Chapter 2

We were on our way to the second inn we would be staying at after leaving Mikan. The area was rocky, leaving shadows everywhere and making it harder to progress, but as an important city road it was safer than the one we had traveled along last time.

...That inn we stayed at last night was pretty good. We each got our own room, and man is having a room better than sleeping in a tent outside. There was no point in repeatedly crying over spilled milk, but I really wished that Wataru would have discussed the routes with me ahead of time. Curse you, Wataru. You better not say you picked the short route just because you wanted to camp outside.

We stopped for a toilet break. There was no better place considering all the shade and the lack of monsters. Soon our break turned into us stopping entirely for lunch.

“Whew...”

Humans, as living creatures, all were bound by the rules of nature. When it called, we had to answer, and I was no exception. Rokuko, as a dungeon core, was an exception.

“I say, Keima, do you have a mo— Oh, excuse me.”

“.........”

Emmymephy turned around... or at least, I thought she would, but in reality all she did was take a few steps back. “I will wait here. Tell me when you are finished.”

“......Uh, it’s kinda hard to do this when you’re watching. And by hard I mean I just don’t want to do it at all.”

“Oh my. You’re quite the sensitive type.”

I went ahead and zipped up. Since we were eating lunch here, I had plenty of time to pee later.

“So, Princess Mephy. What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Ah, well, nothing in particular. I just felt that we hadn’t talked much at all during this journey. It felt silly to come all this way to see you and then not talk, so here I am.” I see. Wait... What?

“You came here to see me?”

“Oh, did I not say? You are in the running to be engaged to me. I discussed the matter with a minister, since I wanted to know what kind of person you are. There, they suggested that I pretend to be my body double and accompany Wataru on his journey to you. Indeed! I am no body double, I am the princess herself!”

...Man, she sure just dropped a lot of shocking revelations. I forced a grin onto my face and played dumb. “Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I am the real princess pretending to be my body double, and you are one potential suitor of mine.”

“...Dang, my ears just aren’t working today.”

“I am the real princess pretending to be my body double, and you are one potential suitor of mine.”

“Sorry! Couldn’t hear you!”

“I say, it’s obvious you are lying.”

“Er, sorry, I was just joking around. Man, what a surprise.”

“.........”

I’d tried my hardest to pretend I hadn’t heard her. But Emmymephy sure was a stubborn one.

“.........”

“Please don’t glare at me so hard, Princess Mephy.”

“I say, your avoidance went too far there. And by saying ‘I was just joking around,’ you have confirmed you heard me.” Crap! I dug my own grave!

“...Okay, okay. Besides you being the real princess, what’s all this about an engagement?”

“Not even I understand it fully, to be honest.”

Why am I in the running to be engaged to her? Yeah, that’s a question with only one answer: Haku’s meddling.

“In any case, I decided it would be best to judge you with my own eyes and ears. In the past I have summoned famous adventurers to engage in lively conversation with them.”

“Interesting. So you’re traveling around and meeting your potential partners one by one?”

“Not one by one, all at once. The other candidates are Sir Wataru and Gozou.” Come again?

“...Wataru I can understand, but why Gozou?”

“Well, my father publicly declared that he would not hand me over to any weak excuse for a man, and then followed that up by saying any suitor would have to defeat a Dragon first. Which brings us to now, with living legends having defeated a Dragon.”

“Me, Gozou, and Wataru. So all three of us are in the running for being engaged to you, huh?”

“Indeed! Oh, and I say, keep this a secret from the two of them.”

“Why did you tell me, then?”

“I know you have Rokuko, Keima. If you end up engaged to me, I would be stealing you away from my dear friend Rokuko. I would not like that at all.”

“R-Right. Makes sense?”

“Gozou and Roppe seem close as well, and it seems that even Sir Wataru has fallen for a woman in Goren. In short, all of you are not ideal partners for me to marry.”

“...Okay, you lost me again.”

“I want to discuss this with everyone! And so I first broke the news to you, the most reliable-looking of the three!”

“Honestly, I don’t like how you looked at me and thought ‘Yes, this guy is someone I can rely on.’”

“Judging by how you three interact, you seem to be something of a leader to them.”

“Ahhh... That’s a misunderstanding. Wataru’s the top dog here.”

“I seem to recall that Sir Wataru is in the middle of repaying a two-thousand-three-hundred gold debt to you, Keima. He is literally indebted to you right now.” Ngh! That’s completely true!

“...What do we do, then?”

“That is what I’m here to talk about.”

“Oh, my bad, I slipped up there. What do you want to do, Princess Mephy?”

“Me?” asked Emmymephy before falling into thought. After a pause, she continued. “I would like to marry none of you, so that I may remain friends with Rokuko, Roppe, Kuro, and Ichika. I feel there is still some distance between us, but such is the fate of an imperial princess. Some gaps in status can be overcome. Except by Rokuko, but I truly do not understand how she manages it.”

Emmymephy tilted her head in confusion, but if Haku wasn’t saying anything about it then it wasn’t my place to either. I’ll just keep quiet about it.

“Uhhh. In that case, turn us all down. You can just keep your prospects open for the future.”

“Would that be the right thing to do?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“A solid point. At most, I would be at risk of never marrying in my prime.”

“You’ll just have to ask the emperor to let someone marry you before you’re too old for it. It’s not like he hates you or anything, right? He wants the best for you.” It was the emperor who started all this about only giving his daughter to a man strong enough to beat a Dragon, after all.

“Very well! I say, I shall discuss this with Father once we arrive at the imperial capital.”

“That would be wise.”

Emmymephy beamed a nice smile, her worries having been solved. You’re welcome.

“...By the way, should you have told me that you’re the actual princess?”

“It is quite alright. I now know you are not the type to be influenced by status. Such is the value of seeing things with your own eyes!” declared Emmymephy with a grin. “All this body double business is just so that archdukes and other town chiefs won’t be compelled to welcome us.”

I guess Wataru was hinting at this when he introduced her to me so I would notice this sooner. Yeah, he basically was saying “She’s the real thing, this is all liiies” with his attitude.

“Incidentally, this also served the purpose of allowing Sir Wataru to be my only guard!”

“Man... You shouldn’t have. If you had a bunch more guards, we could’ve left night watch to them.”

“I say, camping outside with friends was fun! And let me assure you, had I brought with me my usual assortment of guards and maids, this journey would have been even more difficult for us all.”

“...How so, specifically?” I asked. Emmymephy grimaced, annoyed, while thinking over all the problems they gave her.

“The guards must be instructed before every move, they shout during the march, and they make a fuss every meal. Traveling takes twice as long thanks to so many of them being on foot, and the large number of them often precludes the use of an inn. They also ensure that we are forced into visitations with the archdukes of the regional capitals we visit. We have to participate in late evening dinners with local nobles, and although they serve delicious food, we are so busy performing greetings from beginning to end that there is no time to eat. But for those greetings I have to change into an elaborate dress, which needs to be new so I would have to order it ahead of time, and all manner of such things leads to a packed schedule. Incidentally, for safety purposes I am not told my entire schedule, and as they inform me of what I must do it feels entirely like I am being dragged around everywhere through no volition of my own.”

...Yeah, that sounds like a pain. I can understand why she doesn’t want to travel with her normal guards.

“I understand it is necessary, but it is certainly not something I want to deal with on a short trip like this. Which necessitated that I act as a body double... So? Do you see that my hand was forced?”

“Yeah, you really had no choice here. I feel you.”

“I say, it felt incredible to just wander off with friends and buy whatever food we wanted.”

“Yep, yep.” In other words, her acting as a body double was synonymous with her going incognito. She was incognito despite publicly declaring that she was herself, which was really a perfect combo.

“...That doesn’t anger you?”

“Why would it?”

“...I say, that attitude is why I’ve taken a shine to you, Keima! Also, you are already being quite casual with me, but feel free to forget my status entirely and talk to me as Sir Wataru does.” Emmymephy seemed pretty happy for some reason. Well, I’ll consider being even less polite, somehow.

“By the way, I still need to pee. Can you leave now?” I asked, since the conversation seemed to have come to a close.

“Oh, excuse me. I say, you are just as reliable as Sir Wataru said you were. I would not mind having you as my prime minister!”

“I will never, ever accept a position that requires as much work as that does.”

“Ahahaha!”

Good grief.

In any case, after seeing Emmymephy I finally got back to peeing.

Our lunch was shabu-shabu from a Great Boar that Emmymephy supposedly killed. Shabu-shabu was one recipe that Ishidaka the Hero, the God of Food, had spread through the world. There was a lot of scum, but the meal itself tasted fantastic.

＊ ＊ ＊

Donsama was a river city, and the second large city we visited since leaving Tsia. We saw the long line of carriages waiting to be checked and thus elected to enter speedily through the gate for nobles, and inside we found a row of brick buildings just like you would find anywhere else. Brick buildings really were common all over the empire.

Also, unlike Mikan, Donsama had a population density equivalent to Tsia. It was apparently an important location for travel and transportation. There were roads branching off from the city in a Y shape, leading to Tsia, the imperial capital, and Pavella, respectively. Up until a tunnel had been drilled through Tsia Mountain, passing by here was the shortest route to Pavella when traveling safely.

“By the way, Wataru. Why is this called a river city?”

“There’s a river splitting it in two. There’s North Donsama and South Donsama, together forming Donsama. When combined, the city’s a little smaller than Tsia.”

“It’s split in two, huh? Neat.”

We had entered through the north gate to North Donsama, and would be leaving through South Donsama’s south gate to the imperial capital. There were ferries to take people across the river.

“Ferries...? They don’t have any bridges?”

“There are several reasons for that. The north and south aren’t on the greatest terms, the monsters in the river get in the way of construction, bridges would leave all the ferry owners out of work, they would get in the way of the river flow, and so on.” Well, no problem. We can just use the ferries instead.

“What’s different between the north and south sides of the city?”

“From my perspective, not much. But to the actual people who live here, everything.” To elaborate on just how bad their relationship was, when a southerner wanted to go to the north or a northerner wanted to go to the south, they’d have to tell a story shitting on the side they lived in before being allowed across. What the hell?

“Incidentally, there’s an Adventurer’s Guild building in both the north and south of town. Let’s drop by the northern one today.”

In any case, we were staying in town for two nights again. The plan was to spend one night in North Donsama, then one night in South Donsama before leaving for the imperial capital. But I guess we have to drop by the Guild twice since there’s two in this town. Whatever, I’ll leave all the details to Wataru.

“Hey, Ichika,” said Rokuko. “What’s good to eat here?”

“The grilled fish, duh. Gonna be real with ya, there’s not much else to eat here but fish from the river.”

“Perfect! Rokuko, Ichika, let us go acquire some at once!”

“Nooope. We’re getting the carriage to the Guild first.”

Ichika was the same as ever, but it looked like Rokuko and Mephy had both gotten pretty invested in food. I seemed to recall that Dungeon Cores didn’t need to eat, but I guess that ship sailed when she fell in love with melon rolls. It’s more about entertainment for her than anything, anyway. Mephy seems to just like commoner food.

Also, she didn’t join the conversation, but Niku was listening with a wagging tail. That was our girl, liking not only normal meat but fish as well. Though I guess distinguishing between “normal” meat and fish is kinda weird.

“Oh, this time we’re storing the carriage with the inn. Though we’re still going to the guild to make our quest deliveries and such.”

“Yep. Ye can take us on to the guild, Gasho.” That was the name of our driver. He and Gozou had become fast friends during the journey.

Anyway, the moment we arrived at the guild, Ichika, Rokuko, and Emmymephy left. Sure, that’s fine. I kinda wanted them to help carry all the quest items, but no problem. Just buy some fish for us too, alright...? Alright?

Wataru and Gozou got the quest items from beneath the carriage floorboards alongside a barrel of beer stashed down there, then entered the guild. Roppe, Niku, and I followed with boxes. I didn’t know what was in them, but given that we could be a little rough with them there probably wasn’t anything fragile in them. The fact there were so many delivery quests to this place surely had to do with how much traffic Donsama had.

“And these are the quest items. Everything’s been delivered safe and sound.”

“Indeed. Thank you for your hard work, Wataru.”

“We’ll be going to the south of town tomorrow, then we’re leaving for the capital. If you have any deliveries for us...”

“In that case...”

The receptionist took all the delivery quest items and handed over a small wooden box, which Wataru put into his {Storage}.

