Chapter 1

Okay. I used DP to fill up the holes that the Dungeon Eaters left, so that was fine. Really, almost everything was fine. But despite having just “finished” the dungeon, after all that it was hard to deny that it needed some improvements.

First, we needed to make a room built around defense. One that could fight off a Dungeon Eater no matter where it came in from. But... wait. Would a room like that matter if the Dungeon Eater could go wherever it wants through the walls? Ehhh...

A ton of time passed with me debating over what to do, so ultimately I just decided to make whatever clear improvements I could think of.

First came the old puzzle area. I had never fixed it after Rin had destroyed it, not even during my renovations earlier. Mainly because so many people were in the dungeon that it was hard to be stealthy about it. Sheesh. But conveniently, there wasn’t anyone around right now. I could implement a gimmick that had occurred to me earlier.

That said, I wasn’t going to implement any obstacles. I would add a small room next to the corridor, then claim I had found a hidden path to it. But I couldn’t make it a big room since the [Flame Caverns] were so close. What purpose was there for the small room, then? Gathering DP.

Now, by gathering DP I didn’t mean killing people. The small room was a simple [Jail]. Inside were a bunch of small jails fashioned as bathrooms that one or two people could enter. People going inside of them would have their DP income boosted by six times, due to the effects of both being locked up and being in a jail room.

Naturally, I would need people to go into the jails, and naturally, nobody would hang out in a suspicious side room for no reason. Thus, I would pay them. I would return some of their DP in the form of money and items. Only a small portion of it, though. The remainder would come to us in the form of profit, albeit not a whole lot.

A person earning fifty DP a day (that is, 50/DP) would earn 300 DP a day inside the jail. I could then easily pay them one silver a day, which was worth 100 DP. That would probably attract some people, since it was the equivalent of earning ten thousand yen for doing nothing but sitting around all day. Actually... maybe I should lower it to fifty coppers, since they aren’t doing anything? Might be smart to give extra at the start to draw people in.

And so, I finished the fixes fast and brought Niku and Ichika to experiment. It was important to test it out ourselves first, mainly so we would have firsthand experience when reporting it to the guild and thereby avoid any unnecessary lies. Reporting it was necessary since nobody would use it if they didn’t know how. No need to have a repeat of the tragedy caused by the Magic Blade testing room just to spread the word. I sure put Uzou and Muzou through hell back then, and they even got me a Magic Blade afterwards. I’ll need to give them VIP treatment if they ever come here again.

...Wait. I just remembered that they said they’d come to Goren as soon as they finished up their next job, and that was a long time ago. Maybe they died...? Well, no point thinking about it. Adventurers disappearing into thin air isn’t anything new. If they’re alive I’ll just think of it as a winning gamble.

Anyway, back on topic. I doubted anyone would manage to get themselves locked inside the room, but using it was a bit more complicated than the Magic Blade trap and nobody would bother without an explanation of how it worked. Which was why I needed to provide an explanation myself. Luckily, everyone in town knew that I was Goren’s foremost [Cave of Greed] expert. They would definitely believe any report I made on the dungeon. Definitely, for sure. Maybe.

“Niku, break this wall to pieces for me.”

“Understood.”

I went ahead and destroyed a wall to make an entrance to the DP room. That way, I could explain away not finding it until now by saying I hadn’t thought there would be a room behind the wall. Surely no one would notice that I’d made the original room more narrow to compensate. Okay, maybe it’s a little obvious?

“Whoa, there’s totally a bunch of tiny rooms!” said Ichika, and indeed, a bunch of tiny rooms in the shape of bathroom stalls were lined up. Each were jails, and to protect privacy I used {Create Golem} boards to make solid doors and walls for each. Also, a red mark would appear on a door in use, but naturally they were all empty. They really were like toilet stalls. There’s some good design we have going here.

Incidentally, I had marked the area as a Safe Zone to encourage the idea that people could relax here.

“Alright, let’s try them out. Go into one of the stalls, Ichika. Niku and I will go into one ourselves.”

“Understood.”

“Roger dodger.”

Niku and I went into the stall next to the one that Ichika had gone into. This would be a good time to test if we could talk through the walls, and how sound-proofed the walls were at all.

Inside the room were two hourglass timers embedded in the wall opposite the door, plus a dispenser that looked like it had come straight off a vending machine. The door would lock when the timer was set, unlock when it reached zero, and for emergency situations there was a button that would unlock the door. What a forgiving establishment. Just press the button and the door would open on the spot. With that clearly marked, nobody would end up starving to death in one of these.

As for the dispenser, there was actually a corridor behind the rooms with money and items set at the ready. When the timer reached zero through natural means, something would drop down to the dispenser. There was no sensor that detected when a full day’s worth of DP had been drained. Thus, Rei and other dungeon employees would need to camp in the hallway and distribute the rewards themselves. That said, each timer would last for twelve hours, so they only had to check the rooms twice a day. Money would be the most common form of payment with only the occasional item, which meant Register Golems could take care of most of the work.

Honestly, we had way more money than we knew what to do with thanks to the Tsia mountain tunnel and running the inn. We were saving a lot of it in the Guild, but honestly, we just weren’t using it. We would convert it to DP if it wouldn’t be a such a huge loss. Might as well use it when we can.

My plan this time was to relax for twenty-four hours as a test. I took the hourglasses out of the wall, flipped them, and put them back. They were small, but thanks to Golem programming at the center each would last for twelve hours. And only one of them would drop a grain of sand at a time. Thus, the two of them together would keep going for twenty-four hours. If you wanted to extend the time you just had to flip a finished hourglass.

I had tried to make it as simple as possible since adventurers would probably get confused by anything too complex, but... well, we’ll see what Ichika has to say.

I spread out my futon in the stall. The stall was just big enough for a futon to fit inside. Naturally, I’d done that on purpose.

“Alright, time for bed.”

“R-Right.”

And so I got into bed with Niku as my dakimakura, just like always. I could grab some food from {Storage} if I ever got hungry, so I could sleep without any issues. Zzz...

＊ ＊ ＊

Crap, I forgot the actual toilets... this is a big flaw. Naturally, Niku’s suffering woke me up by the thirteen hour point. We managed to avoid interrupting the timer thanks to Rokuko withdrawing us, but a normal person would have had to endure for twenty-four hours with no bathroom. Maybe I should throw in a pot with a Jelly inside? It’d be like peeing inside a bottle, except a pot... Ah, crap. Jellies are monsters, I can’t put them in a Safe Zone. How am I gonna make a toilet like this? Should I just get rid of the Safe Zone...? That’d be better than not having toilets.

Anyway, we managed to pass the twenty-four hours with a toilet break thrown in. Five silvers plopped down into the dispenser beneath the hourglasses right as the door unlocked. Seemed like that was working right. Incidentally, those silvers were all thanks to Niku. My DP income was 0/DP, after all.

That was that. I was interested in what an adventurer had to say about the stalls. I asked Ichika her thoughts after she left her stall, jingling coins in her hands.

“Guuuh. Morning, Master.”

“Yep. Morning. So, what’d you think about the stall, teach?”

“Why teach...? Well, whatevs. The pay is pretty bad, I gotta say. I’d rather just go earn some cash myself than stay stuck in there.”

She had immediately shot them down. Now that she mentioned it, anyone strong enough to beat the labyrinth area could just hunt Iron Golems and make more money that way.

“The pay’s basically spare change, and being stuck in a small stall for that long is actually hella painful. Doing nothing all alone for twelve hours is just, oof. Twenty-four hours is even worse.”

“...You know you can just sleep through it, right?”

“You’re the only one who could sleep that long, dude. Twelve hours is just too long. And you gotta leave the Safe Zone up, otherwise nobody’s gonna sleep inside a dungeon.”

...Oh yeah. This place is basically like my home, but for everybody else it’s staying inside a dangerous dungeon where anything can happen for twelve hours. Nobody’s gonna sleep if not for the Safe Zone guarantee.

“The toilet’s an issue too, I’d guess. ’Cause I mean... Yeah?” I glanced at Niku and she was nodding hard.

“Now that’s small stuff. Just throw in a pot and let people use {Purification}.”

“Wait, that’s all I need to do? {Purification} sure is convenient.” Honestly, {Purification} is the real cheat skill. It can even replace toilets. Now that’s impressive.

