1

My chanting of Explosion pervaded the grassy hill that overlooked the capital.

“Explosion—!”

A streak of light, a thunderous blast.

The capital flew into an uproar, but having used up my mana, I crumpled over, unable to move from that spot.

“Alert! The Demon King’s army is attacking! Alert! The Demon King’s army is attacking! All adventurers, please gather in front of the royal palace gate right away…”

Just over ten minutes of waiting later, as I was listening detachedly to the announcement being broadcast throughout the capital…

“…Theeeeere you are! You’ve gotta be kidding me; are you really an idiot?! Hey, are you seriously gonna keep doing this every day?!”

“Sorry I’m late, boss. I managed to escape!”

Perhaps aware that what she was doing was practically a crime, Yunyun was wearing her hood low enough that you couldn’t see her face. Her eyes peered out from the dark, glowing red with excitement and anger.

Iris had also arrived, shouldering a small backpack and looking as if she’d gone out for a picnic. The blond princess came running up to where I was lying facedown at the top of the hill.

“Good work, both of you. Er, might you be able to help me up a sec?”

“‘Good work,’ yourself. Should I just bury you where you lie?! Megumin, you realize the capital is going crazy right now, don’t you? What in the world do you plan to do?!”

As Iris flipped me over onto my back, Yunyun started lecturing me with her hands placed on her hips.

“Nothing to be done about it now. You and I have gone through something like this before, remember? Did we not have a similar incident in Crimson Magic Village? Yes, that was a truly heartbreaking day…”

“N-no way do you…”

Yunyun and I had gone through an event comparable to this.

In Crimson Magic Village, a mysterious lady devil who was after Chomusuke had been casting Explosion night after night. The details might be off, but that was the gist of it.

“Do you mean to lay the blame on someone else again?!”

“Wh-what do you mean, ‘again’? How rude! If you are talking about the explosions in Crimson Magic Village, that was—without question—the doing of the demoness. As for this time… We could say, Out of nowhere, there was a Demon King–like figure taking a stroll, and it suddenly cast Explosion and went home, or something like that as eyewitness information at the police station…”

“I don’t think so! I’m not gonna give such stupid testimony!”

As Yunyun went on berating me, Iris took her time and scooped me up in her arms.

“Oh, I had box lunches and snacks made today. There is enough for both of you, so why don’t we go somewhere with a good view to eat?”

“Hey, there’s more to this girl than just lacking sense, isn’t there? She seems like kind of a big deal in the capital!”

While being held, I gave Yunyun instructions.

“We will have people on our heels if we stay here. So let us return to Axel first. I think we should eat the box lunches outside town.”

“Who cares about box lunches right now?! Ahhh, that’s not what I meant, Illis; please don’t look so sad! ‘Who cares’ was a bit much, sorry. Actually, going on a picnic and eating box lunches with friends is something I’ve always wanted to do!”

Then, perhaps thanks to Yunyun’s shouting, voices aimed at us could be heard coming from town. They were saying things like, “That way,” and “Someone’s over there.”

“Your big mouth got us caught, Yunyun. You are getting too excited over some friends and box lunches. I swear, you forever-alone types! Come on, quick, please cast Teleport!”

“Hey, you think this is my fault?! I’m not sure I’m convinced!”

Though she continued to make a big scene, Yunyun chanted, “Teleport!”

She touched us and hurriedly finished the spell.

…Arriving at the lake near Axel, we ate our box lunches on top of a blanket that Iris had been all too happy to spread out.

“Hey, Illis, who made these box lunches? Mmmm, they’re so delicious. Um, they’re really good, you know, but the ingredients are so fancy. What I mean is, they’re not the kind of thing you’d take to a picnic.”

“When I said, ‘I want to sneak out and have fun with my new friends; won’t you help me escape?’ for some reason, my maids were very enthusiastic and put them together.”

“Are you saying your home’s big enough to have lots of maids? What business are the Chirimendonyas in? I was so happy at the part about new friends that I almost didn’t notice, but there were some bits in what you said that I can’t just ignore…,” Yunyun said, gazing intently at the steamed shark-fin dumpling held between her chopsticks.

“Who cares about such things? There are some things you’re better off not asking about, like height or bust size, as well as number of friends and family matters.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right, Megumin.”

Whether because she was convinced or because there was something she didn’t want us to ask, Yunyun quietly picked up another morsel from her lunch.

With my mana having recovered enough to eat, I wolfed down the high-end food as I spoke.

“You are quite skilled when it comes to procuring provisions, though, Illis. I hereby appoint you as our supply manager—in other words, a promotion.”

“A promotion! Thank you very much. I will do my best!”

“Illis, she just wants you to bring more tasty food; don’t let her fool you!”

Having finished our lunch, we went into the lake barefoot and chased around some small fish. We also taught Iris how to skip stones—that’s where you throw flat rocks and bounce them off the surface of the lake. We almost nailed someone fishing on the opposite shore and had to apologize profusely.

In the meantime, the day turned to a calm afternoon…

“Today was really fun. I’d love to do this every day. Okay, if we stay too long, someone will probably get worried and come looking for Illis again, so why don’t we head back?”

At Yunyun’s wistful words, Iris packed the blanket and lunch boxes into her backpack.

