Extra Episode — Clash at Golemhead - Budokai! Ready, Set, Go!

“We should practice controlling Golems sometimes.”

The thought suddenly struck me. There were many different ways to command Golems, or rather, the monsters of our dungeon.

First was commander mode, where you could make platoons of monsters to give general orders too. This mode was generally used in Dungeon Battles to move large armies around.

Second was leader mode, which let you give more precise orders to individual monsters. The specifics of how to execute the orders were left to the monster, such that you could say “Go forth, Golem!” and it would fight however it wanted.

Last was possess mode, which used a controller. This mode let you control a monster directly and gave you the most freedom. The monster would become stronger depending on the skill of the one controlling it, but the reverse was also true in that the monster would become weaker if someone inexperienced was controlling it. As one might expect, it was pretty fun to control monsters like video game characters. More controllers became available as time went on; some were simple game pads, others had control sticks. I preferred the one with two control sticks.

Different modes of command could be combined as well. For example, it was pretty fundamental stuff to use possess mode on the leader of a squad of monsters while ordering the platoon around with leader mode. It was like giving instructions to other players through voice chat in an online game.

Anyway, back to Golems. Golems were the main monster in our dungeon. They felt like super robots in a good way when possessed, and with the menu monitor fashioned to look like a cockpit screen, it really did feel like riding in a mech. For a guy who liked mechs more than anything else in the world except sleep and nice feet, commanding Golems was some quality entertainment.

“Oh, Keima. You’re practicing with Golems? I think I might join you.”

“You wanna join, Rokuko? Alright. Let’s spar with the Golems.”

“Okay. Want to make things more interesting? Let’s say... Whoever loses has to do whatever the winner wants at least once.” Oh...? Gambling like that against me, the Golem Master? You’ve got guts, Rokuko.

“Alright, I’ll take you up on that challenge.”

“Are you sure? It can be anything, you know...? I’m going all out now.”

We headed to the coliseum area, sparks flying between us. It was an area we built right before Wataru the Hero came, and as you might expect, it consisted entirely of a fighting arena styled after the Roman Colosseum. We were just using it as a place to practice fighting and controlling Golems.

Rei and Ichika were already at the coliseum, fighting each other with a platoon of five Golems each. I like their enthusiasm. Good, good.

“Oh, Rokuko. And Master too, huh. You guys also wanna practice with Golems?”

“Yes, so get those Golems out of the way, please. Keima and I are going to duel. Whoever loses has to listen to whatever the winner says!”

“...For real? Well hold up then, I can’t just ignore that. Let me join in!”

“Um! Please allow me to join as well, Master!”

Hm. Ichika and Rei want to join too, huh?

“Stop it, you two. This is a promise between me and Keima. Nobody else gets to join, obviously.” Rokuko turned them down, but... Yeah. Ichika and Rei. This could be good.

“Wait, wait. This sounds fun. Let’s all do this together. We could make this a tournament, and everyone has to listen to whatever the strongest person wants.”

“Wha?! Keima?!”

“Oooh, all of us, huh? Guess I gotta get Niku in on this.”

“Hello, Kinue? Neruneh? Master just proposed that we...”

Oh? This is definitely getting good. This could be the perfect opportunity to establish my dominance as Dungeon Master.

And so, after many twists and turns, the first Golem Fighters—Cave of Greed Tournament was established. The following rules were established:

1. If your Golem’s head gets destroyed, you lose. (The heads will be made out of clay.)
2. No directly attacking the other player.
3. If any part other than the head gets destroyed, you are allowed to repair it before the next round.

That should be good enough. If Golem Fighters spreads across the world, I’ll make these rules official or something. Maybe we’ll award the winner of the tournament with the title “Golem of Golems.” Not that there’d by any point to that.

...Not that Golem Fighters is actually gonna spread when I’m the only one who can make abnormal Golems.

“Okay. We all agree that the participants must work together to grant whatever wish the victor has, right? We’re all on the same page?” Everyone nodded together.

“That’s right, Keima. And I’m going to win no matter what!”

“Geheheh. Dunno bros, should I spend my victory money on curry rolls or the slot machines?”

“I have already decided on what I want. I’ll do whatever I can to win.”

“Master, I will not hold myself back.”

“In order to mop up any invaders who infiltrate our dungeon, I will polish my Golem commanding skills.”

