Chapter 1

Day 28 of Year 2

With our third Dungeon Battle ending in a safe victory, we all returned home to our own dungeon, the [Cave of Greed]. Rokuko seemed the most hesitant to leave, but it had to happen at some point. And as expected, it felt great to be home. I had visited daily while preparing for the Dungeon Battle, but still, my focus had been elsewhere.

It was time to check up on the situation. I summoned Rei, who had been watching over the dungeon while I was gone.

“Okay. Bring me up to speed.”

“Understood, Master.”

I was curious about a lot of things, but the dungeon came first. As usual, D-Rank adventurers and below were using the upper floors as practice while C-Ranks were going in deeper to hunt Iron Golems or pushing themselves in search of a Magic Blade (Golem Blade). Rin had destroyed the puzzle area, but it was still quite the task to descend the spiral staircase beyond and reach the storeroom area. Wait... There are more traps in the spiral staircase now. I see some spears ready to launch out of the walls here and there.

“Oh, an unexpectedly large number of adventurers were making it to the storeroom area, so I strengthened the staircase.”

“Nice. Good call. We don’t want too many people leaving with Golem Blades from there.” Apparently, Rei had increased the number of traps herself. That was some solid thinking. It would go a long way in holding adventurers back. “How many got into the storeroom area?”

“Eight parties. Out of those, one was eliminated on the way back up the staircase, four left after observing the experimental Golems, and three left with Magic Blades. We lost six blades in total, three made of stone and three of iron. No party has advanced beyond the storeroom area.” Everyone in one of the parties died, huh? Rest in peace, and thanks for all the DP. But let’s see here... We’re sending out Golem Blades at a rate of six per month, huh? That’s not bad. I’ll have to remember to replace them later. Since nobody’s made it to the coliseum or Phenny’s floor, I’ll skip hearing her report on those.

Okay. Time to lower the priority a little.

“How’s the inn?” I double-checked after getting back, but the illusion skill Rei had strengthened herself with cost most of the 50,000 DP I had given her. That and the traps had probably used all of it. How had they managed without a new monster to help?

“There have been no developments of note in your absence. Of course, a month’s time isn’t enough for our customer base to change that much.”

“...Uhhh, how’d you manage without hiring help?”

“Oh, but we did. We hired a part-time worker.” Rei responded with a broad, confident smile. They hired... a part-time worker...?

“Uh. Like, you hired someone who wasn’t a servant to our dungeon?”

“Yes. Is there a problem with that?” There’s nothing but problems!

“Not necessarily, I’m just surprised. The part-timer isn’t a... slave or anything, are they?”

“No. They are a normal adventurer. I received permission from Lady Rokuko before hiring them, to be clear.” Seriously...? I gotta have a long talk with Rokuko about this...

“Okay, well. Did you have any problems working with someone not from our dungeon?”

“They’re merely assisting with the inn, and we hired them through the Adventurer’s Guild as a brief part-time job. Nothing problematic has occurred with them over the past weeks.” Then... I guess it’s fine? “If a problem does occur, we can report them to the Guild, or if it involves our secrets, we can simply eliminate them. Neither situation poses us any notable risk.”

“You really thought this through, huh? I’m impressed.” Rei was very valuable to our dungeon thanks to how severe she can be. I was trying my best to be harsh as was necessary, but I couldn’t help but go easy on people sometimes. For example, I gave Rei 50,000 DP to summon help, but in the end she just used it to strengthen herself. Though it would have been much harder for us to win that Dungeon Battle if she hadn’t.

I adjusted my sitting posture. Next.

“How are Kinue and Neruneh?”

“Kinue’s cooking repertoire has grown somewhat. Neruneh is absorbed in her magic circle research as always. She’s still exceedingly excited about that magic tool you brought her.” Kinue had been using her DP and money wages to buy recipes, while Neruneh lived each day to the fullest both when researching and when chatting with Kantara about magic circles. Rei herself seemed to be fairly pleased handling the work I had given her. I like how devoted she is.

“Alright. Thanks for your report. That’s all for now.”

“Yes, sir! Please excuse me, Master.”

I had asked Rei everything I wanted to know from her, so I went to see Rokuko. To ask about the part-timer, that is.

“Hey, Rokuko! We got something to talk about.”

“What could it be, I wonder? Do you want to use the Divine Comforter?”

“Well, yes, but actually, no. It’s about the part-timer.”

“Wait, the one we hired, like, a billion years ago?” It was old news to Rokuko, but I was hearing about the part-timer for the first time today.

“We just hired one normally through the Adventurer’s Guild. Rei suggested it. She’s pretty smart.”

“But our dungeon’s filled to the brim with secrets that’ll get us or them killed if they found out,” I said. Rokuko tilted her head cutely.

“Well, you don’t normally talk to part-timers about important things, and there’s nothing suspicious in the inn itself. Right?”

“You’re forgetting the Golems.”

“The only ones in the inn are the normal... um, standard-type Clay Golems. We’re making it look like they have an actual mana source rather than taking it from the dungeon air, so there’s nothing suspicious about them.”

“What about the food?”

“Kinue’s cooking it all now. We barely buy food with DP now, and although we do buy the ingredients like that, it’s all in storage rooms and {Storage}, so nobody will notice.”

“The onsen...?”

“The part-timer’s just working as a receptionist and waitress. Cleaning’s done through {Purification} if Kinue doesn’t handle it, and we’re passing off the hot water as being produced by a magic tool specializing in that kind of thing. Same for the register at the reception desk.” Wha? Rokuko’s actually talking me down here. I can’t think of a single argument. At this point, I don’t have any problem with the part-timer. I’m even starting to think it might be a genius way to let me focus on the dungeon.

“By the way, the pay’s lower than average, but we offer a hefty bonus if they don’t make mistakes. We need to pay the Guild a little for insurance, but even when combined with the handling fee, the money’s nothing compared to how much we’re earning. So? Still have a problem?”

“...Nope, not at all.” Rokuko... She’s really grown lately, huh. Seriously.

“Though I gotta ask, did you interview them or something?”

“Uh-huh. Rei, Ichika, and I all did. We actually wanted you to join, but you were asleep.” Oh yeah, I remember Rokuko coming back here for something while we were preparing for the Dungeon Battle. She tried to talk to me about it, but... yeah, I was asleep. Can you blame me? I was busy making a whole new dungeon.

“Anyway, you should know who they are, Keima. It’s Gozou’s partner, Roppe.”

“Oh, Roppe? Yeah, I do know her.” Gozou was basically your standard adventurer living here in Goren Town, and Roppe was his partner. Gozou was a dwarf, but Roppe was a human. Word on the street was that Roppe was even more of a drinker than your average dwarf.

“The pay really isn’t that much for a C-Rank adventurer, but she’s doing her job well. Really, she’s been a big help. Speaking of which... Today’s pay day. Would you mind taking care of that, Keima? We could pay through the Guild, but she’s definitely in the bar right now, so.” Rokuko handed me a bag presumably filled with Roppe’s pay.

“Sure, alright. See ya.” I took it and headed to the bar where we assumed Roppe was. Although I was town chief, my role in the inn was that of Rokuko’s secretary. That was something I forgot all the time lately.

＊ ＊ ＊

I went to the bar located beside the Adventurer’s Guild branch office and saw Gozou and Roppe inside, drinking like normal. It’s pretty early in the day, too. They sure like their beer.

“Hey, Roppe. I’ve brought your pay for working at the end of the week.”

“Oh? Heya, town chief. Been a while since I’ve seen ya. They finally beat you awake or something?”

“Yeah, something like that. Here. Count the coins if you want.” I handed over the bag and Roppe held out a quest slip. I just had to sign that I had paid her. Once I finished that, Roppe put the bag into her breast pocket without even looking inside.

“You’re not gonna check them?”

“’Course not, I trust ya. Plus, I mainly just took this job for the free food, so you’ve basically already paid me. Gettin’ paid on top of free food makes this one of the best quests I ever did do. Gotta thank God for it, yeah.”

“Huh. Alright, then.” The words “thank God” reminded me of the Dungeon Core’s “father.” Thanking him, huh? Mmm... Something’s definitely off about that.

