Epilogue

Igni broke through the floor of the Boss Room, and we found ourselves fairly high up in a [Flame Caverns] hallway. I thought for a second I would do more than sprain my ankles on landing, but Mr. Tent wrapped his tentacles around me and took the fall for me. He cushioned our landing successfully, then let go of me. Thanks to him my only injury was getting covered in slime.

“Thanks, Mr. Tent.”

Don’t sweat it, Master! he replied with some trembling tentacles.

In any case, I used {Purification} to get the goo off me, then checked up on Igni. “Heeey, you alright?”

“Uh-huh, I’m okay! I’m surprised you are too!” she exclaimed, and a second later we heard the hole closing above us. That was probably Ittetsu or Redra’s doing. Though the water had plankton inside and would thus flow farther down the dungeon. Oh well. It would evaporate before long. The [Flame Caverns] was pretty hot. Like, not “sunny day” hot, but “on the sun” hot.

“Yooo, Keima! Igni!” roared Ittetsu the Salamander as he raced down the passageway to us. Oh yeah, the passages are this big so Dragons and Salamanders can fit through... I nodded to myself just as he came to a full stop, scraping along the ground due to inertia.

“Dad! You’re alive again?!”

“I never died! Thanks to you two, hah!”

Igni jumped on Ittetsu and gave him a big happy hug.

“You sure you should be moving so soon?” I asked.

“You bet! Thanks to you getting rid of that thing, my sickness just fuckin’ died on the spot. I’m as good as ever. No need to worry about that eruption now!”

“Nice, that’s what I like to hear,” I replied. His good news was all that I could have asked for.

“Hrm? Keima, who the fuck’re those two?”

“Huh? Mr. Tent, what’ve you got there? Oh...” I took a closer look and saw that Mr. Tent had Alca and Count Lodol in his tentacles. “Oh, they were just lying on the ground?” They had probably, or rather, definitely flowed in with us through the hole Igni opened. Talk about some good luck.

“...Er, nah, don’t toss ’em. Well. I mean, I guess our quest was to save him, so...” We’ve already destroyed the Artificial Core, so there’s not really any point in finishing off Alca now. I’ll just carry them back. Mmm... They’re both unconscious, but they’re breathing and have pulses.

“But they might wake up on the way back, and that could be dangerous. Oh well. Ittetsu, could you guide Mr. Tent out on the straight path? Igni and I will just leave through the [Flame Caverns].”

“You got it! I’ll go ahead and tell Rokuko you’re alright, too!”

Oh, nice. She’s probably worried since our call ended out of nowhere like that.

“{Summon Gargoyle}, bam. Alright, Igni. You know where to go.”

“Uh-huh! Just follow me, Uncle!”

And so I followed Igni out of the [Flame Caverns] comfortably with Gargoyles carrying me and our two unconscious fellows. No enemies came after us. Those that did pop up were eaten on the spot by Igni. Gotta say, it feels kinda strange to see a loli dragging a Red Minotaur behind her with one hand while eating its raw meat with the other.

In the end, Alca and Count Lodol didn’t wake up before we sent them to Dragg, so it probably would have been better if we had just rushed home through the straight path as well.

# Count Lodol’s Perspective

“N-Ngggh... Ah?! This ceiling, I recognize it! This is my room! So it was all a dream,” Count Lodol said aloud.

“...My lord? My lord! I am so glad you’ve awoken!”

“Hrm? Oh, my steward. I... I feel as though this has happened before? But no matter. Ngh, my head is spinning. Careful now...” Count Lodol got out of bed and wavered on his feet. The steward quickly moved to support him. “Good grief, I had the most unfortunate nightmare. The Artificial Dungeon went berserk and I was locked inside the Control Room. I was dropped into a pitfall and then knocked unconscious, but I woke up in time to hear the High Priestess come to save me. It... It was a dream, yes.”

“Unfortunately, my lord, that was no dream. It truly happened...”

“Say... what...?” Count Lodol slumped over, all the strength leaving him. Naturally, he had guessed that himself. His hunger was hard to ignore, and it had felt too real to be a dream, particularly with how dry his throat had gotten over the half-day he spent locked up. Now his throat was wet for some reason, but his head hurt like he had hit something with it.

“So you are awake, Count Lodol,” said Alca the High Priestess. She was in the room as well, apparently. He had legitimately not noticed her due to the pain and fogginess of his head.

“Wh-Why hello there, High Priestess. How do you do?”

“Just fine. And fear not, I will charge for the healing magic alongside the rescue fee.”

Count Lodol swallowed hard. It would be a bit unreasonable to try to avoid paying for the rescue and healing... But, well, as long as the dungeon was safe, earning the money wouldn’t be too hard.

“My lord. I have an unfortunate report. The artificial dungeon, the [Golem Graveyard], has been destroyed...”

“What?! This can’t be!” Count Lodol exclaimed. They had finally started turning a profit from it, and now it was gone before he could reap all the riches.

“I’m afraid it’s true, Count Lodol. I would have liked to save the artificial dungeon if possible, but... I will inform my superiors that we nevertheless acquired much valuable data,” Alca said.

“High Priestess. The problem here was your artificial dungeon bugging out. In other words, it’s your responsibility as its supervisor, no?”

“Hm. You are not wrong.”

“I-In that case! I ask that you give me one more artificial dungeon seed, for free!” Count Lodol began, rushing up to the High Priestess, but that was when it happened.

“Apologies, but I will not be permitting that.” Cid Pavella, the next archduke of Pavella, entered the room.

“B-But why, Lord Cid?! Artificial dungeons are the next generation of dungeons! They are safe, and the proper form of dungeons!”

“Strong words coming from a man almost killed by one,” Cid replied. Count Lodol faltered.

“B-But, I...”

“Furthermore, I am told that the artificial dungeon was inducing an eruption within Tsia Mountain. As the future archduke of Pavella, I cannot allow something so dangerous on my land.”

“Ngh, ngggh!”