“Masteeer! Please teach me new magic if I wiiin!”

Rokuko, Ichika, Niku, Rei, Kinue, Neruneh, and finally, me. The higher ups of the [Cave of Greed] have all gathered.

We determined the order of the tournament through a raffle. There were seven of us, so I stepped out of the first round.

Round One, Neruneh vs Niku.

Round Two, Ichika vs Rokuko.

Round Three, Kinue vs Rei.

The winner of Round One would fight me, then the winners of Round Two and Round Three would fight each other. Then, there would be the final battle.

First up was Round One. We walked to the spectator stands and prepared to watch Neruneh and Niku fight. Nobody else was watching, so we got front row seats.

“Do your beeest, Spiky Spiky Turtleee!”

“Here we go, Swordsman Golem.”

Neruneh was controlling a turtle-shaped Stone Golem with a spike covered shell. It was visually intimidating to adventurers and used tackles as its main form of attack. On the other hand, Niku was controlling a plain Stone Golem wielding two standard Golem Blades. To fit with regulations, its head was made of clay. In addition to the two Golem Blades in both hands, it also had one on its back.

“Gooo!”

Neruneh attacked first. Her Golem retracted its head within its shell and charged forward with its spiky body. She was apparently using leader mode. Since she just wanted him to do a simple tackle, it was faster to give the Golem a command and let it work than take control and manage all the specific movements. However... a speedy attack wasn’t enough to take Niku down.

“Weak.”

Niku was using possess mode with a dual-stick controller. She rapidly twisted them around to dodge the tackle and even sliced off one of Spiky Spiky Turtle’s legs with her Golem Blade.

“Aaah?! O-Oh nooo, he can’t move well anymooore!” Spiky Spiky Turtle ran circles in place. Niku’s Golem jumped onto its back, easily avoiding the spikes, and thrust its Golem Blade through Spiky’s shell and subsequently through its head.

“The head has been destroyed! This round’s winner is Niku Kuroinu!” Niku gave a small victory pose from within her control seat.

“Awww, I knew I couldn’t beat Nikuuu...”

“There’s years of experience separating us.” Years? I’m pretty sure it hasn’t even been a year since Niku came here. Same for me, but still.

The first round was exciting enough, but up came Round Two.

“Listen up, Rokuko! I’m gonna mess you up with my totally rad Iron Golem!” Ichika entered the arena first with her Iron Golem. It wielded a bow, making it a deadly combination of strong defense and long range attacks.

“Hmph, I’ll show you who’s the boss of this dungeon!” Next entered Rokuko with a Haniwa Golem. It was a Clay Golem, wrapped in stone armor, riding a Horse Golem, and wielding an iron Golem Blade. What made it a real crowd-pleaser was the blank expression on its face. Also, it was the first Dungeon Boss I made, the one that never ended up seeing any action. The current Dungeon Boss was an Iron Haniwa Golem made with this one as a base.

“H-Hold on, this totally isn’t fair! It’s two versus one! Ref, reeeeef!”

“Didn’t I tell you? I’m the boss of this dungeon!”

It was a brutal, one-way fight. They were on totally different levels, mainly because Rokuko was basically cheating. A normal monster had no chance of beating a former Dungeon Boss. It had the combined speed of a Horse Golem and the attack power of a Haniwa Golem. Ichika? Winning? Not a chance. Hahahaha!

The Haniwa Golem swung its naginata and sliced off the Iron Golem’s head like it was nothing.

“Ngh! I didn’t lose to the Golem fight... I lost to authority...!”

“All that matters is winning! And I won!” Yeaaah, Rokuko’s definitely taking the lead here. Thanks entirely to her Golem.

With the brutal execution over, it was time for Round Three with Kinue and Rei.

“Ahaha. If I win, I’ll make you let me clean every corner of your room, Rei.” Kinue’s Golem was a four-armed Stone Golem. However, it didn’t wield swords and shields. It had a broom, dustpan, duster, and mop. The legendary Cleaning Golem.

“Forgive my rudeness, but... Kinue. Those are not weapons. They are cleaning tools.” On the other hand, Rei’s Golem was an Archer Golem with four legs for stability. It was also made out of stone. This would be a better showdown between four arms and four legs.

“Here I come!” Rei’s Archer Golem struck first. It used its four legs to dodge from side to side while shooting out a storm of arrows onto the Cleaning Golem.