“Though you’re gonna want ones with lids ’cause eventually the smell is gonna stick in a bad way.”

“Right, thanks for the info. Anything else?”

Ichika put a finger on her chin and fell into thought.

“So like, the pay’s pretty bad, for sure. But it’d be worth it if there was some chance of getting a real bangin’ reward. Why not do that, uhhh, thing you did with Uzou and Muzou?”

“Oh? Use Golem Blades as bait, you mean?”

“Right, right. Just be like, ‘You can get a Magic Blade just by sitting around! Maybe!’ People’ll be all over it then. ’Specially since you can trade Magic Blades for gold, yeah?”

Oh yeah, even Wataru was going after Magic Blades to sell for money. Funny, since they’re basically free to make. {Create Golem} truly is an ungodly powerful spell.

“Heh, Ichika. Looks like you’ve got some evil in your heart too, huh?”

“Not as much as you, Master.”

Ichika and I cackled together wickedly. Too many Magic Blades would lower their market value, but they were in high enough demand that dispensing a few free ones here wouldn’t be a problem. Not to mention that Golem Blades were perishable goods, just like normal swords. They would regenerate a little bit if you poured mana into the magic stone that served as their core, but they would eventually break. You would want two or three of them if possible. That was actually fairly standard for Magic Blades, so it wasn’t a problem specific to Golem Blades.

“Oh, but the walls are thin and I could kinda hear everything? Like, uh, Niku’s groaning and stuff.”

“Aaah...”

Niku averted her eyes, embarrassed. My bad. There’ll be a toilet for you next time.

And so, I reported the room to the Guild. The door would lock when the hourglasses were flipped, but pressing the button would unlock the door immediately. You would get silvers if you waited until the hourglasses ran out. One hourglass was twelve hours, whereas two were twenty-four hours. In total I was paid ten silvers for the information.

The next day, the guild put up an investigation quest and a bunch of adventurers went to check out the DP room with forms of entertainment in hand, taking turns staying inside. Their several days of investigation led to everyone safely understanding that if you waited half a day or a full day inside, you would get items and gold in return. There was even a lucky guy who got a Magic Blade. Of course, we gave him one on purpose, but he immediately bought food and went for a second try. What’d he get the second time? Twenty coppers.

With all that done, the room became known as the Inn of Greed. Apparently, a lot of people went inside just to sleep off most of the twelve hours. Thanks to the possibility of getting a Magic Blade without any significant risks, it ultimately became a place where a reasonable number of people stayed and earned us a reasonable amount of extra DP.

＊ ＊ ＊

So, let’s put aside the dungeon for a second and talk about the town.

Some townsfolk said they had something serious to discuss with the town chief, and so I ended up meeting them in the chief residence’s parlor. I had no idea what they wanted to discuss with a town chief that never did anything, but alright.

The townsfolk were actually Hubb, an adventurer living in town, and Waife, a woman who worked as a traveling merchant. Apparently, they were childhood friends from a town that had been wiped off the map, and by coincidence found each other again here in Goren.

“So basically, we decided to get married and came here right away.”

Oh, right, I remember hearing something about town chiefs getting the final say on marriages and stuff. “Hey, congratulations. Feel free to get married and do whatever else you want.”

“Th-Thank you!” They clasped their hands in excitement.

Nice to see a happy couple... Wait. Actually, does this country have a census or anything? Do I need to keep track of family registers or something? Crap, I went ahead and gave them permission, but Wozma’s the one actually taking care of all this work... and I don’t really feel like going out of my way to tell him about this...

“...Uhhh, Waife, was it? You said you were a traveling merchant, but are you gonna settle down in Goren after getting married? Or are you gonna keep traveling?”

“Erm... Are you trying to say I can’t move here?”

“Huh? No, no. I’m just saying I won’t stop you if you want to keep working. You must be pretty good at math if you’re a merchant. Would be a shame for you not to use your talents. Of course, if you want to dedicate yourself to your family as a wife, that’s fine, but I think you might stand to gain a lot from working at Dyne’s.”

“A-As a wife... Um, well, a-are you saying you’ll introduce me to the Dyne Company?”

“Yeah? If you want me to, that is.” Ichika was working at Dyne’s store all the time, so yeah, they seemed pretty busy. No doubt they could use some extra help. A big store with lots of workers wouldn’t have taken up shop in a tiny town like this. I might as well pay back the favor by sending some help their way.

“I would absolutely appreciate the introduction!”

“Sure. I dunno what kind of job they’ll give you, but I’ll put in a good word for you.” I also didn’t know how good of a worker she was, but Dyne was a good guy. He’d take care of her.

“By the way, we’re both Beddhists.”

“Yeah?”

“We were thinking we’d like to have a Beddhist wedding ceremony, if something like that exists.”

...Oh yeah. Churches do that kinda thing too. Coming of age ceremonies, weddings, burials, ancestral celebrations. From birth to death and beyond, churches intricately involved themselves in the daily lives of people to consolidate their power, increase their influence, and... Uh, moving on.

“Alright, you want a wedding ceremony... Uhhh, huh.” I hadn’t expected that at all. A wedding ceremony, huh? Uhhh-huh.

I envisioned the kind of Japanese wedding ceremony I was familiar with. A church? A traditional Shinto shrine? The ancient practice of San San Kudo? Guess I’ll have to spend some time thinking this through. Would probably be better just to have them give up on it.

“Ehhh. Sorry, but Beddhism doesn’t ha—”

“I heard everything!” Rokuko burst into the parlor with a kick hard enough to nearly rip the door off its hinges. She was eavesdropping, huh?

“U-Um, wh-who are you?” asked Waife timidly.

“Waife, that’s the owner of the inn. She’s also the town chief’s wife.”

“O-Oh, I see! Forgive my rudeness, Mrs. Town Chief!” Waife bowed her head after Hubb murmured into her ear. Mrs. Town Chief, huh? You’re looking pretty happy about that, Rokuko.

“Eheh, good guy. That’s right, I’m Keima’s—”

“Actually, we’re not married.” We’re partners. Just partners.

“Wha...? Really?” Hubb blinked.

“Don’t play dumb, Keima. You were all about calling me your woman and falling head over heels for me. I’ve got the proof inside of me.” Rokuko puffed out her chest confidently. That proof is the video you took of the Dungeon Eater incident with your menu, right? That’s some manipulative framing, Rokuko. Who taught you to do that? Ichika?

“I see... You’re just not married yet.”

“...Let’s drop that subject. What’d you barge in here for, Rokuko?” When backed into a corner, change the topic. I ignored Hubb’s comment and threw the ball into Rokuko’s court.

“Oh, right. I was walking by and just happened to overhear the problem. You want to have a wedding ceremony, right?” Rokuko shot Hubb and Waife a smile.

“Uh, Rokuko? Eavesdropping is a pretty nosy thing to do.”

“Who cares? These two need my help. But umm, what were your names again?”

“H-Hubb.”

“I’m Waife.”

The two introduced themselves to Rokuko.

“Okay, perfect. Hubb and Waife, don’t worry! I’ll make sure you two have a perfect wedding!” declared Rokuko with a smile.

“U-Uh, Rokuko. Shouldn’t we talk about this fi—”

“The first wedding of the town... this deserves a whole gold coin of funding! If you don’t have enough, I’ll throw in some funding of my own!”

“Rokuko?! I don’t think this is a good ide—”

“Thank you very much!”

Rokuko and the couple blew past all my protests and formed an agreement. Come on. Listen to me. I’m the friggin town chief, y’know? At least talk to the town chief with the actual power before setting something like this up.

Rokuko held a meeting to discuss the wedding ceremony. It was being held at the church at night. Rokuko, me, and the dungeon administrators were participating. A Succubus without anything better to do was covering the inn’s front desk for us. We can only hold meetings like this at night thanks to running the cafeteria. Sheesh, and we Beddhists are supposed to be asleep at night. Aaand morning, and noon, if possible. Anyway, time to tell everyone why they’re here.

“At Rokuko’s request, we’re holding a wedding ceremony.”

“Whoa! Finally decided to tie the knot, huh, Master?! High five!” clapped Ichika with a whistle.

“Congratulations,” said Niku.

“Master, Rokuko, I wish you a happy marriage,” said Rei.

“I will begin preparing a feast at once,” said Kinue.

“Wooow! It’s finally happeniiing!” said Neruneh.