Suddenly, Gozou interjected. “Hey, Keima. That God talk reminds me, what’re we gonna do for the Ivory Goddess Festival? This town ain’t got a church, but we’re still gonna do it, right?”

“Ivory Goddess Festival? What’s that?” I asked, causing Gozou to tilt his head in confusion.

“Whoa, now, don’t tell me ye don’t know about the Ivory Goddess Festival. Keima, ain’t you a citizen of this here empire?”

“Uhhhhh... Yeah, well, screw you too. I don’t know about it. What kind of festival is it?”

“You gotta be messin’ with me, man. What kinda adventurer doesn’t know about the festival...” Gozou was looking at me with a comically exaggerated look of shock.

“Alright, alright, I get it already. I’m a dumbass. Just tell me what it is.”

“Y’see, the Ivory Goddess Festival is...” And so, Gozou told me about the Ivory Goddess Festival. Apparently it was a festival celebrating the goddess of adventurers, the Ivory Goddess, that was taken quite seriously in the Empire. The day before, the day of, and the day after were spent celebrating from dawn to dusk... or actually, non-stop for the entirety of the three days without any sleeping. What inspired such intense celebration? Well, the festival was celebrating the founder of the Empire itself, Haku Laverio the Ivory Goddess.

...As an aside, around this time last year I was having a scuffle with Ittetsu. I really had no idea this festival existed. Hold on, Haku gets a whole festival for herself? I knew she was called the Ivory Goddess, but this is the first time I’m hearing that she’s considered the goddess of adventurers.

“Yer saying yer not a member of the Ivory Church, Keima? Color me surprised. Ye’ve met the divine Ivory Goddess herself, haven’t ye? I ’member her comin’ to town.”

“Yeah, I mean, she’s a regular here.”

“And yer still not in the Ivory Church...? I was thinkin’ ye were the top adventurer in this dungeon ’cause ye had the Ivory Goddess’s protection.”

“Sorry, but I’m a Beddhist.”

“Beddhist?” Gozou twisted his thick dwarf neck in my direction. “Never heard of it. What kinda church is that?”

“You know the futons you can find in the dungeon, right? That’s bedding. Thus, Beddhism. It’s a religion that worships peace and rest. Though I’m the only believer right now.”

“So that’s what’s with those futon things! Which means this Beddhism stuff is special to this dungeon, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Gozou stroked his beard and chugged from his mug.

Anyway, I had to do something about the Ivory Goddess Festival. It was well-known enough that holding a festival here was necessary, and really, I knew people would go berserk if I didn’t. This was the Laverio Empire, after all. The people here expected to spend three full days partying.

“I’ll leave the Ivory Goddess Festival prep to you and vice chief Wozma. Good luck.” I was just a chief for show and I wasn’t even a member of the Ivory Church. It would be better for everyone if I left the festival prep to people who knew what they were doing.

“Hrm, me and Wozma, huh...? Alright. I’m good, ’slong as there’s beer and food. Lemme borrow Kinue for the festival, yeah?”

“I’ll ask Rokuko.” Okay, that’s settled... Wait. They’ll need money for food and stuff. “Right, I’ll just go ahead and cover the expenses. Will ten coins be enough?”

“Yeah, prolly? If it ain’t, I’ll just get Dyne to cover a bit.” I stuck a hand in my pocket and stealthily withdrew ten coins from my magical Space-Time {Wallet}. This should be enough.

“Okay, do what you can with it.”

“Yeah, you go— Bwooh! Cough, cough! My God that’s too much! Ye should know I was talkin’ about silvers, a single gold’s more’n enough! Not a chance I’m takin’ all this!” Oh, really?

“Okay, just one then. Tell me if it’s not enough.”

“I’m tellin’ ye, even that’s too much... Gah. Fine. We’ll go a bit fancy and say it’s yer treat.” Gozou took another chug. Aaanyway... Just to be safe, I’ll tell Wozma about this. Don’t wanna put all my eggs in a single drunken basket.

“HEEEY! I’m leaving all the Ivory Goddess Festival stuff to you and Gozou, alright?” I shouted from the table. Wozma nodded from behind the counter while making a cocktail. Perfect.

“Goodness, Keima’s handling money like a rich man now. Almost like he’s a Hero or somethin’,” said Roppe, making a cold sweat run down my back. But I couldn’t help it. There was just too much about the world I didn’t understand. I still knew how to respect money!

“Nothing wrong with going overboard for a festival like this, right?”

“Ye right. Man, now yer one town chief worth workin’ under.”

“A figurehead’s gotta shine for his people,” I said, emphasizing the “I am a figurehead” subtext. Gozou snorted.

“Heh. Statements like that are why yer our leader.”

“Pfff. Whatever. I’m outta here.” Having given Roppe her pay and Gozou funds for the festival, I chose to go back to my room and sleep.

＊ ＊ ＊

But first, I asked Ichika about the Ivory Church. Teach me, Ichika! Your reward will be curry rolls!

“And that’s how I ended up approving the Ivory Goddess Festival, but I don’t know too much about the Ivory Church. Would you mind telling me?”

“Wha? Yo, my dude, it’s been so long you’ve asked me about something obvious like this. I totes forgot that you have zero life experience here. Okay, so first of all, the Ivory Church is a big ol’ religion. Duh. They have a God, you pray to God, you get benefits. Super simple stuff.”

“Yeah, I mean, I figured it was a religion.”

“So like, the Ivory Church worships the Ivory Goddess. That’s Haku. Their main creed is ‘If you want something, fight for it.’ Since Haku’s the Grandmaster of the Adventurer’s Guild and an adventurer herself, lots of people call her the goddess of adventurers. It, like, totally wouldn’t be overkill to say that basically every adventurer is a part of the Ivory Church. It’s gotta be like, eighty percent, easy.” Makes sense. That does sound like what I’d expect from a religion about Haku.

“Does that include you, Ichika?”

“Nopers. I was a C-Ranker before all this slave jazz, but I’m all about worshiping Ishidaka the God of Food. Most chefs belong to the Food Church and they’ll give you some free food if you tell ’em you do too. Bonus!” That sounds like having a coupon. “Well, it’s kinda an official thing, but really it’s just bros being bros. You know how you sometimes give out free purins? It’s basically like that, dude.”

“I see. It’s like giving extra food to a regular.”

“To be real, I was always max worried about whether I should be in the Ivory Church, the Food Church, or the Dice Church... It’s hard, man.”

“You couldn’t be a member of all three at once?”

“Huh? Worshiping lesser gods of the same church is one thing, but you always gotta pick just one God to worship as a main gig kinda thing. Though, like, people say Ishidaka works for Haku, so there’s this “Ivory Food Church” faction that’s all buddy-buddy with the Ivory Church. ’Specially since the Ivory Church is doing so well.”

“Makes sense. By the way... Isn’t it a little weird to worship a real, living person?”

“Uh, dude? All gods are real people. Well I mean, Ishidaka died a long time ago, but they left behind all sorts of recipes and disciples, so yeah. There’s plenty of reason to worship them.” Oh, I see. Gods are real in this world. It’s not “Do you believe in God?” here. It’s “There are gods all over the place, which do you want to worship and benefit from?” And those benefits were as useful as they were immediate. It wasn’t just metaphorical benefits earned through decades of meditation. I could see why religion was so common in this world. It made sense to worship a god that offered actual, valuable rewards, like a tripcode user on a certain imageboard dumping quality art... But wait.

“That, uh, Dice Church you mentioned. Does it have any benefits?”

“...People good at gambling are usually members of the Dice Church!” Isn’t that just pretending bad gamblers don’t exist? I can’t really say that’s an actual benefit.

“So, what kind of god is... the God of Dice? Does he exist too?”

“Sometimes, we gamblers feel some divine guidance. He’s, like, behind that? I dunno, really. But he’s got real churches!” Oh. I guess not all gods have to exist. Whiiich means... I was just joking about it before, but I guess there wouldn’t be any problems with a Beddhist Church? Beddhism... It sounds good to me. Sounds like sleeping all day and night.