Incidentally, you could usually bet on a fight breaking out if an adventurer from the north Guild went to the south part of town, and likewise for southern adventurers going to the north. That didn’t have anything to do with travelers or adventurers from other towns, but thanks to the situation delivery quests here paid out a bit more for how short distance they were. I don’t really get why guild employees don’t just do the deliveries themselves, but alright.

“You’re snapping the quests right up this time, huh?”

“Deliveries between the north and south of Donsama usually don’t take up too much space. Anything going to the imperial capital will be put in the southern guild, and anything we get here can be safely put in {Storage}. This way we’ll be able to go south tomorrow morning without dropping by here again,” said Wataru with a laugh.

He wasn’t asked to do any extermination quests this time. Makes sense, we’re staying here for two nights and three days, but the second day crossing the river.

“Wait, are we actually going to be spending the whole second day crossing the river? Is it that wide, or what?”

“It’s fifteen meters deep and a hundred meters wide. Honestly, it’s wide enough to just run and jump over.”

“One hundred meters wide, huh?” Yeah, no chance of me running and jumping that. He’s gotta be jumping... Though actually, I remember there being festivals in Japan where people ran over reed mats placed on a river. Maybe it’s something like that. There’s not any rice in this world, but there are reed mats. And tatami mats, too.

“...Can I try?” asked Niku.

“No need to push yourself. Pretty sure most people can’t cross it like that.”

“I dunno about that. Right, Roppe?” said Wataru.

“I could only manage ten meters the last time I tried. How about you, Gozou?”

“Ye think I could jump the river? My jump only got me three meters.” You actually tried it? And wow, Roppe, you made it ten meters? I guess adventurers are pretty athletic. And I see Niku’s wagging her tail with excitement over seeing how far she’ll be able to jump.

“Do they let people try to jump over the river all the time?”

“Yep, all the time. Want to try yourself, Keima?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m just saying you should be there to save Kuro if she gets close to drowning.”

“Sure. But just saying, it’s good in a pinch to know the limits of what your body can do. In other words, you should try it too, Keima!”

His logic was sound, but I didn’t feel like doing any exercise I didn’t have to. I had no confidence in jumping any further than Gozou did.

We left the Guild just as Rokuko and the others were coming back from their shopping.

“Good work, Keima. Here’s your fish.”

“I say, it’s salted fish!”

Rokuko and Emmymephy began distributing the food, starting with me. It was trout-esque river fish cooked on skewers. There was a full fish on each skewer, and they’d had salt sprinkled on them before being cooked.

“Oh, some trout. Thanks, girls. This goes great with beer.”

“I like them too,” said Wataru. “With food, sometimes simple is best. Salt is pretty cheap here since merchants from Pavella pass by all the time.”

Oh, they’re called trout here too. Guess this is the same deal as the apple business. They’re slightly different when you dig down, but the auto translator just reuses the same name. Or something.

“I say, Ichika is something else. She acquired this fish for astoundingly cheap by taunting the cooks and saying they were much cheaper in the south. She must have been taught by Rokuko.”

“Oh, that’s how you bartered for them? Not bad, Ichika.”

“Yeah dudes, this city’s hella famous for the north and south hating each other. Manipulating these peeps is easy as heck.” Ichika puffed out her sizable chest with pride at Emmymephy’s and Wataru’s praise. Boing boing.

“Are you going to eat your fish intestines, Princess Mephy? They’re the bitter parts inside the stomach area.”

“...Ngh, I don’t like bitter stuff.”

“Can I have them, then? They go great with beer.”

“Of course! I say, the trout would surely prefer for its intestines to be eaten by someone who appreciates them!” exclaimed Emmymephy while handing over the intestines of her fish to Wataru.

“...Keima. Why don’t we share some of our fish too? I want to eat the top part of yours.”

“No. Anyway... These trout are pretty big, huh?”

“You think so? They’re smaller than the fish some inns serve.”

That’s because inns serve fish from the ocean by Pavella. Of course trout are gonna be small if you compare them to sturgeon or whatever. These are big for trout.

“Anyway, Ichika, every single chef at those stands grimaced when they saw you. That seemed to help move things along, but what, did you do something to them?”

“Mmm. Well, kinda, way back when.”

She did? I guess the legend of the food demon is well known here too.

After finishing the trout, we headed to today’s inn.

“We’re staying at the Northern Hero’s Inn tonight. It’s run by Ortega, a famous guy called the Hero of North Donsama. It’s a nice inn. Also, tomorrow night we’ll be staying at the Southern Hero’s Inn, which was built by Ortega’s son after they had a falling out.”

“Father and son split by the river, huh? I gotta ask. Why’d they choose opposite sides of the river?”

“I think the inertia of the fight just carried things in that direction. I dunno the details. If you’re curious, you can just ask Ortega while we’re there.”

“Nah, I’m not that curious.” Why should a traveler like me get involved in a family dispute while passing by? Dealing with them sounds like a pain in the ass, and I’m not about to jump on that spike myself. They can solve this themselves. I’m not the protagonist of a JRPG who gets off by sticking his head into every problem he comes across.

“Dang, and here I thought you’d solve their problems in the blink of an eye.”

“Wataru. Is this a quest you took?”

“...Er, just consider this a quest I’m giving you myself!”

“Which means I have the right to refuse. And so I do. Pass.”

“Whaaat?! But the conversation was leading to you taking it!” I make my own rules, bud. What you’re talking about is peer pressure, and it ain’t cool.

“Th-There’s a reward in it for you, okay?”

“I’ll consider it if the reward’s two thousand and three hundred golds.”

“What family dispute quest would have a reward comparable to the budget of a small country...?” muttered Wataru.

“Anyway, at least get the quest from the two themselves saying they want to make amends. Trying to butt in from the side when neither of them want it would be pretty obnoxious. So yeah, get the quest from both of them and I’ll take it for just a single gold.”

“Got it! Wait... That’d only happen if they both already really want to make up with each other, which would make the job incredibly easy!” Dang, he noticed.

“But really, they’re probably just pretending to fight for sales reasons.”

“Huh?”

“The north and south hate each other, but the family wants an inn on both sides for business reasons. They’d be torn apart if they were the only ones on either side being all friendly, right? So they show off a fake fight and use that as an excuse to secure businesses in both sides of town.”

“That thought didn’t even occur to me...” said Wataru, falling silent in thought. Well, it’s just a guess on my part, but anyway. No need to remind him of that.

Of course, we arrived at the Northern Hero’s Inn without any of Wataru’s questing complicating things. After some rest it was time for dinner. This inn had a dining area just like the Dancing Doll Inn, and according to Wataru the food was pretty good.

“So, what’s for dinner today?”

“Porridge.”

“Riiight...”

He had replied as if the answer was obvious. That didn’t really tell me what I wanted to know, so I whispered to Ichika.

“Hey, Ichika, what’s porridge?”

“Wha? Ooooh, right. You’ve basically never left Tsia before.”

According to Ichika, it was grain boiled in milk. Sometimes dried fruit was added to it.

“Interesting. Milk, huh?” And dried fruit to add some sweetness. The rolls and galettes we had were a lot more heavy than this.

“What do you think about this porridge stuff, Ichika?”

“Mmm, gotta say, it depends on the place. Some stores serve some real crappy porridge.” The good places maintained a balance between the milk’s natural sweetness and the sweetness of the grain, but the bad places had porridge that was basically like water, or smelled bad enough it was miserable to eat.

“...Just sayin’, all cold porridge tastes like garbo! It’s basically Goblin food at that point.”

Neat. I’ve never had it myself, but if Ichika says that it must be true.

“Huh. Porridge, eh? Wataru, ye mind if I just eat bread instead? I can’t say I like sweet stuff all that much.”

“It’s fine with me, to be honest.”

Gozou didn’t seem to like porridge much. Roppe on the other hand did. Hmm.

“Don’t worry! The porridge here is boiled with water and is salted for flavor! It goes great with the fish. And beer!”

“Oh?! Well why didn’t ye say so? Sounds great!”

“Looking forward to it! Oh, is this one of the places that lets you bring your own beer? I’ll go stop by the carriage for a second.”

Hmmm. Salty porridge, huh? That’s a shame, I was looking forward to the sweet stuff. Maybe I’ll get a chance to eat it elsewhere?

The porridge reminded me of classic Japanese rice gruel, which explained why Wataru liked it. This was probably yet another substitute filling the gap that the lack of rice left in our souls. Oh, and looks like Team Bacchus is going all out with the beer. For all his complaining, Gozou sure polished off his bowl. Must be thanks to the salt. Though uh... I guess he would probably eat anything as long as he gets to drink his beer.

“I say, Rokuko, what is that?”

“You want to try one, Mephy? I have them stashed in my {Storage}.”

Rokuko, on the other hand, was eating her melon rolls. I could guess that she didn’t like her porridge much. Niku was eating hers normally. Her languid tail conveyed that she didn’t find it particularly good or particularly bad. As for me, well, I liked it more than I didn’t.

...Incidentally, our leftovers were gracefully devoured by local food demon Ichika. Before they cooled down, of course.

＊ ＊ ＊

The next day, we headed to the river on our way to South Donsama. Wataru had been entirely correct when he described it as a perfectly straight river one hundred meters wide. There was a dock for boats about two meters down some stairs, and that’s where the ferries were. Some of them were wide and flat for carriages.

But we didn’t go to the ferries.

“Okay, let’s cross the river.”

“Hold on, hold on, hold on.” I didn’t like the smile on Wataru’s face.

“Yeah, Keima?”

“I get crossing the river, but what’s all this about running over it?”

“That’s what this town is famous for! Jumping and running right over the river!”

Indeed. Wataru had guided us to where people challenged themselves in the river running competition.

“...Y’know, it doesn’t look like there’s anything in the water to step on.”

“Of course not. That would get in the way of boats going up and down the river.”

On top of that, there weren’t even rocks to jump on or anything. You literally were jumping into the river and trying to run the rest of the way across. It was madness, and it was what Donsama was known for.

...As hard as it was to believe, there were several people running across the river right in front of us. Some of them even got five entire steps across.

It seemed that Wataru was famous as someone who had completed the challenge, and all the challengers nearby called out to him, saying things like “Sir Wataru! Please teach me your secrets!”, “Yo! Are we gonna get to see another one of your crazy runs, teach?”, and “Are those your disciples, Sir Wataru?”

Incidentally, the challenge had been completed by an entire two digits number of people, including Wataru. The fact that many people could run across a one hundred meter river on their bare feet reminded me once again just how insane the humans of this world were. Oh, wait, Wataru’s Japanese.

“Okay, Keima, give it a shot.” Not a chance. I’m not even gonna try to run on top of a river. We humans are land creatures; we weren’t built to run on rivers. Don’t surpass the limits of your entire species for a dumb sports competition, jerkwad.

“By the way, Ortega from the inn we just stayed at is one of the people who succeeded. In this city, anyone who successfully crosses the river is called a hero. Lowercase.”

“Fascinating. I don’t care. Also, are you proud of being a capital Hero? Do you feel superior to lowercase heroes? Is that why you said that?”

“Aaaanyway, I think you should give it a shot at least once, Keima. I think it’d be good for you.”

“In what world would it be good for me? I’m not gonna do it.”

“I say, Keima, I would like to see how far you can go! Don’t you, Rokuko?”

“You took the words right out of my mouth, Mephy. I was just thinking the same thing.”

Emmymephy and Rokuko supported Wataru from the side. It’s not happening. I’m not gonna do it, ever. This isn’t a joke!

“I mean, think about it. Falling into the river would be pretty dangerous. What if I drowned?”

“Oh, don’t worry. This is something of a tourist attraction. There’s a rescue team swimming around at all times.” A tourist attraction? Really? And who has the time to just swim around here twenty-four seven, waiting for someone to get in trouble? What about the monsters? What about them? Oh, they don’t come out at this time of day. Good to know...

“...I don’t feel like changing out of wet clothes.”

“{Purification} and {Dry} can take care of that. It won’t be a problem.” Ngh, Survival Magic sure is convenient! Man, Wataru sure wants me to give this a shot, huh?

“Go for it.”

“My motto is to not push myself for no reason.”

“Can’t you make an exception, just this once?”

“There’s nothing in it for me.”