“Congratulations, your Holiness! I believe it would be best if you expressed your love in a large-scale, sweaty, passionate display of—”

“Stop, stop, stop!” I hurriedly interrupted their celebration. Especially Suilla’s. “Sorry, I should have been more clear. This isn’t a wedding for Rokuko and I.”

“Dude. I’m out. Later, everybody.”

“That’s too bad.”

“See you tomorrow, everyone!”

“I’m glad I didn’t start cooking yet.”

“Awwww. Daaarn.”

“I wonder what my massage schedule for tomorrow looks like.”

“Stop right there, everyone!” Rokuko snapped as everyone started walking off, all of their motivation completely gone. “This is going to be like a practice ceremony for my wedding with Keima! Okay? Understand? Are we on the same page now?”

“Say that a little faster, Rokuko! Get HYPE!”

“I’ll do what I can.”

“I will ensure the wedding goes off without a hitch!”

“Shall I bake a cake? One with several layers, at that?”

“Hypeeee!”

“I’ll certainly be looking forward to the ceremony.”

Seriously? What’s with these jokers? I looked at Rokuko, having already drawn my conclusions from their painfully obvious acting.

“C’mon, Rokuko. I know you planned this.”

“Wh-What ever could you mean?”

“...Well, whatever. Anyway, we’re holding a wedding at Rokuko’s request.” I repeated my opening line. There were no jokes this time. “Not really sure what weddings are like here, so uh, take it away, Ichika.”

“Roger! Feels like it’s a been a long time you’ve had to ask me about something like this. I’m gonna go all out, heck yeah!” Ichika coughed to clear her throat. “Town weddings are like, you report it to the town chief, then gather all your friends and go wild.”

“Alright, so it’s an excuse to go out drinking.”

“Yup. There’s not actually any standards for what to do or anything. At most a town might have some traditions for the drinking party. Like the man carrying the girl around, or them eating half of each other’s food, stuff like that. Nobody really knows how this all started. It’s just them trying to show off how close they are, really.”

Makes sense. “So, we basically can just do whatever. Alright.”

“Hold it, Keima,” interjected Rokuko. “They asked for a Beddhist wedding this time. In other words, they want a religious ceremony. Maybe you should ask what they do over in the Ivory Church.”

Ichika nodded at Rokuko’s suggestion. “Yuppers. I figured you were gonna ask about that, so I did some research. This is more for city weddings, but they report to the church and do the ceremony inside of it. In Tsia, or I mean in the Empire, most people are gonna be in the Ivory Church. I dunno what the God of Light worshipers do in the Church of Light.”

“Huh. So city people do stuff in churches.”

“Not like they can all meet the Archduke and get permission individually, y’know?”

I mean, here in Goren the Archduke pops up all the time, so that wouldn’t be too much of a big deal. Guess he’d get annoyed if people started doing that for real though. There’s all the paperwork for the family register and... Wait. I never asked if there’s family registers here. Maybe there aren’t. “Alright, so what kinda wedding ceremonies do the Ivory Church hold?”

“Well, I dunno the exact details, but it kind of goes like...”

And so Ichika taught us all about Ivory Church wedding ceremonies, but uh... since Haku’s passing herself off as the God of Adventurers and goes out of her way to get Heroes in her Empire, the Ivory Church’s wedding is basically the same thing as a Christian wedding. Apparently in Wakoku they do more Japanese-style weddings. Just what I’d expect from a country made by a Japanese-loving Hero.

“A-A wedding kiss...! W-W-Wow, that’s wild. And they do it in front of everyone?!”

“Is it that surprising, Rokuko?” asked Rei.

“W-Won’t that make babies?!”

Seriously, how many times have I told you that kisses don’t ma— Actually, have I told her that? I guess not, since I don’t want her to ask me how babies are actually made.

“Seems like it all started with this thing called the love swap, where they, like, drank potions and pressed their mouths together to let their partner drink their potion, but an old Hero suggested that they just kiss instead, and so here we are.”

That’s pretty high level compared to just swapping water or something.

“Not surprised that they wear wedding dresses too. Who wouldn’t want to dress up and look nice on their wedding day? But there’s no giving rings, the husband just gives his wife a short sword.”

“Yup, so they can protect their chastity when shit gets real. Dunno if you can really call suicide protecting anything, but hey.”

“Holy crap! That’s dark! I-I mean, is that normal?” Apparently, a sharper blade showed that your love was stronger. Since it would hurt less when they killed themselves. Yeah, this is dark as hell.

“Normal for nobles, at least. Pretty sure commoners just use it for self-defense. Stab the bitch and all that.”

“Now that I can get behind.” I would definitely want Rokuko having something to defend herself with. ’Cause Dungeon Masters die when their Dungeon Core dies, and I’m Rokuko’s Dungeon Master.

But that was enough about the Ivory Church for now.

“What does the Church of Light do again?”

“They’re more about making vows to their god. They wear fancy armor, make oaths about what they’ll do to destroy dungeons, and then as a couple smash a white vase-thing made to look like a Dungeon Core.” For example, merchants would make vows like “I will support adventurers by...” or “By supporting my husband, I will...” and so on to show how they as a team will contribute to the war effort against dungeons. Them working as a team probably meant that Heroes (or in the Church of Light’s case, the Soldiers of God who are actively working to destroy dungeons) had influenced the ceremony as well. Yeah, I’m gonna ignore that ceremony too.

“Lessee, what else. Couples who worship the Blacksmith God forge a sword together, couples who worship the Food God bake a cake together and eat it, and yeah. Most ceremonies are just all about the couple deepening their bond and stuff. The Dice God, uhhhh, I think they trade wallets with each other? Like, if they both have the same amount of money, there’s a good chance of them falling in love.”

“...Wait, they’re still gambling on whether they’ll fall in love at the wedding itself?”

“Hey, that’s the Dice God for you. What else would the God of Gambling do? But really, they can just spill the beans to each other beforehand. Cheating’s fair game, if you know what I mean.”

Each religion had its own customs, but most ceremonies did involve the couple showing off how close they were to each other. The Food God was the former hero Ishidaka, so her ceremony was basically just the Ivory Church’s but with a food twist. Guess I should do something similar here.

“Anyone else know of any wedding ceremonies from other churches?”

“Yes! For a Chaos God ceremony, th—”

“Lemme stop you right there, Suilla. I don’t need to know about the Chaos God.” The Chaos God was just Leona. Nothing good would come from anything to do with her.

“Um,” began Niku. “Mai told me that the War God’s ceremony is performing blade dances.”

“Oh, this the first time I’m hearing of the War God. But blade dances, huh...? Guess that’s just singing and dancing, but with swords.” I guess Niku and Maiodore are talking about weddings, then. I’m glad Niku finally has a girlfriend her age.

“Wataru said that in Mountain God and Sea God ceremonies you offer up wiiiine.”

“...You know he’s a big deal Hero, right?”

“Wataru the Hero saiiiid.”

Neruneh and Wataru are talking about wedding ceremonies too, huh...? It must have been about the wine. Yeah, the wine. I feel like with Beddhism there’d be a problem with who drinks the wine. I sure won’t drink it. Maybe I can just pass it all over to the Ivory Church.

“...Wait. Is there no church for the Dark God?”

“Huh? Dude, now that you mention it, I dunno. I’ve never heard of any Dark Church. The Dark God himself is totally famous though.”

Really? Huh. Strange, considering the Light God’s Church of Light is such a large-scale operation. Though I guess it’s not really a big deal since the Ivory Church is basically serving the Dark God.

Anyway, I had heard all about the wedding ceremonies of different churches. It was finally time to devise a Beddhist wedding ceremony. I asked for opinions and Suilla immediately raised her hand.

“Yes, yes! Please add Succubus traditions to the wedding ceremony! It all begins with everyone taking off their clothes.”

“No. What’s even the point of everyone taking off their clothes?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m sure you know what would come next. Ohoho.”

“No details, please.” Wait, do Succubi even have men? Do they marry Incubi or something?

“Oh, we Succubi just do it with each other. Our tails are surprisingly convenient for this kind of thing. We can just—”

“No details, please.” Calling on Suilla was probably a mistake. Though to be fair, she was basically in charge of the church as head nun.

“...By the way, dude, in some cultures the town chief has to pop the bride’s cherry if you catch my drift. You gonna get in on that?”