Day 29 of Year 2

Right. Let’s build a church. Of course, not a church for the Ivory Goddess, but a church for Beddhism. I thought so hard about this last night I’m kinda sleep deprived, but believe me, I’m serious about this. How many years has it been since I got so into an idea that I couldn’t even sleep? The more I thought about Beddhism, the better it sounded. After all, if I make the prayer ritual for Beddhism be “taking a nap,” I could sleep all day under the guise of being pious! Hey, I’m just a loyal believer taking my religion seriously here!

Nobody could criticize me for sleeping in or taking afternoon naps if I was doing so for religious reasons. This is the most amazing discovery I’ve made in years. For the sake of my health and sleep I need to build the church! I need to build it. I have to build it. This has to happen! I’ve come this far, I might as well build a splendid church for Beddhism. I’ll fill it with my love for sleep!

...Or so I thought, but after some reflection I realized there wasn’t any space for it. That is, there was space on the outskirts of the city, but I wouldn’t want to walk that far every time. Well, whatever. I don’t have any experience building churches, may as well start with a smaller one. I decided to blueprint a smaller church with plans to someday make a really big one. I took a pen, some paper, and got to work in my office.

The exterior came first. My personal mental image of a church involved white walls and a blue ceiling. That should work here. I could use... plaster for the white walls? Shells and lime should do the trick. The blue could be... What are blue roofs made from, anyway? Copper? Verdigris? Ehhh, it doesn’t matter, I’ll just make it from whatever and paint it blue. I wanted windows that warm light could stream in through. Glass was very valuable in this world, but it was cheap for me since I could just manipulate empty potion bottles with {Create Golem}. Time to add a crapload of windows.

That was enough for the exterior. Next, the interior. Mainly the chapel. I’ll add desks so that everyone can sit next to each other while praying... right, while falling asleep. Sleeping is praying in Beddhism, after all, and there’s just something about desks that inspires sleepiness. I’ll add in partitions so you can sleep without worrying about who’s sleeping next to you. Just gotta make it so they can slide down into the desk, and... good. I can just fix them if there’s any problems. I’ll add a ceiling fan to keep the chapel cool and easy to sleep in. One made of wood that moves slowly, keeping the air moving at a good rate. Ventilation’s important since things will get stuffy with all the people otherwise.

Naturally, the object of worship before the shrine will be a futon... Wait, wait. A five yen coin swaying like a pendulum might be better. It’s metaphorical for gradually falling asleep. A five yen coin will be especially good as a simple symbol like the Christ cross. Sounds go— Wait. That’ll make it a religious symbol, not an object of worship. Okay. Our symbol will be a five yen coin and our object of worship will be a futon. Perfect.

...Buuut a literal five yen coin would be a bit suspicious, so I’ll go with a normal coin with a circular opening in the middle. I’ll stick a string through it and use it like a pendant. Okay. Our holy symbol will be a pendulum with a five yen coin, or rather, a coin with a hole in the center. The pendulum swaying might make it seem like a fancy clock, but whatever. It happens.

As for the futon... I wouldn’t mind using my own here, but if I were to prioritize divinity, then I should borrow the Divine Comforter from Rokuko.

Next up is a pulpit for the preacher to stand behind. Long speeches can bore people to sleep, so yeah. Speaking of boring people to sleep, I’ll have some bookcases filled with thick books. The only book I know of in this world is “Intro to Dungeonology,” but I’m sure the Dyne Company will be able to get me some random books. They have the cash.

“Yeah, it’s looking like a pretty good chapel to me.” I gave my blueprint another look over. Yep... Now this is a church. Just need to add a chalkboard by the holy coin or whatever and it’s perfect. It can be used for, uh, Sunday school? Something like that.

As for other rooms in the church... Oh, I know. Maybe I should add a repentance room for confessing sins? I’ll keep this one simple. And I’ll add some small bedrooms for believers to sleep inside... Right as I finished a rough draft of my design, someone knocked on my door.

“Do you have a second, Keima? Someone’s asking if they can borrow Kinue for the festival.”

“Oh, Rokuko. Come on in.”

“Uh-huh. So, I think we can give her a special festival shift. We can have her cook food and put it into {Storage} ahead of time so th— Wait, what’s that?” Rokuko was looking at my church blueprint.

“Oh, I was thinking about making a church. This is the blueprint for it.”

“Neat. Are people going to worship Haku there or something? That’s what this festival is for, right? She’s the goddess of the Ivory Church or whatever.”

“Nah. This is for the Beddhist Church.”

“Beddhist?” Rokuko tilted her head in confusion. Oh yeah... I haven’t mentioned this to her. “I’ve never heard about that. Is it a religion from your old world?”

“Nope, I made it up myself. Or rather, I’m gonna be making it now. No surprise you don’t know about it.”

“Well, yeah, duh. But, um... Can you just up and make religions like that?”

“Haku’s treated like a goddess in the Ivory Church, so I figure there’s nothing wrong with me making my own.”

“Are you sure about that?” Yep, totally sure. It’s just a new religion. Since when has starting a new religion caused any problems?

“What’s it going to be about?”

“It’s gonna be a peaceful religion that focuses on relaxation, peace of mind, and pleasurable sleep. We pray by sleeping, which is a simple thing you do every day anyway, right?”

“It is. But it’s not so simple to sleep sixteen hours every day.”

“No worries, my church will only ask for normal sleeping hours with some naps thrown in.” Though... If you ask me, sixteen hours a day is pretty reasonable. Anyway, I’ll just go ahead and write down “sleep = prayer” so I don’t forget.

“By the way, it’ll be possible to practice Beddhism as a sub-religion.”

“A sub-religion...? What’s that?” According to Ichika, in this world it was standard for one person to worship only one god, which meant that as it stood those who were already a member of one church would have to leave it to join the Beddhist Church. Which naturally would sow the seeds of war, a clear violation of Beddhist doctrine. “So basically, people will still worship the Church of Light and the Ivory Church as their main religion. The Beddhist Church will accept that, and still allow people to practice Beddhism. It’s that simple.” In video games terms, it’d be like a sub-job. A warrior learning monk skills on the side. An Ivory Church worshiper practicing Beddhism on the side. Of course, anyone would practice Beddhism as their primary religion as well.

People could pray to their primary god when in search of happiness, and they could give Beddhist prayers when in search of peace. It wouldn’t be a big deal. Just go with the flow. Like Japanese people tend to do with religion. ’Cause I mean, back in Japan, some people would lump in foreign gods with the Seven Gods of Fortune. This is nothing compared to that.

“Are you sure this is okay, Keima? I’m not super informed on religions, but I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“It’ll be totally fine. If people are that invested in their religions, it just means not many people will join Beddhism. No worries. And hey, you get to be worshiper number two.”

“Wha? I obviously want to be Number 695. I’ll be waiting to join, so do your best spreading the good word.”

“U-Uh, alright.” That sure is a lot of people... Guess I’ll go ahead and add Niku and Ichika in too. Better leave spot 89 up for Haku in case she wants it.

“Hey, Keima. Shouldn’t you make up, like, some kind of mythology for this or something?”

“Hm? Good point... I’ll just half-ass some stuff. Stories that preach the importance of sleep, mainly. I’ll go ahead and treat mosquitoes as demons since they suck.” I’ll preach the existence of an unseen evil threatening the peaceful sleep of innocence with itchiness and buzzing: King of Devils, Moskito. His one weakness? The Holy Blade Bugspray! Oh, I just invented a Holy Blade. I should make Siesta a Divine Blade that saves lives through inspiring sleep in those near it. Man, I should be writing this stuff down.

“By the way, am I gonna be treated as a witch or heretic for not needing sleep?”

“Nah, what matters is that you can sleep. To take things further, anyone who just takes breaks to rest is qualified to practice Beddhism, even if they can’t literally fall asleep.”

“That’s pretty loose.”

“Futons are gentle beings that embrace all those who choose to lay upon them... They are beyond good and evil, the embodiment of truly equal love. Our holy mother is a futon... But mosquitoes, you can eat shit. At least stay on the ground.” Yeah, that sounds like it’ll fit right into the Bible. I should be writing all this down. Let’s see what else I can make up...

A lack of sleep is horrible for the skin. I should be able to appeal to women by bringing that up.

