Chapter 7: At Any Given Moment

Chapter 7: At Any Given Moment

As I’m walking down the hall, by pure coincidence, Kiriyama Yui passes by in the opposite direction—but she doesn’t interact with me beyond a curt nod. Once again, she’s headed off to the karate dojo without even stopping by the clubroom.

Yui no longer remembers anything about the Cultural Research Club. When she looks at me, all she sees now is a kouhai and fellow karate student... Maybe this is my punishment.

Over the past few days since I caused the paradox that wiped her and Yaegashi Taichi’s memories, I’ve come to realize just how utterly and painfully powerless I truly am. I’m not special; I never was. But then I met «Heartseed», and it gave me the power of Phantom Projection, and I happily deluded myself into thinking I was one of the chosen few.

I’d promised myself right from the start that I would never let it go to my head... but there I was, strutting around like some big man on campus. Worse still, the arrogance wasn’t my only problem; after my first taste of power, I soon found myself overcome with a hunger for more. My mind wasn’t strong enough to fight it, and so I steadily grew tainted...

And then I did something I can never take back.

Now the Kiriyama Yui and Yaegashi Taichi I once knew are gone... and everything they worked so hard to build in that club has been destroyed without a trace. I may as well have murdered them with my own hands.

Me, special? What a joke. I’m not even worth the consideration.

The world runs on a system: there’s the shepherds, and then there’s the sheep. Myself, I was keenly aware of this. And the very last thing I wanted was to be a sheep.

But just like that, I sold myself out and took on the role of «Heartseed»’s little minion. I puffed myself up and told myself I was a genius, but really I was little more than a dog begging for a bone... and I took the bait without a second thought.

Honestly, everyone should just stay away from a loser like me.

Lately Enjouji’s been sticking her nose in my business, and I’ve had to shoo her away a couple times. Most recently, however, I found out that I’m not the only one «Heartseed»’s been talking to. All this time, I thought I was the chosen one... I can’t describe how pathetic I felt when I realized just how delusional I’d been.

“Oh, hey, Chihiro!”

I look up to find Aoki Yoshifumi waving at me. Apparently I’m a magnet for CRC people today.

“Man, you’re lookin’ pretty pale and corpse-y today. You okay, li’l dude?”

The very ignoramus I once looked at with contempt now has me beat in every way.

“I mean, I’m sure you’re worried about Yui and Taichi, and I get that. Just hang in there for a little longer, alright? We’ll figure somethin’ out!”

Sympathy from the enemy.

“Not to be a broken record about this, but are you totally 100% sure nothing weird’s happened to you lately? Any WTF moments you might’ve had with someone you know? Did anyone...”

Before the game begins, you have to choose your side... and I chose the darkness.

“...or anything like that? ...Uhh, you listening, Chihiro?”

“Just shut up and leave me alone, okay?”

“Huh?”

I turn and head back to the classroom, leaving him with that stupid derpy look on his face.

I have nothing of value to offer this world.

“Hey, Uwacchi!”

Shimono turns around in his seat to face me. Wordlessly, I meet his gaze.

“Is something going on with you, bro? Judging from those gnarly dark circles under your eyes, I’m gonna guess you were up gaming all night. Did you get into an MMO or something? Because let me tell you, those things are like, dangerously addictive. Last time I tried one, I could literally feel myself getting obsessed. Had to delete it ASAP.”

Where did that come from? I ignore him.

“...Is that a no? Wait... Ohhh, okay, I get it. It’s a girl, isn’t it? Did you screw things up with Enjouji-san or something? Maybe you found out she already has a boyfriend and you’re hella jealous ‘cuz you wanted to be the first one to tap that? Been there.”

“What’s going on, guys? Butthurt that you haven’t gotten laid?” Tada cuts in out of nowhere.

These two have been talking to me a lot lately. Maybe they feel some kind of weird kinship toward me as a fellow cheerleading rep and/or guy who sucks at rock-paper-scissors.

“Look, man, don’t judge us just ‘cuz you already lost your V-card!”

“Settle down, Shimono. I’m not judging anyone, alright? Yeesh... You virgins sure love to play the victim...”

“Rrgh... Screw you!”

What a stupid, harmless conversation. All this time I scoffed and turned up my nose at them, but right now, even they feel far beyond me. I can only wish I was on their level... and it hurts.

Why did I have to encounter that thing? Why did I listen to it? Why did I accept its gift? Why did I agree to its terms? Why me?

“C’mon, Uwa! Help me out here! Tell him guys with girlfriends ought to have sympathy for the less fortunate! By which I mean hook us up with her friends! Wait... I never thought to ask, but... Oh god, please don’t tell me I’m the only virgin here...”

“I dunno, Shimono. You might be ugly as sin, but Uwa’s a good-lookin’ dude. I bet he could—Uwa?”

Unable to stand it a minute longer, I get to my feet and leave the classroom. I can’t make small talk with these people anymore. You think I can share a laugh with my buddies right now? What a joke.

I don’t remember how they reacted, or if I said anything before I left, or even what time it was when I walked out.

Fuck it all.

With no club activities after school, I head home as soon as classes let out. I haven’t been to the dojo lately, either.

The second I walk into my room, I fling my (mostly empty) bookbag onto the bed, where it makes a wimpy little whump sound as it lands. Another day of no plans and nothing to do. Just idling my life away.

Suddenly I remember the scrapbook sitting on my bookshelf. I grab it and turn to the section I made for the Cultural Research Club. Then I remove all the photos I printed, throw them in the trash, and flop down onto the bed.

“Chihiro, I’m coming in,” my mom calls from the other side of the door.

Weird. She almost never tries to come in here.

“Chihiro, I notice you’ve been coming home early for the past few days. Is something going on with your club? What about karate practice?”

“Nothing’s going on, Mom.”

“Are you sure? You seem... distant lately, and I can’t help but wonder if these two things are related. Of course, I trust you to tell me if there’s a problem—”

“There isn’t. It’s fine.”

So fucking obnoxious.

Don’t try to act like you care. Most days you hardly remember I even exist. So if you’re not going to help me, then kindly shut the fuck up and stay out of it.

“Maybe you think it’s fine, but... you barely eat your dinner...”

Just fuck off already.

“I know you tend to keep to yourself, but if you want to talk to me about it—”

“JUST GET OUT!”

“...Okay, well... Let me know if you change your mind, alright? I’ll be here...”

And with that last pathetic attempt at parenting, she finally, mercifully leaves.

Don’t talk to me like you know me. You don’t know anything.

Fuck you.

The next day, I do my usual morning routine and leave the house. Feels like I’m running late. I was running late yesterday too, come to think of it... Is it still considered “late” if it’s the new norm? Whatever. Doesn’t matter.

Time goes by. Meanwhile, I’m caught between hell and purgatory.

Before I know it, I’m walking out of the school building, bookbag in hand. I guess school’s over already.

I must’ve been the first person to leave campus, because I don’t see any other Yamaboshi students on my way home. Just me.

By all accounts, the summer air should have been oppressively hot, and yet here I am shivering.

For days now I’ve been sitting around like a prisoner on death row, waiting to meet my fate. Meanwhile, all around me, this mediocre world keeps on turning.

—Now that you’ve joined me... don’t think for a moment you can go back to your ordinary life... unless you show me something worth my time.

It’s obvious I’m not going to make it out of this alive.

What’s going to happen now? What will it do to me? Will it wipe my memories? Saddle me with more tasks? Use me as a puppet? Or... will it erase my existence entirely?

It’s all over. I made a critical error and now I’m dead. My life is over, and there’s no going back. The only option left is to press the reset button and hope that I’ll be born a bit more fortunate in my next life—ideally, fortunate enough to never encounter the likes of «Heartseed» again.

Goodbye, Uwa Chihiro. It was nice knowing you...

No, no, no! I don’t want to die!

“Chihiro-kun?”

A voice rings out—the voice of a goddess.

How bitterly I’ve yearned to hear this voice.

Is this a miracle? It must be a miracle.

Biting back the urge to scream, I turn around...

And there she is.

Long chestnut strands glitter in the light as they hang over her petite frame, and I can practically feel the warmth radiating from her sweet smile.

It’s Kiriyama Yui.

“...Yui-san...?”

“Were you about to head home?” she asks, her expression bright and sunny like the springtime sky.

She remembers my name. She’s talking to me like a friend. Almost like I’ve somehow gone back in time to a point before I single-handedly screwed everything up.

“Uhh... Yui-san? Are your memories back?”

“Uh, you bet they are! And what a total nightmare, too! I demand to hear an explanation of what happened, mister. You owe me!”

One would think I’d be afraid to tell her, but at this point, I’m ready to give in. Ready to be free from this hell. I’m tired of running from my sins, and I don’t want to have to make myself disappear... so if there’s a third option, I’m all for it. What more could I possibly want, really?

“You’re right... Okay.”

“Cool. Let’s go to the clubroom.”

“Don’t worry. «Heartseed»’s the real villain here, not you. But just so you know, we already sent him packing. You have nothing to fear.”

Rec Hall Room 401, home to the Cultural Research Club. I haven’t been here in a while, but it feels like I’m still welcome.

“It all happened so fast... It almost feels like it was all a dream,” I mutter.

“It basically was,” Yui replies. “None of it was your fault, Chihiro-kun. Just tell me what happened, okay?”

A dream. Of course! It all makes sense now. None of this should have been possible to begin with. «Heartseed» couldn’t possibly exist in reality, much less its phenomena. What a relief...

And just like that, the dam bursts.

“On the day I decided to join the CRC, I encountered «Heartseed» controlling Gotou’s body right there at the nature park. It said it just wanted to introduce itself. Then a few days later, we met again... It showed me its supernatural powers and asked me if I was interested. It said it would give me the power to create illusions, so long as I agreed to use that power to spice things up between the second years. And if I did well, it promised it would give me even more power... I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I thought if I had a superpower, I could turn my average life into something extraordinary. Make the world interesting for a change. I wanted that power.

“At first, everything seemed to be going well... but when it started slipping, «Heartseed» criticized me and threatened my safety. So I started using my power more and more... but things only got worse. Then I got scared and panicked... and in my carelessness, I created a logical paradox. That’s what made you and Taichi-san lose your memories. I’m so sorry, Yui-san... I didn’t have a choice... I let the power go to my head, and I lost control...”

Why am I telling her all this? Telling her all about my embarrassing emotions? I can’t stop myself. Meanwhile, she nods patiently as she listens. Then, near the end of my explanation, she finally speaks.

“Hey, so... This is kind of a belated question, but... What made you want to join the CRC originally?”

What does that have to do with anything? Well, okay, whatever. Let’s see... I never really thought about it up till now. Mostly I was just going along with what they seemed to want...

But before I can organize my thoughts, my mouth starts moving of its own accord—like it’s speaking from the heart.

“This place has something I want... Something I lack... Something I can’t have.”

It does? Oh... I get it. The thing my heart wants—

God, how embarrassing. I need to think before I speak, or else who knows what I might tell her...

“Someone you love?” Yui asks casually.

