Extra Episode — Rei’s Day Off: What Would Happen If You Gave the Absolutely Not-Lazy High Priestess a Vacation

“So yeah. Rei, you did your best hosting Aidy while she was here, and your {Illusion} skill was a huge help in the battle. In honor of your accomplishments, I grant you a one week vacation.”

“Yes, sir! I am hon...honored... what? A vacation?”

“Yeah. Rokuko set everything up for you. I actually wanted to give you a full month, but with the church work and all this was the best I could do. Still, this is your week. Rest as much as you want. I’m sure you’re exhausted from all this Aidy business.”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

And so began Rei’s reward vacation.

Day One

“What am I supposed to do for a whole week...?”

Rei was immediately confronted with the painful reality that she had absolutely nothing to do. Still, as the High Priestess of Beddhism, it would be unthinkable for her to not rest despite being on vacation. She needed to be a role model for all dedicated believers out there, and she wasn’t about to let them down.

Not that such thinking changed the fact she had nothing to do.

“For now, I guess I can think of this as a normal break from work and just lie down...”

Rei flopped into bed. It was a comfortable futon, the symbol of Beddhism. Her dakimakura, enveloped in Keima’s jersey, was ready for hugging. She decided to rest and prepare for work tomorrow.

Day Two

“I’m full of energy! Now, time to work and—”

It was only after she put on her nun outfit that Rei remembered she was on vacation. How horrible. Despite being at the peak of physical fitness, there was no work for her to do.

“Gaaah... I-I want to work! I want to be useful to Master!”

In a general sense, Rei was born from the dungeon, and she lived to serve it and the Dungeon Master. And yet, that Master had told her to rest. This created a situation where she had to rest but wanted to work even more because she had been told to rest. Rei would have gleefully worked if only Keima hadn’t stopped her. That was just the kind of Vampire she was.

“So, Neruneh, what do you think? How should I rest?” Rei asked.

“Whaaat? You’re going to ask me thaaat?”

Rei, not knowing what to do, executed the strategy of asking her companions for advice. Neruneh, who was enjoying some reading while sitting at the inn’s front desk, had the most hobbies out of any of her companions. In which case, no doubt she knew better than anyone how to spend meaningful days off.

“Let’s seeeee... In my caaase, I study magic ciiircles, magic toools, and practice magiiic.”

Hm. Rei thought about that reply. Was it not exactly the kind of work she had been forbidden from doing?

“Um. Isn’t that just your job?”

“No, nooo, it’s my hobbyyy. It’s just a coincidence that my work overlaps with my hobbiiiiies.”

“But...”

“They’re my hobbiiies,” Neruneh repeated with so much pressure Rei had no choice but to fall silent. And then, it hit her.

“So if I pretend my work is a hobby, I can work even while on vacation! Yeees! Time to go translate some of the Beddhist bible!”

“That’s just working on your day oooff.”

Oh no. Her idea had been rejected. And worst of all, working on your day off was one of Beddhism’s taboos. One could only do so by performing the holy ritual wherein one delayed their day off for later.

“Grr... Isn’t there any way I can do work while on vacation?”

“Reeei, don’t you think Kinue would be an expert on thaaat?”

Of course. Kinue’s work and hobbies overlapped completely due to her love of cooking and cleaning. She could work on her vacations ever more blatantly than Neruneh since her love of cleaning was so universally known. In other words, she was the world’s greatest expert in exactly what Rei was trying to do.

And so Rei went to the inn’s kitchen.

“Okay, spill the beans. What tricks are you using?”

“My, my. Please don’t frame it in such a poor light, Rei. I always use my days off to rest, just as intended.”

“Enough excuses. Just tell me your secrets. Please.”

“I have no other opportunity to clean our rooms except on my days off, no?” Kinue asked with a smile, and Rei staggered as if she had been struck by lightning. Of course! Kinue cleaned on her days off... but she cleaned the rooms of the inn’s workers—Rei’s room, her own room, and so on.

“I... No way! You leave work undone specifically so you can do it on your day off?!”

“Ahaha. Why, I just keep my work life and private life separate. I enjoy making sweets as well.”

“I-I see!”

Kinue certainly did offer Niku, Ichika, the Silkies, and even Rokuko and Keima sweets all the time, but to think that she had made them all on her days off by claiming over and over that doing so was simply her hobby!

“But what should I do, then...? My work isn’t something I can pass off as being a hobby, unlike you two...”

