Chapter 7: Conclude and Begin Anew

The next morning, Yaegashi Taichi inadvertently discovered the identity of the third party who had witnessed that little incident that had taken place between him and one Kiriyama Yui. This knowledge came to him when Fujishima Maiko, president of Class 1-C, shoved her finger at his face and demanded to know whether he’d been at the park last night with a girl. Evidently she’d passed by while walking her pet bulldog.

Naturally, he chose to lie about it.

“Wh-What are you talking about, Fujishima? I wasn’t at any park last night!”

Lately it seemed as though fate itself kept trying to pull Fujishima into their affairs.

“Oh really now? So it wasn’t you I saw squabbling with a small, long-haired girl?”

“I haven’t ‘squabbled’ with anyone!”

“But you don’t deny the rest of it?” Her eyes glinted sharply behind her lenses.

“I... I’m denying all of it, okay?!”

“Hmmm... Well, it was pretty dark, so perhaps my eyes were simply playing tricks on me. I apologize for jumping to conclusions.”

He didn’t have anything against Fujishima, and didn’t enjoy lying to her... and now her apology weighed even further on his conscience—

“Just when I thought I’d caught you cheating...” she muttered, looking away.

—Never mind.

Taichi had half a mind to point out he couldn’t cheat on a girlfriend he didn’t have, but Fujishima continued.

“I’ll let it go, then. Oh yes, that reminds me. While I have you, I’d like to ask... Is something going on with you lately?”

“Whuh?! I mean, uh... you think so? Personally, I’d say I’m the same as ever.”

“Hmmm... It appears Inaba-san and Nagase-san have been acting strangely, too. As your class president, I’m concerned there might be some problem with your club.”

“I don’t think so...? Then again... It has been a full six months since we first met. Maybe we’re finally starting to be ourselves around each other...?”

“I see... That’s all well and good, then. But mark my words,” Fujishima replied, pointing her index finger in his face again. “One day your luck will run out, and I will find the chink in your armor.” With that, she turned and walked off.

Meanwhile, Taichi was starting to think he really needed to clear up her misunderstanding about him.

And that was when Nagase Iori walked up and sat in the desk in front of his. A desk that wasn’t hers. She fixed him with a long glare.

“You suuure that wasn’t you? Because ‘small, long-haired girl’ sounds an awful lot like Yui.”

“Wh... You were eavesdropping?! Look... The world’s full of small, long-haired girls, okay? It could have been anyone!”

If she’d witnessed his lie, he had no choice but to keep it up.

“Right. Well, either way, I guess it’s none of my business whether you were there or not... Man, that punk... Was she just making stuff up...?” Nagase muttered sulkily, pouting her lips.

Lately (provided no one had more pressing matters to attend to, of course) the five members of the Cultural Research Club had gotten into the habit of meeting up in the clubroom after school every day. After all, if they contained themselves to a single room, it would limit any potential trouble caused by the body-swap phenomenon.

Each had their own preferred activities. Inaba Himeko was always doing something or other on her laptop; Nagase liked to read manga; Kiriyama had gotten really into bead crafts; Taichi usually caught up on his studies; and Aoki Yoshifumi bothered each of them in turn with his desperate need for attention.

That day found Taichi in his usual habit of doing homework—and, surprisingly, Aoki had joined in. (Apparently he had an assignment due the next day.) Inaba glanced at them out of the corner of her eye as she typed. After they had all settled in, Nagase and Kiriyama entered the clubroom.

“ ‘Sup, y’all!” Nagase flung her bookbag onto the couch before walking over to it. As she passed Taichi, she gave him a clap on the back. “Hi there, Taichi!”

“Guh! Why are you acting like you haven’t seen me all day? We just talked, like, fifteen minutes ago!”

“Aw, I was just going along with your vibe!”

“What? I didn’t even say anything! Clearly it was your vibe!”

Must be nice to be so easygoing.

And then he felt another, harder slap on the back.

“H-Hi there, T-Taichi!”