I freeze. My heart skips a beat. The hell? Why did it do that?

“Actually, never mind. You don’t have to answer that.” She shakes her head.

Seriously? You’re just going to change your mind? Okay, whatever. I’m not going to complain.

“I think I see what happened. Thank you for telling me,” she continues.

“Oh, no problem...”

Fear sets in, and I start to worry I’ve said too much. I confessed to some pretty awful shit just now... but then again, she never once got upset... I guess it’s probably fine, then.

“Okay, wait here for a sec,” she says, rising to her feet. Does she need to use the restroom or something?

As I watch her stride towards the door, something hazily rises to the forefront of my mind. According to her, Taichi’s memories came back at the same time as hers... so why wasn’t he present for this little interrogation? Surely he’d want to know just as much as she did. It struck me as odd.

Then Yui stepped outside and shut the clubroom door.

A split-second later, the door opened again... and Enjouji Shino was standing there, her expression halfway between guilty and sympathetic.

“I’m sorry, Chihiro-kun,” she whispers.

I don’t get it. Sorry for what? Where did you come from? Where’s Yui? She only just left. Did you bump into her in the hall?

—I’m sorry, Chihiro-kun.

I shake my head. No... It can’t be.

But Enjouji apologized. And the door was only shut for a fraction of a second, which means surely the same person had to have opened it again. And when it opened, Enjouji was standing there. Enjouji. The other person who claimed to have met «Heartseed». Now the pieces are all falling into place, and there’s just one logical conclusion...

“You’ve probably figured this out, but... that wasn’t really Yui-senpai just now. It was me. I used that power «Heartseed» gave us.”

I’VE BEEN HAD.

Enjouji tricked me... and now she knows everything.

“Pff... kehehehe... haha... AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

For some reason I can’t stop laughing. Something inside me is slipping. Breaking.

All my plotting, all my misdeeds, all my shame and misery... It’s all been brought to light.

Of course Kiriyama Yui and Yaegashi Taichi wouldn’t have gotten their memories back that easily.

And now I’ve unwittingly confessed to my crimes—hoisted by my own petard.

I joined the CRC because “it has something I want”? How ridiculous. I literally attacked the CRC. I’m their enemy. Why did I ever think for a moment that I would be forgiven? How deluded can I possibly be? There’s no hope for me. I’m fucked. My only option now is to disappear.

And as soon as this thought crosses my mind, I shove Enjouji out of my way and bolt from the room.

I run all the way into town. I run until my breath gives out completely and I’m forced to slow down. Sweat pours from every inch of my body, making my button-up shirt cling uncomfortably to my skin.

I find myself at the station square shopping district. Neon signs clutter my vision—bars, fast food restaurants, karaoke joints, you name it. At this hour, this part of town is a popular after-school hangout spot; I can spot students in uniform here and there among the crowds. But they’re not the only ones, of course. There’s the young office workers wearing three-piece suits despite the hot weather; older women laden with shopping bags; fashionistas wearing entirely too much makeup; hell, I can even see a couple of foreign tourists.

People, people, people, everywhere I look.

Fortunately, of the students I see, none of them are wearing the Yamaboshi uniform. This suits me perfectly, as I’m really not eager to bump into anyone I know right now. But... am I really safe here? Enjouji can use Phantom Projection... That means she could be literally anyone.

Granted, I don’t think she would chase me all this way... but she might...

I am surrounded by hundreds upon hundreds of people, all of them perfectly ordinary-looking—and yet every single one of them has the potential to be an impostor in disguise. And if I can’t tell the difference, then they all may as well be impostors.

The Phantom Projection has me in the palm of its hand. I know this, and yet it feels like everyone around me is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

There’s a guy smirking in my direction. Who are you? What do you want? I stop short. Then someone crashes into me from behind. A woman strides past, scoffing in annoyance.

As far as I know, only Enjouji and I can use the Phantom Projection... but then again, if «Heartseed» saw fit to give it to her of all people, then who knows who else it may have bestowed it to.

I notice a uniform-clad high schooler staring at me. Then the girl next to her whispers something in her ear. Up ahead, I see a group of guys in their early twenties walking my way, practically taking up the whole street... almost like they’re trying to box me in. They aren’t, are they? Are they?

Maybe they are. I’m a surveillance target. I’m an enemy. The whole world is against me. I can’t think of any other explanation.

So I run. It’s my only option. I can’t survive here in this nightmare.

I arrive at the nature park and wander my way deep into the woods, seeking a place where I can be alone.

I find an old, rusty bench and collapse down onto it. At this point, I don’t care if my clothes get dirty.

I can’t sense anyone nearby. All I hear is the chirping of birds and rustling of trees.

I’m so tired... I don’t want to move another inch... At least now I can finally relax.

Now that I’m alone, I feel safe. I don’t exactly enjoy it, but it’s better than the alternative. Alone, I don’t have to live in fear of the Phantom Projection.

After being on the receiving end for a change, I can’t possibly fathom how the CRC pentagon could shrug it off like it was nothing. They’re inhuman.

It’s clearly been some time since this area last saw any proper maintenance; the place looks as abandoned as I feel. A perfect match, really. Guess I’ll stay here for a while.

This nature park is where it all began. Not only that, but «Heartseed» has met me here a handful of times since. Sure, sometimes it would drop in on me unannounced, but whenever I needed some time to think, it would specifically ask to meet up here once I was ready. And somehow, even though I had no way of letting it know when I was on my way, it would always turn up right when I arrived. How the hell does it do that? Is Gotou in on it?

For that matter, what is «Heartseed» up to right now, anyway? Now that I’m here, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned up.

Go ahead. Come get me. See if I care.

I wonder what punishment it’s planning for me, now that I reneged on our agreement. Maybe it’ll erase me. I can’t say I’d mind.

I’m so exhausted... I need some sleep. Haven’t gotten a proper night’s sleep in forever.

—Uwa Chihiro didn’t go home that night.

□■□■□

The next morning, I wake up sore all over. Sleeping on a hard bench didn’t do me any favors.

Here amid the trees and foliage, the morning air is dewy and cold. A stray dog passes by, pauses to glance at me, then trots off again.

I stretch my neck to work the stiffness out as the residual drowsiness clears from my mind. I’m kind of impressed I managed to spend an entire night out here in the wilderness. What time is it now? Six-ish, I’m guessing? I could turn my phone on to check, but I don’t want to deal with any emails I might’ve gotten in the interim... That said, I went ahead and told my overly fretful mother that I would be spending the night at a friend’s house, so theoretically everything should be fine.

If memory serves, today is Saturday, so I don’t have to worry about school...

Meanwhile, the sun begins to rise on the horizon.

So, now what? Where do I go from here? Enjouji’s probably already told Nagase, Inaba, and Aoki all about my misdeeds. I mean, there’s no way she’s acting entirely on her own. She’s not smart enough to come up with that little stunt all by herself; Inaba probably told her to do it. Which means they all see me as the enemy.

24 hours ago I was free as a bird, but now I feel like a wanted criminal. Actually, no. Even real criminals don’t have it this bad. After all, they can just go to jail, serve their time, and get a fresh start at the end of their sentence. But me? I committed a crime beyond the scope of the law. I don’t get the privilege of a fresh start.

Should I lean into it? Should I play dumb and pretend I don’t know anything about «Heartseed»? Maybe if I lie convincingly enough... Man, who am I kidding? I don’t want to humiliate myself any more than I already have.

That leaves me with one last option: to disappear.

Not like I put much value in this world anyway. I’m one of the have-nots. No matter what I did, I was only ever going to have a mediocre life at best. No great ambitions, no great accomplishments... The world doesn’t even need me.

The more I think about it, the more it starts to feel like the right choice. The world is stupid and vapid and stagnant. It’s hopeless. There’s never going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. So why keep living?

No more idly drifting along the mediocre path life takes me on. It’s time to end it. I may be a villain, but at least this way I’ll go out with a bang.

“Keheh... heh... heh heh heh...”

And what massive, monstrous fireworks they were, too. I guess that’s the biggest accomplishment I’ll leave behind. Because my life is over. I’m dead. I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead—

“I found you, Chihiro-kun!”

Out of the blue, a voice calls out from behind me, its tone oddly chipper.

“Gosh, that took forever! I’ve been searching since yesterday! I should’ve known you’d come to this nature park... Sheesh, I must’ve called and emailed you a dozen times! Why didn’t you answer?!”

Enjouji saunters into my line of sight, her demeanor reminiscent of that certain delirious glee that came with staying up all night long. Hilarious.

“Hey, you’re laughing! Why are you laughing?! I even tried to call your house, you know!”

“Th... The hell did you do that for?” I snap back reflexively, my voice croaky from lack of use.

“W-Well, what else was I supposed to do?! Oh yeah, and when I called, your mom was like ‘He’s at a friend’s house, isn’t he? Who are you?’ so I told her I’m your girlfriend and that we’re having a fight. She was like ‘Ohhh, now I get it.’ ”

“You just made everything ten times more complicated!”

In what world would Enjouji have that much audacity and initiative? This isn’t like her... Oh god, is she an impostor...?!

“How do you feel about Taichi-san’s voice?”

“Sexy and mature, but with a hint of boyish charm! That’s my official verdict! But I’ll accept alternative opinions as long as they’re positive!”

Nope, that’s Enjouji, alright. I’d recognize that voice fetish anywhere. Actually, it’s even worse than I remember.

It’s strange... I came here to isolate myself because I was afraid of being around people, but here I am having a normal conversation with Enjouji—someone who knows the full extent of what I’ve done. I thought I was going to make myself disappear, but now that she’s here, that idea has gone right out the window. It doesn’t make sense.

“Whew... I’m just glad you’re okay. I thought you vanished on us, or worse, maybe you were going to k—Never mind! Forget that! I don’t want to jinx it!”

“Why were you looking for me of all people, anyway? Wait... Are you saying you stayed up all night trying to find me...?”

“Oh, no. I went home after midnight, obviously.”

You stayed out until midnight?

“So what do you want?”

I need to get this conversation over with so I can go back to being alone.

As I sit there on the bench, Enjouji looks down at me and sighs.

“Chihiro-kun, I want you to come with me. Let’s go see our senpai and... and apologize.”

I knew it. They put her up to this.

“I’m not going.”

“Okay, great! Thanks! I know you’re probably embarrassed about it, but I’m glad all my tireless effort to find you has struck a chord with y—Wait, you’re not coming?!”

Shut up. Get lost already.

“It’s all over now. Going to see them won’t change anything.”

“Wh-What? What’s ‘all over now’?!”

“My life, genius. Yui-san and Taichi-san have lost their memories. Plus, you tricked me into revealing everything, and now the others know...”

“They do? Did you talk to them already?”

“No, of course not. But I know you did.”

“N-No I didn’t! I haven’t told them anything!”

“...What?”

I can’t believe it... and yet she doesn’t appear to be lying.

“So you’re saying you came up with that little trick all on your own? And then you searched for me... all on your own?”

“Y-Yeah...?”

This pathetic little weakling? All by herself?