“Well then, shall we be off? Today was great fun. Let’s come back for another picnic!”

I plodded along after the two of them while they hummed as we headed for Axel…

“No! Why would we go home after we did nothing but eat?! When did this turn into a picnic?! Our work is just beginning!”

Yunyun frowned like she’d had her cover blown.

“Well, boss, what sort of business is on the schedule today?” Iris asked.

I replied, “Right, let us discuss today’s plans. The other day, we acquired our hideout. It will be our Axel headquarters… The goal is to create more and more branches all over, eventually expanding our forces on a global scale, but there is something we need first. Therefore, let us procure a source of income so as to build up our funds.”

“Hey, you’re joking about ‘global scale,’ right? Sometimes I can’t figure out if you’re joking or not, Megumin…”

Naturally, I was speaking seriously.

Although…

“Our thief gang already has the Axel HQ and the capital branch. I am sure there will be more and more from here on out. By the way, the hideout in the capital branch is Illis’s home. Illis, once we have decided on a symbol for our crew, please make sure you display it up high at your place. Starting today, you are the manager of the capital branch. That is a big promotion.”

“Thank you very much. I will do my best!”

“Don’t believe her, Illis; she’s trying to take over your house!”

It wouldn’t be long before our gang’s flag flew over the capital castle of this country.

To that end, we first needed some money…

2

“And so please give us work—that is, a long-term and stable moneymaker—that also earns us a good reputation. Something like that would be best.”

“Um, why don’t you go get a part-time job somewhere?”

We had come to the Adventurers Guild and were asking the receptionist lady for some solid work.

Iris, eyes sparkling, observed the adventurers in the Guild as I refused to waver at the fast and cold reply.

“I want something more, you know, appropriate for us, not a job like that. The three of us are confident in our abilities, get it? Like, when something turns up and threatens the town, we defeat it and receive a protection fee—that sort of work…”

“I heard a security firm started doing similar things just the other day, but they went out of business in the blink of an eye, you know?”

For some reason, Yunyun, who was right next to me, averted her eyes at the receptionist’s words.

Did she know something about this security firm that went under?

“In any case, giving dangerous work to three young girls is just…”

So she was judging us on our appearances.

We’d already had trouble getting members because of how we looked.

“Please, lady, it’s okay if it doesn’t rake in cash! Please give us some work that will continually win us money and the adoration of the townsfolk. That way they’ll want to join our crew! Also, if possible, combat-related work would be great!”

“Work that fits those conditions is not something you see very oft— Ah.”

The lady made a small noise, as if she knew something about a job fitting those exact specifications.

“What is it? Is there something? Please let us do that, then!”

“No. Well, there is, but it’s already taken, you could say… Actually, it’s a quest for slaying the crows that have been getting into the town’s trash collection sites. I don’t know why, but someone offered to do it for free.”

Slaying crows.

It certainly would earn the townspeople’s gratitude, it was technically combat-related, and it had the potential to earn us some steady money, but…

Yeah, Crimson Magic Clan members and a princess heading out to slay crows was unthinkable.

It was what you’d call a waste of talent—overkill.

“That sort of quest definitely isn’t what I had in mind. The day I get a nickname as embarrassing as Crow Slayer, I will no longer be able to hold my head high as a proud member of my clan. Do you not have anything else? It doesn’t have to be from the town. Is there a big store or group somewhere that can give us regular work?”

The lady thought hard for a while at my question.

“Well, I suppose there is technically a place that meets your conditions…”

…On the outskirts of Axel, in front of a moderately sized church that looked like it had recently been remodeled.

“I never thought we would end up back here…”

“Hey, Megumin, let’s forget about this. This is one place we shouldn’t go in!”

This was the Axis Church’s branch in Axel.

“What a pretty blue chapel, and just built, too! …Are you not going in?”

Apparently, not knowing much about the Axis Church, Iris alone had made some naive remarks as she looked up at the building.

“Illis, this is a very troublesome and dangerous place. If the people in here try anything funny, I give you permission to attack.”

“This time, at least, Megumin’s right, okay, Illis? If any weirdos jump out, you don’t need to hold back.”

With that warning, Iris, her head cocked, quietly opened the church door…

At the same time, there came the sound of something falling over and shattering.

“Ahhh, the expensive vase I put in front of the door! The vase rumored to bring happiness just by having it! Breaking something like this is like trying to steal my happiness, you impudent jerk! Now you’ll have to take responsibility and choose whether to look after me, pay to replace it, or join the Axis Church… Oh, Megumin and Yunyun?”

Giving a feverish whirlwind rant, the priestess looked stunned upon seeing us standing at the entrance.

“Um, we came here on a commission from the Guild… But maybe we will just be going.”

Cecily’s face lit up upon hearing my reply.

“…Er, do we really not need to pay for it? I would think such an incredible vase would be quite an expensive and powerful magical item…”

Moved to tears at seeing Iris’s apologetic face, Cecily clasped her hands together to pray.

…No, she’d been offering a prayer before that.

“Ahhh, thank you, Lady Aqua! That you would send me such an innocent loli…!”

Cecily seemed to be in high spirits today, no longer even listening to the talk of our quest.

