Chapter 3—# Igni’s Perspective

Think of the boss room in the fifth floor of the [Flame Caverns]. Normally there would be a Red Minotaur camping out there, but now there was a Flame Dragon rolling around on her back.

“Okay, I’m bored.” It had been yet another day of her crushing adventurers without any effort. She was letting them leave alive due to her promise to Keima, but she had really gotten bored of playing around with small fries.

Incidentally, she was stripping the adventurers of their equipment which she could to give to Ittetsu. Turned out their equipment was good for putting into treasure chests. She didn’t know why humans wanted fragile armor and helmets that she could easily break between her toes, but Ittetsu gave her sweet Golem Beets as thanks for them, so, well... she didn’t mind it.

Incidentally, Golem Beets didn’t actually have Golems in them. But they were sweet and tasty. Small, too, so she usually ate them in human form. There were Dragon Beets too, but that felt kind of like cannibalism. Sure, they looked cool and were super tasty, but they would go bad if she just kept one around to look at.

“Heeey, Dad. Can I go play with Uncle Keima?”

“Didja already forget you’re grounded?” Oh, right. That meant she would have to sneak out. Not like she would just stay inside when she had a new Ghost friend she wanted to meet.

Igni stealthily morphed into human form, put on a gold arm band, and ran through the dungeon. The armband apparently hid her strong Dragon aura. Keima was used to Ittetsu and Redra, but her Ghost friend Elulu would pass out if she weren’t wearing it.

Eventually, she reached the magma-flowing passage that connected the [Flame Caverns] to the [Cave of Greed]. Luckily, nobody seemed to have noticed her.

“Oh, Igni. Welcome.”

“Hi hiii! I’m here to play!” Excluding her friend Elulu, that is. As the [Cave of Greed]’s manager, Elulu noticed the second Igni came and went to pop her head out of the dungeon wall.

Within the magma-filled area apparently called [Phenny’s Playground], she and Elulu played the block tower game. It was fun. Especially now that she was good enough to win one out of every five games.

“You know, I think that means I’m a master of my human form now!”

“Um. Well, mmm, you might be able to pass yourself off as a Dragonewt, but... you’re so strong that people could die if you aren’t careful, Igni.”

“It’ll be fine! I don’t even burn the blocks anymore, right?”

“You are a lot better about that than you used to be.”

“Better means perfect! Yaaay!” Igni squealed happily, which made Elulu break into a smile. Children were always so heartwarming, even when they happened to be three hundred years older than you.

“I think I’m ready for the next level!”

“The next level?”

“Yeah! It’s time for me to learn more about humans!” Igni clenched her fist and flared up. That turned the blocks she had been holding to ash, but Elulu decided not to worry about that.

“Elulu! I wanna see the human town!”

“U-Umm. Why not just look at it through the monitor? Here, I’ll open the menu and... turn off the ‘invisible’ option...” As a dungeon administrator, Elulu had been given access to most of the menu. She could use the monitor to see the town on top of the dungeon (because the town was part of the dungeon, but anyway), and soon enough Igni could see all of the monitors Elulu was looking at too.

“Wooow! There’s so many humans!”

“That’s right. There seems to be a festival going on.”

“A festival? Like, those things where humans offer up beer and meat to you?”

“People worship you, Igni...?”

“Some people tried to give me human women! I didn’t really like them, though. Minotaurs and Orcs have way more meat than humans.”

Elulu deduced that Igni was referring to sacrificial rituals, not festivals, but in the end, there really wasn’t that big of a difference between them. By now she had learned that being fussy over details did not serve you well while spending time with Dragons.

“Also, like, spicy food’s way better!”

“Oh, you like spicy food, Igni?”

“I like it ’cause spicy stuff feels strong! It goes good with beer, too.” For a second Elulu wondered about Igni drinking while looking as young as she did, but then remembered that her human form was just temporary. Her actual Dragon form was plenty old enough to drink. She was three-hundred years old either way, after all.

Suddenly, Igni pointed at one of the monitors. “Hey, Elulu. Aren’t those Golem Beets?” Indeed, that monitor was showing the Golem Beets stand. Though so many more people were buying the Dragon Beets that they felt kind of like a side thing.

“Yes, that is the Golem Beets stand. Do you like Golem Beets...? They aren’t that spicy.”

“Uh huh. They aren’t spicy, but I like sweet stuff too! I sure would love some spicy Golem Beets! Those would really make me want beer... Oh, but I’m grounded right now, and Dad said no beer.” Igni didn’t mind leaving home while grounded, but she drew the line at drinking. Elulu honestly could not comprehend why that was.

“Anyway, I like Golem Beets the most!”

“I see,” said Elulu just as a fresh Golem Beet was finished. Hot steam wafted off it, making the pastry look good even through the monitor.

“I wanna go eat one!” said Igni, her eyes shining.

Oh no, thought Elulu. She had been given permission to play along with Igni’s visits, but who knew if that permission extended to taking her to the town.

Really, though, it wasn’t too hard to conclude that it certainly did not. After all, the town was more than filled with adventurers here specifically to kill Igni. Things would get real bad real fast if they found out who Igni really was somehow.

“I wanna eat a fresh Golem Beet! I know you can buy them!”

“Mmm. In that case, want me to bring you some? I’m sure Ichika would be willing to buy them for you.”

“Nuh-uh! I’m going myself! My human form is perfect now, after all!” And so began the tantrum of a three-hundred year old child. If you’re wondering why Igni was so obsessed with her human form, it’s because her mother told her that if she was in love with a human, she had to master her human form and the ways of human culture to be with them. Now that she had gotten a grip on it, it really was time for her to learn about human culture and such. She could have just asked Elulu, but Igni was more about doing than talking.

...It would be pitiful to reject her after just complimenting her on how much better she had gotten. Elulu, conflicted, decided to just ask her superior.

“And that’s the situation, Master. What should I do?”

“I kinda wish you hadn’t asked me.” Keima scratched his head, having been called over. He looked tired.

“Please, uncle! I wanna buy Golem Beets!” Igni looked at Keima with gleaming eyes. Her childlike innocence was so bright that Keima had to look away.

“Actually, is Ittetsu okay with all this? Aren’t you supposed to be grounded?”

“D-Duh, of course he is!”

“Are you suuure about that?” Keima gave Igni a doubtful look as her eyes wavered. He had probably already figured out that Igni wasn’t here with her parents’ permission. But since Ittetsu wasn’t making a fuss about it, he could also guess that he wanted Igni to have an avenue for blowing off steam. Besides, going outside wouldn’t be that big of a deal if she kept her promise not to kill adventurers.

“You can go if you make absolutely sure that nobody finds out you’re a Dragon.”

“Really?!”

“Lemme just warn you now, no beating up villagers or adventurers to threaten them. Here, I’ll give you some cash to buy Dragon Beets with. And a robe to hide yourself.” Keima handed over a small leather pouch with coins. He then pulled out a nondescript brown robe and pulled it over Igni’s head.

“Okay! Thanks, uncle! Also, I like Golem Beets more!”

“That so? Well, whatever works. Just come back as soon as you finish buying them.”

“Okaaay!”

“...I’m sure she won’t need any supervision. I mean, she’s three-hundred years old, a little shopping won’t kill her.”

Only adventurers could be seen going in and out of the [Cave of Greed]. Keima, figuring there might be problems if she was seen leaving through the front exit, built a small tunnel through Tsia Mountain and connected it to the [Cave of Greed]. Now Igni could leave from the side and go to Goren herself.

That said, Igni looked just a little bit too suspicious for everyone to buy she was a normal human. Good thing she was short enough to obviously be one, then. Her limbs were just human enough that she would be fine buying things if she just kept the robe on.

Igni searched for the stand Elulu had shown her. She had noticed how many people there were through the monitor, but only once she was there did she realize how much they blocked her view.

“Oh, my bad.”

“Mm?” A kid about Igni’s height bumped into her. That wasn’t anything to worry about, so she just went back to searching, holding back the urge to fly high above the humans taller than her.

“Owowowowow! H-Hey, let go of me!”

“I’m not about to let a pickpocket go free. Kid or not, I’m gonna hand you over to the authorities.”

Igni ignored the fuss going on behind her and kept looking. Until... there! It was the Dragon Beets stand. They sold Golem Beets there too! Igni found her way there.

“Mister! One Golem Beet please!”

“Oh! You’ve got good taste, girl. Golem Beets just make sense in Goren Town. Oh, and that’ll be five coppers. Go ahead and pay, it’ll be right up.”

“Okay! Wait...” She dug through her clothes, but couldn’t find the pouch she got from Keima.

“It’s gone! My pouch!” Just before Igni could throw off her robe to look for it, someone called out to her.

“Excuse me, miss. This was stolen from you a second ago.”

“Oooh! That’s my pouch! Thank y—” Igni cut off mid-sentence, freezing in place. The man speaking to her had a familiar face. Her heart thumped.

...When she said she had fallen in love at first sight, she wasn’t kidding. She thought she would recognize him the second she saw him again, and she was right.

“Huh? Are you a kid from this village? Or did you come from somewhere else?”

“Um, somewhere else. I wanted to buy some Golem Beets. What about you? What’s your name?”

“I’m Wataru. I come to this town all the time,” said Wataru with a smile.

Igni had safely gotten her Golem Beets, and she had reunited with her first love. She was so nervous that scales reappeared on the back of her hand when paying, but the guy behind the stand just assumed she was wearing a red metal gauntlet and didn’t mention it.

Igni couldn’t stop grinning. Wataru. Wataru. She repeated the name over and over in her head, tasting every syllable.

“You in love?”

“Wha?!” The sudden question threw Igni off hard.

“Most everyone buys Dragon Beets, so I’m wondering if you just love Golem Beets.”

“O-Oh. That’s what you mean. Yep, I love Golem Beets more.” Igni stuffed her cheeks full of the Golem Beet. The fresh pastry was sweet and fluffy. She could taste all the soft flavors since she was eating with her human mouth. She liked sweeter things when she was in human form.

“So good! Fresh ones are great!”

“Ahaha, they sure are.” Wataru ate the Dragon Beet and Golem Beet he had bought himself.

“...Still surprised that there’s no red bean paste in either of these.”

“Red bean paste?”

“Oh, nothing, don’t worry about it. These are actually made to taste better on their own, anyway. Really reminds of the baby castella I used to eat at fairs... they’re more like taiyaki size-wise, though.” Wataru bit into the tail of his Dragon Beet with a nostalgic look in his eyes. Igni watched him carefully.

“Y-You like Dragon Beets too, Wataru...?”

“Huh? I mean, yeah, Dragon Beets are way more cool. They look strong and everything.”

“Really?! They look strong?! You’re so right, Dragons are super strong and cool!”

“But Golem Beets are cheaper and bigger. They’re the better deal. Maybe I like Golem Beets more after all.”

“You’re so right! Golem Beets are awesome!” Igni was so happy that he liked what she liked that she actually waved her arms in the air. But she stopped once her wings started to grow back. Just had to hide them back in her robe.

“I was right about you, Wataru. You can come to my home any time.”

“Uh? Thanks?”

“You’re welcome! Come to my place! Promise!”

“Ahaha, I’m not sure if I can promise that. But where do you live, anyway?”

“Mm, over theeeaaahwait...” Igni started to point to Tsia Mountain, but then remembered she had promised Keima not to reveal her identity. “Umm... It’s a secret! I’m a girl who keeps her promises!”

“Guess I can’t push the subject, then.” Wataru smiled. “Well, I’ll look forward to your warm welcome if I ever go to your place.”

“Uh-huh! I’ll make Dad accept you no matter what!” Igni puffed out her chest with pride, having successfully managed to make a promise with Wataru. She decided to give him her prized Magma Slime to eat if he ever came to the [Flame Caverns]. Then they could play with the blocks. And have fun fighting. She would welcome him with all she had.

