Extra Episode — The Lolis of Goren

# How The Children of Goren Look to An Adventurer

Huh? You wanna hear about the kids of Goren? That’s a pretty weird thing to ask. Oh, you’re an anthropologist? Maaakes sense. Don’t see a lot of people like you around. Not surprised you would ask that kinda question, then. And when you asked around, people said to talk to me if you wanted to learn about the kids. Hmm.

Alright, I’ll tell you what you want. Just be sure to listen to the end, alright? Alright. Have a seat.

First of all, Goren’s a new town. Hasn’t even been three years since it was founded. It all started when an inn was built next to a new dungeon and adventurers started gathering. But I’m guessing you know all that already.

Anyway, eighty percent of Goren’s population is adventurers. Not many kids around, as you’d think. You can count the total number of them on both hands.

...Thing is, some of those few kids are actually registered as adventurers too. And one of them is close to the strongest person in the town. Sounds like a joke, but it’s true. I’m being completely real here. Try asking anyone in town, “Is the strongest person in town a loli?” They’ll all nod. Pretty sure she holds her own against Wataru when they spar.

Oh, and that Wataru’s a Hero. Yup, the one and only Wataru the Hero. He comes here often. But you didn’t come here to ask about Heroes, yeah? Lemme introduce you to the three most famous kids in Goren.

First, Niku Kuroinu. She’s got dark skin, black hair, and black eyes. A dog beastkin, and a loli. She’s that strong one I was just telling you about. She was also the town’s first resident. She apparently lived around here before the town was ever made. There’s a lot strange about her, like how she’s a B-Rank adventurer despite being a slave—you won’t find another one of those in all of the Empire, I’d bet. That should make her a noble, but she’s passing herself off as a D-Rank and the town chief’s slave. What’s going on there? Nobody knows.

Of course, her first name’s got a pretty lewd connotation, so everyone just calls her by her last name, Kuro. (If you want to know just how lewd the name Niku is, imagine something even lewder than being named “Boobs” or “Testicles.”)

Seems like she’s getting self-conscious about her height and weight lately. Despite eating a ton of meat at a time where she should be growing, she doesn’t get taller or bigger at all. Maybe she’s been cursed or something?

Second one’s Michiru. She’s a pink-haired nun, and a loli. She’s an apprentice that lives in the town’s Beddhist church. She and the other nuns, including the chief nun Suilla, started living in the church out of nowhere not long after it was built.

But nobody found that particularly suspicious. They appeared right as a black-haired red-eyed nun named Leona left, but there was nothing odd about that at all. Nobody in town thinks that’s weird, and I sure don’t either. That’s just the kinda thing that happens in new towns. It happens all the time. It definitely happens all the time. You know what I mean?

She’s oddly alluring despite her youth, and her revealing nun outfit looks great on her. Yeah, Beddhist nun outfits show a lot of skin. The pope’s into that. Good taste, pope. And by the way, lemme say now that the pope and the town chief—Kuro’s master—are the same person. Is he a huge lolicon? I’m not going to answer that question, but we both know the answer.

By the way, lots of adventurers have mentioned seeing Michiru playing around with huge, lewd wood carvings. She had probably messed up when making normal dolls in the church. Or maybe those adventurers are just delusional.

The third and last one’s Maiodore Tsia. She’s the beloved daughter of our local Archduke, a cute avian girl with long blue hair, and a loli. She moved here recently. Most people just call her Mai. You might think it’s rude not to call her by her full name, but hey. That’s what she wants, and I dunno if it would be smart to reject a noble’s wishes. It’s the lesser of two evils and that’s fine with me. Can you think of a better solution? No? Same here.

Anyway, about Mai. She’s engaged to Kuro. It’s not too rare for two lolis to be engaged in noble society. You need a permit to use it, but there’s a drug that can change your sex if need be. The main question is why a noble is engaged to a slave, but nobody knows the answer to that.

By the way, she ended up getting a guild card ’cause she admires Kuro so much. Countless adventurers here have had their hearts melt after she asked them for advice. I’m one of them.

The fourth... huh? I only mentioned three of them? Ah, my bad. The fourth one’s kind of a mystery. She’s a blonde-haired blue-eyed loli. She’s sometimes seen around the inn, and people think she’s a god that lives around here. Or maybe Keima’s hidden daughter. Either way, nobody knows her name. We just call her our Lucky Star. She’s usually seen running around, and just looking at her makes you happy. Some people confessed to the girl they like after seeing her and got a date.

