1

…Things were going well.

On the thief gang’s very first day, I had acquired a secret ba—I mean, a hideout to serve as our stronghold, as well as a powerful grunt for some muscle.

Plus, just the other day, I succeeded in getting regular pocket mon—I mean, a regular source of income for the crew and added someone who could use Heal to our ranks.

Honestly, I’d never expected it to go so well.

Or rather, I had a hunch our gang would get bigger than I’d originally anticipated.

The reason was that—

“…Megumin, guess what, guess what! I sent a letter to the Axis Church headquarters about our thief gang. Apparently, they’ve been flooded with applicants. This might be a chance to expand our forces,” said Cecily, who’d cheekily brought her things and moved into Axel’s number one mansion with us. The priestess looked as if she thought she was the master of the place.

“…Axis followers? Um, let me think on that just a bit.”

Cecily lay about on the expensive-looking sofa she’d claimed. Something about her reminded me of Aqua.

If all Axis followers were like this, I kind of wanted to deny them entry.

“After I wrote saying it was comprised of only lolis, excepting me, apparently there was even a quarrel when Lord Zesta said he’d quit as high priest and join. If you’re ever in trouble, the Axis Church will always be there for you, see?”

“Th-thank you. If anything should happen, then by all means.”

A sudden wave of fatigue hit me, and it wasn’t just from my post-Explosion lack of mana this time.

I sank my body into the sofa like Cecily. Yunyun, who was reading some letter, fidgeted while she said to me, “E-er, Megumin? I sent my dad a letter, too. I got a reply saying lots of people in Crimson Magic Village want in ’cause it sounds cool and fun…”

“…No, everyone in the Crimson Magic Clan has the important job of watching the Demon King’s castle. To begin with, they are like an ace-in-the-hole fighting force for when the capital has an emergency, so they must not come to a place like this.”

It wasn’t like the village wasn’t strong enough. Sure, they’d be perfect for invading the Demon King’s castle, but our enemies were just crooked nobles. Also, we were going to be chivalrous thieves, not burglars.

“That’s true; I was just giddy about getting more companions. Well then, I’ll reply asking for help if we’re ever in trouble.”

“S-sure, if that ever happens, then I suppose there’s no harm…”

While I evaded the issue, the forever-alone girl smiled in delight, more about getting companions than anything else.

I sure did have a feeling our gang would get bigger than I’d originally anticipated.

Yes, and the reason was…

“When I bragged to my father the other day about forming a group for justice, he said if we didn’t have enough hands, I could take as many skilled knights as we needed. He also said that should we need money, I was to take as much as I like! Boss, if you ever need help, please ask me anytime!”

…Yep, things were going really well.

But somehow, I felt like the gang was getting to be a bigger group than I’d envisioned.

2

And so.

“I cannot exactly look over this entire list the three of you gave me. Actually, in numbers alone, this is already more than some knight or mercenary orders. We talked before about our goal being to help the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade from the shadows while they forge their own way regardless of the bounty on their heads, but the shadows can’t possibly hold this many people.”

Having rested for a bit, my mana had recovered enough to move, and I glanced over the bundle of papers my followers had given me.

It included Axis followers, Crimson Magic Clansfolk, and even knights and competent adventurers who were famous in the capital.

Our goal was to be a small, elite thief gang, just like my idols.

That wasn’t to say I had gotten cold feet from something that started on a whim getting out of hand so quickly.

As I politely explained this, Yunyun got a silly grin on her face.

“…Hey, if you have something to say, let’s hear it.”

“I would neeever. I certainly wasn’t thinking that you always wimp out when things don’t go the way you plan, Megumin.”

As I prepared an assault on the impossibly lonely girl who thought she knew everything about people, Iris interjected in a shaky voice. “Boss, I understand what you’re saying, but why don’t we at least let a few more people join? We have two wizards and one priestess. I can use my sword and magic, so I’ll act as an attacker for our party, but I would like at least one more fighter.”

“It’s not like we’re going to go on a monster-hunting adventure, so we don’t really need to have a balanced party, you know? Actually, we already have more than enough power to raid a nobleman’s mansion anyway.”

We had two Crimson Magic Clan Arch-wizards and even a super-overpowered princess who was the descendant of a hero.

I wasn’t sure about the other one, but in the worst-case scenario, she’d help us plenty just by being there as a healer. Iris still looked troubled, however.

“Er, why don’t we go on adventures sometimes? I’d like to have someone below me anyway. Forever being the grunt isn’t very…”

“…Well, that lonely girl there seems to have a spark of hope in her eyes for adventuring, too, so I will think about it. Though, do you really desire a newcomer for such a silly reason? Oh well, I’ll promote you to being my left hand, so please be patient. By the way, Yunyun is my right hand. So congrats—you’re the number three in our lineup.”

Left hand or right, they got neither pay nor benefits, so saying as much was free.

Not to mention, there were only four of us, so being number three didn’t get you anything, either, but Iris was genuinely delighted.

No matter how powerful she was, she was a kid, after all.

Surprisingly, this girl might’ve been just as easy as Yunyun.

“What about me?! Hey, Megumin, don’t you have anything for me?! Give me a title I can brag about to people, too!”

This adult, who was sometimes more childlike than Iris, was the real problem.

As Cecily shook me by the shoulders to and fro, I said, “You are the manager of the Axis Church’s Axel branch, aren’t you? Don’t you already have a good-enough title?”

“Not like that! I’d also like something more, you know, like right hand, or left hand, or girlfriend, or lover, or husband, or wife, or anything is fine. I just want an intimate role!”

“Some of those words don’t go with the others! …Well then, how about adviser? I’m sure you listen to confessions as a priestess anyway, so whenever we’re in trouble, we can come to you for advice… Advice…”

Advice from her?

“Why can’t you commit to your answer? Come to me for advice anytime you’re in trouble! I’m especially good at romantic advice! I mean, you’re going through puberty anyway, so it’s perfect, right?”

Just when I was thinking how selfish an adult she was, Cecily suddenly said something intensely disturbing.

Sometimes this person was—how to put it?—scarily on point.

