Bonus Short Stories

A Dangerous Plant (for Beddhism)

It was a bright and sunny day, save for the dark exchange going on behind the inn.

“Kinueee. Did you get the stuuuff...?”

“...Haven’t you had enough of this, Neruneh? I think it’s time for you to stop.”

Neruneh’s eyes were somewhat hollow as she asked Kinue for the stuff. Kinue, the seller, seemed hesitant to go through with the trade.

“Just take it out alreadyyy, Kinuee...” At Neruneh’s urging, Kinue took out a small wooden box. Inside was a dried plant that had been chopped into small pieces. Neruneh took a piece and sniffed it. The smell was intoxicating.

“Ooooh! This is high quality stuff... Sniff sniff, fwaaaah, so niiiice.”

“I acquired this at your request, but I cannot bear to see you destroy your body like this any longer.”

“Whateveeer. It’s my body, I can do whatever I want with iiit... Plus, this plant helps clear my mind, I get a lot more work done on magic tools when I use iiit.” Indeed. One effect the plant had was to ward off sleep and enable one to work throughout the night. But naturally, that put a heavy load on one’s body, as evident by the dark bags under Neruneh’s eyes.

“Please, get some sleep! There’s... There’s bags under your eyes.”

“Mehhh, I’m already sleeping. Two whole hours a daaay, eheheh,” said Neruneh with a pleased laugh, but the revelation just made Kinue’s heart ache more. Two hours. Just two, despite the fact that their master Keima slept six times as much as that...

“But the recent stuff I’ve got have all been crappy, none of them worked muuuch... Ahaha, I owe you big tiiime.”

“I... There’s no way that’s good for your body! Take better care of yourself! Please, I’m begging you...”

“Researching magic tools is a job Master gave me, remembeeer?” There was nothing Kinue could say to that. The Dungeon Master’s orders were final.

“Haaah, haaah... As long as I have this plant, everything will be fiiiine... Ahahaha....” She returned the plant to the box and started to leave, when suddenly...

“Stop right there, Neruneh! I have caught you red handed!” Rei’s voice sounded out, then she appeared out of nowhere, having been hiding herself with {Illusion}. Neruneh faltered. Impossible, Rei should have been working in the church. But thinking about that could come later. She had to hide the stuff first. Wait, no, it was already too late for that.

“To think that you would be addicted to that plant, Neruneh.”

“R-Rei! You have the wrong idea, I just need this for my researching.... Right, Kinueee?” Neruneh hurriedly turned to Kinue for backup, but she just shook her head with a defeated expression.

“Rei... Please. Put Neruneh to bed.”

“Kinueee?! Traitoooor!”

“Come with me and get in bed. This is for your sake.” Rei grabbed Neruneh firmly by the back of her neck. Rei had no attack power, but that didn’t mean she lacked the strength to pin someone down. Neruneh in her weakness had no means of escaping her.

“Let go of meee! I can’t let myself go to bed just yeeeet!”

“You’re coming with me! There’s a warm futon waiting for you!”

“I don’t wanna sleep, I don’t wannaaaa! My reseaaaarch!” Neruneh struggled, but it was all for naught. She was taken to a room in the church.

“Neruneh... Come home clean, please. I’ll have a midnight snack waiting for you...” The air calmed with only Kinue and the small box Neruneh dropped left behind.

＊ ＊ ＊

Aaand that’s what Rokuko and I saw through the window.

“...Um, Keima. What are those three doing?”

“Having some fun playing make believe?” Neruneh’s box contained tea leaves for black tea. Kinue had bought some just recently.

Naturally, tea was standard stuff in this world. It didn’t have any addictive properties and it wasn’t illegal. But like normal tea, it did have a side effect of making one’s sleepiness go away, and if you got too used to the caffeine that side effect would weaken. Neruneh had stayed up working so late so consistently that she had black bags under her eyes. That was definitely unhealthy. But she had been taken to the Beddhist church, so she would soon fall asleep whether she wanted to or not. By nighttime she’d have as fresh a face as ever.

