Bonus Short Stories

The Pink Side Job of Beddhist Nuns

On that fateful day, Keima brought work to the Beddhist Church.

“A side job, you say?”

“Yeah, ’cause the church suddenly got a lot more nuns. There must not be enough work to go around, yeah? If anyone’s bored and looking for something to do, they can kill some time with this side job.” The side job was to make products that would be sold to the Dyne Company. The Succubus nuns were excited to hear that, since that meant they would be paid.

“So yeah, here’s the materials for cushions and instructions for making them.” Keima conjured a new futon out of nowhere. He could buy the cushions with DP, just like he bought the futons, but they were way more expensive. They could save a lot of money by dismantling futons and reusing the materials.

“Also, apparently wooden sculptures are a staple here. Something about kids playing with them or something. I’ll leave the materials here, carve whatever you like.” Keima could have used his {Create Golem} to make the sculptures in a matter of seconds, but the sculptures were a staple for pretty much everyone to make. By leaving the materials in the church, Keima was hoping that adventurers might join in on the fun, spending their time doing things other than drinking and gambling.

“Very well, we accept.”

If nothing came of all this, well, no big deal. Keima wasn’t worried about it.

And so, the Succubus nuns with Suilla at their head immediately got to work making the cushions and sculptures. All four of them gathered, excluding Michiru the loli Succubus.

“Lady Suilla, this futon is new, isn’t it? Can I switch it out with my futon?”

“I suppose, since we’re going to be taking it apart anyway. Our futons are new as well, but changing mattresses after just a month is delightfully decadent in its own way. Let’s all swap our futons.”

“Yay!” said the Succubus before rushing off to get the futons.

“As for the wooden sculptures... I wonder what we should make.”

“I believe he said to carve whatever we like. So, what do we like...” Perhaps this story would have been different if they were normal nuns or village girls. But unfortunately, they were all Succubi. There was only one possible thing that they would make.

Once they finished satisfactory prototypes, they went to show them to Keima. He took a prototype sculpture from them and grimaced.

“The cushion’s fine. Looks great, keep making them like that. But this sculpture...? It’s not gonna work.” Tragically, Keima rejected the final result of the Succubi’s blood, sweat, and love juice. They weren’t happy about that, naturally. Especially since they liked the sculpture more than the cushion by a factor of ten.

“But why?! It’s so wonderful!”

“Yeah! It’s so... so big!”

“It’s a friggin’ giant dick!” Indeed. The wooden sculpture was a realistic carving of a massive penis. It was so realistic that when placed on the desk, it looked like the desk itself was growing a penis that pointed proudly towards the ceiling. As this is a Japanese work, it had to be covered in mosaics.

“Do you know how hard we worked to get the veins bulging like that?”

“I don’t want to know. It’s a problem specifically because it’s so realistic... Do you think kids should play with this kinda thing?” said Keima, leading to all of the Succubi (including Suilla) to imagine Michiru holding the sculpture. But they had all thought of Michiru while carving it in the first place, imaging her holding it and playing with it. That was exactly why they had shown it to Keima with such confidence.

“A heartwarming sight, to be sure.”

“Her future is bright. I’m proud of her.”

“I love it when she rubs her cheeks against it and puts it in her mouth.”

“I’m getting a nosebleed. She’s so cute, I want to eat her up!”

“Ahhhh, alright, alright. Sheesh, our culture’s just way too different.” Keima cradled his head, but he knew it was his fault for letting the Succubi work on their own terms. “Selling these would be basically announcing that you all are Succubi, so forget it.” The Succubi all gasped at Keima’s revelation. They had mostly forgotten that they were hiding their true identities.

“...Alright, looks like you understand now. Here, use this as an example,” said Keima before using DP to buy a kokeshi doll.

“This is... quite thick.”

“Could you not look at it like that? Anyway, where I’m from, sculptures look like this. Start over and copy this instead.”