“My, my, Lord Cid. This all happened due to extenuating circumstances. Under normal circumstances, artificial dungeons are just as safe as Count Lodol says they are.”

“Why it happened doesn’t matter, does it? The artificial dungeon did go berserk, and it could happen again,” Cid said, and there was no argument against that.

“Besides that, what is all this about Tsia Mountain erupting?! This is my first time hearing about that!”

“Of course it is. The dungeon going berserk was going to cause it, and that happened right as you went missing. I was informed of this by a very trustworthy adventurer,” Cid said with a sigh. He himself had only been informed of it by the Adventurer’s Guild about half a day ago. Despite having spent days locked up in his room out of shock, the second he heard that, he rushed out and began directing the evacuation of Dragg. His behavior was fit for a future archduke known across the duchy as a prodigy.

“Though now that everything is settled, I’ve canceled the evacuation.”

“Are you certain it’s not nonsense?! I doubt a mere adventurer would be able to determine something like that! To think you would let yourself be manipulated by such obviously fake information.”

“...This warning was given by Keima Goren.”

“Gah! THAT FRAUDSTEEEER!” Count Lodol roared in anger, beating a fist against his bed. It sank into his layers of blankets.

“Calm down. If not for Sir Keima’s assistance, you would be buried deep underground right now.”

“Quite right. Keima heroically saved me as well,” Alca chimed in.

“Ngh!” Count Lodol choked. Keima had saved his life. That would mean he owed him a big debt... if it was true.

“Oh, it’s true. As is all that about the eruption,” Alca said flatly.

“Wh-What was that? Wh-Where... Where is your proof?!”

“I will inform you all of a secret that must be kept. Salamander, the great spirit of fire, serves Keima.”

The air in the room froze. Great spirits were lords of nature wielding so much power and influence that not even the Church of Light could ignore them.

“I was only half-conscious, but I saw Salamander with my own two eyes. And I heard him when he spoke thus: ‘Thanks to you, I contained the eruption.’ Not only that, but I heard Keima order him to leave before us, alongside one of Keima’s other summons.”

“Say... what...?”

“We survived by escaping the [Golem Graveyard] directly into the [Flame Caverns]. In other words, Keima undoubtedly wields the power to break dungeon walls. If we assume that power comes from the great spirit of fire, everything clicks into place,” Alca explained with an almost dreamy, loving tone in her voice. It was certainly true that it was impossible to destroy dungeon walls through normal means, but Keima knew it was possible to be buried within a wall. He had destroyed dungeon walls multiple times before.

“I swear upon the Light God that all I have said here is true. However, the trump cards of adventurers must be kept secret. I ask that you speak of this to no one.”

The High Priestess had sworn to the Light God that she was speaking the truth. There was no doubting her, then.

And as for the great spirit of fire... well. If Salamander said Tsia Mountain was on the verge of eruption, it surely had been.

“I see... Actually, that makes more sense to me. It explains everything. Keima was capable of sending the Dragon fleeing precisely because the great spirit of fire serves him.”

“I-I can’t believe this! Nggh...!”

Everything made too much sense. There was no questioning it. One could only guess what good fortune had made it so, but the great spirit of fire undoubtedly served that fraudster. It was thanks to him that Keima was able to control a fire-wielding Dragon and make it his pawn. In conclusion: All of Keima’s accomplishments were, in fact, legitimate.

“Count Lodol. I believe you will want to rest at your home estate for now. House Pavella will look after Dragg for you.”

“What?! M-My lord, that’s just...!” Count Lodol stammered. Cid was quite clearly confiscating Dragg from him.

“...Listen well. Keima may have saved your life, but just think about all that you have done to him. It’s not hard to imagine that he is furious with you, Count Lodol. Do you want to make an enemy of a great spirit?”

“Ngh, b-but... But...!” Count Lodol stammered, still floundering. It was clear that he still couldn’t believe it, or at least didn’t want to believe it. Cid sighed and looked at Alca.

“Did you hear that, honorable High Priestess? Count Lodol doesn’t believe your word. It seems he wishes to make an enemy of you as well.”

“Oh, my. I suppose I shall offer him no further support, then.”

Count Lodol paled at both Cid and Alca ganging up against him. “Th-That is not the case at all, High Priestess! I believe you! I believe everything you say!”

Cid grinned. “Now then. If you understand the situation, and still refuse to rest at home, then you will have to take responsibility another way. We must quell the great spirit’s anger. Perhaps dropping your decapitated head into the volcano is the best way to handle that. What do you think, Count Lodol?” Cid asked, and only then did Count Lodol understand. If the great spirit was serving Keima, then making an enemy of Keima was making an enemy of the great spirit and the Dragon, and House Pavella would certainly execute Count Lodol in that case. Of course they would. The customs of Pavella’s former royal family would give them no option but to cut his head off or let themselves be burned to pieces by the great spirit and Dragon. Cid providing him an opportunity to rest instead was undoubtedly an act of unparalleled kindness.

“Lord Cid! Your humble servant Ringen Lodol feels tired from these events and requests some time to rest, sir!”

And so, Count Lodol decided to rest at home.

# Keima’s Perspective

The day after conquering the artificial dungeon, I ended up going to Dragg’s town chief residence to talk with Cid. Niku and Masked Maid #1 (Ichika) came with me just in case. Entering the parlor with the two of them following behind reminded me of the first time I visited Dragg.

“Count Lodol was so exhausted by recent events that he has elected to rest at his home estate back at the city.”

“Hm? Oh, alright. Tell him to get well soon.” Feels like someone would rather go on vacation for resting like that, but, well... I guess this world isn’t industrialized or anything, so even a city has clean air and stuff. Guess it makes sense he’d rest in a convenient place like that.

“Henceforth, House Pavella will take administrative control of Dragg. That would make me the town chief. Here’s to a long and fruitful relationship, Sir Keima.”

“Er, right. Same to you, Cid. Let’s be good neighbors.”

