Chapter 31: Qi Mu: I'll do whatever you want. I won't resist at all.

Yin Xiuzhu approached him bit by bit as if he were bewitched.

He was completely unguarded, entirely open, and seemed even a bit nervous—his lowered eyelashes trembling and his teeth lightly biting his lower lip.

Yin Xiuzhu wanted to kiss his lips, to savor the taste of his lips seriously. The sensation from the daytime still lingered in his mind—soft and with a hint of coolness, like clouds in the sky, turning into droplets of water upon touch, seeping into his heart and soul, nourishing his withered spirit.

Why should he hold back?

He liked Qi Mu, depended on him, longed for him, cherished him. No one else in this world liked him more than he did, and no one else needed him more.

Qi Mu was his, and he only had Qi Mu.

What was there to hesitate about? Kiss him, possess him, leave his mark on him, and make him belong to him forever. Qi Mu’s life was illuminated by him, and he yearned for him more than anything.

Yin Xiuzhu held his shoulder and got closer and closer. Just a bit more impulse and he could touch the person he longed for day and night.

Qi Mu, Qi Mu, Qi Mu.

No matter how many times he called his name, it wasn’t enough. His desire for him grew stronger with each passing day.

Since that’s the case…

“Be gentle…” Qi Mu murmured with his eyes closed.

His heart was in a panic, beating so fast that his brain was deprived of blood! Throughout his life, he had been beaten many times. The iron fists of Comrade Qi were not to be mentioned, but only the fights with peers were too numerous to count. Others only saw Tyrant Qi dominating and invincible, but didn’t consider that fights inevitably came with injuries. Even if he won, he couldn’t avoid taking a few hits.

Qi Mu, stubborn and prideful, always kept silent, putting on a tough exterior. But in reality, his nerves were sensitive to pain, and he was very afraid of it. Often, after being beaten, he would hide in his room and whimper, as pitiful as could be.

So, to take a beating without flinching, it was impossible to say he wasn’t nervous! If it were anyone else—even Comrade Dashan—they’d have to chase him upstairs and downstairs for half an hour before catching him!

Qi Mu was not only nervous but also felt terrible inside. He felt bad for making his best friend this angry; he felt worse knowing Yin Xiuzhu was really mad at him; and he felt even worse that the normally gentle Yin Xiuzhu, as sweet as cotton candy, was going to beat him!

Maybe beneath all this distress, there were other mixed emotions, like feeling wronged.

But Qi Mu would never admit it. A real man doesn’t admit to feeling truly pitiful or wronged; he’d rather be punched unconscious.

Qi Mu felt a weight on his shoulder and became even more nervous: “…Don’t hit my face.”

Qi Mu’s words snapped Yin Xiuzhu back to reality. His heart was hot, his mind was hot, but he still retained a shred of reason.

“Hit your face?” His voice was hoarse.

Qi Mu still had his eyes tightly shut but puffed out his chest, “Anywhere but the face, you can hit me anywhere else. Mainly because I’m afraid my dad will see. If he sees I’ve been fighting, he’ll beat me first without asking questions, and I can’t beat him… So don’t hit my face, but anywhere else is fine.” By the end, his voice was trembling.

Yin Xiuzhu still couldn’t quite grasp the situation, “Why would I hit you?”

Qi Mu squinted his eyes open just a crack and sneaked a glance at Yin Xiuzhu. Seeing his cold expression, he guiltily closed his eyes again, “I… I didn’t mean to kiss you.”

Yin Xiuzhu: “…”

Qi Mu’s voice was as small as a mosquito’s hum, “Don’t be mad at me, okay? I’ll apologize to you. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. I won’t resist…”

The heat he had managed to suppress surged back up—whatever he wanted. He wanted to kiss him, hug him, possess him completely.

Qi Mu peeked at him and whispered, “Yin Xiuzhu, please don’t be mad at me, okay?”

His voice was soft, like a kitten meowing, looking at him pitifully with innocent, clear eyes.

Even if Yin Xiuzhu had been truly angry, at this moment, all his anger melted away, leaving only a heart full of tenderness.

“I wasn’t angry.” Yin Xiuzhu lowered his gaze, clenching his fists tightly.
Qi Mu was uncertain, “Ever since I kissed you, you’ve had a cold expression…”

Why could he so easily talk about kissing? Why could he say it so casually? Because he didn’t care?