“I really gave it my all. I met with «Heartseed» and asked it to help me, but it wasn’t very cooperative. Instead it told me to handle it myself... and that’s when it gave me the power to impersonate people.”

Then it hits me: Enjouji hasn’t had this power from the beginning. She analyzed the situation, then went to negotiate with «Heartseed» directly.

According to her, she first met «Heartseed» around the same time I did, and they had the same conversation... but where I agreed, she declined. That was the decision that set us apart.

“I was... seduced by the power...” Belatedly, I curse myself for being so greedy.

“And I was just a coward,” she mutters in reply, and for a single, fleeting moment, she returns to her usual wimpy self. “But coward or not, I still needed to... to take action. See, I always knew there was something going on, but I never did anything about it... so it’s my fault Taichi-senpai and Yui-senpai ended up like that.”

“Give me a break.” How desperate are you to blame yourself?

“As a bystander, I was no better than a perpetrator.”

Oh yeah? Then what about me, the actual perpetrator? Anger flares up in my chest, and I feel the urge to lash out. I’m done playing this game with her.

“So you want me to go explain myself and apologize? And then what?”

“Um... well...”

“What happens after that? Will that lead to a solution? Because I doubt it.”

The look on her face says uh-oh.

“W-Well... No, not exactly... but if we tell the others what’s going on, we might be able to think of a way to fix it! «Heartseed» told me they’ve been through this phenomenon stuff a bunch of times by now, so if we explain the situation and work with them...”

“You think we can magically fix this with the power of friendship?”

How naive. The world isn’t that forgiving. Nor is it that simple. Trust me, I know.

“But...!” Her face crumples on the verge of tears, and she stares down at the ground.

Here we go again. She’s too weak-willed to make anything happen. And for some reason, it really pisses me off. If you’re going to be that useless, then don’t bother trying. Don’t even think about it.

Frankly, I could say the same thing to myself. The have-nots were never meant to aspire to anything. It’ll only end in tragedy. So I need to stop her before that happens—

Enjouji looks up, her face shining with courage and resolve. “We need to take action... We need to change this.”

I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

“I want to do better. I want to fight. And I want to fix this.”

Oh, now I get it. Enjouji must have changed. She’s one of them now.

“Prevent a tragedy”? What a load of bullshit. I’m no saint. I just don’t want her to leave me behind. I’m so weak and pathetic, I’m grasping at straws to justify my behavior.

Enjouji and I were both drawn to the CRC in the same way. Deep down, we’re both cut from the same cloth. Birds of a feather. But now I see that at some critical juncture, we split off from each other. She took the right path, and I the wrong.

I just wish someone would’ve told me there was another option. I wish they would’ve warned me that this would happen. Maybe I could’ve... I could’ve... I—

“What I’m saying is... I want you to join the fight with me, Chihiro-kun.”

She who walks the right path now reaches out to me, the sinner led astray... and she calls for me.

“Join the fight...?”

Why would she want me? There’s no way she actually needs me.

“I’m going to try to fix this, but I need your help. I need your strength.”

She... needs me?

“Fix it? You weren’t even the one who broke it in the first place! That was all me! You think I can just waltz back in and be like ‘Yeah, I’m totally gonna fix it!’ Because I can’t!”

Why do I... sound like I actually want to? Do I? Maybe I do. This isn’t the first time I’ve spoken from the heart before my brain had the chance to process it.

Meanwhile, Enjouji’s hesitating like she’s not sure she’s allowed to say whatever it is she’s about to say... and then I realize I’m waiting in anticipation. I’m hoping she’s the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m hoping she’ll save me.

The world may be stupid and vapid and stagnant—but no matter how much it sucks, I don’t want it to end! I don’t want to disappear! Maybe it’s petty, but it’s the truth!

So all I can do is trust in Enjouji and wait for my salvation—

“E-Everyone loves to see the bad guy make a heel-face turn... r-right?”

...Welp, so much for that. Could you at least say it with a straight face?! Your stammering just made it even cringier than it already was! Quit trying to be someone you’re not!

This whole conversation is ridiculous. Why are we doing this?

“Um... well... To be fair, I’m no better than you. I have no right to claim that I can fix this... It won’t make my mistakes go away. But if we use that as an excuse to do nothing, then we’ll only get worse. So it’s our responsibility to do something!”

Do something? Now? It’s too late to change course.

“We can still redeem ourselves if we can get Taichi-senpai and Yui-senpai back to normal... I think...”

Do I really still have a chance to redeem myself?

For fuck’s sake, why am I letting her go on and on? I already know what I want to do. I want to fight. I want a rematch. I want to atone, even if it doesn’t erase my misdeeds. And... if possible... I want things to go back to the way they used to be. I want to come home.

“I even went and talked to «Heartseed» to try and help you!”

Why are you so proud of that?

“So what? I’ve talked to it a bunch of times.”

“S-Stop! You’re making all my hard work sound like nothing!” She sounds genuinely panicked, too. What a riot.

I push myself to my feet. All at once, Enjouji’s face lights up. Hold your horses, damn it. I haven’t agreed to anything.

“I guess I do need to apologize... and explain things.”

“Yes! YES! Thank you!” She throws her arms up in the air in a display of jubilance, but her movements are stiff and unnatural, like she’s never actually been this excited before. “I did it... I changed you... I changed myself...!”

Obviously I can’t say for sure if she’s changed, but... I’m not sure I have.

“Have you always wanted to change yourself?”

“Yeah! And someday I want to be more like our senpai!” She gushes at me, beaming from ear to ear, and for once I actually believe she can do it. She’s well on her way.

But as for me, well... at the very least, I need to try to fix what I broke. I need to put an end to this nightmare. Then we can worry about everything else afterwards. And if they decide to punish me, then so be it. I’ll accept it. Hell, they can punch me in the face if they want to.

Once I commit to receiving punishment for my actions, I feel a weight lift off of my shoulders. Maybe what I lacked was the courage to accept the consequences. In the end, all this running away only served to make me feel worse... Perhaps confronting it was the right answer all along.

If Enjouji can change this much, then so can I. I may be a shithead who was led astray by a supernatural entity, but I can still take baby steps back toward the right path.

Then maybe one day I’ll be more like the girl I admire.

We decide to ask Nagase, Inaba, and Aoki to meet up with us at a different park near Yamaboshi, mainly so they won’t have to change into their school uniforms on a Saturday.

At the meeting place, Enjouji and I stand around in silence. Twenty minutes pass without a word. We both stand perfectly still, barely even moving.

Then Enjouji coughs. I glance over to find her white as a sheet.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay... I’m... fine... Ulp...” She claps a hand over her mouth like she wants to barf.

“You really don’t look fine. Maybe you should lie down somewhere.”

“Says the guy who looks like a walking corpse.”

“What does it matter what I look like?” That was pretty harsh, too. Do I really look that bad?

“A-Are they gonna be mad at us...? Yeah, they’re probably gonna be mad at us...” Just like that, she gives form to the fear dangling over our heads. “Mad” doesn’t begin to cover it. There are a host of other, stronger adjectives that would fit more aptly.

“This was your idea, remember? You were the one who said it couldn’t wait.” Why am I trying to encourage her? If anything, she should be consoling me.

“But—oh!”

Just then, we see Inaba, Nagase, and Aoki walking toward us, dressed in casual clothes. I doubt they all arrived here at the same time purely by coincidence; they must’ve met up with each other after we contacted them. What sort of conversation did they have then?

The looks on their faces are by no means inviting, but they aren’t exactly hostile, either. I try to envision how I must look to them, then hastily think better of it. Fear flares up, and I feel the urge to run off somewhere far, far away. They’re just going to hate me. I’m scared. We’re both scared... aren’t we?

I glance to my side. Enjouji is trembling, her hands balled into fists, her lips pursed tightly together, tears welling in her eyes... but she doesn’t turn away. She faces them head-on.

I can’t run now. Not when she’s giving it her all. I refuse to let her be the bigger person. I’m not going to humiliate myself again—not now, not ever. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!

And so I give them the full story, with Enjouji occasionally chiming in to add things.

“...and that’s about the gist of it.”

As I speak, I feel the blood slowly drain from my face.

Enjouji’s laid-back attitude had numbed me to the gravity of the situation—made me think not only was it safe to tell them, but also that I needed to. Looking back, I was an idiot. What I did is clearly far beyond the realm of forgiveness.

The three second-years listen to my explanation without really reacting, outside of occasionally closing their eyes or staring at the ground in contemplation... and that utter lack of reaction stokes the flames of my fear. Enjouji must be feeling the same, because she continues to tremble.

“I... I’m sorry...” The next thing I know, I find myself on my knees. Then I bend over and press my forehead to the ground, prostrating myself dogeza-style. We humans are so quick to humble ourselves, aren’t we? my brain muses to itself like an uninvolved third party.

Take my punishment? Take baby steps toward the right path? Make things go back to the way they used to be? What a joke. That only works if the crime is small enough. And mine isn’t.

“I... I’m sorry, too! I’m sorry I... couldn’t do anything!” Enjouji joins me on the ground, her voice watery.

No one replies. For a few seconds—the longest seconds of my life—all that can be heard is Enjouji sniffling.

Then, finally, Inaba breaks the silence:

“You idiots...”

I’m the one who essentially erased the events between her and her beloved boyfriend. Who knows what she might do to me.

“THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, YOU SHIT-BRAIN?!”

Her scream makes my ears ring. She’s pissed—no surprise there. I was fully expecting this, and yet it still makes me flinch. Meanwhile, I can feel Nagase and Aoki staring at me, their eyes boring into me.

If only I hadn’t gotten those weird ideas in my head... If only I’d never met Yui... If only I never existed... The weight of my crime bears down upon me. Guilt consumes me. Just punish the hell out of me and get it over with!

“Get up, Shino.” Inaba helps Enjouji to her feet. Then she turns to me. “Look at me, Chihiro.”

Timidly, I lift my head... and find her face inches from mine. Fearfully, I squeeze my eyes shut.

“YOU LITTLE—hyah!”

Fwick. I feel a sharp impact against my forehead.

“Ouch!”

I clap a hand over it in wide-eyed surprise. Did she just... flick me?

“Get your ass up and dust yourself off. You too, Shino.”

“Huh? Wait, but... what?”

As I stare at her in surprise, she starts brushing the dirt from my clothes.

“Oh, thank god! For a second I thought Inaban was gonna commit murder! You okay, Shino-chan?” Nagase asks, her tone lighthearted and cheerful as she wanders over to Enjouji to help her dust herself off.

In contrast, Enjouji seems as baffled as me. “Huh? Oh, umm... Y-You don’t have to...!”

This is not the reaction I was expecting. By all accounts, they should be beyond furious... and yet somehow all I got was one little insult and a flick to the forehead? Really?

“Shino, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. And Chihiro, while I can’t pretend I’m not a little upset with you, what happened wasn’t your fault,” Inaba declares.

I haven’t told them everything, but I did admit to my inner weakness. I told them my ego got the better of me. So how can she say this isn’t my fault?