“Oh, but there is. Don’t you want to show off in front of me?” said Rokuko, butting in with a smug expression. But that wasn’t a motivating factor for me. In fact, her presence was actually motivating me not to try in case I failed hard.

“...Master.” Niku was wagging her tail. It was clear she was aching to run across the river. Our little girl sure is an active one, eh?

“Uhhh... Kuro. If you want to do it, feel free. Don’t worry about me.”

“Okay!”

“Alright, Kuro’s in the game! I’ll show you how it’s done first,” said Wataru before facing the river and crouching down. “Momentum is key! Keima, you watch too.”

“I’m not gonna do it.”

“Here I go! Hyah!” Wataru ran off without paying me any mind. Or rather, he jumped off like a shell out of a cannon. He kicked the water with his feet, making huge splashes as he bounded over the river.

...So the trick is to move your left foot before your right foot sinks, then move your right foot before your left foot sinks. Yeah, that’s not something a human should be capable of.

He reached the other side in no time, earning cheers we could hear all the way over here. And then he ran right back to our side.

“...And that’s how you do it. So? Did you learn anything?”

“I’ve learned you gave up on being a human. Very nice, Hero.”

“Ahaha, flattery won’t get you anywhere.” Was that flattery?

“Uhhh, anyway. Kuro, you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to.”

“I want to.”

“You could learn from her enthusiasm, Keima.” Yeah, glance this way all you want. I’m not gonna budge.

Niku mimicked Wataru and crouched at the edge. She focused her body... then blasted away. She jumped and skipped across the water, her feet kicking.

Wait, is she gonna make it? I thought... but in the end, she sunk after getting about halfway across the river. The rescue team got her and came back this way.

“Dang, that was close. You were just a little bit too short—if you get over halfway, the other side’s team will get you.”

“Ngh...”

“Good work, Kuro.” I cast {Purification} and {Dry} on Niku as her tail slumped sadly.

“Aaalrighty then.” Suddenly, Gozou stepped forward. “Guess it’s my turn! Roppe, would ye go get my bones when I die?”

“Sure. Best of luck to you, Gozou. I’ll treat you to some of my best beer if you make it.”

“Gah, ye know that ain’t happening! Pour me a glass to help the wounds heal when I fail.”

Gozou crouched at the edge. That seemed to be the default pose everyone took.

...He leapt, and sank at the first step. The nearby rescue team got him and returned him in the blink of an eye.

“Ngh, can’t say I expected anything else...”

“That was two whole meters. Not bad, not bad.”

Gozou cast {Dry} on himself without looking particularly disappointed. He really had predicted that exact outcome.

“Alriiight, now it’s yer turn, Keima!”

“Nah, like I said, it’s not happening. Why do you all want me to do this so bad?”

“Not gonna lie, I’m just thinking ye might actually be able to do it. Just give it a shot, alright? Even I gave it a go.”

“I believe in you too, Keima,” said Wataru.

“Me too,” added Roppe.

“I say, and so do I!” declared Emmymephy.

“Hear that, Keima? Just give up and do your best,” said Rokuko with a pat on my shoulders, as if that sealed the deal.

“Gotta say, the weight of your expectations is kinda overbearing. But alright. I’ll try getting to the other side if you can run across while carrying Princess Mephy.”

“Oh, really? Just give me a second.” Wait, what? I thought that’d be too much even for Wataru.

“Sir Wataru, where should I grab onto you?”

“Mmm, I’m gonna be going pretty fast, so... This should be best,” said Wataru before picking up Emmymephy in a literal princess carry. That meant he couldn’t crouch before starting, but he didn’t care. He got a running start then bounded across the river with Emmymephy in his arms.

A few seconds later, even louder cheers resounded from the other side of the river. Indeed. He had succeeded.

“I’m back.”

“I say, that was incredible! Simply incredible!”

Apparently it was the first time in history that anyone had managed to run across the river while carrying someone else. There were huge cheers on this end too, since he came back while still carrying her.

“...Seriously?”

“Well, Keima. It’s your turn now.” Rokuko plopped a hand on my shoulder as if that sealed the deal. For the second time. Haaah. Alright. They’ve forced my hand here. I’ll show them my own way of crossing the river.

“Alright, alright. I’ll get to the other side of the river then.”

“Oh! I can feel Keima getting serious!”

I went to the side of the river and... didn’t crouch like everyone else had. That wouldn’t help me, after all. I prepared to run normally instead.

“Whoa! You’re going with classic style?! That’s... fairly normal.” Yeah, I didn’t even know there were styles to this.

I took a casual step forward and let myself sink. I then started swimming to the other side of the river.

“He’s... What...?!”

Gaaah! It’s so cold. It was hard to swim while wearing normal clothes, but thanks to Golem assistance I managed to get to the other side while drifting down the river just a little bit. Neither rescue team bothered to get involved since I was just swimming normally.

And so, I arrived on the other side. Man, that was cold. {Purification}, {Dry}, and good.

“...Whew. That took a lot out of me. Heeey! Come on over, everyone!”

“Don’t just swiiim! Come back heeere!” yelled Rokuko from the other side, annoyed, but I ignored her. After all, I never said a single time that I would run across the river. I warmed myself by a bonfire maintained by volunteers while waiting for everyone else to get here.

In the end, Rokuko and the others came over with the carriage on a ferry. Excluding Wataru and Emmymephy, that is. He ran across while princess carrying her again.

“You beat me again, Keima,” Wataru said with a grin. That threw me off.

“Huh? But I didn’t run across the river.”

“Oh, but you did! In spirit! I wasn’t seeing the true purpose of river running. When you get down to it, the ultimate goal of river running is getting to the other side. There was no rule that said you had to actually run across the river! In other words, the second you stood at the edge in classic style and brought river running back to its roots, you had me completely beat!”

...That’s the most forced retroactive justification I’ve ever heard in my life. I’m honestly kind of grossed out, not gonna lie. The more Wataru built me up, the more convinced I was that he wanted to lose to me. It made sense, too, given that he was a huge masochist who loved Neruneh toying with him.

“I say, all that matters is whether or not you win, not what you do to win!”

“Nah, nah, nah, Keima definitely cheated there. He didn’t even run a single step.”

“Right? I didn’t win there. No way. I don’t even know what he’s talking about with that history of river running stuff.” Thank goodness Rokuko’s still sane.

But in any case, Wataru was satisfied in his own weird way, and he didn’t push the subject any further.

＊ ＊ ＊

After crossing the river that split Donsama in two, I was so tired that we headed straight to the Southern Hero’s Inn. I slept soundly all the way until dinner. Making sure to bring Niku with me to stay warm and not catch a cold, of course. She had fallen into the river too, so it was a win-win for the both of us.

Oh, and Gozou warmed up by drinking beer. I spared him a joke about how he should sleep in the same bed as Roppe. That’d just be crass.

“So, what’s on the menu today? Are we eating porridge two days in a row?”

“The Southern Hero’s Inn is in stiff competition with the Northern Hero’s inn, so they should have something different for us to eat.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Sweet porridge. That’s why Gozou and the others went to eat somewhere else.” Uh-huh... Well, whatever.

“Where’s Rokuko and Princess Mephy? Plus Ichika, I guess.” It feels like those three are always together now.

“They said they’d be using {Storage} to eat Kinue’s cooking in their rooms. What about you and Niku, Keima? I waited until now so I could eat with you.” Wataru pressed me for an answer.

“...Well, might as well enjoy the country’s food while we can. What do you want to do, Kuro?”

“I’ll eat with you.” Yeah, I can see her tail drooping. Either she really didn’t like the porridge, or she really wanted to eat Kinue’s cooking. Guess I’ll order some rabbit skewers as a side or something.

With that settled, we went to the inn’s dining hall. Though it was more like a bar than anything here. Probably thanks to the son trying to distinguish himself from his father.

“Oooh, Sir Wataru! I see your companion has recovered.”

“Yep. Though he wasn’t ever really in bad shape. Anyway, dinner for three, please.”

“Coming right up! Have a seat anywhere.”

We sat down at a table and had hot porridge delivered to us in no time. It had the faint scent of hot milk. This was the type of wheat porridge boiled in hot milk like Ichika had talked about yesterday. There was dry fruit inside too.

“Feels more like a hot dessert than anything, really.”

“Porridge is nice since it warms you up,” replied Wataru.

In any case, the side (?) of salted trout seemed best to eat separately. Or rather, it was best to eat the fish first then have the porridge as dessert.

“Y’know, why did people even start running across the river in the first place?”

“I heard it was because a long time ago, someone tried it on a whim and actually did it.”

“...Man, we humans sure are impressive. We just love doing things that don’t matter.”

“Whoa, whoa, but you crossed the river yourself.”

“I just swam and you know it. That’s totally different.”

We went ahead and started to eat the porridge before it was cold, at which point the innkeep came over to chat. “Did you two try running the river?”

“Yeah, pretty much. She and I ended up dunked in the cold river while this Hero stayed high and dry.”

“I see. You have the courage I would expect from companions of Sir Wataru!” Not really sure courage is the right word for being peer pressured into it. I think my motivations could be described as the exact opposite of courage, even.

“Thanks, but we didn’t manage to get across. He actually did it a second time, while carrying someone.”

“Indeed! I have heard the news. To think that such a spectacular feat would be performed in my lifetime! Sir Wataru, you are a true living legend. I can only imagine the fame your party staying at my inn will bring me.”

“Ahaha, you exaggerate,” said Wataru while scratching his head in embarrassment.

The innkeep then turned back to face me, and with a composed look, continued. “But it’s a good thing you’re staying in the south of the city after falling into the river. After all, the south is more warm and comfortable than the north.”

“Ahaha.” I laughed with a forced smile, since I didn’t really know whether he was joking or being serious. That seemed to satisfy him, as he gave us some roasted beans on the house. Wataru, don’t even think about ordering some beer to go with them. I’m not gonna drink.

“...So yeah, that’s how it is.”

“Huh? That’s how what is?”

“Er, the north and south of town, I mean.” He had been talking about the two inns being at odds with one another, but in fact the entire north and south of the city were at odds with each other. “Which is why I was thinking it’d be good if we could make these inns get along again. They stand out and everything, so, you know.” So that’s your aim, Wataru.

“Alright, well, that’s still got nothing to do with us.”

“...Honestly, I’m just kind of hoping that you can pull your usual magic and fix this in a snap.”

“That’s stuff for Heroes to do, isn’t it? You’re a river-running legend, Wataru. Surely they’ll listen if you say something. Why me? I’m just an everyday traveler. What do you want from me?” I blew off Wataru while feeding Niku the beans. Nothing warms my heart quite like Niku nomming away at food.

“I mean, this is you we’re talking about, Keima.”

“They may be at odds with each other, but this is just friendly banter. I mentioned this before, but all the supposed bad blood is probably just a publicity stunt. They don’t want us to get involved. And if I’m right, this won’t get any more serious than it already is.”

“I hope you’re right, but... I just can’t help but be uneasy,” said Wataru, having at some point adopted a pretty serious expression. Still, he was definitely just overthinking things.

“...Alright, if you’re that worried, how about we try asking around?”

“Huh?”

I looked around the dining hall for an approachable-looking customer to ask some questions. Oh, there’s one. A guy drinking beer all alone. He should be good.

I stood up and walked over to him. “Hey, you. You’re a villager here, right? I’m a traveler, and there are some things I want to ask. How ’bout I treat you to a beer for the trouble?”

“Huh? Sure, buy me a mug and I’ll answer ya.”

“Great. First question, then.” I casually sat down at his table with a boldness that only travelers not sticking around for long could have. “The north and south of this city are on bad terms, huh?”

“Yeah. What of it?”

I raised a hand to order a beer. I’ll try to ask what I can before the beer gets here.

“Would you want to punch a northern guy in the mouth if you saw him?”

“Yeah, pretty much. If a northerner came in here I’d actually beat ’im to death.” Damn, that’s intense.

“Fascinating. In that case, would you want to go to war with the north if possible? Would you want to have an all-out war with spears and swords where you kill all the northern scum, even the women and children?”

“Huh? Er, well, I dunno if I’d go that far.”

“Oh, so you’d rather just commit genocide without a fight? You want to sneak into their houses and slit their throats one by one? Gonna be real with you, it would be easy as hell to poison their water supply.”

“Wh-What the hell?! I never said I’d want to go that far!” yelled the man with a sick expression.