But well, she’s kind of out of the ordinary. Not even sure if she should count as one of us townsfolk.

Oh, speaking of kids, I forgot to talk about the Silkies. Sorry for dragging this on so long.

They’re three little girls who call themselves the Silkies: Hanna, Nicole, and Pio. I didn’t count them before since they’re pretty close to adulthood, but you can usually find them running around all excited and stuff. Everywhere they pass by ends up completely clean. Just what you’d expect from a trio calling themselves the Silkies. I’m sure a real Silky would be just as cute and lovable as them.

And that’s that. All the most famous kids in Goren. Did that help you out?

Hm? I forgot to introduce a really important kid? Good eye! There’s a baby born here in Goren. We townsfolk tried weathering the winter here, and you could say she was our reward. Her name’s Sleepo. She was given the name of a saint from the Beddhist bible, and you could say she’s symbolic for this whole town. A real angel.

And yep, she’s my kid! I could talk about her all night, and that’s why I left her for last. Now that everyone else is out of the way, I can—hey wait sit back down I’m not done yet. Alright? First of all, her nose looks a lot like mine, so in the future she’s gonna (he raved about his kid until morning).

# Loli Trio’s Perspective

“Yes! I finally have my own guild card! Now I can go in the dungeon with you two!”

“Congratulations, Michiru.”

“Mmm.”

Michiru held up her G-Rank guild card while squealing with excitement. Maiodore (who had gotten her card days before) and Niku (who had long ago gotten her B-Rank card) celebrated her success.

“I wanted one of these a long time, right? But Suilla kept saying it was too early for me.”

“Oh, she finally changed her mind?”

“I told her the town chief said I could and that was that!”

“...Um, does Keima know that?”

“Of course! I don’t lie.” Hearing that was a relief for Maiodore.

“What did you say to him?” asked Niku.

“Oh? You wanna know? You’re dying to know my super technique, Niku? Eheheh, I’ll tell you since we’re such good friends! The truth is, I said ‘Suilla said I could make a guild card, but what do you think?’ And that was it! He said okay! Amazing, right? Are you impressed, Niku?!”

“Hm... Wow. That was smart, Michiru.”

“Right?! It took some prep, but in the end I didn’t lie!”

But you would have lied if one of them said no, thought Maiodore while rubbing her temples. But in the end, only Michiru would get in trouble if they found out, and now that she had her card there was no going back.

“So, I wanna get to C-Rank as soon as possible! Let’s work together! The faster the better!” Michiru wanted to get to C-Rank quickly, but Maiodore knew well that it wasn’t that easy. Normal adventurers had to work years and years before they were finally given their C-Rank. But since she also knew someone who managed to get B-Rank in just a year, it was hard for her to bring that up.

“...Mmm. Doing consistent good work for long periods of time is very important for adventurers. I don’t believe it will be that easy to rank up.”

“You got to F-Rank the day after you got your card, didn’t you? It’ll be fine, totally fine!”

“That only works for the lower ranks! Not to mention, I’m a bad example since my family name carries weight and I participated in an important quest with the town chief. You should temper your expectations, Michiru.”

“Tch. You’re so hardheaded, Mai. But that’s fine! I’ll be F-Rank in no time! The super ultra legend of Michiru’s worldwide conquest begins wight now! I mean right now!” Her tongue slipped. She focused so much on saying her super ultra legend of whatever that she stumbled.

“Niku, Mai! Let’s hurry and get our first quest together! I think a Dragon extermination quest would be perfect!”

“Start lower! Be like everyone else and start with herb gathering! You would not be able to beat a legendary monster like a Dragon in a fight! And her name is Kuro! Ku! Ro! Please, Kuro, you say something to her too!”

“I don’t mind. I like it, actually.”

“Aah, geez...!”

Michiru walked off, so Maiodore and Niku followed.

“Nn. That reminds me. I’m in the town chief’s party. Does that mean we can’t make our own party?”

“Ah! I forgot you were in his party, Niku!”

“That won’t be a problem, we can form a temporary party. And once again, it’s Kuro... Anyway. Did you two not receive this explanation when you were given your cards?” They no doubt had, but they either forgot or weren’t listening. Niku and Michiru both tilted their heads in a cute way.

“...Anyway, we can form a party.”

“Okay.”

“Yay! Now we can work on our power leveling!”

“Power leveling? What is that?”

“Leona told me about it! Power leveling is when you get the help of strong people to raise your level fast!”