One cannot fight without rest. For the sake of future battles, use the now to rest. Uh-huh. Warriors need to take breaks too.

Do not panic. Calm down, and sleep. Mmm... Not as catchy, but I might grab some monks with it.

Sleep well, lest your body fail you when it matters most. Good. Laborers will appreciate that.

Thou art a fool for whom thinking is a waste of sleep... Wait, that’s just insulting people.

“Sleep is all, and all is sleep... Perfect.”

“Keima, are you sleep deprived? Is your head okay?”

“Don’t sweat it. This is all great stuff.” Okay, now I just gotta make the actual church and start gathering believers. Once the religion grows I’ll be able to nap whenever I want. Whenever I want! I mean, I’m already doing that now, but still! I won’t get disrespect for it anymore! Soon, nobody will insult me for napping in the middle of the day! In fact, they will praise me for my piety! Bwahahahahaha!

“Oh yeah. Maybe I should offer a gift of a dried bean-filled pillow (inedible) to new believers in hopes of drawing adventurers in?”

“Ichika would love that, definitely.” I mean, it’s technically edible if you really try, but, uh... Be sure to eat it before six months are up. Don’t wanna eat bugs in it or something. Though {Purification} might make them last longer.

Day 30 of Year 2

“Alright, perfect.” It was early morning. I had accidentally stayed up all night and could feel the sleep deprivation hitting, but I had finished building the church. To answer your question, yes, I was the masked man Narikin, a mysterious sorcerer who specialized in construction. I’ve gotten pretty used to using construction magic (read: {Create Golem} and nothing else) to make stuff. If I have the materials, I can make something this big and grand in a single night.

The bookshelves were still empty, but I could fill them in later. Within the chapel were sixty desks, five rows of six on either side of the central path. Someday these seats would be filled with believers drooling as they snoozed. The stained glass windows from which warm light streamed through depicted white futons. I was pretty proud of those windows, to be honest. Faces were beyond me, but I managed the futons well. I mean, to be fair, it was kinda sorta extremely hard to tell what they were, but I was confident that some percentage of people would understand. What else could they be?

Incidentally, I built the church some distance away from the inn, toward the tunnel. It was pretty close to where people were living. With a location that good, there was no doubt that both villagers and traveling merchants would end up dropping by for worship.

...Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure someone told me that our population’s been shooting up as villager adventurers bring their families over here to live and word of this place spreads. The vice chief had me sign some kind of plan to expand the residential district of the town. I went ahead and signed it since it looked fine at a glance. Beddhism might have a pretty bright future ahead of it, ahahaha.

“Fwaaah. Morning, Keima. You already built the church? But it’s so early in the morning... Did you stay up all night?”

“’Sup, Rokuko. Didn’t I tell you to call me Narikin when I’m wearing this mask...? Well, whatever. Take a look at this. It’s the first church for Beddhism. Pretty impressive, right? Hahaha!”

“Very nice, but it’s time for bed. You can use my lap as a pillow.”

“Huh? Ow, what? Don’t pull on me. Good idea, though. I can work lap pillows into the bible for sure. Let’s do it, Rokuko.” Rokuko took my hand and pulled me into the library. She asked if there was anywhere to rest, so I told her about the individual rooms with futons in them. We entered one of those together. I then took off my mask and healed my tired head on her lap pillow.

...When I woke up, I regretted my actions a little, and also questioned why Rokuko was actively patting my head hours later. On top of the futon. Yeah, Haku’s gonna kill me. It’s not even a question anymore, just a matter of time.

“Feeling better, Keima? I was worried about you the moment you said you were going to make a church. Were you already sleep deprived back then?”

“...No, I don’t think so.”

“That means I put you to sleep right before things got bad this time. Eheh, nice going, me.” Uh, being sleep deprived isn’t really that big of a deal. I... I think? Anyway, I sat up. It hurt to leave Rokuko’s lap pillow, but I couldn’t stay within its soft embrace forever.

“Well, uh. Thanks, Rokuko. I’m all better now.”

“You’re welcome. So, what now? You’ve already built the church and everything.”

“Good question... I think it’s time to start spreading the word of Beddhism. Got any ideas? Like, anyone worshiping Beddhism gets a discount on the tunnel fees.”

“If you do that, people will figure out there’s a connection between the Beddhist Church and the tunnel dungeon. Are you sure you’re not still sleep deprived?” Rokuko patted her lap. Welp... She’s right.

“Seriously, Rokuko, you’re way smarter than you used to be. At this rate you’ll basically be a wise sage in a year’s time, I’m not even kidding.” Okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. It’s as silly as saying “If it keeps getting hotter, by December it’ll be over 100 degrees Celsius!”

“A-A sage? D-Don’t compliment me like that, you’re gonna embarrass me,” said Rokuko while smacking the bed, looking pretty pleased with herself.

“Okay, how about any Beddhist who sleeps in the inn gets a free purin?”

“That sounds pretty good. Really, people might go crazy over it. Oh, right, by the way. Is there any ritual new followers have to go through to join the church?”

“Ah... Nah, that sounds like a pain. All you have to say is ‘I believe in Beddhism,’ and that’ll be good enough. We can sell our holy symbol, a coin with a hole in the middle, to those who want one.”

“That’s pretty lax.”

“I don’t want to bother doing anything fancy. I’d rather just use that time to sleep.” Incidentally, I would make the opened coins out of a copper. Those would cost five coppers to buy, silver ones a single silver, and gold ones a single gold. Basically, I was trying to make them accessible to encourage those who wanted peaceful sleep to buy them. Also, strings and chains were sold separately. My ideal was for them to be used as keychains and straps too, not just necklaces.

“That’s a plain-looking coin.”

“I couldn’t think of any design for it. Hmm... Maybe I should carve in things that believers will want to see in their dreams.”

“You sure that’ll be okay?”

“I’m making the rules here, so sure. Anything goes. If you’ve got any requests, now’s the time to ask.”

“It’s not really a big deal, but there is one thing.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“Who’s going to manage the church? Surely not you, since you’ll just sleep through everything, right?”

.........

Crap! I completely forgot! Building the church isn’t enough, this is like a store without a guy behind the counter! We need nuns and priests, sisters and brothers! Definitely a cardinal or bishop thrown in there!

“Haaah. Looks like you didn’t even think about that. Well, it’s not like this can’t be solved by summoning monsters.”

“Th-That’s right. I just need to summon monsters that’ll pass themselves off as humans.”

“...But I don’t know about entrusting a new hire with work this important.” One line of logic was that it made sense to hire new people for a new job, but... If they messed up bad enough, the town might find out our secrets. We wanted a monster used to dealing with people.

“This is a simple problem to solve. Summon a new monster to work in the inn and leave the church to one of our top administrator monsters.”

“Uh-huh. So, who are we gonna summon for the inn?”

“...We’ve got three choices: a Vampire, a Silky, and an Apprentice Witch.” We had originally summoned Rei, Kinue, and Neruneh as samples to see which types of monsters were the most skilled and intelligent. Judging by their work ethic and whatnot, this job was best left to...

“It’s gotta be a Silky.”

“A Silky, definitely.”

Rokuko and I agreed completely. Well, if this were about researching magic or working in the dungeon, things would be different, but when it came to work in the inn, a Silky would be perfect.

We went to summon one right away, moving location to the Master Room. It was a white room as large as a gymnasium, but it was pretty messy, filled with mined stone and earth for making Golems, along with various items mostly taken from dead adventurers.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

“Look, Keima, look! There’s a Silky Set in the Catalog now! It’s a little more DP efficient!” Oh? I took a look at Rokuko’s opened menu. Indeed, there was a Silky Set. You could buy three Silkies for 80,000 DP. Since a normal Silky cost 30,000 DP, it was indeed more bang for your buck. Perfect. Let’s go with this.

As an aside, there was no Vampire Set or Apprentice Witch Set. I wonder why not...? Maybe stronger monsters don’t get sets. Or maybe it’s because Silkies are maids. You really do want to have an entire platoon of maids, not just one.

“Okay, summoning time! Come forth, Silkies!” I spent the DP and a large magic circle spread out. Subsequently, three Silkies appeared in the middle of it— Wait, aren’t they a little small?