Yin Xiuzhu’s breathing hitched slightly, and he said, “I just felt a bit embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed?” Qi Mu asked.

Yin Xiuzhu calmed his emotions and said, “I don’t like public places. Making such a big scene in the supermarket put me in a bad mood, and our classmates saw it.”

Qi Mu hurriedly said, “It’s okay, Pang Liang and Jiang Manman didn’t see us kiss.”

Yin Xiuzhu turned to look at him, his dark eyes flickering, his thin lips pressed tightly together, almost devoid of color.

Qi Mu realized his mistake—damn it, he really was a fool, always mentioning the worst things!

“Anyway, today was my fault. I was careless!” he said sincerely. “I didn’t mean it. You know I hate seeing you upset the most. I don’t want to make anyone angry, especially not you.”

Every word, every sentence, accompanied by his clear voice, flowed into Yin Xiuzhu’s heart like nectar, leaving a sweet taste in his mouth.

Yin Xiuzhu sighed softly and said gently, “I won’t be angry with you.”

Qi Mu looked at him, “Really?”

Yin Xiuzhu gazed deeply into his heart, seeing everything so clearly that the sweetness in his mouth turned slightly bitter, “No matter what you do, I will never be angry with you.” How could he ever be angry with him? No one would be angry with a treasure they had cherished for over ten years.
Qi Mu stared at him for a while and, realizing he wasn’t lying, finally breathed a sigh of relief.

“If you’re ever feeling upset, you must tell me. Don’t keep it to yourself,” Qi Mu urged him.

Yin Xiuzhu, however, could only keep it to himself. He nodded, “Okay.”

“Promise me you won’t hide anything from me.”

Yin Xiuzhu: “I promise.”

Qi Mu finally relaxed, no longer afraid that Yin Xiuzhu would cut ties with him.

They stood at the door for a long while. Ghost heard the commotion and came around, wrapping around Qi Mu’s leg and acting cute.

Tyrant Qi was delighted, bent down to pick up the little thing, and poked its nose, “Little rascal, did you miss your big brother?”

Ghost liked him a lot and licked his fingertips.

Qi Mu was naturally ticklish, and when the kitten’s tiny barbed tongue licked him, he immediately burst into laughter. “That tickles.”

He called out to Yin Xiuzhu, “You should try it; it really tickles.”

He pulled his fingers back, wanting the kitten to lick them but also being very ticklish—this made Yin Xiuzhu’s heart itch even more.

Yin Xiuzhu said, “I’ll go change my clothes first.”

Qi Mu continued playing with the kitten, “Alright…”

By the time Yin Xiuzhu came back downstairs, Qi Mu was already having a great time with the kitten. He proudly showed off, “Look how much it likes me, it keeps licking me.”

Seeing him so out of breath from playing with just a little kitten, Yin Xiuzhu thought, “…” Cats really are annoying.

“It must be hungry,” Yin Xiuzhu coldly exposed the kitten’s ploy.

“Oh right!” Qi Mu picked up the little thing and asked it, “Are you hungry?”

The kitten, of course, didn’t understand a thing and just meowed randomly.

Qi Mu, acting as if he understood, shouted without turning his head, “Brother Yin, we need to eat!”

His Brother Yin nearly stumbled on the stairs at the sudden call.

Hearing the commotion, Qi Mu turned to look at him, “What happened?”

Yin Xiuzhu’s ears turned slightly red. “It’s nothing.”

Qi Mu turned back to playing with the kitten. Despite each talking in their own way, they got along quite harmoniously.

Probably because they shared the same attribute—they were both too cute.

Ghost was indeed very hungry. Once the cat food was placed, it ate voraciously, its little tail sweeping the ground like a puppy.

Qi Mu watched for a while and asked, “Is the cat food tasty?”

Yin Xiuzhu couldn’t help but laugh.

Qi Mu hurried to explain, “It looks like chocolate… and Ghost is eating it so happily.”

Yin Xiuzhu stood up and said, “I’ll make dinner; it’ll be ready soon.”

Qi Mu was indeed hungry. At his age, he was growing and could eat six meals a day!

Qi Mu hesitated for a moment before speaking, “My dad…”

Just then, the phone rang. Qi Mu was startled, then realized it was his own phone.

“Still not used to this new thing.” Qi Mu dug through his jacket to find his phone.

It was Qi Dashan calling. As soon as Qi Mu answered the phone, he heard his dad say, “Are you coming home tonight?”