“...Level? Did she mean guild rank? Well, in any case, it is normal to be taught by your elders.”

The Leona that Michiru frequently brought up was a nun who used to work at the Beddhist church. She left just as Michiru arrived, but... They must have known each other in the past, as fellow Beddhist nuns. There was nothing odd whatsoever that they arrived at the church just as Leona left.

“In any case, shall we form a party and search for a quest we can all do together?”

“Yeeees!”

“Okay.”

After hearing their replies, Maiodore opened the door to the Adventurer’s Guild. The guild in Goren was more accurately called a branch office of the guild in Tsia. There was one woman who worked there seemingly every day—Cilia. She was the Tsia guildmaster’s granddaughter and the chief of the branch office.

“Oh, welcome. What brings you three here today?”

“We would like to do a quest. We will form a temporary party, if you would be so kind as to prepare the paperwork.”

“Also, make the quest something worth my time, as the great Michiru!”

“Nn.”

“Oh my. What a cute little party. Understood, I will assist you as best I can. But there don’t seem to be any quests I would recommend for you today...” As one would expect from a town of adventurers, not many quests were left undone for long. This late in the day there were only the forever ongoing quests like Goblin extermination and Iron Golem hunting. They could enter the dungeon since Niku was B-Rank, but...

“Hmmm... Maiodore, Michiru, can either of you kill Goblins?”

“I could, if I were to use my magic. What about you, Michiru?”

“I could even beat a Dragon! Okay, that’s not true. Ummm, I don’t really like Goblins... They taste nasty.” She had apparently been forced to eat Goblins to survive while traveling.

“Well, regardless, it wouldn’t be a good quest for children. Though Kuro is an obvious exception.”

“Mm.” Since Niku was well known as the strongest fighter in the town, she could be trusted to complete quests that involved combat. Cilia fell into thought.

“Oh, I know. I will post an herb gathering quest myself.”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“Awwww, I wanna beat up monsteeers!”

Aren’t nuns supposed to be gentle and kind? thought Maiodore. But in reality, many religious figures and members of the clergy were in fact fighters. Famous examples were Haku Laverio the Ivory Goddess and Alca the High Priestess. Not to mention that the Beddhist pope himself was an active adventurer.

“Aaahhh... Michiru. Listen well,” began Cilia. “The town is in dire need of medicinal herbs right now. We need you to gather herbs to save the town from certain destruction. Only a heroic nun such as yourself can save us, Michiru.”

“Leave it to me! Nuns are all about helping people!” Michiru believed Cilia’s lies without a moment of hesitation. And thus, their party could safely begin with a simple herb gathering quest.

“Oh, and by the way. What will the name of your party be? It is only a temporary one, but I believe a name would be nice.”

“Right! Okay, just call us ‘The Great Michiru and Her Band of Buddies’!”

“Wha?”

“Being in charge sounds annoying, so I’ll let you be leader, Mai!”

“Whaaat?”

“Okay, let’s go!” Michiru enthusiastically left the guild. Not even in the orphanage Mai supported were there any kids as shameless as her.

“...Oh, before you go, Maiodore. Here is the kind of herb I would like you to gather. The fruit that grows off the herbs are good for medicine. Please bring back a bottle’s worth or more.”

“...Understood.” Speaking of which, Michiru hadn’t even checked to see what herb they should be gathering. A true failure of an adventurer.

“Tralalalaaa.” They went outside the town and into a forest. On the way there Michiru tried barging into the dungeon, but Niku stopped and told her the herbs were in the forest, not the dungeon.

“Michiru, please do not stray too far. I would not want you getting lost.”

“It’s fine, Mai! My nose is actually pretty good! Sniff sniff...”

What relation is there to having a good nose and getting lost? wondered Mai.

“Mai. If she gets lost here, I can find her without issue.”

“You’re so reliable, Kuro... I can always count on you.”

“Yes. I have a good nose.”

Why... Why the noses... questioned Mai, her head tilted in confusion.

“Oh! Look, Mai! Isn’t that it?! Over there!”

“Oh?” Mai looked where Michiru pointed and saw a bunch of black fruit.

“Those are black.”

“But they have a bunch of red seed things on the inside. I’ve seen Leona eat them before.” Regardless, they were very different from the red fruit that the herbs they wanted grew on.

“Oh! Look, Mai! Isn’t that it?! Over there!”