“Interesting.” His response was to be expected. Most people who casually talked about killing people didn’t actually want to kill anyone, and no normal villager would want to commit genocide. “Alright, let’s talk hypothetical. Suppose a huge fire broke out in the north of the city and burned down all the homes, leaving every single one of them homeless and exposed to the elements. Would you southerners throw a big party and celebrate their loss?”

“O-Of course not. That’d be fucked up.”

“But you wouldn’t help them either, would you? Leaving them to die would kill two birds with one stone, except one bird is the entire population of the north and the other bird is getting your hands dirty. What luck! Congratulations!”

“Like hell I wouldn’t go help! I wouldn’t leave’m to die!” The man slammed the table. Oh, scary. Natural disasters do bring people together. Sure, I taunted him to bring that answer out of him, but still.

“...So if it came down to it, you’d help them.”

“’Course I would! You wanna get knocked out, jerk?”

“I see. You’re a nice guy.”

“Wha...?!”

I gave a meaningful grin. The man froze, at a loss for words.

“Sorry for the weird questions. As promised, here’s your beer. See ya.” I left the stunned man with his fresh beer and went back to my original seat.

“See? Things won’t get serious.”

“Er, well. I guess?” Wataru blinked in confusion, still not entirely convinced.

“What’s with you, Wataru? A local said himself that he’d help them if it came down to it. I risked getting the shit beaten out of me to ask him that and you’re gonna ignore the results I got?”

“I mean, you were obviously goading him there.”

“People are most honest when they’re mad, aren’t they?” But well, even if he did come at me, I would’ve been fine thanks to my Wearable Golem. “This is just some casual infighting that’d go away the second something bad actually happened. Do you want to burn the city to the ground to make it happen sooner, Hero? I sure don’t. That’d be criminal.”

“...Why are your examples always so extreme, Keima? Are you drunk?” Whoa, whoa, whoa, why would I be drunk? I haven’t had a single drop.

“Oh, right. Mind paying for the drink I had to give him, Hero?”

“Awww, what...? I guess I don’t care.”

I ignored Wataru’s continued uncertainty and finished my dinner fast so I could go back to my room and sleep with Niku.

# Southerner’s Perspective

The man drank his beer, feeling uneasy, when someone sat in front of him. He looked up, thinking it was that traveler again, but it was actually the friend he had been waiting for.

“...Heya. You sure are late.”

“Yeah? More importantly, the hell happened to you? You’re looking all weird.”

“Just got wrapped up with a weird guy. Nothing too serious, though.” The man gulped down his beer, then sighed.

“You sure yelled pretty loud for something not serious. I heard you outside the inn, y’know. What, did he say the north of town was way better than the south?”

“...Nah, he asked if I wanted to commit genocide on the north side of town, including the women and children, and if I’d celebrate hard if a big fire or something destroyed their homes.”

“Wha?” His friend couldn’t believe his ears.

“...So then, alright. I yelled at him and said I’d help them if they needed it. Me, y’know? Me of all people, saying I’d go help the northerners.”

“Really now? Never thought I’d hear that from you. The whole city knows you’d sooner throw a punch than speak to a northerner.”

“Yeah. I don’t get it.”

“...Well, I guess we need rivals to get motivated, eh?”

It was true that although the northerners ticked him off, he didn’t actually want them to die. He definitely didn’t want to pick a fight with them big enough that women and children would get involved.

“It hit me that there’s a line we should never cross, y’know? I never thought about it before, but yeah. We don’t really want them to die or nothin’.”

“Yeah. Well... Yeah, you got a point.”

And so, thanks to this encounter and the revelations that followed, rules were set in place to define the lines that must never be crossed, while also establishing a pact for both sides of the river to unite in times of natural disaster. These measures would ultimately prevent a disastrous confrontation between the two sides of the river, one which would have left the city in ashes, but nobody would ever know the name of the traveler that had saved them.

# Keima’s Perspective

Man, that was some good sleeping.

I slept right up until we were ready to go the next morning. Niku really did make the difference when it came to having a nice, warm night’s sleep. Though it did help that I had exercised before bed. I always slept well after swimming.

“Still, the north and south of the city seem the exact same to me. What’s so different about them?”

“Dunno. But ye know, I’m just glad the Adventurer’s Guilds aren’t fightin’ or nothin’.”

Though really, it wouldn’t really matter to us travelers if the Guilds were fighting. In fact, we could even use it to our advantage in some ways, like Ichika did with her bartering.

“So, the plan is to leave Donsama today,” announced Wataru to the party. “Is anybody forgetting anything?”

“Nope, dude. We had some fish from a stand and we had some fish for dinner. And to be real, if we forgot to eat something we can just turn right back around.”

“Exactly the answer I expected from you, Ichika. What about you, Keima?”

“Pretty much the same. We just need to drop by the Guild to get some quests, yeah?”

“Maybe resolve some tragic familial disputes keeping two inns apart?”

“Not happening.”

And so we went to the Adventurer’s Guild in South Donsama. The luggage we had given to the northern Guild had already arrived, and since we didn’t have anything to deliver we just went ahead and took delivery quests for the next town and the imperial capital. But before we could leave, the receptionist called out to Wataru.

“Sir Wataru. We were just given a bodyguard quest with your name on it. The client is the merchant over there, and they would like to go to Corky.”

“Hm? What do you think, Keima?”

At first I wondered why he was asking me, but then I remembered I was technically in the middle of hiring Wataru as my bodyguard. In which case, it was up to me to decide whether he could take on a second client. And by the way, Corky was the name of the next big town we were visiting. It would take three days by carriage.

“Pass. There’s not enough space in the carriage for that merchant.”

“They have their own carriage,” replied Wataru while looking at the quest slip. “I normally take these quests while doing my own thing, since they have their own means of travel.”

Incidentally, if you were wondering how they knew we were going to Corky, Wataru had asked “I’m going to the imperial capital through Corky, does anyone have any delivery quests?” in a voice loud enough for everyone here to hear. There wasn’t anything suspicious about it, but...

“Why’d they specify you, Wataru? I’m guessing hiring a Hero is crazy expensive.”

“It happens, sometimes. Some people want connections, some people just want to be guarded by a Hero and all.” So they just want to get closer to a Hero. Makes sense. Wataru may have a twisted masochistic heart, but he’s still a Hero. Though... I still think a gold a day for three days is a bit expensive to hire someone like him.

“Well, even if I don’t take it, they’ll just have some other adventurer guard them. It’s not a big deal. You can do whatever you want here, Keima.”

“Honestly, I say we just let Princess Mephy decide. My carriage will have more space if you stay with the merchant, so yeah, sounds good to me.”

“Aww... Well, alright. Princess Mephy!”

Wataru went off to ask Emmymephy, and apparently she agreed because he told the receptionist he’d be taking the quest. The merchant, overjoyed, asked Wataru for a handshake, which Wataru gave.

...Sometimes quests just pop up out of nowhere, I guess, I thought just as Wataru finished talking to the merchant and came back this way. The merchant was hurrying outside.

“They want us to wait a bit so they can stock up on more merchandise.”

“Makes sense. Having a Hero for a guard is some good insurance, and they must want to make back some of your fee.”

“Yeah, though the road from here to Corky is generally pretty safe. There have been reports of a bandit camp nearby that may try coming for us. Maybe this merchant will be good bait for them. I went ahead and told them not to bring more than four carriages, though.”

Oh, he wants to bait out the bandit camp. Guess he’s less of a guard and more of a soldier this time, huh?

“Keima, have you killed anyone before? If you haven’t, no need to force yourself here.” I technically have as a Dungeon Master, but that’s all indirect killing. I might have to get my hands dirty if a bandit comes right for me here. Hmmm. That makes me kinda nervous.

“By the way, an average C-Rank guard is expected to be able to fight against people. Bandits, basically. You’re a D-Rank, but do you think you can manage it?”

“I can. Think of me as a normal rear guard. I can buy time even if I get surrounded, but come help if things get dangerous.”

“You, a rear guard? I remember you beating me in a fist fight.”

“That only happened because you were exhausted and beaten all to hell. One lucky punch doesn’t make me a fighter.”

“Well, alright then. You can trust your back to me.”

But yeah, I’ve magic on top of my Wearable Golem. I should be fine no matter what happens... Huh? What about my Succubus ring? Yeah, I’m not using it. Like hell I’ll use it.

Gozou and Roppe were both C-Ranks, and Ichika was a former C-Rank, so they should all be fine. Niku was stronger than Ichika, and she could dominate bandits with or without killing them. Incidentally, the driver was apparently as strong as a C-Rank adventurer himself. Just what I would expect from a noble’s carriage driver, I guess.

The problem was Rokuko and Emmymephy. Emmymephy was at least strong enough to beat a Great Boar, but according to Wataru I should consider her on the level of a D-Rank. Rokuko had her Wearable Golem too, but I honestly couldn’t even imagine her in a fight. The rapier on her hip was the fakest blade you would ever see in your life. Isn’t it kinda messed up that Rokuko’s the most normal out of all of us, despite not even being a human...? Well, whatever. I’ll have Ichika or someone guard her.

“Okay, let’s go to the south gate and wait for them there,” said Wataru.

“Sounds good.”

＊ ＊ ＊

So yeah, we ended up waiting at the south gate of Donsama on our way to the imperial capital. Ichika, Niku, and Emmymephy went to some nearby stands to get food. Given that they said they hadn’t forgotten anything, I could imagine that Emmymephy just wanted to eat more. Sure.

“Still, Wataru gets quests just for him? He sure is famous,” said Rokuko.

“Yeah, he’s a Hero.”

“Feels weird considering how he’s treated at our inn.”

“Yeah, he’s Wataru,” I replied, and Wataru took that opportunity to pop in.

“Did I hear my name just now?”

“You sure did. We’re talking about how people outside treat you way differently than the people in our town do.”

“Yep, Goren Town is special. It’d have to be to have you as a town chief,” said Wataru, entirely as if it was all my fault. Rokuko nodded in agreement. Why? Me being town chief should have nothing to do with it... I’m just a figurehead. Wozma, the guild receptionist, and Gozou are all more involved with running the town than I am.

“You know, that reminds me. How’re you and Neruneh doing?”

“Oh, super well! I was talking to her about how we could go on a date to Tsia the next time she’s free. Rokuko, could you do me a favor and give Neruneh some vacation days soon? Actually, I’ll straight up pay you to give her a raise.”

“Fine, fine... I’ll give Neruneh a vacation the next time you visit. You can borrow her for a bit.”

“Thank you!”

Wait... We’re already giving Neruneh days off whenever Wataru visits, so she can keep a handle on him. A date to Tsia shouldn’t change anything... Well, whatever.

It wasn’t long before the merchant we were supposed to be guarding came over. He had four canopied wagons, each packed with goods. Apparently the merchant driving the wagons was using {Storage}, too. Uh... The wheels won’t fall off from the heavy load, will they? Never mind, I don’t want to think about this and jinx it.

“I am ready to go, sir Hero. Thank you for your service.”

“No problem, you can count on me. Not even a Dragon is a threat with me around.”

“That is very encouraging indeed,” said the merchant with a bow. Nice to meet you. Hope it’s a good three days together.

We went through the gate with the merchant and departed for our next destination. Wataru predicted that we would be attacked, but he would probably do such a good job fighting the attackers off that he wouldn’t even need anybody’s help.

We were on our way to Corky with the four wagons of our merchant charge in tow. We continued down an oddly rocky section of the plains when suddenly we saw a wagon with a broken wheel stuck in the distance, blocking the road. It was about a full kilometer out, but positioned such that there was no easy way to pass by it or take a detour around it. On top of that, there was a guy holding his arm with a worried expression.

The second he saw the guy, Gozou put a hand on the hilt of his weapon. “Keima, that’s a bandit. Get ready for battle.”

“Oh, is it? I kinda figured, but wasn’t sure.”

“Course it is,” replied Gozou while cracking his neck. Yeaaah. It’s hard not to be suspicious of that guy.

“Fer starters, a wagon stuck right in the middle o’ the road’s gonna be suspicious every time. The polite thing ta do is getting the wagon to the side of the road, even if ye’ve gotta take out all the stuff inside. The fact that guy didn’t even bother to do that despite all the help shows he’s one dumb bandit.”

I didn’t know about that custom, I thought while Ichika undid the fastening on her kitchen cleaver so she could pull it out whenever necessary.