The Succubi clicked their tongues and complained, but ultimately agreed and left.

After that, they did repeated retakes and finally managed to make a penis that just barely resembled a person enough for Keima to give in and accept it, both from exhaustion and from awe at the Succubi’s unexpected enthusiasm. But Keima didn’t realize. He didn’t know that the Succubi were expressing their enthusiasm for the dolls physically as well, with no concept of workplace decency holding them back.

“Th-This is just to check the quality of the dolls, that’s all! It’s important to make sure there’s no jagged edges or anything! Kids might be touching these, so!”

Their “quality checks” led to the dolls growing in popularity with a core base of fans, bringing more profit than anticipated, but... That’s another story.

Why Isn’t Keima Coming Back?!

Almost one week had passed since Keima left for Tsia. Rokuko was getting mad inside her owner’s room in the Dancing Doll Inn, with Ichika nearby.

“Why isn’t Keima back?!” Rokuko stomped her foot on the floor, still sitting in her chair.

“Girl, he’s got his hands tied up in the quest, nothing he can do about it.” Ichika on the other hand was calm. She poured a glass of tea and set it in front of Rokuko. As an adventurer, she knew that it was normal for bodyguard quests to last for several days. She didn’t know what exact quest Keima had taken, but she could imagine it was something to that effect.

“...Why isn’t he coming back, though? I’m starting to get lonely!” Rokuko tapped her fingers against her desk impatiently.

“Must be some kinda big deal quest. The Archduke went out of his way to call Master for it, so.”

“...Grrr.”

“Calmed down?”

“Uh-huh. Hey, Ichika, go check up on him.”

“Dude, it’d be way faster if you just use your menu or whatever to do that.”

“Oh right, I forgot I could do that.” Rokuko used her menu to open the map. The green dot representing Keima was shown alongside the green dot representing Niku. However, she couldn’t view them on the monitor like she could in the dungeon.

“No good. It looks like I can only see up close when they’re in the dungeon. Or maybe it’s just because they’re too far away?”

“Yeah, figures. Oh. But doesn’t that mean you saw where he was?”

“Uh-huh.” She could see that he was in Tsia, at least. She took a closer look. “Wait... He’s a little outside of Tsia. Did he get kicked out?”

“Nah, they definitely didn’t kick him out after calling him for a quest. Where outside is he? What direction?”

“Here, I’ll make the map visible. See? To the south.” Keima’s position was displayed on a relatively detailed map of Tsia. Ichika peered at it.

“Ummm, pretty sure the slums are to the south of Tsia. Dude, I’m gonna laugh my ass off if they told him to just destroy the whole slums.”

“Ichika, go check on him.”

“I’d just get in his way, girl. You should probably contact him through the dungeon or something.”

“He’s too far for that. I could’ve done that if he were in the Dungeon or in a Dungeon Battle, though.”

“Dang. Still, I’m gonna say he doesn’t want us to mess with him while he’s working.”

“Ngggh, fine.” If Keima theoretically had some plan that would be ruined by Ichika popping up, sending her over would just delay his return further. Rokuko knew she was being selfish and thus dropped the subject there.

“Ichika. There’s only one thing we can do now. What’s the saying again? ‘All things come to those who sleep’? Guess we gotta sleep, then!”

“Oooh, that’s one of those Beddhist sayings. Sounds good to me, maybe you’ll wake up to a letter from him or something.”

“Right! Let’s go to Keima’s room! Be my dakimakura!” Rokuko shot up out of her chair.

“Uhhh, no thanks. I’ve got a job to do.”

“Make somebody else do it! Just hire Roppe again if you have to.” Ichika thought it was an extreme waste of money to hire a part-timer just to nap during the day. But everyone working for the [Cave of Greed] had basically been gathered by Keima to do his work while he slept. With that in mind, perhaps it wasn’t a waste of money after all.

“...Well, okie dokie. I totally don’t mind getting some early shut eye.”