Struggling not to let on how startled I was, I said, “What are you talking about, Cecily? I am she who seeks to perfect the explosive path. I do not have a spare time to lose myself in something like love.”

“That’s right, Cecily—when Megumin starts talking about love, you’ll wonder if a doppelgänger is impersonating her.”

As Iris listened nervously to our conversation, Yunyun, who was clueless despite having been with me the longest, butted in with an unnecessary remark.

…Sometimes this girl was—how to put it?—dumb.

“Hmm. Recently, you seem vulnerable, or perhaps kinder or something… And once in a while, you get a look that makes me think, This girl’s in love.”

I’d been looking down on her as an Axis follower, but maybe this lady wasn’t just some weirdo.

“I was right; you have a love-like admiration for me, don’t you?! You’re a growing girl, after all; it can’t be helped. As far as I’m concerned, you can bring it on! By the way, how about you be the husband four days a week and me three days a week? If I had to choose, I think you’re better suited for the man’s role.”

It seemed my fear that Cecily was capable of understanding anything was unfounded.

With the words talking about love seeming to have grabbed her interest, Iris looked like she was itching to say something, but I wanted to avoid any further interrogation.

“Back to what I was saying! …We have now acquired a hideout and a source of income. Next, we’ll recruit capable personnel. Right now, all we have are sideshows—pretty soon I’d like to get someone respectable.”

“Wait just a minute there; I can’t believe the biggest oddball among us said that. I guess I’m all for getting someone respectable soon, though. Like, someone I could go out to eat with, outside of meetings like these—someone nice…”

“An attacker, boss! Let’s get an attacker adventurer so we can go on adventures!”

“According to my info,” Cecily started, “there are four filthy-rich young men in this town. It would be perfect if they were blond upper-class hunks, but if they seem like they’ll dote on me the rest of my life, I’m prepared to compromise.”

Was it possible for the things they wanted to be any more different?

Kazuma’s day-to-day leadership somehow started to seem really impressive.

“No, let’s look for a Thief with good sense. We aren’t here to recruit friends, adventuring companions, or husbands. Right now, we’re all as far from being a thief gang as you can get.”

“Eris followers call me a burglar sometimes, since I often snatch their supplies, so you could say I’m pretty well suited to a thief gang.”

“You want to change jobs? I will take you to the Adventurers Guild and have you change classes for real, you know?”

It was at that moment…

“Speaking of blond upper-class hunks and personnel, have any of you heard? They say that in this town is a former nobleman of a neighboring country who now works as an adventurer.”

…For some reason, Iris’s eyes had lit up when she spoke.

Nobles generally had a lot of innate talent.

Maybe not as much as with royals like Iris, but they actively incorporated the genes of so-called heroes into their bloodlines by giving over their daughters as concubines.

“Former nobleman? I do not know why he is down on his luck, but he might have a bit of treasure hidden away. You have my attention.”

Even Cecily appeared interested, though it was for a different reason than his potential or his talent.

“This is quite a famous story among the royals and nobles of various countries: A boy from the lower nobility in a neighboring nation received the super-rare title of Dragon Knight, and at the youngest age ever. Showing magnificent talent as a member of that class, the boy was the best spearman in the kingdom. Dragons had loved him since birth, too, and he was sincere, faithful, persevering, and good-natured, a shining example of a knight. Naturally, he was the target of the affections of many young women as well, but…

“It turned out that boy was appointed at a young age to be a bodyguard for a princess of that foreign country. No surprise that the princess, close in age, came to have feelings for him—anyone probably would’ve in that situation. However, the princess, being of royalty, already had a fiancé. Plus, she and the knight were of different social standings. The girl spent her days in joy and agony, unable to tell the boy her feelings. That boy, however, learned of her feelings by chance, and…

“…while knowing it would cause great trouble, the boy set the princess on the back of a dragon and whisked her away. Despite a countrywide search, no trace of them could be found, but about one week later, the boy returned to the castle, princess in tow, and although he avoided the death sentence, they stripped him of his right to be a Dragon Knight and of his inheritance.”

The rest of us, who’d been hanging on every word, exhaled deeply after Iris’s strangely moving story.

“In other words, he was a useless boy who kidnapped the princess and threw away the high life? Everyone knows kidnapping princesses is the job of evil wizards and the Demon King—you can’t go taking another’s job.”

“N-no! This is the beautiful story of a romance forbidden by social class, and him trying to honor the feelings of the princess despite that! According to rumor, the princess was the one who asked him to let her ride on the dragon’s back. I’m sure she said something like, If only we could keep riding far away together…while they were flying together!”

“Ooh! What is that? That’s incredible! I-in other words, he threw away his honor as a national hero and then turned his back on a life of wealth so that he could grant the desire of the princess…?!”

Yunyun was unreasonably excited at hearing Iris’s fantastical story.

“Yes, exactly! Even if he received punishment as a result, he fulfilled the dream she never thought would come true! That is the true account of things, according to the imaginations and rumors of noble and royal girls! What do you think? Isn’t it dreamy and marvelous? It’s a tragic love that’s heartbreaking and sad…!”

I noticed she’d said it was a true story and then immediately proved it probably wasn’t.

“In other words, Illis, you mean he’s adventuring in exile? In this very town?! Let’s get him to join! We definitely need him as our companion!”

The two of them were getting all excited, but it certainly would’ve been kinda cool if it was true.

Only if it was true, of course.

Maybe part of Iris sympathized with the princess in the story, being one herself.

And for Yunyun, too, having so few friends or companions, the thought of someone doing so much for another must have been moving.

“By the way, I wonder what happened during the week they were away? Could something big have happened that changed their lives? H-how far did they go…?!”

“What are you thinking about, Illis? Such a…! S-such a…!”

The two of them blushed as they squealed in excitement.

…It looked like the two young girls thought of the whole thing as a provocation for the imagination.

“I swear… Don’t just sit there making noise—let us go find this person. Even I have experienced bathing and sleeping in the same bed as Kazuma. With our relationship the way it is, we will probably go all the way the moment the opportunity presents itself. That knight person must be older than us, so I’m sure he and the princess have crossed that line already.”