“Honestly, we’re the ones who ought to apologize,” says Nagase. “We should’ve told you about «Heartseed» before you joined the club, but instead we hid it from you. That’s on us.”

“Look, guys, I’m gettin’ tired of just standing around. Can we take this over there?”

And so, at Aoki’s prompting, the five of us head over to a side area with some playground equipment and raised flowerbeds. There, we each find a place to take a seat, and the three second-years tell us all about what the CRC has gone through. As it turns out, their connection to «Heartseed» runs a lot deeper than I thought.

“The point is, we invited you into the club knowing full well there was a chance you’d get dragged into some shit. Fortunately, you weren’t the victims this time around, but still... I’m sorry.” Inaba bowed her head in apology, and Nagase and Aoki followed suit.

“Oh, no... You don’t have to apologize...!” Enjouji insists modestly.

“Yeah, you really don’t,” I chime in. “If anyone’s in the wrong here, it’s me... and «Heartseed», I guess.”

“That’s right, Chee-hee! It’s all «Heartseed»’s fault! Don’t beat yourself up over what you did, okay?”

According to the second-years, there’s no point in bickering amongst ourselves when the true mastermind lies elsewhere.

“That said, there is one thing that fucking infuriates me.” Inaba’s tone shifts.

I knew it. I knew it. She’s going to rip me apart—

“If you two were struggling with this, then why didn’t you come to us for help?! We’re right here!”

“I know, right? We’re your senpai! That’s what we’re here for!” Nagase agrees.

“Ladies, please. It probably wasn’t that simple for ‘em.”

Why are they talking about this like it’s no big deal? This is insane. They’re so far beyond me. They’re really going to let me almost entirely off the hook? I mean, sure, maybe «Heartseed» is the real villain, and maybe they share some of the blame for not warning us, but even then... I don’t think I could do the same in their shoes.

“B-But... Taichi-senpai and Yui-senpai...” Enjouji hesitates.

Instantly, the second-years’ faces freeze over... but then a moment later it melts away.

“It’s going to be alright. This isn’t the first time a member’s gone AWOL. But in the end, we’ve always made it through with everyone intact... and we’ll do it again,” Inaba assures us.

“Yeah! ’Sides, this time we’ve got you and Chihiro with us, too! That makes five—and five is practically a whole army!” Aoki declares.

“Right you are, Aoki! If we put our heads together, we can fight our way out of this, no problem!” Nagase grins.

What is this? No, seriously. What is happening? I was ready to be burned at the stake, but all I got was a slap on the wrist. Instead, all I can see now is the overwhelming difference between them and me.

I mean, I always knew I wasn’t one of them, but now it’s been rubbed in my face. I’ve been agonizing over this shit for days, and yet they haven’t even batted an eye at it. I could never be like them.

I could impersonate them right in front of their faces and they’d just laugh it off. No matter how hard I struggle, I’ll never be anything more than a phony. I acknowledged my own cowardice, found the courage to face my actions and accept my punishment, and what do I get? A giant, insurmountable wall in my face.

I always knew there was a gulf between us, but for as much as I envied them, I never looked at it that hard. I just assumed I knew its breadth based on my own imagination. But now here I am, standing right in front of it, and I know for a fact there’s no way across. And when I look at them, I realize that the world has left me here to rot for the rest of my life.

“I’m thinking we’re gonna need to put you guys to work. Is that cool?” Nagase asks intently.

I stay quiet. Put us to work? How could I possibly help? What use am I? A long silence passes. See? Even Enjouji doesn’t—

“O-Of course! I... I’ll do everything in my power to help!”

“Awesome! We’re counting on you, Shino-chan!” Nagase beams. Inaba and Aoki smile, too. Then Enjouji smiles, and together they share a nice little moment.

Right. I forgot she’s already one of them. She does seem like the pure-hearted type; I guess she was born with the talent to cross that gulf. I mean, how else could she alone have changed herself so suddenly and dramatically?

“Wh... What about you, Chihiro-kun?” Enjouji asks, peering at me timidly.

She’s not my ally here. It’s me against them.

“Right... Sure, yeah,” I nod. Not like I have any other choice.

“Alright then. Our next step will be to form a plan. But seeing as none of us brought any writing implements, we may as well head home, get changed into our uniforms, and meet back up in the clubroom,” Inaba suggests.

“You got it, Inabacchan!” Aoki replies.

“Allllrighty then! No brakes on this brain train! We’re gonna power through today, and then we’re gonna power through tomorrow, and then on Monday when school starts, we’re gonna power right on through class, too!” Nagase exclaims.

“Y-Yeah... I’m gonna... power through!” Enjouji chimes in, a bit hesitantly, but still eager.

Before we leave, Nagase adds one last thing: “Oh yeah, and just so you know, once this whole nightmare is over with, I totally understand if you want to quit the club.”

This is beyond my comprehension. She’s already planning for what happens after we resolve the problem—and she’s taking our feelings into account while she’s at it.

Together, the five of us head home. Partway through, my route branches off from theirs, so I bid them farewell... and just like that, Inaba, Nagase, Aoki, and Enjouji are gone.

Alone, I collapse to my knees. I just don’t have the energy to stand and fight.

“I can’t do this anymore...”

If only they’d punished me. Then I could’ve had some closure, and maybe I’d feel like I was ready to turn over a new leaf. But no. Facing the music didn’t lead me to a new beginning. All I found was despair. That’s life for you. Business as usual.

I’m done for today... I don’t have the motivation to do anything else. I mean, I know there’s something I need to do—a problem I need to solve—but I can’t do it right now.

I still need to do it, though... Oh, I know. I’ll just start first thing tomorrow. Yeah... tomorrow.

—Uwa Chihiro didn’t go to the clubroom that day.

□■□■□

Sunday came and went. Now it’s Monday, and the Sports Festival is next week.

As for me, I was dead all yesterday, and had a hell of a time waking up this morning, too. And I skipped out on the club meeting on Saturday, along with whatever plans they might’ve had yesterday. Man, this sucks. I missed my chance, and now I’m too late. Now I don’t have the guts to show up. It’s just... too intimidating.

No, that’s not it—I had a reason I couldn’t go. I spent Friday night in a nature park, for god’s sake. Obviously all that sleep deprivation was going to take its toll on my body. I was so lethargic, I was practically bedridden... I mean, not that I had a fever or anything.

If I explain it to them, will they forgive me? They probably will, right? They’ve forgiven me for a lot worse, after all. But... is it too late to ask to join them? How can I possibly find the courage to do that now?

Man, why didn’t I just get my ass into gear on Saturday? Why did I put it off like that? I hate myself.

Hell, I was scared to show my face at school today. I’m only here because my body was basically moving on auto-pilot. Yeah... I used to laugh at those so-called “mindless sheep” for merely going through the motions, and yet it turns out I’m one of them.

Before I left, my mom stopped me at the door and said, “I can tell you’re still struggling, but I hope you’ll do right by your girlfriend.”

I’d forgotten Enjouji fed her that BS. I tried to correct her, but to no avail.

“It’s perfectly normal to get a little over-emotional with each other. You might want to just give each other some space for a while.”

I never asked for that advice, but okay.

“Once you two kiss and make up, you should invite her over. Oh, but if things go south, that’s alright. Just give it some time, then go on a date with a different girl. At your age, there’s no harm in exploring—”

Dealing with her wasn’t worth the hassle, so instead I ignored her and walked out.

As soon as I get to Classroom 1-B, I check for Enjouji. No sign of her. Whew.

“Hey, Uwa.” Shimono points at my bookbag with his mechanical pencil.

“...My bag? What about it? You want me to... open it?” I don’t understand why he’s asking me to do this, but I do it regardless.

Then, at the speed of light, Shimono stuffs a paper bag into my bookbag. The hell? Dubiously, I move to check its contents—

“Don’t! Not here!”

—and catch a glimpse of a very beige front cover. Whatever this is, it’s pornographic.

“The hell are you thinking, man?” I scowl at him, baffled.

Then Tada steps into the room and wanders over.

“Hmm? Oh, hey Tada. Guess what? I just gave Uwa the best gift ever.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I’ve got a little present for him, too, sort of. See, I’m planning a get-together here soon. Nothing set in stone yet, but I’m inviting some girls. How about it, Uwa? Wanna come?”

“Wh... What kind of ‘present’ is that?! That’s so far beyond gift material, dude!” Shimono shoots back before I even have the chance to respond.

“Why are you guys going on and on about giving me stuff, anyway? You know it’s not my birthday, right?”

“Yeah, I know, but... you’ve been kinda down lately, y’know? I mean, for a while there you were barely even talking,” says Tada.

“It was pretty bad, dude,” Shimono laughs.

“So you’re... trying to cheer me up?”

“Jeez, don’t just say it! You’re embarrassing me!”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Why would they do that? What’s the point? What do they stand to gain from it?

“So Shimono gives me 2D girls... and Tada gives me 3D girls.”

“Dude, don’t point it out, okay?! I already feel inferior enough as it is!”

“Hahaha! Nice one, Uwa!”

Then, out of nowhere, it hits me: I made Tada laugh. I was part of a positive interaction between people, and it barely took any effort at all. It came so naturally.

I’d thought the whole world was against me, but maybe it isn’t. I feel so loved.

Has human connection always been this... warm?

“So, how about it, Uwa?”

“Huh? Oh... Maybe after the Sports Festival, sure.” I can’t bring myself to shoot him down, so I accept his invitation.

“Alright then, it’s settled! Speaking of the Sports Festival...” Tada gives a sardonic laugh.

“Yeahhh... The other teams are all so ridiculously motivated for some reason. We’re totally gonna get our asses handed to us.”

“Totally... Not much we can do about it now, though.”

But somehow I get the sense there’s something more they want to say.

During class, I ignore the drone of my teacher’s voice and lose myself in thought.

I believed it was hopeless. That it was all over. I thought today would be another nightmare... but instead, the world was kind to me for some reason. When I tried to shut myself away from everything, there were people who worried for me... helped me... found me.

Enjouji. Inaba. Nagase. Aoki. Shimono. Tada. Even my mother.

I’m trash for what I’ve done, and yet the world isn’t attacking me for it. It’s... protecting me. I don’t remember it being like this. The world is supposed to be merciless, favoring only those born into good fortune. At least, that’s what I thought. But for the longest time now, I’ve had this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that maybe... I was wrong.

For the first time in forever, I’m in a good mood. Maybe, with a little effort, I might just find the answer I’m looking for.

I look around the classroom. We’re in the middle of Classical Studies right now; some students are taking notes, some are staring into space, and others are passed out on their desks.

Granted, I don’t actually think my answer is literally lying around the classroom.

Then I make eye contact with a male classmate who appears to be as bored of this lecture as I am. He grins at me, and I grin back reflexively. For some reason, I feel the urge to laugh, so I stare down at my desk until the impulse passes. It feels like the two of us are co-conspirators.

Then I realize... I’m smiling. Over this pointless exchange? Why? How is it that I can still smile after all that despair?

Then it hits me: Maybe... just maybe... I’ve been looking at it all wrong.

