Chapter 3

Day 73

Several lazy days passed and soon enough I forgot all about the flags Haku had tripped. A party of two mostly boring E-Rank adventurers came to our inn with plans of conquering the dungeon and started exploring the first floor while hunting Goblins. They were pretty cautious about traps, so their progress was fairly slow. In the midst of all that, Rokuko suddenly burst into my room while I was sleeping and using Niku as my dakimakura just like always.

“We’re in trouble, Keima! The tunnel broke through!”

“Huh? Finally... Wait, what? The tunnel’s not through the mountain yet.”

“Th-That’s why I’m here waking you up! This is serious!” Indeed, Rokuko usually didn’t wake me up while I was sleeping. This may have been the first time she ever did. She had been diligently following the order I gave her long ago to not wake me up unless it was an emergency.

I glanced at the Dungeon Map and saw that we had dug into some kind of hollow cavity. Looking at it directly through the menu, I saw a red cave sprawling out in all directions. Though I had to look through a Golem since it was outside of our dungeon.

“Hey, Rokuko... Is this...”

“...It’s definitely not our dungeon. What are we gonna do?” This is probably the [Flame Caverns]. I see an adult dog-sized red lizard over there licking his lips with his red tongue, so yeah, this has gotta be the place. Oh. Crap. He just made eye contact with our Golem.

“Retreat! Block the hole!”

“I’ll use DP to build a wall!” I made the Golem take a single step back as a wall rose up where he once was. The red lizard immediately charged towards it. The wall... just barely finished in time. We could hear the lizard slamming against it repeatedly from the other side.

“...Whew, that was close. One second slower and we would’ve started a war.”

“Keima. I’m pretty sure that the war has already started.” Yeah. The war started and we just avoided it. Wouldn’t be weird if that wall broke down in no time.

“We’ll plan a counterattack while buying time. Just gotta put some traps in the hallway.”

“[Bottomless Swamp] and [Spear Ceiling], right?”

The wall broke down and the red lizard charged through right after we finished setting the traps and preparing the Golem for battle. But the lizard just charged into the [Bottomless Swamp] and got stuck. Undeterred, it pushed forward, trying to use all its strength to break free. We held it down with the Golem and dropped the [Spear Ceiling], skewering it and sinking its corpse into the swamp. No coming back from that.

“...Alright. Let’s rebuild the wall and pretend this never happened.”

“R-Right!” We rebuilt the wall, removed the final five meters of the tunnel from our dungeon, and collapsed the ceiling. That should be enough.

...Of course, it wasn’t. A flame-covered lizard burst through the rubble while furiously spitting fire, taking up about half of the tunnel that we had designed to be wide enough for carriages to pass each other... in other words, he was the size of a horse-drawn carriage. He dried up the [Bottomless Swamp], burned down the [Spear Ceiling], and slammed into the Golem, crushing it.

“UWOOOOOOH! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOOOOU?!”

A salamander. A huge lizard, flames shooting out of his body from head to toe like a lion’s mane. And on top of all that, fire poured of his mouth each time he yelled. Is that maybe... the Dungeon’s Core himself? He’s got a gravelly, low voice. Kind of like a mobster.

Either way, I decided to greet him. Since the tunnel was part of our dungeon, and the salamander was a Dungeon Core, I could contact him through the menu’s communication function. It was the same function that Haku had used to contact us back before our Dungeon Battle. I activated it and called out to him.

“Stop, Dungeon Core Number 112!”

“OOOOH? YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AAAAAM, HUH?!” The contact was a success. And I had basically confirmed that he was indeed the Dungeon Core.

“...Huh? Wait, this is a fucking dungeon, ain’t it! Who the FUCK ARE YOUUU?!” The salamander suddenly put on the brakes and halted his charge.

“Hiiih? N-Number 112... Wh-What are you doing here?! What do you want?!”

“That weak little voice... Aaah! I got it, you must be Number 695! And that’s my line! Why the FUCK did you break a hole into my dungeon?!”

“I’ll explain that. It was an accident. I’m sorry. You have my sincerest apologies.”

“O-Oh? You’re a pretty fuckin’ honest guy, huh? You’re, what... this Dungeon’s Master? Show yourself!” Since he knew that we were a Dungeon Core and Master, he probably wouldn’t attack us out of the blue. But just to be safe, I sent out a Golem instead.

“Huh? You’re the Dungeon Master, huh? Wait, THIS IS A FUCKING Golem!”

“Yeah, this is me. And sorry, I didn’t intend to invade your dungeon or anything.”

“I won’t kill you, so show your real self already! Number 695’s a human type, so she wouldn’t have a Golem Master... Wait? Uh, I guess Golems are human-shaped too... Wait, no no! Golems are idiots, they can’t be Masters!” I thought for a moment I’d tricked him, but it didn’t go through. He did seem like someone I could talk to, and the fact he didn’t charge the Golem down immediately was a solid sign that he wouldn’t kill me before I could say my piece. Worst come to worst, Rokuko could withdraw me the moment I was in any danger.

And so, I steeled my resolve and showed myself... after walking there. I couldn’t use the teleport function since an invader was in our dungeon. It was a long and empty hallway, but he had charged pretty far into it, so I got there pretty fast. It was only one hundred meters-ish away from the entrance to our dungeon and the former Goblin room.

“...So, how the FUCK are you gonna make up for this?!” The salamander roared in front of me. I mean, yeah, we’re definitely the ones at fault here. My bad.

Just like a Dungeon Core could still summon monsters directly from itself even with invaders nearby, the Dungeon Master could place traps and such directly within the dungeon. Though I could only work in a range of about five meters, so one wrong move and I’d be dead.

“Well, first of all, I’ll apologize. More concretely... We’ll fix the hole ourselves. And... Alright. Do you know what ‘genuflecting’ is?”

“...O-Oh? Genuflecting? Yeah, I know what the fuck that is. You get on your knees and kind of lower your head! Yeah?”

“That’s right. But do you know about the form of apology even greater than that, known as the genusnooze?”

“Nope, never heard of that in my fuckin’ life. What is it?” Oh man, he fell for it with a name like that. This might actually work. I’d normally just bow my head and leave it at that, but I didn’t want this guy looking down on us and causing problems later. Tricking him like this was basically asking for a fight, but I’ve been preparing for a battle with the [Flame Caverns] ever since Haku told me about them. Right now, I just needed to buy some time.

“When you genuflect, you show your remorse by lowering your head, but when you genusnooze, you lower your entire body to apologize.” I gave a made-up explanation while spreading my futon on the tunnel floor.

“Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Huh? Preparing to genusnooze, of course. It’s such a sincere apology that it takes time to prepare for. The more preparation a meal takes the better it is, right?”

“Fuckin’ COOKING? I don’t know SHIT about cooking!”

“How about this. Laying a bunch of traps to hunt prey is preparation, just like this.”

“Alright! I got it.” I’m glad you get it. I got into the futon. And then, I made my declaration.

“This is genusnoozing!”

“O-Oooh! You really are lowering your entire body...” I glanced at the salamander and saw him trembling a little. Looks like he believes me. This guy is... a chump. I decided to push things a little further.

“For the next seven days, I’m going to genusnooze for five... no, eight hours straight every day.”

“Wh-What?! Eight hours?!”

“That’s not enough for you?! Then twelve hours! I’ll spend twelve hours, an entire half of each day like this! Please, let that be enough for you to forgive me...”

“A-Alriiight already! If you’re gonna go that far, I ain’t got no choice but to forgive you... Heh. I was wondering what kinda Master that Number 695 would have. Looks like you’re a guy who really knows what’s up! But remember, men gotta follow their word. Seven days, twelve hours a day. You better not fucking back out of that! Alright?!”

“Yeah. I know that.” And so, the lizard left in satisfaction. I didn’t know when he’d be coming back, but I figured I’d just keep on genusnoozing. In my room.

Day 78

“YOU’RE JUST FUCKING SLEEEEEPIIIIING!” The salamander returned, blowing away all the sand I had used to fill up the end of the tunnel. It had taken him five days to realize what was going on, longer than I had expected. But to be honest, at that point I just wished he would have stayed tricked for the whole time. I didn’t want to lose my excuse for sleeping twelve hours a day.

I sent out a Golem to greet him, and the fact he quietly followed its guidance showed that he hadn’t completely lost his temper. He may have cooled down after slamming into all that clay. Anyway, I had made a room halfway through the tunnel just in case this happened. I teleported there by “placing” myself on the map. Not having to walk all the way there again was pretty nice.

“So, punk... You fuckin’ with me or what?!”

“Honestly, I’m hurt. Do you really think genusnoozing is as simple as sleeping? Trust me, it’s not.”

“Y-Yeah?” Oh man, is that hesitation? I might be able to trick him again at this rate.

“Yep. Think about it like this: if genusnoozing is just sleeping, then genuflecting is just sitting, right?”

“Ngh... That’s a good fucking point.”

“I’m putting myself through so much to apologize, and you thank me by destroying the clay wall I built...?” The salamander started to waver after I emphasized that point.

“Huh? Errr, aaah... I...”

“How are you gonna make up for this?”

“Ngh, nggggh!” The salamander took everything I said with utter seriousness. Gullible. This guy’s really gullible. Salamander? Mo’ like gullimander.

“Alright, alriiight. This time, I’ll fix up the wall for ya.”

“That’s it? You’re not gonna make up for mocking my sincerity and the depth of my regret?”

“...Sorry, man.”

“Aaah, don’t worry about it. I got a little too heated up myself.”

“Oh yeah...? You’re a good fucking man.”

“By the way, Dungeon Core Number 112. I heard you have a Master, which means you probably have a name. Mind telling me what it is? Dungeon Core Number 112 is pretty tedious to say for we humans.”

