Epilogue?

Day 64 of Year 2

“And that’s what happened. It was pretty rough, honestly.”

“For fuckin’ real? That Leona girl was a Dungeon Master and a Hero, huh? Black hair? Red eyes?”

“Yep. She had black hair, red eyes, and a messed up head.”

I told Ittetsu everything I knew about Leona. Did I hide anything? Nope, nothing. The more people knew about her, the better. WOOHOO! SHARING INFO ABOUT MESSED UP DANGEROUS PEOPLE! IF YOU RECOGNIZE HER, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! I OWE A LOT TO ITTETSU AND I’M GONNA MAKE SURE HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DEALING WITH!

“Be careful, Ittetsu. She’s a real monster.”

“But ya won, didn’t ya?”

“Under some strict conditions. Same as the way I beat you. If she and I fought on equal footing, she’d grind my bones to dust before I could open my mouth.”

“That’s fuckin’ scary. If she drops by my place I’ll take Redra and get the hell out of here.”

“That’s the best you can do.”

“...Not even Redra could beat her?” asked Ittetsu, scratching his cheek. Yeah, I can understand him worrying about his wife’s strength. Dragons are supposed to be the strongest. In their language, “enemy” means “prey to be crushed and devoured.” But I know for a fact she’d lose.

“Not even Redra. Not even ten normal Soldiers of God could give her a decent fight. A Dragon would be dead in no time. She used a skill called {Dragon Breath} like it was nothing, so yeah.”

“Surprised you fuckin’ beat her, shit.”

“We won cause she accidentally killed one of us. That may as well be a loss.” I had brought tea with me. I took a sip. Mmm, Japanese tea tastes good.

“Gimme some of that, Keima.”

“I dunno if a Salamander will like it that much.”

“Heat it up as much as ya can.”

“I’m using heat resistant teacups here, so heat it up as much as you want.” I poured tea in a teacup and placed it in front of him. He breathed fire on it like a human would blow on hot tea to cool it down. Which was a poor analogy since those are opposites, but still. Once he was done, he gulped down the boiling tea. My mouth burned just watching him.

“Nmm, really drives a shard through the ol’ noggin. Drinking water’s not so bad some of the time.” It’d be hard to realize this if he were in human form, but boiling hot water was basically like ice water to Salamanders. Also, uh, drives a shard through the ol’ noggin? I guess that’s kind of like brain freeze. That alcohol I gave him a while ago must have been like ice cream to him too.

With that diversion over, we got back on topic.

“Right, back to Leona. You said something about Chaos. I’m starting to think that Leona might be Core 4’s Dungeon Master.”

“Whoa, whoa, one of the fuckin’ Single Numbers, huh? Good job surviving that... Keima, maybe I should start callin’ you Boss, huh?”

“I’m telling you, I basically lost here. Give me a break.”

“Gahaha, I’m kiddin’, just kiddin’.”

And so, I had a good long talk with Ittetsu about how dangerous Leona was.

Right, I better tell Haku about this too. The thought crossed my mind as I started to head back to my room.

Oh, whoops, my hand slipped and I put myself outside the mountain. Well... May as well walk back.

Before I knew it, I was in the forest. This is weird. Am I lost? Maybe, but I decided not to worry about it. Worst case scenario, I could order my Wearable Golem to take me home. Codename: Golem GPS.

But man, the sun’s already fallen, huh...? Just as I was about to use my Golem GPS, I saw a cave up ahead. That’s light coming from inside of it, right? Somebody must be inside it.

I walked up to the cave. There were burn marks around it and some small fires still burning. It was probably a cave that had been formed through a powerful blast of incredible magic.

Inside was my destination. Yep, I knew it deep down. I had come all this way to see what was inside the cave.

I peered inside and saw... Leona sitting and waiting on top of a spread-out comforter. Why is she here?! I gotta run away! Wait, no. This is fine. Wait, what?! My brain is telling me both to run and to stay?! What’s going one?! I-I, what?! I faltered with confusion.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Ngh...!” Leona spoke to me and I held my head. I had transformed into myself as a precaution before meeting Ittetsu, so I would be fine. I had an extra life. Calm down.

“I had a lot of fun earlier and I wanted to express my gratitude. So, I used this thing to call you over,” said Leona, patting the comforter.

...The Divine Comforter. Not Rokuko’s, Leona’s. Alright, I understand everything now. Seems like I was charmed by the Divine Comforter’s holy aura. Like a moth to a flame. But who could blame me?