I thought the world hated me... but maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it loves me.

Think about it. I wasn’t punished, so I couldn’t turn over a new leaf... but that lack of punishment in and of itself is a sign that no one hates me.

What I did to Yui and Taichi was monstrous, and yet the second-years have complete faith that everything will work out... which means it’s really not that big of a deal.

Maybe I’ve just been overthinking this.

Maybe the world isn’t as complicated as I made it out to be—and maybe the reason those “mindless sheep” have it so easy is because they’ve accepted this as fact. Maybe this is the answer I needed.

All of a sudden, it starts to feel like an epiphany. This is why Enjouji and the second-years are met with so much success all the time! And now that I finally understand, surely I’ll start to see results, too. My mood skyrockets, and I feel a rush of adrenaline... No, no, I need to stay calm!

I was in a downward spiral for a long time, but that’s all over now that Enjouji found me. Objectively speaking, this is the start of an upward trend. Now all I have to do is ride this wave—and by that I mean take action.

Spurred on in the heat of the moment, I suppress all my shame and walk over to Enjouji’s desk. She looks up at me. I have to do this. It’s now or never, I tell myself, goading myself onwards.

“Hey, um...”

This is taking all my courage, but god, it’s so humiliating. I’m the one standing over her, and yet somehow it feels like she’s the one looking down on me.

“Sorry about, uh... Saturday and stuff.” I avoid her eyes. “I was just kind of exhausted, you know, physically and mentally.”

“And?”

I expected her to be overjoyed at my initiative, not... whatever this one-word response is supposed to be. It feels like she’s trying to analyze me.

“And... I was wondering if there’s anything I can help with.”

“O-Oh... Right. I see.” She nods stiffly.

“So what did you guys decide to do? About... you know.”

“L-Let’s take this conversation outside.” She drags me out to the hall so our classmates won’t hear. Then, once she’s sure no one else is around, she continues, “Right now, the current plan is to stake out all the places «Heartseed» has turned up lately. We think it can fix the amnesia. A-And since it chose the same nature park to meet up with both you and me, we think that’s probably its go-to place. So yeah, that’s step one. Then the... the other thing we’re doing is taking baby steps with Taichi-senpai and Yui-senpai. We can’t be too direct or else it’ll stress them out too much, so we’ve decided to make friends with them all over again. Oh, and we talked about maybe using the power to create another paradox, you know, sort of like shock therapy, but then we decided against it since it’s so risky. Oh, and the others were saying «Heartseed»’s likely to show itself if we make ourselves ‘entertaining,’ so we’re brainstorming ideas in that vein, too...”

This is a lot of information, all at once. I didn’t realize they’d already established a plan to the point of taking action. That, and I’m impressed Enjouji managed to explain it all without losing her train of thought.

“Gotcha. So, um... What can I do to help?” I ask.

Once again, she levels a probing look at me. “I don’t know.”

It feels like she lowered a rope to pull me out of this hole I’ve dug for myself, only to yank it back up before I can grab it.

“Okay, well, look...!” I start.

What’s your problem? I know I’m late to the party, but I’m here now, and I’m offering to help. Would it kill you to be grateful? Didn’t you want me to “take action and change this” or whatever? I’m finally on an upward trend!

“Um... Just... go ask our senpai, I guess?”

Oh, is that what you want me to do? Alright then.

After school, I stand in the clubroom and bow my head in apology.

“I’m really, really sorry... and, um... I’d like to help with something, if I can.”

My stomach was in knots on my way here, but they’d told me to arrive by a certain time, so I couldn’t afford to be late. Besides, Enjouji told me to do this, so it must be the right answer.

“I know I’m late, but I was just physically and mentally exhausted.”

I look up and gauge their reactions. No warm reception. Inaba, Nagase, and Aoki stare at me with hard looks on their faces... but this is just the prelude to their lighthearted forgiveness, like last time... right?

“Look, Chihiro... Are you committed to this?” Inaba challenges me, her voice cold.

Is she testing me? Yeah, I guess she is. No surprise there.

“Committed? Uh, yeah.”

I don’t really know what she means by that, but regardless, I’m sure I can commit to it.

“...What do you think, Iori?”

“Mmm... I do think we’re going to need Chee-hee’s help, but...”

“But” what? Am I... not welcome here? Am I not needed? Something must be wrong with this picture.

“Let’s just have him do something for right now,” Aoki suggests.

Inaba nods reluctantly, then turns back to me. “So you don’t have any ideas of your own? Really?”

“Huh? Oh, um, I’m not great at... coming up with stuff, so.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“Well... I just...”

“Inaban!” Nagase cuts in.

Why is Inaba so pissy with me? I don’t understand. I said I was sorry for the delay, and now I’m offering to help. Obviously I don’t expect asspats for this. But they’ve already forgiven me for so much! What’s left to get upset about at this point?

Did I go about this the wrong way somehow? Am I misunderstanding some part of this? I thought the world wasn’t actually this complicated. I thought the world loved me. Was I wrong? Please just tell me. I’ve been trying my hardest to take action and look for the answer. Just tell me I’m doing everything I need to!

Turns out, reality isn’t so lenient.

Instead, Inaba sends me home for the day.

□■□■□

When I wake up the next morning, I find an email from Inaba in my inbox summoning me to the clubroom. Feeling guilty, I head over right away. Not like I have the right to decline, after all.

We meet up before class—all seven of us—at which point Inaba gives me the following task:

“Initiate contact with «Heartseed». Ask it to explain the amnesia—and if possible, try to negotiate. But for now, just try to find it.”

I tell her about all the times I met with it previously, and she agrees that the nature park is probably our best bet. Still, «Heartseed»’s always been the one calling the shots, so there’s no telling if it will show up there just because I want it to... Regardless, I’m just relieved to have a task at all. It makes me feel needed... makes me feel like I can contribute.

I listen quietly as the conversation continues.

Before we head off to class, Enjouji asks, “S-Say, um... This is just a thought, but... if «Heartseed» likes to possess Gotou-sensei so much, then sh... shouldn’t we just keep an eye on him?”

“Actually, we’ve already tried that, and we know for a fact it doesn’t work. For whatever reason, that asswipe refuses to possess Gotou while we’re watching,” Inaba explains.

It’s starting to sound like this won’t be easy.

“Oh... I see... Sorry for wasting everyone’s time...”

“Don’t be, Shino-chan! There’s no such thing as a dumb suggestion!”

“O-Oh, okay! I’ll keep that in mind, Iori-senpai!”

She really does seem to fit right in with them.

After school, they send me out to the nature park by myself, and now here I am. Who’d have thought this place would become one of my regular hangouts?

Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen «Heartseed» since it threatened me. If anything, Enjouji was the last person to meet with it. Maybe that means my time is coming.

Fallen twigs crunch underfoot as I walk through the park.

«Heartseed» told me I couldn’t “go back to my ordinary life,” and yet it hasn’t done anything to enforce that. Is it giving me some time before it makes its final decision? Or was it simply referring to the paradox-induced amnesia?

Was my crime its own punishment in and of itself?

If so, then I stood no chance of redemption. I’ll have to bear this guilt for the rest of my life.

So what do I do? Obviously the most ideal outcome would be to get rid of the amnesia, and I know I ought to take steps to work toward that. But is there really a way to cure it...? No, there has to be. More than anything, I need to believe there’s a way to fix it or else I’m fucked.

—Now that you’ve joined me... don’t think for a moment you can go back to your ordinary life—

Stop.

I just... can’t envision how this can have a happy ending.

In fact, now that I think about it, I never once bothered to consider how it would end, right from the very beginning. I wasn’t actually prepared to live in the “extraordinary” world I desired. One tiny taste of power and I thought I was hot shit—that I would transcend to a new level. What “new level”? I didn’t earn any of it. None of it was even my idea.

In my contemplation, I inadvertently wander into a section of the park I don’t recognize.

What am I doing here? I’m only here because someone told me to be. I haven’t stopped to think for myself at all. I’m just happy to be someone else’s puppet.

Wait... What am I supposed to do once I find—?

“Tell me, Uwa-san... Is this how it ends...?”

A voice calls out from the thicket—a voice that seems to crawl up from the depths of Hell itself. Then something enters my vision. Something wearing Gotou’s face.

Dude, school only just ended. Don’t the teachers have to stay at school for a while? What are you doing here? Did you get permission to leave campus for this? And how did you know I was here? How much of this are you controlling, anyway?

Questions upon questions flash through my mind.

«Heartseed» is here. It’s right here. I did it. I made contact. So what do I do now? Ask for an explanation. Negotiate. I wasn’t prepared for this. I know Inaba gave me explicit instructions... but did she explain how I’m supposed to talk to it?

“It seems you haven’t been using your power... Is this the end...?” it asks.

I freeze in place. I can hear my own ragged breathing, thunderous in my ears, and yet at the same time I feel like I’m suffocating. I need more oxygen.

Is it going to do something to me, or am I just paranoid? Is my imagination running away with me?

“Hello...? I’m going to need an answer... Is this really the end...? Because if so... I will end you...”

There’s. Another. Punishment?

Even worse than what I’ve already been through?

What is it? My memories? Will it make me forget?

“You think I’ll stop there...?”

I didn’t say that out loud.

CAN IT READ MINDS?

“D-Don’t... Please don’t... No...!” I whimper, my voice trembling, tears streaming from my eyes, as my knees hit the ground.

“You understand, don’t you...?” Its flat voice frightens me all the more.

All this time, I thought I wanted punishment—that I was disappointed without one. And yet here I am, begging to get out of it. Turns out, what I really wanted was an excuse. That way I wouldn’t have to try.

Its eyes glint in the light. It’s going to get me. I’m fucked.

Someone, please. I know it’s too late. But just this once—I’m begging you, someone, save me!

“Wait... Hhh... «Heartseed»!”

Someone’s here. I’m saved. I turn to look. It’s Enjouji Shino.

“I can’t believe it... It actually showed—Hey, wait!”

Enjouji starts running. I turn back to find «Heartseed» disappearing into the thicket from whence it came.

“W-Wait—Gah! OUCH!” Enjouji trips and falls flat on the ground. “Nnngh...” she groans, pushing herself to her feet. “Wh... What are you doing, Chihiro-kun?! We need to go after it! We need to catch it!”

“...Huh...?” I get to my feet, but «Heartseed» is gone. I can’t hear its footsteps, either.

“We lost him...?” Enjouji mutters, slowing to a stop. “I’d better let the others know...” She takes out her cell phone and dials someone, presumably Inaba. “...Okay, I’ll do that. You guys stand guard outside the school, please.”

I guess they’re serious about catching «Heartseed»... but somehow I get the feeling it’s pointless to do all this, considering it can just switch itself out of Gotou’s body at any time.

Once the call ends, Enjouji puts her phone away.

“Chihiro-kun.”

She looks at me, her expression more vicious than I ever knew she was capable of. Is she... angry?

“Chihiro-kun... why? Why did you just let it go?! Why didn’t you go after it?! That was... That could’ve been our one chance! What happened back there?!”