At which point she remembered she’d promised Keima she would go back as soon as she bought her Golem Beets. She hated to leave the love of her life so soon, but Igni was a girl who kept her promises.

“Okay, I’ve gotta go home! See you later, Wataru!”

“Sure, see ya later.”

Igni energetically waved goodbye to Wataru before heading home. Incidentally, Ittetsu was waiting for her there and gave her a harsh lecture on not only leaving the dungeon, but going all the way to town.

# Keima’s Perspective

I thought all the Dragon stuff would barely last long at all, but it sure was still going on. There was no end to adventurers wanting to defeat a Dragon to get famous.

...So, I did some research into why, and learned that it was all my fault. I should never have said that Igni would be staying in the mountain for five years. That made everyone consider the next five years their chance to get the Flame Dragon. Many adventurers were hearing tales of the situation and deciding it was their time to shine.

But that was fine. A problem, but not the big one. The big problem, and my big mistake, was making Igni promise to let the adventurers leave alive. I did say “if possible,” but they were all small fries to Igni. As long as she didn’t slip and crush them by accident, it was cake for her to send them running while still alive.

The result? Everyone noticed how many people were coming back alive, and realized that they could safely challenge the Dragon. Although one could also say that I didn’t want to set my friend Ittetsu’s daughter on a path of non-stop murder for half a decade, so maybe this was still for the best.

Anyway, people coming back alive meant more information about the Flame Dragon getting passed on. That meant each new challenger could make a more informed plan. Party after party of adventurers with perfectly constructed plots were strutting into Goren each day.

But not even their plots could overcome the enormous power difference between them and a Dragon. Fire-resistant armor could be blown off with a single sneeze from Igni. They would need armor made from Phoenix eggshells if they wanted to resist Igni’s fire. And those would shatter if she poked them!

To sum it all up, there was an infinite loop of adventurers coming to town, fighting Igni, resurrecting thanks to me, spreading more info about Igni, and inspiring more people to come to town. If things kept going as they were, it was possible that someone might eventually beat Igni. Though to be fair, they weren’t the best at keeping information accurate. Which is to say that the losers mainly hyped up the story to brag about how intense their fight had been with all their special plans and equipment. The people listening understood that the tales were exaggerated, so they fiddled with the details themselves. Sometimes they ended up retelling just half the story, assuming the other half to be false.

People would hear the modified story, think they needed to prepare twice as hard to win, which ultimately put them at the same level as the people whose story they heard except with a pinch of overconfidence that led them right to their failure. Even people who made actually crazy plans ended up spoiling them by bragging loudly about them in the church and camps. Oh, and I was the one spilling the beans to Ittetsu. Though he always told me that none of it would work on Igni.

Anyway, I got off track there. The point was that this mess was mostly my fault. Which meant I had to do something about it. Things were so busy it was hard for me to sleep. If only the adventurers would stop fighting among themselves for one minute and let me get a nap in. Not to mention that so many of them were flooding our own dungeon and making it to the storage room area that the dam was about to break.

So basically, just as I decided it was finally time for me to do something, he appeared.

“Keima! Sure are a lot of people here, huh? Got any open rooms?”

“Wataru! No spare rooms, but you’ve come at the perfect time.” Wataru the Hero of Debt. It would be fair to say that he was just as strong as a Dragon. Probably. Surely. Yeah, definitely.

A brilliant idea dawned upon me the second I saw him. “Wataru, let’s go beat the Dragon.”

“Wha?!”

Indeed. If I had Wataru beat the Dragon and send it running, then everything would solve itself! (Looking back, I was probably sleep deprived when I thought of that plan.)

＊ ＊ ＊

“So yeah, I was wondering if you’d let us beat the crap out of Igni.”

“Fuckin’ what, Keima? That’s not what we agreed on.” Ittetsu glared at me.

“Sorry, I said that poorly. I was wondering if you’d let us kick her out of Tsia Mountain.”

“You want me to drive my daughter out of her own home? Huh?” He glared at me again.

“Just for now. I never said she couldn’t come back.”

“...Ah, I getcha.” Ittetsu seemed to realize what I was getting at.

Indeed. I would have Wataru the Hero beat Igni, then let her flee to some distant mountain. That would send the Dragon away from here and let beloved peace return to my town. Once the dust had settled, Igni could come back without a horde of adventurers after her, which would be fine with Ittetsu. I would hate to see all this tasty DP go, but I wanted peace and rest more than DP.

“But y’know, couldn’t Igni just fuckin’ leave on her own?”

“People would probably interpret that as her stretching her wings before coming back.”

“Yeah, true. And she would be comin’ back. It’s important they think she got beaten out, I get ya.” Ittetsu was as quick on the uptake as ever.

“So, who’s gonna be taking out Igni, huh? You?”

“Don’t be stupid. Legends are busy people, and I don’t intend to start a legend about how I beat Laverio’s guardian Dragon. I’m gonna let Wataru have all the glory. Remember him? He’s the Hero that came to your place from mine.”

“Aaah... that guy. Yeah, he could send Igni running.” Woah. Wataru’s strong enough for Ittetsu to back him up like that? “But is that Hero gonna help you?”

“I can make it happen.” So I said, but he had already said that he didn’t mind helping me fight the Dragon. He was like, “Sure!” and that was that. Actually, he was so casual about it that I got kinda suspicious. “I’ll be going with ’im, too. Now here’s the plan for how we’re gonna make it look like Igni got beat.”

“I’m listenin’.”

And so, Ittetsu and I began discussing our battle strategy.

First, I brought up how Wataru tended to negotiate with monsters that could talk. He had done so after encountering Rin the wolf-shaped Slime in my dungeon way back when. Then, I brought up how Igni was letting adventurers return alive. That gave her the perfect opportunity to play the innocent little Dragon that definitely meant no harm.

“So basically, we want to get them talking, then have them agree on Igni leaving and not coming back. All we need to do is make sure Wataru gets fooled.”

“Hold it, Keima, there’s a fuckin’ problem with that,” said Ittetsu with his gravelly voice.

“A problem?”

“Yeah. Igni fuckin’ hates lies. If she makes a promise like that, she ain’t gonna come back. We wanna avoid that.” Alright. No telling lies, then.

“Hmm. What about something like ‘Crap, I lost! I gotta get out of here!’?”

“Yeah, that could work. But won’t that mean they gotta fight?” Yeah, I guess I couldn’t exactly bring Wataru over for a duel in Je*ga.

“How about setting a trap for her?”

“A trap? What kinda trap is Igni gonna fall for?”

“I think I’ll roll with us bringing Igni an offering of beer. She’ll get drunk and we’ll tie her up while she’s down. When she wakes up, we’ll have a sword in her face, and bam. That’s when she’ll run away.”

“Oooh! Yeah, that’s a trap she’d fall for! Who fuckin’ wouldn’t, really?”

Thus was established the Yamata no Orochi strategy. It was a historical strategy used even in Japanese religious myths.

“But, will humans really believe in Igni givin’ up like that?”

“Huh? Well, I guess cutting off one of her horns will make the whole thing more convincing than just a verbal promise.”

“Break one of Igni’s horns? The fuck is wrong with you, she’s not even married.”

“I dunno why you’d expect me to know about Dragon culture, but I get what you’re implying.” I was probably suggesting the equivalent of cutting off half her hair or something. “Maybe she could give us some treasure? I’m sure you can think of something for this. Put an insignia in a crystal ball and call it a, uh, Dragon ball.”

“What the fuck’re you talking about?”

I took out a crystal ball about as large as a basketball. It was the old thing I made with a trash-quality crystal back when I was practicing {Create Golem}. It was spotless without a single scratch.

“Just put a mark inside this and it’s done. The mark could be... the thing on your shoulder.” There was a tattoo-esque birthmark on Ittetsu’s shoulder. All I had to do was copy it.

“Oh, this thing? Sounds good. Does look kinda like a fire element thing.”

“We’ll say that Igni had the same mark on her since birth. Guess I’ll make the mark out of rubies to sell the effect.”

“Hey, I’ll cover the rubies. Those’re about 50,000 DP, so yeah. Got enough time to finish it?”

“Won’t be a problem if I start now.”

“Alright. I’m countin’ on ya, Keima. And bring it here once you’re done so Igni can enchant it a little. That’ll sell it a bit more,” said Ittetsu before giving me 50,000 DP. That was enough for me to make fifty of the balls, but no need for him to know that. Consider it a research and development fee.

“By the way. I want to ask for your help if things get a little too spicy.”

“My help? What, ya need more DP?”

“No, not that. If Igni gets so drunk or sleepy she forgets our strategy, she might go a little wild. Hopefully you can step in and stop her if it comes to that.”

“Aaah... yeah, that could happen,” said Ittetsu with a nod.

“Better you deal with her than letting a Hero actually fight her.”

“Hell yeah. I’d kill the shit outta any Hero that scratched my cute little daughter.” Sword slices are just scratches to her, huh? Wait... it’s feeling kinda hot in here.

“Uh, Ittetsu? It’s kinda hot.”

“Ah! My bad, Keima. I remembered somethin’ and got kinda pissed.” Ittetsu cooled down on the spot. “Igni had a cut on her neck when she came back. It was just a flesh wound, but y’know.”

“On her neck, huh?”

“Apparently a human guy got a good cut on her... I’ll beat the shit out of him if I ever find him.”

“Pretty sure a single punch from you would kill most humans. Though anyone strong enough to hurt Igni would probably survive.” I gave the soon to be fatally wounded victim my sympathy, then told Ittetsu the signal I’d give if I needed his help. I would bring a piece of paper with a magic circle drawn on it, and burning it would be my sign.

“If Igni gets too drunk, how about I switch’er out with Redra? Not like humans can tell the difference between Dragons.”

“...I dunno, I feel like people will be able to tell the difference between a Red Dragon and a Flame Dragon.”

“You think so? Ahh, yeah, you’re probably right. But they do look a lot alike, y’know. Like mother like daughter and all that. I sure felt that way when they both dried off the same way after taking a magma bath.”

“Look, I don’t wanna hear that.” I simply did not want to hear about how they wiped their bodies after bathing. For more reasons than one.

“Alright. Anyway, you can use these chains to tie down Igni.” Ittetsu lent me some red chains. Apparently, he had made them for punishing Igni, and they would last a full ten seconds even when she struggled as hard as she could.

“Oh, thanks. I’ll call them the Salamander Chains to make them sound important to everyone else.”

“Heh, just calling them what they are, huh?”

“I’ve gotten kinda tired of excessively fancy names lately.” I could just claim Narikin had given them to me. Nobody would doubt the friend of an A-Ranker, construction magic specialist, and Dragon expert. Anyway, I need to brief Igni on all this. She’s the one getting attacked, after all.

＊ ＊ ＊

Gozou, the representative for all the adventurers in town, came to my office. I knew what he was here for. He wanted to talk about the upcoming Dragon hunt. I put down the Beddhist bible, which I was writing in, and leaned back to listen to him.

Gozou spoke first. “Are ye insane, Keima?”

“Why do you ask? If you’re talking about the Dragon hunt, then yes, I’m sane.” I let out a sigh. Gozou scratched his cheek awkwardly.

“Sure, I did say that ye, me, Roppe, and Wataru could beat the Dragon if we worked together.”

“Then what’s the problem? We’re just making that a reality.”

“Lemme ask again. Are ye insane?” asked Gozou, glaring at me. But the fact he didn’t seem scary at all was a clear sign he wasn’t actually angry. Really, he seemed kinda happy about the whole affair.

“The town’s been too busy for too long. It’s cutting into my sleep. Which means it’s time to have the Dragon at the center of all of this retire.”