“Yeah, it’s 112. My Master gave it to me. Means 112 in the Dragon language, y’know.” Oh crap. It got translated to just 112 both times. And I guess Dragon language is a thing that exists.

“Really? That’s a good name. But it’s hard for me to pronounce Dragon language stuff. You know... The truth is, I’m from another world. Mind if I call you something that means 112 in my own language?”

“Oooh! Sounds pretty fucking great to me. What name?” I had preemptively thought up of a name for him over the past five days of sleep.

“Ittetsu. I split 112 into 1 and 12, then split 12 into 10 and 2, which gives i, te, and tsu. Put together in Japanese fashion, Ittetsu. What do you think?”

“That’s a damn good name. Go ahead, use it all you want.” Ittetsu the gullimander smiled in approval.

“Alright, Ittetsu. I’m Keima Masuda. You can just call me Keima.”

“Keima, huh? Alright, I’ll remember that.” And so, Ittetsu left in a good mood. Classic gullimander. Didn’t take much to dupe him again. But, eh... I guess you really can’t overwrite a Core’s Master by giving one a new name. I heard that from Haku, but I wanted to double check.

Day 81

“This just ain’t fucking right! It can’t be!” It took another three days before gullimander came charging back. Wow, he noticed a lot faster this time. Some new parties are exploring my dungeon now.

One D-Rank party and two E-Rank parties. They seemed to be exploring my dungeon to practice avoiding traps and building up some real combat experience, as they didn’t appear to be too interested in hunting for treasure. Thanks to that, I didn’t have to replace the expensive treasure scattered around the dungeon, which saved us some DP.

We were getting more and more visitors, but with Rokuko on the food and Ichika at the front desk, things were still running smoothly. If there was any trouble I could just leave everything to the Guild, meaning my only job was to walk around and cast {Purification} every now and again. Though I’ve been too busy genusnoozing for even that lately. Hahaha.

“Oh, Ittetsu. Good to see you again. But what are you so upset about?”

“My Master told me that you’ve been tricking me! I tried out this genusnoozing shit and it wasn’t hard at fucking all! My Master even went into her human form just to try it out! She told me it was fucking nothing!” He went out of his way to try it out, huh? Nice guy. And I guess Dragons can transform into human forms, or something...

“C’mon, man. You’re a salamander, Ittetsu, standing is harder than sitting for you. I’m a human with totally different anatomy, it just makes sense genusnoozing would be easier for you.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“And that Dragon’s shape-shifting is just them mimicking a human form, right? They’ve definitely got way more endurance than a normal human. I’m nobody special, so c’mon, don’t compare me to a Dragon. And like, if I tried laying down in the [Flame Caverns], I’d just straight up burn. That’s how different our bodies are.”

“Oooh... Good fucking point.”

“Some humans literally pass out from how hard genusnoozing can be, y’know? I’ve passed out more than a few times doing this...?”

“Th-The hell?! I had no fuckin’ idea...” I wasn’t lying. Though more accurately, I was passing out after getting so sleepy it was hard to keep my eyes open!

“So, Ittetsu, what exactly do you want me to do?”

“U-Uh... What do you think?” Seriously? You’re gonna ask me that? Don’t ask me that. Think for yourself, man.

“Alright, alright... I guess twelve hours of genusnoozing a day isn’t enough to satisfy you.”

“U-Uh, I don’t fuckin’ know... Maybe?”

“Okay. I’ll order one of my subordinates to genusnooze alongside me!”

“Wh-What?!”

“I’ll hold her down myself, so she can’t move even if she wants to. Forced genusnoozing!”

“What the fucking hell? That’s pretty intense... Alright. That’s good enough. I can tell you’re damn serious about this, Keima.” Ittetsu left once again. At this rate, he’s gonna be back tomorrow, I guess. Well... A promise is a promise. I’ll have Niku get in bed with me and use her as a dakimakura. Just like I’ve been doing this entire time.

Day 82

“I THOUGHT ABOUT IT SOME MORE AND YEAH, YOU’RE JUST FUCKING SLEEPING!”

“Huh? Oh, hey, Ittetsu. I’m surprised to see you here again. You sure have a lot of spare time, huh?” Ittetsu came again the next day, as expected. But this time, there was a girl riding his head with a red lizard t—well, a rough bumpy tail that looked kind of like a crab’s shell. Uh... Isn’t his head on fire? Is she gonna be okay?

“...Who’s that with you?”

“My fucking master!”

“That’s right! And I know you’re fuckin’ messing with my husband, 112!” Master? I guess that makes her a Red Dragon. Which makes that a Dragon tail. Also, she’s Ittetsu’s wife? Wow.

“By the way, my normal body is way too big to fit into this tunnel so I went out of my way to come in my human form! Be grateful!”

“Oh, wow. Thank you very much.”

“Yeah! That’s the kinda gratitude I like to see! You’re welcome!” The young-looking Red Dragon puffed out her chest in satisfaction. She’s pretty cute. Too bad she’s married.

“So, Mrs. 112, what exactly are you unhappy about?”

“Mrs... That’s right, I’m married! Right, 112?!”

“Yeah! You’re my amazing fuckin’ wife. I love you, Redra.” Hey, don’t flirt in my dungeon. Sheesh. Do that back at your place.

“Ah! Wait, this isn’t right! He almost tricked me too! What a crafty guy...!”

“That a fuckin’ fact? Hey, Keima! The fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Whaaat...? I didn’t do anything. I guess they’re like, cliché fire-types that get heated up over nothing. Hm... I get the feeling that she’s gonna be just as gullible as her husband!

“But like I said, Mrs. 112, what exactly are you unhappy about? I personally think that my genusnoozing is a more than sincere apology.”

“M-Mrs... Eheheh... Ah, wait, no! That’s it! Your genusnoozing is full of bullshit and I know it!” Oh wow, getting straight to the point. She might not be dumb like her husband is.

“I’m lowering not just my head, but my entire body as well. Is there anything more apologetic than that? Here, let me turn this around and ask what you think would be the best posture for showing one’s regret.”

“Mmm?! Err, now that you mention it... Maybe, like, showing your stomach and rolling around?!”

“Alright. Then you’ll be satisfied if I start genusnoozing on my back, right?”

“What?! I will?!”

“I’ll be apologizing in the exact posture you suggested. But you know, I’m surprised you two still don’t believe me even though I’m going this far to apologize... It really makes me sad.”

“N-No! We’re not doubting you or anything, alright?!” I put a hand on my head and lowered my eyes with so much forced sorrow even I questioned whether I was being too obvious, but Redra reacted entirely as if she was in the wrong. Just what I’d expect from the gullimander’s wife. I decided to be a little more forceful.

“You know, if you really do believe in me... then how about this: I want this tunnel to reach all the way from our dungeon to the other side of the mountain. Can we make something work?”

“...I don’t think so!”

“Oh? You really don’t believe in me, then...?”

“You’ve got the wrong idea! Err, most of Tsia Mountain already belongs to our dungeon in the first place! There’s no space for your tunnel!” Redra hurriedly explained herself. Wait, what did she just say?

“Most of Tsia Mountain already belongs to your dungeon? Really?”

“This is a big mountain, right? All the big caves inside of it belong to our dungeon! All of them!” In other words, the bulk of the mountain was part of the [Flame Caverns]. I was having trouble visualizing that, so I decided to make a little model. I took some of the clay I had made from excess Clay Golems and shaped it into a rough copy of Tsia Mountain while referencing my map.

“Oh? This is Tsia Mountain! You’re pretty talented!”

“Thanks. So, let’s say this really is Tsia Mountain. How much of it would be a part of your [Flame Caverns]?”

“About this much!” She pulled away a little over eighty percent of the clay. About half of the remaining twenty-some percent metaphorically belonged to our dungeon. We really were just at the tip of Tsia Mountain. Yeesh... The [Flame Caverns] sure are huge. I’m surprised we dug our tunnel this far without hitting them before now.

“And wait a second, when did you even make a dungeon in our mountain?!”

“Aaah, lemme ask my Dungeon Core that... Rokukooo, when did you first come here?”

“Eh? Um... She never told me exactly when, but I guess about ten years ago?” Ten years? Really...?

“Ten years ago, apparently.”

“We’ve been here for over five hundred years! We came first!”

“Yeah, no fuckin’ way Core 695 is older than us... wait. Why the hell do I know who Number 695 is? Why do I recognize her voice?” Ittetsu fell deep into thought about something that really didn’t matter. Alright... Let’s ignore this gullimander and get to business. Redra and I are gonna have a serious negotiation as Dungeon Masters. Finally, my time to shine!

“You sure there’s nothing you can do about the tunnel?”

“Errrr, you somehow managed to slip through the cracks between our caverns up until now, but there’s really no way you can go any further from here! Our dungeon’s everywhere you can go from here! Not even a mouse could slip through!”

“Would you mind giving us a small part of your dungeon, just enough for the tunnel? I’ll pay you DP for it.”

“Sure, for 500,000 DP! Changing ownership of the territory and moving aside the contraptions in the way of the tunnel would cost about that much!” 500,000 DP? I’m pretty sure moving contraptions around wouldn’t cost nearly that much. And we’d be spending DP to change ownership of the territory, not them. Is she trying to cheat me here? That’s pretty cheeky for a gulli-wife!

“500,000 DP is a bit too much, I think.”

“Really? I think it’s a pretty generous price, if I do say so myself! I wouldn’t go any lower!” Eeeh, I doubt there’s any pricing standards for selling dungeon territory, and even if there were, I wouldn’t know them. Rokuko wouldn’t either, but this is all moot since we couldn’t afford that much DP anyway. I want to haggle her down, but Redra seems like a pretty honest person, so she probably did offer the lowest amount she was willing to accept. Oh, wait... I could try haggling with gold coins too.

“What would you say to an offer of fifty gold coins?”