“It’s true that working in the church, managing the dungeon, and running the inn are all blatantly not your pastimes... Mm. Perhaps you should discuss this with Rokuko? She will certainly give you inspiration,” Kinue said before returning to work. Rei grit her teeth with jealousy.

In any case, Rei decided to follow Kinue’s advice and consult Rokuko.

“And that’s the problem.”

“Rei, you’re exhausted. You need to take it easy.”

But upon saying that she wanted to do work while on vacation, Rokuko just told her to relax anyway.

“But, I mean, I just don’t know what to do...”

“We should be giving you more regular vacations. This isn’t good,” Rokuko said, putting a thoughtful hand on her cheek. “Is there anything you want to do?”

“I want... to work...”

“You should give up on that. But you’re not Keima, so I can see why rolling around in bed all day would be painful for you. Do you have any actual hobbies?”

“Ummm...” Rei fell into thought. However, if she could think of something that easily, she wouldn’t have been in this situation.

“What about going out on a trip?”

“A trip...”

“You have five days left, which you could use to, well, go to Tsia or Pavella? Oh, but it’d be dangerous for you to go alone, so what if you took Maiodore with you? Honestly, you could visit the Tsia church as the High Priestess and I’ll pretend that’s just your hobby.”

“I’ll go!” Rei replied instantly.

“While you’re there, could you deliver a letter to Bonodore... Ahem, a letter to Tsia’s archduke for me? Oh, and don’t worry about an inn. They should let you stay in the church, obviously.”

Incredible! She was even giving her a job in the form of delivering a letter! Rei’s mood shot up instantly; consulting Rokuko had truly been a wise idea.

“Could you tell Maiodore I asked her to take you to Tsia tomorrow?”

“As you wish!”

And so Rei obtained permission to visit Tsia. Tralalala.

Day Three

Rei left for Tsia with Maiodore. They were riding a high-class carriage. It was, in fact, the same one they had borrowed when Keima and the others went to the imperial capital to be given peerage. Maiodore normally rode more humble carriages, but when Rei had mentioned going with her to Tsia to deliver a letter, she had instantly made arrangements to take the higher class carriage. Naturally, she hadn’t told Rei. No need for her to know.

“Truly, my apologies for dragging you out here with me, Maiodore.”

“Think nothing of it. It is my honor as a Beddhist to accompany you,” Maiodore replied with a smile. Her eyes subtly glanced down at the handheld crossbow hanging from Rei’s hip. It was a weapon infrequently found within the [Cave of Greed]. No doubt it was for self-defense, but it was still flagrant for her to be carrying it around like that. “In any case... What is the letter you have for the archduke about, might I ask?”

“Who knows? They didn’t tell me. However, since Rokuko entrusted it to me, I will guard it with my life.” Rei smiled proudly to herself while gripping the letter, just gently enough that it didn’t crease the envelope.

Maiodore interpreted that as meaning it was a letter important enough that even the life of the High Priestess was but a stepping stone to ensure its delivery. Her first guess was that it involved the Divine Bedding somehow.

“This is quite grave...”

“Indeed! It certainly is, Maiodore.”

Though, in the end, they arrived safely at Tsia with only Maiodore’s nerves being hurt along the way. They went through the gates without even a search and went straight to the archduke’s estate.

“Hm? Don’t we have to pay a fee to get inside?”

“Ah, no, my carriage is special. It would be strange for the archduke’s daughter to have to pay an entry fee, after all.”

“Oh, right, I forgot that’s who you were. Wait... does that mean we’re going to meet the archduke right away?”

Maiodore failed to completely hide her surprise that Rei had forgotten she was the archduke’s daughter, but Rei didn’t seem to notice. She mainly just looked worried that she was missing something.

“Yes, we are. Is there any problem with that?”

“Er, no, I just thought we’d have to go through some channels before meeting him.”

“I see.”

Oh no! Now I’m going to finish my one job in no time! Rei thought to herself with worry, but she wasn’t so childish as to delay the completion of her job simply for her own sake. She remained in the carriage. Maiodore on the other hand tensed up even more, fearing that there was some problem after all, but it was all for naught.

They were guided to the parlor without issue, and Bonodore the Archduke of Tsia arrived without making Rei wait long at all.

“Greetings, High Priestess. We are honored by your visit.”

“Erm, are you the archduke?”

“Yes. Haha, indeed, I am secretly attending your masses in disguise. Did I surprise you?”

Rei had simply not recognized him and asked the question to stall for time while she checked the map, but Bonodore interpreted that favorably as her recognizing him from mass and getting worried. In any case, now that she knew he was the archduke, Rei straightened her back and got into business mode.