As an aside, Beddhism hasn’t banned tea or other consumables containing caffeine. It even recommends drinking milk tea before bed. Sure, caffeine can make sleepiness go away, but I don’t really care. The problem here rested in the fact Neruneh was so into her work that she was skipping sleep to speed things along. But her research wasn’t so pressing that she needed to rush. I would have liked her to go slow at her own pace.

Neruneh had a tendency to focus so much on her work that she forgot to eat or sleep. It was bad enough that Kinue was getting sincerely worried for her. Unfortunately, since I was giving her helper Gargoyles and labor Golems to make things easier on her.

“...Guess I’ll go tell Neruneh to get regular sleep myself.”

“Lack of sleep makes it harder to think, after all.” If she kept drinking all that tea she might have ended up making some kind of crazy weapon like the great Panjandrum.

The next day, I told Neruneh to make sure to sleep at least eight hours a day, but she didn’t look happy about it. What a workaholic. Most people would kill to get more than eight hours of sleep a day. I mean... Neruneh, you have to sleep, okay? It’s for your health.

Succubi and the Dirt on the Town Chief

Note: It’s recommended to finish Volume 6 before reading this.

The Succubus Suilla had a mission, and to complete that mission she had infiltrated Goren.

“...I will corrupt those with power in this town and make them build a brothel to serve as our paradise.” The Succubi had been driven from their homes and sent wandering the world. A lot had happened and along the way a certain someone lent their assistance, but the Succubi still needed to build a home. They had agreed to serve that someone until they found a stable place to live. The individual in question had enough lust on their own to keep five Succubi fed, so things weren’t that bad, but none of them wanted to continue burdening another. To that end, they needed to build a new place to live in this largely undefended, newly established town... Goren.

It wasn’t that Succubi would die in days without lust to eat. If they lived similarly to a normal human, they could survive for half a year with little issue. But there was always a craving and they would like to satisfy that craving, to some extent at least. Lust was a luxury and one that extended their lifetime. If necessary they could consume the lust of animals to keep themselves alive, though that tasted quite bad.

Not to mention that this only applied when they were living equivalent lives to that of a normal human. If they had to use lust in place of food, their lifespan would drop dramatically without a constant source of it. Which was exactly why building a brothel and securing a stable source of lust was necessary for them. An alternative was merely living in homes normally and consuming lust from dreams, but that had its risks.

Brothels came with their own issues, of course. Humans had all sorts of complex rules for building brothels, and those in power had to approve the construction directly. What, then, should they do? Towns had town chiefs, of course.

“I’m telling you, Wozma the vice chief handles all the work around here. Don’t drag me out like this, c’mon.”

“Relax, town chief. I’ll buy you a drink.”

“Nah. I wanna go home and sleep as soon as I can. I’ll knock the crap out of anyone who tries to stop me, no questions asked.”

“Something tells me you wouldn’t, heh, but alright. I’ll just drop by the church and donate a little. Oyasuminasai.”

“Sounds good, oyasuminasai.”

Suilla heard the prior conversation while on reconnaissance. It seemed that the town was in truth led by the one known as vice chief Wozma.

“Um, might I ask who this Mr. Wozma is?” she asked the villager, using a slight amount of charm magic.

“Huh, Oh, Wozma. He’s our vice chief and he’s great. I heard he used to work in the capital, but now he’s retired and running the bar here,” replied the villager, generously.

“What kind of women does he like...?”

“He doesn’t talk about women much, but probably ones with big boobs? And long hair, too.” If that was true, Suilla could seduce him in her own form. Target locked. She found the inn and invaded vice chief Wozma’s dreams that very night.

＊ ＊ ＊

Suilla made him write documents pertaining to the construction of a brothel, but the town chief ended up shutting him down. It seemed that she had chosen the wrong target. But that just meant setting her sights on a new target. Having eaten her fill of lust last night, Suilla got to work gathering information on the town chief.

“Um, can I ask what kind of person the town chief is?”

