A Lavender's Words

The next day, Uki visits Fulgur as usual. The two of them kept silent about the argument they’ve had yesterday, as if nothing has ever happened. As if proving the doctor’s words, Fulgur has started feeling sleepier. It started as an extra half to a full hour of sleep, then it was two, three, invading their usual meeting. Fulgur has been apologetic about it, he’s even suggested in moving back the appointment, but Uki declined. He doesn’t care if Fulgur was awake or asleep, he just wants to accompany him in his remaining time. Every time Uki visits, he sits at the bedside watching Fulgur sleep, singing a spell to soothe the man every time he furrows his brow.

‘Because you can’t.’ Fulgur’s words haunted Uki for the past few days. Like a pencil lead in the palm from some time long ago, though not visible, the strange feeling it brings time to time still reminds one of its existence.

While he was sleeping, Uki plucks a feather from his wing and starts to chant. He knows what he’s doing is selfish, he should respect Fulgur’s wishes, but he still wants this man to live. He sings the familiar blessing, but the feather doesn’t budge. He sings again, and again, until his throat starts to hurt, but it never lit up. The blessing did not work, his hidden card falls flat in front of this man.

“I’ve told you, you can’t.” Who knows when did the man in the hospital bed wake up, staring at him with those silver eyes. Uki originally thought Fulgur was referring to his spells, but instead he was talking about a concrete fact. The feather in his hand seems to weigh a thousand at this moment, as he could no longer hold. He could hear his voice tremble.

Because… this means…

“You’ve been saved by… an angel.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnr574Mf9FT

“Both metaphorically and physically.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡai1Y9hhBsj

“They didn’t wipe your memory?” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJTIItvcqy

Fulgur doesn’t respond directly, but instead he describes a memory. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIJtcRbp8K

“I’ve treaded the borders of death once. A man saved me as I was unconscious, I woke up as he turned to leave. I only remember his soft voice, his beautiful shillouette. He had short, curly hair which was the same lavender color as the light of his wings.”

The flashback answered questions both before and now. That was why he knows about his status as an angel, because he was the one to save him.

“I’m sorry.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDhuL9da05

“Don’t cry, don’t apologize.” Fulgur puts his hand on Uki’s hair and ruffles it gently “My angel, this isn’t your fault.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYQUXeZCxx

“Do you… hate him?” Do you hate me for saving you without asking?

Even though the memory was fuzzy, it didn’t stop him from thinking about the what ifs— if he didn’t deliberately give him a blessing, would all this be different? Uki couldn’t stop trembling at the thought. Fulgur leans over slowly, holding him tight.

“Would you like to know the floriography of lavenders, Uki?” His voice is gentle, soft. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KyA3A2OV2

“A lavender’s…floriography?” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2Smy3WqP8

“Yes, can I tell you?” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttVr20EyTX

“Yes.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwIYAPsRAV

“It’s the quiet company, it’s the anticipation—it’s the eternity of love.”

“All of which, I wish to dedicate to you.”

-

“Uki, my angel, can I ask you to stay the night with me tomorrow.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXtEP2JxpL

“Yes.”

-

The next day, Uki walks into the room seeing Fulgur awake, which was rare since the past few days. He sat up in his bed, staring out the window, like the day they first met. Upon the sound of the door, he turns with a soft and elegant smile on his face.

“Come, sit.” Fulgur lightly pats the space on the cot beside him. For a split, it was like the day they first met in this hospital room. Uki sits next to him as an accept to his invitation, their shoulders leaning into each other, their hands lightly held, watching the window view in silence. Sky blue slowly turns into red, then fades into black. Neither of them gets up to turn on the light, letting darkness flood the room whole. Uki spreads his wings, the gray-ish purple light surrounds the two of them, becoming the only light source within this darkness. This is the first time Uki freely shows his angel form in front of Fulgur. Fulgur lightly docks his head on Uki’s shoulder, in which he responds by wrapping his wing around him, burying his face in the silver strands.

“I lied to you, did you know?” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtvZjhDVhf

“Lied about what?” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtxhgPlTh5

“I never saw you flying outside my window.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabB7cnFoaI

“I know.” If it was past Uki sitting here, he would have asked for the purpose of keeping him here. But now, he wants to ask nothing, nor does he need to. Reasons and backgrounds have long lost their importance. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYpaeYSNf0

“But, I really do know that you’re an angel.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LVGl4DoCA

“I know.”

“Are you happy?” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SqoM0yHs1

“Yes.” Happy, very happy. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3RHzauDcb

“You?” Uki throws the question back. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAWqH0xlZC

“Without regrets.” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYGK8JmT3Y

After a short pause, Fulgur spoke once more. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELanoE7pDq

“Would you say I’ve repaid my savior?” 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxiIrh3kfI

“Definitely.” You gave me the happiest three months of my life, you gave me everything you could give. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡth6NCrQMth

You gave me this everlasting love. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfmrNBm1dt

“that’s good to know.” Fulgur lets out a breath, as if he’s trying to let out all the worry he’s been collecting in this very sigh.

“Thank you, Uki.” Both Fulgur’s breath and voice were now trembling. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC6Jdx0bCd

“I’ll see you, some other day, my angel.” The voice was soft, but it seemed to take all of his strength. The palms stacked together held tightly, then released. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWDve5VKij

Uki doesn’t respond, he just pulls the man in closer. He doesn’t need to turn his head to tell, to tell what he’s holding was nothing but an empty shell.

It shouldn’t be him. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlwTWjaJRW

Death shouldn’t have come for someone like him. 128Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpSbbrALWL

Why does it have to be him?

He hated how fate mapped all this; he hated how God did not show mercy; he hated how he could do absolutely nothing. Black dyed the white wings from the feather-tips, pain spread with to the ends of his body. The pains of punishment were no match of losing a loved one, far from it. Amidst the pain, the lingering warmth in his arms provided comfort, in which he holds it tighter. When the pain finally subsides with the color, he body he has been holding has gone cold. Uki sets Fulgur down on the bed and tucks him in, moves gentle as if careful to not disturb the man’s slumber. Even in his final moments, Fulgur still held a smile on his face.

“I wish for God to smile upon you nicely in your next life. I wish for no pain, no suffering.” He kissed Fulgur on the forehead, a last prayer from an angel to a human. The pattern representing life has never looked more sarcastic. At some point in time, the dried lavender on the bedside table has lost its color, yet its scent still lingers the room. Faint, as if it would disappear in a whiff, but still detectable. As if someone’s lingering before their departure.

“I wish for a role in your upcoming story.” He knows it's a selfish one, but he truly does want to see him once more. Even if it was only from the sides.

A soft choral flows through the room, but tonight, there’s no audience in room 505.

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