“Hold on! I just heard Megumin say something very unsettling!”

“Me too!”

Both of them had previously been chattering to themselves on the sofa but now leaped to their feet.

“It’s not unsettling; at our age, it’s weirder not to have such experiences. Actually, in my case it’s a matter of course, with us living under the same roof. Come on—let’s go and find this champion. Calm down a bit more; look at Cecily—” While I spoke to the two girls who had their hands to their mouths in shock…

“Hey, Megumin, Cecily’s asleep…”

“…It would be a pain if we woke her, so we shall let her sleep.”

I reckoned I knew how Kazuma always felt looking after Aqua.

3

We walked through one of Axel’s back alleys toward the Adventurers Guild.

The reason we didn’t use the main paths was because the usual person was likely to come looking for Iris today, too.

Even if I thought that bodyguard wouldn’t show her face today, it was definitely better to do everything possible not to stand out.

“So how are we supposed to find this ex–Dragon Knight elite-nobleman guy?” I asked Iris while appreciating the distinctive people-free feel of the alley.

“Right… They say he has blond hair, a long-standing trait of nobility. Since he was good enough to be the youngest Dragon Knight ever, he should stand out right away in this town. I guess another distinguishing feature would be that he was a master of the spear, even in his own country.”

You didn’t see many blond men around these parts. Even if you did, they were guaranteed to be connected to the nobility somehow. I was certain I had almost no memory of seeing any blond male adventurers, but…

“A-anyway, boss? A while back, when you said you’d bathed together with Kazuma and slept in the same bed…” Iris had been stuck on that point for a while now. Her voice was timid as she asked.

“I meant exactly what I said. Well, when a normal boy and girl have lived together for almost a year, it should not be that surprising.”

““!!””

Ignoring both of them and their loss for words, I continued on with a smile of victory.

“Besides, as I said before, Kazuma and I have a promise to hang out in his room at some point, but going all the way so quickly would make him think I’m easy, you know. So, well, I’ve been putting it off as an adult’s bargaining tactic…”

The forever-alone girl and the princess had looks of awe, but…

“W-well, you really just chickened out, though, didn’t you? Or, like, something got in the way? When it comes to you, Megumin, I don’t think such a thing would happen unless something spurred you on anyway. I bet you’d need the momentum from something really shocking to go through with it.”

“Shut up! What would a total loner who’s never even held a guy’s hand know about it?!”

“?!”

Having brought Yunyun close to tears in an instant, I—an adult—took out the paper with my win-loss record against her and added a mark.

Watching out of the corner of her eye, Yunyun pretended to be calm, muttering, “Anyway, a skilled blond spearman who’s also famous in this town…? Also, he must be well-mannered, sincere, faithful, and gentlemanly… Erm… A-and he must be tall and handsome…I hope…”

“You are mixing in your hopes there. Though lots of nobles are good-looking, and according to the story, he was a sincere individual, so I guess you are mostly right, but…”

Well, if he had so many distinguishing qualities, we’d surely find him in no time…

“I can’t say I’ve heard of an adventurer with all those qualities.”

I had been naive to even imagine finding such a legendary person was possible.

Arriving at the Adventurers Guild, we’d asked the receptionist lady right away, but…

“Is there anyone you can think of who might even be close? Not many adventurers use spears, and this town in particular has lots of problem-child adventurers, so I am sure he would stand out quite a bit based on his virtues alone.”

“The adventurer party that stands out the most is yours, Miss Megumin. Though, even if there were some folks who fit one or two parts of that description, I can’t think of anyone who matches all of them…”

We turned to each other at the troubled-looking woman’s disappointing words.

“…Well then, could you please introduce us to those you said matched some of the traits?”

Thus.

The receptionist directed us to the partially matching candidates so that our search for the Dragon Knight, famed abroad in years past, could continue…

“…In my life up till now, I don’t recall ever being inferior to anyone, and I’m confident I’ve lived faithfully. I am also assured in my skills and I used to be well-known enough… Do you have some sort of business with a retired guy like me?”

The first person she introduced us to was an old man.

“Erm, I thought perhaps I’d like to listen to your tales. Okay, Illis and Yunyun, it’s your turn. Illis, you look up to adventurers, so you must like their stories, right? And you can talk with him all you want, Yunyun. You’re happy to get to talk with a new friend, aren’t you?”

“Please do tell me about your adventures when you were young, sir!”

“Huh?! I’m very happy just to get to talk with someone, but isn’t he totally the wrong age to be the one we’re looking for?!”

For now, I thrust the sincere-seeming old man we were introduced to on the two of them.

“…Indeed, I am famous enough and on the competent side, but I’ve never touched a spear. Well actually, I do touch another sort of spear every night! Know what I mean? Gah-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

The next adventurer we were introduced to, despite just meeting us, suddenly busted out a terrible dirty joke and got his face acquainted with my fist.

“…Indeed, the spear is a great specialty of mine, and not a competitor out there doesn’t know my name, but… Still, this is quite rare, for girls to take an interest in a sport like spear throwing.”

That Guild lady set me up with someone who wasn’t even a real adventurer.

A little later…

“Oh? What’re you doing here? Aren’t you that Explosion girl? What business could you possibly have with me? If it’s about money, I can’t help you—nobody’s gonna lend me any more anyway. I don’t even have enough for booze. Actually, could you lend me some? If I ever happen to hit it rich, I’ll give you back double.”

The person she introduced as the last one meeting my conditions was this blond-haired punk named Dust.

Dust was a man who, instead of working, lazed about in a corner of the Adventurers Guild complaining about not having any cash.

I forcefully pulled away the receptionist lady who’d introduced me to such a person.

“Excuse me, that there is definitely not him. We are searching for a young, blond, handsome, skilled, reasonably famous, sincere, faithful, persevering, and gentlemanly spearman. That guy there only matches the blond part. Even then, he’s a dirty blond at best.”

“If someone as dreamy as that existed, I’d be the one wanting an introduction… There are no other adventurers I know who even come close to matching all those qualities. The only blond adventurers in Axel are Miss Lalatina and Mr. Dust anyway… He may always be dead drunk, but at least he is surprisingly skilled and famous…”

“By ‘famous,’ you must mean infamous! I saw you tell new adventurers not to go near him!”