“Ow!” He whipped around to find Kiriyama standing there, smiling shyly. “Oh... Hey, Kiriyama.” He smiled back at her. A moment passed; meanwhile, she continued to slap his back over and over. “C-Could you maybe chill out with that?”

At his request, Kiriyama finally pulled her hand away, though he was pretty sure he already had a bruise, or at least some redness. “Listen, Taichi... I’m kinda starting to get back into martial arts and pro wrestling and all that stuff. We should talk sometime,” she told him quietly, almost like she couldn’t quite believe what she was saying.

“Sure, no problem!” Taichi exclaimed, leaning in. “Heck, we could start right now if y—”

“I’ll pass for right now!” Kiriyama blurted out, shaking her head and holding her hands up in a “settle down” gesture. “Some other time, though.”

Aw, no need to be shy, silly!

It occurred to him that perhaps her androphobia was part of the reason she’d gotten so obsessed with cutesy things. Maybe she’d wanted to run away to a world where men couldn’t follow.

As he considered it, he realized Nagase, Inaba, and Aoki were all staring at them, mouths agape.

“...What’s goin’ on with you two?” Aoki asked, his expression hardening.

“Uhhh... Well...” Unsure where to begin, Taichi glanced at Kiriyama.

“Nothing! Nothing at all!” she blurted out hastily, her cheeks bright red, as she hurried to the chair at the opposite corner of the table and began to dig through her bookbag.

Meanwhile, the other three continued to gape at them. Aoki looked between Kiriyama and Taichi; Nagase stared dully at Taichi, eyes hooded, the rest of her face still hidden behind a volume of manga.

Awkward...

Still, if Kiriyama wasn’t comfortable talking about it, then he wasn’t about to push it. Clearing his throat, Taichi turned back to the table.

“I... I gotta go to the bathroom!” Kiriyama blurted, jumping to her feet and dashing from the room. Apparently the atmosphere was a little too tense for her.

Nagase waited until she was gone, then muttered, “That’s funny. We already stopped by the bathroom just before we got here.”

“What’s goin’ on here, Taichi?! Did somethin’ go down between you two last night?! She seemed totally diff’rent on the phone yesterday!” Aoki howled.

“Nothing ‘went down,’ okay? We... We just talked, that’s all. Hardly any different from whatever phone call you guys had.”

“How’d you two get so buddy-buddy after one measly talk?! When it comes to me, she never even... Dang it, I knew you’d be my biggest competition! And it’s even worse considering you aren’t even trying! That’s it... Iori-chan! We need to plan our strategy!”

“Wh-What’s any of this got to do with me?! Not sure I see how I factor into this, personally!”

As Aoki and Nagase started to bicker, Inaba leaned forward across the table with a look in her eye that said she wasn’t about to let him off the hook. “So. What actually happened?”

“Like I said, it was nothing major! Seriously! I just gave her a little encouragement, that’s all. The rest was all her.”

It was the truth, after all.

Inaba blinked a few times, then let out a soft chuckle. “Wow... So it turns out this body-swapping business actually has its upsides, huh? Then again, maybe part of it had to do with you being involved...” Somehow she seemed sincerely impressed. She smiled softly at him, then sat back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling. After a moment, she pressed both hands over her face. “I, on the other hand, only saw our imminent destruction...”

She sounded so... feeble.

And as it turned out, that was no coincidence—for that was the day Inaba collapsed.

“Okay, I’ve got an errand to run. In the meantime, you be a good girl and get some rest. If Gotou-sensei shows up before I get back, tell him I say hi.” With that, the school nurse Yamada Momoka (age 30, divorcée) left the infirmary.

“Inaban... I thought you died...!” Nagase whispered, teary-eyed and anxious.

“I’m not gonna die from a little dizzy spell, dummy,” Inaba retorted as she lay on the infirmary bed.

Nagase had been a little overly panicked the whole way here.

Kiriyama sighed, looking utterly exhausted. “That nearly gave me a heart attack... You hit the floor like a sack of potatoes!”

“I’ve just been feeling a little under the weather lately... It’s no big deal. Honestly, I don’t really need to be here.”

