Bonus Short Stories

Keima Gets to Work

Niku collapsed out of exhaustion, and as her employer, that was my responsibility. Which in turn meant that I had to do something to fill the hole left by her absence.

...I put on my apron and went to the cafeteria.

A customer came in as soon as meal time began. It was a solo adventurer.

“Huh? That little beastkin ain’t working today?”

“Nope, she’s taking today off. Disappointed to see me instead?”

“Fuck yeah I am. Gimme my money back.”

The adventurer bad-mouthed me, but he was a regular. We both knew he was joking.

“Not a chance. You paid money for the food, not for the service, and that’s what you’re getting. Don’t like it, go somewhere else.”

“Hey man, you know this is the only place to get grub around here. Well, whatever. Gimme a D-Rank.” The regular grinned as he took his seat. I checked his meal ticket and bought the D-Rank meal with DP.

“Alright, one D-Rank. Hey, Golem, take this to table three.”

“How lazy can you be?!” What’s wrong with giving Clay Golems work? That’s the kind of inn this place is. Says me.

“And I was looking forward to that little cutie walking around in her fluffy outfit, too.”

“Sorry to subject you to a guy in an apron.”

“At least wear the same outfit she does, Keima. You’ve both got black hair, maybe I’d accidentally enjoy myself.”

“You insane? Do you seriously want to see me in a maid outfit?”

“That was obviously a joke, idiot.” I laughed in response and soon after more customers came in, this time a group of three male adventurers. Adventuring was some hard manual labor, so there was no helping men dominating the work force.

“Oh, the usual girl isn’t here?”

“Whaaa? It’s just Keima? What a bummer.”

“Y’know, I get the feeling he’s gonna make our food taste a lot worse.”

The three of them handed over their tickets and sat down despite their complaining.

“Hey, feel free to leave. I’ll even refund your tickets.” They each shook their heads.

“Not a chance. I want a purin.”

“I can’t do anything without my daily purin.”

“I’ll suck it up, so gimme my purin.”

They all chanted purin, purin, purin! while pounding the table with their fists. They sure liked purins.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll go get some. Hold your horses.” I summoned the D-Rank meals and made a Golem carry them again. Didn’t forget the purins, either.

The next customer was another regular, this time a girl named Roppe. She was a heavy drinker and had a dwarf partner, but she herself was a human female. That was pretty rare around these parts.

“Oh? You’re serving today, Keima? That explains the lack of love in the air.”

“Love, huh? How about you sign up as a part-timer here and fill the air with love yourself? I’ll lend you a maid outfit.

“You think that kinda thing would fit a crude girl like me?”

“Oh, buying a C-Rank meal today? Thanks again and please enjoy.” I didn’t know what to say, so I ignored her. I summoned a C-Rank meal and made a Golem carry it.

“Haaah. This’ll definitely taste worse since Keima carried it.”

“Huh? I handed it right over to the Golem, he did all the carrying. The hell are you talking about?”

“Aaaah! I can’t hear yooou!”

“You’re the one complaining, not me. Oh, looks like more customers are here.”

Yeah, there’s a lot more people staying here than I thought there would be. Since this is a dungeon aimed at beginners, there’s a sizable amount of adventurers who stay here day after day without ever leaving. Simply hunting Goblins and bringing back items to sell was enough to cover their room and board.

Guh, more costumers. Hey! Put all your dirty plates by the return window once you finish eating!

“Uhhhh, an E-Rank for you, alright. I’ll bring it over in just a sec.”

“Hey! Bring out the little girl! You’re just gonna make my food taste like crap!”

“I’m giving her today off cause she collapsed from overwork. No way am I gonna make her keep working after that.”

“Say that sooner, man. I’ll back off... Wait, c’mon! I know she’s a slave, but don’t make a little girl work so hard she collapses!” He was snapping at me, but I knew he was just worried about Niku.

“Shut it, I’m already regretting it! Aaaah, sheesh. I wish she would just tell me if she needed a break!”

“She just wants to look good in front of you! Are you seriously too dense to notice that?!”

“Are you trying to complain or are you trying to make my employees look good?”

“I’m obviously just trying to help her out, idiot! Don’t make me say that! It’s embarrassing!”

The heck is going on here? These people really love Niku.

Despite some new people coming in and a little trouble here and there, I managed to do my job. For example...

“I heard the food here tastes good. Here, cook this for me.”

“...Nah. Our chef doesn’t cook with food customers bring in.”

“Hey, why not? They’ve just gotta cook it a little and throw some salt on it.” A customer who had brought in food complained when we wouldn’t cook it for him, but...

“C’mon man, the usual waitress is sick in bed today. Don’t get in their way too much.”

“Yeah. And well, it’s how this inn rolls. Just accept it.”