“Hunting a Dragon cause ye wanna sleep, huh? Hahaha! It’s crazy, but just what I’d expect from ye!” Gozou clapped his hands and laughed. “Let’s do it, Keima. I got everything ready, cause I figured it’d come to this one day.”

“Yeah?”

“Course I did! All adventurers got the same dreams they wanna make come true one day. Reach A-Rank, conquer a famous dungeon, and... hunt a Dragon!” Gozou thumped his chest. Normally I’d find that pretty reassuring, but this time of all times I didn’t want him going a step too far.

“Anyway, ye said ye had a plan?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t do this without a plan.”

“Sure, sure. How many people we gonna get? Everyone in town’ll be ready by tomorrow morning if ye need’m.” Everyone in town? What, is everyone as annoyed as I am?

“This plan involves something I want to keep secret if possible. The smaller our group, the better. I basically only need myself, Kuro, and Ichika on this hunt.” More people would make the behind-the-scenes stuff harder to pull off. Nobody would be suspicious of us working in a small group if we claimed we had a secret plan we wanted to keep hidden. The ideal outcome was us going alone and coming back with a convincing story of having won.

“Wait, ye mean ye don’t even need Wataru?”

“Er, actually, we need him too. I forgot that he’s important to the plan.”

“R-Right. Ye surprised me there.” Yeah, I forgot it’ll be important to push all the credit onto him.

“Everyone else can protect the town while we’re gone, I guess.”

“Roger that. Wait, hold on, don’t tell me you’re gonna leave me and Roppe behind too?”

“Hey, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“Hahaha, I’d come even if you told me not to! We’re Team Bacchus!” What’s that, a drinking team for drunks? But sure, Wataru kinda comes with Gozou and Roppe, I guess. We could say that this Dragon hunt is a joint mission between Team Bacchus and my party.

“Y’know, I never did catch yer party’s name, Keima.” And now that he mentioned it, I sure never came up with a name for my party. Not to mention that Ichika wasn’t an official member of the party, she was just coming along as a slave. Oh, maybe I should bring Rokuko with me since she actually is in the party? Nah, never mind, I don’t want to.

“We don’t have a name. Feel free to think up one on your own.”

“Yeah? I’ve got some ideas for ye, then. The Pope and his Beddhists, Guardians of the Inn’s Sleep, the Hard Working Chief and his Goren Workers, the Dreamy Paradise Harem. How about one of them?”

“What even the hell? Do you really think of me as, like, some kinda jerk with a harem?”

“Nah, those are just what everyone else calls your party.” It seemed that those were the adventurers’ names for my party. I’ve never heard any of those before...

.........

Huh? Wait. What’s with the Hard Working Chief? I’ve been working so hard lately that people actually call me that, huh. This is definitely a problem. I’m gonna have to sleep for days once this Dragon mess is over.

＊ ＊ ＊

We got the Flame Dragon hunting squad together without any issues, then went to Tsia Mountain’s peak after some quick prep time. Thus began the Dragon Extermination Quest. We had all the equipment we needed for climbing mountains. I even got mountain climbing shoes ready. They were oddly expensive at 100 DP a boot, but that was small change to us now. Or rather, small DP. Okay that doesn’t sound great.

“I’m counting on you, town chief! Get revenge for my sweet, sweet radishes!”

“He’s got a Hero with him, I’m sure he’ll be fine. But man, the town chief turning into a Dragon Slayer huh? Seems like this mess might finally be over.”

“I wonder if Dragon steak is any good. Hey, Keima, mind bringing me back some meat?”

The villagers showered me with warm encouragement as I left. But Dragon steak, huh? Let’s see who menti— Niku, stop drooling. Cows are bred to be eaten, I’m sure they taste better. Not everything that’s big, rare, and strong will taste good.

“Keima! Are you okay? Are you forgetting anything? Did you get enough sleep?”

“Kuro, I came to see you off!”

Two voices rang out and the plaza immediately fell silent. But it was just Rokuko and Maiodore there. Was there something weird about that?

“Um, Keima, are you listening to me?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, definitely. Don’t worry, I have everything with me.”

“Do you have your weapon? Your food? Your handkerchief... Ah, Niku’s using it. Here, have mine.” Rokuko took out a white, laced handkerchief out of her cleavage and shoved it into my face. It smelled nice. Is this your work, Ichika? I can see you giving her a stealthy thumbs up over there.

Niku was doing her own thing, with Maiodore giving her a tight hug goodbye. How sweet.

“So, did you get enough sleep?”

“Yeah, I’m actually so awake I can kinda see the world with perfect clarity.”

“Riiight. You definitely seem sleep deprived to me. Are you really gonna be okay...?”

I actually hadn’t slept much since I had spent yesterday making the Dragon ball and getting Igni ready. All this for pinning the credit on Wataru. If a Hero like Wataru brought back an obvious trophy like the Dragon ball, everyone would know he was the true victor. I had worked hard to ensure that, and hard work did mean sleep deprivation.

But no worries, it wasn’t a problem. I could get all the sleep I needed once the battle was over.

“Also, don’t cheat on me just because I can’t go with you, okay?”

“Uh, what? This is a Dragon extermination quest, and I’m just going to a dungeon. I’ll be back later today.” The crowd of villagers stirred at the word “cheat.” What, do they know about Rokuko’s situation? I guess she’s had plenty of time to talk to them as the owner of the inn, and as a waitress.

“Okay then! Bye, Keima! H-Have a goodbye k-k-k... nmm... anyway, bye! Be safe!”

“Yeah, ow, see you, ow, okay stop hitting me out of embarrassment, ow.” Rokuko pounded her fists against my chest with red cheeks. What does she even want from me? An actual goodbye kiss? I dunno who told her about those, but I’m not gonna do that in front of this many people. Also, no dinner for Ichika tonight.

...What’s with you, Wataru? Stop looking around everywhere, we’re leaving. And so, we began climbing the mountain as the crowd saw us off.

Incidentally, Gozou told me that everyone fell silent because my first wife Rokuko arrived while I was with Niku, and then on top of that she said not to cheat on her. Any crowd would react like that, according to him. Not to mention that Maiodore (who was known to call herself Niku’s fiancée) came to see Niku off. The daughter of Tsia’s archduke there while Rokuko said “don’t cheat on me” arose the possibility of an enormous scandal involving the archduke himself.

.........

Uh, no?! Rokuko’s my partner and Niku’s my dakimakura! I’m not doing anything scandalous like that! I’m not, really!

“Haha, Rokuko sure is in love with you, huh, Keima?” Watch it, Wataru, don’t tell Haku anything she doesn’t need to know. Seriously, don’t say anything. I’m not kidding here. “Y’know, Keima, Neruneh didn’t come to see us off. Know anything about that...?” asked Wataru with a kind of gloomy look. Oh, he was searching for Neruneh.

“Neruneh spent all night praying for our success. I’m sure she just slept through us leaving.”

“O-Oh, I see! But... wait, isn’t Beddhist praying just sleeping...?” Yes, I’m saying she just overslept. “Anyway, Keima, what finally convinced you to go hunt a Dragon? It sure seemed like you weren’t interested in it.”

“Well. I’m guessing you want to know why I would do this when fewer people in Goren means less money for me, right?” Heh, well, I already prepared an answer for that. Take this! “The thing is, this will just put things back to normal. Everyone was talking about this being temporary, and we’re going to prove that right. Don’t worry about me at all.”

“...Oh, I get it. This is totally fine with me, don’t worry.” Huh? Sure were a lot of implications bundled up in there... Anyway, can we take a break? I’m getting tired.

＊ ＊ ＊

There weren’t any roads on Tsia Mountain. You just walked straight up the side of the cliff toward the peak. Even with Golem Assistance my legs had to pump up and down, which was tiring in its own way. The air getting thinner kind of bothered me too.

“Oh, by the way, just so we’re clear. I’ve been talking about hunting the Dragon, but our goal here isn’t actually to kill the Dragon.” I spoke loudly so everyone, especially Wataru, could hear me. Wataru, who was strong enough that Ittetsu said he could beat Igni.

“Speaking of which, I still don’t know your crazy plan, Keima.”

“Right, right. The idea here is that we’re going to negotiate. Be sure not to rush in swinging.”

“Negotiating with a Dragon, huh? How likely is that to work?”

“Probably about seventy percent.” It’s technically one hundred percent since I’m fixing the match, but who knows how Igni might mess things up.

“So there’s a thirty percent chance that we fight it.”

“Sure, but it won’t kill us even if we lose. Everyone else coming back alive proves it.”

“We’re planning something nobody else did, so you can’t say that for sure, but... hey. I know better than to doubt one of your plans, Keima.” And worst-case scenario, I just summon Ittetsu and say that was my true hidden plan.

“Anyway, this is pretty exhausting. Can we take a break?” I asked for a break about halfway up the mountain. We had been walking for an hour, which was more than long enough to justify a break. Though they turned me down when I asked for one thirty minutes ago.

“Keima, ye know it’s only been an hour, yeah...?” said Gozou, exasperated. “Eh. Can’t say I didn’t expect this anyhow. Yer not exactly the most fit person out there... but we can’t waste time here. Wataru, carry him on yer back, would ye?”

“Sure.” Wataru took out a shoulder-mounted seat and put it on. “Oh, is this why you asked me to come?”

“Fat chance. Yer too strong fer that... R-Right, Keima?”

“Who knows, maybe I just wanted to feel on top of the world. Maybe I should get a medal for using a Hero like this?”

“Yer sounding crazier by the minute, Keima. Go ahead, Wataru.”

“Leave it to me.” And so, Wataru carried me on his back with a shoulder seat that looked like something Ninomiya Sontoku might wear. Aaah, feels good to be on the top of the world. The shaking actually feels pretty nice if I close my eyes. Now I’m sleepy.

“Yer actually making him carry ye, huh? Don’t ye feel a little ashamed of yerself, as an adventurer?” Gozou sighed, looking at me on top of Wataru’s back.

“Huh? You’re the one who suggested this, remember? And I’m the slowest walker here, anyway. This is simply the most effective strategy. I would expect nothing less than this perfect logic from our town’s resident adventurer.”

“Sheesh, Keima. Yer tiring out our main firepower here, y’know? That thing’s supposed to be for carryin’ the wounded.”

“Fascinating. So you mean to tell me that he’ll carry me back if nobody gets hurt or dies.”

Gozou shook his head with further exasperation. It seemed that this world also had throwing up one’s hands as a gesture for giving up. “There’s the girls walkin, y’know? Ichika or li’l Kuro would be better off up there.”

“Ahaha, what’re you talking about, my dude? Not a slave in the world that’s tryna rest while their master’s walking. Like, real talk, I should prolly be the one carrying Master on my back right now,” said Ichika with Niku nodding beside her. Oh yeah, my party members are all slaves. I kinda forgot about that.

“Wataru, ye gotta back me up here.”

“I don’t mind, Keima’s pretty light. At this rate we’ll reach the summit before noon hits.” Wataru said he didn’t mind, so Gozou moved on and asked his partner Roppe for help.

“And whaddaye think about this, Roppe?”

“As an adventurer I think it’s kinda bad, but it’s Keima we’re talking about, so who cares?”

“So yer saying I’m in the wrong here?” Democracy says yes. And it’s just a fact that we’re moving a lot faster now. Like Wataru said, at this pace we’ll be easily hitting the summit before noon.

No doubt about it, I was dead weight to them. Maybe I should work out a little. I am a Hero too, after all, so... Nah. Sounds like a pain. I spend all day in the inn usually, there’s no point in my getting buff. I’ll let Wataru handle all the dangerous adventures that demand a lot of physical strength and stuff. It’s more my style as a Dungeon Master to just hang out inside and away from the action.