“Shame on you, Inabacchan! You need to take better care of yourself!” Aoki scolded, for what was probably the first time in his life.

“Yes, Mom,” Inaba responded sarcastically.

A short while later, Gotou Ryuuzen walked into the infirmary. As advisor to Class 1-C as well as supervisor for the Cultural Research Club, Inaba’s well-being was his responsibility.

“Hey there, Inaba! You doing alright? Oh, hey, I see we’ve got the whole club in attendance.” He sounded rather chipper considering one of his students had passed out at school.

“Sorry to trouble you, Gotou. You may leave now.”

“Like I said, you could stand to treat your teachers with a bit more... Eh, forget it.” Apparently he was willing to let it slide. “So, uh, where’s Yamada-sensei?”

“She said she had an errand to run. According to her, and I quote, ‘Inaba-san collapsed due to extreme fatigue. A little bed rest and she’ll be right as rain.’ End quote.” Taichi explained.

“Thanks, Yaegashi. So tell me, Inaba, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” Inaba declared flatly.

“I see. Well, fair enough. I’m inclined to go with Yamada-sensei’s recommendation, anyway. Now then... Seeing as I’ve got all of you gathered here, I might as well mention the other thing...”

“Oh!” Kiriyama exclaimed as the realization hit her. “We haven’t turned in the manuscript for this month’s Culture Bulletin!”

“Oh,” the other four said in unison.

Despite all the time they’d been spending together, their club had been the furthest thing from their minds. Still, the Bulletin was their sole task—the one function that served as a pretext for the CRC’s continued existence.

“Oh yeah,” Gotou piped up belatedly. “Come to think of it, you folks missed the deadline.”

“Sorry, Gotou. We’re kind of in the middle of investigating a pretty big lead right now, so I don’t think we’ll be able to submit this month’s manuscript in time. Can we double the size of next month’s issue instead?”

Inaba rattled off an excuse with no hesitation. Her ability to lie under pressure was sincerely astounding at times.

“Got yourselves a large-scale investigation, huh? But our agreement states the Culture Bulletin needs to be submitted on a monthly basis or else... Eh, forget it.” Apparently he was willing to let that slide, too.

For once, Taichi was sincerely grateful for Gotou’s dereliction.

At the end of the day, the other four members of the CRC decided that they needed to walk Inaba home, just in case. She insisted she didn’t need it, claiming that a four-person escort would be—in her words—fucking obnoxious, so instead they settled on a limit of two people. Thus, after a round of rock-paper-scissors, the winners were determined: Taichi and Nagase.

And so the three of them took the train, chatting idly all the way to Inaba’s stop. From there, it was only about a ten-minute walk to her house. As for Inaba herself, her complexion was still a bit pale, but her sass was already back in full force.

“Alright, Taichi, it’s time you told us what really happened between you and Yui yesterday,” she announced abruptly.

“That’s your segue? Just ‘alright, Taichi’? No preamble?!”

“Who gives a shit about preamble? Look, if you don’t tell me, I’m just gonna keep obsessing over it until I pass out all over again...!” Inaba slung her arm over his shoulders and collapsed against him like a staggering drunk.

“Nngh! Don’t use your health as blackmail! That’s cheating!”

“Besides, Iori wants to know, too. Don’t you, Iori?”

“Verily, as your trusted comrade, I must seek the truth of the matter,” Nagase replied in her best thespian voice.

“Huh?” Inaba whispered, tilting her head. Apparently that wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting. “...Okay, well, there you have it. See? You heard the woman!”

“But... I’m not sure Kiriyama would be comfortable with me talking about it...”

“Oh my god, you’re so frustrating! Look, if it was something personal, we wouldn’t be prying in the first place. We’re only asking because we know it’s okay!”

“Yeah! If you won’t tell us, then I might start questioning how much we all really trust each other... and the emotional devastation might just knock me out, too...!”

“N-Not you too, Nagase! You’re both terrible people, you know that?!”

