

It’s been so long since I last heard his calm, soothing voice... And he even called me “miss”! I could die and go to heaven... Wait, what am I thinking?! Focus!

“Y-Yes, I do.”

“Well... I’m really sorry, but... I don’t remember you, so... How do we know each other, exactly?”

It actually really hurt to have him say that point-blank to my face.

“Oh, no, um... You don’t actually know me. It’s just a one-sided thing. I’m Enjouji Shino, from Class 1-B. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Enjouji-san, is it? Nice to meet you.”

Once again, our reset relationship begins anew. What a bizarre feeling.

Technically, Inaba told me I’m supposed to stay away from him and Yui lest I “get dragged into this mess,” but surely she’ll forgive me. After all, it’s not like I expressly hunted him down. It just sort of happened, that’s all... She’ll forgive me, right?

“So how come you were crying?”

Ah. Looks like we’re getting right to the point.

“Nngh... W-Well...”

That reminds me, Iori once told me: “Taichi’s biggest weapon is the element of surprise. That’s how he turned Inaban into Ina-bashful. Just be careful, okay, Shino-chan?”

“Umm... I’m... not sure what to say...”

“Well, I may not know you, but you certainly know me. And since we’re already here, I’d like to help you.”

Turns out Taichi is still an incredible person, with or without his memories. He took one look at a total stranger and agreed to help, no questions asked! I could never hope to compete with someone as cool as him—No, stop! We promised we’re going to make it work this time, remember?

And so I decide to tell him everything that’s on my mind... in the hopes that something, anything, will finally change.

I can’t give him the full story, obviously, so I skip the details and focus on the crux of the issue.

“Let’s see... So you’ve been trying and trying, over and over, but you feel like you can’t accomplish anything, and now you’re wondering how you can change. Is that right?”

“Y-Yeah, exactly. I’m not completely sure if changing myself is the answer... It’s just... I want to succeed at any cost...”

Now that I think about it, I realize I’m asking for help from the person

supposed to be helping. Jeez, I’m such a mess.

“So you want results, hmm?”

“See, I’ve always been pretty useless. I’m kind of a hopeless case. I try to give it my best, but I get the feeling my ‘best’ is nowhere near anyone else’s... and I don’t have any redeeming qualities to balance it out.”

“What makes you think that? Everyone has their good points, even you.”

“N-No, I really don’t! Not when you compare me to actual cool people... They’re just naturally cool, and I’m not!”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about these ‘cool people’ you speak of.”

“Well... There’s this one senpai who’s really nice. He’s so compassionate, he’ll even offer to help total strangers—oops...”

Crap! I said it right to his face! He’s gonna think I’m obsessed with him or something!

“Hmmm... You’re right. He does sound pretty cool.”

“That said, he can be pretty dense at times!” (Fortunately for me.) “And from what I’ve heard, at one point he had the two prettiest girls in school fighting over him until eventually he decided to date the smart one!”

“Man, some guys have all the luck. I hope that asshole gets what’s coming to him.”

“I agree.” No joke. “A-Anyway... so yeah, there are these cool people, and then there’s me, and I’m completely useless.”

“Wait, hold on. What do the cool people have to do with you being useless?”

“W-Well... I’m just... inadequate, in a lot of ways...”

“Okay, look. What specifically makes you think you’re so useless?”

“Huh? Well, I’m slow on the uptake, and I’m bad at school, and I’m not very athletic, and I’m a slow learner, and I’m indecisive, and I tend to get nervous and screw up... Stuff like that.”

Ugh... Now I feel bad. I’m so worthless. I bet even Taichi can tell. He must be sad to see how utterly hopeless I am—

“Oh, is that all?”

His words defy my every expectation. I stare at him in shock. I must have misheard.

“Uh... Wha...? What do you mean, is that all...?! You think it’s nothing?! Because it feels like an awful lot to me!”

“No, it’s not ‘nothing.’ Think about it this way: Sure, you’re slow on the uptake, and bad at school, and not very athletic, and a slow learner, and indecisive, and you tend to get nervous and screw up... but so what? That’s all it is.”

“ ‘So what’?! I’m pretty sure these are fatal flaws!”

“Alright, settle down. Let me ask you this: am I wrong?”

“Huh? Oh... W-Well, no... I mean, yes, technically, that’s ‘all it is,’ but... but it’s a problem!”

“I don’t see how any of those things are stopping you from accomplishing anything.”

They... aren’t? “B-But...!”

“None of those things automatically make you useless.”

He’s right... I’ve taken at least one step forward, so clearly I’m not completely useless... Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to see things through.

“To me, there’s something else that matters beyond all that. Something everyone has, deep down,” he continues.

“But... but there are so many people who can do things better than I can! They’ll finish in minutes when it takes me hours!” I blurt out, even though it’s not really a direct argument. “Those people have impact... but me, I... I’m just a forgettable bit part... I can’t do anything...!”

“You’re not a bit part, Enjouji-san. You’re the starring role.”

“The... starring role?! I can’t be the star! I’m too boring! Any story with me at the center would be a total snoozefest for everyone else!”

“So? Who cares about everyone else? It’s your story. At least, that’s what I think.”

...Do I really get to have my own story?

“Besides, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but people love stories about ordinary, ‘inadequate’ characters who go on to do great things.”

Ordinary characters doing great things... He’s right. That’s a popular narrative. But even then, the protagonist isn’t just some random person. They’re chosen for a reason. Maybe they receive a special power, or—

“Anyway, my advice is to take action.”