“We have answered your summons and arrived, Master.” Oh man, all three of them spoke at the same time.

I took another look at them. They were clearly younger than Kinue. Middle schoolers at best, really. And their faces... I couldn’t tell any of them apart. They were triplets.

“Aren’t they a little small compared to Kinue?”

“Well, that’s the price we pay for saving on DP, I guess.”

Their similarly light green hair was cut short, covering their ears but not much further. They were wearing the classic green Silky maid outfit, though with chests considerably more flat than Kinue’s. Honestly, it was pretty surreal looking at them. That was fine, though. Anyone would believe that they were related to Kinue. And it wouldn’t be a lie to call them family, technically.

“Uhh, greetings, Silkies. Your job is to mingle with the humans and work at an inn. You will cook, clean, and work as receptionists. That you work for a dungeon is top secret.”

“Understood, Master. Your wish is our command.” The three of them answered at exactly the same time, their voices combining into one. Heh... Rei was so stunned her jaw dropped when I told her she would be working at an inn, but these three didn’t even blink. Silkies are something else.

“Alright then... Uhhh, Rokuko, call someone over.”

“Mmm, let’s see, who’s not on shift... Okay, I’m calling Ichika.” Rokuko blinked hard and Ichika suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

“Gyaaah?! Oh, wait, this is the Master Room. I totes thought I just fell into a pitfall and died.”

“Hey, Ichika. Teach these three how to work in the inn for me.”

“Mmm? What, summoned more newbies, huh? Sure, bro, didn’t expect this, but you got it. Wait a sec... They’re triplets?”

“We’ll be in your care!” The three Silkies bowed politely together. They really were in sync. Sure, it’s fine to think of them as triplets. I did summon all three of them at once, after all.

“Looks like we’ll need to switch the shifts up. By the way, Keima, are you going to do another naming ceremony?” asked Rokuko, reminding me that I had held an elaborate naming ceremony when giving Rei and the others names. It sure would be anno— Rather, now wasn’t a good time for that. Right.

“Ceremonies are only for our administrators. Ichika, feel free to name these three.”

“Wha? Me? Uhhhh... ’Kay. Hanna, Nicole, and Pio.” She pointed at them and named them one by one without a second of thought. Aaand I still can’t tell them apart.

“...I’ll give them hair ornaments. White for Hanna, red for Nicole, and yellow for Pio.”

“Thank you very much, Master!” I bought three hair ornaments for 150 DP each. The triplets happily accepted them and put them on. That should help distinguish them.

Incidentally, all three of them were indeed on our list of Named Monsters. Monsters were automatically added once I accepted the names, it seemed. I wonder what’ll happen if I try to change a Named Monster’s name. I’ll experiment later.

“Now then. I shall repeat my orders. My Silkies... Work at the inn!”

“Understood, Master!”

“Their boss has gotta be Kinue. Ichika, you can be like their support, teaching them the ropes and all that.”

“You got it. And, uh, Master? I’m totes getting a bonus for this, right?” asked Ichika, rubbing her hands together.

“...Ichika, you are a slave, remember? Don’t you feel any urge to work for free?”

“I’ve got such a bro Master that I kinda forget that sometimes, to be real. And don’t you wanna give your cute little slave a reward?” I dunno about “little” with those melons, but yeah, I actually was planning to give her a bonus.

“One curry roll a day, for a total of seven a week.”

“Good ones, from the Bakery Series!”

“Sure. Ask Kinue for them, I’ll give her the DP.” Ichika was a slave and not an actual member of the dungeon, so she couldn’t use DP directly. She could only use the menu temporarily for controlling Golems when Rokuko or I made ours visible. Which meant that if she wanted something from the DP Catalog, she had to ask someone else. At the current moment, only I, Rokuko, and the administrators Rei, Kinue, and Neruneh could use DP.

“HEEEECK YEAAAH! You know what’s up, Master! I love you! Ravish me!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” I gave Ichika a pat on the head and sent her to the Silkies.

“Wow, Boss, your face sure is red.”

“Shut it, Hanna! We’re getting straight to work! Rokuko, do your thing, girl.”

“Uh-huh, I’ll send you all to the break room.” A bright light enveloped Ichika and the others from the bottom up. Then, they vanished. Rokuko had “placed” them into the employee break room.

...Oh yeah, that reminds me, I gotta expand the employee dorm. Looks like it’s already time for the construction sorcerer Narikin to return.

Day 31 of Year 2

With the employee dorm expanded, I got to work on my religion again. Gathered at the church with me was Rokuko, Rei, and Niku. I had chosen them for their assistance in case something unexpected happened. I would have liked to have Ichika there with me too, but she was busy training the newbies.

...Rokuko was just there because she insisted on being with me, saying “I’m lending you my Divine Comforter, so we’re in this together!” She was my ultimate weak point so I really would have liked her to stay inside somewhere safe, but I didn’t want to shoot her down and kill her enthusiasm.

“So, what are we doing here?”

“I got some books from Dyne, so now we just gotta make up a bible and spread the good word. I’m not really planning on this church getting too big, so feel free to be pretty lazy about it. Just do whatever.”

“Wow, talk about being lame. You worked this hard to make a church, why not put a little more effort into it?” The church that had appeared from nowhere was already the talk of the town (not to mention the employee dorm that had expanded overnight). However, I really had no intention of gathering a huge number of followers. Reason being, the church existed solely to give me an airtight excuse for sleeping in and taking naps. If too many people joined the church, I’d be too busy to sleep.

“The bible’s pretty much entirely blank, as you can see. I can make copies of it using {Create Golem}, so I’ll just pass it off as a magic tool that writes itself over time.” At the moment, it was just a super thick notebook. I had made it myself using leather, gold coins, and paper bought with DP. It was especially heavy, with the idea being that you could use it as a pillow when you were tired.

“So, Keima. What should we be doing? Are we nuns?”

“Pretty much. But I have a special job just for Rei.”

“What? For me, Master?” Rei tilted her head. I grinned and plopped my hands on her shoulders.

“Rei. Basically, you’re the High Priestess.”

“Um?!”

The High Priestess. Such a role wasn’t vital to a church, but it was better to have one than not. The High Priestess became the symbol and representative of a religion. Rei’s dignified appearance was a key point for me choosing her. And to be real, if Alca could manage as the Church of Light’s High Priestess, then there was no reason that Rei couldn’t be a fantastic High Priestess. To a certain degree. Just enough to get a few followers here and there, please.

“Don’t sweat it, Rei. You’re a divine High Priestess that can perform miracles at will: massages that don’t hurt. That’ll spread the word of Beddhism really well.”

“Err, are those really miracles? I do them all the time at the inn.” Don’t think too hard about it. We’re just going with the flow here.

Rei’s massages were incredibly popular due to how they mysteriously didn’t hurt whatsoever. I knew that it arose from her lack of attack power materializing in odd ways, but it was a fact that they felt so good people fell asleep during them constantly. So, she was perfectly qualified for being the High Priestess of Beddhism. From now on she would be giving her massages in rooms within the church, for a fee.

“Now that that’s settled, I’ll give you a special ruby on your coin to signify your holy position.” Crimson symbols were perfect for vampires. I worked a thread through an open coin and handed it to her. I gave her a nun outfit too while I was at it. Only 200 DP with the hat.

“I-I shall do my best to serve you... I am... a High Priestess... The High Priestess... is me...”

“Actually, Keima, aren’t Vampires undead-type monsters? Should she even be stepping near the church?”

“I was thinking more demon-type... Not that those are much better for churches. Well, whatever. It’s not like anyone knows she’s a Vampire.” I can just pass it off as a Beddhism tenet stating that even the undead deserve peaceful sleep. Yeah.

“So, Keima, what about mine?”

“Rokuko, your holy symbol will be this pretty wild thing that’s a mixture of hihi’irokane and adamantite on an orichalcum base. I put extra effort into it since the idea is that the church is super grateful that you’re lending the Divine Comforter to it.”

“Woow! You’re right, it is pretty wild! It’s like a solid rainbow!” I had just haphazardly mixed stuff with {Create Golem}, but the result ended up looking pretty good. The base was a reddish platinum color, but it was kind of iridescent? It changed colors kind of like a soap bubble. The fact the colors changed regardless of the angle you were looking at it from probably had something to do with mana.