“Yeah... I...” Just when she’d gotten Nagase on board for her ploy, Inaba seemed to lose her momentum. She fell silent, grimacing. Was she feeling sick again? No, maybe this was something else... But before Taichi could ask about it, she looked up again. “Anyway, if you don’t start talking, I’m gonna scream ‘Help! He’s touching my body!’ ”

...It seemed he had no choice but to concede.

And so Taichi gave them the general overview of what he’d done to help Kiriyama overcome her trauma.

Naturally, Inaba reacted exactly as expected. “Pfffhahahaha! You sure have some crazy ideas, you goddamn martyr! That’s some shock therapy, alright! Good god almighty!”

But Nagase was a different story.

“I knew Yui didn’t like boys, but... androphobia...? She can’t even touch them? How could I not notice something like that...?” She stared at the ground and shook her head, swinging her silky ponytail. “I can’t even pretend to be a decent friend...!”

Where did that come from? Why was she overreacting? Taichi didn’t know.

“Nagase, listen to me.” He leaned in, and Nagase looked up to meet his gaze. Her damp eyes glittered like jewels. “I don’t think Kiriyama wants us to feel guilty, or walk on eggshells, or make this any more awkward than it needs to be. I’m pretty sure she hates that kind of thing.” He remembered the way she looked yesterday, crying after Aoki apologized. “You don’t need to overthink this. Just treat her the same as always. I guarantee you that’s what she wants.”

In her shoes, Taichi knew he’d probably want the same.

“What do you mean... ‘the same as always’...?” Her voice shook.

“You know what I mean! Just talk to her the exact same way you always have. Look, I told you, you don’t need to think too hard about it. Just act natural and be yourself around her. I mean, c’mon... She always seems so happy when she’s goofing off with you.”

“Is... Is that really all I need to do?”

“Yeah, I’d say so.” He wasn’t just telling her what she wanted to hear—he sincerely believed it.

“Pfff... I knew it. You two are a match made in heaven,” Inaba cut in. “One thing’s for damn sure: you both need each other.”

“I-Inaban! Can you please quit bringing that up a billion times?!”

“Huh?” Taichi blinked. “What do you mean, ‘a billion times’?”

“She keeps going on and on about how we’re... you know... ‘hubba hubba’ or whatever!”

Did Inaba have the same “you two should hook up” conversation with her, too?

That would certainly explain why Nagase had been acting a little strange lately.

“Yeah, well, sue me! You guys are ‘hubba hubba’! I’m just telling it like it is!” Inaba paused. “Come to think of it, Yui’s probably got a baby crush on Taichi, too.”

“Bwaaagh?!” Taichi blurted.

“I-Inaban...! You don’t have to be so blunt about it!”

“What? It’s the truth! There’s something about a martyr that makes people get all weak in the knees. I mean, when you’re willing to sacrifice yourself for someone, they’re bound to get certain ideas, don’t you think? Anyway... Don’t you dare hurt Iori or Yui, you got that? Otherwise I’m gonna rip you a new asshole.” She hesitated. “And don’t forget... Sometimes kindness hurts, too.”

“Y-Yes, ma’am!” Taichi answered, saluting his captain.

“As long as it doesn’t turn into some love triangle nonsense... Oh, wait, Aoki makes four... Alright, whatever. My point is, I don’t care what you do, as long as it doesn’t turn into a bloodbath.”

Evidently Inaba had a lot of opinions on the subject.

Before long, they arrived at Inaba’s house. Ignoring her protests, Taichi and Nagase walked her all the way to the front gate.

“Sorry for all the trouble today, you two.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just get some rest.”

“Inaban, I know you’re always fussing over the rest of us, but right now you need to focus on your health, okay?”

“I’ll be fine... Seriously...” Inaba averted her gaze and smiled in a wry, self-deprecating sort of way. She walked through the fancy European-style garden to the front door... then stopped short and turned back. “Oh, that reminds me,” she said pointedly. “I almost forgot... Iori, you should have Taichi fix you, too.”

For Taichi, this comment came entirely out of left field—but he could tell the implication was serious, judging from the look of shock on Nagase’s face.