The people before him had been bad enough, but Dust felt like I’d been forced to draw the shortest straw.

“Come ooon! We’re buddies, Yunyun; at least buy me some booze!”

“You’re just an acquaintance, not a friend! The people around us are gonna look down on me even more than they already do, so stop it!”

At some point while I was talking to the receptionist lady, Dust had gotten ahold of Yunyun.

With my hand, I signaled for Iris, who was still listening to the old man’s stories of adventure, and said, “Illis, listen. The receptionist says the only blond male adventurer in town is that guy over there.”

“The old man was just getting to a good part. There was a One-Punch Bear that broke his spear, and he awoke to the power of his bare hands and made up his mind to fight with everything he had… If that man over there is the only one, then why don’t we go listen to what he has to say?”

Iris seemed disappointed at first, but she suggested we feel out things with Dust.

“No, I can say for sure that guy is definitely not the knight. If we let our eyes off him for a second, that guy will go get Kazuma into trouble—he’s what you would call ‘bad company,’” I explained, watching said punk as he continued to bother Yunyun.

That said, Yunyun was being unusually assertive in her protests. She was usually so quiet. What could have happened between the two of them?

Lately I’d been hearing rumors that she had been hanging around some odd folks, so could that have had something to do with this guy?

Up until now, I hadn’t paid much attention to her, but maybe it would’ve been better to look after her. I didn’t want any weirdos getting ahold of her.

“Oh, I know that guy. He was the one who bumped into a woman passing by and then claimed to have a broken leg, or whatever, on this one trip I took into town. He was trying to intimidate that lady by saying, ‘Buy me a meal as compensation.’ I remember sending Claire after him as punishment…”

Seriously, what was Dust doing?

Seeming to have finally thrown away even his pride, Dust was bowing down at Yunyun’s feet, probably begging for money so he could drink.

Looking embarrassed, Yunyun was getting some cash out of her wallet in a flustered panic. Bowing down in public to get someone to buy something seemed like a form of intimidation in and of itself.

A former Dragon Knight who squeezed beer money from younger girls and bowed down in public…

“…Yep, there is no way it is him. So that means the knight must have gone to some other town. There is not much we can do if we do not even have his name. How about we give up for the day and hang at the hideout before going home?”

“Boss, I feel like intelligence gathering in times like these is exactly what thieves do. Can we really call ourselves a thief gang…?”

Iris hit me where it hurt, but this was no time to be talking about that…

…Hmm?

“Illis, you just made a really good point! That’s right—we’re a bandit crew. What we should be searching for is a talented Thief!”

“I-it seems a bit late for that. For a wizard like you to be saying such things as the boss of a thief gang is—”

“Hush, that’s not important right now! I just found someone who looks like a Thief, right when we need them! Come on, Illis! Let us go!”

Taking the confused Iris along, I ran over to someone I hadn’t seen come by the Guild in a long time.

4

“Nice to see you. It has been a while, Chris. I know this is sudden, but we have formed a thief gang, so please join.”

“Pfft!”

As I extended my invitation immediately following my greeting, Chris gloriously spat out the milk she had been drinking.

“What are you doing? A young woman should not be spitting out milk in a public place.”

“Cough, cough… Don’t ask me what I’m doing! You know it’s because you opened with something so ridiculous all of a sudden!”

I hadn’t seen Chris since the Eris Appreciation Festival, but here she was, taking a break by herself. She wore a satisfied look, as though the Thief had just completed a job.

Seeing that, I tried talking to her, of course, but…

“You say it’s ridiculous, but seeing as you’re a Thief, it wouldn’t be that odd if you were part of a crew of bandits, would it?”

“Y-y-y-yeah, but! Yeah, but! I mean, what does that even mean?! Listen, you aren’t trying to tease me because you know who I really am, are you, Megumin?!”

As I stood perplexed about the odd thing Chris had said, Iris caught up. I briefly explained my relationship with Chris to the princess.

Curiously, despite it being their first meeting, Iris cocked her head to the side.

“Er, is your name Chris? I beg your pardon, but haven’t we met somewhere?”

At the sudden question, the Thief also cocked her head…

“Your name is Illis, right? A second ago, I thought I’d seen you before, too…er, ahhh?!”

It seemed like she recognized Iris as a royal. Right, all she really did to conceal herself was use the dubious name Illis. Most of the time she didn’t even hide her face.

There were probably pictures of royals’ faces floating all over the place.

“Just as I would expect from a well-informed Thief, you seem to know who Illis really is, but she is incognito. It would be a problem if we caused a commotion, so could you…?” I thought she was surprised to realize Illis was a royal, but something was odd about Chris’s manner.

“I—I see! Well, I am a Thief, you know?! When you’re like me, you know who someone is and where they’re from at first glance! If she’s incognito, then it can’t be helped. W-well then, I have some errands to run, so I’ll be off—”

She said something that made no sense and tried to leave, but I promptly grabbed her.

“Where are you going? Since you’re so well-informed, I have something to ask of you.”

“Wh-what might that be? I’m a pure and upstanding Thief for justice with nothing on my conscience, but I don’t think there’s anything I could help you with.”

Then, as I held on to her arm, she glanced suspiciously back at Iris.

“I’m not exactly trying to do anything to you. Like I said a second ago, we made a crew for thievery, but we’re having trouble finding some real talent. We were able to get a ton of Knights, Arch-wizards, and Priests, but despite calling it a thief gang, we don’t have a single all-important, actual Thief…”

“You can get Knights, Arch-wizards, and Priests? Hey, wouldn’t you make more money just dropping the whole gang thing and being a mercenary band or something? It seems like you’ve already succeeded at gathering together a much more exclusive group…”

As Chris looked to be thinking hard, sure enough, Iris seemed doubtful.

“I cannot complain about their fighting ability, of course. But since we require an actual Thief, I want to ask you to join, Chris. Also, we are actually looking for another person as well. I would also like to ask you to help search for them.”

“A thief gang, huh…? I mean, I got myself involved in a few things after admiring a similar kind of group. So I do understand how you feel, you know?”