“I’m sure there’s a lot you want to ask me, right? Well, since I’m in such a good mood, I’ll answer any question you have!”

“...You sure? You’re not gonna ask for any favors later, right?” This was a good opportunity for me if it was legitimate, since Leona had been in this world for so much longer than me.

“I’m sure, uh-huh. This was the most fun I’ve had in a hundred years. I’ll spill the beans on anything. How to easily level up Hero skills? Sure. How to kill and trick gods? Yup. How to steal Authority? Uh-huh. Even anything about the Divine Bedding. What’s up first?”

“...What do you mean by Authority?” I first asked about a word I didn’t understand her usage of.

“Authority is, well, the power of gods I suppose. It’s what gives them authority and power over certain things. Hence, Authority. If you visit a god with Authority over love they can boost your luck with girls, stuff like that.” A more simple example would be one with Authority over rain could make it rain whenever they wanted. “By the way, you’re already starting to earn Authority over sleep, Keima.”

“...Huh? Why?”

“You’re the pope and founder of Beddhism. Authority is born from the faith of many people, but since Beddhism doesn’t have a god, well...” All the power went to me instead. Religion sure is silly here... Guess I’ll try to gather more followers.

“The reverse is true, too. Less faith means weaker Authority, and weak Authority can get stolen or disappear, which means an end to godhood. It’s not too hard to kill gods like that. Oh, I guess I just explained how to kill gods too.” In the blink of an eye I knew how to kill gods. I’m guessing gods try to kill anyone who figure this stuff out... I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything.

“As for stealing Authority, well. Think about it like giving a subordinate of yours some power, but then they end up more popular than you, and before you know it they’re the boss. It’s kind of like that. You’ll be fine as long as that subordinate keeps worshiping you, though. Oh, and the Creator God is worshiped by the God of Darkness and God of Light, so even if all the people of the world forgot him, he’d remain on top forever. Sorry, Keima, but he’s out of your reach! Too bad!”

“Uh, I wasn’t trying to pick a fight with him. Why is that too bad?”

“Oh. The Creator God has Authority over sleep. I thought you were picking a fight with him for sure.” Yeaaah... I think I’m gonna start worshiping the Creator God. So please don’t kill me, Lord.

“Okay, next. The simple way to level up Hero skills... Have you figured it out yet?”

“...Elaborate.”

“Like I said, the simple way to level them up. You get experience for breaking Dummy Cores, and breaking actual Dungeon Cores will either net you a new skill or level up an existing skill. Incidentally, if you max out a skill and can’t level it up any more, the experience gets stored. You knew all this, right?” Nope. Except the bit about leveling up by destroying Dungeon Cores.

“So, since we’re Dungeon Masters and part of the God of Darkness faction, we can level up as much as we want. Are we on the same page?”

...Wha?

“Even Dummy Cores we buy ourselves earn skill experience.”

“W-Wait, hold on. Does that really count?”

“Why wouldn’t it?” That’s some insane info out of nowhere. Dummy Cores are only, like, 5,000 DP. That would have been an insane amount in the past, but it’s nothing to me now with my current DP income. Which means...

“Doesn’t that mean we can level them up as much as we want?!”

“It does.”

Getting EXP for our skills was like eating at a buffet—we could stuff ourselves as much as we wanted. Which meant I could get my {Ultra Transformation} to level 9 in no time.

“Be careful, though. It’ll take ten, a hundred Dummy Cores to level up your skills once they get high enough. I can’t give hard numbers since it differs per skill. Like, my {Ultra Massage} skill leveled up super fast.”

“Still, that doesn’t change how leveling up skills is super simple, huh?” I’ve gotta get on that once I’m home. I thought, right as Leona snapped her fingers as if remembering something.

“Oh, but if you level them up too fast your soul will get corrupted by the God of Light, so keep it down to three levels per year. Honestly, all things considered, maybe you’d have been better off not knowing about this.” Wait. What?

“What’s all this about my soul getting corrupted? That sure came out of nowhere.”

“Did you think getting ridiculous skills like Hero skills would be a simple process? They need to harmonize with your soul’s strength and all that. If you don’t have the soul of legend, you’ll have your hands full getting one or two levels a year.” It seemed that skills were literally carved into our souls. First time I was hearing that. “So, once your soul can’t take it anymore, the skills start corrupting it. Since Hero skills are the God of Light’s domain, well... I think you understand by now. Level up your skills too fast and you’ll end up as a Soldier of God too.” Jesus, what? That’s scary. Would I get sick if I didn’t conquer dungeons or something?