“Why would I want gold coins? Don’t be dumb, we don’t need anything but DP!” Redra turned me down with a grin. Figures. I wouldn’t have minded paying that much if it got us the tunnel, though. Wait, wait, wait... Dragons love shiny things, right. I should try showing her the merchandise.

“...What if you bought each gold coin for 10,000 DP?” I took out a glittering gold coin and held it up so Redra could see.

“Hahaha! Why would I pay 10,000 DP for a single... a single... Y-You know, that sounds like a good deal!!!” Hook, line, and sinker! I waved the coin back and forth. Redra’s eyes chased it. When it moved right so too did her eyes, and if I moved it up left her whole face tilted up to follow. She was completely enraptured. But we’re not done yet. She’s still debating it in her head. I took out a silver coin, polished to a sheen, and held it in my other hand.

“If you take this deal now, I’ll throw in a free silver coin for every ten gold coins you buy.”

“What?! I-Is that, uh, for real?!”

“Absolutely! My offers are all genuine!” I spun the silver coin in my hand as I spoke, and Redra’s head spun in turn as she watched. Alright... Just one more push and she’s mine.

“B-But, I... er...?”

“Woah now, Mrs. 112, what’re you hesitating for? If you’re really on the fence about this, allow me to offer you a special deal! If you agree to buy all fifty gold coins for 500,000 DP, I will give you not only the free silver pieces... but also this crystal knight statue with absolutely no extra charge!”

“Uwoooooh?!” The moment I put the transparent yet shining knight statue on the table, Redra’s hot eyes opened wide in surprise. The statue was about twenty centimeters tall; I had made it from empty mana potion bottles.

“I-It’s... amazing! It looks like it’ll start moving at any second...! Amazing!” It could move if it wanted to. It was a Golem, after all. I had built it as an anti-Dragon weapon, and thus had intentionally made it shine incredibly brightly. That paid off, as Redra’s eyes were shining even more brightly than the statue.

“This is a bonus that will only be provided if you accept the deal right now.”

“A-Alright! That seems like a good deal to me! What do you think, 112?!” Redra smacked Ittetsu on the back repeatedly, kind of like a child begging her parents for something.

“Huh? Hold on, gimme a second. I’m thinking about something important right now.”

“Ngh! Hurry it up! We gotta take the deal now if we want that statue!”

“Aaah, alright, alright... Wait. I REMEMBER NOW!” Ittetsu suddenly shouted.

“NUMBER 695 IS A FUCKING ALLY OF THE TRAITOR NUMBER 89!” Fire shot out of his mouth. Welp. Seems like Haku’s known as a dirty traitor in the Dungeon Core world. Makes sense. She does hunt other Dungeon Cores, after all. And so, our negotiations crumbled right then and there.

“Wha?! D-Does that mean I don’t get to have that knight statue?!”

“You don’t! I don’t know the fucking details, but I do know that any friends of the traitor are enemies to us!”

“Enemies! It’s been a long time since I’ve heard that word! What does it mean?! Say it in Dragon language!”

“Prey to be crushed and devoured!”

“Prey to be crushed and devoured?! I can’t wait!” Hold up, that’s what “enemy” means in Dragon language? Makes sense that the strongest life form would look down on other species so much.

“Then it looks like our deal isn’t going through, Keima! But I still want that knight statue! Do something, 112!”

“Aaah... Hey, Keima. Would you mind throwing us a bone here?” Wow. Know some shame, dude. You just shouted about me being prey to devour, don’t go asking me for favors. Though... Maybe this is Redra’s Absolute Authority working its magic on him? She did basically give him an order there.

“Hold up, Ittetsu. Aren’t we enemies now?”

“C’mon, don’t be like that. That’s just Dungeon Core stuff. You’re a pretty fucking cool guy otherwise.” I’m glad to hear that. I like you a lot too, my friend. Because you’re really easy to trick!

“Alright, you can take the crystal knight statue. But not for free.”

“Really?! I knew you were a good guy. So, what’s your price? I ain’t giving you no fuckin’ territory, just warning you now.”

“Yeah. My terms are simple. I’m going to challenge you to a Dungeon Battle. If you two win, I’ll give you the gold and silver coins, plus another crystal knight statue. But in return, if I win, you’ll give me your territory. We’re not negotiating as allies here, we’re determining the spoils of battle as enemies. That should be fine with you, right?”

“Huh... Sounds fuckin’ good to me. But isn’t this pretty damn one-sided...?” Ittetsu tilted his head in confusion. Yeah, can’t blame him for being confused. I just challenged a dungeon over five hundred years old to a duel. Normally, that’d be suicide.

“It is, which is why I want to add two custom rules.” Custom rules. They could be used to customize the terms of a Dungeon Battle, just like how Haku had set the victory condition to touching a Dummy Core instead of a real Core during our battle.

“First, I want your dungeon to go fully on the defensive, no attacking. You win if you defend your dungeon for a set amount of time... let’s say one full day.”

“A defensive war, huh? But our dungeon’s pretty fucking deep. No one could conquer it in a day.” It was certainly true that I had no way of knowing how many floors their centuries-old dungeon had.

“That’s where the second rule comes in. Our dungeon only has five floors. So to make things equal, let’s say that it’s our win if we get past the fifth floor in your dungeon.”

“Yeah, that’d be fair. Sounds good to me. You’ll have your tunnel if you can beat us.” Though, it actually wasn’t fair at all. I could easily conquer a five floor dungeon with even just half a day. My battle with Haku proved that. And this time, I could focus entirely on the offensive front. Plus, I had been planning specific countermeasures for the fiery caves of the [Flame Caverns]. We had a clear, significant advantage.

“And just to spice things up a little, how about this? You give us half of Tsia Mountain if we touch the Dungeon Core on the bottom floor of your dungeon.” Naturally, even the gullimander Ittetsu opened his eyes wide at that suggestion.

“What?! I-I’m not seeing how that’s fair!”

“C’mon, what’re the chances that I would reach the bottom floor of your dungeon in a single day?”

“O-Oooh! That’s a good point. You’ve got a one day time limit... Hey, Redra, whaddaya think?”

“Sounds good to me! We get the statue just by accepting, right?! And we’ll get shiny coins after we take care of the prey to be crushed and devoured! What’s the downside?!” Yeah, they’re not even considering the possibility of them losing.

“But if you lose you’re not getting any gold coins, remember?”

“No way would I lose when we’re on equal footing!”

“Then you’ll accept this Dungeon Battle under the discussed terms?”

“Yeah! So, when are we gonna do it?! Right now?!” Honestly, I had prepared ahead of time enough that starting immediately wouldn’t be a problem. But a guaranteed victory would need a little more time.

“C’mon, babe, our dungeon’s gotta prepare a little too.”

“Alright. Let’s do it in a week from now, then.”

“That sounds fuckin’ good to me. See ya then.”

“I can take the statue now, right?! Right?!” Redra was already reaching out for the statue.

“...Yeah, go ahead.” I grinned.

＊ ＊ ＊

“I-I can’t believe we’re having a dungeon battle with Dungeon Core Number 112... C-C-Can we really win this?!” Rokuko asked me that in a panicky tone after I returned to the inn. I responded while patting Niku’s (who had raced to my room to serve as my dakimakura if needed) head.

“Well, I’ve got some plans that should help us win. I have been thinking about this for a long time.”

“Really?” Haku tripped so many flags we were guaranteed to meet them soon. Of course I started planning on how to deal with them.

“We win just by getting past the fifth floor of their [Flame Caverns]. Haku’s dungeon only had five floors, remember?”

“Uh-huh...”

“I beat Haku under these circumstances. Do you think I’d lose now?”

“...Mmm, I-I’m not really sure.” Oh wow. She looks pretty down about this.

“Haku held back for us, didn’t she? She even agreed to only use 100,000 DP in the fight. And during the fight, she had to use some of that DP to attack us. This time, there’s no holding back, no DP limits, and although we can focus on attacking, that just means they can focus on defending.”

Rokuko kept going.

“We can’t use the rat strategy from last time in the [Flame Caverns]. Worst of all, that Redra is a real Red Dragon. She definitely looked into this fight. There’s no way she won’t be the Dungeon Boss. No way. Keima... Do you think you can beat a real Red Dragon?”

“...Wow. I didn’t expect you to think things through that far.”

“Wait, what? I’m not dumb or anything, I can figure this much out for myself.” Rokuko pouted a little bit. I put my hand on her head with a plop and patted it. You’re really growing up, Rokuko.

“You’re right. This battle’s gonna be a lot harder than the one with Haku, for a lot of reasons. I don’t know if we’ll be able to beat the Dragon... Which is why what we’re gambling here is money we can afford to lose, and some crystal statues I made myself.”

“...But you worked really, really hard to make that money. You built an entire inn yourself with it. You wouldn’t mind losing it all over this?”

“Hey, most of that money’s pocket change Haku gave us. And we wouldn’t be losing everything. We can live without the fifty gold coins. Especially since we can earn basically as much when Haku comes back. Remember, we charge her for staying.” This time, losing the battle wouldn’t end up with me as a dungeon-spelunking slave. We’d just lose as much gold as we would earn from Haku visiting a single time. In other words, there was no need to feel so grim about our chances.

“Plus, think about it like this. You get to watch one of the Dragons you love so much fight. Even if we lose, wouldn’t front row seats to a Dragon fight be worth the price? Smile a little.”

“...Sheesh. Fifty gold coins for a front row seat is pretty expensive.”

“But if we win, it’ll be completely free. Feeling more hyped up now?”

“Well, getting to the boss comes first. I really do want to see a Dragon fight.” Rokuko smiled with a laugh. Her uneasiness from earlier was nowhere to be seen. So, with my partner Rokuko now hyped up for our Dungeon Battle, I...