Qi Mu’s eyes lit up, “Can I stay another night?”

Qi Dashan replied, “If you want to stay, go ahead. Your mom and I have a meeting tonight and might get back late.”

Qi Mu was delighted, “Then I won’t go home. I’ll stay here with Yin Xiuzhu.”

Qi Dashan reminded him, “Don’t just play; make sure to do your homework!”

Qi Mu suddenly remembered he had homework to do and quickly said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it done.” With Yin around, homework was nothing to worry about.

After hanging up the phone, Qi Mu saw Yin Xiuzhu standing there, looking dazed.

“My dad said I can stay another night.”

“Oh…” Yin Xiuzhu turned and walked to the kitchen, his voice calm, his back looking cool, though a bit awkward with his movements…

Qi Mu quickly darted in front of him, “Not happy?”

He bent down, insisting on seeing Yin Xiuzhu’s face. Yin Xiuzhu could hide the joy in his eyes but not the smile on his lips.

Qi Mu said, “If you want to smile, just smile!”

Yin Xiuzhu gave him a radiant smile, bright as a starry sky.

Qi Mu: “!”

He touched his nose and thought to himself: No wonder he’s so popular; Yin Xiuzhu is truly incredibly handsome!

“I’m going to make dinner.” Yin Xiuzhu, still young, couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice: Another night to stay, and Qi Mu would be here for the night. His birthday this year was truly wonderful.

After they finished dinner, Qi Mu clung to Yin Xiuzhu, asking for help with his homework.

Yin Xiuzhu simply said, “Next time, you must do it yourself.”

Qi Mu nodded vigorously, making promises like a professional flatterer, “Next time, I’ll definitely do it myself.”

He then eagerly massaged Yin Xiuzhu’s shoulders. Yin Xiuzhu, not wanting Qi Mu to leave but also feeling uncomfortable with him so close, was relieved that these assignments were easy enough that he didn’t need to think too hard.

After finishing the homework, with plenty of time left, Qi Mu wanted to watch TV. While searching for the remote, he accidentally knocked something to the floor.

Bending down to pick it up, Qi Mu almost threw it away again.

Yin Xiuzhu brought over the hot cocoa and saw it immediately.

Qi Mu awkwardly said, “Xu Xiaoming must have left this behind.”

The disc Qi Mu was holding had a cover featuring a provocatively dressed blonde woman, her attire so scanty it could barely be called clothing—more like a piece of cloth barely covering her.

Qi Mu held it awkwardly, not knowing where to put his hands, and the contents of the disc only made him feel more uncomfortable. The stark contrast between the white and black bodies on the cover kept lingering in his mind.

Yin Xiuzhu glanced at him quickly, and the hand holding the tray tensed, the knuckles turning white.

Qi Mu noticed and felt a pang of guilt: Oh no, I’ve definitely upset Yin Xiuzhu again.

Anyone would feel uncomfortable seeing something like this, and with the accidental kiss earlier, Yin Xiuzhu was likely even more displeased.

Qi Mu hurried to clarify, “This disc is really disgusting.”

Yin Xiuzhu was taken aback, a chill spreading through him.

Qi Mu chuckled awkwardly, “How could such perverted people be making these kinds of films…”

Yin Xiuzhu couldn’t focus on anything else, overwhelmed by the words “disgusting” and “perverted,” which struck him deeply, making his breathing a bit labored.

“Alright,” Qi Mu noticed his change in expression and quickly reassured him, “I’ll break it and throw it in the trash. You’ll never see it again.”

As Qi Mu turned to leave, Yin Xiuzhu asked him, “Do you find it very disgusting?”

“Of course,” Qi Mu said firmly, fearing that Yin Xiuzhu might still be upset about the kiss. “Two men like that—it’s just perverted.”

Each word was like a knife, stabbing deep into Yin Xiuzhu’s heart.

“Yes…” Yin Xiuzhu’s voice was very soft as if all his strength had been drained away. “It really is sick.”

Due to the issues with Yu Daiyun, Yin Xiuzhu was often called “sick” when he was younger. Qi Mu hated these words, and knowing that Yin Xiuzhu also disliked them, he used them now, making it clear how deeply he felt repulsed.

Qi Mu felt uncomfortable but was more worried about Yin Xiuzhu’s feelings. He quickly changed the subject, “Anyway, it has nothing to do with us. Just throw it away.”