...Anyway, I’ll hold off on leveling up anymore this year. I’m probably already near my limit. My first Hero skill went straight to level 3, after all.

“Well, usually it takes a year to conquer a dungeon or two, so this is mainly just inconvenient for we cheaters. The only Heroes conquering more dungeons than that are already full on Soldiers of God junkies, so it doesn’t affect them too much.”

“...Er, have you ever been corrupted before?”

“Not me, but someone I know. I had them break a ton of Dummy Cores as an experiment. Once they were corrupted, that was it. Decades passed and they never got better, so watch out. They had {Ultra Transformation} just like you, so yeah.” Hm. That’s good to know. Though I still don’t know if she’s lying or not.

“By the way, you tried to transform into me, didn’t you? I remember you suddenly disappearing for a whole day, and not due to procrastinating for once. You transformed into me and died, didn’t you?” Oh yeah, that did happen.

“...Yeah, that happened. What was that all about?”

“Ah, I knew it. Well. You see, I’m a liiittle bit cursed. I’m doing fine since I have {Ultra Resistance} and {Curse Absorption}, but if you transform into me, the curses will hit you too. Well, a part of them, anyway.”

“Come on, how many people have you pissed off?! I died instantly! I exploded!” If that was just a part of the curse, what would happen if all of it hit me? I didn’t even want to think about it.

“Do you remember how many breads you’ve eaten in your life? I don’t. That’s all there is to it, really. Ahahaha, the whole world is cursing me. I’m in so many people’s thoughts. How delicious.” Which means she’s pissed off so many people she can’t even remember them all.

“You sure are popular, Leona.”

“People don’t call me the God of Chaos for nothing. I’ve got five hundred years of hatred for me built up. Though some of it’s gone away thanks to your noble sacrifice.” God of Chaos? Another name I’m hearing for the first time. Does that mean she has Authority over Chaos or something? I wonder what that lets her do.

“By the way, I can create all sorts of things that introduce chaos and disorder, like drugs that mess up gender. Basically, I can make Hermaphrodite potions. That’s small time compared to how I mixed up the barrier between languages and made translation magic, though. But really, thanks to my {Ultra Alchemy} I can mix up basically anything.” Messing up gender and the barrier between languages...? I can’t keep up with this.

“...So you are connected to Core 4, right?”

“Oh, you know my number? I’m impressed.”

“I heard Core 4’s gone missing. Do you know where they are?”

“Well, how couldn’t I? They’re doing fine, right in front of you.”

...The only person in front of me is Leona.

“{Ultra Alchemy} and Chaos go super well together. Oh... Did I not mention? I’m a Dungeon Core too.”

“...Yeah, you just lost me.”

“Take a Dungeon Core in one hand and a Dungeon Master in another, and... {Ultra Alchemy}! You’ve got a mixed up being with one body and soul, a Core and a Dungeon Master that also happens to be a Hero. That’s me!” Chaos indeed. She’s such a mixture of everything, it kinda makes my head hurt.

“You fused yourself... with your Core? Why?”

“I forget the reason, but probably because it sounded fun. Or maybe because I was half-dead after failing to conquer a dungeon. Either way, I ended up immortal. And I got rid of my main weak point, the Core back at home. You should try it out too, Keima. I bet it would feel amazing to melt and fuse with Rokuko, getting your bodies and souls all mixed up.”

“...That’s gonna be a no.”

“Oh, okay. I wanted to experiment and see if you’d be fine mixing with a Core since you were a Hero before a Dungeon Master, but that’s fine. You’re too rare to waste on an experiment like that.” Wait, what? She’s treating me like a rare item? Gaaah, I wanna run away.

“By the way, Core 4 was a Chimera. The God of Darkness was experimenting with making Cores and mixed together monsters, plants, and even rocks to make a being truly fit to be called Chaos. Most of the Single Number Cores were experimental in one way or another, but Core 4 was the most experimental and out there of them all,” said Leona, casually. I guess even gods need to experiment with things. Oh, and why does she keep dropping huge revelations after just a casual “by the way”?

“I’m changing the subject here, but wow, I was surprised to see people eating rice in Goren.”

“Huh? You can’t make rice?” Weird. If Leona’s also a Japanese Dungeon Master, I don’t see why she can’t just buy rice with DP.