“Our one chance” to do what? Get me killed? That thing was going to—

“You knew we needed to talk to «Heartseed». You did know that, right?!” she shouts, grabbing me by my collar and shaking me. For once in her life, she’s really letting me have it with no hesitation. “I knew it... The others were right about you all along!”

“Oh yeah?” I mutter. I refuse to tell her that I got too frightened to think straight. It’s too pathetic.

She relinquishes her grip on my uniform and takes a step back.

“Originally they were going to give you a bigger role in their plans. But then you didn’t show up on Saturday, and when you finally turned up on Monday, they said you didn’t seem all that committed.”

They saw through me?

“So they decided to give you free rein to track down «Heartseed», and because you stood the best chance out of everyone, they wanted me to follow you.”

“...You were tailing me?”

“W-Well, obviously I wasn’t hot on your heels or anything like that... but yeah.”

Ah, so that’s why she turned up when she did. I knew it was too perfect to be a coincidence.

So I’m the bait, is that it? Is that all I’m good for...? Yeah, I guess it is.

“...Look, if I’d known you wanted me to catch him, I would’ve. All anyone ever told me was to talk to him.”

“It’s always someone else’s fault with you, isn’t it?”

The words hit me like a ton of bricks, impacting the very core of my being.

“The others have picked up on it, you know. You never take responsibility for anything. You just run away without ever stopping to confront it. You’re afraid of getting hurt, aren’t you?”

I can’t think of any possible way to deny it.

“After I found you in the park that morning and we talked it out, I thought maybe you’d changed... but you haven’t.”

I already humiliated myself enough the first time around, and now it’s happening again. I tried to change, okay? I just can’t make it happen overnight!

“And when you finally did start to take action, once again, you left all the heavy lifting to everyone else.”

Are you done? Or are you having fun ripping me a new asshole?

“Well, what the fuck was I supposed to—Oh.” I cut myself short. This. This is exactly what she’s talking about.

“Look, Chihiro-kun, I admit I don’t have a lot of room to talk, personally. But compared to you, I do. So here goes: How long are you going to keep running? How far do you think you’ll get?”

...I never stopped to think about it.

I thought I was on top of things. I thought I was looking ahead. But in reality, I was just focused on what I could get in the here and now.

Blaming others. Running away without stopping to confront it. Leaving the heavy lifting to everyone else. All my flaws are being shoved in my face, one after another. But none of them took me by surprise, because deep down, I knew. I just didn’t put it together until recently—No, that’s not true; I know myself better than anyone. I was just pretending not to know.

This is just another example of me running from responsibility—and every time I run, I dig myself into a deeper hole.

“Don’t you think maybe you should do something? Or do you just want to let them have amnesia? Do you want Yui-senpai to see you as ‘some guy from the dojo’ for the rest of your life?! And lose everything you built with her?!” Her voice builds and builds until she’s screaming like her entire life hangs in the balance. Her frustration is so raw and overwhelming, it actually helps me keep my composure.

What are we doing? As far as I know, neither of us are generally inclined to get all emotional like this. Or... has Enjouji actually changed as a person? Is she really one of them now?

“You are in love with her, aren’t you?!”

I always aspired to be like her. She was light, and I was darkness, and I wanted so desperately to be close to her. But over time, that puppy love faded. All I could do was admire her sparkle from a distance, because I knew there was no bridging that gap. I was afraid of getting hurt, so I forced it all to the back of my mind.

Then I think back to the day I made her and Taichi lose their memories. I only used the Phantom Projection because I wanted to run away. It was the most reckless and irresponsible thing I’ve ever done... and yet somehow I still didn’t learn my lesson. Instead, I kept running.

“Do you really want it to end like this?!”

Now here I am, with Enjouji jumping down my throat. This is the end of the line for me. This is rock bottom.

There are tears in my eyes—in her eyes, too. Emotions are running high, I guess. Her face crumples... and then, finally, she hangs her head like she can’t take it anymore. A single drop falls to the ground. Then she looks straight up into the sky.

Oh, I get it. If you look down, the tears will fall, but if you look up, they don’t.

So I look up, too. The vast sky hangs above me, filling every corner of my vision—so blue, it hurts. And right now, for some reason, it seems less like a 2D background and more like a physical object with shape and depth.

Turns out the sky is still beautiful, all the way down here at rock bottom.

My tears refuse to recede, so I keep looking. Childish sentiment fills my mind—thoughts like it’s so big and it’s so blue. Yeah, I’m gonna be here a while.

What is it about looking at the sky that makes me want to wax philosophical? Somehow it doesn’t feel right to worry myself over the minor details right now. Instead, I just want to think about... the world.

I always thought the world was cheap. No matter how much effort I put into my studies, on the day of my high school entrance exams, it all came down to luck of the draw. And one single moment of misfortune had the power to change the course of my entire life.

Meanwhile, there was a girl who could spend two years out of practice, then show up at the dojo and blow past everyone who never missed a day of training. And no matter how much I cared for her, she was only ever going to leave me in the dust. I could strive to change myself, to better myself, but I was chained to the bottom as though my position had been preordained by a higher power. The world refused to cooperate.

Oh well. The world around me may be stupid and vapid and stagnant, and maybe there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel, but at least the sky is still beautiful—

Oh.

I’ve already put the pieces together, haven’t I?

At any given moment, the sky will always be up there, vast and beautiful and unchanging.

At any given moment, the world exists unembellished.

Deep down, it all falls into place.

The world doesn’t hate me. It isn’t punishing me. But it isn’t going to love me and coddle me, either. It exists in the exact same way for anyone and everyone. Unchanging. Watching over us.

I looked down on the world and called it worthless... but at the same time, there was a part of it I yearned for. I knew it wasn’t really worthless. But I refused to acknowledge it. Instead, I just kept on trying to convince myself that it was stupid and vapid. Why, you ask? Sadly, the answer is painfully simple: because I wanted to belong to the world I aspired to.

When things didn’t go exactly as I planned, I blamed my own failures on the world being trash. I shrugged my shoulders and absolved myself of any responsibility.

Now, if things had actually worked out, I imagine “the world” would’ve been the greatest thing ever. Not to suggest I had the power to literally change the whole world, obviously—just that my viewpoint was so heavily centered on whether or not I benefited.

In truth, these things were my fault, but I blamed the entire world. I blamed everything on everyone. Not once did I ever put in my own effort. Not once did I stop and think for myself. And yet somehow I had a giant, over-inflated ego that I went to great pains to protect. I never actually accomplished anything substantial.

That was the world I built for myself.

The world exists unembellished, but at the same time, things can appear radically different depending on your perspective. It’s up to the observer to change your outlook and rebuild it.

To me, the world was shitty—because I was a shitty person. To me, the world was tarnished—because my rose-colored glasses were dusty and cracked. But as it turns out, I determine my life’s worth. I choose how to frame it. It’s up to me.

The only reason I’m down here at rock bottom is because that’s how I choose to see it. But Enjouji doesn’t see it like that. So what if I change my perspective? What if I choose to see myself as a spring, fully compressed and storing energy? What if this life-or-death crisis is actually a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? It all depends on how you look at it.

Is this the right answer? Have I finally tracked it down at last? I honestly don’t know. But that doesn’t mean I can shrug my shoulders and wait until someone else tells me what to do. I have to find out on my own.

There’s always going to be a “right answer,” but it’s up to us to believe it’s right.

And now it’s time for me to take responsibility for this reality of my own making.

I look back at Enjouji.

“Ch... Chihiro-kun?” Enjouji asks timidly. She sounds a little alarmed, and I don’t blame her, considering I’ve been standing here staring at the sky for a while.

Just in case, I sweep my hands over my eyes. Dry. Looks like tilting my head up actually helped.

“You’ve really changed, Enjouji.”

“Wh... What?! I have?! Is... Is it really that obvious?!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh... Y-Yay... Yay...!” Once again, she seems uncomfortable expressing joy for some reason. “G-Gosh, I wasn’t expecting you to come right out and say it... Hee hee... Actually, come to think of it, you seem kind of different right now yourself. What’s up?”

“...You can tell?” I wasn’t expecting my change of heart to be so... visible.

“Yeah. I can hear it in your voice.”

Oh. Right. Voice fetish. Go figure.

Still, even if she’s the only one who sees it, that alone feels like proof that it’s a significant change.

“I think... maybe... I’ve found the right answer. Or something like it, anyway. In which case, I have you to thank, so... thank you.”

How long has it been since I actually thanked someone out loud?

“Y-You’re making me blush! But I’m not sure how you could possibly... Well, actually, maybe it is possible,” she corrects herself. “Sometimes the epiphany just hits you, you know? Just a tiny little moment where you discover the real deal.”

“Are you speaking from experience?”

“Yeah... W-Well, I think so.”

“Come on. Have a little more confidence than that.” What happened to the girl who grabbed me by the collar? “Anyway, yeah. Frankly, I don’t know if my answer is the real deal or whatever you called it. Is there a way to tell?”

For some reason, I feel like she’s bound to have the answer. She’s just... incredible. And the more I think about it, the more I start to notice her good points. I feel like I could learn a thing or two from her. Maybe then I’d mature as a person.

“Well, any answer can be phony if you don’t act on it,” Enjouji explains, puffing herself up slightly. Then her lips curl in a mischievous smile that tells me she’s about to let me in on a big secret. “That’s why you have to take action. Turn the illusion into reality.”

Right.

“That reminds me... What was all that crap about me having feelings for Yui-san, you little punk?”

“Wait, what?! Are you saying you don’t?! But... but when I used that power, I specifically said ‘the person Chihiro-kun wants to talk to more than anyone’ and it turned me into her!”

“Just... don’t say I like her ever again!”

“O-Okay! Wait, but... you’re not denying it... You do like her, don’t you?”

“What part of ‘don’t say it ever again’ did you not understand?! And... sorry for... all the trouble I’ve put you through.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean! All the running around and screaming at me and dealing with my shit! Don’t make me spell it out for you! God!”

“Are you apologizing, or are you mad at me? Make up your mind.”

“Oh... Sorry...”

□■□■□

First, I gathered the four remaining members of the CRC in the clubroom. Then I apologized for my behavior, asked them to tell me everything they knew about «Heartseed» and its previous phenomena, then suggested a plan of my own.

“If you guys decide to go through with the paradox plan, I think I should be the one to do it. I’m pretty sure I can still use the power. Also, I think I stand the best chance of finding «Heartseed», so I’m going to try again.”

“O-Okay... I still think it’s too early to try and force a second paradox, though. It’s just too risky,” Inaba replied, looking a little startled.

I figured I’d need to do more than just apologize, which is why I chose to demonstrate my feelings with a calculated plan instead... but maybe it’s still not enough.

“Chee-hee?” Nagase calls, her arms folded, her eyes closed.

“Y-Yes?” I respond.

She slowly opens her eyes... and shoots me a smirk. “You’ve grown up, haven’t you, boy?” she asks in a dramatic, theatrical voice as she points a finger in my face.

“Thank... you...?” I incline my head politely.