“Alright, I’m gonna go sleep now.”

“Wait, what?! You’re gonna sleep after heating me up?!” Of course I’m gonna sleep. I really tired myself out negotiating with that salamander. And I’ve already put a lot of time into preparing for this battle. I don’t need to panic and rush anything. It’ll be fine.

“Alright then, think about how to beat the Dragon while I’m sleeping. I’ve already figured out how to reach the boss, so yeah.”

“Eh? Really? Just what I’d expect from my partner! But, mmm... How to beat a Dragon...” Rokuko started to think about that while I got into my futon with Niku as my dakimakura.

...Uh, Rokuko? I’m glad you’re thinking hard about this, but could you do it in your own room? It’s kinda hard to sleep with you pacing around my room.

# Ittetsu’s Perspective

“Man, what a great guy!”

“Yep. I’d have no problem with him if he weren’t part of the fuckin’ traitor faction.” Redra the Red Dragon, Dungeon Master of the [Flame Caverns], and Ittetsu, Dungeon Core Number 112, were talking about their new neighbors.

“He even gave me a new name, y’know. Ittetsu.”

“Wow! But the name I gave you is way better, 112!”

“Heheh, apparently it’s pretty hard for humans to pronounce. But yeah, the name you gave me is way more precious, Redra.”

“Well, aren’t you a smooth talker! I knew you were the best husband I could ask for, 112!!!” Since Redra said “112” in Dragon language each time she addressed Ittetsu, it sounded like nothing but loud roars to those who hadn’t studied Dragon language or learned a translation skill. Normal humans would struggle greatly just to pronounce words like that, but Redra spoke it fluently in her human form.

“But really, this crystal statue is super shiny and cool, isn’t it?! Eheheh!”

“Yep. It was worth all the trouble to get it.” Ittetsu spat out satisfied bursts of fire as he watched his wife happily hug the treasure she wanted so much.

“...Ah, right, we’re gonna be having a Dungeon Battle. I gotta put out warning signs for a Paradigm Shift.” He had learned about Paradigm Shifts from other Dungeon Cores. He considered them a convenient tool he could use to get humans out of his dungeon before a battle while simultaneously making it such that they wouldn’t question any major changes within his dungeon afterwards. An increased number of traps, seemingly narrowing corridors, more monsters roaming about, and types of monsters not usually seen in a dungeon suddenly appearing were all considered signs of an upcoming Paradigm Shift. Those were all convenient ways to prepare for a Dungeon Battle as well, so it all worked out.

...Though, he didn’t know that the traitor Dungeon Core Number 89 had thought up all of that. All he knew was that someone smart out there had done him and other Cores a major solid.

“Alright, I’ll go buy some more traps and monsters.”

“Hey, hey, 112! I’m gonna get to join the fight too, right?!”

“.........Yeah, you bet.”

“What was with that pause...?” Ittetsu personally wanted to avoid sending Redra out as a monster. She was both his Dungeon Master and his beloved wife. But if she wanted to go on a rampage, he had no real choice but to let her go wild and be happy. Plus, Redra was in fact the strongest creature their dungeon had. There was no practical reason not to send her out.

“...I’ll make a Boss Room on the fifth floor. You can wait there. We’ll lose if they beat you, y’know?”

“I just gotta stop those small fries from getting past me, right? Easy and simple to understand! I like it!” Redra cackled with enthusiasm, her expression lacking any trace of fear or worry.

“Heheh, I’m lookin’ forward to seeing you crush them. But that fuckin’ Keima definitely had the eyes of someone with a plan. But, eh... Even if they somehow manage to beat you, they won’t get to the fiftieth floor. No way are we gonna have to give up half the mountain.” Ittetsu’s lizard face twisted into a grin. Redra, seeing her husband’s grin, fell in love with him all over again.

Day 83 — # Keima’s Perspective

“Alright, time to genusnooze all day again.”

“You have it really rough, Keima. I can’t imagine genusnoozing all day... and twelve hours each time, too. Plus, Ichika and I have to work a lot harder since Niku’s too busy being your dakimakura to help us.”

“Huh? You don’t want to work either? I know the feeling, trust me. But I’m pretty sure all you have to do is buy the food with DP since Golems do almost everything else.”

“...I really never thought that Golems could be this helpful.” Most of the minor chores around the inn were done by Golems with special gloves and shoes, instructed to obey orders given by Rokuko and Ichika. That said, there really weren’t many chores to do. Pretty much just delivering the food. Any adventurers causing problems were the Guild’s responsibility, and I could wash all our clothes and dishes with a single {Purification}.

“Niku has {Storage}, so normally I don’t have to do anything after putting a bunch of meals into it.”

“...I mean, Niku’s my dakimakura, so her working in the kitchen doesn’t make sense in the first place. Right?”

“Right! I’m your dakimakura!” Niku gave me an energetic response, tail wagging and ears flapping. She hates working that much, huh? I’d expect nothing less from my dakimakura. I took her soft dog ears and rubbed them between my fingers, causing her to close her eyes while trembling happily.

“Ngggh... Geez, why don’t you appreciate me that much?!”

“Huh? But I appreciate you a lot. It’s thanks to you that I’m even here in the first place, Rokuko.” I was getting a lot more sleep as a Dungeon Master than I ever did back in Japan, and the food I could buy with DP was pretty much perfect. “We’re gonna have a long and fruitful relationship, Rokuko.”

“O-Obviously! Hmph, well, I don’t need sleep like you do, so whatever!” Rokuko left the room looking extremely pleased. Yeah... I’m pretty impressed with how she can get by with zero sleep. I wouldn’t be able to survive like that. No way.

Day 84

Preparing for the battle was nice and easy since we didn’t have to build any defensive measures. I knew it was the right idea to suggest they focus purely on defense.

Rokuko came into my room while I was fiddling with the menu and giving orders to various Golems.

“Hey, Keima. Do you know where my egg is? The phoenix egg.”

“Huh? Oh, that. I’m using it for something right now. Why?”

“You’re... using it?” Rokuko tilted her head.

“So, phoenix eggs have pretty solid shells, right? Well, I researched them a little and it turns out their eggshells have some pretty high fire resistance. I figured that’d be useful, so I’m having a Golem smash it repeatedly to build up a nice stock of shells.”

Rokuko looked at the dungeon monitor. What she saw was a lone Golem, smashing the egg over and over and over. At first the egg had been about the size of a chicken egg, but at some point it had gotten two, three times as big as a softball. I didn’t know what was going on biologically, but the egg’s shell was definitely growing along with it.

The Golem threw the eggshells behind it each time it broke the phoenix egg. It would then wait about a second for the resulting hot vit lon to burst into light and revive, after which it would break the new egg, starting the process anew. There was already a mountain of eggshells right behind the Golem.

“K-Keima! What are you doing to my little Phenny?!”

“Well, I mean, I was thinking that the eggshells might be strong enough to resist even a Dragon’s fire breath. Don’t you think that’s too good to pass up?”

“You think it’s worth being this evil?! My poor little Phenny...!”

“...A phoenix knows no death. Its life is one of endless reincarnation...!” The monitor showed the phoenix egg reviving again.

“Saying something cool doesn’t give you a free pass! Hey, Golem, stop! stop!” And so, Rokuko stopped the egg-breaking cycle. Mmm, crap. I only got one room of the storehouse filled with shells. I can’t believe she’s willing to let a free source of powerful anti-fire material slip us by...

“Uuu, you sure suffered a lot, didn’t you Phenny?” Rokuko rubbed the egg against her cheek. Tch. Fine. I’ll do what I can with the eggshells I do have.

“And wait, you named him?”

“Obviously. I got him with my own DP.” Speaking of which, I do remember her naming the Goblin she bought without thinking after summoning me. She called him Gobsuke... I, uh, I wonder if she named every single Goblin she summoned before I became her Dungeon Master.

“By the way, what’ll you do if that phoenix is a girl?”

“...Then I’ll call her Phenni. It sounds like Phenny either way, so it works!” True.

“So, Rokuko. Did you think of a way to beat that Dragon?”

“Ummm, well...” Rokuko trailed off. It seemed like she did come up with a few ideas, but felt unsure about them. She would have just said so if she didn’t have any ideas at all.

“Um, I was thinking we could use Phenny... He’s a phoenix, so even a Dragon won’t be able to kill him. Though I haven’t figured out what he could do, like, specifically.”

“Hey. Rokuko. Aren’t you being a lot more evil right now than I was?”

“...I-I’m not being evil! I’m planning on him saving the day as a hero!” I doubt the egg’s gonna hatch over the next few days, though. How’s an egg gonna help us...? I, uh... I’m just gonna try to think up a plan on my own.

Day 89

“Hey, Keima. You fuckin’ good to go yet?”

“Yep. I’m ready when you are.”

“Gahahaha! That’s the spirit, human! Hurry up and reach me, alright?! I’m gonna be bored as heck waiting for you!”

“B-Breathe as much fire as you want, we’re going to win!”

It was the day of the Dungeon Battle. Rokuko and I were stationed in the Master Room, along with Niku and Ichika... Huh? What about the inn? Well, we’ll be able to tell if a visitor comes along since the area surrounding the inn is part of the dungeon. I’d just have to teleport one of our lovely receptionists to the cafeteria or something before we get discovered. Worst comes to worst, I could just have a Golem perform receptionist duties. We are the Dancing Doll Inn, after all. Why couldn’t our receptionist be a Golem?

We had a one day time limit, which meant our battle would be going on for a fairly long time. It was important for us to challenge this at the top of our game. If I needed to sleep midway through, the presence of my beloved dakimakura was absolutely essential. Though, it was apparently normal for Dungeon Cores to fight for days straight since they don’t actually need sleep. A one day battle is kind of... no, is pretty ridiculously short, apparently. I guess my battle with Haku ended weirdly fast, then.