“I will show you the power of cleaning.” But all those arrows were knocked away by the dustpan. Not only that, but they were put into a trash can on the Golem’s back with the mop and duster.

“What in the world?! I underestimated you, Kinue.”

“Ahaha. I will use this Cleaning Golem to clean the entire inn, no, the entire dungeon!” Oh man, Kinue’s letting her ulterior motives shine! Her greatest ambitions!

“Unfortunately, you won’t be able to use the Cleaning Golem within the inn due the presence of our visitors.”

“What?!”

Rei’s sharp observation threw Kinue off hard enough that she briefly froze. Not missing that opening, Rei’s Archer Golem launched an arrow directly through the Cleaning Golem’s head. Oh yeah. Rei has zero attack power, but that doesn’t apply to Golems she controls. Makes sense. She’s just ordering the Golem to attack, after all.

“The head has been destroyed! This round’s winner is Rei!”

“...Very well, I will clean the inn on my own.”

“Isn’t that just what you always do?”

It was a pretty good fight. And with it, the first wave of rounds was complete. Neruneh was the only one who used leader mode. Everyone else used possess mode. Uh... And they were pretty good, too. I’m starting to get a little worried about my chances of winning. But don’t worry. I’m the protagonist here. I make all the Golems. Naturally, I know more about Golems than anyone else. And I can control them better than anyone else too!

Round Four began, pitting me against Niku.

“Master or not, I cannot let myself lose.” Niku was using the same Swordsman Golem as before. In contrast, I was using...

“Bwahaha! I’ll show you who the TRUE boss of this dungeon is!” Thump, thump. A horse-riding Golem entered the arena with each footstep resulting in a resounding thump.

Indeed. I was using the Iron Haniwa Golem. Our one and only Dungeon Boss, the unmistakably strongest monster in our entire dungeon.

“Keima?! Um, I’m pretty sure that’s not fair at all!”

“Don’t worry. Its head is made of clay, fair and square... Though it is hidden behind a full-faced iron helmet!”

Of course, I was the referee, so we were playing by my rules. Now you know why I didn’t say anything about Rokuko’s haniwa.

“I don’t mind. Let’s start.”

“I’m definitely gonna win! I can use Golems better than anyone else!” I struck first. The all-iron Horse Golem charged forward and the Haniwa swung its naginata. Naturally, the naginata was a Golem Blade. And to make things better, there were actually three arms buried within each of its main arms, giving it three times the power of a normal Golem. Indeed. Iron Golems are superior to Stone Golems, and this strike was launched with three times the power of an average Iron Golem. It would shatter a mere Stone Golem in an instant!

But Niku’s Swordsman Golem easily avoided the swing with a deft jump.

“Hmph! Little tricks won’t get you anywhere!” I used the Golem’s triple arm power to change the angle of the swing. Even a glancing blow would be equivalent to getting hit with an iron mace head on!

“I’m sorry, Master, but you’re full of openings.” Niku murmured to herself. Her Swordsman Golem caught the naginata with its feet. It expertly killed its momentum to minimize damage while landing solidly on the blade. Immediately, it started rushing down the naginata straight towards my Iron Haniwa Golem’s face.

“Wh-What?! You used my attack as a stepping stool?!”

“It’s over.” Her Swordsman Golem dug its Golem Blade beneath my Golem’s helmet and thrust upwards, destroying its clay head. My Iron Haniwa Golem stopped moving.

“...Crap! The head has been destroyed...! The winner is... Niku Kuroinu!”

“I did it.”

I can’t believe this. I went out of my way to use the Dungeon Boss and I still lost...?

“Master. Please repair the legs and feet of my Golem. I have a long way to go if I’m still letting them get cracked.”

“Right, sure.” I used {Create Golem} to repair her Swordsman Golem. I guess mechanics can’t be ace pilots, huh...? Damnit.

Regardless of my failure, it was time for the next round. Rokuko vs Rei.

“Ahahaha! I won’t lose, Rei.”

“It is true that your Haniwa Golem is a fearsome foe. But it was just proven in Master and Niku’s fight that the capabilities of one’s Golem are not the sole determiner of victory. Isn’t that right?” Stop! Don’t dig into my wound! Don’t rub salt onto iiiit!

“That doesn’t matter at all. Listen, Rei, you can never beat me. Why? Because I’m a Dungeon Core and you’re a monster!”