“Wait, what?! Who are you and what have you done with Chee-hee?! Is this another impostor?!”

“Somethin’ happen, Chihiro?” Aoki asks.

“I just...” I begin, then hesitate. It’ll sound so fake if I say it out loud—especially to this crowd of actual, genuine people.

“Ch... Chihiro-kun, umm...” Enjouji starts.

Are you about to encourage me? Don’t you dare. You’re going to make me look bad, damn it!

“All this time, I refused to take responsibility for my failures, but really it was all on me. I just... didn’t see it until now. It’s like, the world itself exists unembellished, and what matters is how you look at it... Actually, forget that last part!”

God, I can’t believe I said that... It’s so cringey, it’s not even funny... Kill me now...!

Just then, the second-years all burst out laughing. They’re laughing at me... at what I said... but not in a mean way. Somehow I can tell that they’re not judging me. Weird how that works.

“Good on you, Chee-hee! I knew you had it in you! You’re just a little dark and twisty, that’s all. But now you’ve awakened to your true power!”

“You think I’m dark and twisty...? Okay, well... For the record, I don’t have any power. I’m just average.”

“Then I guess the average guy must be pretty powerful!”

Is that how you’re going to spin this? You goofball.

“You know what? I think it’s high time your senpai gave you some advice,” she continues, her voice deep and manly like some kind of tough-guy persona. “All you need is a little backbone and some self-confidence. As it stands, you’re too wrapped up in what everyone else thinks. Forget about them! Just do things your way. Live by your own values.”

“Gee, now where have I heard that before?” Inaba snarks.

Nagase sticks her tongue out playfully. “Shush!”

“You wanna know how I see it?” Inaba continues. “Don’t put so much weight on perspective. Only a loser would change their outlook and stop there.” She crosses her legs and smirks. “This world is yours for the taking. If you have a problem with it, change it yourself.”

...That has to be the most audacious thing I’ve ever heard.

“Inaban, you’re sooo cool!” Nagase squeals.

“Wow...” Enjouji swoons.

Uh, guys? Is now really the time for jokes? I feel like I walked into a bad teen movie. Don’t you people have any shame?

Or... is being vulnerable what life is really all about?

Just in case, I wait to see if Aoki has anything he’d like to say.

“Hmm? What’re you lookin’ at me for? Oh! Did you want my advice?! Holy crap... This never happens! Normally everyone just pretends I’m not here—Okay, sorry! Don’t give me that look, alright? I’ll get to the point! I’m thinking of something right now! Uhhh... Hmmm...”

But for all his groans and murmurs, his advice turned out to be plain and simple:

“Don’t think. Feel!”

Sounds like Aoki, alright.

I head to the nature park with the goal of hopefully meeting «Heartseed». At this point, I doubt it’ll show up anywhere else.

According to Nagase, once it says it’ll end the phenomenon, it always follows through... or at least “that’s how it’s worked so far.” This has formed the basis of my single, tenuous ray of hope.

No matter what, I have to catch it this time. But how do I fight it? There’s no way I can defeat a supernatural entity... At least, that’s what I believed.

But when it comes down to it, once you actually try, it’s amazing the things you can accomplish. If you take a hard look at what you’re up against, if you set a firm goal and make a plan, you’ll find your breakthrough... and if you can get that far, then you can fight. The only reason I believed I couldn’t fight was because I’d put my head in the sand and refused to look at reality for what it was.

My knowledge of «Heartseed»—its character, its definition of fascinating—will lead me to an answer. And then I’ll take that phony answer and make it the real deal... by putting my money where my mouth is.

It’s so clear to me... I’m dying to get started.

But naturally, now that I’m actually prepared for once, there’s no sign of «Heartseed» anywhere. I walk around the park—around and around and around. Oh, and this time Enjouji is with me, searching just as desperately as I am. Chances are high that «Heartseed» won’t interact directly with the second-years this time around, so it’s up to us. Meanwhile, the others are taking a different, separate approach.

The conversation has died out between us now, and so we walk in silence. The sun is setting; a cool breeze blows past, snapping me out of my hazy reverie, and suddenly my chest feels tight.

“You know... I owe you a lot, Enjouji. Thanks again.” Great, now I’m embarrassed all over again. Didn’t I already thank her once? I should’ve kept my mouth shut. “A-Anyway... I know this isn’t over yet, so I shouldn’t act like it. Not until Yu—Taichi-san and Yui-san get their memories back, anyway.”

This is nowhere near over. I’ve only just taken my position at the starting line.

Enjouji smiles softly. “It’s all thanks to Taichi-senpai for giving me the courage to try... Actually, I wouldn’t have met with him if I hadn’t seen our senpai take action with my own eyes... in which case, I guess it’s all thanks to me for joining the club... a-and thanks to our senpai for being who they are, and to you for being who you are, and... Actually, it never would’ve happened if I hadn’t been born in the first place...”

“Alright, I get it,” I cut in, before she has the chance to attribute everything to the Big Bang or something. It’s really not that deep! I mean, don’t get me wrong, the universe would be pretty different without it... Ugh, forget it.

“You’re right, though. It’s not over yet... Our battle has only just begun.”

“Ah, so you did actually pay attention to what I said.”

Some things never change; she still stammers and hesitates a lot. Apparently, that one time she yelled at me was her “Primal Super Mode” in action. (Personally, I think the name could use some work, but I digress.)

In the end, «Heartseed» never showed up that day... nor the day after that... nor the day after that.

And so the next day after that found us dashing all over the place. We were desperate.

“It... It’s no use... «Heartseed»’s just... nowhere...” Enjouji gasps, doubled over with her hands on her knees.

“So it won’t come out to play unless it wants to, is that it?” I snark, but deep down, I’m furious.

If it won’t play ball, then we’ll have to try a different game altogether... and the others are starting to seriously consider doing shock therapy on Yui and Taichi. I can’t even remember how long it’s been since the two of them last had their memories. My biggest fear is that their amnesia is permanent.

«Heartseed» has powers beyond my wildest dreams—supernatural powers—but it’s not omnipotent. If this is something that’s within its control, then I assume it’s already accounted for it... but during this phenomenon it’s been fairly hands-off. Did it create “backups” of all our memories in the event that its assigned minion (read: me) screwed up? Inaba didn’t seem so sure of that.

On the one hand I wish she wouldn’t scare us like that, but on the other hand, I think the fact that she opened up about her fears at all is proof that she trusts us. Thinking about it like that, it starts to feel like a good thing... kind of.

Recently I’ve come to understand just how important it is to stay strong and keep my thoughts positive.

There was a moment when I went to the clubroom to retrieve the voice recorder I had set up in there so I could throw it in the trash. Curiosity got the better of me, and when I hit the Play button—

“Taichi... Nnhnnn... Taichiiii...!”

—the first thing I heard was Inaba, mourning her lost love.

She had always seemed so competent, so together. And with all of her prior experience paired with her tough outer persona, I mistakenly assumed she was perfectly fine. Superhuman, even. But I was wrong—so, so wrong.

The second-years are every bit as human as we are. They just choose to keep it hidden. To cry in secret. That way they can be the pillars of support Enjouji and I want them to be. And it worked, too; I can’t tell you how many times their strength encouraged me to keep going. Their strength was contagious.

The five of them always seemed so infallible, but now that I think about it, they probably aren’t. They just make it look easy. But there’s more to it than that: they also put in the effort to try to turn the phony infallibility into the genuine article.

There was never any gulf between us. We were on the same level right from the start. And now I’m confident I can be like them.

“Let’s try going back to that one deserted area it seems to like,” I suggest.

“Okay,” Enjouji agrees.

And so we walk the same path we’ve walked a dozen times now.

The CRC has overcome four different phenomena thus far. This was what inspired me to commit to the fight. For a second I got my hopes up, thinking maybe the resolution would end up being easier than I expected—like maybe the world would change its tune the same way I had.

Naturally, this wasn’t the case. The world exists unembellished; it doesn’t bend to the whims of the individual. But that doesn’t mean I can throw in the towel.

And so we push forward in a world that doesn’t come with lower difficulty settings. We take step after step, again and again and again.

Meanwhile, my mind is filled with apprehension. What if «Heartseed» never comes back? Or what if it DOES show up—what if we can’t fight it? What if I’ve lost the right to a happy ending after everything I did? What if it decides to “end” me like it said it would?

That last one doesn’t matter.

You’re just trying to act tough so you can save face.

Yeah, I am. A phony like me only really cares about himself above all else... but right now, I want to at least pretend I’m better than that so I can keep going. It’s fake, but I want to pretend that it’s the real deal. All that matters is that I focus on the goal in front of me. Then maybe someday I’ll be the real deal, too.

I walk and walk and walk. I’m not going to stop. I’m going to keep taking action until I change the world—

And then «Heartseed» actually appears.

It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for, and yet I freeze, rooted to the spot. It’s wearing Gotou’s face, but at the same time, it radiates a distinctly inhuman vibe that threatens to consume the whole park.

It’s «Heartseed», alright.

My knees go weak, and my legs threaten to give out entirely.

“It... It’s here...!” Enjouji grabs the hem of my uniform.

I’m up to bat. It’s my plan. I have to do this—

“Y... You need to do something, damn it!”

“What?! M-Me...?!”

“No, not you, idiot! I’m talking to «Heartseed»!”

This is stupid. It isn’t working. It sounded a lot cooler in my head, but I guess real life just doesn’t work that way.

Calm down. It’s going to be okay. We have a plan, remember? Just follow the script.

«Heartseed» stands there wordlessly—so quiet, it’s hard to tell if it’s even alive.

Then, suddenly, its mouth moves:

“Uh... It seems like... you’ve been looking for me pretty hard recently... Oh, but... normally I wouldn’t show myself... It’s just that... things are getting stagnant...”

“Does that mean... you’re going to quit?” I ask.

“Not necessarily. It can be fun to let things stew for a while...”

Damn it, what happened to “it ends the phenomenon once it gets bored”?

“L-Listen, um... «Heartseed»-san... Are you... c-capable of... fixing the amnesia?” Enjouji asks, her tone bizarrely formal.

“If it’s more entertaining not to... then I don’t think I will.”

In other words, yes, it totally can if it wants to.

“Oh, and... I think that was the first time anyone’s ever called me ‘«Heartseed»-san’... I’m flattered...”

“Y-You’re welcome...”

Why does it care about that? Seriously, it’s ruining the dramatic tension.

“Hey, «Heartseed»! You can fix them, right? Then do it. Just n-name your—p-price.” The words catch in my throat as the entity turns its piercing, half-lidded gaze to me. The tiniest shift in its expression has the power to halt my momentum.

“I’m impressed to hear that from you of all people, Uwa-san.”

It’s taunting me.

“Lest we forget... you gave up on making things entertaining for me... For that matter... this is a problem of your own making, is it not...?”

I can’t deny that. In any other circumstance, I would have no right to try to bargain for this. I’m clearly at the end of my rope, and I want to turn tail and run...

But really, that’s just all in my head. I know I can find another way as long as I’m willing to put in the effort to look for it. Besides, I don’t have to play by the rules when we already know this thing isn’t bound by common sense. There’s got to be an opening somewhere.