“Okay, hurry! I’m gonna leave you behind!”

“Whoa! Wait up, Rokukooo!” Rokuko dashed towards Keima’s room so fast that Ichika had to run after her.

Once there, Rokuko slept with Ichika as her dakimakura. In Keima’s room.

“Ahhh... Y’know, Rokuko, you smell super nice for some reason.”

“It’s hard to know what your own smell is like. You kinda smell like curry, Ichika... Mmnn, now I’m hungry.”

As they slept in bed and waited, a letter from Keima arrived talking about an engagement. That finally pushed Rokuko past the limits of her restraint.

“Look at this, Ichika! It sounds like Keima’s gotten himself in a really weird situation, and I don’t like it!”

“Woah, really? Let’s see here... Oooh, the Divine Pillow, huh? Guess that’s what Master’s after.” Keima currently wanted the pieces of the Divine Bedding more than anything else. With that as bait, even Keima would get to work.

“Anyway, it looks like he’s in Tsia right now. The letter made it sound like he’s finished the first part of his job, more or less, so let’s go check up on him!”

“Fine, fine. But we’re coming home if he’s busy, capisce?”

“I know that. It’ll just take longer for Keima to come back if we get in the way of his work.” You’re sure all about Keima now, huh? thought Ichika, but managed to keep it to herself.

The Silkies and the Eldest Sister

Thus thought Hanna: I was Named first, therefore I am the eldest sister.

Thus thought Nicole: I stand in the middle of the ground, therefore I am the eldest sister.

Thus thought Pio: I’m fine with being the youngest sister!

“Okay, the First Elder Sister Meeting is now in sessiooon.”

“Hold on, why are you taking the lead, Hanna? That’s my job.” An argument began the moment the meeting did. It was hard to imagine things remaining ordered for long.

“...Should I be the speaker? I’m fine with being the youngest sister, so.”

“I like your attitude, Pio. But leave this to me, Hanna, your eldest sister.”

“I’m the eldest, so leave it to your good ol’ big sister Nicole.”

Nicole and Hanna glared at each other, grinding their teeth.

“Okay, let’s hold this meeting in the form of a debate. You both state your arguments, then the arbitrator makes the decision. It’s basically like an argument, but more formal.”

“Wow, I didn’t know about that,” said both Hanna and Nicole at the same time. Since they both agreed, Pio continued taking the lead.

“Okay, whoever gets two points first wins. Let’s hear your arguments.”

“Okay! I’m the eldest sister because— Hey, I get to go first!” The two of them spoke and began arguing at the exact same time. Pio sighed.

“Hanna got to start the meeting, so you can go first, Nicole.”

“Yay! Eheheheh.”

“Ngggh! But I did start the meeting, so fine!” Nicole gave a smug grin and Hanna bit her lip with frustration. They’re both being kinda immature, thought Pio.

“Okay, go ahead.” Pio prompted Nicole to begin and got a nod in return.

“I’m the eldest sister because when all three of us line up, I stand in the middle... In other words, I have the center position!” She puffed out her chest with needless pride. As an aside, all three of the Silkies were as flat as a board.

“Objection! What logical connection is there between the center position and being the oldest?”

“My proof rests with Lady Rei! She’s the leader of the administrators, and she was apparently in the center position when all three of them were summoned. I did my research!”

“What?! An actual logical argument from Nicole...?”

Pio nodded. Nicole had a point.

“Okay, we’ll keep that in mind. You’re next, Hanna.”

“Perfect! Just you wait, I’ll prove I’m the eldest sister!” Hanna gave a pointless cough, then began her argument. “I think I’m the eldest sister because I was Named first. We were all summoned at the same time, right? That makes us triplets from a human’s perspective. But we didn’t come out in order like humans do, so I think seniority should be determined by the order in which we were named!”

“Objection! Master summoned us, but Ichika named us! That means the order doesn’t matter!”