It might’ve been better to just go home pretending nothing had happened.

“Illis, this woman deliberately placed that vase in front of the door, so you need not worry about it. She was waiting for someone to come in and break it. It is a nasty way to swindle someone out of a lot of money or push them into joining this Church by placing the blame on them.”

I explained Cecily’s methods to Iris, who still looked troubled.

Upon hearing my explanation, the blond princess curiously gave Cecily a look of reverence.

“I never would have thought to get money or followers that way. You must be very smart, Cecily!”

“Illis, that’s not something to admire! What this woman does is borderline criminal, do you understand?!”

Actually, I think it’s past borderline. It’s just straight-up criminal.

“Your name is Illis, right? I’m Cecily, a distinguished and beautiful priestess of the Axis Church. Feel free to call me Big Sis.”

“Certainly, nice to meet you, Big Sis. My name is Illis.”

“Hff, hff.” Cecily started breathing slowly and heavily after hearing the cute girl obediently call her that nickname.

“Hey, Megumin, could it be that tomorrow is the day I perish? Will I die, having used up all my life’s good luck on this blessed day?”

“You’re satisfied with your life because of something like this? Illis, this woman is going to become unstable, so just call her Cecily instead.”

“Ahhh, no!”

The priestess was experiencing some kind of disappointed shock. I decided to force a change of topic, since the conversation wasn’t going anywhere.

“Well, back to what I was saying… We came here on a commission from the Guild. May I discuss business with you?”

As Cecily wrapped her arms around her knees, depressed and starting to sulk, I showed her the quest bulletin we got from the Guild.

3

“Well then, let us get down to it. Though it is actually not that hard a job. The details are exactly as the paper says.”

Basically, the job amounted to two tasks. The first was finding and driving away a shady person who’d been coming around the church recently. The other was a call for salesgirls, in order to procure a source of money for the church.

Suspicious-person identification aside, the salesgirl part was quite a cushy gig.

Apparently, all we had to do was regularly show up a few times a month for just a few hours.

Doing that alone, supposedly we would receive a tenth of all sales.

On the posting, it had been written that an interview was mandatory for the salesgirl job, but according to Cecily, that wasn’t necessary for us.

I didn’t know what they wanted to sell, but as far as terms and conditions, you could say this was pretty unusual.

“The salesgirl job looks like a piece of cake, so that sounds good. By the way, about the other bit of work…”

At my query, Cecily put a finger to her cheek and looked troubled.

“Well, it’s something that’s been going on for a little while, and…”

According to Cecily’s explanation, someone had been eating the garden veggies growing behind the chapel and stealing food from the fridge inside.

She also said the perpetrator made no sound, and by the time she’d noticed, the food was already gone. However, when she asked people in the neighborhood, nobody had seen anyone questionable.

“A veggie thief and fridge raiding? I’m not quite sure what their aim is. If it’s to steal food, they surely would not need to go out of their way to steal it from such a dangerous church. There ought to be safer and easier places to hit. If they got caught here…who knows what would happen to them?”

“Megumin, I don’t think our church is that unscrupulous. I don’t know of anyone who hates it.”

I was racking my brain, trying to figure out who the culprit was, when Yunyun timidly opened her mouth.

“Maybe this is some kind of grudge, Megumin? Like, somebody who was wronged by the Axis Church is coming to exact their revenge…”

“A grudge? …Cecily, do you remember ever doing anything somebody would hold animosity over? Even something small?”

At that, the priestess looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember.

“…I don’t know, really,” she said, sadly shaking her head a bit.

My prejudice that a priestess of the Axis Church had to be hated by someone might have made me speak a bit rudely.

“I see. Sorry for asking something a little tasteless. Well, you might have unknowingly annoyed someone who now hates you despite your good intentions…”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I remember so many grudges from people, I guess I can’t hope to narrow it down…”

“That is disappointing; please give back my apology! What in the world did you do? Come on—let’s have you apologize to everyone you remember!”

In the end, Cecily was exactly who I thought she was.

“Still, it is strange for there to be no witnesses with such frequent thefts. Is the time of the crime always the same?”

“I’m not sure about the time, since I usually realize I’ve been robbed after the fact…”

The priestess pondered as she exchanged glances with Yunyun.

“Cecily, what is your relationship with your neighbors like? Maybe you screwed up again, and your neighbors are conspiring against you…”

“I work hard to get along with my neighbors here. In my old town, I often had trouble with them, and there was even a big hullabaloo where they came close to evicting me.”

Really, though, what are we gonna do with this girl?

“In any case, we will not get anywhere without any clues. Why don’t we defer the criminal search and hear about what we’ll be selling in the salesgirl job?”

Hearing that, Cecily gleefully went to the back of the chapel and returned hugging something.

It was a box full of a large amount of white powder.

“…Ummm. Cecily, is this perhaps—?”

Before I could ask what it was, the priestess held up a finger.

“Shh! Megumin, you mustn’t say any more. This is simply powder that makes you very happy just by putting it into your mouth.”

“Huh?!”

Yunyun looked shocked at what she heard, while Iris cocked her head, confused.

“Cecily, this is contraband, is it not? You will get in trouble again if you are found out, you know?”