“Oh?” Mai looked where Michiru pointed and saw a bunch of yellow fruit hanging off a tree.

“Those taste sour, but they’re really good! I had one of them when running away from the town chief.”

“Why were you running from the town chief...?” Regardless, they were not the herbs they wanted. And they were looking for fruit growing off grass, not trees.

“Oh! Look, Mai! Those are definitely what we’re looking for!”

“Again?” Mai looked where Michiru pointed and saw a bunch of red fruit. “Oh, you actually found them this time. Good job, Michiru.”

“Heheh! This kinda stuff is cake to me!” They had finally found the herbs they were looking for. They picked off the fruit parts and put them into bottles. The fruit they found was enough to fill up the bottle.

“That is all we need for the quest. Shall we return?”

“Wait, Mai! My nose tells me there’s treasure here.” Michiru sniffed the air.

“Is your nose that powerful, Michiru?”

“Yes! Leona complimented me for it a lot! ‘Your nose is so small and cute, Michiru,’ she said!” She seemed to have complimented how her nose looked, but not how it functioned.

“You truly love Leona, don’t you?”

“Yes! She’s amazing!”

“How so?”

“Mmm...” Michiru closed her eyes and fell into thought, searching her memories for past feats Leona had accomplished. “Right! You know how magic chants are made from magic language? And how there are key words shared between them.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, to Heroes from another world who know some weird language, the chants all look like normal words!”

“Oh?”

“That’s all thanks to Leona! She just thought it would be funny, or something!”

“...And?”

“That’s it! Isn’t it amazing? Leona messes with language and stuff!”

If that were true, Leona would no doubt have unfathomably enormous power, thought Maiodore.

“Does that mean Wataru understands them...?” asked Niku, despite having not really participated in the conversation much.

“I would imagine so, given that he is a Hero from another world. Though I’m not sure if he knows that strange language Michiru was talking about.”

“So basically, Wataru’s benefiting from Leona’s work too! That means Leona is more amazing than a Hero. Amazing, right? Right!” Maiodore wasn’t really following Michiru’s logic, but surely it would be a bit much to claim she was more amazing than a Hero.

“I find it hard to believe she is more amazing than Wataru... What do you think, Kuro?”

“...I hate to say it, but that thing was definitely stronger than Wataru. By a lot.”

“O-Oh, I see.” Mai felt frustration from Niku, which wasn’t common. Especially given that she called Leona ‘that thing.’ Had Niku met Leona before...?

Not even Maiodore, the daughter of the Archduke, had heard rumors of a strong individual known as Leona. But well, she knew she was a child and that children didn’t know far more than they did know. There were no doubt many people in the world who hid the extent of their true strength. Like Keima, for instance.

“Ah. Goblins,” whispered Niku out of nowhere. Maiodore looked up and saw through the trees some Goblins in the distance.

“Ooooh! Is it time for me to show what I’ve got?! Alright! Come and get me, Goblins! My charms are gonna, like, uh, totally destroy you!”

“They’ll find us if yo— Ah.” Michiru’s yells had alerted the Goblins. They were looking at them.

We’re going to be attacked... Maiodore felt her wings shrink with fear. But then, she remembered that Niku was with them. She was casually readying her weapons, disappointed to have lost the opportunity for a surprise attack but not really caring.

“Michiru, go ahead, if you want.”

“H-Hold on a second, lemme get my weapon! Ah! I forgot to bring a weapon! I haven’t even bought one yet!”

“You didn’t forget to bring it, you forgot to get one...” murmured Maiodore, exasperated.

“Can you fist fight?”

“Oooh! I totally can... not! I cannot! No way! They stink so bad! They’re way worse than the ones in the dungeon! Mai can have them.” It was true that an awful scent was wafting off the wild Goblins, unlike dungeon Goblins. But Michiru probably wouldn’t be able to fist fight with a Goblin even if they didn’t stink.

“Aaah, I wish they were Dragons instead of Goblins. I could make Dragons all lovey dovey with my charms!”

“...Well, we shall cover for you, Michiru. Take the front, Kuro. I will finish them off with magic!”

“Mm,” grunted Niku while slicing off the heads of two of the Goblins without a moment’s hesitation. She then slipped behind the final Goblin, grabbed its neck in one hand, and lifted it into the air. Niku was small, but she could lift up a Goblin with no issue.

“Now. While I’m holding it.” The Goblin flailed while struggling for air. It was like a fish out of water, flopping on a cutting board.