“Absolutely not.” Not you too, Ichika... “Anyway, I think we’re gonna base our ceremony off the Ivory Church’s too.” The Beddhist Church was structurally similar to Ishidaka the Hero’s Food Church in origin. Should be safe to just copy what they did, more or less. I can get behind a couple feeding each other the first bite of the wedding cake. “But I kinda feel that giving a short sword is a bit too violent for Beddhism, so uh, I’m gonna change that. How does trading rings sound?”

“Trading rings, hm?” said Rokuko. “That’s what you do in your original world. Wataru told me about it, and honestly, I think it sounds pretty good. What could be better than couples giving each other rings?”

“.........” The ruby-set orichalcum ring on Rokuko’s left hand gleamed in the light. Incidentally, I had the Succubus ring on my left hand. Okay, don’t take this the wrong way. I use the ring finger on my non-dominant hand the least, so that’s the best place to put a ring. This Succubus ring has a magic stone stuck in it, so it’s pretty bulky, alright?

“Rokuko, girl, I hate to say it, but rings prolly aren’t gonna work. A ton of Beddhists are adventurers and we hella don’t wear rings. They’d totally mess with our hands and stuff. I’d say we should just stick with trading holy symbol necklaces.”

Fantastic work, Ichika! “Yeah! Man, trading holy symbols would be perfect! Nothing more Beddhist than a Beddhist holy symbol!”

“If a Beddhist theme is a concern, might I suggest trading pillows?”

Oh, Rei’s got some good ideas too. Yeah, pillows. Not bad.

“...Maybe they could sleep with the same dakimakura.”

Interesting. Exactly the kind of observation that only Niku the dakimakura would make. It fits both the couple doing something together and sharing the same object.

“Niku,” said Kinue, “Are you just saying that because you would like Master and Rokuko to sleep with you at the same time? I imagine that would be splendid, but now is not the time to be self-centered.”

“...You’re sharp, Kinue,” replied Niku with a kinda pouty tone.

“Oh, oh, I know! How about the husband gives the wife a lot of melon rolls!” Rokuko shot her hand up, but that was even more self-centered than what Niku wanted. “A whole room of melon rolls... and they can eat as many as they like. Perfect, right?”

“Dude, swap melons for curry and you’ve got my vote.”

“I want hamburgers instead.”

Ichika and Niku replied instantly. They were my unchanging rocks in these troubled times.

“I-In that case, I want to drink a whole bathtub of blood. The blood of the one I love...!”

Rei, giving that much blood would kill them. Do you want your wedding to be a bloody tragedy?

“...Would I like a clean room, or a filthy room... I suppose a filthy one, so that I could clean it.”

“I want lots of magic booooks, and also scroooolls.”

Kinue and Neruneh aren’t even talking about food anymore. I mean, not that blood is food.

“If I may suggest...”

“No, Suilla! Please hold it in, I’m begging you.”

“...The wooden dolls.”

Okay, that’s safe! She had to cut out what she wants to do with the dolls, but we make them here so they’re totally fine as gifts. But uh, looks like everyone’s just talking about what they want as gifts. I dunno about this.

“By the way, what do you want, Keima?” asked Rokuko.

“...Aren’t I the one giving the stuff?”

“Then let’s make it the couple giving each other gifts. Spit it out, bub.”

Well, I guess it was only a matter of time. Better think up something...

“A futon, then. Something that’ll help me sleep better.”

“Okay. I’ll let you use me as a dakimakura from now on, then.”

“Uh, what? That sure is a giant leap of logic.”

“Okaaay, let’s iron out the rest of the details.”

“Wait, we’re just going to roll with the couple giving each other gifts?”

“...Why not?”

And so, we spent the rest of the night discussing the Beddhist wedding ceremony. I say ‘we,’ but I actually left and went to bed halfway through. ’Cause I mean, the girls (everyone but me) were getting so excited I didn’t have the chance to say anything myself. And hey, far be it from me to miss an opportunity to sleep.

The thing is, though...

“You left midway through and said I could take care of the rest. Don’t even think about complaining about what we decided on.”

“Ah. Right.”

...I kinda sacrificed my right to have any say on what the ceremony was.

“So, these are the different kinds of wedding ceremonies that Beddhism offers. Take a look and pick the one you like.” After summoning Hubb and Waife, I showed them a pamphlet containing all the different options.

By the way, I had summoned them to the church. Suilla was with me to give them various bits of advice.

“There certainly are a lot of kinds. And they’re customizable, too,” observed Waife.

“Yes,” replied Suilla. “Beddhism prides itself on being accommodating. By the way, I suggest the full nudity course.”

Waife looked inside the pamphlet and her eyes widened in surprise. “W-Wait, are you sure about this? A night in the hotel’s grand suite and an A-Rank dinner would cost thirty golds on their own. Is a single gold really enough for both of them...?” She looked at me with worry.

“...This time’s special. Rokuko, the owner of the inn, is pretty excited about your wedding.” On paper Rokuko was paying to cover the rest of the cost, but well, them staying in the grand suite didn’t actually cost us anything. If it did cost anything, it wasn’t much.

“By the way, if you have any requests, say so. We can add some options. We just want you to go big and have a good time.”

“...Your wife kinda has you by the balls, huh?” Hubb looked at me with sympathy. Hey, I told you, we’re not married.

“By the way, holy symbols and rings aren’t included in the one gold price. You’ll have to prepare those on your own.” That at least I made sure to stay firm on. There’s no limit to how expensive they could get otherwise. I wouldn’t want people asking me for orichalcum rings or holy symbols. It wouldn’t be impossible to make them, but I would be losing money. A lot of it.

“I see... Oh, exchanging holy symbols is part of the base plan, but exchanging rings is optional.”

“You don’t have to do either if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, but I do! I would love a marriage as wonderful as your and Rokuko’s!”

“...Again, I’m not married to Rokuko.”

“What?” Both Hubb and Waife tilted their heads. Nice teamwork there. You two should get married. Oh, you are. Congratu-fucking-lations.

“Well, whatever. Have a look at the ring catalog. Suilla, show them.”

“As you wish, your holiness. Hubb, here is the ring catalog.”

“Oh! Th-Thank you.” The catalog Suilla handed him had detailed drawings of the rings, each of which had very elaborate designs. Who had thought up those designs? Well, Rokuko and the others just drew whatever they thought looked cool. They’d made a lot of progress since they had bought a Japanese ring pamphlet from the DP catalog, apparently. Why did they go out of their way to make a different catalog just for rings, which were completely optional? I wanted to interrogate them, but well, I obviously wouldn’t. It didn’t matter that much.

“Wow, I’ve never seen any of these designs before!” exclaimed Waife. “These would all sell so well... but maybe we shouldn’t wear something so expensive on us all the time. At the very least, a subtle iron ring that wouldn’t stand out should be best.”

“...Really? This is a once in a lifetime celebration, you know?”

“Someone might rip our fingers off if we carry around expensive rings on them. I don’t want thieves after us, so something cheap is ideal. A more subtle design would help with that.” Waife was just as practical as I would expect from an experienced traveling merchant. But uh, that’s some real pessimism. I’d like to think my town isn’t that dangerous.

“Goren is a safe place overall, but there’s also a lot of outside visitors. It’s far better to be safe than sorry when strangers are involved.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that...”

And so, they decided on some pretty plain rings. For the holy symbols they decided on silver ones with designs carved on the insides, with the special bonus that I, the pope, would carve it out myself. It seemed that silver holy symbols were pretty common and not too dangerous to carry around.

“To think that we’ll get our own holy symbols carved by the pope himself.”

“I know, right? It will be my pride and joy as a Beddhist.”

“Same. I honestly feel a little worried about wasting your time, town chief.”

Heeey, don’t worry about it, I’m just losing a little sleeping time... or I would be if I didn’t use {Create Golem} to knock them out in less than a minute instead of spending hours carving them. It won’t take too long.

Anyway, let’s get this over with so I can get back to sleeping.

“Let’s see, what’s left... The most time-consuming thing will probably be the wedding dress. It’ll take at least a week to finish it up, so yeah, come back in a week or so.”

“Wha?”

“U-Um, can you actually finish the dress in a week? You’re talking about... this one, with the frills and such? I think that would take much longer than a week to finish.” Now that she mentioned it, the design certainly was frilly and cloth heavy. Finishing it in a week after the initial measuring would be too fast, I guess...? But, well...