“‘Again’?! By ‘again,’ you mean she’s been convicted before?!”

While Yunyun commented each step of the way, Iris’s eyebrows perked up at the word contraband.

“Hee-hee, it’s fine, Megumin. It’s not that. This is a special product, using you-know-what as a base with repeated improvements. It isn’t banned yet. It’s already confirmed to cause no harm to the human body. Hee-hee-hee, once they know about this, none of the people in this town will be able to resist it!”

“!”

As Cecily smiled suspiciously, Yunyun drew her wand from her hip. My fellow Crimson Magic Clanner wore a sad look while she pointed it at the priestess.

“Cecily, you talk and act strange sometimes, but I didn’t think you were the sort of person to do this! You’re just not someone I can overlook. I will make you reform!”

Yunyun seemed to be seriously misunderstanding. Iris followed suit and smoothly drew her sword.

“Anything designated as contraband must be harmful to this country. Even if it’s a special improved version, I cannot let it slide!”

“Wait, why are the two of you looking at your big sis so coldly?! If I did something wrong, I’ll apologize. Look, I’ll even make sure to share this with both of you!”

Cecily became horribly flustered at the sudden turn of events.

“I can’t believe you would offer you-know-what to us… Surely you never offered it to Megumin or anything?”

“Huh?! …W-well, of course I tried to share the joy of this you-know-what with…”

Yunyun’s eyes glowed red.

Strange, I’ve somehow seen a turn of events just like this before.

“Wait! Could you listen to what Big Sis Cecily has to say?! I think you’ve got the wrong idea!”

The two of them slowly crept toward the priestess.

“You seem to be confused. This is a candy currently banned for sale because kids and old people can easily get it stuck in their throats. It’s gelatinous-slime powder,” I said.

““Huh?””

Weapons still in hand, both of them stopped in their tracks upon hearing that.

“Sob, sob… This you-know-what is a revolutionary special product that won’t get stuck in Grandpa’s throat when he eats it…”

The two of them exchanged glances as Cecily sobbed.

4

“…I swear! I would never sell something sinister! You realize I am part of the clergy, right?”

““Sorry!””

With the tables turned and Cecily now assertively lecturing them, Iris and Yunyun apologized in unison.

Though I still felt like Cecily was to blame for using confusing phrasing each and every step of the way.

“This you-know-what is a revolutionary special product that won’t get stuck in your throat. I spent a lot of time working on it. However, if we put it up for sale under the same ‘gelatinous slime,’ the police will come. So why don’t we call it ‘Axis Church’s White Powder’?”

“I think that name is way more likely to make the cops come.”

After talking it over a bit, we settled on the name “Axis Church’s You-Know-What.”

Did she really intend to sell this stuff? Was it even something people would buy?

Unconcerned with such thoughts, Cecily said, “Well then, let’s get to it! With all of you here, you can bet this will sell like crazy!” and cheerfully lifted up a box of the you-know-what.

…I knew I had a bad feeling about this.

“Boss? Is it okay for us to take so much money for work like this, just passing out powder? It seems like a terribly simple job somehow,” Iris said with a mystified look while she handed a customer some of the you-know-what.

I did the same with another patron.

“The work itself is simple and easy, so you’re not wrong. However, we have the right to receive a high-enough compensation.”

I then glanced over at Cecily.

“Come and get Axis Church’s You-Know-What! My church made this with a technique we can’t really talk about! It’s super easy to use. You just mix it with water and eat it! It’s goopy and slimy and oh, will you love it! Come now—won’t you taste some of the you-know-what those pretty little girls have in their hands?”

I gotta say, this is a failure. A failure in so many ways.

Why did she always have to make it sound so suspicious?

Yunyun stood next to me, blushing at the phrasing, but nevertheless doing her job, handing the substance to patrons who came by.

There’d been mention of an interview for salesgirls, but apparently, this was what it referred to.

Attractive young women handing out packets of powder.

That was all we were doing, but…

“Excuse me, that there’s that banned stuff, right?”

“Oh, not at all, sir. This has been improved to meet safety standards, making it non-banned you-know-what. Come on! I’m sure you will find it utterly addicting!”

“I’ll take some! I’ll take three packs!”

Despite the questionable solicitations, the young man went out of his way to buy you-know-what from each of us.

“Just asking, Cecily, but this really is just an improved version of gelatinous slime, right? One that goes down smooth and tasty when you eat it, right?”

“Yup. I don’t know what else it could be, Megumin, but you’re correct.”

With the phrasing she and the customer had used, it all felt dubious to me.

“Come one, come all! It’s you-know-what, squeezed hard by embarrassed pretty little girls! If you buy now, it’s only… Oh, is that…?”

“Hmm? Funny meeting you here, Cecily. Long time no see.”

An old gentleman passing by called to the priestess upon seeing her.

They seemed to know each other.

“Ooh, could it be…?! Is that what I think it is? The stuff that gives you a taste of heaven when you mix it with hot water and do you-know-what…?!”

“Yes, by doing that even more to the you-know-what, we have greatly reduced its effects on the human body. As kindred aficionados, allow me to share a bit with y—”

“This is gelatinous slime, right?! This is really just contraband gelatinous slime, is it not?!”