“Let’s just set things straight before we get going for real. The battle will last one day, twenty-four hours. My side’s going purely defensive, no attacking. If we win, you give us fifty gold coins, five silvers, and another crystal statue. If you win, Keima, we’ll give you enough of our [Flame Caverns] territory for you to finish your tunnel.”

“Hey now, you’re forgetting the terms of victory. We win if we get past the fifth floor and reach the sixth floor. And on top of that...”

“I know, I know. If you touch the Core on the bottom floor of our dungeon, we gotta give you half of Tsia Mountain. Yeah?”

“That’s right. Don’t forget that. And by the way, how many floors does your dungeon even have?”

“HAHAHA! Fat chance of me telling you that! Quit shitting your pants, it’s less than a hundred.”

With the details settled, I confirmed with Rokuko and the others that we were ready to go.

“Master, the Golem Platoon is ready to move at any moment.”

“When the heck did you make these...? Uhhh, yeah dude, my squad and I are ready too.” I had given both Niku and Ichika platoons of Golems to lead. Our main source of firepower this time would be Golems. Main reason being that they could be made from literally anything. They were practically free, and there was power in numbers. Plus, rats would just die this time if I sent them charging into the enemy dungeon. I couldn’t use them again.

“Alright, I’m gonna start my attack. You ready?”

“You fuckin’ bet.” ...It was kind of weird, but that reply marked the start of our Dungeon Battle. I set the whole thing up myself, but I was starting to have second thoughts. Regardless, our dungeons connected through time and space. The entrance of the [Flame Caverns]—which happened to be the volcanic crater at the top of Tsia Mountain—connected to a room on the fourth floor of our [Cave of Greed], where no adventurers would come. The fact that we didn’t have to connect entrances specifically allowed me to proceed without closing our dungeon. We’d lose in a second if they could fight back, though. This starting position was only possible because we didn’t have to worry about defending ourselves.

“Alright, Ichika. Open the door.”

“Yooou got it, boss.” I ordered her to open the door of the room that I had thoroughly, thoroughly prepared for just this occasion.

# Ittetsu’s Perspective

One week has passed since we made the deal. It’s finally time for the Dungeon Battle. I can’t remember when I last fought a fuckin’ Dungeon Battle... but now’s not the time to be thinking about that. The one thing I do remember is that I’m more of an attacker than a defender. Too fucking bad. This war’s a defensive one. Never fought a Dungeon Battle like this before. Defending my dungeon from human attackers is nothing new, but I’ve never even heard of a Dungeon Battle set up like this.

“Keima sure is a guy with funny ideas.”

“112! Do you think I’m gonna get a chance to fight?!” No way will they reach the bottom floor, but they might get through the first five surprisingly fast. Keima’s confidence is proof of that.

“Alriiight! It’s time to get fired up, Redraaa!”

“Yeah! We’ve got ten times as many red lizards as normal for this! Our halls are overflowing with red lizards!” I bought way too many red lizards. They’re overflowing out of the rooms and filling the cramped hallways. But my wife Redra’s happy, and that makes it all worth it.

“...Eh. This is about how many monsters I’d want if we ended up clashing monster armies together anyway.”

“Alright, I’m gonna start my attack. You ready?”

“You fuckin’ bet.” Our dungeons immediately connect, making me realize that the lazy exchange we just had signaled the start of our Dungeon Battle. I’m pretty fuckin’ sure that Dungeon Battles usually start with some more heated shittalking, or something...

“Grrr... That kinda hurts my enthusiasm...”

“I think it’s pretty fucking funny. If his goal was to bum you out, Redra, he sure fucking succeeded.” But even after the gates open, no monster army comes marching through. He’s taking his sweet time. Bold move for someone with a one day time limit. Is he just not tak—

I immediately fall silent. A huge flood of water has started racing through the portal.

“...What?!” The water races down our tunnels like an unstoppable tsunami. It hisses as it covers our hot floors and walls, washing away our red lizard armies without slowing down for a second.

“WHAAAT?!” I can’t believe it. This is a volcano. The only entrance to our dungeon is at the mountain peak. At worst, a little rain water gets in sometimes. And yet here is a flood of water, dominating our halls. It’s flowing with so much force that our red lizards are getting stuck at the end of the flood, crumbling into a meaty ball of useless underlings.

The water races through our dungeon and reaches the second floor in no time at all. The green dots signifying allies on the maps slowly drop in number as red lizards die from drowning, being slammed into walls, or just being crushed by their fellow lizards.

“Wh-What’s going on?! What the hell is this?!”

“Ha, hahaha... What the fuck...?”

On top of everything, the tsunami is somehow filled with enemies. I check the map and see it filled with so many red dots it’s like the screen is getting painted over in red. That meant that letting the water keep flowing was a bad idea. It’s already smashed through the second floor and reached the third floor, only thirty minutes after this Dungeon Battle started. He’s conquered two floors already... At this rate, he might actually be able to reach the fiftieth floor in a day! Hahaha, he was actually fucking serious! Thirty minutes per two floors would be ninety-six floors in a day. Twice as fast as necessary.

“But I can’t let that happen. Here’s what I gotta do.” Moving fast, I dig a hole in the still-dry fourth floor leading to the outside of the dungeon. Naturally, I can’t change stuff on a floor that’s being invaded by enemies. I’ll have to give up on the third floor and above.

The water quickly reaches the fourth floor, but now it’s flowing outside of the mountain—along with a bunch of red lizards.

“...Heh. You’re pretty good, Keima. Hey! Redra!”

“Eh?! Y-Yeah?! What the hell happened?!”

“Gahahaha! I don’t fucking know, but they’ve conquered the first three floors! I’m sending you to the Boss Room, get ready for them! They’ll be there in no time!”

“Whaaat?! Isn’t that way too fast?!”

“I’ll bring you back if things get too risky, but don’t let your guard down and get yourself killed, alright? He’s definitely got somethin’ up his sleeve!”

“Y-Yeah!” I hurriedly send Redra to the fifth floor’s Boss Room.

# Keima’s Perspective

“Wow, what is this? It’s pretty brutal...”

“What do you mean, ‘what is this?’ It’s a water attack. Pretty basic stuff.”

“How is it basic?!” Well I mean, it’s a volcano with just one entrance at the top. What else would you do? And I mean, it’s a fire dungeon. It’d just be rude to fight a fire dungeon and not flood it with water. I basically settled on this the second Haku told me what kind of dungeon it was.

All I did was pack a bunch of [Water Sources] close together onto the ceiling of a room in our dungeon... a very, very big room. Once the battle started, I opened the door and unleashed the flood. Of course, it wasn’t just simple water. I had mixed in a bunch of plankton with it (and plankton only cost 1 DP per one thousand critters, so it was cheap). Since this world lacked microscopes, they had no way of telling that there was plankton in the water. Their small size meant they were hard for us to use, in that they couldn’t really move much and I couldn’t use their eyes to see, but given that they were treated as ally monsters, I could use them to map out the enemy dungeon. I had mixed in a few ball-shaped Water Golems just to be safe, but they all died after slamming into the walls of T intersections and other places. Yeah... Water Golems are pretty weak if you don’t surround them in something.

Ittetsu reacted quickly. He opened a hole in the side of his dungeon and redirected the water through it... just as I had expected him to.

“Okay. I didn’t get to use them last time, but now we’re gonna start invading the dungeon with the Second Golem Platoon. Rokuko, Niku, Ichika. Initiate Plan B. Is everybody ready?”

“Uh-huh. But... Are you really sure about this?”

“Yes, Master, I’m ready.”

“I’mma be real with you, I’m basically just copying Niku and have no real idea what I’m doing... but yeah, I’m ready to bust some heads.” I nodded to the three of them.

“Alright! Golem Platoons, charge!”

# Ittetsu’s Perspective

Another large wave of enemy dots appear on the monitor. This time, it’s a platoon of Golems. But they aren’t any Golems I know about.

“...Ngh! Hey, those Golems are fucking armed!”

“Wh-What?! They’re Golems with weapons and stuff?!” The Golems are wearing rock armor and helmets while wielding shields, swords, and even short spears. But most surprising of all is how they’re marching in a rigorous military formation, as if they were a human army. They’re also carrying boxes, though I can’t tell what’s inside of them. Did he really need to use Golems for something like this?

“Hahaha! I’ve never seen anything like this in my life... wait, what?” But right after appearing, half of the Golems change course and rush out of the dungeon.

“The fuck? What’s going on here... Golems, running away from battle?” I dunno what’s going on, but since the other half are still advancing through the dungeon, I send the red lizards that survived the flood after them. Most of the lizards didn’t survive, but even so, I have as many now as I usually do. However...

“Tch, yeah, this is rough. Golems are weak on their own, but they’re way stronger than your average human when they team up like this.” The red lizards have their blows blocked by the front row shields, then get skewered by the back row’s spears. Even their fire breath gets blocked by the shields, leaving them open to the spears. The Golems kill with brutal efficiency, working together so well they’re like an elite military squad.

Our main attack force, red lizards, have been completely defeated. And before long, they reach the staircase to the next floor taking the shortest route possible. They’re slower than the water, but they’re making good progress. And the moment they reach the staircase, another platoon of Golems appears. They’re also wearing stone equipment and move in unison. They advance through the halls protected by their fellow Golems and begin conquering the second floor just as they did the first.

“Ngh... This is a problem. The magma slimes ran away from the water, and red frogs can’t do shit against Golems! Poison and burns don’t hurt them at all!” A platoon of Golems is basically the worst possible foe for a fire-based dungeon. Red minotaurs might be able to do something, but I only have them stationed on floor six and below.

“But I’ll be able to handle a frontal assault, as long as... what?!” New invaders come out of nowhere. But not from the entrance. I look at the fourth floor’s map and see that a platoon of Golems are marching through the hole I had made to drain the water earlier.