“I can, but I have to use {Ultra Alchemy} several times for each grain of rice. That’s too slow to share, I have to work forever just to make enough for me. I tried making seeds but they didn’t grow very well, so I gave up on making other people eat rice about four hundred years ago.” It seemed that if Leona wanted to eat rice, she had to make it grain by grain, putting each one into {Storage} until she was ready. Does that mean she can’t buy them with DP? Alright, I’m gonna keep quiet about this.

“How do you get your rice, Keima? I don’t think you had any alchemy skills in your list.”

“Business secret, sorry.”

“...Sure, okay. Guess I won’t be sharing any more info with you,” said Leona, wrapping up the conversation. I took a sack of rice out of my {Storage}. It was still there from when I was carrying sacks to the inn for use in the kitchen.

“You still haven’t talked about the Divine Bedding. I’ll trade you five kilograms of cleaned rice for the information.”

“Sure, that’s fair.” The fact she agreed immediately showed that she really wanted to keep talking.

“There’s seven parts of the Divine Bedding: The comforter, the mattress, the pillow, the nightcap, the quilt, the pajamas, the underwear, and the alarm clock.”

“That’s eight.”

“The alarm clock was broken by the Creator God and became underwear instead.” It’s true that although alarm clocks are a key part of bed sets, they actually disturb sleep rather than improve it. I can imagine that the Creator God got pissed after being woken up one morning and smashed it to bits. I can imagine, and sympathize.

“By the way, if you gather all seven parts of the Divine Bedding you become an immortal demigod. This is something I know from my {Ultra Identification} by the way, nobody’s managed that before.” There’s that “by the way” again. But... Immortal, hm. Consider me interested. If I become immortal I can sleep as much as I want, plus I won’t have die of old age and leave Rokuko behind.

“Also, there’s a set of Divine Equipment, a set of Divine Cutlery, etc, so if you’re aiming for godhood you can look for those too.”

“Seems like it’s not so hard to become a god here.”

“Demigods and lower ranked gods aren’t impossible to kill. They give lots of DP when they die. And they level up your Hero skills, too.” Alright, not even gods are safe from her. Also, is it just me, or is leveling up Hero skills by killing gods kinda messed up? Maybe Dungeon Cores are demigods too. That would make sense given that they’re the God of Darkness’s children. Wait... Rokuko, a god?! That can’t be right! I’m just not thinking straight.

“Okay, I think it’s your turn to talk for a bit. Who’s your favorite girl out of your whole harem? Is it Rokuko the Core, the safe choice? Or is it the fruits of my labor, Toi? Or maybe Rei? The other girls are nice too, I bet they all moan like cuties in bed at night. Oh, if you make any babies, can I have one?”

“...What are you even talking about?”

“Oh...? Hold on a second. {Ultra Identification}, {Ultra Identification}, {Ultra Identification}.” Leona stared at me with suspicious eyes and used {Ultra Identification} three times in a row. She was probably identifying the initial results in what she called the “citation effect” earlier.

“...Hold on, is this a joke?” Uh. What did she look at? “...Keima, are you gay? I mean, I swing both ways so I can understand you, but still.”

“What are you talking about? I’m normal!”

“Okay, you’re just a loser virgin then.”

“Wh-Where’s your proof?!”

“Honestly, I didn’t even need to use {Ultra Identification} on that... Want me to give you some courage? Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle. {Ultra Resistance} will keep us both safe, too.” Leona patted the Divine Comforter and pulled her shirt down a little. I could see her collarbone and plenty of her cleavage. But she was underestimating me. I couldn’t see her feet in that pose, which meant it did nothing for me. And either way, I would never accept her invitation. She would mess with my brain somehow for sure.

“No thanks.”

“Oh, you’re turning me down? Strange, the comforter must not be working then... But it did bring you here, so it must be. Do you have some kind of resistance to it...?”

...I get the feeling staying here any longer will be a little dangerous.

“My heart is tempted by the comforter, but I’m leaving!”

“Mmm, I don’t think so.” Before I knew it, long pieces of cloth had wrapped themselves around my hand. I looked down them and saw them connected to Leona’s hands. What the hell? I can’t get them off. Are they tentacles or something? She pulled them and I landed on top of the comforter with a plop. Leona then straddled my hips.

“Don’t worry, just count the tiles on the ceiling and this will be over in no time. Oh wait, there aren’t any, ahaha.”

“Wh-What are you doing?! STOOOP!”

I yelled in fear and fell unconscious.