“Honorable archduke. This is the letter Rokuko entrusted me with.”

“And so it is received. May I read its contents immediately?”

“At your leisure.”

Bonodore opened the letter and read it at once.

“Oh?”

The letter was a simple message saying that the High Priestess was on vacation for the next four days, and she wanted him to let her stay in the local Ivory Church. Bonodore had thought for certain this would be a discussion about borrowing the Divine Bedding, or perhaps about Niku Kuroinu. For reference, Rokuko had written the letter without thinking too hard about it, much like one would write a letter to the father of a friend.

“It says thusly: ‘During the High Priestess’s stay, please allow her to stay at Tsia’s church.’”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Very well. I shall make the arrangements.”

The letter didn’t have any hidden messages, so despite his confusion Bonodore made the requested arrangements. As he could not read their intentions, following the request to the letter was the safest option for him. He went ahead and told his subordinates to guard the High Priestess just in case.

“High Priestess. Would you like to go to the church immediately?”

“Er, um, sure.”

“Very well. Your carriage is ready.”

By the time Rei replied, the arrangements had already been made. And so she comfortably traveled from the archduke’s state to the Ivory Church in Tsia.

“Wow, so this is an Ivory Church... It’s basically like a part of Haku’s home then, I guess? As expected of such a historic church.”

But as Rei looked up at the grand Ivory Church, she thought to herself that Beddhist churches looked just as magnificent. Maybe that was just her bias, but still. It was pretty ridiculous to compare the Beddhist headquarters with a simple backwater church, but anyway...

“Welcome, High Priestess of Beddhism. We have heard much about you.”

“Er, right. Um... Who are you?”

“My name is George. I humbly serve this church as a priest of the Ivory Church.”

He was a friendly-looking older man. That was all Rei really thought after seeing him.

“The color of your hair and eyes is exceedingly beautiful, Lady Rei. The Ivory Goddess must truly favor you.”

“What? Doesn’t she like blonde hair and blue eyes?”

The priest praising Rei’s silver hair and ruby-red eyes threw her off for a second, but then she remembered that Haku the Ivory Goddess herself had silver hair and red eyes. It followed that the Ivory Church would value that color combination above anything else, and would praise it in the context of the Ivory Goddess favoring someone.

“Ah, I see what you mean.”

“Indeed. Only at my advanced age did I earn the Ivory Goddess’s notice and develop white hair, but I am endlessly envious of how divine the white beauty your hair so effortlessly has,” the priest said, stroking his own white hair on his somewhat balding head. Rei made a mental note to suggest to Keima to add similar turns of phrase to Beddhism, except with Rokuko’s blonde hair and blue eyes being seen as symbols of beauty.

Hm? Wait... Is this what it means to do work as your hobby?!

Putting aside whether this could really be called a hobby, Rei nonetheless became interested in knowing if the Ivory Church had any other interesting turns of phrase.

“Father,” she said to the priest, “I would love to know more about the Ivory Church!”

“Of course, of course. I will tell you all you wish to know. Hopefully these old bones can prove useful yet.”

Incidentally, thanks in part to the archduke’s guards also being laborers, the church had plenty of staff to handle operations without the priest. Rei thus was able to speak to him extensively late into the night.

Day Four

“I don’t recognize this ceiling... Oh, right, this is Tsia’s church.”

Rei awoke to sunlight streaming through her window. On one hand, that was healthy, but probably not ideal for a Vampire. Incidentally, she ate normal food, she appeared in mirrors (although Ghost-type Vampires wouldn’t), and was basically entirely the same as a normal human... Ah, never mind. She had zero attack power. Some said it was a miracle born from her compassion or whatever, but in reality it really was useless outside of providing nice massages.

“Ah, right! I can use this as an opportunity to improve my massages!”

Inspiration struck, and Rei decided to immediately discuss that with the priest, whom she had become friends with after last night’s conversation.

“I see. You wish to improve your massage skills. Perhaps we can discuss this with a masseuse that attends this church? I have used her services before when my hips began to hurt.”

“That would be amazing!”

“Ohoho, that is quite a nice look in your eyes. I am glad to be of use to a young person like yourself at this age. The Ivory Church’s teachings do say to help others even as you grow older. I will gladly provide my assistance.”

The priest felt his spirits lift at Rei’s giddy enthusiasm. He promptly gave an orphan boy a coin and sent him off to call the masseuse.