“...Don’t worry. Kinue said she could finish it.”

“Kinue, as in the head chef at the cafeteria?”

Cleaning, laundry, cooking, sewing. Kinue was a master of all things housework. To be honest, it was hard not to think of her as a superhuman. Or rather, a supersilky. It would be fair to say that she was getting the most done out of all the monster girl administrators.

“So yeah, Waife, pick the two designs you like most out of these and bring them to Kinue.”

“Two of them?”

“Well, it’s actually customary to change dresses midway through the ceremony. You’ll need a second one,” explained Suilla, leading Waife to check the pamphlet again. It seemed she didn’t know about how changing dresses was customary.

“By the way, I recommend this design. What do you think?”

“Fwaah?! Th-This is... Wow... Hubb, what do you think about this dress?”

“Woah! I mean, I think all of them would look good on you, but... this one’s a tad too revealing. I’d like anything but that one. I don’t... I don’t want anyone else to see you in it.”

“R-Really? That settles that, then.”

They had been looking at a simple dress Suilla designed herself that left one’s shoulders and belly button exposed. Can’t really blame them for getting thrown off by it.

Anyway, with all the customizable stuff settled, it was time to prepare. It would be mostly just townsfolk attending. Wouldn’t be too hard to plan around that.

Kinue worked on the wedding dresses while we prepared the wedding. Things were going well, since the Silky trio and even Waife herself were helping. I myself was busy with carving the designs into the holy symbol. They were already done, but trust me. I was busy.

“By the way, why aren’t you helping with the wedding dress, Suilla? You must be pretty good at sewing if you can modify the nun outfits like that.” One day after mass that question struck, so I asked it. Really, she had modified the nun outfits so much they were pretty much unrecognizable from what I had originally given to her. Traces of the original design were still there, but seriously, she had changed them so slowly that I hadn’t even noticed.

“Oh, no, the clothes just changed on their own as our Succubus power soaked into them.”

“...Wait, that’s a thing?”

“Yes. All our clothes end up like this if we continue to wear them for a long time.” I thought she was joking, but Suilla looked dead serious.

“Uh. Like, seriously? No joke?”

“Yes, seriously. Do you think I would lie to you about this, your holiness?”

I guess clothes get sexier when Succubus power seeps into them. Man, Succubi are scary... I guess that’s why my clothes always become skimpier when I let Kosaki possess me.

“It is for this reason that if we attempt to help, the dress will end up being revealing no matter what we do. We cannot help even though we would like to. A true shame.”

I guess I’ll need to give them a regular supply of new nun outfits. I don’t want everyone visiting the church for the first time to mistake it for a themed brothel. Might be worth looking into that.

“To think that Succubi had a curse that powerful...”

“A curse? I consider it a wonderful blessing, that turns all our clothes into their ideal form just by wearing them. I certainly love how stimulating this design is... By wearing these nun outfits, we express our Succubus nature, and... well. They feel extremely nice to wear, to say the least.” Suilla casually lifted the slip of her nun outfit covering her crotch, which had started to droop a bit while she talked.

“At least wear some underwear.”

“I am, you just can’t see them. Please, take a closer look.”

“The fact I can’t see them even though you’re basically shoving your exposed crotch in my face should say enough. Put on some underwear that I can actually tell exists.”

“I will see what I can do.”

Did Leona teach you how to say no without actually saying no, Japanese-style? Come on. I’m begging you, put on underwear. That said, I actually knew how to get Succubi to do what I wanted. Spending so much time with them over the past months had led to me understand how they think very well. First, give a cough. Then, say the magic words.

“Wearing underwear is sexier than no underwear, if you ask me.”

“.........” Her ears perked up a bit.

“Why are nun outfits sexy? Because they hide so much. It’s safe to say that we humans are creatures that take pleasure in exposing hidden things.”

“I see the logic. Please continue.”

Alright, I’ve got her attention. “A person that’s naked all the time might as well be an animal. They’re not that sexy. Why? Because they’re not hiding anything. We humans feel that something is erotic when the human logic and reason is used to hide our animal instincts. In short. The peak of eroticism is seeing a peek of sexuality.”

“A peek...!”

“A panty shot is something usually hidden being briefly shown. And not intentionally shown off, either. The fact they want to hide it and keep it hidden is why a peek of the panties is so arousing. The important thing is spending each day hiding it to build up to the money shot. Which means...”

“Which means wearing underwear is more stimulating than not...!”

I grinned at Suilla’s conclusion, and she replied with a smile of her own. In order to get Succubi to do what you wanted, you had to convince them that your way was sexier.

“Yep, that’s how it is. I’ll make sure you all get some underwear to put on. I trust you’ll know what to do.”

“Yes. I understand everything, your holiness. I would expect nothing less from a scholar of your magnitude.”

And so, in the midst of preparing for the wedding, I succeeded in getting the Succubi to actually wear underwear. I started seeing the strings from thongs dangling out from the side of their revealing nun outfits, but well, I did what I could.

# Beddhist Church’s Perspective

“I will now begin the ceremony.” With Rei the High Priestess’s declaration, the wedding ceremony began. Due in part to it being the town’s first wedding ceremony, every citizen of Goren was present. The pews within the church were filled first with the friends Hubb and Waife invited, then with whoever could grab one in time. Everyone else was standing and watching from the outside.

A red carpet was spread from the entrance to the altar, with the seats positioned on either side of it. The carpet resembled the Ivory Church’s Bloody Road, a symbol for how many monsters the husband had slain for the sake of she who would be his wife, but in Beddhism we called it the Culmination Road, to symbolize that it was the culmination of all their efforts up to this point. Each wedding was built on the back of blood, sweat, and tears.

The ceremony itself began with the groom walking up the Culmination Road to the altar. The bride would then follow after him and be welcomed there, where they would say their vows.

“Now then, the groom has arrived. Silence, please,” declared Rei, the High Priestess of Beddhism, as she stood before the altar. A heavy silence immediately fell over the once chatter-filled church.

Rei lifted her hand high, and the Silkies by the door began playing their instruments. Two stringed instruments of varying sizes accompanied a flute providing the melody. The song, one of many Beddhist hymns, was relaxed and repeated its melody several times.

Then, the doors to the church opened. There stood Hubb in brilliant white clothing, his face taut with anxiety. With its decorative strings and gold buttons his outfit looked fit for a noble. Normally Hubb would say the clothes were wearing him more than he was wearing them, but today of all days he seemed a perfect match for them. Perhaps that was thanks to his pride as a groom.

Hubb walked slowly but firmly to the altar while those on either side of the carpet watched. He was looking forward, where vividly colored light was streaming through stained glass windows. Beddhism had no gods, but there was something about the light that made it seem divine.

He heard voices behind the shut doors as he walked, which then faded. For a moment he questioned who had been speaking, but he soon had his answer.

“Now entering the bride. Please welcome her quietly.”

The doors to the church opened again, and there stood a woman resembling a fairy princess with her face hidden behind a thin veil—it was his bride, Waife, wrapped in a light green dress.

“...Ah!” Hubb reflexively swallowed hard. Waife’s beauty was so much that even some onlookers gasped. For a second nobody could believe this was the same Waife who traveled the world doing trade. Her light green dress had tiny, shining gemstones sewn into it, looking so expensive that it alone could be worth a fortune. Behind the veil, her calm expression was visible.

“Yeah... She’s gonna have him by the balls.”

“Yup...”

The crowd couldn’t help but predict what kind of future awaited the two of them. Hubb was frozen in fear, whereas Waife was completely relaxed. Everyone could tell that Hubb’s strength of will wouldn’t be able to beat out Waife’s in the coming years. Though in reality she was deathly nervous about wearing a dress that seemed more expensive than her life savings, and the veil was just hiding how anxious she was.

By the way, normally the bride’s father would escort her to the altar, but Waife had no way of contacting her father since their original home village had been lost. As a result, she was being escorted by a particularly well-dressed Dyne, her current employer.

Waife advanced to the altar, with a child nun holding up her skirt from behind so it didn’t drag. She was beautiful enough to be considered a quintessential bride. Once she reached where Hubb was, Dyne’s job was done. He left the rest of the escorting to Hubb and sat in the front row, where he would watch over the rest of the proceedings.