“Inaban... You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone...”

A chill ran down his spine.

Her voice was flat, her expression frosty like an ice sculpture.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Taichi, I know you have what it takes. Help her out, would you?” With that, Inaba turned and strode off into the house, her back perfectly straight. Apparently she wasn’t going to stop fussing over the others anytime soon.

With Inaba safely delivered to her house, all that remained was to head home themselves... and yet an uncomfortable tension hung in the air between Taichi and Nagase. Unfortunately, it had everything to do with Inaba’s last little comment.

Do I ask about it? Do I confront it? Do I rise to the challenge?

The more he asked himself, the more it became clear there was only one answer.

“So, Nagase... what did she mean by ‘fix you’?” he asked, finally.

But Nagase ignored him and kept walking.

Rather than keep prodding, Taichi fell silent as well. Would she prefer they pretend like he never asked?

But then—

“She thinks she knows everything... She needs to mind her own business. I mean, yeah, I know she only does it ‘cuz she cares, and it’s usually the right thing to do anyway...” Nagase continued to stare straight ahead without meeting his gaze. “So, do you wanna hear my life story, Taichi? I don’t mind talking about it... but you have to promise you’ll treat me the same as always, no matter what.”

She kept her eyes on the road ahead of her, almost as though she was afraid to see the look on his face. Like a glass ornament that might shatter at the slightest touch.

What pain could she be carrying locked up inside? It felt too risky to cross the threshold when he didn’t know the depths of the darkness that lay beyond. Once he knew, he would never be able to un-know.

But no matter how great the risk...

“Okay, I promise. And I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

He had to accept it. That was the first step. And without taking that step, he was powerless to do anything. Without taking that step, he couldn’t even plan for a second step, much less “fix” her.

“I knew you’d say that.” At last, the tension broke, and Nagase smiled sheepishly, her joy and pain evident on her face. The sight gave him déjà vu—he was pretty sure Kiriyama had smiled at him like that, too. But what was the implication there?

At her suggestion, the two of them sat down on a low concrete barrier that served to fence off a nearby parking lot. Nagase swung her legs forward with a loud, exaggerated sigh.

“I don’t really super want to talk about this crap... and I know I should probably just keep it to myself... but after everything Inaban said, I pretty much have to tell you, don’t I? Otherwise you’ll just obsess over it nonstop.”

“Yeah... I admit, I don’t think I could ignore it, especially since she said I’ve ‘got what it takes’ or whatever.”

“Yeahhh...” Nagase kicked at a pebble, and it bounced right into the ditch. “Alright, let’s talk about it.”

Nagase held his gaze for a long moment, her eyes like black pearls. As it turned out, there was something truly awe-inspiring about a beautiful, perfectly blank face like hers. Once she found whatever it was she was looking for in Taichi’s eyes, she opened her mouth to speak.

“...But first, I think I’ll start us off with a joke!”

“......What?”

Give me a break!

“Well, we started with a joke last time, remember? Last time we had one of these deep conversations, just the two of us? Oh, but technically I was [Aoki] that time... Well, anyway, I just think it’s a good idea to keep with tradition!”

“No thank you! No joking necessary! Why is it that whenever we have a serious moment together, you always feel the need to ruin it?!”

Why couldn’t she just take this seriously?

“And yet, for some reason, in times like these... I can never think of a good one, you know?!”

“Then don’t bother!”

“And there you have it! That was my ‘tries to tell a joke but can’t think of one’ joke. Whaddya think?”

“What do you mean, what do I think?! You can keep your ‘tries to tell a joke but can’t think of one’ jokes! I didn’t want you to tell a joke in the first place!”

“Okay, whatever. I know you didn’t want the joke. I just want to make sure you understand that I could, in fact, think of a few other jokes, but instead purposely chose this ‘tries to tell a joke but can’t think of one’ joke as my joke!”

“Yes, I get it! Out of all your other jokes, you purposely chose the ‘tries to tell a joke but can’t think of one’ joke as your joke! Okay?!”