＊ ＊ ＊

Eventually, we hit the summit. It was just about noon. Everything was going according to plan.

There were traces of camps left behind by other adventurers who went after the Flame Dragon. The entrance to the [Flame Caverns] was close by, so resting there for a bit before going inside made sense.

Some of the stuff there looked new, but according to Gozou the camp had been set up three days ago. That made sense, given that the people who had challenged Igni three days ago lost and came back. So yeah, we decided to rest there before entering the [Flame Caverns].

For safety’s sake, we searched the area before settling down. I volunteered to do that myself since I had been carried up. And after erasing the “Current Invaders: 0” message left by Ittetsu with my foot, I finished my investigation and met back up with them.

“Doesn’t look like there are any other adventurers here. No monsters, either, so we should be able to have a quiet lunch.” Incidentally, Ittetsu had also guaranteed that no monsters would be launching surprise attacks on us.

“Alright dudes and dudettes, it’s eating time! We’ve got some hella sweet lunches from Kinue!”

“By the way, you’re not getting any dinner tonight, Ichika. Enjoy your food while it lasts.”

“But why?!”

“Punishment for corrupting Rokuko’s innocent mind.”

“I just wanted to help you two have a happy life, man!”

“Hahaha. Want some red chili paste to drink?”

“That’s not even a liquid! Master, c’mon, gimme a break!” pleaded Ichika as we began to eat our sandwiches. As you would expect from Kinue’s home cooking, they were tasty with fresh and crunchy vegetables.

“...The sun’s still high up. If things go well, we should be home before nighttime.”

“Keima, don’t be forgettin’ that we gotta explore the [Flame Caverns] too. Though we only gotta go to the fifth floor, if the rumors’re right.”

“It’ll be fine, we know exactly where to go. Just look at this map I made,” I said, taking out a map I had made with Ittetsu yesterday. There was nothing odd about me having a map up to the fifth floor boss room, considering just how many adventurers had fled the dungeon after making it that far.

“By the way, the red line shows the route with the least monsters... supposedly.”

“Now that’s somethin’ else.”

“Wow, I didn’t expect you to prepare for this so well. I’m impressed, Keima.”

Sorry Gozou, Roppe, but Ittetsu spoon-fed me all this info.

“Hold on a second, Gozou. This map is just a little too accurate, don’t you think?” said Wataru, sending a chill down my spine. “It’s almost like someone cut the dungeon in half and drew this map while looking from above. I don’t think anyone could draw something like this just from asking around.”

Oh crap. I was too thorough here, I guess.

“If I’m right about this... Keima must have gone to the [Flame Caverns] himself to gather information! Am I right, Keima?” Yeah, in a way! Oh man... should I confirm or deny this?

“Nah, dude, he obviously just bought it from someone who used a map skill on the place. That’s the kinda thing you can buy straight from the Guild. And it’s so accurate ’cause Niku and I double-checked it all. Am I right, girl?”

“Yes. We double-checked it.”

“Oh. That’s one way of doing it.” Whew! Ichika, nice save! You just earned your dinner back. And Niku, good job on playing along.

“Yeah, thanks to the Dragon I have plenty of spare cash.” Let’s go with that.

“Ye just buying the info and having other people check it sounds legit to me.”

“Agreed, it wouldn’t be hard for Keima to get it ready.”

Gozou and Roppe seemed to have fallen for it. Whew that was close. For a second I thought they’d figure out I was in with Ittetsu.

Once we were done with that slightly nerve-wracking lunch, we dove into the [Flame Caverns]. Though the area around the summit was technically part of the dungeon, just like the town was part of my dungeon, so accurately speaking we were already in it.

“By the way,” began Wataru, “Did you know Flame Dragons are said to be the children of flame spirits and Red Dragons? I read about it in the imperial capital’s library.”

“Huh. Guess that’s why they’re more fire elemental. Makes sense that a Red Dragon’d be invincible with a flame spirit’s power. Did ye know about that, Keima?”

“...I think a friend of mine may have mentioned it once.” I walked on, following Niku and Ichika from behind with Gozou and Roppe trailing to provide a rear guard. Wataru was in the center with me, but that was so he could react to threats from the front and back with equal speed. That was a big difference from me and my plan to do exactly nothing if anything happened. But well, my job was half over the moment I handed over the map. All that’s left is acting out the fake negotiations with Igni in the boss room.

Gozou and Niku sliced through Red Lizards, Ichika and Roppe dissected them to save space, and Wataru plopped them into {Storage}. Red Slimes were immune to physical damage, so Wataru beat them by just swinging his sword and hitting them with the resulting beam. Heroes and their Magic Blades sure were amazing. Oh, you’ll teach me how to use them too? Sweet. Here’s your chance to learn, Niku... use it well.

“Whew. That’s the third Red Slime so far.”

“Still less than normal, though. And it’s real easy cause they’re coming one at a time.”

I had Ittetsu put a smattering of monsters on the direct route through to serve as markers. That also avoided drawing suspicion from there being no battles, so it all worked out.

“Anyway, Keima, we’re gonna be relying on yer secret plan here... how about ye tell us what it is already?”

“You mentioned that we were going to negotiate, but that’s all. How exactly are you planning to do that?”

“Yeah. That’s what I wanna hear. Think about how we feel, not even knowin’ the plan that might get us killed.”

Only after Gozou and Wataru both brought it up did I remember I hadn’t given them the details on the plan yet. “Honestly, I’m surprised you both agreed with so few details.”

“That’s cause we believe in ye, Keima.” Huh, looks like even figureheads earn a lot of trust.

“Well, alright. Here’s my plan—take a look.” I took out the red chili paste I had stashed in my {Storage} earlier.

“That’s, uh... the chili paste ye were trying to get Ichika to eat, ain’t it? What about it?”

“I heard from a certain someone that Flame Dragons love beer and spicy stuff.” Incidentally, that certain someone was Narikin, or more accurately, Igni the actual Flame Dragon. There wasn’t a more reliable source of information you could hope for.

“I’ve got beer from my dungeon and plenty of spicy food handmade by Kinue in my {Storage}. Basically, we’ll bait the Dragon with its favorite stuff, tie it down once it’s drunk, and then force it to have a chat.” I took out Ittetsu’s Salamander Chains while I explained.

“What’re those? I’m feelin’ some mighty strong vibes from’m... and what’re they made of, anyway?”

“Let’s just say I got these from someone who knows a lot about Dragons.” I put the chains away after Gozou nodded and said they sure looked like they could tie up a Dragon.

“Alright... anyway, I want some of that beer too. Gimme some.”

“There will be plenty of the same beer at the feast that’ll be waiting for us. We’re working right now, stay focused.”

“Whew! Now we really gotta make this work. Am I right, Roppe? Wataru?”

“Beating a Dragon with beer’s the Team Bacchus way, really. You’re a clever guy, Keima,” nodded Roppe.

“Hey, that’s the Yamata no Orochi! I get it! Let’s get it drunk as heck!” That’s exactly right, Wataru. But don’t kill her, okay?

I ignored Wataru’s mention of the Japanese myth and kept walking. Eventually, we reached our destination: the boss room on the fifth floor.

“Oh, there it is.”

“Looks like it’s eatin’ a Red Minotaur... Is that this place’s normal boss?”

We opened the door and peered into the room, finding Igni in her Dragon form chewing on a Red Minotaur. For a second I wondered if it was fine for her to be eating a midboss, then remembered that basically all of the upper floors were Igni’s snack zone. What a costly daughter. Her Engel coefficient must be off the charts. Or wait, maybe it’s not that bad if they use Spawners?

“Hold on, Keima. I think I remember that Dragon.”

“Hm?” I didn’t expect Wataru’s comment.

“I never said anything since I wasn’t sure, but that’s definitely the Dragon I saw attack a carriage convoy on a city road earlier. I ended up nicking it on the neck, so maybe I shouldn’t be here for the negotiations.” Oh, that’s something that happened? Gotta say, I’m impressed Wataru managed to hurt a Dragon’s neck. He’s not a Hero for nothing... but, huh. A cut on her neck? That sounds kinda familiar, but whatever. I need to focus.

“I’ll go alone with Kuro first, then.”

“Sorry. I should have said something sooner.”

“Don’t sweat it. My first plan was me going alone with Kuro anyway. It’ll probably let its guard down if we go alone.” I want to make sure that Igni remembers the plan, too, so this is perfect.

“Wataru, I’m counting on you to step in if things go bad. I doubt it’ll kill us, but who knows what’ll happen if we tick it off enough to break down negotiations.”

“You can count on me. Even if it does kill you, I’ll be sure to grab your bones and use them to revive you later.” Wait, what? There’s revival magic in this world? “Oh, but the revival has a seventy-five percent chance of failing and costs ten thousand gold each try, but I’m sure you don’t mind if I keep going until it works.”

“...Yeah, if you’re the one paying.” Whew. That spell’s way above what most people can do. And dang, ten thousand gold is four times as much as Wataru’s total debt. That’d be a trillion yen or something. Oh... maybe the spell’s just a performance Haku puts on to gain the faith of her followers? Like, maybe she just uses a Doppelganger (500,000 DP) to pretend the person’s been revived. Any changes to personality or memory could be passed off as side effects from the resurrection, so yeah, who knows.

“Ngh... If I have to, I’ll take out a loan for it! I’ll cover the journey to the Holy Kingdom too!” Oh, great, the Church of Light is involved. Now that’s suspicious as hell. Don’t tell me the High Priestess is the only recorded case of a successful resurrection. She’s obviously a special case.

“Anyway, time for me to go. I’ll call you if the plan goes well.”

“Is this really a good idea?”

“Well, I’ve actually got another plan ready. This is one I really don’t want to show if I can help it. Alright, I’m shutting the door... Oh, by the way. Ichika should be able to tell through her collar if I do die. You can run away or follow after me, take your pick.”

“...Never thought about using slave collars like that before.” But indeed, slave collars unlocked themselves when the master died. Not that this trivia would be relevant here, since I wasn’t going to die.

“Keima, don’t tell me you kept these two as slaves just for that.” Nope, that’s actually so I can be sure they won’t spill any dungeon secrets.

“Also, if it goes well, I’ll squeeze Ichika’s collar twice to send a signal.”

“Whaaat?! Dude, be gentle! Please be gentle!”

“Wireless communication through slave collars...?! Keima, you’re setting up a Network of Slave Collars here!” That sounds like the title of a bad sci-fi novel.

＊ ＊ ＊

Anyway, I entered the boss room with Niku and shut the door. Whew... Finally, I can breathe a little.

“Oh! Welc—”

“Please, oh wise and mighty Dragon! Please listen to our pleas! And... I’m with a Hero, remember? I told you this.” I shouted as loud as I could to block Igni’s greeting. The second half was all in whispers.

I glanced at Niku. She shook her head. That was her signal that she didn’t understand what Igni had said. In other words, Igni was speaking in Dragon language. Incidentally, she would have hit my leg to stop me if she couldn’t understand me either, but I successfully spoke in human speech. Either way, we’re walking a thin line with the Hero’s automatic translator here.

“Ah! Oh, right!” Igni lowered her voice. Incidentally, maybe thanks to the auto translator, Igni’s Dragon voice sounded the same as she did when she was in human form. To me, at least.

“I shut the door, but talk quietly. Just in case.”

“Okay... Oh, should I morph and talk in human language?” Igni wiped the minotaur blood off her mouth.

“No need for that. I told you to hide the fact you could transform into a human until you left and came back, right?”

“Oh, right! Also, I can talk in human language in Dragon form too. I’m not like a dumb Wyvern!”

I knew that from Rokuko. True Dragons could talk human language.

“Well, talk to everyone but me in human language, then. That’ll be more natural.”

“Okay... Oh! Ummm, I forgot to say the greeting you taught me yesterday.”