“What, you’re doing fine, father? I thought your hips were actin’ up again,” said the masseuse, who turned out to be a veteran old lady. “So, is this beaut a new nun or what?”

“Ohoho, my hips are doing fine yet. This is the High Priestess of Beddhism. She wants to learn more about massages, if you don’t mind.”

“Whaaat?! Aaall my customers left me in the dust ’cause they can get massages from young girls in the Beddhist church, and you want me to teach one of them massages?! I’m already dried up, and you wanna dry me up even more! Look at this!” The old lady showed the creases on her hands. They were pretty muscular; she was probably stronger than quite a few lazy adventurers.

“Umm... Sorry about that?”

“I’m just messin’ around! Was it not funny? Ahahaha!” The old lady burst into laughter as Rei apologized.

“Massages, huh? Sure, lemme teach ya. I’ll get to brag to my grandkids that I taught the High Priestess of Beddhism about massages. Aaah, really, forget all that about being dried up. Just a joke! All those brats going to Goren to get massages ain’t nothing to me.”

Rei wasn’t really following, but in any case, the lady seemed willing to teach her.

“Thank you!”

“Yup. So, father. You’re our test dummy.”

“Don’t be too rough, you hear? Not that I don’t trust your skills, of course...”

“So first, you push here. It hurts, but it’s good for the hips. Feel for the pelvis.”

“Gah, gah, gah, gah!”

“Like this?”

“Ooooh...”

“It really doesn’t hurt when you do it, huh? Strange world.”

Rei studied the old woman’s massage, and while at it Rei demonstrated the massages she had learned from the Succubi nuns.

“So, there’s a bump right here at the back. It feels good when you push it.”

“Like this?”

“Gyaaaah?! Th-That was the old lady, wasn’t it?”

“Whew. This is somethin’ else. I’ll have to use it for myself.”

Before they knew it, the sun had begun to set.

“Thank you for all your help today, miss. You even gave me a massage too.”

“Ahaha, well, you sure taught me a lot too! If you ever build a Beddhist church in Tsia, just call me over! I’ll help you nuns out!”

Rei exchanged a firm handshake with the old masseuse, and thus her fulfilling day came to a close.

As an aside, the priest was rendered immobile for a bit due to the intensity of the massages. The old lady had gone a bit overboard while teaching Rei.

Day Five

“I don’t recognize this ceiling... Oh, wait, yes I do. I saw it yesterday.”

Once again Rei awoke to the morning sun streaming down onto her. She wanted to have another fulfilling day off, but what exactly was she to do?

“Oh, I think there was an orphanage next door, wasn’t there?”

Rei recalled Maiodore mentioning on the way here that she had done something with the orphanage following Keima giving her advice. Perhaps it would be best to check up on the place and report to Keima? It was up to Rei to complete this pointless task and get him the information he didn’t need.

“Oho... You don’t mind? Ah, but I’m afraid I’ll need to rest a bit longer. The Ivory Church’s teachings say not to force yourself when you’re ill.”

Beddhism had a similar moral lesson. The priest was stuck quivering and unable to properly move his legs due to yesterday, so Rei went to the orphanage alone.

There, she found the children learning math.

“What’s seven times seven?”

“I know! Forty-nine!”

“Correct. Very good. Next question...”

Impossible. Children as small as Niku were casually doing multiplication... Even Rei still messed up when it came to multiplying numbers as large as seven! It would forever be Rei’s secret that she had thought the answer was forty-seven, not forty-nine.

The Register Golem that Keima invented did all the math for her back at the inn. Who could blame her for forgetting her multiplication tables through lack of use? This was absolutely not a case of Rei being inferior to children. She was not inferior in the least. Not at all. Math was simply not her strong suit.

“Nine times nine is... eighty-one! Didja see that, High Priestess?! Aren’t I awesome?!” bragged an energetic kid. He had just shown a perfect master of the multiplication table, from 1x1 to 9x9.

“Very impressive... To think children would be so good at math,” Rei mused.

“Indeed. The children learn surprisingly quickly if you just take the time to teach them. There are even children who learn to use their fingers for math at the age of just ten. Ahaha, why, they might even be more skilled than a noble child that hates to study,” explained the teacher, who happened to be a Tsia merchant. Apparently he had already started drawing apprentices from the orphanage, and they were proving fairly competent workers. This was all the idea of Goren’s town chief—that is, Keima.

“I can hardly ever express enough thanks for Goren and its chief.”