“What...?! Those are the Golems from earlier! Hahaha, he sure got me! The first platoon must be a distraction!” If a wall gets destroyed by an enemy, I can repair it even with invaders nearby. But holes I make myself don’t work like that. I’d need to buy new walls with Dungeon Points, which isn’t possible with invaders on the floor. There are puddles marked as enemies filling the tunnel. I might have been able to block the tunnel if I had removed the water more thoroughly, but that would have just let him send a second flood of water through. There was nothing I could do. I might have been able to think of a plan given enough time, but the distraction had completely fooled me until it was too late.

In other words... I had ended up making a shortcut that let them skip straight to the fourth floor. And another platoon of Golems is heading its way too. They don’t seem to be as heavily armored as the first platoon, but they’re pulling something behind them. It looks like a long snake, curving back to their dungeon where it seems to be connected to something. What’s it for? How long is it? The Golems just keep advancing, stretching it behind them.

The Golem platoon loops around the mountain. The hell is going on...? The Golems who invaded the fourth floor through the tunnel are standing still, as if waiting for something to arrive. No matter how many monsters I send over, none of them can do anything to the shield and spear combo. The occasional sword does serious damage, too. I can’t believe weapons and armor can make Golems this much stronger. I’m gonna have to take them a little more seriously from now on.

Eventually, as expected, the platoon of Golems with the snake-thing meet up with the other platoon.

“What the FUCK...?!” Another massive horde of enemies appears on the map. But they’re not Golems. I can’t see them at all. But I can see that the snake-thing the Golems have been carrying is swelling like hell. It used to be flat, but now it’s packed full of something... packed full of invaders. It’s probably carrying the same water that first flooded into our dungeon. They left the dungeon and headed to the hole leading to the fourth floor. I took a look outside the dungeon and saw that they had built dirt walls to help prevent water from leaking back out.

“Haha! HAHAHAHAHA! This is pretty fucking serious now...!” Water filled with invaders is flooding into my dungeon from the tip of the snake-thing. The fourth floor is being steadily covered in red enemy dots. I can only laugh loudly and buckle down to try and recover from this.

# Keima’s Perspective

The hose continued to spray out water, utilizing gravity for an extra boost. That water being plankton water, of course. It couldn’t produce an overwhelming wave of destructive water like the initial flood did, but it was enough to really get the dungeon soaking wet.

“So, how do you all feel about Plan B? Lemme hear your thoughts.”

“If the enemy opens a hole to divert the water, we’ll invade through the hole and flood it with water from there. If the hole is small, we’ll dig it out. And finally, if the enemy digs another hole further down, we’ll repeat the process with that one. Well... I think it’s super mean! Think about how they feel right now!”

“You’re amazing, Master!”

“You’re a monster, dude.”

By the way, Plan A was just winning with the initial flood of water if he didn’t open up a hole, and Plan C was being forced to conquer the dungeon legitimately if he somehow managed to stop and get rid of the water completely from the inside. Ideally, things would have gone according to Plan A, but life is rarely that generous.

I bought the fire hose with DP, and it was pretty expensive. I technically had to buy a lot of them to get the length I wanted, so yeah. I’m pretty sure I ended up buying close to 100,000 DP’s worth. It would have been a waste to convert gold coins to DP, so I borrowed the DP I didn’t have from Rokuko. Without interest.

...It was still the most expensive expenditure of this battle by far. You might think it was a waste of money, but come on, I wanted to attack the fire dungeon with water... uh, I mean, it’s a necessary tool for conquering the rest of the dungeon after getting past the fifth floor. Flooding the dungeon with water is the fastest way to conquer floors, so yeah. We definitely couldn’t conquer fifty floors in one day any other way. Also, the hose will be useful for inn-related stuff, so it was worth it. Definitely. Yep.

Though I really gotta wonder if fire hoses belong in the misc goods section of the Catalog... eh. Whatever. The fact I can connect them into one big hose is pretty convenient.

“So like, doesn’t this mean I’m being totally useless? Why don’t we just attack from the hole and ignore the front? I’m feeling kinda like a waste of space right now.” I had given Ichika command of the Golem platoon that was starting from the first floor and conquering the dungeon through normal means.

“...No harm in getting used to doing things the normal way, yeah?”

“I mean, you’ve got a point, but now that Plan C’s out the window, shouldn’t I just abandon this joint and invade through the hole too?”

“Yeah, true. Come back to base for a bit. Niku, how are things on your end?”

“The squad of reconnaissance rats discovered surviving enemies. I am taking the guerrilla Golem squad to finish them off.” This time, the rats were serving as scouts outside of the dungeon. I had carried them in boxes and unleashed them right outside. I didn’t want us to get attacked from behind by any monsters who survived getting washed outside.

“Keima, he opened up a new hole on the fifth floor this time. And I’m pretty sure it leads to the Boss Room.”

“Hahaha. Guess we’re not gonna be able to drown the boss, then.” But really, Ittetsu pulled an impressive move there. As effective at defeating the flood of water as it was, he just opened up a path directly to the Boss Room from the outside. That wasn’t the kind of trick a sane person would pull. Not that I have any right to be saying things like that.

By the way, the Boss Room was an actual boss room in that we couldn’t advance past it until we defeated the boss. The door leading deeper wouldn’t let even a single drop of water pass it by, which meant we had no choice but to defeat the Red Dragon. We gotta beat the final boss on the fifth floor of a fifty floor dungeon? What kinda crappy game is this? Totally unbalanced. Just awful.

“Looks like the flood plan failed. ...I never figured out a way to beat the Dragon. Did you, Keima?”

“...Guess I’ll just show you my answer. Let’s enjoy our front row seats to a Dragon getting exterminated.”

An armored Golem peeked into the hole to the Boss Room.

“GAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

The monitor was immediately overwhelmed by bright white light, then went dark. The other Golems saw what had happened. Dragon fire. The armored Golem was enveloped with fire so hot it melted his equipment, burning him to ashes in an instant. Uh... How freakin’ hot does fire have to be to melt stone equipment? Holy crap.

“Gahaha! How do you like my fire breath?!” Redra cackled loudly, brimming with confidence. The power radiating from her body forced me to recognize her as a fearsome foe, far stronger than I could have anticipated from how she looked when she was with the gullimander.

“K-Keima? Can we beat her?!”

“...No idea.” With the violent might of a true Red Dragon in front of me, I honestly didn’t know whether or not it was a creature we could hope to defeat.

“GYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOH!”

The ground shook each time Redra roared. I was only watching her through the monitor, but I still felt immense pressure. So this is a Dragon, huh?

“...I’m sorry, Master, but I just peed myself.”

“Hahaha, don’t sweat it. I came close to doing that myself... {Purification}.”

“Hyafu...! Th-Thank you very much.” I cast {Purification} on Niku, cleaning her up in a bubbly flash. I wonder if Rokuko and Ichika are holding up okay.

“Yeah girl, don’t feel bad. Red Dragons are strong enough that a party of A-Ranks should feel lucky to scrape by with only a few dead allies. If I were looking at that Dragon up close, I definitely woulda peed myself too. That’s just how it is. Are you okay, Rokuko?”

“I’m fine, I can cast {Purification} myself.” Rokuko, voice shaking, had fallen to the same fate as Niku. But anyway, putting all that aside, I’ve gotta do something about this Red Dragon. I said all that about watching a Dragon get exterminated or whatever, so yeah. Heeey, Mister Goleeem. Do the thing I told you abooout.

# Ittetsu’s Perspective

“Gahaha! I knew these small fries would be nothing to me!” Redra laughed loudly while melting Golem after Golem with her fire.

“That’s my Redra. But be careful, ya hear?”

“You worry too much, 112! Just look, they haven’t even hit me!” The flood of water had definitely surprised them, but thanks to how quickly Ittetsu had opened a hole to divert the water flow, the only real lasting effect were the puddles of water covering the floor. The only thing that held Redra up was the fact that all the water was marked as an enemy on the map. Her mind raced, considering whether the water was filled with slimes or something smaller, but her thoughts were cut short after a new Golem came marching in.

“Hah, they wanna die that much... w-wait... what?! H-Hold on!”

“Ah? What’s up, Redra... Oh, this is...” Redra started to breathe fire, but hurriedly swallowed it back down. That threw Ittetsu off for a second, but he understood after seeing the Golem. It was holding a crystal statue as a shield.

“H-Hey! Isn’t that the statue he said he’d give me if we won?! The match of the one we already have!”

“Hahaha! Can’t use your fire now, huh? What a fucking guy.” If she breathed fire at the Golem, the crystal statue would likely be damaged in the process. They had agreed to the Dungeon Battle largely because Redra wanted that statue. It was the worst possible thing he could have used as a shield.

“Ngh, then I’ll just use my claws!” Redra tried using her claws to crush the Golem directly. But the large claws of a Dragon weren’t capable of movements that delicate. They were meant for swiping away hordes of enemies at once. It wasn’t likely that she’d be capable of deftly crushing the Golem while leaving the statue unharmed.

“Grrr...” They were in trouble. She couldn’t do anything. Even growling didn’t do anything since they were facing a Golem. A normal monster with an animal brain would have dropped the statue and fled in sheer terror. The statue-wielding Golem, on the other hand, drew its sword and charged in swinging. Unable to swipe him away, she had to sit there and take the blow. Screech! The blade let out an odd noise and dug into Redra’s scales.

“Uwooooh?! A Magic Blade?!” She hurriedly took a step back. But the tip of her wing nearly clipped the crystal statue. She folded them as tightly as she could against her body to try and prevent that from happening again.

“Ngh, this is tough...!” The Golem came charging again, with its statue shield held up high. Redra, in turn, backed off again. She didn’t want to harm her precious treasure. That was all she could think about.