“You sure did. Go ahead, say it loud enough for them to hear behind the door. In human language, of course.”

“Okaaay... Nmm. Very bold of you to interrupt my sleep, tiny one! What brings you to my domain?”

I glanced at Niku, who nodded. Seemed like that was in proper human language.

“Oh mighty Dragon! I have brought offerings suitable for your stature!” I took out the barrels of beer I had stashed in my {Storage}.

“I see! Offerings! Er... Um, uncle. You sure I can drink these? They look super tasty.” Don’t drop the act out of nowhere.

“You know we have Ittetsu’s permission for all this. Just don’t drink so much you forget the plan, alright?”

“Okay. Ummm, right, gotta continue... Oho! I see this is beer!” The problem was, her lines felt kind of deadpan. I was starting to get nervous that they would realize she was acting.

“Please drink your utmost fill! And have these as well!”

“Th-Those... look super red! I love them!” Igni’s Dragon eyes shone. Hold up, your true personality is showing.

“It is known as red chili paste! I heard that Dragons love spicy food!”

“Uh, uh, uh-huh, we totally d— Y-You have chosen wisely! Very wisely, perhaps!” She remembered mid-sentence that she was supposed to be acting and hurriedly corrected herself.

Incidentally, she was speaking in a kind of formal tone that Ittetsu had said would make her appear a lot more dignified and intimidating. The fact he just said “appear” and not “be” was probably because Igni was still only a young girl Dragon at just three hundred years of age. That said, given that the Dragon King is a dungeon core too, he probably wasn’t more than a thousand years old. I wonder if he gets treated like a prince instead. Maybe he’s like a young twenty-year old hero king.

“Nom, nom, mmm, so good! So spicy! So gooood! Th-This sure goes nice with Minotaur meat!” My random thoughts were interrupted by Igni loudly chewing on the Red Minotaur covered in red chili paste. She washed it all down by chugging beer from a barrel.

“All you need to do is get the smell of beer on you so you can pretend to be drunk, alright? Don’t drink too much.”

“I knoooow, c’mon. Nmm, nmm, fwaaah! This beer tastes great too! I could drink it all day!” Well, it is in fact the best beer I can buy from the Catalog... It’s high-grade sake. And a whole barrel of it, too.

Also, holy crap, Minotaur meat cooked by Igni’s fire smells so freaking good. Someone gimme some white rice, I wanna go to town.

“...Master.”

“Yeah.” Niku was drooling too, so we decided to eat as well. It had taken a decent amount of time to get here after eating lunch. And I always brought some DP around with me for safety’s sake, so I went ahead and bought white rice and some tare sauce for both of us.

“Oh? What, you’re gonna eat too, uncle?”

“Give us some of that Minotaur. We got hungry watching you.”

“Sure! Oh, one more Minotaur, please! I want another Minotaur!” Ittetsu must have been listening in. Another Red Minotaur was summoned into the room, then immediately killed by Igni. Niku sliced off some of the meat, and Igni heated it up for us. This is survival of the fittest. This is nature’s law of the strong eating the weak. And thus, we eat Minotaur steak.

“...It tastes, good.”

“Yep, pretty dang good.” Niku and I chewed away at our steaks. And while we ate, Igni chugged the beer.

............... .........

Whew, that was some good eating. I’m stuffed. Niku seems satisfied too. I wiped her mouth for her with a handkerchief. Then mine. Meat and rice really did go together well. Oh, {Purification}, {Purification}, Pur- Wait, I shouldn’t cast it on Igni. Leaving the beer smell will be important for later.

...Wait, she somehow drank five whole barrels while we were eating. Isn’t that kind of a crazy speed? Nervous, I asked Igni. “Hey, Igni. Are you okay?”

“Srbroo I’m shoo okaaay!” Yeah, she’s not okay. The silver lining was that, according to Niku, she was still talking in Dragon language.

I took my Salamander Chains out of {Storage}. She was drunk enough for this stage of the plan.

“Ah! Wh-Why do you have those, uncle...?!”

“Okaaay, just let me chain you uuup. Be a good giiirl.”

“Oh, right, it’s our plan. Go ahead, tie me up. I promised I’d let you!”

“Don’t mention the plan to anyone. Okay? It’s a promise.”

“Uh huh, it’s a promiiiise!”

“Are you ready? This was all a warm up for the real plot, really.”

“I’ll be fiiiine.” I dunno about that.

But in any case, once Igni was chained up I sent the signal for Ichika’s collar to squeeze. Twice, and gently. That was what we had agreed upon. It wasn’t long before Wataru opened the door and came inside.

“Are you alright? Wait... this is...”

“...Ye actually got the Flame Dragon chained up...”

“I’d say I was impressed if I hadn’t already expected you to win.”

“And this’s why I was saying Master would be just fine, bros.” Ichika spoke while rubbing her neck a little. “...Is it just me or does it smell hella tasty in here, huh? Master?”

I used my right to remain silent.

“Good job, Keima. I guess it’s time to negotiate?”

“Yep. It’s all ready for you. Point your sword right at it, Wataru, and say the words. ‘Get out of here!’ Your sword hurt its neck before, so it’ll know you’re being serious!”

“...Okay. I hate to steal all the credit from you, but I know this is a dangerous job.” Hey, don’t sweat it, my man. I don’t want any glory; you can have it all for yourself.

“Dragon! Listen to me!”

“Nhaaah...?”

Wataru thrust his sword in Igni’s direction. “Either you die here, or you leave the mountain. Take your pick.” Oh, he said the exact line I told him to. Now all Igni has to say is “Oh no, I’ve lost! I’ll leave the mountain.”

# Igni’s Perspective

A sword pointed her way. “Either you die here, or you leave the mountain. Take your pick.”

Oh, I remember this question. I think I should say I’ll leave the mountain. And so, Igni opened her mouth to answer... only to notice that it was Wataru pointing his sword at her.

“...Ah! S-So you have, nm, ahem. So you have come! As promised, I will welcome you!” roared Igni in Wataru’s direction, still constrained by Ittetsu’s chains.

“Do you know what situation you’re in?”

“Oh, right. I’ll get everything ready.” Igni’s head was full of welcoming Wataru. Hm? What’s with these chains? They’re in my way. Hmph! Igni tensed her body as hard as she could, blasting the chains into red dust within a single moment.

“Ngh! Everyone, fall back!” shouted Wataru, and everyone there—excluding Wataru and Keima—jerked with fear.

“Ngh, I can’t move! Ye gods, this pressure...! This is a true Dragon...!”

“So much pressure just from building up power...! This thing’s a monster!”

“I didn’t expect this...”

“Holy FRIGGIN’ crackers this is scary! I dunno if I’ve ever been so friggin’ scared I can’t even move before!”

Gozou, Roppe, Niku, and Ichika all tensed up. Igni panicked a little after seeing that. It was then that she realized she hadn’t put on the bracelet that contained her power.

“Hold up, guys!”

“Get back, Keima! Uwooooh!” Wataru charged forward, slashing at Igni. That made her happy. She interpreted that as him wanting to be welcomed with a fight. Redra had done the same when welcoming her daughter back. Okay, let’s show each other what we’ve got!

“Gaaahahaha! Come at me, little one! Show me your poweeer!” Igni laughed, feeling great.

# Keima’s Perspective

Red flames burst from the Flame Dragon’s chin as it prepared to breathe fire onto the Hero. But the Hero noticed and slid beneath the Dragon’s head to slam the hilt of his blade up against its chin. Fire exploded within the Dragon’s forcibly shut mouth. But Flame Dragons were avatars of fire. Not even the most powerful fire in the world—not even their own fire breath could hurt them. To the Flame Dragon, it was as if they had sighed with their mouth shut and nothing more.

“Leave this to me, everyone! Get out of here!”

“How are you gonna handle this?!”

“I’m going to... defeat the Dragon!” The Hero faced the enormous Dragon without taking a single step back, for behind him were his allies. “I’ll be fine! Dooon’t worry, I’m sure it’ll calm down once I cut off its tail and make a steak!” He joked, and the Dragon spat out fire as if laughing.

“Graaah! You amuse me! Let us see if your bite can live up to your bark! Ahaha, what a fantastic day! I will be forever grateful for this chance encounter! Now, let us have our fun!”

“You should know just how dangerous my bite is! Don’t tell me you forgot who put that scratch on your neck!”

“Oh, I remember! And that is exactly why I am so overjoyed! You are strong, and that is what I love! Let’s see if you can keep up with me, little one...! And try not to die!”

“UWOOOOOH!”

The Dragon and Hero bantered among each other. It was as if they were speaking dialogue straight from a play. It was a scene of legends, fit for the Hero’s courage. Indeed, we were bearing witness to the birth of a legend...

...Or at least, I wish that’s what I was thinking. Instead, my mind was filled with one thought as I vacantly watched Igni and Wataru battle at superhuman levels: How did everything go so wrong? We were almost there, then Igni ruined it all. What got into her? Why is she acting like a cheap villain with all that “Show me your power!” junk?

“C’mon, Keima, we gotta get outta here! We’re just gonna be dead weight to him!”

“Ahhh, yeah, right...” Oh, now I get it. Wataru’s the guy Ittetsu was talking about, the one that cut Igni. Guess I can’t blame her for going nuts here. To be honest, she looks like her one true love came knocking to marry her.

“You don’t even care, do you, Keima? If I had balls, I’d wish they were as big as yours,” said Roppe.

“Yeah, that’s just how Master is,” said Ichika with a shrug.

“We’re very proud of him,” added Niku.

Gozou grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the Boss Room. Alright, what to do now. Just kidding. I made a plan B with Ittetsu specifically for this situation. He’s probably gonna try to kick the shit out of Wataru for hurting his daughter, but well, I’m sure Wataru will survive. And I can trust Ittetsu to hold back on hurting one of my allies. Definitely. For sure. I mean, maybe he won’t. Maybe a one percent chance of him letting loose. Maybe.

“Listen up, team. I’ve actually got one more trick up my sleeve. Now’s as good a time as any to pull it out.”

“Oh! R-Right, ye mentioned somethin’ like that.”

“Conveniently, there’s a tiny room nearby. Let’s move there for safety first.” I guided Gozou and the others to the small room, thereby removing all invaders from the passageway, which would allow Ittetsu to place himself there. I then took out a scroll with what looked like a summoning circle on it from {Storage} and threw it into the hall.

A storm of fire circled in the hall. White smoke flew into the air, blocking our vision. When it cleared there was a giant lizard the size of a small truck in the hallway—Ittetsu the Salamander. His red scales were evidence of his fire attunement. He was covered in intimidating scars, but he was actually a gentle giant. And right after being summoned...

“Fuckin’ idiot! Summon me faster!” He yelled before charging into the room where Igni and Wataru were fighting. Hmm, I wonder which of them he’s rushing to beat the crap out of. Probably Wataru, since he was listening in?

“K-Keima? The hell was that?” asked Gozou hesitantly.

“...Uhhh, he’s a friend of mine.”

“Oh, crap. Heeey, Wataru! That lizard guy’s a friend, don’t hurt him!”

“Wha?! Oh, sorry!”

“Guh?!” I peeked into the Boss Room and saw that I was a second too late. Wataru had just landed a clean hit on Ittetsu. Probably a counter, by the looks of it. Unsurprisingly, Igni had frozen up after seeing it.

“Alright, Wataru! Come over here!”

“Whaaa?! B-But the Dragon...!”

“Don’t worry about it! C’mere! Ittetsu, you take care of the Flame Dragon!”

“Beh, guh, th-that kinda hurt... Tch, alright! Leave her to me!” He held up his claw like one might give a thumbs up, which was quite dependable. I heard that tongue click, though. Seemed like he was rushing to beat up Wataru after all.