“Check out the lack of a horse, too. He’s totes just using a random broken wagon that was sitting around. The law says we can just kill bandits pulling this junk, so heck yeah. Easy money.”

Niku stood up when Ichika said that. Looked like everyone was ready to go.

“The thing is, we’re borrowin’ this carriage. Can’t exactly go ’round scuffing up a noble’s family crest. I say we stop here n’ walk the rest of the way... Who wants to stay and guard the carriage?”

“Uhhh, I volunteer. Team Bacchus can go bandit hunting.”

“Alright then. Keima’s party’ll stay here, then. Works for me. Didja hear all that, Wataru?”

“Yuuup. I was listening,” replied Wataru from where he was sitting with the merchant one wagon behind.

“Let’s get this done, then.”

“Rokuko, everyone, stay safe!” said Roppe.

“I’ll go ahead and cast {Air Barricade} so arrows shouldn’t be any problem, but... Take care of Princess Mephy for me.”

We stopped our wagon about four hundred meters away from the bandits so Gozou, Roppe, and Wataru could get off. They then headed to the bandit while concealing their weapons, calling out loudly to ask if anything was wrong. Not sure how well this surprise attack’s gonna go with Gozou’s battle hammer poking out from behind his back like that.

Anyway, my job was to watch them casually from afar while doing nothing, which was exactly what I intended to do. But when I tried to lay down, Ichika unsheathed her cleaver.

“You hyped for this battle too, Master?”

“Huh? What’re you talking about, Ichika? We’re staying with the wagons, not fighting.”

“Bruh, I think you’ve got the wrong idea. Our job’s to protect the wagons, horses, and drivers from the jerks hiding out behind the rocks all around us. It’s our time to shine. Right, Niku?”

“Yes. I’ll shine, for Master.”

“This might actually be kinda rough since there’s four wagons and two babes here to protect. Gotta say, Master, I was hella surprised when you offered to do the hard job yourself.” Uh.

I saw Niku unsheathing her dagger and crouching in a battle-ready stance, but before I could ask if that was really true, Wataru’s squad began their attack. Arrows immediately launched toward our wagon from the side and got knocked aside thanks to Wataru’s {Air Barricade}.

“...Right. So staying behind’s the hard job.”

“Woof, those arrows were heading right for the driver’s neck. They’ve got a real deal archer on their side, my dudes. Let’s see if we can’t cut that bow in half.”

“You can count on us for support!”

“I say, shoot them right through the eyes!”

Rokuko and Emmymephy were readying crossbows they were hiding, uh, somewhere? Sit back down, you two.

The bandits were coming out of hiding now that they knew arrows wouldn’t work. One, two, three... Okay, there’s over ten of them. Don’t think the three of us can hold them all back at once. Not that that’s a problem for me.

“Uh oh, we’re a little short on hands here. What’s the plan, Master?”

“Simple. If we don’t have enough help, we just have to summon more.” Summoning help was my specialty. Hmm... {Create Golem} would tear up the ground and I’d have to hide the magic stones, so no thanks. I’ll just use {Summon Gargoyle} here.

“...{Summon Gargoyle}, {Summon Gargoyle}, {Summon Gargoyle}... Okay, this is annoying. Come out ten at a time now, {Summon Gargoyle 10}.” I shortened the spell after getting annoyed, and immediately our wagon was surrounded by magic circles from which Gargoyles started appearing. If Emmymephy asked, I would just say it was an advanced summoning spell I learned somewhere.

“Protect the wagons, Gargoyles!” The merchant and the drivers were surprised by the sudden appearance of monsters, but they understood from my shout and their positioning around the wagon that the Gargoyles were friends. But my shout also alerted the bandits to my presence.

“These are summons! Kill the summoners and the monsters’ll all disappear! They’re in the head wagon, get ’em!”

Looks like they know how to deal with summoned monsters. Not sure if that’s common knowledge, or if these are just some smart bandits.

“Leave them to me, Master.”

“I got this too, dudes.”

I had some reliable allies. Niku and Ichika stood in front of the wagon to block the bandits from reaching it.

“Women! Looks like some pretty clean sex slaves. Let’s take ’em!”

“Not happening, pals. My chastity belongs to Master.”

“Hyah!”

The two of them started casually chopping down the bandits. Holy shit, Niku’s going right for their throats... Not a second of hesitation, even for humans. What a terrifying loli. She looks just like she does when hunting rabbits, my God.

“Th-These two’re strong!”

“Meatshields, get ’em! Crush ’em with numbers!” roared one of them, and the meatshields in question... slaves with collars swarmed around Niku and Ichika as they guarded the wagon.

“Hey, let me help too! Swoosh!” Rokuko launched an arrow... which smashed a Gargoyle’s head. Wowee, friendly fire. Sit the fuck down.

“What an awful shot. Watch and learn, Rokuko,” Emmymephy said before launching an arrow of her own and, surprising nobody, headshotting a Gargoyle. How many times do I have to say it?

“Noble women! These’ll sell for good money! Catch ’em alive, don’t hurt them!”

“Doesn’t matter if all the slaves die, we can just get more!”

Oh man, now the bandits are coming after us even harder. But I wasn’t going to let them get anywhere.

“Have some more {Summon Gargoyle}.” After all, I could summon an entire army’s worth of Gargoyles. As long as we could stall them for long enough...

“Tch! These slaves are pieces of crap! Listen u—”

“Okay, that’s enough. Don’t expect any backup, we already finished off the rest of your pals.”

Wataru returned and defeated the bandit’s leader. Checkmate. That was pretty fast. Good ol’ Wataru, I never doubted you for a second.

With the battle over, we started tying up the bandits. And by we I mean Ichika and Team Bacchus. Apparently we could sell them as convict slaves and make some cash. At proper establishments, you would earn five silvers for each fully-limbed man, and even at smaller inn cities you would be guaranteed three silvers... Man, convict slaves sure are cheap. But my motto is “waste not, want not.” No harm in getting some extra cash when possible.

“Good work, Master.”

“Same to you, Niku. In the end you only had to slit a few throats, huh? Good going.”

“That was thanks to you, Master. If there weren’t any Gargoyles I would have had to cut off all their heads.”

Yeah, that would have done it. And is it just me, or is Niku kinda, uh, violent? Not that I don’t appreciate how reliable a bloodthirsty loli is, of course.

“That was some choice strength through numbers, man. But are you sure you shoulda showed everyone your Gargoyles?” asked Ichika.

“It’s not a problem. Really, showing some of what I can do now will be convenient for backing me up in the future.”

“Can’t argue with that. Summoned monsters are pretty darn convenient for running errands and being decoys and stuff. The only thing is, you uh, kinda summoned a little more than most people can... Alright, I’m just gonna be real. You summoned waaaaaay more than most people can.”

Yeah, I kinda guessed that when the bandits said “summoners” a second ago.

“I say, my bad for getting in the way there. I never should have used a weapon I have no experience with.”

“It’s okay,” said Rokuko. “You can just practice for next time... Sigh. I wanted to kill at least one of them, too.”

“That’s pretty fucked up, Rokuko. I mean, you’ve always been a little on the psychopathic side when it comes to killing people, but, uh...”

“...No, like, I wanted to see if I would get DP for killing people outside my territory. I didn’t just want to kill for the fun of it, okay?” Rokuko whispered into my ear quietly, so Emmymephy wouldn’t hear.

Oh, that makes sense. I’m kinda curious about that too. No harm in learning about ways to get DP outside of the dungeon. Let’s see if Niku’s kills got us anything... Nope. Figures. Oh well, it’d stick out if we randomly killed the bandits at this point. We can experiment more later.

My thoughts were interrupted by Wataru walking over. “Good work,” he said. “Did any bandits get away?”

“We held them all down with Gargoyles. Should we have let some of them go?”

“No, it’s fine. Seems like they’re all honest fellows.”

I indirectly asked if we should have let some go so we could follow them back to their hideout, and Wataru indirectly answered that it didn’t matter since a few threats were enough to get them to spill the beans anyway. Yep, not even Heroes have any mercy here.

“But y’know, Keima, I’m impressed. Not many people can summon and control that many Gargoyles at once. You’re basically a one man army.”

“There’s a trick to it. You just have to give a simple order and let them figure out the rest.”

“Still, even with that in mind there sure were a lot of them. For Gargoyles... A normal summoner might be able to do three at best, while a court magician would struggle to get up to two digits.”

...Yeah, and I just summoned twenty on the spot. Maybe I went too far there... Uhhhh, well, let me just make the ones not doing anything disappear. Begone, begone, begone. Good work.

As an aside, I later went with Wataru to the bandits’ home base. I thought they might be camping out in a dungeon, but it was just an old abandoned village. Apparently it was pretty rare for bandits to conquer a dungeon and make it their home.

Oh, and Wataru cleaned up the stragglers without much effort. Just what I’d expect from... yeah, you get the idea by now.

＊ ＊ ＊

Anyway, we sold the bandits at a town along the way. Our wallets were plump with the extra cash. However, they were plump in the first place, so we had basically gotten free money to do whatever we wanted with.

...I mean, it did feel like we got kinda ripped off there, but none of us wanted to keep traveling with them. Slowing down our wagons to keep up with their walking pace was pretty miserable.

But more importantly, we were back on our way to the next city.

“So, Gozou. What kind of place is this Corky?”

“It’s called the city o’ smithing. We’re gonna be stayin’ there for a bit longer, since me ’n Kantara were born there.”

“Interesting. Sure sounds like a lot of dwarves would live in a smithing city.”

“Yeah, lotsa people call it Dwarf City. Our actual hometown’s deeper in the mountains, though.”

Neat. So that is where Gozou and Kantara’s family are. I wouldn’t mind staying there and sleeping for a week then, honestly.

“Lotsa bars here too. Though they’ve only got beans and potatoes for snacks. Wish I had some fried food and potato chips here.”

“Are there any chefs that could get a handle on frying food?”

“Prolly one or two, if ye looked across the whole city for ’em... Or really, a chef like that would be the talk of the city. Didn’t know this ’til recently, but frying food is the kinda stuff only royal chefs can do.”

Riiight. Frying food was actually something one got a license for after studying Ishidaka the God of Food’s teachings. You wouldn’t be given a license if you couldn’t fry food over a free fire. They probably didn’t want to spread the practice too far since it was so easy to start fires with it. You had to use a ton of expensive oil just to practice, too, which was enough to gatekeep most people from learning. So did the lack of any self-teaching. The end result was it becoming something of a secret technique for the Food Church.

Just to be clear, Kinue already had her license thanks to Wozma. An inspector had come from Pavella to give her a test, which she’d passed.

“...Well, let’s take a look. Maybe a couple showed up while I was gone. I got nowhere to spend this money if there ain’t any fried food,” said Gozou. Seemed like he intended to use all the money he got from the bandits in bars.

“Got any souvenirs for your family?” I asked, and Roppe answered.

“I’ve got a couple good bottles of some wine from Goren’s dungeon, and that should be enough. Wataru’s holding them for me.”

“Oooh! Good thinkin’, Roppe.”

“Sheesh. Doing this kind of thing’s not my style, y’know,” Roppe said with a shrug.

“...You look kinda rough and rowdy, Roppe, but you’re surprisingly sensitive about these things. I think that’s a sign you’ll be a good wife, actually,” Rokuko said.

“Guh?! D-Don’t tease me, Rokuko!”

“I’m not teasing you. I want to learn from your example, really. Right, Mephy?”

“Indeed, I say. I shall confirm that you will be a splendid wife, Roppe.”

“Stop it! Your backup is so weighty it’ll crush me, Princess Mephy!”

Those three sure have become fast friends. Huh. Is Rokuko actually a total extrovert? She ended up being friends with Emmymephy before I even realized it, so... It really did happen in the blink of an eye. Or rather, the extended blink of an eye, as in, while I was asleep.

Anyway, we made it all the way to Corky’s gates. It seemed that most big cities in the Empire were all built pretty much the same. Corky too was surrounded by large stone walls. Who knew whether that was the imperial standard in Laverio, or if it was just convenient to do so with the technology of the time. Another possibility was there being some kind of magic that could create walls like these in a snap.

Thanks in part to our guard quest, we passed through the gates in no time. The quest was considered finished then and there since they had to investigate the merchant’s cargo. Wataru got their signature and their payment before catching up with us.

“Heya. Been a while, Wataru.”