“I’m glad you feel the same.”

Cid and I exchanged a handshake. Huh. This ten-year-old sure is acting tough, huh? Guess this is what they call having a firm spirit... Apparently, he was locking himself in his room over a lost love until yesterday, but who can blame him? He’s still ten, after all.

“Yesterday’s incident was entirely the fault of Pavella. I will formally apologize to you.”

“Alright. I mean, actually, don’t sweat it. I’m not worried about it. Also, mind if I ask where Lady Alca is?”

“Ah, yes. She’s still in this estate. I believe she is planning to return to her kingdom soon, now that the artificial dungeon is gone.”

Soon. Yeah, she’s probably gonna spend the night in our inn. Hey, she’s welcome to stay a night or two, as long as she pays and doesn’t try to destroy our dungeon.

“Still, this certainly was one huge mess,” Cid said with a sigh.

“Y’know, they say sighing keeps happiness away.”

“Oh? Is that a Beddhist saying?”

“Nah, just a commoner’s advice. So, what happened?” I asked, and Cid began talking as if he had been waiting for me to ask this entire time.

“Right. As you know, the dungeon is gone now, and that means we have nowhere for all the criminal slaves to work. Not even expanding the farms for them is an option, since we don’t quite have enough water.”

Oh, those guys. Hopefully he just sends them far, far away from here.

“I mean, they’re slaves, right? Why not just sell them?”

“They are much more dedicated and hard-working than most criminal slaves. I have to admit to considering them an asset I don’t want to lose. Especially since half of them are quite insistent about wanting to keep working here.”

They’d high-tail it outta here if I turned into Succuma and asked them to, but I don’t really want to put myself through that again. I’d lose almost as much as I would gain...

“There’s nowhere else for them to work?”

“Hmm. The inn the count built is full of empty rooms, but we can’t exactly have criminal slaves in such a high-class inn.”

Actually, didn’t it turn out that Ichika is a criminal slave? Eh, whatever. Our inn just does whatever it wants. And apparently, Ichika was just trapped into being enslaved somehow, rather than doing anything wrong, so yeah.

“To that end, I’m thinking of closing the luxury inn and restructuring it as another kind of store.”

Oh, that’s no good. That’ll make all the customers visiting your inn go back to visiting ours.

“Why not just have the employees working at the cheap inn go work at the fancy inn instead, then use the slaves for the cheap inn? I’ll even help improve the fancy inn if you need it.”

“...What? Er. Really?” Cid replied, looking shocked. “W-Would that not be stealing your customers and profit?”

“Let’s just say that as the pope of Beddhism, I’d like to see all inns improved. Besides, according to what my trustworthy partner said, it’d be pretty easy to fix up the place.”

After all, I hear the main problem is the bedding. All I have to do is toss some futons their way and they get more business while my inn gets none! It’s a win-win!

“I’ll provide some Beddhist bedding for you. Don’t worry, the price will be reasonable. Oh, right. Doesn’t Pavella love public baths? How about I build one of those and let customers of your high-class inn stay there as much as they like?” Oh, but I don’t think they like cold water. Whiiich gives me an idea.

“I have an onsen-making magic tool from the dungeon. I’ll let you use it for this.”

“What?! Those exist?!” Cid said, turning to face me with a serious look on his face. He had taken the bait. “But I must ask... How does it function? Does it dig into the earth, or does it produce hot water?”

“It produces hot water. The only thing is, it’s got a lot of weird restrictions, and I need to test it a bit to make sure it works here. I can’t use it at my place since we have a natural onsen.”

It should be fine to just stick a customized [Water Source] into a pillar and call it a magic tool. I could get it all for about 2,000 DP easy, and we earned more than that from Dragg in a day already.

“That said, I’m pretty sure it’ll work just fine in Dragg. Though I’ll need to do a bit of a ritual.”

Something with a trap inside of it would stop working once I removed it from the Dungeon floor, so I would need to make part of Dragg a floor and set the trap on it. But I could hide in a tent and say I needed to do some ritual to make it work. All I had to do was include hiding the ritual as a condition for lending the tool.

Also, I would ultimately be renting it to them. That was an important detail. Reason being, by charging rent I could get free money, just like the income from the tunnel! And since I owned the tool, I could ask for it back as blackmail if any problems arose between our towns.

Heheheh. This way, they won’t go out of their way to cause problems again. Which means I can sleep more!

“How terrifying. To think a Dragon-conquering legend would be a master of negotiations as well...”

“To be fair, I’m not actually much of a fighter.”

Cid was giving a bemused smile. He probably noticed that this gift would prove to be a weakness for me to exploit. Man, him and Maiodore, huh? Noble children sure are smart.

In the unlikely event that they refused to return it when I asked, I could just fiddle with its settings from the dungeon and stop it from working. ‘Only we of Goren know how to fix it’ (read: have access to the on/off setting). It was perfect.

“How much for it?”

“We can negotiate. Though I actually don’t know the market price for magic tool rentals, so I’m gonna ask you to negotiate with Dyne, the merchant in our town. You can pay him for it too.” Lemme just push all the work onto Dyne! At times like this, it’s best to leave everything to people who actually know how things work. Dyne won’t complain as long as he gets a handling fee. And hey, no fee is too high if it means making my life easier.

“Oh, by the way. About the artificial dungeon’s ruins,” I continued.

“...What about them?”

“If you dig it up, you’ll probably find a ton of Iron Golem corpses.”

Indeed. We had failed to recover most of the Iron Golems we sent to the Dungeon Battle, and the majority of our army had been buried in the collapsing dungeon. That meant there was a ton of iron waiting to be dug up, not to mention all the weak Iron Golems that the artificial dungeon itself had been making.

“There were lots of Golems in that dungeon. Why not have those slaves dig them up for a bit?” At the very least there’s over two hundred Golems’ worth, so it should take a while to dig it all up.