“Actually, my ‘tries to tell a joke but can’t think of one’ joke wasn’t just a one-off joke but in fact all part of an elaborate scheme to manipulate you into saying the word ‘joke’ with me a bunch of times as a callback to the ‘bleep’ joke! ...Oh god, I said it so many times, the word ‘joke’ doesn’t feel real anymore...”

“I had a feeling that’s what you were going for, damn it!”

“You’re actually really good at playing along, you know that?”

“I’m not doing it on purpose! It just kinda happens whenever I’m around you!”

Why were they sitting here, goofing off in a random parking lot?

“Anyway, back on topic.” Nagase’s smile suddenly vanished, replaced by an empty stare. “I have five dads, see. Oh, but technically only three of them were ever made ‘official,’ I guess. Anyway.”

Out of nowhere, Taichi found himself face-to-face with Nagase’s darkness—and he wasn’t ready for it.

“Wait, so... your mom got divorced and remarried a bunch of times?”

“Yup! It’s no big deal, though. They each had their own oddities, but none of them were actually bad people. Some of them tried to bond with their new stepdaughter... some of them wished I didn’t exist... and some of them had kids of their own. But no matter what, I always did my best to get along with them.”

Taichi had no personal experience to speak from, so he couldn’t say for sure... but it sounded like hell on earth to suddenly have to treat four strangers and however many of their children as “family.”

“Obviously it wasn’t very hard. All I had to do to make it work was change myself.”

“What do you mean, you changed yourself...?”

Nagase stared down at the concrete parking bumpers. “My second dad—that is, my first stepdad—had some... issues. I was in first or second grade back then, and... well, to put it simply, he was the violent type. Oh, but that’s not the root of my trauma or whatever. To be honest, I don’t really have any ‘scars’ in that sense. So you can’t actually ‘fix’ me like Inaban said,” she added. “Sure, he was violent, but it wasn’t enough to get Child Protective Services involved or anything. I made sure of that... or rather, I made sure it wouldn’t come to that, I guess you could say.”

Taichi could only sit there in silence and listen.

“I just played the part of myself... adjusted to suit the other person’s tastes.” In spite of her flawless natural beauty, her smile was equal parts serene and... empty. “It sounds a lot cooler than it is. I didn’t consciously decide to start acting. I just noticed that if I did this or said that, I didn’t get in trouble as much. So from there, I just... kept saying or doing those things! And for better or for worse, I was apparently pretty good at it. Sometimes, if I did or said the ‘right’ things, not only would I not get in trouble, I’d even get rewarded! So I just kept on doing it. I changed all my personal preferences to suit them. And then I changed the rest of myself to match.”

So in other words, she’d been playing kiss-up—something pretty much any human being had done at some point in their lives—just cranked up to an extreme degree.

“Then, after a while, they got divorced, and pretty soon after that we ended up with my next new stepdad. He wasn’t a bad guy or anything—he was actually really cool. I knew I didn’t need to do it again, but... I guess when you’re a kid, you feel obligated to impress, you know? So there I was, ‘performing’ his preferred version of myself.” She laughed and shook her head at herself. “From there, I just couldn’t stop. I started to create all these customized versions of myself for each person I knew... The years flew by, and then in my third year of middle school—last spring—my fifth dad... He got real sick and passed away. He never talked much, but he was really smart. I think he probably knew I was putting on an act. His last words to me were, ‘Choose your own path.’ ” Her clear voice shook with emotion as she recalled the memory. “I got the sense my mom really loved him. I don’t know the details, but after he died, she said to me, ‘I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through all this time. From now on, I’m going to work hard to give you the kind of life you want.’ She was sobbing... And from then on, we’ve been living together just the two of us. It’s nothing special, but... In the end, my rollercoaster life got its happy ending. See? No scars, no trauma.”

Nagase tilted her head and smiled at Taichi. Her hair glittered gold beneath the setting sun, silky strands dancing on the breeze.

“But that’s where the world’s worst epilogue starts.”

Once again, her expression cleared of any emotion, leaving behind only a flawless blank canvas.