“Where are you going with this...?”

“Rei! This is an order! Lose to me!”

“Wh-What the?! I-I’ve lost!” Rei bowed to the ground and forfeited.

“Ah. Rokuko, you lose. No breaking the rules.”

“Eh?! Why do I lose? Rei just forfeited.”

“Rule Number 2. No directly attacking the other player. Your ‘order’ was basically a direct attack. Therefore, you’re disqualified. You can raise your head, Rei. You’ve won this round.”

“Eh? Whaaat?”

“A-Ah... Wh-What have I done...?! I snatched away my own victory...!” Rei looked like she didn’t really understand what was going on. Rokuko, on the other hand, was throwing a tantrum and pounding the ground with her fists. And she probably woulda won if she just fought fairly, too.

Next was the final round, but we had a brief breather beforehand. We were all tired and I wanted them to fight in their strongest condition. But man, I really didn’t expect these two to get this far...

“I totally knew Niku would get this far, but like, Rei? Wowzers, talk about a surprise. Too bad Rokuko basically shot herself in the foot.”

“Huh? You expected Niku to do well?”

“Totes, dude. Niku spends a hella long time practicing with Golems after we spar and stuff. Didja know that that Horse Golems can fly? She figured it out.”

“...Can’t say I remember giving them wings.”

“They kinda, like, launch themselves. Niku, would you mind showing him?”

“Oh, okay. Rokuko, may I borrow your Haniwa Golem?” Niku borrowed Rokuko’s Haniwa Golem. It tensed up for a bit, but then boom! The Horse Golem burst forward and flew through the air like a missile. I thought it was going to crash through the coliseum wall, but it actually kicked against it to spin around before trotting back to us.

...Seriously? I had no idea Horse Golems could launch themselves like that. I did make them such that one could use internal gears to speed them up at the cost of horsepower (heh), but uh, what? How’d you do that, Niku?

“You just need to push all of its body weight forward and move all its joints simultaneously at their maximum power. The acceleration can be improved by having the rider kick at the same time, which gives us the speed you saw. Rokuko has practiced this move too.” I looked at Rokuko and she nodded. Seriously?

“Isn’t it ideal for a boss to have special moves like this?” Niku tilted her head a little, as if she were stating the obvious. When did these three get so strong...? Oh, right. When I was sleeping. I guess it was just cocky for me to think I was the best at using Golems when they spent more time practicing than me.

With that lesson learned, it was time for the final battle to begin. Niku’s definitely gonna win this. She even beat me, after all. And what was even with that Horse Missile attack? I’ve gotta make more Horse Golems.

“Alright! The final battle will now begin! Fighters, take your positions!”

Niku had her Swordsman Golem. Rei had her Archer Golem. The dual-wielding swordsman faced the archer.

“Do your beeest, Rei! Show them what we monster girls can dooo!”

“I’ll clean your room for free if you wiiin!”

“Niku! We’ve been using Golems for longer than them! Don’t lose!”

“Niku, I, like, totally believe in yooou!”

Cries of support rained down from the audience. Waaait a second... I just realized. Who’s taking care of the inn right now? What? You put a Golem behind the front desk, so everything’s okay? Uh. Is that really gonna be okay?

“Rei. You did well getting this far, but it all ends here. I will win.”

“Niku. You’ll regret looking down on me!” And so, the battle began.

The Archer Golem shot an arrow while running horizontally. Its aim was perfect thanks to a steady bow, but the Swordsman Golem easily knocked aside each arrow with its Golem Blades. I said “each” arrow because the Archer Golem had in fact shot two arrows, the second one having been launched stealthily from a blind spot.

“I’m not surprised you caught my trick, Niku. Though I had spent much time perfecting that move.”

“It was obvious from the movements of its hands. I recommend adding a hidden arm in the future for that kind of thing.” If her Golem’s just gonna shoot arrows, I don’t see the problem with using crossbows instead...

My thoughts were interrupted by the Swordsman Golem rushing down the Archer Golem.

“HYAH!”

“Kyaaah!”

Her Golem’s swords flashed through the air. She was swinging both of its Golem Blades one after the other, pausing not even for a moment. Its movements were so smooth and fluid it was hard to believe it was just a Golem. Rei was no slouch, either. She bent the upper body of her Golem backwards using the stability of its four legs and fled by running along the walls. Neither Golem had taken a solid hit yet.