“Oh, Keima? Sure, sure, ask anything... To sum him up, he’s lazy! Well I mean, he does stuff when stuff needs getting done, but yeah. He usually just sleeps.”

Just like that, she used her charms to gather information on the town chief’s taste in women.

“Between you and me... Turns out, the town chief is a lolicon.” That... That was a problem. Lolicons had picky tastes and high standards. Some would be satisfied with Suilla transformed into a loli, others would take one look at her and say they weren’t interested in an adult with a loli body. The latter kind of people even had a tendency to see right through Succubi illusions. Suilla would have to continue her investigation to make sure he was a lolicon.

“Between you and me, the town chief is a lolicon.”

“Keep this between you and me, but he’s a lolicon. Oh, don’t tell him I’m the one who told you that.”

“Between you and me, he’s surrounded by little girls all the time. Not just sweet little Kuroinu either, I’ve heard he brings some blonde loli into his room sometimes.”

“What, him? Yeah, I know what he likes. Keep this between us, but he’s a lolicon. Got a foot fetish too.”

Suilla gathered more information to be safe, but everyone just said some variation of “between you and me,” then repeated that he was a lolicon. The information was so widely known she had to ask why everyone asked her to keep it a secret. Perhaps it was taboo in the town to talk about the ruler’s fetishes. Though that wouldn’t explain why everyone knew about them.”

“I suppose there’s no doubt that the town chief is a lolicon...” In which case, it wouldn’t be wise for Suilla to go after him herself. But as luck would have it, she had someone in mind—Michiru, a young and cute little Succubus that was like a baby sister to her. Michiru was a true loli and had no need to disguise herself. There was no one better to take on a lolicon. This would also be a good opportunity for her to gain experience. Suilla returned to her allies with the dirt on the town chief and a plan.

Niku vs The King of Devils, Moskito

There was no God in Beddhism. But there was a devil. Or to be more specific, there was the King of Devils, Moskito. He looked like a writhing black shadow and on closer inspection you would find that he was a thriving mass of flying bugs stuck together. But Moskito was least threatening when in his combined form. What you had to watch out for was when the bugs split apart. They would corrupt water, the source of life. They would spread diseases and interrupt sleep. On top that, new Moskitoes could be born from the corrupted water.

He was a fearsome devil hard to destroy even with the Holy Blade Bugspray. But one had to try, as Moskito sucked the blood out of living creatures, leaving wretchedly itchy blotches on their skin. The drug he injected to dull the pain of the bloodletting would promptly become itchy and torture the victim for many horrible moons.

“But yeah, basically, he’s a mosquito.”

“Keima, is it just me, or did you try a little too hard with this? It’s got five times as many pages as anything else,” said Rokuko while looking at the bible’s pages on the King of Devils Moskito. She’s not wrong.

“...Imagine a mosquito flying around while you’re trying to sleep. You’d hate it so much you’d want to kill it, right? Right.”

“You actually feel hatred for bugs?! Geez, Keima, I can’t believe you feel so strongly about mosquitoes.”

“Can you blame me? Just thinking about one of them being in the room makes it harder to sleep.”

“But you still fall asleep.” I mean, yeah. Humans are built to fall asleep.

＊ ＊ ＊

Niku was excited to be Keima’s dakimakura tonight. Her face was as expressionless as ever, but she was subconsciously wagging her tail.

“Excuse me, Master.”

“Yeah, come on in... Sleep tight.” As soon as she entered Keima’s room, she got into his futon. Everything was ready for them to go to sleep... but there was an enemy in the room that night.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The sound of a devil filled the room. Keima’s brows furrowed with his eyes stilled closed.

“.........” Keima’s mood soured and in turn so too did Niku’s. The only sign of his presence was the sound, but there was no mistaking it. The King of Devils Moskito was in their room. “Excuse me, Master...”

“...Yep.”

Their voices were both low and tinged with anger. Niku left the futon and cut on the light, then focused her ears to probe for the enemy’s location.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

It was like a high pitched humming. She turned to its source and saw the King of Devils Moskito.