It was a better response than I had expected.

“You really do understand. Actually, we also formed this group because we admired a certain group of famous bandits… By the way, do you know the so-called Silver-Haired Thief Brigade?”

“Yeah, I know them. I guess I probably know them a lot better than anyone else does.”

Of course! Chris was part of an intelligence network—as expected of a true-blue Thief.

I bent down and lowered my voice. “Actually, this is just between us, but all of us admire the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade. Influenced by their actions, we are trying to support them secretly from the shadows, giving those heroes what little assistance we can. They know nothing about our activities. You might call it an evolved fan club.”

“I seeee… Hey, Megumin, just asking, but you’re not making fun of me, are you?”

For some reason, Chris had a far-off look, as if she knew way more than I ever could.

“What are you talking about? We are serious! Ahhh, did supporting criminals with a bounty on their heads sound like I was kidding? Just between us, there is actually a reason they have a bounty on them.”

“Ahhh, yeah. I know about that, too, so don’t worry. So basically, I guess you’re like an unofficial subsidiary supporting the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade? And you want me to join, you say.”

“That is correct. Please join, even as a provisional member, if you prefer. Of course, in that case, you would be considered the grunt in the beginning.”

At that, Chris made an interesting face with a mixture of uncertainty and suspicion.

“G-grunt… I’ll be the grunt of a Silver-Haired Thief Brigade subsidiary…? I mean, well, I don’t mind going along with it, you know? Anyway, Megumin, I know I keep asking, but you’re not yanking my chain, already knowing everything, are you?”

“…Why have you been so paranoid all this time?”

“I’m supposed to have good luck, right? Why do I keep ending up in such amusing situations…? Like during the Eris Appreciation Festival, when, for some reason, I had to help out at the Axis Church’s stall. Or…I guess like right now, too…”

5

I told Chris, who ended up going with the flow and joining us, about the matter of the Dragon Knight.

“If the ex–Dragon Knight has blond hair, isn’t that him over there?” she asked, pointing to, of course, Dust.

Over there, perhaps unwilling to let Yunyun go after just a single cup of booze, he had begun some kind of lecture about human relations.

I thought even Yunyun would try to give him a beating for preaching about getting along with people, but she was nodding interestedly with a hmm-hmm and taking notes.

“That is not him. I guess there are things even someone as well-informed as you does not know.”

“Huh?! B-but the person you’re looking for is blond, right? I’m pretty sure the only adventurers with blond hair in this town are him and Darkness.”

This was already old news to me.

“Blond hair is the only thing that punk has in common with the person I am looking for. I swear, how blind are you, Chris?”

“A-am I?! I’m pretty sure you’re the one person I don’t wanna hear that from in this situation, Megumin!”

I was about to ask what she meant by that, but suddenly I noticed something.

“…I was thinking, you have been awfully quiet for a little while now; what is wrong?”

“No, I just have a feeling I really have met Chris before, but I can’t remember where…”

“You don’t need to remember! I have no memory of meeting you to begin with, Illis, so I’m sure this is the first time!”

Chris is getting awfully flustered.

“Anyway, about that person you said you’re looking for. My intuition tells me it’s definitely that blond guy over there. He’s wearing a sword, but his footwork and the casual way he maintains spacing seem like that of a spear user. And by my reckoning, he looks like quite an expert.”

Chris’s face turned suddenly serious as she cast a glance at Dust, who had now stood up in front of Yunyun and was busy doing something bizarre.

“Take a good look—people won’t make light of you if you walk like this. You’re so desperate for friends, you try to lick the boots of others. When people look down on you as an adventurer, it’s over. Just like dogs and cats, first impressions decide who’s superior!”

As we watched, Dust squared his shoulders and started moving unsteadily, like a drunkard, swaying his body around. As onlookers stared inquisitively, thinking Yunyun and the drunk were buddies, the forever-alone girl cringed in embarrassment.

“…I see. So that is an expert spearman’s footwork. You have quite the observant eye, Chris.”

“Why did that guy have to start doing something weird right when I said something?!”

…Continuing to garner the attention of onlookers for some time afterward with his bizarre movements, Dust left the Guild with Yunyun, as if it was the most everyday thing in the world.

Yunyun kept looking our way like she wanted help, but given Chris had said this was the guy we were looking for, we ended up letting her go along with Dust so we could tail them.

When I signaled for her to go with it, Yunyun followed along in resignation.

“If you are so adamant about it, then I am willing to use her as a sacrifice, but I do not think that is him.”

“My gut tells me he’s putting on an act. There must be some reason he pretends to be an idiot.”

I had no idea why she wanted him to be a secret expert so bad, but Chris seemed to recognize Dust as quite the pro, in her mind, at least.

My gut told me this wasn’t her pretending but straight-up bona fide idiocy.

After all, when he came to my house the other day to ask Kazuma to hang out, he had a straight-faced, lively, and sacrilegious discussion with Aqua, who was loafing around at home, about why so many Eris followers had small boobs.

We followed for a bit…

“His gait seems a bit awkward to me, too. Like he’s trying to force a new way of moving after abandoning what was deeply ingrained for many years… Actually, I kind of feel an aura of strength coming from that person.”

It would’ve been one thing if it was just Chris, but now Iris, a powerful combatant in her own right, had praised Dust.

Surely that guy couldn’t really be…?

Ahead of us, on the other hand, Yunyun opened her mouth to say something while Dust was taking her who-knows-where.

“Aren’t you walking a bit funny today, Dust? You seem to be limping. Is your leg hurt…?”

“Oh, you can tell? Nah, it’s just a little pain; I’m not injured or anything. The other day, I heard from my buddy Keith about, uhhh, what would you call it? He told me about a way to make a you-know-what get bigger even after you’ve stopped growing, so I tried it out. Of course, it involved using minced ginger, raw garlic, and wasabi… Hey, why are you looking at me like that? That wasn’t a come-on this time, so stop chanting that spell.”

Even after saying something so vulgar to such a young girl, Dust continued.