“J-Just follow me.”

“R-Right, okay.”

They conversed in quiet tones, with Waife wrapping an arm around Hubb’s elbow. They both had an air of awkward innocence that made it seem like this was their first date, and those watching in the crowd knew they were made for each other.

“Y-You look great, Waife.”

“...And you look so manly, Hubb. It’s like I’m getting to see the real you for the first time.”

“Ahem,” coughed Rei, interrupting their flirting. “May I begin?” The two of them nodded, cheeks red with embarrassment, and Rei nodded herself with a gentle smile. The music stopped.

In most other religions, a pastor or priest would do the honors, but Beddhism had no gods. It was thus decided that it would be best for the High Priestess to carry out the wedding. As a note, the pope elected to have no involvement with the proceedings whatsoever.

“Let us all offer up a song in prayer.” Next came chanting a hymn. It was the same song that the Silkies had been playing before, and now everyone present added to the melody. The hymn was titled Sleep Peacefully, and it resembled a lullaby... or rather, it was an actual lullaby that Beddhism was in the process of spreading throughout the world.

Each seat had a card with the lyrics written on it, so nobody had to panic. Everyone participated in the chanting with calm and peaceful voices. A few present had, uh, less than stellar pitch, but nothing that one couldn’t overlook.

Once the hymn was safely finished, Rei the High Priestess opened up the Beddhist bible that was placed upon the altar. “Let us discuss the meaning of love.” As was fit for a wedding, Rei discussed how love was portrayed in the bible. “Love is, ultimately, compassion for your partner. It is a splendid emotion. However, not all forms of love are ideal. Sometimes love can take ill forms. There are the Yan-Deres, and perhaps the Stal-Kers, who have no compassion in their so-called love, and thus only hurt others in the end.” The sad tales of love that Yan-Deres and Stal-Kers brought about had been discussed in prior masses, so the couple as devout followers of Beddhism were very familiar with them.

“Love is splendid. And due to how splendid it is, there are many cases of lovers being so blinded by it they lose sight of their surroundings. Love-Triangle, Casas, Konya, Kuhaki...” These names were listed in Beddhism as those who had destroyed themselves after drowning in love. Love-Triangle and Casas in particular had even brought down all those around them as well.

“We must be thankful for the failures of our forebears, and we must not repeat their mistakes. Always be compassionate for the one you love, do not lose sight of your surroundings, and if you find yourself being consumed, find the opportunity to take a break. If you hold these lessons true, you shall find love to be a splendid thing without any fault.” There, Rei smiled a bright smile full of compassion. “In Beddhism, we call compassionate love that embraces one as a futon might by the name Comfylove.” Comfylove. What a splendid and beautiful word. It was such a powerful word that the pope, sitting in the first row, had to hide his face for all the emotion he was showing.

“Compassion with a warm, enveloping embrace. Love brings about peace. Love is the source of power. The love of a parent protecting their children. The love of a guardian protecting the peace. The love of friends sharing their joy and laughing together. The love of a couple seeking each other. And finally, the love of two who have been married, who spend their lives together through the highs and lows in life. It allows for peaceful sleep where both are compassionate for each other. Heartwarming love is thus called Comfylove. And thus is how love should be. Hubb, Waife. Please hold firm the idea of Comfylove within your hearts. As long as you have Comfylove, the Beddhist church will always be there for you. May your love be blessed. Oyasuminasai.”

“...Oyasuminasai,” repeated the crowd. It was the holy word of Beddhist prayer. Rei the High Priestess chanted it, and so too did those watching in prayer.

“Now, if the bride and groom would say their vows.”

Rei shifted to the side behind the altar, such that she was standing directly in front of Hubb. “Do you, Hubb, take Waife as your legally wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, in sleep and in waking, until death do you part? Do you swear to strive to have pleasant sleep with her, spending your life with her, to speak honestly when things become too much and to fight for her sake when necessary?”

“I-I swear it,” answered Hubb despite his anxiety, and with a nod Rei moved to stand in front of Waife.

“Do you, Waife, take Hubb as your legally wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, in sleep and in waking, until death do you part? Do you swear to strive to have pleasant sleep with him, spending your life with him, to speak honestly when things become too much and to fight for his sake when necessary?”

“...Yes, I swear it.” Waife also made the vow. Rei the High Priestess nodded and returned to the center of the altar.

The vow was an oath that they would both be compassionate to one another. As was normal for the hands-free Beddhist Church, it focused more on a state of mind than any physical practices to uphold. The Ivory Church and the Church of Light demanded that the couple vow to work hard together. But the Beddhist Church knew that human hearts tended to wander. The secret to long-lasting marriages was not to push oneself, but to relax and keep things reasonable. Thus, the focus on compassion.

“Now then, please exchange your rings and holy symbols.” A nun appeared from the side, holding a small box. Inside were rings and holy symbols for Hubb and Waife.

They put the rings on each other’s left hands, the finger next to the pinky. That had become tradition after a Hero introduced the concept of a ring finger, but for Beddhism it was also honoring where the pope and his partner wore their rings. They mimicked their traditions so that they too could become a wonderful couple. The exchange of engraved holy symbols was to symbolize their partnership as two with the same hopes and dreams.

“...Now, the kiss.”

There, Hubb and Waife faced each other once again. Hubb lifted the veil covering Waife’s face. That apparently symbolized that there were no longer any walls separating them.

“Waife...”

“Hubb...”

They looked into each other’s eyes. And then, they kissed.

“I hereby declare that these two are married. Oyasuminasai! Everyone, celebrate!”

“Congrats! Congrats, Hubb!”

“I’d kill for a wife like yours, man!”

“Waife! You’re so pretty! Congratulations!”

“Have a happy life! Oyasuminasai!”

“Yup yup,” yelled Ichika, “Going this far for a kiss like that was totally worth it! Graaats!”

“Heheh, that will be me soon...!” murmured Rokuko as Niku quietly clapped beside her.

All those gathered, in fact, clapped and tossed out words of celebration at the High Priestess’s behest.

“Oh, you can stop kissing now.”

“R-Right.”

“N-Nnn, I knew kissing in front of people would be embarrassing...” muttered Waife quietly. Her blushing was cute and Hubb wanted to keep it all for himself, so he put the veil back on her.

...Such was the right of a husband legally recognized by the Beddhist Church, and it most certainly did not represent walls forming between them again. It certainly symbolized that the husband was protecting his wife with his own two hands.

“May this couple be forever happy! Now, everyone, it is time for them to leave. Applause, please!”

Hubb locked arms with Waife and guided her out of the church.

“Let’s go, Waife.”

“Yes, my love.”

And so the two of them walked down the Culmination Road with cheers and applause surrounding them on both sides.

“Aaand, thus concludes the ceremony. We’ll be holding an open feast in just a moment, so I request that everyone here moves outside of the church. Hey, no pushing. Take your time, there’s enough for everyone.” And so the wedding part of the ceremony concluded.

The wedding itself was the main event for the Beddhist Church, but for those participating it would be fair to say that things were just getting started. After all, in this world weddings were just excuses for an entire town to get together and feast like crazy.

...There was still the bouquet and the feast left. It would be an all-you-can-eat buffet with Rokuko footing the bill, as the pamphlet described.

# Maiodore’s Perspective

“My, that was just wonderful...” Maiodore had participated in the Beddhist wedding with her father, Bonodore the archduke. He was an invited guest. Hubb and Waife had cautiously sent him an invitation given his relationship with the town, and apparently him accepting had shocked them so much they nearly fell over.

The archduke himself, participating in the wedding of some random villagers? They had probably never expected it. He had indeed worn normal commoner clothes to blend in, but they hardly made a difference. In the end he was still wearing clothes on par with the married couple and those in the front row.

“This ceremony certainly resembled an Ivory Church marriage,” Bonodore noted. “Though there were some points adjusted to suit the Beddhist Church’s philosophy.”

“Geez, father. Analyzing customs during ceremonies is uncouth. Haaah, now I truly want to have a wonderful wedding of my own with Kuro. That was such a splendid dress.”

“I hear they finished that dress in a single week.”

“Although true, the dress itself was found within the dungeon by Keima. It seems all they had to do was decorate it and make some minor size adjustments. I helped with that a tad.”

“I see, that is significantly more reasonable.” Bonodore nodded, one mystery having been solved.