“...Now that is some valuable information. Oh, and yes. I would gladly rent that magic tool from you. It seems as if you have just solved all my problems for me, Sir Keima. Haha,” Cid laughed with a conflicted smile. “What can I do for you in return?”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Let’s just stay on good terms.”

And so, the meeting with Dragg ended calmly. Cid seemed intent on repaying me, which I guess had to do with Pavella being the duchy of merchants.

# Wozma’s Perspective

“Town chief, I am in disbelief,” Wozma said after after seeing Keima the next day, and who could blame him? Ichika had briefed him on the situation yesterday after Keima went to bed immediately upon returning.

“R-Right. Sorry, Wozma. Did I go too far?”

“Yes, you went too far.” And anybody could tell he had. Cid had distanced Count Lodol from Dragg for his antagonism toward Goren, and Keima had rewarded that so excessively it was absurd. Had he just been that worried about Count Lodol? No, Keima had barely thought of him at all. It was Wozma and the villagers who were concerned, and maybe that was why Keima had been so considerate. After all, it was Keima himself who had saved Count Lodol’s life.

“Hahahaha, well... I’ll settle down for a bit and go back to being a nice ol’ figurehead.”

“What were you thinking? Good grief.” What a kind town chief. So kind it’s actually cruel, Wozma thought with a sigh.

The discussion yesterday was meant to be an opportunity for Cid to bow his head and do what Keima demanded as an apology. But after Cid sent Count Lodol to rest, which was the metaphorical head bowing, Keima made no demands. Not only that, he had quickly provided information and solutions to the three problems plaguing Dragg—dealing with the criminal slaves, a water shortage, and the inn that was losing money.

It was obviously excessive. Anyone could see that Dragg now owed an enormous debt to Keima. But Cid, being on the side apologizing for misdeeds, could hardly refuse Keima’s suggestions.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that Dragg was now under the de facto control of Goren... or rather, under the control of Keima. Dragg would have no choice but to obey any command Keima gave, no matter how extreme. The town had been weakened significantly, and in negotiations, Keima had shown no mercy. The magic tool that made an onsen was so convenient that one could only think he had specifically hidden its existence to use as an ultimate trump card.

“In any case, what will the price for the rental of the magic tool be? As you are the only one to have found such a tool, it is your decision.”

“Uhhh, just go with whatever a fair price for something like that would be.”

“A fair price? Understood. I will convey such to Dyne.”

“Thanks. Don’t rip him off, okay? There are plenty of these out there.”

Dragg already owed Goren a pile of debts. It seemed Keima intended to add onto that pile by renting the tool at a fair price. Cid would no doubt attempt to overpay for the tool, his last opportunity to pay apology money to Goren and reduce his debt. Dyne, on the other hand, was more than familiar with Keima’s methods by now.

In short, the negotiation table would end up quite strange as the buyer suggested an extremely high price, while the seller suggested a significantly lower price. Since Goren’s town chief was saying not to overcharge, the ultimate price would be on the lower end. A shame for Dragg’s town chief, surely. They could have paid back all their debt in a simple, understandable way if only they had the opportunity to pay an exploitative rental fee.

Keima dominating Dragg with a mountain of gratitude-based debt was so superb, one could put it in a textbook.

# Keima’s Perspective

Alca the High Priestess visited our Dancing Doll Inn. Naturally, I was a bit trepidatious about having Neruneh handle her at the receptionist desk, since our friendly ol’ apprentice witch had a sharp tongue and verbally abused even Heroes, so I took her place ahead of time.

“Keima. As promised, I have come to stay the night.”

“Thanks for coming, High Priestess. Do you, uh, have the money to stay?”

“Of course. Shento, pay the good man.”

“Yes, milady!” The servant standing next to her took a bag out of the altar on his back and placed it on the counter. That sure is a lot of coins... Uhh, what, there’s a hundred and eighty one? That sure is a weird number of coins to pay.

“This seems to be too much. Our grand suite is twenty five gold coins per night, and the A-Rank dinner is five gold coins each.”

“I would like to stay for a week’s worth—six days. A-Rank meals will suffice.”

Oh. Ohhhh.

The drawback to her {Treaty}, that she couldn’t enter the dungeon after seventy two hours of the spell being in effect, didn’t matter in the least since the artificial dungeon had been destroyed, which meant she could spend plenty of time here relaxing. The other gold coin paid for her servant staying in a normal room for six days. Tip included!

...Well, she technically paid for eating a kid’s lunch every day, but I’ll go ahead and swap the menu up daily for her. Might as well throw in the shortcake I promised her, too.

“Okay. Now we just need to get you to your rooms.”

“Indeed. Shall we go, Keima?”

...Well, I guess I have to guide her now, I thought just as Ichika conveniently passed by.

“Whoa, hey there, Alca. There’s gonna be a rat race soon, wanna come?” she said.

“Yes,” Alca replied instantly. “I stayed at the grand suite last time and, on second thought, can find it again on my own,” she continued before taking the key and heading off to the recreation building with Ichika.

Different name, same person. Oh, right. Here you go, Shento. The room’s thataway.

＊ ＊ ＊

In the end, the rental fee Dyne negotiated for the onsen magic tool was eighty percent of the net income. Cid began negotiations offering to pay based on the water used, the entry fees, and so on, but Dyne stuck to eighty percent no matter what. I was impressed he pulled it off—eighty percent is like taking half of the profits, then another half of that, and then a little bit extra just out of spite. He was as skilled of a negotiator as I could ask for. Good thing I left it to him.

Though, uh, that is a fair price, right? We’re not taking too much? I don’t want him pissed at us. Oh? It should be fair enough for him to be feeling gratitude? Alright then. Anyway, it’s eighty percent of the net income post expenses, so we should still both be earning money here. They won’t pay the money when they’re in the red, but that’s just standard practice.

And thus, with the fee settled, I brought the onsen-producing magic tool to Dragg. Once I was told they were ready, I borrowed a wagon from Dyne and stuck it on.