“Seriously, Keima?! I can’t believe you actually made me stay in the merchant’s wagon the whole way here! That was just mean!”

“I was just making sure you didn’t slack and fail the quest you went out of your way to take. You should thank me, really.”

“Hmph. Well, it’s fine. I spent most of the time bragging about how much stronger you are than me. Rumors of the Ultimate Adventurer Keima who not even Heroes can beat should be spreading as we speak.”

“You just made an enemy for life.”

“Haha, I’m just kidding. I know you don’t like that kind of thing. I went ahead and kept the details of our quest a secret.”

“I sure hope you did. Anyway, let’s go to the guild.”

We drove our wagon in the direction of the Adventurer’s Guild. We could hear the clanging sounds of smithing at all times while riding down the main street. It sounded exactly like you’d expect a Dwarf City to sound.

By the way, from a human’s perspective, all dwarf women were lolis. Dwarves could tell how old they were from a glance, but to us they were all legal lolis. And while some might disagree, I was glad they were the kind of dwarf women that didn’t have beards or mustaches.

Also, despite being noon, the city was swarming with dwarves drinking at stands and adventurer parties clinking mugs together. There certainly were a lot of dwarves, but there were plenty of humans, elves, beastkin, and other races drinking and having a good time. This was basically heaven to any drinker.

Oh, that extra big person is a giant? Neat, I thought he was just a tall person. That winged person must be an avian. They’re not quite a bird-type beastkin. I know about them thanks to Maiodore.

“The further south you go, the more giants and avians there are.”

Cool. I wonder what the deal with the human races is, though. Giants are humans but Succubi and Apprentice Witches are monsters? Does having a magic stone really make that much of a difference?

“Hey, Ichika. What food is good here?” Rokuko asked.

“Mmm, I guess the beer’s the main thing. They’ve got their meat and potatoes and all that stuff, but it’s all sides to the beer, know what I’m saying? Do you drink, Rokuko?”

“I’m not a fan of beer since it’s so bitter, but I like how floaty it makes me feel.”

“Oh? I say, I would like to see you drunk, Rokuko.”

“I don’t mind if Keima doesn’t mind.”

Ichika’s really rubbing off on Rokuko, huh? She seems pretty interested in food now. Also, don’t drink, Rokuko. My mind won’t be able to take it.

“I say, if you don’t like the bitterness, there’s beers with fruit juice in them. I’m sure you would like them.”

“You know, Mephy, at that point I’d rather just drink the juice as juice.”

“...Well, no need to force yourself to drink, I suppose.”

We reached the Adventurer’s Guild while Rokuko badmouthed fruit juice to Mephy.

“Alright, let’s get ta unloadin’ our quest stuff. Wataru, ye can turn our wagon in.”

“Oh, you’ll be turning the stuff in? I’m guessing you have some friends in there?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

We got our delivery quest items and entered the guild. I expected to see a bunch of adventurers getting extremely drunk, but surprisingly enough there wasn’t even a bar in the guild.

“Dwarf City’s Adventurer Guild doesn’t even have a bar?”

“What’s the point when there’s tons a bars all around? Sometimes people’ll bring their own beer here and go nuts, though.”

Yeah, makes sense. No point in setting up a pointless bar and increasing your workload for nothing.

We brought the items to the counter. The receptionist was a chubby loli... a female dwarf, probably. Yeah. She’s got makeup on, and has that mature woman aura that receptionists tend to have.

“Heya, Anita! We’ve got some quest junk here, have a look.”

“Gozou! It’s been awhile! A whole year, ain’t it been?”

“Been doing a lot of stuff in another town. I’m on my way to get a B-Rank.”

“B?! Hey, Gilmas! C’mere, Gozou’s saying he’s getting a B-Rank!”

“Whaaat?! Is that right, Gozou? Congrats! We gotta get our drinking game on!”

A different, bearded dwarf appeared from further within the guild after the receptionist dwarf called for him. “Gilmas” was probably short for “guildmaster,” rather than being his actual name. Are they really gonna start drinking at noon? Maybe it’s good here for the gilmas... uh, guildmaster to have a habit of skipping work.

“Hey, Keima. Just gonna warn ye now, Anita’s married to Gilmas, alright? Don’t go tryin’ ta seduce her now.”

“I mean, I wasn’t planning on it. Who do you think I am?”

“A loli hunter. Wait... Ah, I get it. Most humans think all dwarf women look like lolis, but you can tell the difference. Good on ye. Just what I’d expect from a loli hunter.”

Loli hunter, seriously? I seriously don’t get where this is coming from.

“...I can kinda tell the difference, but I sound like a perv when you put it like that. Also, how old is she actually?”

“Huh? She should be around—” Gozou started to reply, but before he finished, Anita the receptionist slapped me on the back.

“Hey hey hey! Are you Gozou’s party member? You’re a skinny one!”

“Er, uh, actually, uh.”

“Anita. This’s Keima. He’s the town chief of Goren, and he’s less a party member and more like our captain. He looks like a twig, but it’s thanks ta him that I got up to B-Rank.”

“Well how about that! Keima, huh? Guess Gozou owes you a lot, then! Thanks for looking after him. You wanna drink too?”

Oh man, she’s a grandma. She looks like a loli, but she’s a total grandma on the inside.

“Nah, I don’t drink much. I’ll just take the sides.”

“You don’t drink?! Are you sick with somethin’ fierce? Shame, and you’re not even old enough to have a beard yet...”

“Er, sure, let’s go with that...” The hyperactive loli grandma crushed me with her sheer energy. I wonder how old she actually is... But I guess it’s taboo to ask a woman her age. I’ll give up on finding it out for now.

So, with that done, they grabbed food and beer from a nearby bar and started going to town. This place wasn’t called Dwarf City for nothing. Dwarves holding mugs the size of small barrels dropped by and clinked glasses with Gozou. There was a full blown party going on in the blink of an eye. A party that not just me, but Rokuko, Emmymephy, Ichika, and Niku got wrapped up in too.

“Masteeer, dude, why aren’t’cha drinking? Here, have a li’l sip, ’kay?”

“Quit it, Ichika. I’m not going to drink just because you’re pouring me a glass. And what, are you already drunk?”

“My man, this is Dwarf City. What am I gonna drink if not beer?”

Juice or something. You sure are enjoying a lot of freedom for a slave, Ichika. Not that I mind.

“But really, I can tell this is Gozou’s hometown. There’s beer everywhere.”

“Gahaha! Yup! Ye can drink some yerself, y’know!”

“I’ll pass, it turns out I’m sick with some beer allergy or something. Right, Rokuko?” I said, turning to look at Rokuko, only to find her chugging a rapidly emptying beer mug.

“Fwaah! So bitteeeer... Plain juice is definitely waaay better than this... Am I riiight?”

“Wha, hey! Who gave Rokuko beer?!”

“I say, it was I!”

“Princess Mephy?! Don’t let kids drink!” I glared at Emmymephy as she casually waved at us from the other side of the table.

“Oh? Rokuko said she’s of age. And in any case, it’s fine since she’s with you.”

“It’s anything but fine... Wait, are you drinking too, Princess Mephy?”

“Indeed! The royal will decrees that I shall drink! Truly, having a taste for alcohol is important for any empress!” Emmymephy declared. Since Haku was the founder of the Empire and she drank at a yearly festival, it was apparently normal for all members of the imperial family to drink.

“Fair, but don’t wrap Rokuko up with that. She’s an awful drunk.”

“But that is exactly what I wished to see!” cackled Emmymephy. Uh, princess?

“Try not to go too wild, alri— guh?!” I tried to give the drunk Emmymephy a lecture, but I suddenly felt something touching me beneath the table. Trembling, I scooted back my chair and found Niku looking up at me with a flushed expression.

“Er, what’re you doing down there? You surprised me.”

“.........” Niku nuzzled her cheek against my crotch again. Guuuh.

“Ni— Uh, Kuro? What’re you doing?”

“...Master’s smell...”

“You’re drunk too, aren’t you?! Hey, who gave Kuro beer?!”

“Bwuuuh? That wasn’t juice? Ahahahaaaah!”

“Rokukoooooo!”

I even almost called her Niku in public. God, this is awful. Am I the only sane person here?! There’s gotta be somewhere to hide...

“Keima, over here!”

Anita the receptionist! The legal loli grandma! This is my way to victory! I retreated to Anita’s location with Rokuko in my arms and Niku clinging to my leg.

“Are you okay? Keima, and the girls.”

“Yeah, thanks to you... Got any water?”

“Sure, sure... Oh wait, this is beer. Whoopsie. Here’s your water.”

I took the beer, or rather the water, and had Rokuko and Niku drink some. When I held the cups up to their mouths, they bit into the rim of the cup and sipped water while chewing. Now that’s cute. I kinda want to pat their heads now. Too bad both my hands are occupied.

“Nguuuh, Keimaaa, Keima... Nmmm...”

“Masteeer... Meat... Nzzz...”

And so, they slept. They were really synchronized there.

I decided to head to the inn to get them in bed... at which point I realized we hadn’t decided on an inn yet. I waved over Wataru, who was having at it in the middle of the party.

“Heeey, Wataru. Where’s our inn gonna be? I want to get Rokuko and Kuro in bed.”

“Oh, I think we’re staying in the inn beside Gozou’s parent’s house. Hey, Princess Mephy, that’s mine.”

“Ahahaha, not anymore!”

...Yeaaah, I’ll leave the drunk princess to Wataru. Time to find Gozou. Oh, there he is.

“Heeey. Gozou, where’s your parents’ place? By which I mean, where’s our inn?”

“Oh? Ahhh, your girlies got too drunk, huh? It’s right nearby. Everybody, I’m duckin’ out for a second! Gotta guide Keima somewhere real fast.”

Gozou left the party and guided me to the inn as I followed behind with Rokuko and Niku on my shoulders. I kinda picked them up without thinking about it, but my hips would be shattering right now without my Wearable Golem helping to carry them both. They’re actually pretty heavy. Oh... I could have just asked Ichika for help.

“By the way, what’s your family even do for a living? Kantara’s from a smithing family, right?”

“My folks are adventurers. They specialize in mining.”

“Does that mean there’s metal-type Golems around the city?”

“Nah, there’s some ore veins in a dungeon nearby. Ye can get a steady supply of ore there, and monsters pop up there too. They’re kinda like miners that happen to be adventurers.”

“Neat, I didn’t know there were jobs like that,” I replied while stealthily checking the DP catalog. It looked like I could buy ore veins for cheaper metals. The veins Gozou was talking about were probably just dungeon structures. Like treasure chests, but larger.

I wonder if you can buy veins for them because they’re cheap, or if they’re cheap because you can buy veins for them. Probably a bit of both. It was also possible that they just weren’t in my DP catalog, and I’d have to find veins of precious metal—gold, silver, mythril, etc.—in real life before being able to buy them. Or well, that was more a fact than a possibility, since apparently this dungeon had a mythril vein deep inside of it.

“Here we are.”

The Forest Honey Inn. It was a sturdy, three story inn made of stone and located close to the guild. The two story stone building next to it was apparently where Gozou’s parents lived.

“Me n’ Roppe are gonna stay with my parents, so only gotta get rooms for your party, Wataru, and Princess Mephy. Guess that makes four rooms,” Gozou said before going to talk to the inn’s owner. The owner was a bear-eared beastkin rather than a dwarf.

They naturally knew each other as neighbors, and perhaps due to being apart for so long, their conversation was really dragging on. I wanna get these two in bed already, y’know.

After too long a wait, Gozou came back while scratching his head.

“Er, sorry, Keima. Looks like they’re outta rooms. I only managed to get two fer ye.”

“Really...? Well, nothing we can do about that. How about you let Wataru and Princess Mephy stay at your place? My party will use the inn rooms.”

“...Eh, guess that’s alright. They’re probably gonna drink all night anyway.”

I’m sure Princess Mephy will be safe with Wataru... Though they’re both going to end up wasted out of their minds. Honestly, it wouldn’t even be a problem if they crossed the line and did you-know-what. Wataru’s apparently in the running to marry her anyway.

With our inn rooms secured, I finally got Rokuko and Niku in bed.

Hm... Guess I’ll go to bed too. I spread out my futon in the room next to Rokuko and Niku’s, then lay down to sleep.

＊ ＊ ＊

I woke up to something soft being pressed against me.