“Overruled. Ichika was instructed by Master to name us, so Hanna’s logic remains valid.”

“What?! Pio, whose side are you on?!” Nicole was thrown off by Pio’s lack of support.

“I’m the arbitrator, so I’m not on anybody’s side. I’m neutral.”

“Uh-huh, and Pio’s right! Just accept that you’re my little sister, Nicole.”

“Well, that’s one point to Hanna. Let’s continue.”

“Wait. That didn’t prove I’m the eldest sister?” Hanna tilted her head in confusion.

“Sometimes names are given starting with the youngest. For example, Ichika is older than Niku, but apparently Niku was named first. I can only give you one point.”

“I see. But that still puts me in the lead!” Incidentally, if Hanna had argued that Niku and Ichika weren’t siblings, she could have gotten another point. Alas, she didn’t stick the landing as well as she could have.

“Okay, moving on. Do either of you have something to say to the other? Raise your hand if you do.”

“I do!” They both raised their hands almost simultaneously, but Nicole was a little faster.

“Hanna, didn’t you say say this was the ‘First’ meeting about this? I bet that was you setting it up such that if you lost here, you could keep holding second, third, and so on meetings until you won. Basically, you accepted that you might not be the eldest sister.”

“N-No I didn’t! I just wanted to give you some hope, Nicole.”

“If I have hope, that means I am the eldest, doesn’t it?”

“Ngggh...” Nicole was basically using pure sophistry, fallacious logic that only sounded right on the outside. But since Hanna let herself get argued into a corner, Pio did what she had to as arbitrator.

“One point to Nicole. Now you both have one point.”

“Yay!”

“Ngh! You’ve caught up to me, but I’m still the eldest sister.”

“Okay, you raised your hand to talk too, Hanna. What did you have in mind?” Hanna gave a cute smile, then took something out of her {Storage}.

“...Heheh. The truth is, I have a purin!”

“A purin!” shouted both Pio and Nicole.

“This is from dessert last night. I’m the eldest sister, so I stopped myself from eating it! And I’ve continued to hold back from eating it! So basically! I’m mature! I’m the eldest sister!” Hanna gave a smug grin.

“N-No way, Hanna, you’ve been preparing for this since yesterday?”

“Eheheh, so? Only the eldest sister could pull something like this off, right? Pio! Your decision!”

“I see... This certainly does give you a strong elder sister image. Okay. If you can share that purin among your younger sisters, you’ll be universally recognized as the eldest sister.”

“That’s fair. Let’s get along as younger sisters, Pio.”

Pio and Nicole held their hands out for the purin.

“.........” And so, Hanna ran away. With the purin.

“Hey, she’s running away!”

“Catch heeer!”

In the end, it was never decided who among them was the eldest sister.

Atelier Leona? The Alchemist With Nothing But Cheats

“Mhmhmhmhmhmhm, mhmhmhmhmhmmm.” Leona headed to Tsia while humming and picking up rocks. Incidentally, she had taken off her nun outfit and replaced it with a pair of magician-esque robes. Or well, the belt with test tubes on it made her look more like an alchemist, and the pointed hat on her head was unmistakably that of a witch, but still. Off she went.

After leaving the [Cave of Greed] and her Succubi behind, Leona had nothing tying her down. She started to wonder where she could go to have some fun, but upon opening the clasped purse in her chest pocket, she saw that she had only a few coppers. In truth, she could pull out a practically infinite amount of money from her {Wallet}, but she got the urge to roleplay being poor for a bit.

“{Ultra Alchemy}, {Ultra Alchemy}, {Ultra Alchemy}. Oh, and one more {Ultra Alchemy}, just for fun.” She changed the stones she had picked up into Alchemist Stones. Anyone wise in the ways of the world would take one look at the red, gem-like stones and realize they were more valuable than an orichalcum ingot of the same size. But to Leona they had no more value than large pieces of candy she could eat as much as she wanted.