...Incidentally, the magic tool was just a one meter tall cube with a [Water Source] stuck onto it. While on the wagon, it was just a plain chunk of stone. Oh, and since [Water Sources] have options for fiddling with the kind of water, all I had to do was set it to “onsen water”. Worst case scenario, I could just set the heat to high, but this option would make it more like proper onsen water. But hopefully not a sulfur onsen. Those stink pretty bad.

Accompanying me were Niku and Ichika (Masked Maid #1). At this point the three of us had become the Dragg Squad, including Ichika always being in her masked maid outfit.

“By the by, Master. I got a real deal question for ya.”

“’Sup?”

“Why aren’tcha just putting that in {Storage}, man? That’d be hella easier.”

Oh. Uh... Good point.

“Masked Maid Number One. In terms of convenience, just buying the block there would be even easier. I am sure that Master is doing this for a reason,” Niku said confidently, which just made it hurt worse. Uhhhh.

“The plan is to show everyone that the magic tool is a huge stone block. Any would-be thieves will see this and give up on it, yeah? By showing it off ahead of time, we can discourage thievery.”

“Uh-huh. Nice one, Master. Not bad for some bullcrap you just made up.”

“Hey!” Don’t call it bullcrap. Even though it is.

“’Cause I mean, man. They could steal it no prob if they have {Storage}.”

“...Okay, that’s true.” Theft prevention might just be pretty dang hard in this world.

We found Cid waiting for us at the other end of the tunnel to Dragg. He had some guards with him.

“There you are, Keima! I’ve been waiting.”

“Oh, my bad. Am I late?”

“No. I just came early. Is that the magic tool?” Cid asked, already expressing his full interest in the stone pillar in the wagon.

“Yup. So, where do you need it?”

“I was thinking we’ll try out the center of town first. Follow me,” Cid said, and we followed him to a potential spot for it.

Hm... Yep, this is well within dungeon territory. Should be fine. Not to mention that there’s already channels for water and stuff, so just letting the water run should be fine. The place is set up so well, I really have to wonder what he planned to do if this place didn’t work out.

“...I see there’s already water channels here, huh. What was the plan if I couldn’t make an onsen here?”

“Oh, that would be fine. We would just need to extend these water channels a bit. It’s just that this spot would be the fastest and most convenient. Not to mention, I believe in you, Keima,” Cid said with a straight face. Well, uh... Your faith will be rewarded?

Getting straight to the ritual, I had Cid’s guards help set up a tent to hide us from any onlookers. I then brought the one-meter-tall stone cube out and placed it on the stand that had been prepared. Niku did that, picking it up and carrying it easily with one hand. One of Cid’s guards thought it was lighter than it looked and tried to lift it too, but it was so heavy he couldn’t manage it even with two arms. Behold the fearsome might of an orichalcum-supported puppy. Within her is true power.

After that, I just had to place the {Water Source} in it.

“Alright, time for the ritual. Everyone but me and Kuro, please leave. Ichika, you keep watch outside the tent.”

“You got it.”

“By the way,” Cid interjected, “Is there anything else we can do?”

“Hm? Uh, let’s see... Actually, yes. Cid, can I ask you for a little favo—”

“Yes, you may! Ask anything!” Cid replied enthusiastically. A-Alright? He sure seems cooperative. Is he that excited about the onsen magic tool? I mean, I guess I understand how he feels. Baths feel great. {Purification} just can’t capture the same feeling.

“So, what do you need?”

“The ritual’s top secret. Can I ask you to make sure nobody’s hanging around the area?”

“Oh, that? Consider it done. I swear nobody will approach until you call for us.”

Alright, that gives me room to do lots of things. Aaand makes sure I don’t have to see any of the Last Commune guys again.

With Cid taking care of the crowd, Niku and I could finally get to work on the magic tool ritual. That said, as I mentioned, there wasn’t much to actually do. I just had to place a customized [Water Source] onto it from the menu. Bing bang boom, done. Dungeons sure are convenient. Wait, does that count as a compliment for Rokuko...? Am I praising her? Huh.

“I’ll set it to pour out enough for a natural onsen. The heat’ll have to be hotter than our onsen for it to not cool down. Water content... normal onsen ratios,” I said aloud, fiddling with the menu while Niku stayed on guard just in case. Though it was set to be invisible, so all anyone would see was just me tapping my fingers in the air beside the stone block.

Alright, that should do it. Now I just need to hit the confirm button.

But if I ended it that fast, they would question whether I had really performed the ritual, and I really wouldn’t know what to say to that. Thus, I decided to kill time instead. I wonder how the artificial dungeon excavation project is going? I thought, opening the monitor.

“Dig for mama’s saaaake!”

“Dig for the holy mother’s saaake!”

...And I closed it. Good to see the criminal slaves still working hard... Nice weather out there, huh? Oh, Niku. If you’re gonna nap, can I use your lap as a pillow?

＊ ＊ ＊

I woke up from my nap, reality having been successfully escaped for a bit.

“Master, are we done?”

“Yeah, it should be fine to say the ritual’s done now. All we gotta do now is tell them the water will keep flowing as long as they regularly swap out the magic stone.”

Most magic tools absolutely require magic stones to function, but a [Water Source] was a dungeon object and thus didn’t need one. The plan was to avoid suspicion by having them offer up a new magic stone each week. All I had to do was retrieve the magic stone stealthily, and consider it part of the rental fee.

It was kind of like building an inn to get both DP and the inn fees. Always getting two sources of payment for these kinds of things was why being both a Dungeon Master and a town chief was so profitable. Though, well, a single magic stone’s not much compared to a whole town’s worth of DP. I’ll just turn it into a Golem Blade (Magic Blade) or something.

Anyway, I pressed the “place” button on the [Water Source]. Water began flowing out of the block, which was a part of our dungeon. It wasn’t shooting out like water from a hose, though. Rather, it overflowed out from the [Water Source] within. It was like the cube was enveloped in a veil, and the water raced down to the stand while radiating steam.