“.........”

It was warm and pleasantly soft, so I just went back to sleep... or I tried to, but something stuck in my mind. What might this soft, squishy thing be? It wasn’t the futon. Judging by how it felt pressing against my face... It was something wrapped in cloth, but it wasn’t stuffed with cotton or anything.

And actually, there was a faint scent of alcohol to it. Or I should say, a very strong stench of alcohol. And also, it was clinging to me. What? I looked up.

“Fwaah... Dude, that tickles... Nzzz...”

It was Ichika. Why is Ichika using me as a dakimakura? I tried to calm my confusion to dissect the situation.

...It probably went like this.

1: Gozou told her that he left us at the inn.

2: She came to the inn when she got tired.

3: The inn owner guided her to our rooms... Correction. He guided her to my room.

4: Ichika, being drunk, went straight into my futon.

5: Night ended, the sun rose, and morning began. (We’re here now.)

Why? Did he think Ichika and I were a married couple with kids or something...? Well, whatever. This is a lot better than me sleeping in bed alone with Rokuko. At least with Ichika I can make excuses about her being my slave. Now, what to do about this. I don’t want to wake her up, but she’s squeezing me so hard I can’t move at all.

Actually, this is a non-issue. I can just forget I saw anything and go right back to sleep.

Confident in my genius idea, I shifted back into my previous position and... Wait. If I go back to sleep, I’ll end up burying my face in Ichika’s massive tits again. Isn’t that a problem? Not to mention that if I look up, Ichika’s face is right in front of mine. That’s kinda a bit much.

“Oh nooo, I can’t eat anymoreee, but this is miiiine!”

“Guuuh?!” She suddenly squeezed me hard, forcing my face right into her cleavage. Yeah... She smells like beer. At least I can breathe in here.

Aaanyway, Ichika did this herself. I’m the victim. And in the first place, Ichika’s my slave. There’s no problem at all with me burying my face in her tits. Alright. Perfect. Time to go back to sleep.

...But when I closed my eyes, Ichika started to stir. “Nnn... Ah, what...? What a weird dream... That was one massive curry roll... Ngh! And now it’s gone forever! I should’ve just bitten right into it...!”

Seriously? She picks now to wake up? Oh man. Should I wake up too? With my face buried in her tits...? I-I’ll just pretend to be asleep! The best thing for me to do is to pretend to sleep until this is all over!

“Wait... Am I grabbing onto sommmeethIING?!”

I could feel Ichika stiffen. And yeah, we’re stuck so close together I can feel her heartbeat too.

“N-Niku...? D-Definitely, not... This is... M-Master?”

We may have the same black hair, but that was the only thing Niku and I had visually in common. I didn’t have her ears, after all. Ichika noticed that immediately.

Okaaay, pretending to sleep, pretending to sleep. Zzz. Zzz. I’m asleep. So don’t worry, just pretend this never happened... Please. Please pretend this didn’t happen.

“Where even am I...? Ouch, I think I drank so much I friggin’ forgot everything... Is this an inn? But wait, why am I in bed with Master... Nnn?”

I could hear Ichika’s heart rate speeding up. Can’t really blame her for getting confused here.

“...Ah! Right, this is dakimakura work! He got me drunk and dragged me into this?!”

How could you not be more wrong?! I shouted internally, but for the sake of pretending to sleep I kept my silence. My only option at this point was to go all the way with this fake sleeping.

“Awww, geez. I woulda done this no prob if he just asked, no need for all this getting me drunk business. Oh, but I guess he likes girls without boobs more...?” Ichika said shyly while stroking my head. Seriously, you’ve got the wrong idea. I wouldn’t do that. Also, I have a foot fetish, but I don’t dislike boobs. They’re alright.

“...Oopsie, gotta be careful. Don’t wanna make a wrong move and wake Master up. Sure am I glad I asked Niku about all this stuff,” Ichika said before wrapping her arms around my head to gently embrace it. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.

“And y’know... I’d do more than this too. I wouldn’t even bite him...”

She’s saying something, but it’s hard to hear. Oh no. I can’t hear a word of it. Darn, guess I’ll just have to ignore it and go back to sleep.

In the end, Niku came by later and taught Ichika how to get out of bed without waking me, which meant my fake sleeping plan went perfectly. I slept through it all without anyone realizing I knew what happened. The end.

＊ ＊ ＊

Having spent the night in the inn, I dropped by Gozou’s place to say my hellos before heading to Kantara’s place. After all, Gozou’s parents were just some normal adventurers. Wataru was still drinking, and Emmymephy was passed out drunk inside the guild. I’ll just pretend I never saw the imperial princess throwing up on a dirty floor while Anita comforted her.

Anyway, what was my goal in visiting Kantara’s place? Tourism, I guess. A little observation. I was a bit curious to see what a real deal smithy was like. My companions on this noble quest were Ichika and Rokuko. I left Niku behind. Her hangover was a bit too much for this walk.

“But y’know... Heheh, y’knooow, Masteeeer.”

“You’re too close. Is it just me, or have you been like that all day? Did something happen?”

“Awww, you’re playing dumb? Mmm, well, if you don’t wanna say it, I’m game with that.”

“Um, Ichika? You are too close. It’s hard for him to walk when you’re sticking to him like that,” Rokuko said, forcing her way between me and Ichika. She then grabbed my arm, making it harder for me to walk, but hey. I appreciated the backup. After all, I didn’t know anything. I had absolutely, legitimately no idea why Ichika was in such a good mood today, or why she was being all buddy-buddy with me. The inn owner asked if I had a good time last night, but I didn’t know what to tell him. All I did was sleep.

“No worries, Rokuko, I totally get that you’re the top dog wife! Yup, yup, I’m just a slave and dakimakura. I’m an item for Master to use as he dang well pleases. But like, even pets get close to their owner, y’know? What’s wrong with a little arm hugging?”

“Oh, right, a pet! That’s fine, then. I let Phenny ride on my shoulder and hand, after all.”

Rokuko’s pets were Phenny the Phoenix and Jewely the Jewel Turtle. Guess she considered Ichika on the same level as them.

...Honestly, it fits. Treating her like that honestly fits perfectly. Why does Ichika feel so much more like a pet even though Niku’s the dog girl? Maybe because Niku is a dakimakura.

“Alright, so this is Kantara’s place...”

I went to the back entrance as directed, but there were still a ton of dwarves going in and out while the sounds of clanging metal filled the air. The smoke trailing from the furnace was visible from far away, and honestly just being near the smithy was uncomfortably hot.

Though actually, now that I think about it, will they actually let me see them work? I mean, Kantara did, but his parents are probably his teachers, so I can bet they’ll be doing higher level work... I can’t really blame them if they don’t want an outsider watching them. I’ll just give up if they tell me no. It’s not like I’m that desperate to watch. At most I’m just thinking I can record their work using the menu and recreate it with Golems, or help out Neruneh with her research.

...To be real though, even orichalcum forging can be done easily with {Create Golem}, so the absolute best case scenario here is learning to make items without relying on {Create Golem}, but... I think Kantara is doing a good job of that already. I guess I don’t need to watch? No, no, I need to see this kind of thing and learn more about what’s normal in this world.

“Keima, aren’t we going inside?”

“Oh, uh, I was just wondering if they’d even let us watch. Alright! Go forth, Ichika?”

“Um, why me? Guess I don’t mind doing a little meet and greet. One sec... Excuse meee! Is this Kantara’s plaaace?” Ichika yelled at the door, and out came a white bearded dwarf with a walking staff.

“Huh? Kantara’s our boy, but who’re ye?”

“Aaah, I’m just from a place called Goren. Kantara’s been a real bro to me so I was thinking I’d drop by and see what’s up. Like, he’s totally kept my weapon sharp and stuff.”

“Yeah? Lemme take a look.”

Ichika handed the cleaver on her hip... the Golem Cleaver to the dwarf. He took it and flicked it with his finger, making a clink.

“A Magic Blade, huh? Sure looked like Kantara’s fixing it up.”

“Whoa, you can tell? That’s amazeballs. Dwarf smiths really are something else.”

“Hmph, course I can tell that much. He’s my son. Ye’d be able to tell the same ’bout your kid.”

“Ohhoho. So you’re Untara, then?”

“The one and only,” said the dwarf—Kantara’s dad, Untara—with a bellowing belly laugh. “Seems like Kantara’s doing alright for himself. How bout ye come in for a beer?”

“Dude, that sounds fantastic. But mind if I introduce you to my master first? He’s the town chief of Goren.”

Alright, looks like it’s our turn. And wow, Ichika, you sure managed to hit it off with him in no time. I can tell you’re used to meeting new people and making friends.

“Errr, hello. Kantara’s been a good fri—”

“So yer the town chief, huh? Kinda skinny, ain’t ye? How’s a twig like ye leading a town o’ adventurers?” he said mirthfully, slapping me on the back.

“Watch out, dude. Master’s hella strong no matter how he looks. He basically trashed a whole camp of bandits himself on the way here.”

“Really now! Alright, show me that blade on yer hip. I’m lookin’ forward to this.”

Sadly, Ichika made things a lot harder for me with one sentence. That reminds me, I haven’t used Siesta as a weapon at all lately... Actually, I don’t use it as a weapon at all. Maybe I should start walking around with a staff so I look more like a mage.

“Sure. But be careful, this is a Magic Blade.”

“Alrighty. Let’s see... here... whoa, lord above!” Untara immediately put Siesta in its sheath after pulling it out a bit. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, having apparently broken out into a sweat. “The hell is this thing? I nearly passed out just from takin’ it out... Ye must be the real deal if yer usin’ this thing, skinny or not. But how do ye even maintain that blade?”

“Uhhh...” Actually, I’ve never done repairs on it at all. Not that it matters, since I don’t cut anything with it and it’s a Magic Blade anyway...

I tried telepathically communicating with it just for the hell of it, like I did with Kosaki. I asked if it wanted maintenance, and it replied “Nn.” Uhhhh, alright, that probably means “Yes.” Hm... Oh, I see. Looks like Siesta ended up on the Named list. No surprise then that I can communicate with it.

“(...Alright, I’ll ask him to give you a checkup. Could you not blast your sleep rays while he’s doing it?)”

“(Nn.)”

Would it kill you to say yes or no...? But yeah, I can tell what it means since this is telepathy. That was a yes. I guess it’s just more of a silent type. Reminds me of how little Niku used to talk. Or well, I guess it’s even worse since it doesn’t have ears or a tail.

“(By the way, could you focus your sleep rays and only target enemies with them?)”

“(...Nnn.)”

Oh, that was a no. I could hear the regret. I guess it just can’t help but hit everyone when it uses the sleep rays. It can’t even avoid just its user. Those sure were a lot of details I understood thanks to telepathy. Anyway, it can turn the power on and off, so I’ll ask Untara to do some maintenance.

“...I cut off its power for a bit. Could I ask you to do some maintenance on it?”

“What?! Ye gods... It really ain’t doing it anymore. You really are a master o’ this blade. I’ve heard legends that the true wielder of a Magic Blade can communicate spiritually an’ bring out the best in it. The reverse is true too,” Untara said with a grin while pulling out the blade again. I said nothing about having mentally negotiated with the sword through telepathy. I guess telepathy was basically communicating spiritually, though.

“Hey, Keima! I think I want him to fix up my sword too!” Rokuko patted the sword on her hip.

“Huh? Have you ever even used that rapier before...?”

“Gahaha! That’s fer self defense, ain’t it? Nothin’ better than not having to use it!”

I mean, it’s basically just decoration. So much so Rokuko used a crossbow the last time she actually tried fighting. But it is true that it’s best to avoid any situations where Rokuko has to fight with a sword.

By the way, he easily agreed to let us watch him work after we gave him some Japanese wine and some of Phenny’s eggshells. They were a rare item with some great fire resistance for forges, after all. Glad to see he liked them.

“I’ll make anything ye need for free! Go ahead ’n take anything you want from the store!” he said with bloodshot eyes, but, uh, there wasn’t really anything I wanted. But I went ahead and grabbed a mythril knife for Niku, plus asked him to make a mythril holy symbol. I also grabbed the mythril cleaver he had on the wall for free. It was all free, too. He must have really liked that Japanese beer.

Also, there was a crossbow there too, but the Golem Crossbow that Rokuko was using beat it out. Hers was a magic crossbow that reloaded itself, after all. I had made the bow part of it with composite materials through trial and error. That said, the individual parts in the store were all much more precisely crafted. Just what I would expect from a pro.