““Shh!””

Unable to stand it any longer, I yelled and was unjustly silenced for some reason.

5

In the end, the you-know-what, despite being scandalous in so many ways, sold out in the blink of an eye.

Lewd and perilous phrasings had abounded, but I still couldn’t hide my surprise at learning of gelatinous slime’s unexpected popularity.

Gleeful upon getting back to the church, Cecily praised our efforts.

“The three of you did splendidly! Next time, it would be even better if you could mix the you-know-what with hot water and slurp it down in front of everyone…”

“I will not! Hey, Megumin, we’re not gonna do jobs like this anymore, are we?! I really felt like I was doing something scandalous today, in more ways than one…,” Yunyun said, looking as if she’d lost something important.

Regardless, this job let us make good money in a short time. Surely, there was no reason not to continue.

“Miss Cecily, I had a lot of fun today! I earned money for the first time!”

“Ah, wait a second, Illis! D-don’t look at your big sis like that! It somehow makes me want to repent to Lady Aqua!”

Cecily clutched her own body, writhing under Iris’s innocent gaze.

Before long, Cecily said she’d feed everyone some of the slime and fled toward the kitchen…

“Ahhh! They did it again!”

A sudden cry came our way.

…Following where Cecily had gone, we searched the area to look for clues.

“There was food in there before we left the church, right?”

“Yes, I’m certain. I was keeping the gelatinous-slime powder in here; I saw how much food was stored at the time.”

We’d been out selling for only around an hour, so the theft had to have occurred recently.

I didn’t know how much food they’d taken, but it seemed unlikely they’d have been able to do it this skillfully unless they’d been watching the church, waiting for us to leave.

Just then, Iris suddenly exclaimed, “Look, Cecily, footprints! Something was clearly being dragged—might it be from the person who took the food?”

Taking a look, I saw there were absolutely traces of someone pressing something oily against the floor and dragging it.

Peering, the priestess gave a solemn nod and said, “The other day, in the middle of making tempura, I fell and knocked over the pot. I remember casting Heal on myself and crawling around while writhing and covered in oil.”

What exactly was this person doing with her life?

Opening the magic fridge, Yunyun seemed to find something.

“Miss Cecily, look at this! For some reason, there’s, um, men’s underwear in the fridge! If the culprit put something like this in the fridge of a church where a woman lives, they’re definitely a pervert!”

Looking inside the magic device, I indeed saw some chilled underwear stored within.

Clearly, as another woman, Yunyun couldn’t let such sexual harassment fly.

She took the underwear and crushed them in anger.

Again, the priestess nodded solemnly.

“A male worshipper who doesn’t have a refrigerator at home left those in there. Apparently, he can’t relax after a soak unless he puts on cold underwear, so he stops by every day on his way home from the public baths.”

As Yunyun hurled the underwear away, Cecily raised her voice in determination.

“We’re getting nowhere. Megumin, now that it’s come to this, let’s interrogate each and every person who might bear ill will against me! All you have to do is make your eyes glow red and twirl your staff behind me. Then I will say, You have something to say to me, don’t you? If you don’t spit it out, I don’t know what the Crimson Magic Clansperson behind me will do…”

“I will not cooperate with your threats! Just have a proper talk with them, please!”

…Our first suspect was the butcher. His was apparently the closest shop to the Axis church.

“All right, out with it! When I asked for ‘meat the same softness as a fourteen-year-old girl’s cheeks,’ you said, ‘Never heard of it.’ You were disgusted, weren’t you? Later, when I spread the rumor about you being useless and knowing nothing about good meat, you got mad and turned to crime…”

“Hey, wait a minute, after you wasted my time with that idiotic order of yours, you went and spread rumors?! Let’s go to the police; I’m turning you in for obstruction of business!”

“Ahhh, w-wait a minute, please. Don’t involve the cops! Recently, there’s this charming young man at the station who looks at me condescendingly and says, ‘You again?!’ At least wait till after I check if he has a girlfriend…!”

…Maybe I should just leave her and go home?

When I looked at Yunyun, she nodded quickly, as if she understood what I was thinking for once.

All right, time to go home.

“…Excuse me, sir, please wait. I will apologize, too, so please forgive Cecily.”

A pure and innocent young girl’s voice cut through the unusual atmosphere of the conversation.

“E-er. I mean, well, the, uh, maybe the police thing was a bit much. L-look. I’ll forgive you for this girl’s sake, but don’t go doing that again.” The butcher spoke with finality and then turned away. He had been unable to resist Iris’s pleading eyes.

The criminal priestess, watching the man lumber back to his shop, was on the verge of tears as she grabbed Iris.

“Ooohhh, Illis, thank youuuuu! In return, Big Sis will make you her li’l sis!”

“N-no, um, about that… I just recently got a new big bro, so…”

Dang, there goes our chance to ditch, I thought a bit regretfully while watching Iris, at a loss for what to do.

“That was close. His leading interrogation did me in.”

“Miss Cecily, was it not your own mouth that got you in trouble?”

Having recovered, Cecily paid no heed to my observation.

“Next is over there! Yes, the idea to go round-robin starting nearby was a big mistake! I should have begun the questioning with the most likely candidate!” The priestess ran off without even waiting for our reply.