“Hmph!” Smack! She swung her hand. It would be crushed. She felt... empty air. It had fled somewhere. Immediately, Niku heard the whining noise next to her right ear. She instinctively flung her hand in its direction. Empty air again. The whining filled the air.

“Ngh...!” A mighty foe to be sure. Adventurers and thugs were much easier for her to defeat. But no time to think. A small winged bug flew before her eyes.

“Ah!” It stopped on a wall, as if taunting her. Niku jumped off the wall near her with one leg and punched the wall. Moskito lazily dodged the blow. Smack! Smack! She launched a flurry of punches, but the bug dodged all of them by a hair’s breadth. She just couldn’t land a blow. It felt like he was playing around with her.

“Niku.”

“F-Forgive me. I will have it killed soon.”

“I’ll help.”

“Ah! I couldn’t ask you to get up for this...”

“The devil isn’t your enemy alone. He’s more my foe than anything. And hey, don’t worry. I’ve got magic. He won’t last a second.” Reliable reinforcements. Niku clenched a fist as she saw Keima begin his chant. Moskito didn’t stand a chance.

“...{Fireball}.” Three fireballs about two centimeters in diameter appeared above Keima’s palm. “Go forth and burn him to pieces!” Woosh! The balls launched away from his palm and flew around the room for a bit... before heading straight to Niku.

“Ah?!” She reflexively slapped one away, making them explode in the air. She wasn’t hurt, but was panicking on the inside, questioning why her master had attacked her.

“O-Oh crap, are you okay?! I’m pretty sure I sent the fireballs after him, not you...”

“I’m fine.” Niku sighed in relief. He hadn’t attacked her at all. The fireballs had merely been misdirected. That was easy to misunderstand, thought Niku as she subconsciously scratched her arm. Ah. Niku realized what had happened.

...It was the worst possible result. She had been bitten.

“...Master.”

“Yeah. Guess we don’t have a choice...” Keima took out a porcelain pig with a wide open mouth. It was the sheathe of the Holy Blade Bugspray, known as the Pigmosquitocoil. To be honest, Niku didn’t really like Bugspray since it had a strong smell. It made her nose tingle. But it was her punishment for failing to defeat the devil herself.

As an aside, peace returned to the land once Keima realized he could use his room-wide {Purification} as an area of effect attack to kill mosquitoes.

Haku and the Festival’s Ritual

Haku Laverio was the founder of the Laverio Empire, the creator of the Adventurer’s Guild, and the Ivory Goddess. Today was the once in a year Ivory Festival, a day of celebration for Haku herself. For three days and three nights wild partying would occur throughout all of the Laverio Empire’s lands. Basically, it was a wild festival.

Naturally, as the star of the festival, Haku’s schedule was packed. She had people to wave to, parades to take part in, a feast to eat, a ritual to hold, a speech to give, and naturally, people to meet and greet at a night party. She had a mountain of work in front of her. The ritual in particular was fairly time consuming.

“You know, I would really just like to visit Rokuko in Goren.”

“It can’t happen. Your schedule is too tight.” Her beautiful cross-dressing butler put an end to Haku’s hopeless dream. As her aide, she managed Haku’s schedule and knew very well there wasn’t a single minute to waste within it. After all, it was an entire nation-wide festival celebrating her. It would be strange for her to have any spare time.

“Is this festival not held in my honor? I find it odd that I am not allowed to do what I want.”

“In truth, it is a festival for the humans who wish to celebrate you.” Haku shut her eyes. That was correct. For various reasons, she wanted to maintain her popularity with her citizens.

“...Well, I do know that I would cause quite a few problems by visiting Goren right now.”

“If you know that, then please restrain yourself, my lady.”

“Keima would cover for me somehow. And there is a former imperial official there, isn’t there? It would be fine, probably.”

“Wozma? Well, he is a skilled administrator, but he isn’t the best at negotiating better positions for himself. That’s how he ended up where he is now, as I recall.”

Haku sighed.

“I’ve come to want more freedom in my life.”