“Look, girls try drinking milk and massaging and whatnot to make their boobs bigger, right? Every boy has the dream of making his you-know-what bigger. You have things you want, too, don’t you? You dream of having friends, and I dream of being huge. Aren’t both our goals marvelous?”

…A young girl’s longtime, earnest dream of having friends and a guy’s dream of being a big guy.

I watched Yunyun start arguing with Dust, yelling at him not to ruin her childhood dream.

“You two have some incredible judgment. Apparently, that’s the reason for that awkward walk of his.”

Chris and Iris, who had been explaining things to me with such confidence, hid their red faces.

6

“Hey, Yunyun got mad and went home—is there still any point in tailing him? Shadowing a guy like this makes me feel like I have really hit rock bottom.” With her pure childhood dream now categorized with the vilest one, Yunyun left.

We continued on with our shadowing. Chris, now acting partly out of obstinance, led the group.

“My gut tells me there’s definitely something about him. I have a better eye for people than my looks would suggest. I can see through to the real him… At least, I think so. I’m not in the zone right now, so I can’t be absolutely sure.”

I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by “in the zone,” but for how good her eye for people was supposed to be, I seemed to recall her not worrying about Vanir and Wiz when she’d seen them at the Eris Appreciation Festival, despite being a zealous follower of Eris herself.

“I just have one thing to ask: What do you think of the undead and devils, Chris?”

“I think they should all burn in Hell.”

That was fast.

“Even if it was a person who had no choice but to become an undead to fulfill some heartfelt wish, or if it was a devil who basically loved teasing people but didn’t seem as bad as you thought once you got to know them…?”

“I think they should all burn, without any exceptions.”

A typical Eris follower.

This was what it meant to give no quarter.

She probably didn’t think of Vanir as anything more than a bit of a weirdo, either, but this really showed me how blind Chris was.

Then, as Chris looked perplexed at my sudden question…

“Ah, both of you, over there!”

When we looked where Iris was pointing, we saw Dust making sure nobody was around as he stood in front of a trash heap that crows had strewn about.

“Huh, he really is an honest person after all. Look, look, he’s doing good deeds when nobody’s around to notice. After he’s gone out of his way to make sure no one is around, he’s gonna start cleaning up the garbage. Even regular people don’t usually do that. He’s looking more and more like the person you’re searching for!”

…Not exactly.

“I see, so he’s sifting through the unsorted trash. I really had this individual misjudged! He must have had some noble reason when he hassled that lady on the street before, too…!”

Both of them were gloriously mistaken—he was going through the refuse to search for anything he could sell.

As proof, when he found something that seemed worth selling, he rejoiced with a huge smile plastered on his face.

“See, Megumin, my eyes aren’t so bad, huh?”

She was just as blind as Aqua.

“Look at that! He’s not just sorting the trash but even cleaning up what was scattered around. The ex–Dragon Knight in the story was said to have a sincere, faithful, and persevering personality, after all…”

Not knowing much about garbage, Iris seemed to have a strange misunderstanding—clearly, he was doing it because leaving the refuse scattered would make it difficult for him to go through it later on.

Having found something of value, Dust was beside himself as he cleaned up the trash heap and took what he found straight to the nearby hardware shop.

“He found that a moment ago, right? Is it okay to exchange something you found for money, even if it was in a pile of garbage?”

Chris volunteered to answer Iris and her doubts.

“W-well, it was thrown out, after all. Rather than leaving it thrown away, I guess reusing it like that would be better for the world…”

Ignoring what both of them said…

“It seems that perhaps he did not agree with the buying price, because it looks like he just started arguing… Ah, I guess they ended up winning, since now he is venting frustration by kicking the garbage bin out all over the ground!”

““……””

The two of them, who’d been looking smug as they praised Dust, once again covered their red faces.

…We continued to follow him thereafter.

“Look, Megumin, over there—he’s helping a woman who’s being hassled by some foreign adventurer! He’s gonna do a good deed this time for sure…!”

“…He’s started bothering her himself now, demanding she date him as thanks.”

He ran away once the police warned him to stop harassing her.

“…Oh, Dust dropped his wallet.”

“He sure did. This isn’t the time for stalking; we have to pick it up and return it… Oh, the person walking behind him is returning it. That’s good!”

“Wait, oh no! He’s arguing now, something like, I’m sure I had more in my wallet. You stole it, didn’t you?!”

Having deliberately dropped his wallet and argued with the young man who picked it up for him, Dust bolted again after the police showed up.

“This is our chance! A newbie adventurer is practicing his spear play in an empty lot! If Dust is a spear master, I’m sure he’ll do something…!”

“…He went by, picking his nose, showing no interest whatsoever.”

“…In fact, he’s making a fuss to the police who came after him earlier. Looks like he’s asking why they don’t scold an adventurer who’s waving a weapon around in town.”

It was thus that Dust relentlessly showed us his pathetic stripes.

After fully and shamelessly demonstrating that he was the loser to be most wary of in this town, he finally…

“…Then I boldly leaped out in front of the Kowloon Hydra as a decoy to protect the other adventurers from danger. I was sent to Lady Eris when it killed me. Man, seeing her with my own eyes… Dang, she was divine.”

“Ooh…! I want to meet Lady Eris, too, but that won’t happen when I die of old age. I’m sure going somewhere dangerous and throwing away one’s life on purpose would go against her will, too. I’m so jealous you got to meet her…!”

Having made an utter nuisance of himself as he wandered around town, Dust returned to the Adventurers Guild and was now telling fishy tales to an old Eris priest he’d grabbed.

As I recalled, the souls of people who met an unlucky fate, like getting killed by monsters, did make their way to the goddess Eris. Things like death from old age were not included in that, of course.

It wasn’t completely unbelievable that, if Dust did die from a Kowloon Hydra, he would have met the goddess, but…

“And so Lady Eris says to me, ‘You are not meant to die here. You are destined to aid the hero who will defeat the Demon King someday. Come now—return to us and help the hero who will save this world. I pray that you may bring light upon the land…’”

“Wow, Lady Eris said that?! You sure carry a great destiny on your shoulders! If there is anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate to ask!”