—or maybe they take a stand.

Suddenly, it all clicks into place. I feel like I’m onto something huge—like maybe this time really will be different. In fact, I get the feeling this just made all my struggling worthwhile. This is my big awakening. This is my revolution!

“Wait... um... Am I embarrassing myself right now? This doesn’t really feel like me... Actually, it kinda feels like I had to learn this lesson myself somehow... but when...?” He tilts his head in puzzlement, his cheeks flushed faintly pink. Apparently he’s still retained all his character development even with the relevant memories gone.

“Taichi-senpai, you can be pretty cringey, you know that? Is that how you get all the girls?”

“Cringey?! Geez, I hope that’s not how I get the girls... Wait, what? I haven’t gotten any girls!”

“Well, I think you have the right voice for it, at least!”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

The embarrassment is so palpable on his face, I can’t help but laugh. He really is a force to be reckoned with. I’ve never felt this empowered in all my life.

After I catch my breath, I find myself muttering, “Do you really think a loser like me can accomplish anything?”

“Of course you can. Anyone can do anything if they put their mind to it.”

Should’ve seen that one coming.

“I mean, if you sincerely believed it was impossible, then you wouldn’t try to do it in the first place, right?”

Wow... He’s a genius! I think I get it... I actually get it this time! Gosh, I’m so glad I joined the Cultural Research Club!

“I... I think I can do it...!”

“Yeah? Glad to be of service.”

What a touching little moment. I almost wish we could stay like this forever... but we can’t. Why? Because I need to take the next step. I’m going to save Taichi and Yui—myself.

“Thank you so much for hearing me out! I have to go take care of something, so I’ll see you later!”

I bow to him, then head for the door. Just a few meters from now, as soon as I cross that threshold, the game is back on.

But the moment Taichi leaves my sight, I suddenly feel alone and frightened. Can I really do this? If I can’t make it happen this time, I’m as good as sunk—

Maybe I need a little more encouragement to keep me going.

“Taichi-senpai... Could you do me a favor? Could you say ‘You can do it, Shino’?” I ask without looking back.

“Oh, uh, okay... You can do it, Shino.”

“ALLLLLRIGHTY, THAT’S A MIGHTY FINE VOICE!”

And with that, I take a step.

One, two, three—four—!

“I’ll say this much, Enjouji-san... You may think you’re boring, but I sure don’t.”

□■□■□

This time it’s going to happen. This time it’s for real.

...If we’re being honest, I’ve probably thought this exact same thing hundreds of times by now. I would always try to make myself believe it so I wouldn’t waver... but in the end, every single “this time it’s for real” would end up being phony. And no amount of promising or bargaining with myself could change that.

Some people can maintain the same level of motivation and confidence through to the end, and compared to them, I’m undeniably useless. I’m slow on the uptake, and I’m bad at school, and I’m not very athletic, and I’m a slow learner, and I’m indecisive, and I tend to get nervous and screw up... but in the end, that’s all there is to it.

For us inadequate folks, there’s one thing we need

to turn those “this time...” commitments into the real deal: initiative. And not just any initiative—life-changing initiative.

Obviously, changing your life is no walk in the park. So if you’re going to do it, then you have to do it. If you want to get better at school, then you have to start studying a little bit each day; if you want to get fit, then you have to do a bit of exercise, and so on. I have massive respect for those who can teach themselves new habits by taking these baby steps... but then again, maybe that’s the default method for most people.

So what do you do when the default doesn’t work for you? You fail, so you give up? No way! To heck with that!

If baby steps aren’t enough to change anything, then you’ll just have to go big and change everything. Maybe you take your study materials and hole yourself up somewhere away from the internet. Maybe you take a trip out to the mountains and train until you can run an entire Ironman Triathlon. Or maybe... just maybe... you face off against an otherworldly monster named «Heartseed» that, by all rights, should only ever exist in dreams or fiction.

Right now, everything Taichi said to me is still just talk. It’s not a magic formula. It’s not going to change me overnight. Trust me, I’ve read enough bestselling self-help books and listened to enough motivational speakers to know that much. It’s just that none of them were real for me.

Okay, maybe that’s not quite it. In actuality, I just let them stay phony instead of making them real.

In the end, words are just words. Squiggles on paper. You’re the one who has to make something out of them.

In my case, I got these words from someone I deeply respect... so I’m going to make this the real deal.

Rain pours down from the dark clouds above me, but I pay it no mind. It’s just water. It’s not enough to stop me.

I’m taking action—I’m going to go have a talk with Chihiro. Maybe it sounds easy to most people, but so what? I’m not most people.

I’m a hopeless loser, and it takes me a lot of courage to do the same things everyone else can manage with ease. So when I do manage those same things, they feel like major accomplishments.

Before now, I always let myself take the easy way out. I let myself get used to not trying. But that’s not okay anymore. I’m going to be better than that.

Once a person has grown accustomed to indolence, however, it’ll take a dramatic shift to pull them out of that funk...

I remember «it» told me I could come back here if I ever changed my mind... All I have to do is call its name, and the door will open.

So here I am at the nature park near the school. Bring it on, «Heartseed». I’m gonna open that door.

I’m gonna change my life. Change it completely. Change myself.

I take a deep, deep breath... and scream louder than I’ve ever screamed before.

“GET OUT HERE, «HEARTSEED»!”

As it turns out, doing something dramatic can have dramatic results.