It probably would spray out if the holes were smaller, I thought while adjusting the heat and water amount.

...Oh. I need to make a slot for the magic stones with {Create Golem}. I can make a small door on the side and... Nah, that really gets in the way of the water. Let me adjust the walls so the water flows around it... Move the [Water Source] itself a bit... Actually, maybe I can just dig into it... Carefully, so I don’t break it... This kind of looks like a Merlion now. Maybe I should fiddle with the decoration a bit to make it look like a lion more? No, wait. Water coming from a lion’s mouth would be like drool. Nobody wants that. Change of plans. I’ll just push the [Water Source] further inside and have it come out of smaller tunnels.

“Okay, done.”

“Good work, Master.”

In the end, the onsen maker ended up as a basic cube with water gushing out of small holes without much force. I made a small door on one side of the onsen where no water was coming out, and they could just fit the magic stone inside. I would retrieve it at some random point to make it seem like the magic stone had been used up.

...Oh. How about I stick the cube to the stand with {Create Golem}? That way there’ll be no way to steal it. Nice. That sounds good to me. Let me just lock it in place, aaand, done.

Thus ended the activation ritual for the onsen magic tool. All that was left was telling Cid, recovering the tent, and going home. Maybe due to all the steamy hot water, when I left the tent, the cold air felt really refreshing.

I told Ichika the ritual was done, and Cid came over not long after.

“Sir Keima. It seemed like you spent a lot of time in there even after the water started flowing. Were there any problems?”

“Nope, it went just fine. Really, the most important part of the ritual is after the hot water starts flowing. Want to take a look?”

“Oh, I can? Allow me, then.”

I beckoned Cid into the tent to show him my masterpiece. Behold. This is the onsen magic tool!

“Aha, I see. Holes open into the cube and water comes out of them. Very interesting design.”

“By the way, there’s a small door at the back for you to put magic stones into.”

“I see... But there’s a lot more water than I expected. Does it function for only a small portion of the day?”

“Nah, pretty sure it never stops.”

“In other words... it goes all day?”

“Yep. Is there a problem with that?” I asked since he looked a bit bemused, but Cid shook his head.

“No, it’s just that producing this much water must demand quite the quantity of magic stones.”

“Uhhh... I think it’ll work fine for a week on a single Iron Golem’s magic stone,” I said. Might as well make it cheap to run so they don’t end up unable to afford the operating fees. I’d have to stop it through the menu each time, which would be a pain.

“D-Dungeon magic tools certainly are something. Human-made ones can’t even compare.”

“Yup. This sure is a dungeon magic tool.”

“...With this much water being produced a day, the entire town need not worry about water again.”

“Will the water channels be fine?”

“Yes, perfectly fine. We were right to listen to Sir Dyne’s warnings.”

I didn’t know what Dyne had told him, but I was glad to hear there weren’t any problems. It’s nice to have competent subordinates.

“So yeah, that’s all the work on our end. The rest is up to you.”

“Indeed. I will strive to begin earning revenue to send your way as soon as possible.”

Cid and I exchanged a firm handshake. Alright, that’s that for the magic tool. Now I just need to get home and sleep!

“Incidentally, there’s something else I would like to discuss with you, Keima... Do you have the time?”

“...What is it? I’ll warn you now, I’m not gonna agree to any tedious favors,” I replied casually, but for diplomatic reasons I couldn’t refuse Cid’s invitation and was thus stuck going to Dragg’s chief residence. Oh wow, there’s a lot more vases inside here now.

Once I took my seat, one of Cid’s maids set cups of tea on the table in front of us.

“Thanks to that magic tool, we’ll be able to use water without restraint here.”

“Huh? If you’re gonna use it for living water, maybe I should boost how much it produces?”

“No, that amount is enough. We’ve been using rain water and water-producing magic tools ourselves. It rains reasonably often here... though of course, this is all common knowledge to you, as town chief of Goren.”

Yeah, of course rain falls here. Though the weather is completely different on opposite sides of the mountains for some reason.

“So, what do you want to talk about? I’m not interested in any fishy get-rich-quick schemes.”

“It’s not a bad deal. I think it’ll benefit us both.”

“So you say, but pretty much everyone who offers bad deals claims they’re good deals. Who would admit to offering a bad deal?”

“Fair... Er, it’s a good deal, and it isn’t fishy? Does that sound better?”

“Just tell me what it is already. I’ll at least hear what you have to say,” I said, urging him on. Cid nodded and slowly began to speak.

“In short, I want to strengthen the bond between House Pavella and you, Keima.”

“Alright. So you want to form a stronger bond between Goren and Dragg.”

“...More or less. And the best way to do that is a marriage. What do you think?”

“Uh-huh... So you want someone from Goren to marry someone from House Pavella?”

“No... Or, well, I suppose. Yes, I suppose that’s what I mean.”

Well. This sure is a classic. House Tsia did the same thing with political marriages. Yeah, I’m kind of an expert here. Nobles always try to use blood to form bonds.

“Sorry, but I’m gonna have to decline. I’ve got Rokuko.”

“Er, no. I’m not talking about you, Sir Keima. I mean Lady Kuroinu.”

“Wait, what?”

Cid looked Niku’s way. “May I ask for your hand in marriage?” he asked in a serious tone.

“...Master,” Niku said, looking my way with worry and not knowing how to reply.

“Hold it, Cid. You’re just putting Kuro in a bad spot here. What kind of joke is this?”

“I’m serious!” Cid said, doubling down despite Niku’s reaction. I closed my eyes and thought.

Aaah, I wish I could just fall asleep here. This can’t work, right? It could never work. I seem to recall Vice Chief Wozma telling me not to do any work for a bit. Weeelp.

...Anyway, enough avoiding reality.

“Put simply, Kuro’s already betrothed to Maiodore. You missed your chance.”

“You seem to be misunderstanding something, Sir Keima. I’m not suggesting that Lady Kuroinu end her betrothal with Maiodore.”

“...Wait, what?”