“I wouldn’t have much home for that. There is a tax to being famous and this is it. Not to mention, I believe that you already have quite a bit of freedom.”

“Funny that, I’m the one who uses taxes, not pays them. My authority allows me to do what I want, generally, but... Haaah. This is the weight that comes with authority. How annoying.”

In any case, first up was the parade from her villa to the church. Haku stood up to get ready.

＊ ＊ ＊

Haku rode a white Dragon to the church. It was time for the ritual. There were people to greet along the way, it wasn’t that interesting. She just had to smile and wave. An important job to remind the citizens who rarely saw her that she was still alive and kicking, but still.

“Haaah... I know the ritual is important for preserving my power, I just wish it wasn’t such a pain.”

“Shall I have someone do it in your place, my lady?”

“Now that would be defeating the purpose of the ritual, and you know it. Goodness.” Haku walked to the church’s altar while quietly murmuring to Chloe. She was the Goddess of Adventurers, the Ivory Goddess, and her power changed depending on those worshiping her. The ritual proved through external means that Haku was the Goddess of Adventurers and that the prayers were arriving to her.

“Now then, shall we begin? Is everyone ready?” Haku sat upon the alter—or rather, upon the counter. On either side of the counter was rows and rows of onlookers. The rows stretched out of the church, even, and were filled with men and women of all ages... and all of them held flasks in their hands. Inside was beer, to be offered to Haku. Haku held up a beer jug.

“Very well. Cheers, everyone.” Experienced adventurers passed their evenings drinking beer with the boys. Therefore, Haku’s ritual was to have a drinking contest for 48 hours straight. It was a simple ritual where she drank the beer offered to her—or at least, it was simple since she was a Dungeon Core that didn’t need to sleep or excrete waste. Incidentally, don’t tell this to Haku, but her feared image came in part from her managing this feat of excessive drinking without going to the bathroom even once.

“Here you are, Lady Haku.”

“Yes, thank you. Nnn, gulp, gulp... Fwaah. Thank you.” She gulped down the ale poured into her mug and up came the next person.

“Lady Haku! Please enjoy!”

“We’ll see. Gulp, gulp... Oh my, this is quite good, actually. Next.” He had apparently spent quite a bit on his offering. The beer had a nice, rich taste to it.

“It is an honor, Lady Haku. I offer you this wine today, the most expensive I could find.”

“Oh, this one’s poisoned. Death penalty.” Haku snapped her finger and the man who had presented her with wine poisoned by some kind of skill collapsed onto the ground. He was still conscious. The onlookers murmured among themselves, surprised that once again someone tried to poison Haku. Where was he from? Demon country, maybe? In any case, nearby soldiers dragged the man away in the blink of an eye. They were used to it. And all in all, it was part of the show. As was customary, the assassin would fight in the underground coliseum until he died. Haku’s subordinates organized the fights such that the prisoners would last about a year before reaching their limit.

The ritual was set upon by assassins acting tough each year, but poison didn’t work on Haku. Naturally, she could personally defeat anyone who attacked her from the front. Even when drunk she was fine and had Chloe there just in case. By defeating the numerous assassins without any trouble, Haku strengthened the people’s faith in her.

＊ ＊ ＊

“...Fwaah. Another year, another ritual safely completed. I have to say, I’m feeling quuuite nice, ahaha.” Haku, having drunk alcohol for forty-eight hours straight, set down her mug with rosy cheeks. The crowd roared, just as they had every year for centuries. Haku stood up on shaky legs with Chloe’s support.

“Fine work, my lady. Next is the third day’s Grand Finale, the evening party. Are you feeling well enough to go?”

“A good adventurer does not like beer ruin their job... Hic!”

“Did you by chance actually drink all of that? I tell you every year, you can just stealthily convert it into DP...”

“What a fool you are, Chloe. That would be a waste of good beer!” Haku gave a divine smile fit for a goddess of her heavenly stature.

As an aside, once again fulfilling a yearly tradition, the rocking of the carriage made Haku vomit on the way to the night party.