“She’s very proactive…”

That may have been Iris’s impression, but I thought Cecily was being more thoughtless than proactive.

“…Megumin, maybe we should’ve gone home after eating lunch today after all.”

For today, at least, I was willing to concede that much.

6

We chased after Cecily, and sure enough, she had gone after the Axis Church’s sworn enemy.

“Yo, come out right now, you Eris Church losers! Gimme back the pudding I was saving!”

K-thnk, k-thnk! Cecily was kicking the rival Church’s door.

“You mustn’t look, Illis! Shield your eyes. Grow to be a purehearted woman.”

Trying to keep her from seeing what Cecily was doing, Yunyun covered Iris’s eyes while standing behind the young princess.

“Miss Cecily, what are you doing? I know you are on bad terms with the Eris Church, but this is taking it too far.”

Even when I tried to drag her back home, Cecily started pounding bam-bam on the door and refused to leave.

That was when…

“Are you here again?! How many times do we have to ask you not to come back before you understand?!”

The door opened, and an Eris priestess emerged.

…After we explained everything, the priestess let out a deep sigh.

“You know, we’re always healing adventurers’ wounds or distributing food. We don’t have the spare time to head over to your church. Besides, we aren’t particularly in need of things to eat. Why would the servants of Lady Eris engage in theft?”

“Liar! If you really weren’t hurting for food, you wouldn’t have looked at me the way you did when I made a show of biting into a kebab in front of you the other day!”

“You did?” the lady of the Eris Church muttered in disgust and, curiously, winced briefly. “The Eris Church holds that poverty is virtuous. Someone eating kebabs in front of us wouldn’t exactly—”

“Oh, another fib! You looked pretty worried when I told you followers of Eris wouldn’t get big boobs because they don’t eat enough protein!”

“Wh-why, you! Now you’ve said it, heathen!”

They started fighting, and as I pulled them apart, I found myself scolding the two.

“I know you both are in different sects, but why do two clergywomen have to fight all the time?”

Perhaps embarrassed that she’d sunk to Cecily’s level, the Eris priestess turned red.

“Er… W-well, that is… I’m so embarrassed…”

“Ha-ha! Take that!”

“That goes for you, too, Cecily!”

As I expressed my disgust with the woman from the Axis Church, she continued to run down her mental list of potential criminals.

“But if this boob-stuffing priestess doesn’t know, then who…? I have so many other people in mind, I really can’t figure out who did it…”

“If you don’t stop, I’m going to get a mace and rough up your church.”

After forcing Cecily to apologize to the Eris Church priestess, who was now trying to hide her chest, we went on our way.

Was this really someone seeking revenge?

If the Eris follower’s reaction was anything to go on, most people didn’t want anything to do with the Axis Church.

So would anyone really go for payback just because of a little annoyance?

“Why don’t we go back to the chapel one more time?” I suggested to Cecily, whom Yunyun and Iris were busy stopping from trying to graffiti the Eris Church’s sign.

“…They did it again,” Cecily muttered while sinking to the floor.

“What’s the damage? It doesn’t look like as much is gone this time…”

Ignoring Cecily, who had collapsed in front of the fridge, I peeked inside. There didn’t seem to be that big of a difference.

“The gelatinous slime I stored farther back is gone… Just how many times has this happened now…? They’re even aiming straight for my favorite foods—perhaps this is the work of the Demon King’s army?”

“I don’t want to think about the Demon King’s army stealing snacks out of some church’s fridge, but there is a certain something I am wondering about.”

It was the evidence of dragging something that Iris had first spotted.

The marks went from the kitchen out to the rear door of the church.

As I recalled, the culprit had stolen from the church refrigerator and the garden out back.

I opened the rear door with a wham, and…!

“…Um, Cecily. A gelatinous slime is eating your veggies.”

“Ahhh, what?! You’re right! The slime I thought I strangled is happily wolfing down my…! Could it be that Lady Aqua has granted this miracle?!”

“Cecily, no matter what way you look at it, this slime is the culprit, is it not?! Please apologize to the people you accused!”

“…That was an…unpleasant incident, huh…?”

The culprit had turned out to be a slime that Cecily had made some extreme modifications to, causing its Vitality to rise.

Yunyun and I scolded the priestess, whose eyes showed not even a hint of regret. Eventually, Iris stopped us.

“I swear, you need to learn a bit more about Axis followers. I know you are naive, but wow.”

“Even so, I don’t think Cecily is that bad of a person… I have a good eye for character.”

About as good as Aqua’s.

However, something seemed off about Cecily as I laid into her.

She was trembling rhythmically as she sat on the floor…

“Illis, you most definitely should join the Axis Church! Yes, very much so!”

“Illis, let us go home for the day. It was a mistake to bring you here to begin with. We will not come around here again, so please forget everything that happened today.”

As if taking Iris away from the palace wasn’t bad enough, if it got out that she’d been made to join the Axis Church when I wasn’t looking, I’d be executed for sure.

“Cecily, I don’t know anything about the Axis Church’s teachings—what sort of things does it preach, exactly?”