“Nobles practice polygamy,” Cid said with a confident grin.

Polygamy. In other words, a special guy overflowing with talent and status getting multiple wives. Most of the time, anyway. But if his first and second wives don’t like each other, the husband gets squashed between them as their relationship turns into a bloody battleground of tedious drama. There are lines of succession, wills, inheritance, and just nothing but tedious, tedious, tedious junk! Polygamy is a lifetime of work and hell.

“No, no, no, no, no way. Polygamy is out of the question.”

“But wouldn’t it be perfect? Lady Kuroinu, Maiodore, and I could all be together just like that.”

“Won’t there be fights over who’s the main wife...? Wait, uh, I guess not.”

“Yeah, anyone could tell just by looking. Maiodore would be the main wife, of course,” Cid said. It was obvious because Niku was a slave and Maiodore was an archduke’s daughter.

“But still, what’s the point of going that far? What do we really gain?”

“The rumors say that Lady Kuroinu is your daughter, Sir Keima. Lady Kuroinu and I marrying would make you my father-in-law. I promise that my father, the archduke of Pavella, would provide you with gracious support. I will even provide a contract,” Cid said while taking out a contract that already had “Sravayu Pavella — Archduke of Pavella” signed at the bottom.

“Wait, is that real?”

“It’s real. I swear on the name Cid Pavella—Cidolfus Pavella.”

“Convincing, but there’s nobody here who can confirm that for me.”

Cid took out three more pre-signed contracts. They were all written the same way.

“One for you, one for House Pavella, one for House Tsia, and one for the Adventurer’s Guild. It was quite a tall order for my father since the actual contents had to be so vague. Still, he signed them immediately when I said they would be important for deepening our bond with you, Keima.”

...Okay, if he’s sending one out to the Adventurer’s Guild too, it’s probably not a fake.

“I’m honored, but no.”

I read the contract just to be sure, but all it said was “If this marriage occurs, the towns of Goren and Dragg will support each other” in simple language lacking any long-winded noble euphemisms. Everything except the marriage was left undescribed, and it basically implied Dragg would do anything for the sake of Goren. Should you really have signed something like this, Archduke of Pavella?

...Well, not that I intend to make Niku engage in polygamy. Unless she wants it, that is.

“But why? Forgive what will sound like bragging, but I believe I am on the handsome side, and I’m told I’m a quick thinker. It’s not so apparent when you’re around, Keima, but I am even known across the duchy as a once-in-a-lifetime prodigy. If I were you, I would accept this contract without a second thought.”

“Then why were you turned down by House Tsia, Cid? They must have had some problem with marrying into House Pavella,” I said, and Cid smirked as if I had walked right into his trap.

“You seem to be misunderstanding something, Sir Keima,” Cid said before taking out a red potion—Tee S, the sex-changing drug.

“...What?”

“I’m the second wife, Dad.”

...Are you insane, Cid? Or, well, I guess if, diplomatically speaking, Niku is Maiodore’s husband and thus a guy, it makes sense that Cid would offer himself as a wife... Maybe? Still, he should know by now that Niku is actually a girl... Eugh. Don’t make this mess of sex and gender any more complicated than it already is, please.

“I’ll have to talk about Bonodore about this first.”

“I suppose so. Just know that I’m serious. Oh, want to keep your copy of the contract, Dad?”

“Nah, I’m good. And stop calling me Dad.”

“Ah, I got ahead of myself there. My apologies, Sir Keima,” Cid said while putting away the contracts. It felt as if I could hear Leona, the God of Chaos, laughing from within the red potion somehow.

＊ ＊ ＊

In any case, after quite a tumultuous week, it was time for Alca the High Priestess to return home. She hadn’t done anything major in particular while at the inn, but just being around her at all was exhausting. I was very much looking forward to her leaving soon.

Since she technically was a VIP from another country staying in our grand suite, I guided her all the way to Tsia Mountain’s tunnel to see her off.

“Keima. Are you certain you do not wish to return to the Holy Kingdom with me?”

“Sorry, but it’s not happening.”

“I see... What a shame. Still, I imagine there will be endless opportunities for us to meet in the future, Keima. A man strong and wise enough to save even the immortal High Priestess is no doubt tied up in the strings of fate,” Alca said with a small, blissful smile.

“Keima,” she continued after a pause. “Would you care to turn around for a moment?”

“Huh? Uh, sure?” I said before turning around, only for Alca to embrace me from behind. Wait, wh-what?!

“I ask that you face away... If you were to look at me, I would be too embarrassed to speak.”

“Er, okay...?” I replied, and Alca wrapped her arms around my waist while pushing her body against mine. The soft body only an adult woman could have squished pleasantly against mine. Her sweet flowery scent tickled my nose.

“Thank you ever so much for saving my life last week,” she said, probably referring to when I carried her out of the collapsing artificial dungeon while she was unconscious. That was the only thing I could think of.

“That was the first time I have ever come back alive from such a dangerous situation. As you know, as the High Priestess I have a {Revival} skill, and in most situations I exit dungeons by dying.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t have to die this time. Staying alive is a good thing.”

“...Indeed. It certainly is. And... erm, I... ahem.” Alca seemed like she wanted to say something, but just couldn’t get it out.

“If you have something to say, feel free to just say it. I’m all ears.”

“Ah... Yes, yes indeed,” she replied, then took a deep breath before continuing. “Forgive me. I was wrong to say the eruption would be a good thing.”

Oh, that...?

“It seems that years of working as the High Priestess has dulled my appreciation for the sanctity of life and the fearsomeness of death. Only upon you saving my life did I remember how valuable life truly is...” she said, trailing off. I didn’t know what internal debate had raged within her, but I could tell that saying those words had taken a lot of courage for her. Someone taking on the role of a High Priestess no doubt felt that they had to never make mistakes, never say the wrong thing, and certainly never go back on their past words. Even Rei had been tense about always “being in the right” and living up to her role, and she was just the High Priestess of a chill religion like Beddhism. I couldn’t even imagine how much pressure the High Priestess of the Church of Light must feel to always be the epitome of correct virtue.