As for the staff I wanted just to look cool, he told me I’d be better off getting one from a magic tool store. I didn’t mind waiting. It wasn’t something I really needed, anyway. Not to mention that he gave me a mythril ingot to make one myself. It gleamed with a silver color and was thick enough to hold in his hand. I could make it myself... but I think I’ll ask a pro to take care of it.

“I’m like, totally happy you would get such a rad cleaver for me, Master. I don’t even know if I should use it. Eheheh.”

“You should. It was free.” Mythril was actually some pretty high class stuff. But the Phoenix eggshells I brought him were even more rare, so honestly it evened out pretty well. Though I didn’t know exactly how valuable either were. I still had an entire room stocked full of the eggshells, so the word “rare” didn’t exactly click for me.

Anyway, I’ll have to turn the mythril knife and mythril cleaver into Magic Blade Golems later. I’ll just need to fiddle with their insides a little... Though I have to wonder if there’s any space for me to do fiddling. If there isn’t, I’ll just have to go with my original version of Golem Blades, even though they’re weak to getting hit and die kinda fast.

Also, when I talked about Beddhism after asking him to make the holy symbol, he asked to join Beddhism himself and to make his own holy symbol. He even went so far as to ask me to let him help proselytize people into the church. I said sure. Oyasuminasai.

“...You know,” said Rokuko, “Isn’t this the first time we’ve talked about Beddhism on this whole trip?”

“Yup. I don’t really care about spreading it too much. Not much I can do for people while away from town.”

“That’s true.”

In this world, religions were built on practicality, not being able to immediately reward converts was a big problem. As it stood, Beddhism would never spread anywhere too far from Goren. Maybe I should start selling futons on the road?

Having finished watching Untara work in the smithy, our plans for the day were over. We decided to wander around and do whatever. It was a bit hard to find anything interesting since the area around Kantara’s place was filled with smithies.

“Are there even enough customers to support this many smithies?”

“Yeah dude, they’ve got people coming from all around to hire smiths from here. Not to mention all weapons and armor get worn down. They’ve always got business thanks to soldiers and adventurers.”

“Makes sense.”

Naturally, there were some other stores around too. The bars stuck out the most, but there were some stores selling accessories, and I saw some alchemist workshops too.

“Hey, Keima, isn’t this an alchemist workshop? Let’s try visiting it.”

“Oh, cool. They might have some neat magic tools... Though wow, this place looks like a witch might own it,” I said as I entered the kinda suspicious workshop with Rokuko. There were black curtains covering the walls just like a fortune teller’s place... and I could feel the Darkness of a dark magician. The products themselves were placed on a table, or really, they were strewn about on the table.

...This is a store, right? Not an abode for the living incarnation of a darkness spell? The door was open, so... They should at least organize this stuff, or throw away the broken bottles. Tags for the products with their names and prices would be even better.

“Welcome. Take a look at whatever you like,” said the tiny, black-robed owner of the store. Rokuko... Are you sure this is an alchemist’s place and not a dark magician’s place?

“Hey, what’s this?” Rokuko pointed out a cute little bottle with pink liquid inside.

“Oh, that’s a love potion. It’s decently strong, but nothing amazing. Ten silvers.”

“Hmm. Well, I don’t need it. Right, Keima?”

Uh, right. Riiight.

“What about this?”

“That’s... a magic tool. What did it do again...? I think I just kinda made it without really thinking... Ah, fifty silvers will do.”

Why would we buy it when we don’t even know what it does? That’d be 500,000 yen in Japan, y’know. I guess alchemist wares just are that expensive... Oh? What’s this pillow?

“What’s this?”

“Oh, well. A pillow. Two silvers.”

“...What does it do?”

“Ever heard of the Church of Beddhism? It’s a religion all about peace and comfort, and this pillow was blessed by their pope in their home temple. It’ll really help you sleep.”

Waaait. “Sorry, could you say that again?”

“It’s a pillow blessed by the Beddhist pope. It’ll help you sleep.”

That has to be referring to me. There’s no other Beddhist popes. But I don’t remember blessing any pillows... Did some merchant bring one in during mass or something?

“This pillow is really something else. I tried it once myself, and it just cured my insomnia.”

“Wow, it can do that?”

“Yep, yep. I hear tons of nobles love these pillows. And right now, this one costs only two silvers.”

Looks just like a normal cotton pillow to me. Guess it should be fine to let this one slide.

“If you’re not convinced, I can throw in some Beddhist holy water.”

“What? Beddhist... holy water?”

“If you put two or three drops on the blessed pillow before sleeping, you’re guaranteed to sleep soundly until morning. If you want to drink it, just mix a single drop into a cup of water,” explained the store owner while taking out a potion bottle filled with a clear, purplish liquid. So that’s Beddhist holy water, huh?

“So, Rokuko. Are we selling any holy water like that? That looks kind of like a sleeping potion.”

“We are, but it’s not this color. Ours is just herb water to help with relaxation.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. This is just a suspicious potion. Ichika, what do you think the Beddhist Church should do about this thing?”

“The Beddhist Church? Well, I mean, whatever you want, man. It’s your religion.”

The conclusion of our whispered discussion was that I should do what I wanted to. Well, the first thing I’ll do is ask for details. Action can wait until that’s over.

“Er, excuse me. Mind if I ask where you got this pillow and holy water?”

“Hm? I don’t know exactly where they’re from since I bought them both from some merchants... But, what, do you have a problem with my products?”

“Yeah. There’s a problem with them.”

“Like heck they have a problem. This store may look suspicious, but I’m an honest merchant doing honest work!”

“Oh, but they do. ’Cause I’m the pope of Beddhism, and we’re not selling either of these.”

“Whaaat?! A young man like you, a pope? Hahaha, good one... Wait, you’re serious?”

I held up the mythril holy symbol I just got. The store owner went pale.

“H-Hold on a second.” They dug under their counter for something, then pulled out a magic tool that looked like a crystal ball. “C-Could you say that again with your hands on this? That you’re the Beddhist pope.”

“...I’m the Beddhist pope,” I said, and the crystal ball didn’t change color. But apparently it not doing anything was important.

“I-It didn’t shine... You’re the real thing?”

“What, this is a lie detecting magic tool? Let me double down, then: The Beddhist Church isn’t selling these products. Well that’s that. Now you get my issue, right?”

The store owner bobbed their head in rapid nods.

“We Beddhists may be forgiving folk, but I’m not about to let people pass off strange potions as Beddhist products.”

“B-But, that’s just what the person who sold me them said. I didn’t know anything! I promise!”

I pointed at the crystal ball. They understood what I meant and repeated themselves with their hands on the ball. It didn’t shine.

“Interesting. By the way, what’ll happen if you lie while touching it?”

“Er, it shines red. But you have to replace the magic stone every time it shines, so it’s not something you can really use at the drop of a hat. Though richer people have ones that don’t need to be touched or have their magic stones replaced,” explained the store owner. They did so while touching it, and it didn’t shine.

“Mind if I try it out? I’ll pay for the magic stone.”

“S-Sure.”

“Rokuko is my partner.”

...It didn’t shine. That meant the store owner wasn’t fiddling with it from behind the scenes.

“This mythril holy symbol is proof of me being the Beddhist pope.” Oh, there it goes. Bright red. Guess this is the real thing.

“...Whaaat? That’s not proof of being the pope?”

“It’s just a random Beddhist holy symbol. I had a smith make it a second ago.”

The shopkeep switched out the magic stones. I bought one of the same size from the DP catalog and handed it over, then had them put their hands on it again.

“Alright then. I don’t really mind embracing this holy water and pillow into Beddhism. If they really work and there are no side effects, that is.”

“R-Really?”

“I don’t even mind giving the pillow my blessing right here and now.”

“O-Ohhh...!”

Though I don’t know how to bless things, so I’ll just be saying some random prayer over it.

“In return, tell me who brought these things to you. Who was it? Where’d they get them?”

“R-Right! Um, it was a passing by alchemist, and I bought them three days ago,” said the storekeep without any hesitation. The ball didn’t shine.

“What did this alchemist look like?”

“Right! Um, it was a woman with black hair just like yours! And really bright red eyes!”

A black-haired, red-eyed woman. I knew someone that fit that description exactly, and my mouth twitched at the thought of her. I had gotten some extraordinary information from a random alchemist workshop I just wandered into.

“Umm, she said she worships both Chaos and Beddhism. There was something about Beddhism being some kind of sub-religion you can worship on the side.”

A black-haired, red-eyed woman. Worshiping Beddhism and Chaos. Yeah, there was no doubt that they were talking about Leona.

“Oh, I also bought some God of Chaos potions from her. I can’t put most of them on the shelves, but take a look. Futanaruu and Tee S! Tree Grower and Weed Cutter! Some of these last a night and others are so pure they last forever! I really have no idea how she managed to get her hands on these. I know she said she made them herself, but I don’t know. I would have believed her a lot more if she said she stole them from a noble, but I haven’t heard any rumors like that,” said the shopkeeper while busting out a big box of potions. They were lined up in a beautiful gradient, going from translucent to thick and opaque. The fact that this slovenly shopkeeper bothered to organize them so much was a sign of how rare and valuable they were.

Anybody would take care with things that sell for as much as these do. But anyway, yeah, this is Leona’s work. It couldn’t be anyone but her.

I asked what the potions did just to double check, but I only knew one person who would bother to make potions with weirdo names like that. And yeah, there’s that TS potion again. I don’t know why she bothered to hide the word “transsexual” like that. Nobody in this world’s gonna understand wordplay like that. Well... Maybe that’s the idea, honestly.

“These will rake in a ton of cash at auctions, and she told me to carefully put them on sale one by one, but... I don’t mind changing plans for a pope! I can sell them to you for how much I bought them for!” The shopkeep was pushing the suspicious drugs on me kinda enthusiastically.

“...How much did you buy them for, anyway?”

“Mmm, I think it was ten golds for this Tee S potion that lasts six months.”

Ten golds...? That’s pretty expensive. That’d be about ten million yen. Definitely the kind of thing that only rich and famous people would buy. Oh, but I guess I dumped a hundred golds into the town’s budget without thinking too hard about it. Wataru’s really messing with my sense of scale for money. Curse you, Wataru... But wait. My inn’s grand suite costs twenty five golds, right. My bad.

“How much would they sell at an auction?”

“...About five to ten times as much as I bought them for. After all, the supply is way lower than the demand for them. Though I’ve heard there’s been a lot of them circulating in the underground through back channels lately.”

There’s that much demand for them?

“...So. If this six-month one costs ten golds, how much does the permanent one cost? I’m impressed you had enough money to buy them.”

“I sold the first ones I bought in the auction, used the profit to buy more, and kept that up until I could finally buy one of each of the permanent ones. They each cost me a thousand golds. Boy, am I glad I managed to buy them while she was still here.”

A thousand golds each...? There’s four of them here, which means collectively they cost more than all the debt I loaded onto Wataru. And that’s just how much they bought them for. It boggled the mind to think about how much they would make in an auction. If that five- to ten-times figure was trustworthy for them, then a single one of them would sell for more than all of Wataru’s debt. That would be more than enough for a normal person to live extravagantly for the rest of their life.

“...You said you bought this pillow three days ago, right?”

“She would come visit regularly to sell what she had. It was about once a week, usually. But she left on a journey after the last one. I don’t think she’s in the city anymore.”

“Really?” I sighed in relief. If Leona had still been here, it would have been too dangerous to stay, but since she was gone the reverse was true. The longer we stayed here, the better. She would be getting further away from us every day we waited.

“Alright. You can keep using the Beddhist name for that pillow, but not the holy water. Just sell it as a sleeping potion or something. Agree to that and I won’t come after you.”

“O-Okay. My apologies for the trouble.”

“...Also, I have an extremely bad history with that alchemist, so don’t tell her about me if she comes back. Pass off the name change as some random Beddhist dropping by and getting pissed.”

“Right, got it! Oh, and can you bless my pillows now?”

The storekeep started pulling out a ton of pillows from a storage room. How many pillows are there? Is this a pillow store?

...I put my holy symbol on the pillows, clasped my hands, and chanted “Oyasuminasai.” Did that have an effect? Not at all. It was the thought that counted in these kinds of things.