It was probably cheaper to make it that way than to use pure orichalcum. I couldn’t think of anything to do with it, so I just went ahead and made it into an opened coin. The weird colors gave me the impression it wouldn’t be great for armor. I had used a bit of the orichalcum that Father gave me, but between you and me, the rest of it I had just bought with the 10,000 DP we saved from buying the Silky Set.

“You really don’t mind us borrowing your Divine Comforter?”

“Definitely. Just be sure to sleep with me again, okay?”

“Ph-Phrasing... And also, maybe in a normal bed? The Divine Comforter kinda scares me.” We’re talking about divine punishment here, after all, I thought while handing Rokuko her nun outfit.

“Master, what should I do?”

“Niku, you can just be a normal nun. Your coin will be iron, since iron is this town’s main export,” I said, handing over the coin and a nun outfit. It was child-sized but the price was the same. Well, worst comes to worst, Niku can just beat the crap out of anyone who comes to the church looking for trouble.

“...Actually, given your age, you can be more like a nun in training.”

“Understood.” There wasn’t any job in particular I wanted her to do. At most, she could be our bodyguard. Not that I honestly expected someone to come to a church with armed diplomacy.

Incidentally, I was wearing a priest outfit. I was the one who knew the most about the Beddhist Creed (work in progress), after all.

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road. Beddhism has officially begun.” With our preparations complete, I went to open the door, and... Inside were two older dwarf dudes.

“Eh, Keima? What’s with that outfit then? Ye a priest now? I’m guessin’ ye were behind this building, huh?”

“Keima! What’s with this building? I’m gettin’ some crazy vibes from this place!”

One of them was the representative adventurer on the Town Council, Gozou, and the other was the dwarf blacksmith, Kantara.

“Looks like our first visitors are Gozou and Kantara. Not off to a great start. What are you two doing here?”

“Didn’t ye hear? We’re here to check this place out, y’know, fer ourselves. Err... This is a church, yeah? Right?” Gozou looked around the chapel.

...Yeah, it’s a church. Do churches in this world look a lot different from this? I asked Ichika and she didn’t have any problem with this one.

“Don’t look like no Ivory Church building to me. Guessin’ it’s a part of that Beddhist Church you were talkin’ about, Keima?” Kantara seemed especially interested with the opened coin and the stained glass windows.

“Yep. I had it built on a whim.”

“On a whim? Keima, really now? Ye know the town’s gonna stir up a fuss if a building comes outta nowhere. Tell us this kinda thing ahead of time, if ye would be so kind.” Oh right, I forgot I’m technically town chief here. I probably should have informed someone about this.

“My bad, my bad. I’ll be more careful.”

“See that ye are, this kinda fuss ain’t good for my heart. Ye ordered these books from Dyne, didn’t ye? Huh... I heard this placed popped up overnight, but good grief, this is one fine building.” Gozou beat a hand against the walls and door. Don’t break them, please.

“I used some pocket money to hire that one sorcerer specializing in construction. He expanded the employee dorm while he was at it.”

“Ah, so that’s who’s behind the third of Goren Town’s thirteen mysteries, ‘the inn that expands overnight.’ He’s that A-rank friend of yers, yeah?” Huh, the last time I heard about those, there were just seven. There’s more now?

“...Ehhh, built all this in an evening, huh? I gotta ask him how much this cost to build,” murmured Kantara, looking at the stained glass windows and the ceiling fan. Yeah, ask him and not me. That’ll be convenient for me since I haven’t thought up a price.

Oh, right, that’s enough small talk. Time for some proselytizing.

“Since you came all this way, wanna join the church? I’ve got some holy symbols.”

“Nah, I’m in the Ivory Church. Ye really think I’d convert just like that? This is some serious stuff, man.”

“Aaah, and I be worshiping the God of Smithing, so...”

“Don’t worry about it, you can worship Beddhism as a sub-religion.”

“Sub-religion?” Both the dwarves blinked in confusion. Guess I had to start my explanation there. Thus, I gave them a rundown on sub-religions and how they were basically nothing but good. If they joined Beddhism, they would just have to give simple prayers and rest well, with the only serious rule being “Do your utmost to not disturb another’s sleep.” Of course, I didn’t forget to mention the free purin.

Also, you didn’t need a holy symbol to become a believer. As a sub-religion, it was perfectly fine to carry around your primary church’s symbol. All you had to do was keep love for sleep in your heart.

“...I get it. So yer saying I can join Beddhism while still worshipin’ the Ivory Goddess?”

“I won’t force you to join if you don’t want to. A core tenant of Beddhism is to sleep rather than forcing other people to do things they don’t want to.”

“Now, that, I like. The Holy Kingdom’s Church of Light gets so up yer ass about joining I jus’ can’t be bothered.”

“Yea, it was rough when their High Priestess came here last year.” Good times... Wait, the High Priestess actually talked to people to get them to join her religion? That’s pretty funny.

“Eh, alright, I’ll join. Iffin’ I can do it on the side, why not?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Yeah. I’d take some fried food over the purin, though.”

“...Sure, alright. I’ll pass that on.”

“Thank ye!” Gozou grinned. Ahhhh, I get it. The food reeled him in.

“What about you, Kantara?”

“I... ahhh, I’ll have the purin.” Oh, he’s already decided to join. Guess the purin’s all he cares about. That’s fine. I got me some believers.

“I’ll make what free food you get an option. Sound good, Rokuko?” I looked at Rokuko, who had been sitting silently in a nearby pew (desk).

“Bwuh, me? Sorry, I was so left out of that conversation I wasn’t even paying attention. If that’s what you want to do, Keima, it’s fine with me.”

“Yer too kind. Wait, yer the owner, ain’t ye? I thought yer were just a nun. Ye joined Beddhism too?”

“Well, something like that. Keima invited me. Everyone that works for our inn is Beddhist now.”

“Ahhh, ye, I see that Rei and Kuro are wearing nun outfits too. Eh... Keima, what’s gonna happen to the inn?”

“I hired three of Kinue’s family members, so it’ll be fine. They’re triplets. Seriously, it’s wild,” I said, nodding. Gozou replied, “Should be fine then.” Yep. It’ll be just fine.

“Here, since you two are important to the town, I’ll give you these cheap copper holy symbols for free.”

“Whoa now, ain’t this the kinda time you’d give us the best ones ye got?”

“The best one I have is what Rokuko has, so no. It’s not for sale.”

“What, this one?” said Rokuko, taking the holy symbol out from behind the chest of her nun habit to show the dwarves. Kantara’s eyes shot open upon seeing it gleam like a rainbow.

“...’Scuse me for a second. This... This metal is...?!”

“Isn’t it pretty? Keima gave it to me.”

“I got it in the dungeon,” I followed up to hide my true involvement. That wasn’t a lie, either, since I made it using metal earned from a Dungeon Battle and metal bought through dungeon functions.

“...Keima. Yer saying ye found this already in the shape of Beddhist’s holy symbol?”

“More or less, yeah.” He was probably trying to ask if I had modified it myself. Since I had just mixed the stuff and let it harden into the shape of the holy symbol, I hadn’t really “modified” it. Still safe.

Immediately, Kantara knelt before the symbol in prayer.

“...Oh Lord! Oh Tatara, God of Smithing! I thank ye for blessing me with this meeting! I thank ye for guiding me to Beddhism!” Addendum. He prayed from the bottom of his heart with utter sincerity.

“Keima, please baptize me! As soon as possible! Ahhhh, what a fantastic day it is!”

“U-Uh, Gozou. What happened to Kantara?”

“...Keima. I’m not a blacksmith, so I dunno the details... But this holy symbol is somethin’ else. Somethin’ unbelievable. It’s a new type of metal, one that takes after orichalcum,” said Gozou, making Kantara shoot up and spin around.

“Wrong, Gozou! This ain’t a new type of metal... It’s an alloy! A combination of metals using orichalcum! In all of dwarf history, no blacksmith has ever managed to make an alloy out of the perfect metal orichalcum! It’s the mystery that’s eluded our race for all of time! Ahaha, can ye believe it? The metal beyond orichalcum is before our eyes! We have witnessed the birth of a new era of metallurgy!”