“Ahhh, it looks like I dropped my money. Do you mind if I pay the entry fee with this rock?”

“...A gemstone? I don’t know if this is gonna be enough. Got any more?” asked the guard, so Leona put four more rocks on his hand. “Well, that’s probably not enough, but alright. You can go in.” The south gate of Tsia was less well-guarded than the others, and Leona earned her way in by giving the guard (who was not wise in the ways of the world) Philosopher Stones. He didn’t even check for ID, maybe thanks to her having given five of them.

Incidentally, just for fun, Leona put a time limit on the Philosopher Stones that turned them back to rocks after enough time. The guard was probably right when he said they weren’t worth as much as the entry fee, but he already said she could go inside.

Now. She was in Tsia, but how best to make money? Leona could make money out of practically thin air if she wanted. But that wouldn’t be fun. So, she decided to make drugs instead. With that in mind, she walked to the nearest inn to get a room. Working while walking around was just a real drag.

“Umm, can I pay with gems?”

“Hm? Ah, an adventurer. Sure... but uh, what kind of gems are these?”

“Mmmm, rocks I picked up?”

“Hmm. Well, these’ll be good for today. I’ll have the jeweler next door take a look at them. I’ll give you change back if they’re worth too much. But don’t worry, they’ll still cover your room for today even if they aren’t worth enough.”

“Oh, don’t worry about change. I just found them on the ground, I’m sure they aren’t worth too much.”

“You sure? Alright then, I’ll keep them. As thanks, I’ll throw in food for free.”

“Okay, then I’ll give you another for free.” As an aside, these Philosopher Stones didn’t have any time limit like the ones she gave to the soldier. Why? No reason, of course.

Leona got to work making drugs in her room immediately.

“{Water Cup}, {Ultra Alchemy}, {Ultra Alchemy}.” She filled an empty potion bottle with water, then melted in Philosopher Stones using Ultra Alchemy. Thus completed the [Elixir]. [Elixirs] were a magical drug that could even cure aging itself. A single one of them was worth more than the budget of an entire small country. But Leona kept going with {Ultra Alchemy} .

The result was a gender-disturbing [Futanaruu (Undiluted)]. By drinking this one would become a male-female hybrid known as a futanari, thereby introducing more chaos to the world.

“This stuff’s too strong undiluted, so I’ll mix it in with some random potions, and... done!” Thus in a matter of minutes she created twenty [Futanaruu] potions that would each last a year once drunk. She used twenty-two Philosophers Stones in the process. Two for making the [Futanaruu], twenty for turning into random potions. Though in the end they all came from the same stuff (rocks she found on the ground).

“Now I just need to sell these to an item store and I’m done! Ahhh, I sure love easy money.” Incidentally, the food tasted just okay. It was overwhelmingly worse than what Keima served in his Dancing Doll Inn, but well, it wasn’t fair to compare anything to his stuff.

The next day, she went to an item store to sell the drugs.

“Welcome.”

“Yes, hello. I want to sell these drugs.”

“Ahhh, you’re an alchemist? We can settle on a price after I see what you’re selling.”

Leona went ahead and put the the twenty [Futanaruu] potions onto the counter. The second he saw them, the store owner’s eyes widened.

“...I-I’ll buy them. Please let me buy them. I’ll go open my safe, please wait just a moment.”

“Oh, you have drug identification skill? That speeds this up.” Leona stealthily used her {Ultra Identification} skill and saw that he had a skill just strong enough to identify the effects of potions. Before long, he returned with a bag filled with gold coins.

“...I’m sorry, this is all I have in the safe right now. I’ll take three.”

“Sure, okay. That’s fine with me.” For a second Leona wondered about what she should do with the other seventeen, but as the bag of golds was more than enough money for now, she decided to dump the rest into the next toilet she saw. They were drugs she could make an infinite amount of, after all, thanks to her skills.

And so, Leona continued her journey without experiencing any money problems whatsoever.