“Incidentally, there’s another dress just like it, for the color change.”

“...C-Come again...? There’s another dress, just like that one?”

“Yes. I helped embroider it! Just a little, though. It was a red adult dress with black gemstones embedded in it.”

“...I suppose I should suspect nothing less when Keima is involved.”

There were two dresses embroidered with enough gemstones that could buy an entire mansion just by selling either of them. Bonodore decided not to think too hard about that.

“Speaking of which, father, have you ever heard the word Comfylove before?”

“Comfylove... I’ve heard of the two halves independently, but never together. It’s a splendid word, I’d say. What could be better than love that’s as comfy and heartwarming as a bed...?” Bonodore thought about his own wife, Waltz. He was a high ranking noble, but he had married Waltz out of love. “I’ve never heard the word before, but it rings deeply in my heart... Thinking back, there has always been a comfy warmth I’ve felt with Waltz. That is surely the Comfylove of which he speaks.”

“I too feel warm and happy when I’m with Kuro. That must mean I am enveloped with Comfylove for her,” said Maiodore with her cheeks blushing.

“Not to mention, I quite liked the vows the couple swore.”

“They were kind vows filled with compassion for one another... Aahaaah.”

“I especially liked the part about being honest when things became too much. If one knows the struggles the other is going through, it becomes easier to accept that you aren’t the only one suffering, which will breed compassion.”

“I see... I should tell Kuro the things I want to say too!” Maiodore lifted her head proudly, which made Bonodore raise an eyebrow.

“...I’ve been meaning to mention this, but you do know your engagement with her was made on the assumption it would be canceled, yes?”

“I will ensure it happens, no matter what!”

“Kuroinu is a skilled enough warrior that I would gladly accept her into my family, but... Well, regardless. Rondo will inherit the duchy. You may do as you like.”

“I will! Ensure! It happens! No matter what...! I think I will ask Michiru to perform the service, actually.”

Bonodore, pleased by her enthusiasm, patted his daughter’s head, slightly mussing it in the process. “In any case, it seems as if there is something happening before the feast? What was all that about?”

“Oh, the bouquet toss! It’s the bouquet toss, father! I can’t be here; I need to give it everything I have!” The bouquet toss. An infamous event present in Ivory Church weddings as well, having been introduced by a Hero. The bride would throw a bouquet high into the air, and whichever woman caught the bouquet would be fated to become the next bride.

It was perhaps due to this event that every unmarried woman in the city, excluding the nuns, were present for the wedding. There were a surprising number of them... Part of that was due to Waife inviting mostly women, but it seemed that female adventurers making a living in Tsia and Pavella had heard rumors of the wedding and rushed over.

Though to be clear, there weren’t many kids like Maiodore participating. Or to be more precise, since Michiru was part of the nun squad, there was only one other kid participating.

“Kuro! Are you participating too?”

“Oh, Mai. Are you going for the bouquet toss?”

“Yes. I’ll grab it out of the air and become the next bride!”

“Master told me to participate, so I am... I won’t lose.” It was likely that he had only said that casually in hopes of her having fun, but suddenly the thought struck Maiodore. If Kuro caught the bouquet, that would make Maiodore the husband. In other words, they were competing to see who would be wearing the wedding dress. I won’t lose, thought Maiodore, before correcting herself. Rather, I won’t let Kuro get the bouquet! Anyone but her!

“I will not lose either! I want to wear a splendid dress like that as well! I will get the bouquet myself no matter the cost!”

“Hm? You’re cute, Mai, so a dress like that would look good on you.”

“...Hyah?! Ah, aaah, thank you very much!” But I won’t hold back just because you complimented me! added Maiodore on the inside.

And it was then that the toss began. Waife yelled “Here I gooo!”, then tossed to bouquet as high as she could behind her.

So high! thought Maiodore. Perhaps it would be best for her to fly. But on second thought, she couldn’t fly very well yet.

The bouquet fluttered down, carried by the wind. She predicted where it would land and headed that way, only to find other participants standing there already. That said, Maiodore’s victory condition was actually just preventing a certain person from getting the bouquet. She searched for that person—Kuro—and found her a short distance away from the crowd.

From that distance, she won’t be able to catch it... It happened the second after Maiodore thought that.

“Ichika, I’m borrowing your head.”

“Wha, c’mon, bguwwuh?!” Kuro leapt into the air, using Ichika’s head as a springboard. She leapt... straight toward the bouquet. That acrobatic feat was the mark of she who was known as the strongest fighter in Goren. After catching the bouquet, she rolled in the air and landed gracefully on her feet.

“Woah! Did she just fly through the air?!”

“Who is that kid?!”

“It’s Kuroinu, the strongest adventurer in Goren!”

“The ambush nobody expected...!”

“C’mon, Kuro, don’t be immatu... Wait, you’re a kid! Nooo!”

“Does this mean none of us are getting married until Kuro does...?! This can’t be happening!”

The other participants were surprisingly devastated. Maiodore included, of course.

“Ngh...! I can’t believe Kuro wanted to wear the wedding dress that much...! Ah, but well, of course she would want to wear a splendid dress like the one we saw. Even I had my heart stolen by it!” Maiodore sadly plopped down onto the ground without a care for how that would dirty her dress. Kuro walked over with the bouquet in hand.

“Hm? What’s wrong, Mai?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Congratulations, Kuro. I am sure that wedding dress will look perfect on you.” So she said, but Kuro just tilted her head in confusion.

“I’m not sure what you mean, but here. You can have it, Mai.”

“Wha?” Maiodore looked at the bouquet held out to her in disbelief.

“Well? Didn’t you want it?”

“Oh, yes... Yes!” Maiodore took the bouquet. She had briefly considered that crossdressing as Kuro sometimes did would be fine, but at heart as a girl she still found herself enraptured by the idea of wearing a wedding dress.

Kuro handed over the bouquet she had gone out of her way to get without any hesitation. Her expression was as blank as ever, but Maiodore was envisioning the gallant smile of a prince on her face.

“...I am so grateful to be engaged to you, Kuro.”

“That’s good. I’m glad.” Incidentally, Kuro had been raised in an environment where flowery things like weddings weren’t even a consideration, and thus naturally had no idea that catching the bouquet signified becoming a bride. Not that she would have cared, anyway. Her focus was entirely on the upcoming feast. Food was more important than romance. Such was the nature of children her age.

“Ngh... So this is Comfylove...!”

“This is the love of the Beddhist Church!”

“I can feel it. I can feel... the love.”

“The Comfylove is overflowing...!”

The bouquet toss participants who had been watching them from start to finish began writhing in discomfort, but neither Kuro or Maiodore really paid them any heed.

# Keima’s Perspective

I let out a sigh of relief once the bouquet toss was over.

“...That ends the ceremony. All that’s left is basically the party.” That might have been my first time attending an actual wedding. Well, I might’ve gone to some family member’s wedding when I was a kid, but if I did, I was so young I didn’t remember anything about it.

“Mmm,” murmured Rokuko, “Maybe that wasn’t the best way to do the bouquet toss. Timing and placement-wise this was the only time to do it, but it feels kinda weird to have the newlywed couple leave the church and then just wait around. We should at least have them waiting in a room nearby.”

“Huh? What’re you writing down, Rokuko?”

“I mean, obviously things to improve for next time. Trial runs are always going to have all sorts of problems.”

Makes sense. Guess she’s trying to work out better plans for the next wedding to squeeze out more money. When did Rokuko get so hardcore about things?

“Actually, Rokuko, you don’t mind that you missed the bouquet toss?”

“It’s fine. I’ll want two or three more samples to iron out the kinks, I think, so there will be plenty more opportunities for me. Though I won’t be paying for those.”

Hmm, using acute observation to build up experience through constructive trial and error... Rokuko’s the very model of a business owner now. Seems like she’s intent on making this bridal project succeed.

Rokuko shut her notepad, having finished writing down whatever had been bothering her. “Okay, next up is the feast—the wedding reception. There’s no work for us to do here, so let’s just enjoy ourselves, Keima. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” Rokuko and I were casually sitting in some of the visitor seats, watching the Silkies hurry about distributing the food. Incidentally, the plan for the reception was for Hubb and Waife to cut their wedding cake, give a speech, and then lead the crowd into the party. But Rokuko and I had absolutely nothing to do. That was all according to Rokuko’s plan, of course.