“Don’t mess with my life! Go away, Da—”

“GRAAAAH!”

“Nghaah?!” Before Igni could finish saying “Dad,” Ittetsu gave her a punch to the cheek.

“Why would you do that?! You jerk!” She lifted up her log-like tail and slammed it against Ittetsu.

“That fuckin’ hurts! Just shut it already!” But Ittetsu took the blow without flinching. He said it hurt, but it sure didn’t look like it. I’m guessing a human hit by that tail would’ve been sent flying until they slammed against the wall and turned into paste, yeah? Dads sure are strong.

And so, another inhuman battle began between Ittetsu and Igni... literally inhuman this time. It was like two giant monsters fighting in a movie, but I ignored that and focused on dragging Wataru out of the Boss Room. Once out, I shut the door behind us.

“E-Er, Keima? What in the world was that...?”

“That, my friend, was my backup plan. I mentioned it on the way here, remember?”

“Ohhh... I do remember you talking about having another plan. But, er, that was actually it?”

“Hey, would I lie to you? That was my trump card.” I cracked open the Boss Room door and peered inside. Ittetsu was in the middle of executing what strongly resembled a Kubi-Nage judo throw on Igni. Wow, he’s got some skill.

I kept watching the action for a bit, until eventually Gozou clapped a hand down on my shoulder. “Hey, Keima. Y’know, I’m just askin’ this to be sure, but uh, would that happen to be Salamander, the spirit of fire?”

“Well, he’s definitely a Salamander. We’re buds,” I answered, which made Gozou’s eyes shoot wide open in surprise.

“Y-Y-Ye, ye gotta be kiddin’ me! That’s friggin’ Salamander! The spirit o’ fire itself!”

“Hey, don’t yell in my ear like that. I can hear you just fine already.”

“Water, earth, fire, air. Each of the four primary elements are ruled by spirits, and Salamander’s the spirit of fire! He’s a legend that even kids know about! And yer friends with ’im?!” Uhhh, he’s actually a Salamander-type Dungeon Core, so I’m not entirely sure what to say about that. You’re making it sound like there’s just one Salamander, but uh... Huh.

“Salamander... I see. Flame Dragons are pure fire, which means they won’t be able to lay a scratch on Salamander.” Wataru analyzed the situation calmly.

“Ah, friggin’ hell! Yer always surprisin’ me Keima, but not even I expected ye to have an ace like this up yer sleeve! To think you’ve got Salamander servin’ y—”

“Hey, fuckin’ dwarf! I can hear you, and I’m not fuckin’ serving anybody!”

“Gaaah! F-Forgive me, Salamander! I, er, I meant to say to think ye DON’T have Salamander servin’ ye!”

Ittetsu had surprisingly sharp ears, and Gozou instinctively threw himself on the ground to apologize after getting yelled at. Despite the fact that said ground was extremely hot. It wasn’t on the level of a heated frying pan, but it was at least as hot as a sauna.

“Dwarves live in such close harmony with fire and earth that they owe fealty to Salamander the spirit of fire and Gnome the spirit of earth,” explained Wataru.

“By the way, you just punched him hard in the mouth.”

“He’s the one who rushed me down out of nowhere! My body reacted before I could think! Help me apologize to him, Keima!”

“Sure, but that’ll be another favor you owe me.” I glanced back in the room and saw that Ittetsu was holding Igni down against the ground. Alright, should be safe to go in there now.

“Anyway, don’t worry, Ittetsu’s nicer than he looks. I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” After a few punches, at least.

# Ittetsu’s Perspective

Ittetsu, having finally been called over by Keima and given the opportunity to act, charged into the Boss Room. But his first target was the human called Wataru. Reason being, according to what he had heard, Wataru was the man who had hurt Igni’s neck—in other words, the man she had fallen in love with at first sight.

“Take thiiiis!”

“Huh?!”

Ittetsu launched a full-powered punch straight with his right fist (clawed foot). By the time he realized that such a blow would crush a human to bits and started to reconsider, his fist was already inches away from Wataru. But Wataru instantly crouched to dodge the blow and get up close to Ittetsu. Oh yeah, I just saw ’im do this to Igni. This guy’s good at getting up close and—

“Heeey, Wataru! That lizard guy’s a friend, don’t hurt him!” Keima called out.

“Wha?! Oh, sorry!”

“Guh?!” Out went the uppercut. The fact it hit harder than anything Ittetsu would expect from a human probably had to do with his own momentum. It felt like a stake had been driven into his skull. Which, thinking about it, meant that the human’s fist was strong enough to halt the full weight of Ittetsu’s body and send him flying.

“Alright, Wataru! Come over here!”

“Whaaa?! B-But the Dragon...!”

“Don’t worry about it! C’mere! Ittetsu, you take care of the Flame Dragon!”

“Beh, guh, th-that kinda hurt... Tch, alright! Leave her to me!” Ngh, I didn’t expect a counter like that. Not wanting to show the pathetic tears in his eyes, Ittetsu gave a thumbs up without turning around.

“Don’t mess with my life! Go away, Da—”

“GRAAAAH!”

“Nghaah?!” Ittetsu gave Igni a hard hit to the cheek before she could say something incriminating.

“Why would you do that?! You jerk!”

“That fuckin’ hurts! Just shut it already!” Igni was going on one of her usual rampages. The scars covering Ittetsu’s body had all come from Igni. Raising children was a battle (literally), and he was used to fighting her by now.

Keima shut the door to the Boss Room. With that Hero named Wataru out of the room, Ittetsu could finally talk to Igni. He went ahead and used Dragon language just to be safe.

“Heya, Igni, all awake now? Huh?”

“What’re you talking about, Dad...? I’m not half-asleep or anything!”

“Hahaha! But you fuckin’ threw Keima’s plan into the gutter.”

“Th-That was just... I mean, I didn’t expect Wataru to come! I promised him I’d welcome him, and he was getting into it too! Also, um, he was talking about eating my tail and everything... Squee!” Igni wiggled her massive Dragon body in excitement. She was indeed the very image of a girl in love.

“Huh?! That fucker didn’t just cut your neck, he was talkin’ about that kinda junk?!” Indeed. In the Dragon world, eating parts of somebody’s body carried quite a lewd connotation. It was a declaration that you would be dominating them and making them yours. Put in more simple terms, it was a proposal. Not many Dragons actually chopped off and ate parts of each other, but Dragon tails did regrow if only a small part was cut off, so when the eating did happen it was with tails. There was Restoration Magic, too.

“That’s not happenin’ in a million years!”

“Why not?! He just knocked your lights out! Wataru’s strong! He’s special!”

“Shut iiiit!” Ittetsu threw Igni over his shoulder to shut her up.

“Nghaah!”

“I know there’s some strong humans, alright? I get it.”

“Th-Then what’s the problem...?”

“I don’t like ’im! My soul’s screaming at me to tell ’im to buzz off!” Ittetsu was throwing a fatherly temper tantrum. At which point, he heard the dwarf from before—“To think you’ve got Salamander...” Oh, crap, the door’s open. When’d that happen?

“Hey, fuckin’ dwarf! I can hear you, and I’m not fuckin’ serving anybody!”

“Gaaah! F-Forgive me, Salamander! I, er, I meant to say to think ye DON’T have Salamander servin’ ye!” Ittetsu roared on instinct to give himself some cover. That worked, right? Yeah, for sure.

“Tch, we’ll talk later. Igni, just be quiet and lemme hold you down.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Don’t nuh-uh me. Y’know our plan’s been ruined ’cause of you, right?”

“I’ll do it if you let me and Wataru be together.”

“...Alright, I’ll think about it.”

“Really?!”

“Really. Oh, I’ll think about it alright. So let’s get this plan back on track. Sound good?”

“Okay!”

I’m gonna think about it, but I’m sure as hell not gonna let it happen, thought Ittetsu with a dark grin on the inside. He pinned Igni down, and it wasn’t long before Keima walked in with his companions.

“Heeey, everything alright in here?”

“Yeah, just take a look. Alright! Listen up, Flame Dragon? You wanna die here or you wanna leave the mountain? Pick reaaal careful now!”

“Ngh, grrr... I-I’ll leav— Mm? Mmmm? Wait, now that I think about it, you never actually said you’d accept us!” Oh no. Ittetsu’s daughter, who was only sometimes smart in the weirdest of ways, began to snarl. If only she had noticed after everything was over.

“YOU TRICKED MEEEEE!” She roared, shooting fire right at the ceiling. It looked white, a sign that she was actually pissed. Ittetsu put a hand (claw) on his head.

“Uh, Ittetsu, what’s all that about?”

“My bad, Keima. Looks like I didn’t get through to her. I’m gonna try and do some fist therapy, gimme whatever help you can.” We’ve gotta knock her out and drag her away from the mountain! I dunno how much help you’ll be, Keima, but try not to die!

# Keima’s Perspective

“Help me, Wataru! Destroy that Salamander!” roared Igni.

“What?!” Wataru faltered, having not expected his enemy to name him like that. The fact she called Ittetsu “that Salamander” instead of “Dad” showed she was at least still self-aware of their plan.

“Huh?! The fuck’re you saying?!”

“Shut up, shut up! I saw you try to hit Wataru a second ago! I know you’re going to try to hit him again once he lets his guard down around you! We were just having fun with our fight, too! Don’t get in our way! If you wanna butt in, beat me first! I’ll listen to you if you can beat me!” Igni exploded into a little girl’s tantrum.

“Are you fuckin’ for real?! Alriiight, I’ll take you up on that! Let’s beat the crap outta both of them! Gimme your help, Keima!” Ittetsu reacted in turn. Wataru and I felt pretty out of the loop, but...

“Okay, Wataru?! It’s a truce for now! We can fight together! Don’t worry, we can win if we help each other! I’ll make him listen to us once we win!”

“Huh?! You’ll make him, listen to us? Uhhh... Hm.” Wataru, despite his hesitation, pointed his sword to Ittetsu.

“Uh, Wataru? Why are you joining the Flame Dragon’s side?”

“Er, well. Because I nearly died when Salamander attacked me...? And it definitely feels like he’s gonna try that again. Also, this Dragon really does seem like a good one... I’m sure she’ll promise not to do anything bad again once we win.”

“Yeah! I promise not to do anything bad!”

“Well, there you have it.”

Oh man. Wataru the Hero is teaming up with Igni the Flame Dragon.

“Alright, Keima! That means I can beat the human up, right? He seems pretty tough. You don’t mind if I go a liiittle hard on him, yeah?”

“...Uh, could you tell me why the Flame Dragon is pissed at you, Ittetsu? Did you touch her reversed scale when holding her down?”

“Guh?! You fuckin’, what?! As if! Look, a Dragon’s reversed scale is kinda like, uhhh, a human n-nipple? It’s sensitive, and like...” Alright, I’m going to stop listening. Thanks for the information I really didn’t want or need to hear. Incidentally, Dragons were born from eggs and thus had neither belly buttons nor nipples. That was yet more useless information that Rokuko found glee in shoving down my throat against my will.

“So, why’s she pissed?”

“...She, uh, she fell in love with that human.” Ittetsu pointed at Wataru while whispering quietly enough that only I could hear.

“Wait, like at first sight? When did that happen? I thought she was pissed at him for cutting her neck.”

“Oh, didn’t I mention it? Igni was talking about how she fell in love with the human that managed to actually hurt her. So, uh...” Okay, okay. I get it. Basically, right now... a daughter is dragging her boyfriend (?) into a fight with her dad. Good grief. I finally get what’s going on and it’s a disaster.

“Anyway, so that’s why I wanna beat up that Wataru guy. Gimme a hand in kicking his shit in.”

“I think you have your priorities in the wrong order.” I shook my head at Ittetsu. Really, I wasn’t sure what to do. I needed to think over the situation first.