It was rather dubious whether Eris really told him that. For some reason, Chris started to tremble when she saw the priest so sincerely moved.

As a devout follower of Eris herself, perhaps Chris was jealous that Dust had met her.

His tale concluded, Dust chugged a drink the clergyman had bought as thanks for the story. The blond man turned with a smile toward the naive-seeming priest…

“Oh, really? Actually, I’d love to fight alongside the hero and save the world, but sadly, I don’t have the money… I wonder if there are any devout followers of Eris around who’d be my patron, for the sake of world peace…”

“What did you saaaaaaaay?!”

Chris grabbed ahold of Dust.

7

“Come on—what’re you doing? I was this close. Ah, you’re that girl, right? The Thief who Kazuma yanked the panties off of when you two first met. Didn’t you run away crying after that?”

“I—I—I didn’t cry! Anyway, that was an accident!”

We treated Dust to a meal at a table in one corner of the Adventurers Guild.

When Chris had suddenly flown into a rage and grabbed the man, he’d complained that she was interfering with business. Somehow, the tables had turned, and the Thief was buying him food after he got angry…

“Boss, is it true that Kazuma stripped off Chris’s panties? You said earlier you were bathing with him, too. What is he getting up to?”

“That sort of thing is business as usual for him. Just the other day at the mansion, he was trying to pull down Darkness’s underwear in the bathroom stall.”

“What could possibly lead to a situation like that?!”

As I was filling Iris in on all of Kazuma’s sexual harassment, Dust went wild ordering everything he could on Chris’s dime, saying, “Speaking of, I guess you were all tailing me today; what was that about? Are you guys my fans?”

“No one would be weird enough to be your fan… Er, wait, you noticed us? I didn’t use my Ambush skill, but still—just as I thought, you’re more than just some nobody, aren’t you?” Chris asked suggestively, still seemingly unable to let go of the idea of Dust being a former noble elite.

“Nah, you all stand out like crazy. I’m sure anyone would’ve noticed with that loud fuss you were making.”

“W-well, whatever. Anyway, you—just because you met Eris doesn’t mean you can spread lies, you know! Don’t come crying to me when she smites you!”

It was hard to believe such a levelheaded Thief was this devout a follower of Eris.

Unperturbed by Chris’s anger, Dust said, “Hey, hey, how would you know if I was lying? You’ve never met Lady Eris, right? That’s right, you haven’t; you can’t meet her unless you die, after all.”

“Well… I—I mean, Lady Eris would never say something so prophetic…” Chris averted her eyes awkwardly, sensing her weakened position.

Seemingly unable to repress her curiosity, Iris leaned in. “What sort of individual was Lady Eris? Did she look just like she does in the pictures?”

“Oh, who’s this? I haven’t seen your face around. Lady Eris was just as front-heavy as the Axis Church claims her to be, which was obviously because of pad— Er, aaahhhh!”

After his sacrilegious remark, Dust got a better look at Iris’s face and let out a shriek.

“Wait a second! You can’t go around spreading that talk about pads!”

“Shut up! Who cares about a goddess’s boob pads right now?! Hey, kid, aren’t you that brat who was with Vanir’s master and set your short-tempered blond bodyguard on me while I was hitting on chicks?! That scary suit lady isn’t here today, is she?!”

“Ummm, if you mean Claire, she isn’t here right now.”

Now that he mentioned it, I did seem to remember Iris saying something like that a while back.

“Wait, you seriously have to stop mentioning boob pads! Anyway, you can’t make up conversations with Lady Eris—she really will smite you, okay?!”

Dust grinned amusedly at Chris as she slammed the table with a wham.

“Like I said, do you have any proof I lied? I tell you, even though it was the first time we met, Lady Eris was obviously into me. The look she had was unmistakable.”

“No, she was looking at you with pity, like anyone would look after someone died in such a stupid way!”

“Don’t insult me like that, as if you were there yourself! I bravely charged the Kowloon Hydra—now apologize!”

“All you did was lose your mind trying to get all the glory for yourself!”

Their argument didn’t look like it was going to calm down, but once Dust’s food arrived, they seemed to call a temporary truce.

“…Well? Getting back on topic, why were you following me?”

“As it happens, I recently formed a thief gang with a certain goal in mind. Then I heard rumors about a blond and handsome expert adventurer, so I decided to recruit him. When I asked the receptionist lady if such a person existed, she told me you were the only adventurer with the right color of hair, so I figured I’d measure your ability…”

His face stuffed full of food, Dust swallowed and impolitely pointed his fork my way.

“A handsome expert adventurer? I swear, all anyone cares about these days is looks. I’ll let Kazuma know later that you were all trying to pick up hot adventurers.”

“N-no, we were not trying to pick up anyone! Besides, I personally do not care if they’re not hot; that is just what the rumor said!”

For some reason, I stammered an excuse. Dust gazed my way, doubtful.

“What sort of person is this guy you’re looking for? I guess this panties-stripped girl couldn’t find him, but I know a lot about this town’s adventurers, even if I don’t look it. Anyone can dye their hair, after all. Try me: What’s this guy like?”

“He was supposed to be a blond, handsome, highly skilled, sincere, faithful, persevering individual. Supposedly, all the young women idolized him.”

“……Does anyone like that really exist in this world?” Dust asked, looking more and more unsure. “If we’re talking someone similar to that, I guess there’s just that weirdo named Mitsu…something-or-other. Was he really that stalwart, though? He got super mad when I touched the butt of the chick he was with.”

It was glaringly obvious we really had asked the wrong person.

“Er, do you mind if I ask you something?” Iris spoke up after having remained silent for a while.

“Huh? What is it, kiddo? I don’t have a girlfriend or anything, but unlike Kazuma, I’m not a loli-lover, got it?”

“Please don’t call him a ‘loli-lover’! No, that’s not it… Er, do you ever use a spear?”

His eyebrow perking up at the mention of a spear, Dust scratched his head a bit awkwardly.

“I—”

“Lady Illiiiiiiiiiiis!”

No sooner had Dust started than he was cut off by a yell echoing throughout the Guild Hall.

The owner of the voice was none other than Claire, Iris’s bodyguard.