“Ngh, what can I do... here? What?!” In the midst of her running away, Redra noticed that the floor had at some point become submerged by water. Each step she took sent water flying everywhere. She looked around and saw that the vent hole they had opened was being blocked up by Golems. The water filling the room was likely the same enemy-water as before.

“Tricky...!” She inhaled deeply to let loose a wave of fire on the Golems blocking the hole, but the Golem she had been fighting with dashed over to them, crystal statue gleaming brightly.

“AAAAH!!!” She once again had to swallow her fire before letting it loose. A puff of heat blasted through her lips.

“Then I’ll just use my claws! I’ll destroy them and the tunnel!”

“Hold up, Redra. They’re outside of the Boss Room. If you leave the Boss Room... they’ll have conquered the floor.” The Boss Room had such a firm lock precisely because the boss existed within it. Turning that around, without the boss inside of it, the door would open and the water would flood down to the next floor. In other words... the fifth floor would be conquered and they would lose. However, that being said, Redra couldn’t bear to remain in the room unable to attack her enemies. She was physically strong enough that she could continue chasing the Golems around for the rest of the day, but not mentally.

“What should I do?! This isn’t a fight! DO SOMETHING, 112!!!” Do something. Redra, the Dungeon Master, said that to Ittetsu.

“...Aaah. Here we fuckin’ go...”

And Ittetsu, Dungeon Core Number 112, had to grant that wish by any means necessary. Even if it guaranteed their defeat. All he could do was try to make their defeat as painless as possible while minimizing their long-term losses.

# Keima’s Perspective

“Hey, Keima... How ’bout we make a deal?” Ittetsu contacted me while I was giving orders to the Golem carrying the crystal Golem shield. A deal, huh?

“Depends on the deal.”

“I want you to give us that crystal statue. If you do, we’ll let you pass the fifth floor.” In other words, they don’t mind losing if I give them the statue.

“And, uh... I’d appreciate it if you don’t pull any more tricks that make it impossible for Redra to attack you.”

“I don’t mind handing over the statue to get past floor five, but that second part is a bit much. I’ll make it work if you take us straight to the bottom floor without getting in our way, though.”

“Aaah? Ah... Redra can’t fight like that. You’ve gotta at least let us fight in the final Boss Room.” Wait, really? I just said that for the hell of it, I can’t believe he actually went with it. Really though, something about what he just said feels off somehow... Ah. He must be under the influence of Absolute Authority right now. Redra did just scream “I can’t fight, do something about this.”

“Better this than you flooding our dungeon and making us open a bunch of holes. Let’s take this to the real Boss Room and settle things there. Deal?” Ah, yeah, that makes sense. The flooding must be really rough for him. Rough for the monsters and stuff in this fire-based dungeon to survive a massive flood of water. I knew flooding his dungeon was the right call.

“...Alright, which means you won’t get in our way as we travel to the Boss Room. Unlock all the doors in your dungeon and deactivate the traps. We’ll have a one hour long ceasefire. ...Ah, and that hour doesn’t count in the twenty-four hour time limit.”

“Alriiight! It’s a deal. Hey, Redra! There’s gonna be a one hour ceasefire!” Thus, our victory was secured and completing the bonus conditions became a lot easier.

“...Um, ah... Keima? I’m not really sure what just happened... but did we win? Did we beat Core Number 112? And the Dragon?” Rokuko looked at me with a stunned expression on her face.

“Yeah, I guess we did. We took the Dragon down. Now we just gotta touch the Dungeon Core on floor fifty for the complete victory. And of course, that’s what we’re gonna do.”

Rokuko’s eyes widened.

“Are you serious? Wait, what am I talking about, of course you’re serious...”

“You bet I am. The whole reason I negotiated with Ittetsu at all was to set this up, y’know?”

“...But we can’t use the statue as a shield anymore, and we can’t use any strategies that make her unable to fight... How are we gonna beat her?”

“Well, naturally, I’ve got a plan. The one you gave me.”

“The plan... I gave you?” Rokuko tilted her head in confusion.

# Ittetsu’s Perspective

“Grrrrrr...”

“Why the long face? I did something about it, Redra.”

“B-But now we lost the Dungeon Battle... I’m sorry, 112! If only I hadn’t been so selfish...!” Redra was acting timid in a way very unlike herself, but Ittetsu just laughed it off.

“That’s not what the Redra I know would say. And who cares? We got the second crystal statue, that might as well be our win. Won’t be getting the gold coins, though.”

“But now we gotta let them down all the way to floor fifty...”

“So what? You’re not gonna lose, Redra. Keima woulda reached floor fifty no matter what if he got past the fifth floor, it’s all the same.” Not only that, but had the flooding attacks continued, the entire dungeon would have ended up underwater with severe damage to all its monsters and traps. Ittetsu figured that out and knew that the resulting repair costs would be far greater than 500,000 DP.

“And now we got a promise that you get to have a nice, fun fight. Pretty sure we’re the ones who came out on top here. You’ve got my trust, Redra.”

“Yeah...! I’ll give’m hell!”

“I’m countin’ on it. You can fight all day without needing to rest, yeah? Go as wild as you want!”

“Yeah!” Redra cheered up immediately as Ittetsu rubbed her head in satisfaction.

# Keima’s Perspective

A platoon of Golems marched down the staircases, guided by a Red Minotaur as Red Lizards and Flame Hounds watched from afar. It was a truly surreal sight.

“Redra’s ready to fucking fight. I’ll guide you to the bottom, so hurry it up, alright?” I could hardly believe my ears after Ittetsu told me that. Absolute Authority must have been messing with his head or something. I followed the minotaur he sent over and it really did guide me to the downwards staircase. He had even built a bunch of new staircases to take us directly to the bottom. It felt more like an apartment building staircase than a dungeon staircase. We got past the first forty-nine floors after only about an hour of walking. Self-confidence is fine and all, but isn’t this a little much? Though I’m guessing this is probably just better for him than me flooding his whole dungeon.

...We still had over twelve hours left. Redra likely intended to fight for that entire time. Red Dragons were Dragons specialized for battle, and one could easily fight for over a day at full potential. They were basically cheaters in that although they had to inhale first, they could breathe as much fire as they wanted. Also, all my Dragon knowledge came from Rokuko. According to her:

“All Dragons are really strong, but Red Dragons are built for combat! Their fire breath and claws are top class! Haku’s White Dragons are more like jacks of all trades, so they might lose in a head to head fight. But listen, listen! White Dragons are...” And so, even though I asked her about Red Dragons, Rokuko wasted my time for a solid hour talking about White Dragons. Thanks to her, I knew more about Dragons than I ever wanted to. Apparently, she had dreams of following in Haku’s footsteps and summoning a lot of Dragons. Since she couldn’t afford any right now, she spent her time learning more about them. If you love Dragons that much, why didn’t you spend your 100,000 DP tip on one... huh? If you’re gonna buy a Dragon, you don’t want a subspecies, you want one of the strongest ones? Hahaha, how cute. How much DP do you think real Dragons cost? Even a baby costs millions of DP.

“So, what’s their weak point?”

“Apparently the best thing to do is get on your knees and beg for mercy! Or run away!” Rokuko beamed a confident smile. Uh... That’s not really fighting them. Or winning. I ultimately didn’t learn anything about a weak point or something similar. The tip that Dragons loved shiny things was proving more useful than anything Rokuko knew. That’s Haku for you, our dungeon’s goddess of good fortune.

The Golem platoon reached the Boss Room. Break time was almost over.

“Okay, Keima! It’s time for a full-on battle with a Dragon! Don’t worry, I just used the bathroom!”

“Wait. Now that I think about it, didn’t you say that Dungeon Cores don’t need to use the bathroom?”

“...I’m a human type. If I eat, well, stuff will come out.” That’s news to me.

Niku and Ichika used the bathroom while they could, and of course, I did as well. Now I don’t have to worry about pissing myself when Redra starts spitting fire everywhere!

# Ittetsu’s Perspective

“GRAAAAAAAAH!” They were in a Boss Room more than wide and strong enough for a Red Dragon to wield their strength to its fullest potential. In the middle of said room was Redra, spinning her head around while breathing fire. That alone was enough to destroy nearly a hundred of the armored Golems surrounding her. Though each broken Golem was quickly replaced with a new one.

“Gahahaha! This is it, this is what I’ve been waiting for!” Redra laughed, extremely pleased. She swung her tail while cackling, knocking back the Golems behind her and sending them flying into a wall that shattered them on impact. Her fire breath melted the ground and started turning it into magma, but Ittetsu quickly fixed it before things got that bad.

“Come on! Dance, dance, dance until the sun comes up!” Which would run out first, Keima’s stock of Golems or the time limit? Either way, Redra wasn’t going to get tired out. She could easily fight for an entire day straight. Given their affinity with the fire element, Red Dragons had an extremely high resistance towards heat that allowed them to shoot out fire as hot as they wanted—fire so hot other Dragons would burn their throats and mouths attempting to do the same.

Dragons were unbeatable in a fight. Nobody wanted to fight a Dragon, especially a Red Dragon. As a result, few adventurers ever challenged the [Flame Caverns], and this was the first time in years of boredom that Redra could really stretch her wings in battle. She was strong enough that she could invade a nearby kingdom and do serious damage, but Redra wasn’t one to enjoy bullying the weak. She also had her duties as Dungeon Master to take care of, and Ittetsu was her husband. She didn’t want to leave Tsia Mountain if she could help it.

With all that in mind, it should be clear why she was having so much fun mowing down Golems boldly challenging her. She was having so, so, so much fun. The Golems even wielded Magic Blades, somehow, which could harm her scales. There were hordes of them, and they all worked together to inflict damage on her. They were basically flies tickling her if she paid attention, but if she let her guard down, they would really hurt her.