“...Uhhh, sorry everyone, could you go back to the small room?” I said to Gozou, Roppe, Ichika, and Niku. “This is getting pretty complex and I’m not sure what’s gonna happen out here.”

“Er, well, sure. To be honest with ye I’m pretty darn lost here and dunno whose side I should be on. I’m just gonna let ye take care o’ this, Keima.”

“Same here,” said Roppe. “I feel like we’d just end up as dead weight.”

“Master, I’ll stay with you.”

“C’mon, girl. Master’s saying now’s not our time to shine, we just gotta suck it up and go.”

And so the four of them returned to the small room, leaving only the relevant parties behind. One Dragon, one lizard, and two humans.

“Alright, the dead weight’s outta the way. Let’s get this show on the fuckin’ road.” Ittetsu cracked his knuckles.

“Uh-huh. I’ve been wanting to settle the score between us for a long time.” Igni spread her Dragon wings.

“I don’t really know what’s going on, but I guess I’m fighting Keima now? Let’s do this.” Wataru lifted his sword, full of motivation for some reason.

“Hold up, guys.”

“Fuckin’ why?”

“Why!”

“Why...?”

I stopped the fight, earning three confused looks from people (?) who really wanted to fight. Uh, guys? I seriously don’t get why you all want to start fighting so much. Sheesh. Anyway, I started listing out everyone’s victory conditions in my head.

Ittetsu: Beat the crap out of Wataru. Enemies: Wataru.

Igni: Start dating Wataru. Enemies: Ittetsu.

Wataru: Put an end to Igni’s reign of destruction. Enemies: Igni, technically, but they’re temporarily allied.

Me: Get Igni away from the mountain, temporarily, with the Hero as a witness. Enemies: None.

To add onto that... if Igni defeats Ittetsu, she’ll stop destroying things due to her promise with Wataru. If Ittetsu defeats Igni, she’ll have to listen to what her dad says, which also means she’ll stop destroying things (around here, anyway). If Wataru gets defeated, then the father and daughter will work things out among themselves as family. In the event that Ittetsu can’t calm Igni down, they’ll just fight until she’s satisfied.

Alright. As far as I can tell, I end up fine no matter who wins. The best course of action here is clear.

“I think I’m just gonna referee this. Fight!” I declared, moving to a corner of the room.

“What?! The fuck’re you doing, Keima?!”

“Yeah! At least help us stop Salamander!”

Ittetsu and Wataru protested my exit from the fight, but I didn’t care.

“Eeek, this is such a scary fiiight. I’m just too scared to joooin. I’m just gonna sit it ooout, to be saaafe.”

“What’s with that monotone?! Keima, are you really backing out this late in the mission?!”

“Whoa there, Wataru. Shouldn’t you be focusing on someone else?”

“Huh? Whoa!” Wataru twisted his body, narrowly avoiding a fist (clawed foot) that shot through the air where his head used to be.

“Tch, I missed.”

“Salamander! Why are you even mad at me?!”

“Look inside your heart to find out, ya little punk! Hmph!” He launched another fist at Wataru, but...

“I’m not gonna let you hit him!” Igni jumped in the way and blocked the fist herself. The room shook with vibrations, as if a crate of fireworks had been set off right in front of us. That was a pretty strong punch. I guess Ittetsu’s not holding back at all. Wataru’s actually gonna die if he gets hit, huh?

“Whoa there! How am I gonna hit him if you get in my way like that?!”

“I’m telling you to stop! Ow, ow... Take this!” Igni swung her tail horizontally. But Wataru was in its path too.

“Ahhh! M-Miss Dragon?! That almost hit me!”

“Oh, sorry Wataru! That wasn’t on purpose.”

“Gahaha! Already having a lover’s spat, huh? Perfect, keep it up!” Ittetsu caught Igni’s tail and cackled with amusement at his daughter having a hard time with her boyfriend (?). Y’know, this is actually kinda fun when you’re watching from a distance.

The intense battle continued on for thirty minutes. I watched from afar, never interfering and only moving to dodge some wayward fire breath. I did have some Restoration Magic ready to cast just in case, but that was it. And I could only cast the low-rank {Light Heal} since I was {Ultra Transformed} into myself.

“Haaa, haa... Ngh, this is actually, pretty rough...!” Wataru was covered in wounds, the most hurt of any of them. Most of his damage came from Igni tackling him out of the way of Ittetsu’s blows. Also getting wrapped up in Igni’s area of effect attacks. The fact she didn’t intend to hurt him actually made things worse, since he couldn’t anticipate her attacks. Not to mention that he couldn’t go all-out in his own attacks against Ittetsu, since he wasn’t even sure why Ittetsu was attacking him.

“Ngh, fuck, and I’m hurting all over too!” Ittetsu was so exhausted he was actually spitting blood. He hadn’t landed a single blow on Wataru since Igni had protected him from every single one. Although that technically meant he was inflicting indirect damage on Wataru through Igni’s tackles, he would only be satisfied by a direct punch to the face.

“Grrr... Just a little more, just a little more...!” Igni had taken a lot of damage herself from blocking so many of Ittetsu’s blows. There was also the psychological damage from all the times she accidentally hit Wataru, but well, who really cared about that.

To summarize: All three of them were exhausted, drained of energy, and hurt all over. Any of them would fall over from the next solid blow that hit them. It was a disaster zone. And suddenly, for some reason, all three of them looked my way.

“Huh...? Y’know, you’re the only one still lookin’ fresh, Keima...”

“You’re right... I’m not so sure that’s fair, Keima.”

“Aah... Ahhh, Wataru, you... just now, you made a good point.”

Whoa, hold up, why are all three of them looking at me like I killed their mothers? I’m just a referee here. Not that I’ve made any rulings or anything. All three of them had a strange glimmer in their eyes. Kind of like lions about to pounce on their prey.

“Keima, get ready!” Ittetsu charged at me for some reason.

“I’m gonna beat the crap outta you!” And Igni.

“I’ll hold back, don’t worry!” Aaand Wataru.

“Hold on, you guys! I said I’ve got nothing to do with this! I’m just the referee!”

“No sweat, Keima! This won’t be breaking the rules if there’s no referee!” I used my Golem assistance to dodge to the side right before Ittetsu’s fist crashed down where I used to be, shattering the stone ground.

“C’mon! That could’ve killed me!”

“Don’t worry, I’m holdin’ back!” You destroyed the floor!

“GrrraaAAAAAAAH!” White flames came rushing toward me. I instinctively ducked behind Ittetsu. He stood in place to block the flames (probably realizing that they actually would kill me), but the air still got incredibly hot.

“The fuck’re you doing, you trying to actually kill ’im?! Hold back a little more if you want him to live!”

“Wait, that was too much?!” said Igni in a dumbfounded tone after halting her fire breath.

“At least keep it red!” He was probably referring to red fire. But, uh, fire’s still fire, that’d kill me too.

“That means it’s my turn. Prepare yourself, Keima!” Wataru circled around Ittetsu to charge at me. He’s swinging that sword pretty hard, is he serious about this? I thought while using Golem Assistance to dodge. If not for the orichalcum supporting it, the reaction speed might’ve been too slow to save my life.

“Seriously, man?! Are you trying to kill me?!”

“Haha, sorry, I’m a little too tired to hold back! But looks like that isn’t a problem! I knew you were hiding your full power, Keima!” Uh, looks like Wataru’s so tired he’s actually going crazy.

“Okay, now that you know you can’t hold back, how about you just take a rest? Alright?!”

“Hahaha, but I’m so full of energy!” Oh no, Wataru’s snapped. I guess having a fight with a Dragon and a Salamander was a bit too heavy to escape without some psychological damage.

“Alriiight, time for me to fuckin’ get back to it! Don’t think I’m letting you get away from this!” Ittetsu stood up on his hind legs and fell forward to crush me.

“Whoa, ngh, what’s wrong with all of you?!” I reached out and blocked Ittetsu’s fall, which was only possible thanks to my Golem assistance. The weight definitely would have been too much to bear without the orichalcum, and I used Ittetsu’s momentum to throw him toward Wataru.

“Whoa there.”

“Not fuckin’ bad, Keima!”

Wataru smoothly dodged and Ittetsu landed with his tail.

“I’ll help too! Take thiiis!” I heard the heavy thumping of Igni stomping her way toward me from behind. Flames were licking out of her mouth like tongues. With her there, I was surrounded on all sides by the three of them.

“H-Hold on, isn’t three-on-one a little cowardly?! At least fight me one-on-one!”

“We’re all fuckin’ exhausted, this is an equal fight!”

“Like hell it is! I’m just a normal guy, every single one of you is stronger than me, exhausted or not!”

“I don’t think a normal guy could throw Salamander like that,” said Wataru while dashing toward me. But he wasn’t holding his sword, which made me realize something.

Wouldn’t just letting myself lose be the best thing here? Out of everyone here, I got the feeling Wataru would hold back the most. He had sheathed his sword, after all. I should just let him hit me and use that as an excuse to leave! I’ve got no time and no other options; this is all I can do.

I immediately set the plan into motion.

“I set aside my sword, just like you asked. We can fight with our fists!”

“Alright! I’ll start by crushing you, Wataru! Hyaaaah!” I back stepped away from Ittetsu and Igni, drawing Wataru toward me as I assumed a fighter pose.

“Haaaaah!”

“UWOOOO— Ah.”

“Wha?!”

Before I realized what was happening, my body moved on its own. I swiped Wataru’s right fist with the back of my readied left hand like a first-class grappler, knocking it away. That was a move taken from Misha, Haku’s subordinate and the guildmaster of the imperial capital’s Adventurer’s Guild. I had observed Misha training and implemented all her moves into my Wearable Golem. That was also how I had been able to throw Ittetsu like that.

“Uh.”

“GUH!”

Misha’s attack didn’t stop with just a swipe. The mark of a first-class fighter is combining offense with defense. Swiping Wataru’s hand sent his momentum to the left, leaving his face defenseless against my right fist as it slammed into his nose and sent him flying. Whoopsie.

“Guh...”

“W-Wataru?! W-WATARUUUU!” All the damage he had taken from Igni was just too much. Wataru sunk to the stone floor. “WATARUUUUUUUU!”

“Gahaha! Good goin’, Keima! I feel a little better now!” Ittetsu cackled in amusement as Igni screamed Wataru’s name.

“Crap, what’ve I done?! I was supposed to lose and get out of here!”

“GRAAAAH! I’ll avenge you, Wataruuu!” Igni charged at me.

“H-Hold on! There’s no need for us to fight anymore, right?! Calm down!”

“How dare you hurt my husband!” She seemed to be a little hysterical. But since I was {Ultra Transformed}, it might actually be a good idea to let her crush me and just revive later.

“(Master, please dodge it!)”

“Wha?!” I reflexively dodged as the voice in my head asked, dashing forward between her legs the second before a foot crushed me. I raced back to her tail, surprised at how much of an action movie movement that had been. Igni stomped through where I had been moments prior.

“Oh crap, I totally forgot about you, Kosaki.”

“That’s terrible, Master! I admire that you’re prepared to die, but I don’t want to get crushed alongside you!” The Succubus ring on my left ring finger lectured me, and I learned from my mistakes.

“Uh, Keima, is your hand fuckin’ talking?”

“Uhhhh, this is one of my allies.”

“That’s a fuckin’ weird ally. But now it’s two-on-two!” Ittetsu lined up next to Igni, who had turned back around.

“Can’t we just stop this already? Also, I think it’s wrong to count a ring as a fighter in this.” I guess I could use Kosaki to transform into a Succubus here. Core 219 back in Tsia already knows about it, so using charms wouldn’t be leaking any secrets. Maybe it could work out... Wait, no, I won’t be able to use my Golem assistance while transformed. And will Igni or Ittetsu even be susceptible to charms? We’re talking about a spirit and a Dragon here.