The regulars took care of him for me.That’s a relief. Thanks, guys. But I guess other inns let you bring in uncooked food and stuff, huh? I really need to get an actual chef in here.

In the end, with Rokuko’s help, I managed to finish a day of work. A lot of my success had to do with how loved Niku was. My mind would have snapped if I had to deal with regular customers all day. I just wasn’t built for customer service. My place was in the back, out of sight. Niku, please get better soon...!

A Tale of Magic and an Apprentice Witch

Neruneh, the Apprentice Witch. She was among the newest additions to our dungeon’s elite. Apprentice Witches were monsters, but apparently they were originally human mages that embedded magic stones into their bodies in search of more power. One thing led to another and they transitioned into monsters born with magic stones within them from the start, though they otherwise remained very similar to normal humans. That was especially true for Neruneh who, thanks to being born from DP, was exactly like a normal human save for the existence of a magic stone within her.

“Mmm... So, basically?”

“I’m just like a normal human, so it takes a looot of work for me to learn magic without skill scrolls! So, Master! Pleaaase teach me maaagic!” And so, I decided to try teaching her a little magic. I didn’t have any problem giving her skill scrolls, but it wasn’t an emergency, and there was no harm in saving DP where I could. Not to mention that I wanted to see how long it would take for someone to learn a magic skill when being taught directly. There were lots of reasons to teach her.

“By the way, Master, what element are you best wiiith?”

“I dunno if I’d say I’m best with it, but probably Earth. {Create Golem}’s ridiculously useful.” By the way, as someone from another world, I had the practically unfair skill of understanding other languages... Hey, those Heroes get an extra cheat skill for becoming Soldiers of God, not to mention actual equipment.

But anyway, my comprehension of languages let me read and converse without any issues (though all of my writing remained Japanese). This had the side effect of me hearing the magic chants spoken in Magic Language as normal Japanese. On top of that, the Japanese I spoke was translated directly into that Magic Language. That led to me being able to modify the incantations at will, turning a magic skill that could normally just create Clay Golems into a powerhouse that could make Iron Golems, Stone Wall Golems, Wood Inn Golems, and so on.

“Your magic is so amaziiing, Masteeer! What other skills do you knooow?”

“...O Fire, become five spheres—{Fireball}.” After I finished chanting, five fireballs the size of baseballs appeared above my hand.

“Ummm, was that really {Fireball}?”

“Yep. All I had to do was change the incantation a little.”

“You normally can’t change Magic Language incantations like thaaat...” By the way, {Fireball}’s proper incantation was “O Fire, become a sphere and smite my enemy”. Yep... Wait, what? That’s completely different? Meh. It works, that’s good enough for me. The five spheres above my hand disappeared.

“Your visualization of the spell matters a lot more than the incantation anyway.”

“Visualizatiooon?”

“Yeah, ’cause I mean, you don’t even need incantations to cast spells. {Light}.” I pictured five balls of light in my head, and five balls of light appeared above my hand. The only thing was it took a lot more mana. Though it was still minor enough that a hundred meter’s walk would be about as tiring.

“Wooow! You really are amazing, Master.”

“It’s just like sliding blocks around in a puzzle. Too bad I can’t explain how to do this to anyone else.” It really is too bad. If others could do this, I’d have a lot less work to do and the dungeon would be a lot more powerful.

“But it’s just fine! If you work hard enough, Master, you’ll be able to dissect the Magic Language and write explanations for it, just like a great Hero of the past managed to!” A Hero managed to do that, huh?

“By the way, the notes left by that Hero are recorded in the language of another world! Recent research suggests that it’s written in all sorts of languages to help code its contents! A lot of people think those are probably languages from where he used to live, but no other Hero has been able to recognize them, or something!”

“Wow... Wait, where’d you hear about that?”

“Wataru told me while I was working at the front deeesk! He knows a lot about what’s going on in the Imperial Capital and stuff!”

“W-Wow.” Wataru? That’s the Hero that dropped by here earlier. He may be Haku’s pawn, but he’s still our enemy, y’know?

“I knooow, but he’s a Hero! He promised to show me some of his magic later...! The magic of a Hero... eheheh, I can’t waaait!” Oh, figures. She’s just after his magic. I guess that technically counts as reconnaissance?

“It’s every Apprentice Witches’ dream to learn lots of magic and one day become a full Witch! I’ll do anything I can to make that happeeen!” Uh... Don’t betray me for his magic, alright? Though I guess I don’t need to worry about that. Monsters can’t betray their dungeon.

“You know, I do pay you guys in DP, so just tell me if you want a specific scroll or something.”

“Yaaay! I can’t wait to get paid!”

Anyway, I went ahead and showed her all sorts of magic. She got so happy each time I modified an incantation I accidentally went overboard and, for the first time in a long time, got hit with some pretty intense mana deficiency. I had a long nap to sleep it off, but nobody else has to hear about that.