So I start prodding.

“Okay, then... all I have to do is spice things up, right?!”

The sharp glint in its eye fades until it’s just staring at me blankly.

“So I’ll do it! You want spicy, I’ll give you spicy! So in return, you have to fix Yui-san and Taichi-san! Those are the terms, shithead!”

The vulgar insult keeps my morale up.

“Like I said, Uwa-san... I don’t think you’re in any position—”

“I could tell everyone what I used my power for!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “I could tell them about all my cringey twisted fantasies! I could read them my old middle school diary!”

My mind tells me to stop, but I ignore it and press on. If I stop now, it’s game over.

“I could tell them all exactly what I think of them, right to their face! What else... Look, I’ll do whatever you want! This stuff is bound to be entertaining! Oh, and you can have your stupid Phantom Projection back! I don’t want it!”

“Phantom Projection?” «Heartseed» and Enjouji repeat back in unison.

“Oh, uh... Th-That’s just what I’ve been calling the power you gave us! It doesn’t matter, okay?!”

I’ve never felt more embarrassed about my own naming sense in all my life.

“I... I’ll do stuff, too! Anything you want! I’ll do my best! Please!” Enjouji joins in. This is turning from a negotiation into outright begging, and I’m starting to think she’s not on the same page as me.

“Haah... Let’s see... You’re offering to entertain me... and in exchange, you wish for me to cure Yaegashi-san and Kiriyama-san of their amnesia... and take your powers away... Is that right?”

Faint hope sparks in my chest. It’s working. This might actually be working!

“But still... I feel like those things fall short of the ‘entertaining’ benchmark... For example, what if you did something you’ve always wanted to do...?” «Heartseed» suggests, and all at once, it feels like it’s seen right through me—right down to my heart’s deepest desires. It’s humiliating. I don’t want anyone to see that. And yet... I’m already at rock bottom.

“Then I’ll confess my love to Yui-san! Right in front of the whole club, if you want!”

I know «Heartseed» already saw this coming, but still.

“Hmmm... Well, that would be more... effective...”

Is it working? Is «Heartseed» going to go for it?

“But... what if I still refuse...?”

Give me a break. I’ve done everything I can... Well, okay, not quite. But I’ve played all the cards in my hand. I don’t have anything left.

“Then you can erase my memories in exchange!” a voice shouts.

That wasn’t me.

Which means it can only be Enjouji.

“Erase my m-memories of the CRC... in exchange for giving theirs back...? Y-You can do that, right? And besides, it’s a fair trade!”

She’s so reckless. Her logic, her methods, everything. Then I realize she isn’t clinging to my hem anymore. She’s prepared. She’s committed herself to this.

Am I really going to let myself lag behind her again? Am I that much of a loser, or is she just that cool? The answer is both—but I can choose how I frame it.

In which case, I choose to believe that Enjouji’s a badass. Someday, I promise, I’m going to catch up to her. And then I’m going to leave her in the dust.

It’s just a phony promise for now, but no matter where the world takes me, someday in the far future, I’m going to make it the real deal.

“You can erase mine, too! Two for two! Equivalent exchange!”

I have to fix this, even if it means I have to lose those perfect moments we shared. The CRC pentagon isn’t complete without Nagase, Inaba, Yui, Taichi, and Aoki... and if I admire them as much as I claim, then it’s only right that I do this.

It’s my turn to commit. Here is where it all ends—because this is where it begins.

“How about it, «Heartseed»?!”

My actions will change my world—

“...And if I still refuse...?”

—or not.

“No... Come on...!” Enjouji whispers, her voice shaky.

I admit, I saw it coming. There have been countless times over the course of my life where Lady Luck was simply never going to be in my court, no matter how hard I tried. It wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular—sometimes these things work out, and sometimes they don’t. But... I thought for sure this time would be different.

Just this once, don’t I deserve—

No... I need to win this myself!

“If I refuse... what will you do then?” «Heartseed» presses.

This is the end. I have to claw my way through it. I have to dig and dig and dig until I find it. There’s still something I can do... I’m not out of options unless I let myself believe it, so just make it happen! Surely there’s something!

“Haah... If that’s all you’ve got—”

Argh, I’m out of time!

“Come on, I... I’m gonna cry, damn it!”

Silence.

A bird twitters in the background.

Of all the places, of all the times, of all the moments in which to say “I’m gonna cry,” this was not one of them.

“Pffha—mmph! Pfff!” Enjouji desperately tries to suppress a snicker. “I... I’m sorry, Chihi—pffffhaha!”

“Enjouji! Don’t laugh!”

And right as I’m distracted—

“Pfff... Don’t be ridic—Huh?”

—I hear «Heartseed»’s voice.

But something’s different. I can feel it in my gut.

I turn to find it standing there in shock—an expression it’s never made before.

When I pause to figure out what’s different, I realize: it’s so natural. This feels like «Heartseed»’s real, natural expression. Its real emotions.

“Did I just... laugh...?”

Its voice is so clear and transparent compared to its usual air of mystery. What’s going on? Has something affected «Heartseed»?

“I think this is as far as we’re going to get... I was always curious about having someone else do the work for me, but this? This is an unexpected boon... I mean, this is just so... so entertaining... Truly entertaining...!”

Though its energy levels are as low as ever, «Heartseed» is clearly excited about something. It’s enjoying the moment. This is our big chance.

I summon up all my courage... The words catch in my throat. This is the end. It’s time to reel in my victory and set things right.

“S-See?! Entertaining, isn’t it?! You just said so yourself! I won’t let you pretend you didn’t! Now then, that entertainment is our collateral! Give them their memories back, and we’ll entertain you even more! So just—”

“Alright.”

Just like that, my victory arrives without any buildup or fanfare.

Meanwhile, «Heartseed» continues to chuckle to itself like it’s forgotten that we’re standing here.

□■□■□

And so Kiriyama Yui and Yaegashi Taichi regained their memories and returned to the Cultural Research Club without any residual symptoms.

Once the seven of us had reunited, I explained everything that had happened in as much detail as possible, starting with the day I met «Heartseed» and ending with the conversation in which it agreed to take our powers away and put things back to normal. Needless to say, it was a long, long story, but I wanted them to have all the context before making the final call.

Even with Enjouji’s help, this story took not one, but two full days to tell, and by the time I was done, I had talked myself hoarse. I finished with yet another apology—not because I wanted their forgiveness, but because I wanted to express the remorse I felt.

I figured the chances were likely I’d get thrown out of the club, or worse... and yet no one attacked me over it, not even the two biggest victims, Yui and Taichi. Instead, we ended up in an apology battle, second-years versus first-years. I guess I should’ve seen that coming.

The five of them claimed this all happened “because we kept you in the dark about «Heartseed» and its phenomena,” but honestly, I have no right to complain. After all, I wasn’t forced into this against my will. I had every opportunity to decline... but I didn’t. I chose to get involved.

“Alright, that’s enough! Everybody forgives everybody! The end!” Nagase calls, clapping her hands to put an end to all the apologies and counter-apologies. “Now then! Chee-hee, Shino-chan, do you guys want to stay in the club? Because if we’re being honest, we can’t guarantee this won’t happen again. And probably more than once.” She fights to keep her tone light and casual, but even then, she can’t completely hide her tension.

“And next time, there’s no guarantee we’ll make it out unscathed,” Inaba mutters, looking away.

“Fair warning, sometimes these things can really affect your grades. One time I even failed a test ’cuz of it! No, really, it was all «Heartseed»’s fault!”

“Don’t listen to him, guys.”

“Don’t worry, Iori-senpai, I won’t. That’s our Moroki... I mean, Aoki-senpai!”

“Wow, that’s the most hurtful thing anyone’s ever said to me! Did you tell her to call me that, Inabacchan?!”

“Pipe down, Moroki. I’m just passing on CRC tradition to the next generation, that’s all.”

“Wait, what?! I was joking! How could you?!”

Taichi glances at Aoki, then turns back to us. “Seriously, though, these phenomena can cause real problems for the people around you. Your family could be affected.”

“Taichi’s such a great guy for putting his family first... but regardless, I’m not okay with his infatuation with his little sister! It’s unacceptable, got it?!”

“I’m afraid I must ask you to air your grievances with your boyfriend at another time, Ina-bashful-sensei,” Nagase cuts in dutifully.

“Yeah, like... If you wanted to quit the club or whatever, I’d, like, totally understand and stuff,” Yui chimes in. “N-Not like we couldn’t still hang out, obviously, so yeah.”

Despite her best intentions, it’s plainly obvious how she actually feels on the subject. Classic Yui.

I look at Enjouji. She looks at me. Then, without a word, we nod in unison. At some point we became quite the dynamic duo, though strictly in the platonic sense. I can’t really see the two of us dating... at least, not right now.

Our decision made, we turn back to the others.

“I’m staying.”

“Please let me stay.”

«Heartseed»? Supernatural phenomena? Bring it on. I won’t let it stop me. I’m not the coward I once was.

«Heartseed» has its limits. The whole world has its limits. And in both cases, as long as you keep your head up, you can survive. Granted, I’m not the most confident in my ability, but right now, the CRC has welcomed us back with open arms... and for the first time, I really feel like I’m one of them.

“But still... I feel awkward getting off scot-free with no punishment,” I mutter.

“Oh yeah? You need some kind of punishment to help you put it behind you, is that it?” Inaba asked.

“Y-Yeah, I guess...”

For a moment, her smile turns sadistic, and I shrink back... but I know it’s too late to run.

“Let’s see... Well, now that everything’s come to a close... That reminds me!” She slams her fist down on the table. “We may have forgiven you for using the Phantom Projection against us, but those individual events are still up for debate, damn it! You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you, you little rat?!”

“Eeek...! Y-Yes ma’am!”

“First of all... How dare you make me strip and pose for your little photos, you little prick! You corrupted my innocence! You want that content, you’d better cough up the cash to pay for it!”

“I... I’m sorry!” I incline my head in apology.

“Excuse me?! The hell did you do to my girlfriend, asshole?! Wait... Inaba, you make it sound like you don’t mind as long as he pays you!”

“Don’t forget the time he punched me in the face!”

“I’m really sorry!” I bow even more deeply to Taichi and Aoki.

“And lest we forget, Chee-hee-san, you messed with my heart, too.”

“I’m really, really sorry!” I bow to Nagase until my nose almost touches the table.

“Oh yeah, and you tricked me into telling you all that embarrassing stuff! Now I can never get married! What are you going to do about it, huh?!”

“I’m really, really, really super sorry!” I press my face all the way into the table. “I’m sorry for all of it! I’ll do anything!”

“Anything? In that case, I have a proposal for you.”

Inaba’s eyes glint sharply, and I can tell she’s going to make me put my money where my mouth is... No, that’s okay. I deserve it. Go ahead.

“Your punishment is... to get your class in gear and help Green Team win the Sports Festival! And if we fail, you can kiss your hair goodbye!”

She’s going to shave my head?! I’m not even on the baseball team!