“Nothing to do with us…”

Yin Xiuzhu closed his eyes and replied, “Mm.”

Qi Mu, not even putting on his coat, hurriedly took the disc outside to dispose of it. He was afraid of being seen by the cleaning staff. Not only did he break the disc, but he also used a lighter to burn the cover.

For some reason, the image of Yin Xiuzhu, pale and closing his eyes tightly, kept flashing in Qi Mu’s mind. He seemed to be in a lot of pain like he was enduring a great blow alone.

A surge of frustration welled up in Qi Mu. He randomly ruffled his hair and muttered, “Don’t be like this. I really didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just…” He mumbled, feeling even more disoriented.

Qi Mu’s unease and fear of upsetting Yin Xiuzhu had their reasons.

When he fell, he saw Yin Xiuzhu beneath him. He could have turned his head to avoid his lips, but he didn’t…

At that moment, lying amidst the candy, Yin Xiuzhu looked so beautiful—his scattered black hair was beautiful, his eyes slightly open with concern were beautiful, his high nose was beautiful, and his light-colored lips, though a bit thin, reminded him of chocolate cookies with pink frosting.

He wanted to taste the cookie.

Qi Mu gave himself a mental slap and repeated in his mind: “Yin Xiuzhu isn’t a girl, Yin Xiuzhu isn’t a girl, Yin Xiuzhu isn’t a girl! I can’t disrespect him like this!”

He pulled himself together, but deep down, there was a tinge of sadness he couldn’t even fully recognize—why wasn’t Yin Xiuzhu a girl? He had wanted to care for him just like a father cared for a mother when he first met him.

When they returned to the room, neither of them mentioned the disc again.

Qi Mu, holding Ghost, watched an animated show for half an hour. Around ten o’clock, Yin Xiuzhu said, “I’m going to bed.”

Qi Mu, also distracted, nodded, “I’ll go to bed too.”

They went upstairs together, each returning to their own room. Qi Mu didn’t have the nerve to bring up sleeping together again.

In the end, Qi Mu wasn’t one to hold onto things. After a shower, playing with the cat, and tossing around in bed for a while, he fell asleep soundly.

On the other hand, Yin Xiuzhu lay awake all night.

He felt a mix of anxiety and relief, his heart aching as if it were about to split open, yet also experiencing a sense of being rescued after nearly drowning.

He was grateful that nothing was said or done, that Qi Mu hadn’t been repulsed.

The fear of Qi Mu disliking him and possibly leaving him forever was like a venomous snake coiling around his heart, tightening its grip.

At least… at least Qi Mu didn’t know.

Yin Xiuzhu fell into a troubled sleep, where he dreamt a dream he had never had before.

Since the incident—since he had killed that man—Yin Xiuzhu had never dreamed about it.

After the event, Qi Dashan, deeply concerned about Yin Xiuzhu’s mental state, arranged for a highly professional therapist to meet with him regularly.

Yin Xiuzhu accepted the arrangement, taking each session seriously, without resistance or absence.

In reality, he was very clear about his situation; the events of that day had not left him with what one might call a psychological shadow. Indeed, he had never seen so much blood before, nor had he ever thought he would kill someone, but he would not be frightened by it, nor would he feel guilty. If given the chance to do it again, he would still act the same way.

He could never tolerate anyone harming Qi Mu.

Killing that man was, for Yin Xiuzhu, a form of liberation; otherwise, he would never be able to forgive himself.

So, despite the time that had passed, he had never dreamt of that day or been trapped in so-called nightmares, unable to let go.

But tonight, he dreamt of it. It turned out that he still remembered the man’s appearance, very clearly.

The malevolence in his eyes, the filth on his face, and his entire lecherous demeanor.

He was approaching Qi Mu, and Yin Xiuzhu’s heart tightened as he did the same thing he had done before.

He anxiously tried to help Qi Mu up but found that Qi Mu was awake. He was staring at him with his large, dark eyes as if looking at a stranger.

Yin Xiuzhu felt a bit flustered and explained, “I…”

“You’re all the same.” Qi Mu’s beautiful eyes revealed fear and disgust. “You’re all equally disgusting, equally nauseating. You’re all perverts, all insane!”

Yin Xiuzhu suddenly woke up, his whole body drenched in cold sweat.

— He was the same as that man. Yes, what difference was there between them? Both had such perverted thoughts and both were crazily intent on harming Qi Mu.

He sat in the dark room, taking a long time to come back to his senses.