“They told me to choose my own path. Live the kind of life I want. So I decided I’d give it a shot. But then it hit me. What do I want? What is my path? What does the real me even look like? I kept asking myself all these stupid questions, because, as it turned out... after nearly ten years of living as everyone else’s version of myself, I couldn’t remember my own.”

She had spent the formative years of her childhood adapting herself to suit everyone around her, and apparently this was the result.

“After that... Man, it’s been hard, you know? I keep trying to ‘be myself’ and ‘follow my heart’ or whatever, but I don’t actually know how! I’m just... at a total loss. So these days I’ve decided to just put on whatever persona fits in a given moment. And that’s what I’ve been doing so far.”

Hold on, Taichi thought. Is that why you made someone else choose your club for you? You weren’t just indecisive... You literally couldn’t choose?

He thought back on all the time they’d spent together in the club. All that time, she wasn’t being herself—just some false persona she invented? Her “colorful personality” was actually just a series of different characters she pulled out of a hat at random?

“For the longest time, my one defining trait—the one thing I could safely attribute to the ‘real’ me—has been my ability to read people and figure out what they want. Ironic that my last bastion of identity is the exact reason I ended up in this mess in the first place... But now I’m not so sure anymore, actually. With everyone pushing me to just ‘be myself’... I’m starting to think... maybe... I can’t actually... read people anymore.”

Taichi remembered how horrified Nagase was that she hadn’t noticed Kiriyama’s androphobia.

“I got so scared... Without that one thing, I would lose every last shred of the real me! Then how would I be able to interact with the rest of you...? How would I know... which persona to put on...? And lately it’s like... I’m starting to lose control of... which ‘me’ I am... at any given time...”

He remembered Inaba’s words: that Nagase was the most at risk. The most likely victim.

“Then the body-swapping started... My concept of the ‘real me’ was almost completely gone, but I managed to keep ‘Nagase Iori’ intact. It was easy—anyone who saw [my face] instantly thought of me as Nagase Iori! It didn’t matter what was going on internally, as long as I had my [physical form]! But then, with the body-swap, that got all jumbled, too... I lost the ‘inner me’... I lost the [physical me]... and with the way things are going, no one will be able to tell it’s me, not even myself... and then... eventually I think I’m just going to disappear completely!”

She had put up so many walls, her entire world was now nothing but walls. And right when it was falling apart, here came a giant earthquake in the form of the body-swap, threatening to bring it all crashing down for good. For the longest time she was hanging by a thread from the edge of a cliff, and now she had fallen into the depths of a bottomless ravine, consumed by darkness, drowning...

Taichi wanted to rescue her, to plunge headfirst into the darkness to save her—but he couldn’t. Not because he was afraid, but because he knew doing so wouldn’t actually help her.

Think!

What could he do for her?

“You’re not going to disappear. Not now, not ever,” Taichi said firmly, and Nagase shot him a questioning look. “No matter what happens, in the end, I’ll always know it’s you.”

She was drowning, and he couldn’t even toss her a lifesaver—but he could at least shine a ray of hope down there.

Nagase stared at him for a long moment, and then—

“That’s... not possible...”

“Sure it is,” he said, looking into her eyes.

“How can you be so sure...?” she asked timidly—fearfully—hopefully.

“Because I—”

Just then, Inaba’s voice echoed in his mind.

—Goddamn martyr.

The words weighed on him like a ton of bricks.

What was he saying? And why was he saying it?

If this was just about helping Nagase, then was he just saying it to give her hope? Or was there more to it than that?

He wasn’t sure—and he knew that meant he had no right to say it in the first place.

So he changed tack at the last minute.

“I mean, uh... I just can, okay? Trust me. You’ll be fine!”

He sounded so ridiculous. How could he begin to “fix” Nagase when he wasn’t even confident in himself?

He glanced away. Her clear skin and sparkling eyes were too radiant for him to take.

“Hmmm... If you say so... I gueeess I’ll trust you...”

Nagase’s voice was colored with a hint of joy... and an ounce of sadness.