“(What do you think, Kosaki? Will your charms work on them?)”

“(...I dunno, to be honest. Long-lived creatures end up with a lot of resistances. I could give a hard answer if I were possessing you, juuust saying.)” I got the powers of a Succubus Queen when possessed, but I couldn’t use them recklessly. If they didn’t work, I’d just be embarrassing myself in front of everyone. But, well, I guess I wasn’t in a situation where I could afford to hold back.

“(Just follow my lead, alright?)”

“(Roger dodgeeer!)” Kosaki shot back an eager reply. Yeaaah, I’m getting kind of nervous about this.

“Hold on! This is a spirit I hired as my body guard. You can guess that she’s pretty strong!”

“Huh? A fuckin’ spirit? What, is she the spirit of rings?”

“No. She’s the... spirit of the Darkness element? I think?”

“I’m the spirit of sleep! You’re both gonna be in a world of hurt if you touch my Master! Bam-bam! Whack, smack! I bet you couldn’t even see my arms moving!” Kosaki played the part of a tough bodyguard. I guess she was pretending to shadowbox. Which meant that, indeed, nobody saw her arms moving.

“...Wha? Did you do something?” Naturally, Igni tilted her head in confusion. The answer was no, Kosaki had not done something.

“Hah, so you couldn’t. Dragons aren’t that strong after all. If I were serious... you both would’ve died five times by now.”

“Holy cow! You must be really strong!” Uh, I think Kosaki’s going a little bit too far.

“(Hey, you’re getting too excited.)”

“(What? I thought you wanted me to taunt them and everything. Ummm, what should I do?)” That’s what I want to know. How can we get out of this mess... Actually, is this even a mess? I guess it has given everyone time to calm down. Maybe Ittetsu and Igni will listen to me now.

“I’ve never heard of any fuckin’ sleep spirits. You’ve gotta be... Wait, sleep. Is that a Succubus? I’ve never seen a Succubus in a ring like that, but I wouldn’t put it fuckin’ past you, Keima.” Ittetsu saw right through us. Can’t say I expected any less from him. Guess we’ve gotta force our way out of this one.

“Heh. Alright, Ittetsu, you figured it out. But it doesn’t matter. Step down if you don’t want to get charmed.”

“Gahaha! I’ve got Redra, y’know! She’d need to be a fuckin’ Succubus Queen to charm me!” Oh, really now? That’s good to know. I gave a cocky grin.

“...And if she does have the power of a Succubus Queen?”

“Hold up, Keima. Let’s talk about this. Redra’s watching.” Ittetsu immediately got more negotiable.

“Oh? You’re scared of Succubi?” Igni sneered at Ittetsu’s fear.

“Shut it, idiot! Succubus Queens are fuckin’ nightmares, they’re like living natural disasters!” You think they’re that bad, huh? Same here, honestly.

“Heh... But I’m too smart for this. He said what if she has the power of a Succubus Queen, but he never said she did! In other words, he’s tricking you!”

“Nooope! You don’t fuckin’ get it! We’re dealing with Keima here, he could do anything! There’s no fuckin’ safe gambling with him. I’ve never even seen a ring Succubus before either, we’ve gotta be careful.”

“Alright, I’m gonna use her. Here I gooo.”

“Wait! Hold on, fuckin’ wait, seriously, hold on!” yelled Ittetsu while taking clattering gold chains out of thin air and wrapping them around his body.

“(Hey, Kosaki. Do you know what those chains are?)”

“(Maybe... Chains of Admonition? Those are anti-charm equipment. If they’re the real thing, anyway.)”

“(Alright, makes sense. I wouldn’t put it past Ittetsu to have those.)” Ittetsu had, or rather the bottom floor of this dungeon had, an entire store of treasure. No reason to doubt that he would have some special chains in there. Which means I won’t be able to charm Ittetsu... Or actually, wait.

“Ittetsu. Should a proud father really be using tools like that just to resist charms? Won’t your daughter think less of you?” I taunted.

“Ngh?!” Ittetsu’s lizard face twisted.

“Maybe I’m wrong since I’ve never been a father, but well, I really think a father should show his daughter that he can resist charms head-on.”

“A-About that.” Ittetsu glanced at Igni.

“.........” She was giving him a look that was half disappointed (“You can’t even control yourself?”) and half hopeful (“But maybe this a trick and he can!”). Ittetsu groaned for a bit, then steeled his resolve and grabbed onto the chains.

“O-Of course I fuckin’ can! Graaah, have at meee!” Okay, Ittetsu’s definitely a gullimander. Been a long time since I’d had to bust out that word. After seeing Ittetsu throw aside the chains, I gave Kosaki her orders.

“Kosaki! Swap!”

“Rodger dodgeeer! I hear you loud and clear! Change, Succubus Mode!” I had no idea where she learned to talk like that, but Kosaki went ahead and beat boxed transformation sounds. I then let her possess me, but well... Yeah. This transformation is basically ripped straight from a magical girl show.

It was too late to turn back, though, so I entrusted my body to Kosaki. No, actually. I was just swapping places with Kosaki. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t trying to turn into a magical girl. I wasn’t, and I didn’t. Make no mistake: This is all Kosaki. I’m completely uninvolved.

“It’s me, the Charming Girl Succuma! I’m here to steal your heart, teehee!” My body and mouth moved on their own, striking a pose. I reached out a hand, shaped it into a gun toward Ittetsu, and said “Bang!” with a wink.

“...Ngh!” Ittetsu froze up from the impact.

“...Nggggh!” And then, without saying a word, he punched himself in the face. So hard that his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell over. The charm was a success—or actually, more of a failure. Ittetsu had managed to knock himself unconscious before falling under my control. Gotta say, that’s some impressive willpower. Sorry, Ittetsu, you were no gullimander after all. You were a true man. Although, you only lost because you fell for my taunting, so never mind. You are a gullimander.

“Oof... Dad knocked himself out.”

“Huh? You’re not affecte— Ahh, okay. I see.” Igni had wrapped the chains Ittetsu threw away around herself. They were in fact anti-charm, and they seemed to be doing a bang-up job. Y’know, if you look at this another way, you could say Ittetsu sacrificed himself to save his daughter by giving her the only anti-charm equipment he had.

“Ummm, can I just call you Succuma? Nice to meet you!”

“Er, uh, sure.” Igni smiled at me with her Dragon face. Wait, does she think I’m actually a different person? I guess this transformation would give people that impression.

“(Actually, what’s with the Succuma name, Kosaki?)”

“(It’s a nickname for Succubus Keima. Is there a problem?)” Ah. Of course. “(I was thinking about going with the Charming Femboy, but I decided to just go all the way with Charming Girl!”)

(“Yeah, I legitimately could not care less.”)

(“Darn. Oh, and by the way, I used your memories as inspiration for the transformation scene.”)

“(You can do that? Man, Succubi are crazy.)” Can’t say I’m surprised Succubi can fish through memories of the possessed, considering they can control memories and all that already.

My internal conversation with Kosaki was interrupted with a few sharp pokes of a claw. Ouch, stop, Dragon claws are sharp. It’s poking into me.

“By the way, where’s uncle?”

“...Wh-Why, Keima is sleeping inside of me! Ohohoho!”

“Oh, okay! Then I can still avenge Wataru by beating you!” Uh. “And since you’re strong enough to beat Dad in one blow, I don’t need to hold back!”

“Wait! Igni, wait. At least take the chains off if you want to fight.”

“No way! You’ll beat me in one hit if I take them off, just like you beat Dad.” True, but how are you gonna fight while chained up? “Okaaaay, here I gooo! Here comes some fire breathiiing!” Igni started building up power! Deadly energy built up within her mouth. This is bad. What’s bad? The fact I can already tell just touching that fire will turn me to ash.

“If you breathe out that fire, Wataru will get hit too! He’ll die!”

“Mph?!” Naturally, Igni didn’t want that to happen. She raised her fire and unleashed it at the ceiling instead. I used that opening to find a safe spot that her fire definitely couldn’t hit—directly beneath her. That was a blind spot for her, too. She lost sight of me after I slid beneath her.

“W-Wait, where’d you go?!” Igni roared above me. Dragons were large, but that gave you an advantage if you could get beneath them—or something.

As thoughts of what my next move should be, I glanced up on a whim and noticed something off beneath her chin around her throat. A single scale was flipped around.

“(There, Master! Touch it! We win if we can touch it!)”

“(Wait, why would you think that? Won’t touching it just piss her off?)”

“(It’s a sensitive spot, remembeeer? These chains may give her charm resistance, but it doesn’t seem to have any pleasure resistance! You’ll have her on the ground trembling from a single touch!)” Seriously? Don’t blame me if you get killed from this. Wait... is my {Ultra Transformation} revival still in effect, or did the Succubus transformation cancel that? Hm.

“(If you’re so nervous, you can just stab it. Reversed scales are famous for being the weak point of Dragons. Maybe she’ll just die.)”

“(...Well, pleasure’s better than killing my friend’s daughter!)” I steeled my resolve and reached out to the reversed scale. Take this, Succubus Touch!

“Fwah... FWAAAAAAH?!” Igni let out a shriek like a cat, wiggled hard, then collapsed.

...Wow. Succubus Touch is kinda crazy. It took down a Dragon in one shot? Really? I canceled the possession, feeling as if I had done something unthinkable, then walked up to Igni’s head to talk to her. She was still twitching and convulsing on the ground.

“H-Heeey, Igni. Are you okay?”

“U-Uncle... D-Did you just touch my reversed scale...?” Her eyes were filled with anger and embarrassment. Which reminded me, Ittetsu just said that the reversed scale was like a Dragon’s nipples. Oh shit, I’m a pervert.

“No! It was Succuma who touched it, not me!”

“O-Oh, okay.” Igni looked a little relieved. I guess that was the difference between a guy touching it and another girl touching it. Succuma was technically a guy, but he looked exactly like a girl, so it was okay! Yeah... I feel like I’m just hurting myself by saying that.

“Anyway. Why’d you attack Wataru?”

“Wha? Well... I promised him I’d welcome him.”

I went ahead and cast {Healing} on Igni. That seemed to help her a bit.

“Just so we’re clear, Wataru definitely just thought you were attacking him out of nowhere.”

“R-Really? But he looked like he was having so much fun.”

“Weeell, I think you need to learn more about human culture and feelings.” I kept laying on the {Healing} casts. That must have been getting the alcohol out of her, judging by how much she was waking up.

“For now, you should keep your promise and leave the mountain. You can come back in human form right after. You all ready for that?”

“Yeah! Lemme just say the line first. DARN, I LOST! I HAVE TO LEAVE THE MOUNTAIN!” roared Igni. That made my ears ring.

“Hey, come on now.” I started to tell her to think about her surroundings before shouting like that, but before I could.

“Fer real...?” Someone else spoke, and I turned around to see Gozou and the others peering this way from a crack in the door.

I took a quick glance around me. The wrecked Boss Room was filled with the scars of battle. Wataru the Hero was unconscious, covered in wounds, and Ittetsu the Salamander (or just Salamander himself?) was likewise unconscious. Igni the Flame Dragon had just declared her defeat with her entire body wrapped in chains. And then there was me, entirely unhurt.

“You beat ’em all, Keima...?” Gozou looked at me with awe. Uh... Not quite.

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“Uh, but...”

“It’s not what it looks like!” You’ve got it all wrong! I didn’t do this... I mean, I kinda did! I did hit Wataru and I did take Ittetsu down and I did defeat Igni through the seductive arts, but still! This is a mistake, a plot, this is actually all Wataru’s doing! He deserves the credit!