“Hey, Rokuko. Why aren’t we doing any work here, again?” We had helped to some degree with the setup, but she had been strict about neither of us doing any work the day-of. I had thought that was because I would have some religious duties as pope, but no, I had nothing at all to do. So much so that they had adopted some nonsense about Comfylove I had written as a joke into the ceremony. Man, it sure was hard not to bust out laughing at that.

Rokuko answered my question with a tone that made it clear she had no idea why I had needed to ask that. “I mean, because when we do our wedding, we’ll be the couple. The couple can’t do any work at their own wedding.”

...I see. This really was just a trial run for your own dream wedding, huh?

“Don’t worry, Keima. I’ll use the experience I’ve gained here to make our wedding perfect!”

“R-Right.” I appreciated Rokuko’s enthusiasm, but, uh... I wasn’t saying yes or no to the wedding, I was just nodding along as she went. Y’know, it might just be time for me to start preparing to fight Haku.

＊ ＊ ＊

Thoughts of my impending death flashed through my mind as the party began. The crowd had stirred at Waife’s second dress, Hubb had cut the cake and they ate the first bite, and their friends had finished their speeches.

The food up until now had been fancy high-class food, but what awaited was a wild feast where everyone in town regardless of religious affiliation could eat all they wanted. It was basically a gigantic frat party, one that both invited guests and random passersby got pulled into. In Japanese terms it might be called something similar to the after-party of an after-party where only the closest friends stuck around. Except it was the whole town instead.

So yeah, there were mountains of beer and food for everyone to eat. Apparently, it was supposed to represent the couple giving everyone a ton of food to get them off their backs. Incidentally, once the main events were over, the couple headed to their grand suite at the inn. They would spend the rest of their time alone, taking their time with whatever needed to be done without anyone bothering them outside of extreme circumstances. Yeaaah, feel free to return the dresses the morning after.

“Heyooo, town chief, ya drinkin’ anyyy?!” yelled an unsurprisingly drunken Gozou, his face bright red.

“Hey, Gozou. That’s gonna be a no from me.”

“C’mooon! This is Hubb’s wedding, y’know?! How’s everyone supposed to let loose if the town chief’s not letting loose!” My man, everyone is already letting loose.

“He’s riiight, Keima. Drink a littlllle, burp!” said a lurid, familiar voice. I turned around to see Rokuko eyeing me up with an empty beer mug in her hand. Her face was bright red.

“Hey! Who gave Rokuko beer?!”

“It was him.” “Nah, it was him.” “Him.” “I gave her some too, but it was him.” “Oh, should I not have?”

“Of course you shouldn’t have!”

“What’re you talking about? She’s an adult, ain’t she?”

Ngh! Now that he mentions it, Rokuko does look just barely like an adult in this world when she’s not in her DP-saving form. Anyone who’s known Rokuko for a while here will think she’s of age, obviously.

“No backtalk! I say she can’t drink and that means she can’t! And come on, she’s obviously had way too much!”

“My bad. It was just so fun seeing her gulp it all down I couldn’t help myself.” What’ll you do if she gets acute alcohol poisoning?!

“Don’t sweaaaat it, Keimaaaaa. Wait, when’d you learn a duplication skill, Keimaaa? Whaaa, waiiiit, everyone’s duplicateeed! But I can’t touch the clooones?” Rokuko smacked the empty air beside me (where presumably she was seeing double). She had gotten completely drunk. Talk about being hammered... Man. Now I’m scared she’s gonna leak our deadly secrets to someone.

“Oh, I can touch this Keima! Eheheheheeeheh.”

“Uh, Rokuko?”

“Alriiiight! Let’s get to drinking, Keimaaa!”

“Stop! Drinking! You’re coming with me, bucko.”

“Awww, but whyyyy? Do you have something fun for meee? Lemme tell you now, I don’t want any friggin’ gobliiins. Melon rolls? Gimme some melon rolls, Keimaaaa!” I used my Golem assistance to pick up Rokuko and evacuate to the chief’s residence as she kicked her legs.

“Hey, look everyone! We’ve got some more newlyweds over here!”

“Really?! Congraaats!”

“COMFYLOOOOOVE!”

“Oyasuminasai!”

Cheers of celebration rang out as I escaped with Rokuko in my arms. “What will make them understand that Rokuko and I aren’t married...?”

“Awwww, Keima, do you... not wanna marry me?” asked Rokuko, looking at me with sultry, wet eyes.

“...The problem is that I kinda would!” And marrying you means getting killed by Haku!

“Then what’s the probleeem? Keimaaa, kiss meeee!”

“No! There’s big problems!”

Rokuko pursed her lips in my arms and started leaning forward to kiss me, but suddenly stopped midway through. “Oh, right. I got the order wrong. Rei! REEEEEI! Say the vows agaaain! This is an order, get to it!”

“Bwuhuh?! U-Understood, right away!” Rei, who had been doing her job as High Priestess, dropped everything to rush over to us.

“Ummm, Keima, do you take Rokuko as your lawfully wedde—”

“Good enough! I sweaaaar!”

“Bwuuuh?!”

“Hey! Don’t shorten the vows!” And you skipped the whole groom part! You’re gonna cut my part out of the vows?!

“E-Erm, in that case, you may now kiss the bride.”

“Rei, you don’t have to do this. I’ll get Rokuko in bed, you do whatever it is you need to do!” I ran off. If not for the Golem assistance I probably wouldn’t have been able to run while princess-carrying Rokuko. Thank you, Golem assistance, thank you {Create Golem}. A-Anyway, I need to distract myself with pointless nonsense. If I don’t—

“What’s the problem, Keimaaa? I’m yours, sooo... kiss me?”

—I won’t be able to resist Rokuko while she’s drunk. She’s just that overwhelming.

“Alright, alright. Just settle down.”

“Eheheheh. You said alright. That means we’re married! Noooo takebaaacks! Ahahaha, yaaaay!” Rokuko giggled with glee, but the happier she got the more physically and mentally exhausted I became.

...I can’t let Rokuko get drunk. And I can’t let her be like this in public, either. No doubt about that now.

I finally reached Rokuko’s room and went inside after somehow managing to open her door while carrying her. The air was adrift with her familiar smell, though it was a little more natural-smelling here than in my arms. The room itself was neatly organized without much stuff in general. Even the comics she had taken from my room were neatly organized on shelves.

“Here, we made it to your room. Get off me.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Don’t nuh-uh me.” I put Rokuko down onto the bed. But she wouldn’t let go of me.

“...I’ll let go if you kiss me. If you give me the wedding kiss.”

“I’m telling you, I can’t do that yet.” So I said, but Rokuko pulled me towards her. I lost my balance and was forced to lie next to her. Why is she so crazy stro— Oh right, she has Golem assistance too.

“When will you be ready? I’m already all yours, why won’t you be mine...?”

“...When? I mean, I guess when Haku gives her permission.” Rokuko’s face was right in front of my eyes. Her cheeks were red, showing that she was still a little drunk. I could hear a thumping heartbeat. Was it mine or Rokuko’s? No idea.

“She’ll obviously say yes. So go ahead, kiss me.”

“Face the facts, she’s not gonna say yes. Which means no kiss.”

“Grr. You big bully. You big coward.”

“...” I didn’t argue with Rokuko’s pouting insults. I certainly was being cowardly here, after all.

“...Well, Keima... If you won’t kiss me, will you at least spend the night with me?”

“Fine, fine. Better than you going back into that mess.”

“Mmm. I’ll keep this a secret from Haku for you...” said Rokuko with a smile as she wrapped her arms around me, falling asleep with me as her dakimakura.

...Did I manage to go the whole night without losing my self-control? Yes, yes I did. ’Cause I’m a coward!

“Thank you very much, town chief. I’ll never forget how perfect our wedding was.”

“It’s thanks to you that we had such an amazing wedding, Rokuko. Thank you! Here are the dresses you lent me. Oh, and of course I didn’t take a single gemstone off them! All one hundred and twenty-eight of them are still there!”

“Sweet. You, uh, counted them, huh?”

The fact that Rokuko was blushing harder than Hubb and Waife when they came to return their {Purified} clothes was a fact I’ll keep between you and me. I’m just gonna have to hope that none of this leaks to Haku. Hope and pray...