“Your gratitude is more than enough,” Rei said with a proud nod. It was good to know Keima was earning the respect he deserved here.

“High Priestess, let’s play minotag! More minotag!”

Minotag was apparently a game where everyone wielded sticks like they were Minotaur weapons, and whoever got tapped on the back lost. Though since the sticks were really just thin branches, nobody actually got hurt. It was both a form of play, and practice for becoming an adventurer.

“You would challenge me to a duel...? Very well, you will soon fall befo—HYAAAH, eep!” Rei shrieked, being hit in the back and losing almost instantly.

“So weak...! Ah, um, I mean... Sorry.”

“I-It’s okay! Beddhism isn’t about fighting anyway!”

“Sorry, High Priestess!”

And on top of that, they apologized to her out of pity. Grr...

Incidentally, when it came to Goren residents their baseline for strength was Niku, so there was no avoiding Rei being called weak, but she didn’t know that. All she knew was that she was an administrator of the Cave of Greed, but even children thought she was weak.

“Ngh, you’ve left me no choice... Oyasuminasai!” Rei swung the weapon Keima had entrusted her with—not the crossbow, but the Holy Blade Siesta.

“Guh, I feel so sleepy... Nzz...”

“It’s hot... Let me move to the shade... okay, nzz...”

“Fwaah... Oyasuminasai...”

Sleepiness spread like a virus. Rei managed to stay awake thanks to turning on her {Sleep Resistance}, but the children all fell into a peaceful sleep within the afternoon shade.

“Aha. I win... Yawn.”

Once everyone was asleep and Rei had poked everyone’s back with a stick, she put away Siesta, turned off her {Sleep Resistance}, and joined them in their napping.

Maiodore saw the whole thing from afar; seeing how peacefully they all slept was a striking sign of just how respected the High Priestess of Beddhism truly was. She then went to discuss operation costs with the merchant. It was a productive discussion for them both, and the future of the orphanage was safe.

Day Six

Rei knelt in the Ivory Church and prayed with her hands clasped in front of her chest. Her week-long vacation would be ending tomorrow. Despite everything, her days had been very fulfilling, and she planned to return to Goren by the end of the day. The kids in the orphanage wrote her a letter—yes, they were literate, shockingly enough—asking her to come again, which made her feel guilty about having wielded Siesta against them.

“Thank you for everything, Father.”

“Ohoho, think nothing of it. Come again whenever you wish.”

After saying farewell to the priest, who had fully recovered, Rei returned to Goren. Maiodore, who had coincidentally yet probably intentionally been passing by the church, got in the carriage and rode back with her.

“High Priestess, I heard that you had one more vacation day after this.”

“Oh, you knew? Well, I suppose I would like to spend my final day resting so that I can truly dedicate myself to my work the next day, as is the ideal for a Beddhist.”

“I see. That truly is a splendid line of Beddhist thought.”

Rei gave a proud smile at Maiodore’s praise. For the rest of the day she holed up in the Dancing Doll Inn’s onsen, then slept in her room, which had been thoroughly cleaned by Kinue.

Day Seven

“Okay, work starts tomorrow. Hurry up and be tomorrow! Hurry up and be tomorrow!”

Rei was dying to get back to work. To be honest, she was a workaholic to such a degree it was unsightly for a Beddhist, but none of her coworkers were exactly in a position to point that out. Well, if Keima or Rokuko had seen her, they would have concluded she needed more vacation time.

“Right, I could spend this time writing down a report of everything Beddhism could learn from the Ivory Church! Okay, paper, paper...”

Rei used some of the DP paid to her as a wage to buy paper. It was money coming entirely out of her own pocket, but she considered it something like an offering up to the dungeon. She understood well the feeling of those believers who actively donated their wealth to the Beddhist church. However, since she was the High Priestess, she wasn’t permitted to donate to the church or work for free.

“The words are flowing from my pen!”

And so, ultimately, she ended up spending her final day off writing a report on religious research. All night, too. Morning came before she realized it. She was just so... So well-rested. It just happened.

And that was how Rei spent her one-week vacation.

Bonus: Day Eight (Vacation Over)

“Rei, you’ve got bags under your eyes. Rest.”

“What?! But I just finished my vacation!”

And so, despite having spent a week unwinding, her all-nighter on the final day made her look unhealthy, so she was made to rest all day without getting any work done. On top of that, Keima forcibly paid her for the ink and paper she had bought.

Thus Rei understood that Beddhism was right to say one needed to rest to do work. Vacations needed to be taken seriously.