“Wha? S-Seriously...?! That’s... friggin’ serious stuff! Ye gods!”

Well... I didn’t really follow all that, but basically, the holy symbol I gave to Rokuko was “friggin’ serious stuff” to dwarves.

“I’m not going to give it to you.”

“...I want it so bad I can feel every part of my body turning into tentacles, but right now my head’s just full of thankful prayers for this miracle.”

“Keima. Ye found this in the dungeon, yeah? Could you tell us which floor? If we gotta be baptized first, sure, we’ll do anything. I’ll leave the Ivory Church if I gotta.”

“Calm down, you two! Seriously. Calm down! Okay?!” I made the dwarves take deep breaths.

...A-All better?

“Rokuko, we’ve gotta seal that holy symbol. And uhhh... My dwarf friends. Would you keep this a secret?” I’ll just... give Rokuko a ruby symbol like Rei’s. She can stick to showing that one to people.

“...I’ll keep quiet if you let me touch it.”

“Can we see it a bit more, too? Please, Rokuko! We’re begging you! Let us see and touch it!”

Okay, now they’re just sounding like perverts... Anyway, I agreed to let them borrow it for ten minutes. They had their fill of it and finally calmed down, letting out long satisfied sighs.

“So, what do we gotta do to be baptized? I’m guessin’ you can do that yerself, since all the girlies joined?” asked Gozou, his breathing still a little rough. This is a guy who generally can’t care less about anything but beer, too. I can’t believe he’s getting this crazy about something... I better hide this orichalcum alloy stuff. Yeah.

“Alright, repeat after me. I am a Beddhist.”

“I am a Beddhist!” Gozou and Kantara both replied at the same time, so forcefully they were practically shouting.

“Okay, you’re now Beddhists, disciples of the sleeping creed. Sleep well, my friends. Oyasuminasai.”

“...Ain’t that a li’l too simple?” Huh? Seems fine to me. What else would you need?

“Kinda don’t feel like we’ve joined the church, y’know? Ye sure there’s nothin’ else?” Kantara also looked stunned.

“What do other churches do?”

“Errr, they chant some holy words and throw holy water around? Some of’m wash your feet. Ye ain’t got nothin’ like that?”

“...Hmm.” Alright. This didn’t feel enough to them. I figured that simple was best, but it seemed that believers wanted some kind of fancy performance to really feel like they had joined the church. In which case, I should probably think up a ritual based on the Beddhist bible...

“Then let us pray. Rokuko, Rei, Niku. Take a seat and participate by repeating my holy chant back at me. Now seems like a good time to use Siesta.” Siesta, the Blade of Afternoon Naps, was a Magic Blade that Uzou and Muzou had given to me not too long ago.

“This is a holy blade that blesses us with sleep. When filled with mana, it induces sleep in those around it.”

“Got it. We need to resist the sleep and focus on prayin’?”

“The opposite. You don’t need to resist sleep. The point, in fact, is to sleep. That’s what Beddhism is all about.”

“Makes sense,” nodded Gozou.

I stood before the front row of desks where the five of them were sitting.

“Now then. I will chant a prayer from the Beddhist bible. Please close your eyes and repeat after me. Ah... Wan shep ova za fens.”

“Wan shep ova za fens.”

“Too shep ova za fens.”

“Too shep ova za fens.”

I started counting sheep, slurring my words, and the five of them repeated after me word for word. I wonder if they’re just straight-up hearing the Japanese sounds I’m making. Did I just find a flaw in the automatic translator?

“...Hey, Keima. What’s this prayer about?”

“Think of it like a spell for having peaceful sleep. You see, ‘shep’ means ‘creature that brings about sleep,’ and generally they take the form of... sheep. The first word counts how many there are, and then ‘ova ze fens’ indicates their righteous journey from the land of waking to the land of sleep. Generally you keep counting until you fall asleep, but this time we’ll end after counting to ten. Feel free to chant with words easier for you to say, as long as it means the same thing. You can even just count normally.” I quickly thought up a mostly nonsense answer to Gozou’s question. I’ve gotta remember to write about these shep in the bible, which is still 99% white pages.

“Sheep, huh... Those things be real fluffy.”

“I see... Guessin’ the chant continues like ‘three shep over the fence, four shep over the fence,’ then...”

It was about time to use Siesta. I thoroughly poured mana into it, and... Fwaaah, so sleepy. It’s already doing its work.

“K-Keima. I’m gettin’ kinda tired...”

“Go ahead and sleep. I’m tired too... Fwaaah... Feev shep ova za fens...”

“Five shep over the fence... Six shep over the fence...”

“Nzz...”

“Zzzzz...”

I continued counting the shep-not-sheep. Rokuko and Rei had already fallen sleep, using their arms as pillows on the desks.

“Perfect. Very, very good. Oyasuminasai.” I congratulated the two of them.

“Keima, what’s ‘oyasuminasai’ supposed to mean? That’s the second time ye’ve said it.” Wait, what? The automatic translator wasn’t catching that? I guess because I was saying it in a really dramatic, preachy tone.

“Oyasuminasai is a bedtime farewell and a word of prayer. It means ‘rest well,’ basically.”

“I get it...”

“Since it means two things at once, you can use it both when praying and when going to bed.”

“Sounds like prayin’ each day won’t be too hard, then... Welp. I’m at my limit. Oyasuminasai.”

“Oyasuminasai... nzzz...”

Oh, Kantara and Niku fell asleep too. I wanna sleep too, but I gotta stay up during the ritual... Once Gozou clocks out I’ll go to bed too. I stealthily turned my sleep resistance on. I still felt sleepy, but I wouldn’t be falling asleep with it on. Actually, isn’t that basically hell? Being sleepy but not being able to fall asleep? Man, {Sleep Resistance} sure is an awful skill.

“Nine, shep... over... ngh...”

“...Oyasuminasai.” Sweet, Gozou fell asleep. Seems like not even a skilled adventurer can last ten seconds in front of Siesta. Anyway... I’m gonna sleep. I took a random seat and turned off my sleep resistance. All I had to do then was let the irresistible sleepiness take me over.

Warm light streamed into the Beddhist church. It was a comfortable place to sleep, which made sense given I had built it from the ground up to be that way.

Okay, goodnight. Zzz.

# A Normal Adventurer’s Perspective

On a particular day, a conversation like this occurred between adventurers drinking beer in the Goren Town bar.

“Hey, Ares. Didja hear? That weird building thing’s a church of Beddhism.” The talk of the town was the church that had appeared overnight. A member of the council, Gozou, and his friend Kantara had gone to investigate yesterday. Their findings involved words he had never heard before.

“Beddhism? I’ve never heard about that. Have you, Roa?”

“Nope, it’s news to me. But word on the street is, Keima’s a member of the church. Apparently even Gozou joined.” That made Ares blink in confusion. He remembered that Gozou was a member of the Ivory Church, as most Empire citizens and adventurers were.

“Wait, so he left the Ivory Church?”

“Nah, seems like he’s in both that and Beddhism now.”

“The hell? Pretty sure most people just worship one god.” He was completely thrown off. It was common sense that worshiping a second god would result in less favor from your first god, and thus most people only joined a single church. Why would Gozou join a second one?

“He said something about it being a sub-religion. No problem practicing it on the side. Apparently all he has to do is not bother other people’s sleep and say ‘oyasuminasai’ as a goodbye or something. And even that’s not a required thing.”

“...That sounds pretty easy. If Gozou joined, I think I might too.” The Ivory Church didn’t require fervent prayer or anything, but if Gozou was joining the church on the side, Ares thought it might be smart for him to do the same. With restrictions as loose as saying a certain word every now and again, it was basically like picking up a copper off the ground.

“Anyway, about that church. The town chief found the bible of Beddhism in the dungeon and had his construction mage friend build it overnight. Using his own pocket money, too.”

“Bibles in a dungeon...? Maybe Keima’s the top dungeon explorer here ’cause he’s a member of Beddhism?”

“Sounds likely.” He said that as a joke, but thinking about it, that would explain a lot of things. Joining the church might actually be a good idea in more ways than one.