The Invincible Vampire (0 Attack Power)

The Vampire Rei was no normal Vampire. She was a custom Vampire, born entirely from DP!

“So basically, Rei, I customized you in all sorts of ways. The main thing I did was remove all your Vampire weak points that would’ve made you worse than a normal human.”

“Indeed.”

No damage from sunlight, no hunger for blood, no weakness to running water, no sensitivity to silver, etc. She could walk under the sun and never went on a blood-seeking rampage. She could swim in any river and eat with silver cutlery. She could even enter others’ homes without being invited. Oh, the one weak point I left in was the whole die if a stake goes through their heart thing, but I mean, that would kill anyone.

“That’s all well and good, but it came at a price. You can’t use any of the special abilities that generally make Vampires superior to humans, either.”

“...Indeed.”

Transforming into bats, wielding inhuman strength, flying through the air, sucking blood, making apostles, controlling ghouls, turning into mist, and so on. She couldn’t do any of that. I had sealed them all and even set her attack power parameter to zero in order to dramatically cheapen the cost of a vampire with no weak points.

“To sum all that up: You’re basically just a normal human being.”

“Um, well. With zero attack power, I can’t even beat a Goblin, much less a normal human.” By the way, getting slapped hard by Rei was quite a weird experience where you felt the force of her blow but for some reason felt no pain whatsoever. Tools didn’t change anything, either. Getting hit by a sword she swung felt kinda like getting hit lightly with a stick. Even the fastest arrow she could shoot from a bow would land with a weak thump. It didn’t pierce anything, nor did it hurt. No matter how hard she tried, she could never land an attack that caused any pain or lasting damage.

“You couldn’t kill a bug even if you wanted to. What a kind, gentle girl you are.”

“I do want to kill bugs, though... I want to kill mosquitoes, adventurers, all sorts of things.”

“You want to kill mosquitoes and adventurers an equal amount, huh? That basically means you consider mosquitoes to be on the same level as humans. I guess Vampires really do feel attached to fellow blood suckers.”

“That’s not true! Rather, I was suggesting that humans are no better to bugs! Please!” Also, Rei had no need to suck blood, and even if she tried to dig her fangs in your neck, it would feel as if she was just giving a gentle love bite. I wanted to say that made her weaker than even a mosquito, but I got the feeling that would actually make her cry, so I didn’t.

“...By the way, do you ever get the urge to drink blood, just because you’re a vampire? I’m pretty sure I turned on the ‘no urge to suck blood’ option, but you never know.”

“Hm, well, I do not have to drink blood. But if you theoretically didn’t have to sleep, Master, would you stop sleeping?”

“Ah, no way. I’d sleep. Definitely, for sure.” Not needing to do something was very different from not wanting to do something. It was like how even the biggest cake lover in the world could survive eating nothing but bread. It all had to do with luxury.

“Normal humans can’t consume blood and produce nutrients from it. Ahaha, I suppose that’s one thing that makes me superior to them... Though that’s actually the only thing. Yes.” Rei gave a self-defeating smile. Yeah, I should try cheering her up.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Having an attack power of zero is useful in lots of ways.”

“Such as?”

“Nothing you do can hurt others. That’s a skill unique to you. It doesn’t have to be a flaw. You can leave the damage dealing to others and focus on the things you’re good at doing.”

“Leave the damage dealing to others... I see. Ah, yes, I do see! Understood, Master! You can count on me!” Rei bowed respectfully, looking like she had hit upon the greatest revelation of her life.

Afterwards, we discovered that Rei could damage others by controlling Golems and acting through them. That made sense, given that it was actually the Golem doing the attacking. The key there being that she was merely ordering it to attack, rather than doing the attacking herself. Physically pulling the trigger of a crossbow and personally activating the machinery resulted in no damage, but ordering the Golem to do the same did result in damage. They seemed to be the exact same thing on the surface, but there were subtle differences between the two.

“It’s pretty useful that, if need be, you can launch harmless arrows that’ll intimidate but not harm someone.”

“Yes! I am stunned by your wisdom, Master!”

“Yep. Now, let’s see if I can think of any other ways to exploit your zero attack power.”

“Understood! I’ll follow you anywhere, Master!”

＊ ＊ ＊

“Oooh, that feels good. Aaah, yeah, that’s the spot. This is great.”

I taught Rei how to give a massage. Specifically, a foot massage where she took a stick with a rounded end and used it to push against pressure points.

“I-I am just glad to be useful.”

“Oh, try like, poking the stick kinda hard.”

“Haaah... Hyah!” Ooooh, it doesn’t hurt at all. But it feels so good. What the heck is this? Seriously, what the heck is this? Normally this massage feels good in a painful way, but when Rei does it, the only thing that’s left is the feeling good. This is a lot better than I thought it’d be.