“What a good question! Illis, is there anything you’re suppressing about yourself? In the teachings of our Church, we mainly believe that self-restraint is a poison to the body, so you should live exactly as you want. Do as you please. Insist on having things your way. If you love someone, no matter how high their station in life, don’t hold back. Instead, go after them so hard that you force them down to your own level.”

“Don’t listen! Here, plug your ears!”

Yunyun covered Iris’s ears to protect the princess from Cecily’s gleeful sermon.

That was when something interrupted us.

The front door burst open, and a voice I recognized called from outside.

“I heard a sweet little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl had been brought here. Stay calm and do not resist, everyone… Ahhh, Lady Illis! I found you!”

Standing there was Claire, the white-suited female bodyguard. Seeing her, Iris looked down and sulked, dejected.

“Is it time to go already…?”

“Lady Illis, it’s not ‘time to go’! I don’t remember ever allowing you to stroll about outside to begin with!”

While the royal bodyguard berated Iris, who seemed to have gotten used to life on the outside, Cecily slipped in a bit closer.

“Erm, who might you be? Nice to meet you; I am the priestess in charge here. My name is Cecily, the Axis Church’s Axel branch manager. I have shown Illis here every hospitality, please rest assured.” Cecily spoke unusually coolly. It was a very uncharacteristic display of sincerity for an Axis follower. I was sure she had been the one we were showing every kindness.

“Huh? A-ah, well, thank you.” Seeming to have taken the bait, Claire looked confused for a moment before continuing. “I am Claire, responsible for guarding Lady Illis. Thank you very much for safeguarding her in my absence. So responsible people number among the Axis Church’s ranks as well,” she said, straightening her posture and bowing her head deeply.

I knew this woman was hot-tempered; she’d even tried to slash at Kazuma before. Apparently, if it was for Iris’s sake, she could also be quite respectful.

Then, in the middle of my quiet admiration:

“I see, so you are Illis’s bodyguard… I was just in the middle of teaching her the precepts of the Axis Church. What do you say? As her guardian, by all means, I invite you join in.”

“The Axis Church?! N-no, something like that would be a big scand— I mean, Lady Illis isn’t even an adult yet, so something like that could pose a problem. Or, uhhh… Lady Illis has to have a fair and balanced perspective to begin with, so it would be an issue if she devoted herself to a certain sect right away, ummm…”

Perhaps unable to assert herself against a wise clergywoman, Claire tried to refuse, but…

“You would be perfect as an Axis follower. I can tell—you have the comrade scent.”

“Th-the ‘comrade scent’…?” Looking a bit disgusted, Claire sniffed her sleeves.

“Are you suffering from a forbidden love? Do you have impermissible feelings for someone? In the Axis Church, you can be with anyone, even if they’re the same sex or of a different rank, as long as they’re not undead or a devil child.”

“Even if they’re the same sex or of a different rank?! Th-th-that… No, but…”

Claire was awfully shaken, as if something about the tenets had struck a chord with her.

“Come, now—suppression is a poison to the body, you know? Restraint violates the Axis precepts. Do as you wish. As you feel…!”

“Ahhh, I—I must be going for today! Lady Illis, please say your good-byes!”

Apparently thinking it’d be a bad idea to stick around any longer, Claire took her charge’s hand and left the church in a flustered panic.

“…Well then, boss, Yunyun, Cecily, see you tomorrow!”

“No, you will not! I won’t let you—I’ll watch you all day tomorrow!”

Iris, who should have been dejected at being taken home, now looked cheerful, waving at us while Claire led her away.

“…She was biting, and I let her slip away…,” Cecily muttered regretfully.

Had Illis been the one biting or Claire?

It frightened me to think that either may have joined after just one more good push.

“Hey, Megumin, that Claire lady said, ‘Lady Illis has to have a fair and balanced perspective,’ so does that mean Illis is…?” Yunyun started but then shook her head, seeming to think it impossible.

Leaving the other Crimson Magic Clan member aside, I turned to the priestess.

“Cecily.”

“I wish you’d go back to calling me Big Sis…”

As always, the woman insisted on having things her own way.

“Actually, I would like to continue earning money, not just as a onetime gig.”

“That works out for me, too. I have lots of different ideas for making money besides Axis Church’s You-Know-What. ‘Rice Balls Made By Pretty Little Girls,’ ‘Balloons Inflated By Pretty Little Girls,’ ‘Pretty Little Girls’…”

“Are not all of those just exploiting young women?! I would prefer to earn money a bit more respectably, if possible…”

“Hee-hee-hee,” Cecily giggled at me blithely.

“Do you want to make money so badly because of something to do with Illis?”

She was usually so thoughtless, yet now this woman seemed to be looking straight into my mind.

“Well, you might say it has a bit to do with her. If we can procure stable funding and grow our organization enough, I believe it is no mere fantasy that we could someday help a certain masked thief defeat the Demon King…”

“‘Defeat the Demon King’—you’re thinking big again!”

Yes, surely it was more than mere imagination.

I couldn’t help but think that easygoing masked bandit was capable of felling such a powerful foe.

Also, if he could defeat the Demon King…

“In a peaceful world without the Demon King, I figure that girl would be freer to go out and about than she is now.”

Then I would be able to invite her to picnics, like today, or do anything else with her. I was sure she’d be delighted, too.