A dream was just a dream.

Yet his heart felt as if it had been gouged out.

Yin Xiuzhu huddled by the edge of the bed, clutching the clothes in his arms tightly. He couldn’t let Qi Mu hate him, he couldn’t let him know, he couldn’t lose him.

Yin Xiuzhu kept his eyes wide open, staring intensely as if closing them would let the wild beast within him burst out and commit unspeakable crimes.

Back at school, Xu Xiaoming approached Qi Mu to talk.

Qi Mu ignored him.

Xu Xiaoming noticed: “Brother Mu, what’s wrong? Have you forgotten about me?”

Qi Mu was irritated just by looking at him. If it weren’t for this idiot having that damned film, would Yin Xiuzhu be so nervously agitated?

Xu Xiaoming had long forgotten about it, feeling puzzled. At lunchtime, he asked the chubby academic: “What did I do? Why is Qi Mu ignoring me?”

Fang Xiaopang sneered: “You truly are one to forget things easily.”
Xu Xiaoming: “Speak plainly!”

Fang Junqi: “Yin Xiuzhu’s perfectly fine birthday was ruined by your g film.”

“!” In public, Xu Xiaoming quickly said, “Keep it down, damn it!”

Fang Junqi: “You dare to show it and then not let people talk?”

Xu Xiaoming was nearly infuriated: “I didn’t do it on purpose!”

Fang Junqi gave him a dismissive look.

Xu Xiaoming was beyond frustrated: “Dong Jisheng is coming back soon. I’ll use him as a sacrifice for Christmas!”

The chubby academic glanced at the time and waved at him: “Good luck, I’m going back to do practice problems.”

“Do problems, do problems,” Xu Xiaoming fumed. “All you know is doing problems.”

Fang Junqi paused and looked at him: “Do you think everyone is as carefree as you and Qi Mu?”

Xu Xiaoming frowned and asked, “Your family…”

Fang Junqi’s expression turned colder: “It’s nothing. I’ll manage.” After saying that, he turned and left.

Xu Xiaoming watched the chubby academic’s back, feeling uncomfortable— but what could he do? He couldn’t help with the issues at home.

Christmas was approaching quickly.

Xu Xiaoming had ordered a huge stack of greeting cards, ready to cast a wide net to catch more fish.

Qi Mu asked listlessly, “Aren’t you tired?”

Xu Xiaoming, who had written more in the past few days than he had all year, replied enthusiastically, “Once I get a girlfriend, you’ll see how worth it all this effort is.”

Qi Mu tilted his head and looked at him, “What’s so great about having a girlfriend?”

Xu Xiaoming stopped writing and gave him a look as if he were an idiot, “You can’t even begin to list all the benefits of having a girlfriend.”

Qi Mu: “…” He really couldn’t think of any.

Xu Xiaoming decided to give him a lesson. He started counting on his fingers: “If I had a girlfriend, I’d have heart-shaped bento for breakfast, someone to bring drinks when playing basketball, company for meals, someone to hang out with after class, a partner to do homework with after school, and after finishing homework, we could spend time together…”

Qi Mu remained silent.

After counting, Xu Xiaoming realized the issue: “Brother Mu, you don’t need a girlfriend; having Yin Xiuzhu is enough. A regular girlfriend isn’t as accommodating as Yin Xiuzhu!”

Qi Mu felt irritated by this comment and said, “Don’t compare him to a girl.”

Xu Xiaoming leaned in slyly: “What’s going on with you two lately?”

They seemed to be as usual, but Xu Xiaoming was no stranger to them; after ten years of following them, he could spot a problem at a glance.

Qi Mu felt irritated just thinking about it and glanced at him, thinking: It’s still your fault, ruining a perfectly good birthday!

Xu Xiaoming advised Qi Mu: “Alright, don’t cling to Yin Xiuzhu all the time. He’s not the little bean sprout he used to be; now he’s very popular. If you weren’t always acting like a gatekeeper around him, he’d probably have been in several relationships by now.”

Qi Mu was displeased: “How did I become a gatekeeper?”

Xu Xiaoming changed the subject: “You should try getting a girlfriend yourself. It’s quite interesting.”

Qi Mu’s mind flashed to the girl who had cried so sadly and shook his head: “No, it’s too much trouble.”

Xu Xiaoming had to get back to his work and replied dismissively: “Then just stay with Yin Xiuzhu for life!”