“Wheeew... This is quite the discovery. Never felt anything like this before, and you’re the only one who can do this, Rei.”

“I would prefer to be more useful on the front lines, if possible, but... This is fine in its own way.” Rei seemed fairly pleased over being praised.

The House Fairy and the Blacksmith’s Kitchen Knife

“A knife, you say?”

“Yeah, remember that smithery that got built? The blacksmith there promised to make a knife just for you.” Our house fairy Silky, Kinue. Her truest love was cleaning and she was an expert in every chore imaginable. She was such a purebred house helper that she was born (with DP) wearing a maid outfit. Of course, she was an expert cook as well, and I planned on making her the head chef of our Dancing Doll Inn. It was pretty suspicious that we couldn’t cook any of the raw ingredients people brought in, and some people were requesting meals we couldn’t buy with DP.

“The Golem Knife you created for me has functioned so far without any issues whatsoever, Master.”

“I want a proper knife for you, though. I’m an amateur when it comes to making knives. Also, I wanna see what a real blacksmith knife looks like.” Kinue couldn’t refuse after her master, Keima, put his foot down like that. Deep down she wanted to use the knife her master had hand made for her, but in some ways, the blacksmith’s knife could be considered a gift from him to her.

“Understood. If you insist, Master.” She lifted up the skirt of her light green maid outfit and gave a deep, polite bow. The bow was known as a curtsy, and the fact she could perform it so smoothly reflected how she was a maid down to the core of her being.

Since the promise involved getting the knife made soon, Kinue immediately left to visit the smithery.

＊ ＊ ＊

“Oooh, ye must be Kinue. Welcome, welcome.” Kantara the dwarf had been waiting in the smithery while working.

“Good day, Kantara. My Master has informed me that you will be making a knife for me today.”

“Yep, Keima sure asked me to. Looks like it’s me lucky day, it’s not always I get to make a knife for a pretty girl.”

“Oh my, I’m flattered.” Kinue giggled while covering her mouth with a hand.

“So, do ye have the knife yer using now? It’d make things a lot easier for me to see what yer used to.”

“Yes. I brought it with me just in case you asked.” Kinue took out a trunk from beneath her skirt. She popped it open and within it was a set of five knives of varying sizes held in place by a belt. An all purpose knife, a vegetable knife, a small knife, a thin knife, and a bread knife. Keima had made each of them with {Create Golem} while thinking back to knives he had seen in Japan.

“...Which o’ these do ye use?”

“Beg your pardon?” Kinue tilted her head. “Which of these do you use” was an impossible question for her to answer, as she used each when they were necessary. Keima knew that was how it worked, and so too did she.

“Huh, so yer using each for different things... First-rate chefs really are in a league o’ their own, huh?” Everyone thought that Kinue personally cooked each of the inn’s meals. In other words, from an outside perspective, Kinue had gifted every visitor of the inn with delicious food already, and was a first-rate chef capable of providing good quality to satisfy someone rich enough to afford the grand suite. Kinue felt uncomfortable about that, given that all the true glory belonged to her master, Keima. “Hey, don’t worry. I’m just a li’l surprised cause I thought I’d just be making a single knife.”

“I see. Well, if you only wish to make one knife, I would like to request that you make an all purpose knife, as it’s the one I use the most.”

“No can do, I’m gonna be making all five. I owe a lot to Keima.... Hey, what kinda knife is this? The one with the jagged edges. Looks like it can do some serious damage.”

“That is a bread cutting knife.”

“This is a darn deadly knife for cuttin’ bread... Won’t be easy to recreate this one. Whatever smith made this must have some serious self-confidence. Eh, well, just consider the knife I make to be a spare.”

Kinue tilted her head in confusion again.

“A spare? I was under the impression that I would be using them regularly from now on.”

“I talked big for a second there, but I’m no chef. I dunno how a lot of these knives are really used. Best I can do is ask how sharp you want the knives, yeah? I’m not too confident I could make any knives better than these. Gahaha!” Kantara guffawed to himself. Kinue, feeling her respect for her master grow, re-evaluated her opinion of Kantara, impressed by how he openly admitted it when he saw craftsmanship he couldn’t surpass.

“Well, I’ll just make what I promised to make and you can use’m how you like. Having some spares should help you relax when you’re busy. I wanna talk to whatever smith made this, by the way. Wouldja mind introducing us someday?”

“Certainly, if the opportunity arises.” Kinue decided to relay the message to her master.

A day later the knives were done. Kinue tried comparing them with her existing knives, but as she was not truly a chef, she couldn’t really tell the difference between them. That said, she could tell that the knives were expertly crafted despite how little confidence Kantara had expressed in himself. He was likely quite the skilled blacksmith. Kinue, thinking it would be a waste not to use them, decided to swap the knives around depending on the day.