“Hey, Roa. All this talk of the town chief got me thinking, where’s all this town’s funding coming from? I heard Keima’s paying for this year’s Ivory Goddess Festival. The town’s not gonna go under in debt or anything, yeah?”

“Now that you mention it, we’re not being taxed or anything... I guess we’re just kinda staying here on our own? Well, we are adventurers.” The Adventurer’s Guild was taxing transactions it processed, but that money was all going to the Guild. None of it should be going to the town’s funding. Where was the town chief getting all the funds to keep the town going? Was it all his pocket money too?

“...Yeah, I’m thinking we should join Keima’s church. My family’s worshiped the Agriculture God for generations, but I don’t mind switching boats here.”

“Same here. Plus, I hear joining the church gets you free fried food or a purin each time you eat at the inn.” Immediately, Roa heard the sound of almost every adventurer in the bar abruptly standing up. That was to be expected. A single purin or a single plate of fried food cost fifteen coppers individually. They were that expensive, and yet free every day.

“I’m gonna go join the church.”

“Me too.”

“C’mon, hold up, you guys. I’m joining too but I’m not done talking here yet.” Emotionally speaking, he wanted to go straight to the church to join as well, but he stopped them.

“What’s with you? I wanna go eat a purin right now.” Roa smirked at Ares’s impatience and told him something he knew he’d love.

“Seems like Rei was selected as Beddhism’s High Priestess.”

“...Rei... is the High Priestess?! Oh man, Rei was already cute enough, but now that she’s a priestess she’s at least twice as cute. But doesn’t that mean I won’t be able to casually ask her for massages now?!” There were many citizens in Goren Town whose greatest pleasure in life was getting a massage in the inn after visiting the onsen. A girl that beautiful put her all into squeezing their bodies. It should be obvious why everyone loved it so much.

“Seems like she still gives massages, but in the church and for a price. In fact, I heard she was selected as the High Priestess specifically because she gives ‘miraculous massages that cause no pain and inspire peaceful sleep’ or something.”

“Huh, so those massages were a Beddhist miracle.”

“Rei being a miracle... Yeah, I’m on board with that.”

“What, Rei’s the High Priestess? I’m definitely joining then.”

Even more adventurers became interested in joining Beddhism. That was to be expected. If there was a ranking of all the most beautiful women in Goren Town, then Rei would be near the top for sure.

At that moment, Gozou, an existing member of the church, walked into the bar.

“What’s all this then? Ye lads are lookin’ pumped about somethin’.”

“Gozou! Good timing, we were just talking about Beddhism.”

“Ahh, Beddhism, huh? That stuff’s great, I’ve never slept that well in me life.”

“You like the sleeping? Not the purin?” Someone shouted that Gozou was more a fried food guy than a purin guy, but regardless, a lot of people let out shocked cries at the fact that a dwarf like Gozou who spent all his spare time cramming food and beer would talk about liking sleep.

“Yeah. Ye know how ye pray in Beddhism? By sleeping. Eh, the idea is that ye sleep well when ye gotta sleep, but the church is so comfortable it’s easy to slip into sleep. They even lend ye beds.”

“Wow! Consider me interested.”

“We were talkin’ bout using the church as a rest spot during the Ivory Goddess Festival, if ye all are interested, go check it out.” Everyone was getting more and more interested in not just going to the church, but joining Beddhism entirely.

“Plus, that’s not all.” Gozou waved his hands and stopped the adventurers, which just pumped them up more. “The Magic Blade Keima’s got is a real Holy Blade. It’s called Siesta and just being near it is enough to get sleepy. I was knocked out before I could count ten shep.”

“You what now? The blade spreads sleep? What the hell is a shep?”

“Yea, just bein’ near it is enough to fall asleep. It’s some miasma thing. Shep are a divine beast that brings sleep to people, they look jus’ like sheep. In the church you chant before sleep. ‘Wan shep ova za fens,’ like that.” Gozou proudly said the chant. He had been thoroughly dyed in Beddhism’s colors.

“Oh right, but don’t go around forcin’ people into it, hear? Beddhism’s not about forcing itself on people. If you’ve got the time to shill, you’ve got the time to sleep, he says.”

“Now that’s pretty good.” The adventurers laughed as they recalled how hated priests from the Church of Light were due to their incessant proselytizing.

“I’ll pass the word on if ye all want to join.”

“Hey, what kinda offering do they need?” Indeed. Most churches required an offering of some degree to join. They would probably have to pay a lot to cover the church having just been built. Just how much had Gozou paid? As he was the representative of the adventurers, all they could hope was that they didn’t have to pay as much as him. However, their question just made Gozou blink in surprise.

“...Now that ye mention it, I didn’t pay anything. Didn’t hear about any needing any offerings neither. Ye can buy holy symbols, but ye don’t need ’em. The cheapest one’s made of copper and costs a copper.”

“...Seriously? We can eat purins every day for just a single copper? I’m definitely joining.” Incidentally, as stated, it would normally cost fifteen coppers to buy a single purin. Getting a holy symbol was overwhelmingly the cheaper choice. By that point, there was no reason not to join.

“Do you all mind if I join in on this conversation?” A merchant spoke up.

“Oh? Yeah, go ahead. Ye interested in Beddhism too, merchant?”

“Indeed, or rather, I have already joined,” he said, taking out a coin with a hole in it from behind his shirt. He must have splurged a little, as it was made of silver.

“Ohoh, a Beddhist brother, huh?” Gozou took out his similarly silver holy symbol and clinked his against the merchant’s, as if sharing a toast. The other adventurers watched on with jealousy, wishing they could participate as well.

“Why’d ye join Beddhism, merchant? Are there other towns with churches that let ye eat purins there?”

“No, I learned of the Beddhist Church for the first time coming here. I imagine this town is the sole beneficiary of the institution.”

“Then why?”

“You see, the Dyne Company ordered books from Tsia. When I delivered them, I went to the church with Dyne. I was interested in what fellow had ordered such a large quantity and variety of books.”

“Ah, I remember somethin’ like that.” Gozou thought back to Keima saying something about books one time.

“And so, when given the books, the client put them into bookshelves on the side of the church. I asked him why he was putting such expensive goods in a public place where anybody could touch them. He answered, ‘I bought these books for anybody to read if they want. Why would I hide them out of sight?’”

“Talk about bein’ a good guy. Just what I’d expect from Keima.” Books were valuable and it wasn’t uncommon for a single volume to cost a full gold piece on its own. Who would casually put books in a dangerous place where anybody could steal them? Only a giant idiot, or a heroic man so great in spirit that he did not fear losing books of that great a value.

“He did not even appear to have plans to charge money for reading them.” In a world where knowledge itself was extremely valuable, many people attempted to monopolize it and profit thereby. Yet, Keima was putting his books in pubic for free, allowing anyone to read them. They were a bit different in scale, but even the libraries in the capital city of the Empire charged high entrance fees.

“Hey, Gozou. I might be misunderstanding somethin’ here, but is it just me or is the town chief a bit weird in the head?” Keima’s magnanimity was so great that it would make a lesser man dizzy, but Gozou just snorted.

“Bit late to be realizin’ that.” Very true. Everyone agreed with Gozou instantly. If Keima was around he probably would have argued, though.

“I decided to make this town a regular part of my route and before I knew it I had joined the church. Aaah, and that purin certainly was splendid.”

“Right?! Purins are the dang best!” And thus, everyone there went to the church to join Beddhism.

“By the way, what kinda god does Beddhism worship?”

“It seems that Beddhism does not worship a particular god. That is why it is possible to practice it as a sub-religion.”

“...Does that make Keima the pope?”

“Beddhism does sound like something Keima’d be all over.”

“Alright, the town chief is the pope! Let’s get some worshiping going on!” And so, the new religion Beddhism gained momentum with Keima as its pope.

Ultimately every citizen of Goren Town joined Beddhism and Keima panicked while baptizing all of them. Subsequently, Wataru visited for the Ivory Goddess Festival to get drunk and ended up joining Beddhism as well, but nothing went wrong and everyone in town enjoyed purins and fried food. Even passing merchants could join the celebration if they showed a holy Beddhist symbol.