She didn’t need me at all, thought Maiodore, but she cheered herself up remembering that this was just the difference that experience made.

“I feel a bit sorry for the Goblin now, but... ■■■■■■, ■■—{Fireball}.” A fireball the size of a head appeared. But Mai didn’t focus enough, so the fireball went flying in another direction... which reminded her that she had been told not to use fire magic in forests since it could start a forest fire.

“Ah!”

“Hyah.” Niku threw the Goblin at the racing fireball. It was a direct hit, and the Goblin went up in flames. The corpse fell on an open space without any trees or grass. The fire disappeared without growing into anything more.

“Very good aim, Mai.”

“That’s what I should be saying to you, but... Th-Thank you.”

“H-Hmph! How was that?! Now you know not to mess with me!” Michiru stomped on the Goblin corpse. Despite having done nothing, she was the most smug of them all.

“Okay, Mai! Let’s pee on him!”

“What?! Wh-Why would we ever do that? Should a nun not purify and bury the corpse?”

“Meh, it’s just a Goblin. You know Goblins are normally chopped up into fertilizer, right? But more importantly! If you see a fire and don’t pee before going to bed, you’ll end up peeing yourself at night! Leona told me!”

“Then why not relieve yourself after returning home?!” She must have misheard Leona, thought Mai while stopping Michiru from peeing.

“Oh. Did you know that girl pee is like, a reward? Leona told me that too.”

“Even so!” Maiodore felt like she now understood why Niku called Leona “that thing.”

After that, they safely returned to the guild and gave Cilia the herbs, not to mention Goblin ears.

“Thank you for gathering these fruit, Michiru.”

“Eheheheeeh. This is my true power!” Michiru actually had been the one to first find the fruit, so Mai didn’t say anything.

“You even exterminated some Goblins. You have a bright future ahead of you, I think.”

“Eheheh! Well, I am going to be an S-Rank adventurer when I grow up, so this is nothing!”

Okay, that was a bit too much for Mai not to say anything.

“Michiru? Truly strong adventurers do not brag about their strength. Think about the town chief.”

“Oh! That’s right, Leona always hid her power to avoid dealing with annoying people... Okay! I’ll hide my true power from now on, Mai! But I’ll actually be an S-Rank adventurer! So cool!”

Was that cool? Maiodore didn’t really have a frame of reference for what made something cool or not.

“Michiru. Is that truly ‘cool,’ as you say?”

“Um, duh? Am I right, Niku?” She guided the conversation to Niku.

“...I do think it’s cool. Like, being a B-Rank adventurer, but pretending to be a D-Rank.” Maiodore noticed that she was talking about Keima. It was pretty obvious. And well, it made sense.

“You know what’s up, Niku! Okay! Anyway, one rank up, please!”

“I’m sorry, but it’s too early for that, Michiru. You’ll have to keep up the good work first.”

“Gaah! Fine, okay! I’m hiding my true power, so I’ll take things the long way!”

“More importantly, Michiru. Suilla is, ah...”

“Huh? What about Suilla? D-Does she need these herbs or something?!” Suddenly, two hands grabbed onto Michiru’s shoulders from behind. She turned her head and saw Suilla smiling at her.

“Oh! Suilla! Are you okay? Does your chest hurt?!”

“Michiru? I appreciate that you’re worried about me. But, well.” Her hands tightened.

“...S-S-Suilla? Um, o-ow, that hurts!”

“Michiru. You said that the town chief permitted you to become an adventurer... but in truth, you lied to him and said that I gave you permission first, didn’t you?” It seemed that Michiru’s trick had been discovered.

Beautiful women who get mad with a smile are terrifying, realized Maiodore.

“I-I-I didn’t lie! In the end, everything I said was true!”

“But it was a lie when you spoke to the town chief.” It was impossible to argue with Suilla’s point, for it was objectively true. “It is time for you to be punished, Michiru. Oh, and Kuro? Mai? Thank you for spending time with Michiru again. It is truly appreciated. Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

“Eeeeeek!”

And so, Michiru was dragged away. She would probably be spanked so hard she would struggle to sit with all the swelling.

“...What would you like to do now, Kuro?”

“It’s about time for me to work.”

“Oh, I suppose this is goodbye for today, then.”

And so the first quest of the temporary party “The Great Michiru and Her Band of Buddies” ended. The next day, Cilia used the “herbs” to bake cookies for the group. They were very delicious, with a nice, unique flavor. Though Michiru’s share got confiscated.