And that’s exactly what she wanted. A battle with proper enemies to fight.

“Aaaaah, I’m loving this! How many of you are left?! How much longer is this fun gonna last?!” It must have cost a fairly sizable amount of DP to buy full sets of equipment for all the Golems. That worried Redra, as it meant there might not be many for her to fight. But her fears were relieved by the sight of a new Golem. It was carrying an egg about the size of a small watermelon. Redra didn’t understand why.

“Is that an offering or something?! Guess I’ll make some fried eggs!” She breathed out fire all over the Golem holding the egg. But the Golem didn’t melt. Or to be more precise, the Golem’s stone armor and helmet melted, but both it and the egg were fine.

“...What?! I’ve never seen a Golem like this before...!” It was kind of white and kind of yellow... The same color as an egg. That made the actual egg harder to see, as if it were being camouflaged.

“Well, not like that matters!” This time, she launched her claws at it. That naturally broke the Golem apart... but it threw the egg away moments before impact, straight towards Redra’s mouth. She had been in the middle of sucking up air to breathe fire again, so the egg flew perfectly right between her wide-open rows of teeth.

“Ngggh?!” She reflexively swallowed the egg. But it got stuck midway down her throat.

“Mgggh?! Ngh...!” The egg had stopped itself in her throat as if it had suddenly grown arms and legs.

(Wh-What’s going on?!) Her airflow wasn’t completely blocked. It may have been a large egg, but a Red Dragon’s throat was by no means small. But it was still hard to breathe. And before she could fully process what was going on, the egg crawled down her windpipe, avoiding the way down to her stomach. Soon it reached something else entirely... her lungs, from which she breathed fire.

“Nnn, nggh! This feels, so gross...! Wh-What the heck is... ngggh?!” Slice. A sword sprung out of the egg and stabbed her lungs.

“Gah! Aah, ghaaah?!” Redra stumbled, feeling pain and suffering unlike anything she had ever felt in her centuries of life. Although Dragons had incredibly sturdy bodies, they were still beyond vulnerable to internal attacks on their scaleless organs. Lungs weren’t equipped to deal with things going inside of them. She weakly spat out fire and blood in a cough that forced the egg out of her body.

“Ngh, cough... Wh-What the heck...?!” She had swallowed adventurers and been attacked from the inside before. But it didn’t hurt nearly as bad then. Dragons were strong enough to easily melt armor and weapons inside of them, anyway. A Dragon’s insides shouldn’t even flinch from being stabbed by a normal blade.

“This must have been that something Ittetsu was talking about... Ngh! Cough, cough!” She spat out all the blood that had pooled within her lungs. The cuts were already sealing on their own, proof of how sturdy Dragons were.

“But they shouldn’t have any more of those eggs, ri— Ah?!” Redra looked around and saw that she was surrounded by nearly a hundred Golems, each holding an egg. Of course, that was enough for even Redra’s blood to run cold.

“A-Aaah! Uwaaaah!” She immediately started destroying the Golems and eggs. Only once all the Golems and eggs were destroyed did she take a deep breath. No Golems came forth to replace them.

“Hah, hahaha... What, already finished...?” Redra’s wings relaxed as relief washed over her. She then glanced at the floor and saw an egg just sitting there. Perhaps she just missed it earlier.

“Hmph!” Smack! She crushed it with her tail. Finally, every single egg was des— Suddenly, right before Redra’s eyes, light gathered and the egg revived.

“What?! The heck is with this thing...?!” She crushed it with her claws. But within seconds, it revived again.

“Aaah!” She crushed it again at the same time. Revive. Crush. Revive. Crush. Revive...

“Whaaat?! The heck is even with this thing?! Uwaaaah!” Redra, descending into a craze, continued attacking the continually reviving egg.

# Keima’s Perspective

“Alright, just as planned.” Redra had become completely enslaved by the egg (meaningful wink). She was having a lot of fun dancing around and playing with it. While sobbing.

“Hey, Keima. That’s Phenny, isn’t it?”

“Yup. Your plan was right, he can revive no matter how many times she kills him. He’s doing great!”

“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind...! Couldn’t you have had him, like, do something a lot cooler than just die over and over?!” C’mon, he’s an actual egg, not the protagonist of an action movie. Don’t expect too much from him. By the way, the egg Golems I made from collected phoenix eggshells naturally did not revive upon death. They were ultimately just Golems, after all. But they were Golems built from the eggshells of a bird that lived amongst fire. I experimented with the eggshells and found that they had enough fire resistance to easily survive direct exposure to the thermite process—that is, a fire of about 3,000 degrees initiated by mixing metal and aluminum. It didn’t even leave a mark.

Which led to today’s strategy: Rokuko’s genius (?) egg attack plan. At first I thought I’d try to recreate what happened in the Inch-High Samurai folktale, but Dragon stomachs turned out to be a lot stronger than I expected in more ways than one. So, I shifted my focus to their lungs instead. The egg-shaped Golems had their Magic Blade-ified arms and legs inside of their outer shell, waiting to come out whenever necessary. I had ordered them to sprout their limbs upon entering the throat, and of course, to hide them when spat back out.

But the egg-shaped Golems were very light. A Dragon could easily blow them out of its throat without much trouble. That’s why I ordered them to quickly stab Redra’s throat before being spat out, thereby traumatizing her. I would then have the real phoenix egg—which looked identical to the egg-shaped Golems—roll out and attack her. I also had a platoon of Golems carrying egg-shaped Golems surround her just in case she wasn’t panicking—that is, in case she wasn’t traumatized yet and needed another egg in the lungs to set her straight. The results were as you saw. All I had to do was stealthily place the real phoenix egg on the ground and the deal was sealed.

“This is horrible.”

“Thank you.” Rokuko gave me her valued opinion. In reality, though, I could have had the egg explode in Redra’s lung and killed her on the spot. I only didn’t do that because it would have made me feel pretty terrible. Plus, I didn’t want Ittetsu swearing to get revenge or anything like that. Being on good terms with your neighbor is important for sleeping well. It’d be hard to catch a nap if someone was beating on your walls all the time. And so, I hurt her enough to immobilize but not kill her. For a second I wondered if stabbing her lungs alone would be enough to kill her, but I figured Red Dragons were strong enough to blow it off. Worst case scenario, we lived in a world with Restoration Magic. We could work something out.

“So, how are you going to win now?”

“...Take a look at this.”

“Oh, the map... wait, what? Why is there a friendly signature on the other side of the boss door?”

“Remember that Crystal Golem I gave Ittetsu?”

“Eh? Crystal Golem? You mean the crystal statue you just gave them?”

“No, not that one. Remember? Waaay back before the dungeon battle even started?” Indeed. I was referring to the crystal statue I gave Ittetsu the day we negotiated the terms of the Dungeon Battle. Or, in other words, the Crystal Golem I gave them.

“Didn’t you give that to them?!”

“I said they could take it, but I don’t remember saying it was theirs.”

“But, but, didn’t you call it a present for them?”

“That was if they bought the gold coins for 500,000 DP. The deal changed after that, so yeah.” It was some pretty harsh wordplay, but since I didn’t actually give it to them, the statue still belonged to us. And despite how it looked, it was a Golem, which meant it was our pawn. A part of our army.

...Even if they locked it up in some treasure room, it was still worthwhile. If the storeroom was below the fifth floor, part of our army would have technically gotten below it, which secured our victory. And if luck was on our side, it might’ve even ended up close enough to the Dungeon Core for us to touch it. That was my plan in a nutshell.

A certain tactician once said, “The results of a battle are determined before it begins.” He was completely right. Ittetsu ended up placing the statue in their bedroom for a night, and then storing it in their treasure room, located on the very bottom floor of their dungeon—the fifty-first floor.

“Isn’t that against the rules or something?”

“Nope, and it worked out perfectly. Thanks to the Golem, I heard Ittetsu himself say that the dungeon had fifty-one floors total, which was a major factor in me deciding to go with flooding the dungeon.” I had used the Golem to eavesdrop on them, which I kind of felt bad about, but hey. Gotta do what you gotta do to win.

“...Wait. Doesn’t this mean that you knew we were going to win no matter what from the start, Keima?”

“Yep. This is a battle we had no chance of losing. The only thing left was securing the bonus victory. Do you remember that deal I made earlier?”

“The deal...? Ah. Unlocking all the doors in the dungeon... You said that so he’d unlock the treasure room’s door, didn’t you?”

“Yep. The Golem in the treasure room is our ultimate trump card. I’m gonna finish this battle off while Ittetsu’s distracted by Redra.” I controlled the Crystal Golem, making it exit the treasure room and look around.

“Now, where’s the Dungeon Core...” The fifty-first floor had nothing but the treasure room, Ittetsu’s bedroom, and a staircase up to the fiftieth floor. Nothing else. Oh yeah, Haku’s [Ivory Proving Grounds] had its core right after the fifth floor Boss Room. I made the Golem climb up the staircase one step at a time. Soon, it got close enough to hear Ittetsu desperately calling out to Redra to try and calm her down.

At the top of the staircase was the shut door to the Boss Room and a faintly glowing Dungeon Core. Ittetsu was right beside it, talking to Redra through the menu. I get it now. They put the Dungeon Core right after the Boss Room, and then put the treasury after that. The idea must be for adventurers to ignore the Core and go straight for the treasury.

...The stand supporting the Core was exquisitely designed. But it was short enough that even the somewhat small Crystal Golem could climb it. I stealthily made it stab its tiny sword into the pedestal like a climbing pick so it could reach the top. And so...

“Hey, Redra! Get a grip! C-C’mon... Wait, what?! The hell is this thing doing here?!”

“And, touch.” Ittetsu noticed at the last moment, but it was too late. Using my trump card, the Crystal Golem, I successfully touched their Dungeon Core.