“...Is running on the walls like that normal?”

“Totally standard stuff in Golem Fighters. ’Cause, like, fights in dungeons are almost always in corridors ’n stuff. Can you imagine fighting in a dungeon corridor and NOT running along the walls or ceiling? Nah.” Seriously? No wonder I lost.

“You’re pretty good, Rei.”

“Thank you! If I’m skilled enough to receive your praise, Niku, I see that my time spent training was not wasted!”

One Golem ran away while fighting with arrows, the other charged forward while cutting arrows out of the sky. It was a stalemate... until a turning point came.

“Ngh!”

“What’s wrong, Rei? Have you already run out of arrows?” Niku sounded like she already knew the answer to that question.

“...Out of arrows, huh? Why’s Niku so sure that’s what happened?”

“Well, obviously ’cause she was counting. Rei’s got four quivers, and each one can hold twenty-five arrows. You’ve gotta be careful about running out of arrows when using Archer Golems, so like, obviously we’re all super used to counting arrows. Nothing different between that and counting your enemy’s arrows, yo.”

“Seriously? I think you guys play this game a little too much.”

Archer Golems could carry a limited number of arrows. Even with multiple quivers, they maxed out at about 100 arrows. If we assume she held her first two arrows since before the match began, that’s 102 arrows. Niku counted how many arrows Rei’s Golem shot and thus knew with confidence—her quivers were now empty.

“I won’t let you escape.” Her Swordsman Golem charged forward to exploit the opportunity. And yet...

“Same to you!”

The Archer Golem launched an arrow. An impossible 103rd arrow that shouldn’t have existed. Rei’s lips reflexively curved into a grin, proud of having caught her opponent completely off guard. But the Swordsman Golem easily knocked that arrow aside as well.

“Didn’t I tell you? Your movements lack any subtlety. I saw you pick that arrow up.”

Rei had picked up a single arrow she already shot while running around. She hadn’t picked up more than one to hide what she was doing, but nonetheless, Niku noticed. Not even the stealthiest movements in the world could fool Niku’s sixth sense.

Her Swordsman Golem threw the Golem Blade in its right hand at the Archer Golem, which was slow to dodge due to having just shot an arrow. The blade tore through its leg and locked it to the ground. It could flee no longer.

“...It is my loss. Well done, Niku.”

“I’m looking forward to our next battle, Rei.”

And then, she gripped the Golem Blade on her Golem’s back with both hands and swung it down with all her might.

“The head has been destroyed! This round’s winner is Niku!”

“I did it.”

The Archer Golem’s head and even body was split in half. Uh... You know I’m the one who has to fix these things, right? It’s pretty easy, so whatever, but still.

“Congratulations, Niku. You did well.”

“Yes... nmm!” Her tail wagged hard as I rubbed her head. Seriously though, I really didn’t expect everyone was taking their Golem training so seriously. Maybe I should just become a dedicated mechanic?

“Sheesh, I knew Niku would win... So, what are you going to ask for, Niku?”

“Now that you mention it, I do remember Niku mentioning that she had already decided on what she wants.”

“Yuppers, she totally did. So? Give us the scoop, sister.”

“Umm...” Niku glanced at me. What? You want some hamburgers? Alright, I’ll buy as many as you want!

＊ ＊ ＊

“...Hey, Niku?”

“What is it, Master?” Niku clung to me.

“Er, I mean... Isn’t this what we always do?” Niku and I were lying in bed together, just like always.

“No. Today you are my dakimakura, Master.” Niku’s request had been simple. Master, please be my dakimakura for one day. That was it.

Well, I am glad that she asked for this instead of something crazy, but still. For some reason, I really feel like this is the same thing that we always do.

“Nmmnfuuu...” Niku buried her face in my shirt and rubbed it against me. Mmm... Yeah, there’s nothing different about this. Wait, maybe Niku’s moving more than she usually does? It’s kind of ticklish.

“Are you really okay with this?”

“Yes, I am okay with it. Very okay with it.” She smiled a little. For someone as expressionless as Niku, that was pretty much a full-faced grin.

...Well, alright. If she insists.

As an aside, everyone else decided to hold a second Golem Fighters tournament later. They were forcing me to participate, too. I swore to myself that I would practice controlling Golems more. I’ll prepare some insta-kill gimmicks and crush everyone else before they realize what’s going on!