“There’s nothing to forgive. You said what you thought, and now you’ve changed your mind. That’s fine and normal. Don’t sweat it, High Priestess.”

“Aaah... Keima. If you would permit it, I would love nothing more than to steal you away to the side of light at once,” Alca said, squeezing me tighter. And then...

“I’M NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEEEN!” Rokuko yelled, rushing up to us.

“...Again? Must you interrupt every romantic moment my lover and I attempt to have?”

“Wh-What the heck are you even saying?! Keima’s my partner, not yours! Get off him, get OFF!” Rokuko tried pulling Alca and I apart with all her might. But despite her best efforts, Alca remained snugly pressed against me. She was simply too strong for Rokuko to move even an inch.

“Keima, fight back a little!”

“I’m going to be real here, I literally cannot move.” I had actually been trying to get her off me for some time now, but she was squeezing me so firmly I couldn’t even flail in place. That was in part due to giving Niku the orichalcum support without fixing my own, but Alca was also hugging my arms against my waist in a way that kept them pinned down.

“Ahaha. It seems Keima accepts my love, at the very least.”

“No, he doesn’t! He would never! Why are you even here?!”

“Keima was very enthusiastic about me staying at his inn before I left.”

You have very loose standards for what defines “enthusiastic.”

“Keima! Is! Mine! Okay?!”

“My, my, my,” Alca replied, finally letting me go. It was less Rokuko successfully ripping her off and more Alca just deciding to let go. “Monopolization is not a good thing, Rokuko. The Church of Light teaches that we must share good things with each other.”

“I don’t care! I’m a Beddhist! And Keima’s the pope of Beddhism, even!” Rokuko said, this time hugging me as if to keep me from being stolen away. Various soft places pressed against the front of my body. Uh. Please?

“Ahaha. I have heard much about your ‘sub religion’ without a god... It’s very cute. Though taken another way, it means that if Keima alone joins the Church of Light, then all of you will be members as well. Isn’t that right, Keima?”

“No, everyone’s free to choose their own main religion.”

“Oh, my, what a shame,” Alca said before embracing me from behind again.

“Eep?! H-Hey! What are you doing?!” Rokuko exclaimed.

“Rokuko. Just so that we are all the same page... You know that I am perfectly fine with granting you my love as well, yes?” she said, this time reaching far enough to wrap her arms around Rokuko as well with me in the middle. In other words, I was being sandwiched between Rokuko and Alca in a three-person hug. And yes, that meant Rokuko and I were facing each other head-on, with her face right up close to mine.

“Oh my. Keima, your heart is pounding harder than before. I see that Rokuko joining us truly is important for you. Ahahaha.”

“Hey, wait! Stop! Don’t touch me in weird places... Eep!” Rokuko cried, making cute noises. Where the hell are you touching her, Alca? Hello? Excuse me?

Rokuko pushed forward to get away from Alca’s hands. Which meant her soft body pressed against mine even closer. Her face flushed crimson. Alca’s hands went even further... leading Rokuko to let out more cute, sweet cries while hugging me as tight as she could. Alca wasn’t letting either of us escape.

“K, Keimaaaa... Nnn... Nmmm...”

Hold it. Too much. I can’t take it anymore.

“Alca, let us go. This joke has gone too far.”

“So you don’t want me to take you both away to the Holy Kingdom?” Alca whispered into my ear, her hot breath tickling me.

“No. We’re fine here.”

“My, my, how cruel. You would spurn my most heartfelt request, dear? Ahaha.”

Uh, why isn’t anyone helping?! Come on, servant guy! Don’t just look away! Stop her!

“A’ight, a’ight, I think that’s enough, High Priestess. My master’s got a pure heart and those honkers of yours aren’t doing him any favors,” Ichika said while walking over, probably having been summoned by Rokuko.

“Oh, my. If it isn’t Ichika... Ahaha, I must confess, his heart is so pure I’m almost hesitant to taint it. But the allure is oh so intoxicating. Would you like to join us?”

“I’m gonna have to pass. Like, believe me, I’d friggin’ love to join, but I’m kinda a slave here, y’know?” Ichika replied, and at that point Alca let Rokuko and I go.

Th-Thank the lord. I’ll have to give Ichika some curry rolls later. Some real expensive ones, from dedicated food stands.

“...Incidentally, Keima. How much would you charge for me to take Ichika? She understands me quite well, so I would like to make her a maid of mine.”

“She’s not for sale.”

“Ten thousand gold coins.”

“She’s not for sale,” I repeated, making it clear that I wasn’t going to negotiate.

“Sigh... Your will is as strong as ever, Keima. Very well, then. I pray that you live a happy life serving Keima, Ichika.”

“Hahaha, you got it. I’ll look after you real nice whenever you come back.”

Ichika and Alca exchanged a firm handshake. Ichika, the hell did you do to make her like you that much? Ten thousand gold coins is kind of a lot.

“Now then, Keima, I must depart. If you ever find yourself visiting the Holy Kingdom, don’t hesitate to visit my estate.”

“Sure, I’ll drop by and say hello if the time comes.”

“Indeed. It would be oh so delightful if Rokuko and Ichika were to accompany you. I shall be waiting for you all.”

I’m gonna be honest and say I don’t want to go to the Holy Kingdom at all. You’ll probably just lock me inside your room or something.

In any case, Alca the High Priestess finally left Goren. Rokuko and I slumped to the ground in exhaustion, finally freed from her reign of terror. I have no idea how Ichika just skipped back to work without a care in the world.

“...Well, I know what to take from this,” Rokuko began.

“Huh?”

“You’re mine, Keima, and I can’t let anyone take you. I’ll need to be more aggressive from now on. What do you think?”

“...You’re asking me?” I mean, if you get too aggressive, I’ll probably buckle from all the pressure, so don’t go too far.