“I am no good at making money, so will you help me? You seem to be good at coming up with unusual ways to earn cash.”

Really, I could’ve just asked a certain guy, but… Well, I wanted to brag to him a bit after my gang had grown a little more.

Yunyun didn’t particularly seem to object to relying on this confounded priestess, either, and nodded just a bit happily.

However…

“I can’t accept that so easily.”

Shaking her head as if to say she wouldn’t be tricked by such sympathetic words, Cecily continued. “I am an Axis follower who loves lolis more than anything else. Megumin, if you, Yunyun, and Illis are doing something that interesting…then let me into that shady group of yours, too! I’ll agree to anything!” The woman’s eyes lit up as she said something incredibly stupid.

7

“…I’m home!”

“Hey, welcome back, Megumin. Tonight’s dinner was prepared by the skillful hands of yours truly! Look forward to it!”

Darkness’s cockiness greeted me when I returned to the mansion.

Kazuma, who was lazily sprawled out on the sofa in the foyer, said, “Megumin, can you get her to stop? All I did was make one little complaint about her cooking yesterday. Now this girl is being a huge pain. She’s been saying today’s the day she’s gonna show me what for, or whatever.”

“Don’t call me a pain! You were the one making fun of me! You just wait and see, ’cause I am technically a woman, and my cooking’s not gonna lose to some NEET’s!”

While Darkness withdrew into the kitchen in a huff, Kazuma shouted, “Hey, Darkness, I’m not a fan of that watery stuff you made yesterday! It may be fancy, but junk food is what I like. I wanna eat something greasy today.”

“Greasy, huh…? I already made something, but oh well, I’ll whip up another dish. I swear, you should make your requests sooner—”

That’s when Aqua interrupted.

“I like food that’s light. Something that you can just, like, slurp down would be nice.”

“‘Slurp down’… Ummm, you mean noodles? Erg, oh well, I’ll start those, too… Wh-what about you, Megumin?”

Having gotten an extra order from Aqua, too, Darkness now asked me for requests.

“You already made something, right? I’m fine with that—your cooking is average, but not exactly a failure anyway.”

“Don’t call me ‘average,’ Megumin! Still, it helps not to get an order that’s off-the-wall. I’ll go prepare the additional dishes, so hold on a sec.”

After Darkness returned to the kitchen, Aqua brought a board game over to Kazuma as he lay on the sofa.

“Kazuma, Kazuma, play with me while dinner’s cooking. Things will be different this time; I have a secret plan up my sleeve, after all.”

With words that so obviously foreshadowed defeat, she giddily set up the pieces.

“What do you mean, you ‘have a secret plan’ up your sleeve? The other day you said the same thing. When it came down to it, you shouted, ‘There’s no time limit, so I’m stalling! I may be no match in a battle of wits, but I won’t lose a test of endurance! I’m gonna take so much time that we could be here all night, so do your worst!’ and then you fell asleep ten minutes later.”

“Shut it! That was then; this is now. Hee-hee, this time I’ve really got something amazing in store. You can go first. Come on—go ahead.”

Kazuma moved a piece against Aqua, who was brimming with confidence.

“You fell for it, Kazuma! I, in my wisdom, had the idea to deliberately go second and make the exact same moves as my opponent! In other words, my opponent will face someone just as strong as themselves. However, I am doing more than just copying—yes, although we’d be equally matched by mirroring my opponent’s skill, what happens when my skill is added on top?”

Self-assured, Aqua made the exact same move as Kazuma.

“Yes, this revolutionary tactic is my fearsome secret plan, and with it, I can win against anyone! All I have to do is imitate my opponent’s moves without even thinking. The instant they eventually tire out and make a mistake, I just have to start trying for real and…!”

Aqua stopped mid-sentence. It seemed she was already in a pickle. Saying she’d imitate her opponent only got her outmaneuvered.

Ignoring Aqua, who was busy strategizing, I took Chomusuke into my arms as she brushed against my feet, and gave a report of the day’s events.

“Kazuma, we had pretty good results today. First, we succeeded in procuring a stable source of income for our crew’s future endeavors. With this, you could say we’ve taken a big step toward our goal.”

He listened to my words without taking his eyes off the game.

“That’s great. What, so by ‘procuring a stable source of income,’ you mean you were working a part-time job?”

“Yes, more or less. We killed slimes and whatnot—a commission from the Guild.”

He slapped a piece down and said, “Slime hunting, huh? Well, stuff like that might not be dangerous for your level, but if the other girls get in trouble, be sure to help them out, all right? Oh, guess that’s check already.”

“Come on—that makes no sense. How am I the one at a disadvantage when I’m making the same moves?”

It seemed he still thought I was just playing pretend. Maybe he just thought I was exterminating slimes with the neighborhood kids?

Oh well.

Telling him about it after we were huge, big enough to make him shake in his boots, was going to be great.

“Dinner’s ready, everyone. No one is going to complain about my food today. Well, come sit down!”

As I helped Darkness put dinner on the table, I said, “Speaking of—one more thing.”

I turned to Kazuma, who was finishing up a quick counterattack to Aqua’s move. He hadn’t even considered the play at all.

“I got another member.”