“Ahhh! You’re that weird chick who took swipes at me out of nowhere before!”

“Ahhh! You’re that skirt-chasing wretch from before! I won’t let you get your claws on Lady Illis this time…!”

“Liar! Hey, kiddo, didn’t you say this chick wasn’t around today?!”

“Th-there was no way I could…”

Dust, frightened by the woman in the white suit, fled the scene, his complaint to Iris trailing off behind him.

…Chris and I saw the princess off. After, we realized how late it was and decided to call it a day.

“No fabled ex–Dragon Knight after all. Well, I am glad you joined up at least, Chris.”

“That adds up. No expert adventurer would have a reason to stay in a beginners’ town. But anyway, I guess that Dust guy wasn’t him. I was sure I had an eye for people, though…”

Vanir and Wiz standing out as much as they did was proof this girl was as blind as a bat.

“But why did that Dragon Knight make off with the princess? The story may have been lovely as Illis told it, but he must have had his reasons.”

“Well, everyone has a secret or two. I myself have something I have never shown anyone, not even Kazuma.”

We Crimson Magic Clansfolk were each born with a number and mark on different spots of our bodies.

In my case, it was sort of on a spot I couldn’t show other people…

“Megumin, a girl shouldn’t say they’ll show that to just anyone, you know?”

“I am not necessarily talking about anything lewd! Anyway, you have at least one secret of your own, don’t you, Chris?!”

The Thief giggled quietly at that.

“I guess I might have a few I keep from you, Megumin—secrets I share with Kazuma, at that.”

“Oh, are you challenging me? That is a challenge, right? Fine, I am sick of seeing all the hussies ogling him recently—bring it on!”

“W-w-w-wait a sec, I’m not like that!”

8

Cecily was still sleeping like a log when we got back to the hideout, so I decided to head home.

The priestess was so totally smitten with the place, it seemed she would live there in a heartbeat. It was probably better to have someone always there than to leave it empty anyway.

Today, we got a really good new member. Yes, the Thief we’d been waiting so long for, at last.

Somehow, we’d been straying off course at every turn, but now we could finally get down to some real banditry.

It was like, everyone was so unique, it made it hard to keep everyone on track.

Kazuma might have actually been a genius to get such people to do what he wanted and to bring them together when it counted.

…Pondering leadership qualities on my way back to the mansion, a familiar figure caught my eye.

It was the newbie adventurer who had been practicing his spear play in an empty lot. He was still swinging his spear around, despite the setting sun. Dust watched him quietly from a short distance. He was probably just going to mess with the newbie again. Checking for police nearby, the blond man approached the newbie adventurer.

“…Hey, lemme see that spear a sec. I’ll show you how it’s done,” he said rather unexpectedly.

The adventurer, perhaps ignorant of Dust’s notoriety, wiped sweat from his brow and handed over the spear.

Checking its length and condition, Dust swung the spear around for the while with a whoosh, and then he showed off some thrusts. Even to an amateur like me, it looked well practiced. The newbie adventurer stopped wiping himself off, his gaping mouth confirming the same thing I was seeing. The sound of the spear slicing through the air became sharper with each swing. The newbie was totally stunned.

A growing sense of tension gripped me.

Dust oozed such concentration that it made me wonder where the usual loser had gone; finally, he came to a low squat with the spear held at the ready, and…

“…I’m home!”

“Welcome back. Tonight’s dinner is everyone’s favorite, beef hot pot. I’m sick of Aqua saying, ‘Come on, come on,’ so go ahead and wash up.” Kazuma was today’s chef. He was carrying a gently boiling pot.

Aqua was already seated at the table, and Darkness, who’d apparently been waiting on me, was pouring booze for everyone.

“Kazuma, I have a little something to ask—do you mind?”

“Oh, what’s this all of a sudden? …Ahaaa, you wanna ask when I’m going to bed?” he said with feigned ignorance, apparently thinking about our promise the other day.

“No, not that. It is… Do you have anything you’re keeping from someone else? Like a secret, or something like that.”

“A secret? I have tons of secrets. I mean, who doesn’t?”

…I guess that’s true.

The spectacle I’d witnessed just before was so shocking, it’d made me ask something silly. Could Dust really have been that Dragon Knight? His last technique had been almost unbelievable.

If he hadn’t brought me back down to reality by saying, “Bring me one million eris if you want me to teach you that,” I might’ve been overwhelmed.

“What are you on about so suddenly, Megumin? By the way, I don’t have any secrets. I trust all of you. I’ve told you everything there is about me.” Darkness spoke to me with a soft smile as I contemplated.

“Funny you’d say that, since you joined the party pretending not to be a girl and caused that big scene when you tried to get married in secret.”

Suddenly, Darkness looked ready to cry as Kazuma instantly won the argument.

Then Aqua, who was excitedly waiting for the hot pot meat to cook, said, “Oh my, even I have secrets, you know? Actually, I was thinking I should let everyone know soon.”

“Come on! You’re just gonna tell everyone you’re a goddess again, right? I told you, you’re never gonna get these two to believe you…”

“No, not that. It’s coming up on a year since we formed our party, and I couldn’t help drinking the expensive booze Kazuma bought to celebrate!”

Kazuma suddenly froze at Aqua’s words.

“My bad!”

“Whaddaya mean, ‘My bad’? You bonehead! That’s called dishonesty, not a secret! …Hey, those are some shifty eyes there. You were probing to see if I’d get mad about something petty because you have a bigger secret to hide, don’t you?! Come on—tell me!”

…Oh well.

Even I was still keeping the thief gang’s presence hidden from Kazuma.

I just ignored the two of them. They were busy arguing like they always did anyway…

Tilting a wineglass, Darkness asked me cheerfully, “By the way, Megumin, apparently you’ve been spending time with a lot of different people recently? What on earth were you doing today?”

Huh. What had happened today? A bunch of stuff, I guess? I got another grunt, but if I had to pick something…

“I saw some surprisingly different sides to a few different people today. If they give the okay, I will tell you about it sometime. I am sure you will be shocked.”

This was like Iris or Yunyun, but I’d definitely have to ask what had really happened with the princess next time.