DAY 22: AFTERNOON

DAY 22

AFTERNOON

If there’s no information on home delivery, then I couldn’t care less.

THE HIGHWAY

 

I GOT MY TRAVEL PASS, which doubled as an I.D. It even said “Haruka” on it. Merimeri’s full name was written down as the guarantor. I could come and go as I pleased, free of charge. Just for the heck of it, I left and re-entered about eight times before the gatekeeper started yelling at me.

Ugh, I don’t feel like going back to town, so let’s go nerd-hunting, I thought. The other road led away from the river—and the fish—but I had to explore that way anyway. I’ll come back for my precious fish later.

According to Meri…meri-san, her father was visiting a town along this road. At least, that’s what I remembered her saying. If the duke was there, then the nerds could be there, too.

After a minute of walking, I broke into a sprint. I feel way faster. Last night, I had stored the “Speed Bonus Boots: Speed +30%. Hyper-speed” in an open slot in my leather boots, so maybe that helped, but I couldn’t say for certain.

I’d left town only moments before, but I felt like I was covering a ton of ground. My thoughts about the officials were entirely uncalled for. The signs really were a necessary improvement. They even listed the distance to the next town. I didn’t know how fast I was running, but I doubted that there was any sort of speed limit.

I glimpsed a sign that said, “Traffic Warning: Injury Can Derail Your Life.” Seriously? Their warning took long enough to read that I caused an accident trying to read it! There were squishy goblins in the way. Far from minor injury, the goblins were knocked dead! Don’t make useless signs—evacuate the goblins away from main roads! Constantly crashing into goblins was starting to hurt. I was sick of them! They kept popping out, brandishing their clubs.

The signs weren’t enough; even Presence Detection and Enemy Tracking didn’t help me avoid these goblins. The road looked like the aftermath of a war zone behind me! Broken goblin bodies were scattered everywhere in my wake.

What am I trying to do in the first place? I thought. Was I planning on colliding with the nerds, sending them into low fantasy-world orbit?

I saw another besieged carriage on the road ahead. This must be what all the cool kids are doing nowadays. Should I attack some carriages, too? I just want to see what all the hype is about.

As I drew near, I read the word “OMUI” written in massive letters on the side of the carriage. Was that the name of a company? Could it be…a delivery company?! If I befriended the delivery driver, I could ask them to deliver me some books!

The assailant was an armed soldier. Fighting him was another armed soldier. Fantasy world delivery must be perilous stuff. All these bandits definitely cause delays.

In any case, I knocked the assailant away. Rather, I crashed into him, sending him flying like so many goblins. Traffic was a serious problem in this world.

A stranger approached me, “Are you Haruka-kun, by any chance?”

Huh? I wasn’t expecting any deliveries. The stranger was another old man, but he wasn’t holding a package. What was up with the ratio of old men in this world? Light novels promised me that fantasy worlds were full of giggling, beautiful girls who surrounded you everywhere you went. Why was I constantly surrounded by geezers? Friend or foe, they all had their old man status in common! Is this world trying to murder me with old-man stench?!

“Uh, yeah, that’s me. You’re a courier, right? Where do I sign?”

“Do you not see the name written in giant letters on the side of this carriage? I recognized you from the reports I received: a kid with dark hair and eyes who crashes into enemies at high speeds. Didn’t you receive an invitation from my daughter this morning?”

Then who was going to deliver my books? Couldn’t anyone go to Amazon and get some books for me? Was this all part of a delivery scam?

“Your daughter? Oh, you must be Merimeri-san’s dad. You’re the duke of that unnamed town, right?”

The other old guys started to close in on me, their hands going to their weapons. A chill swept through the air as I dropped the ambient temperature with Heat Magic. Then, I froze their legs in place with Ice Magic. Crackling ice climbed their armored boots.

Hmm, y’know, I’ve always wanted to try out Flame Whorl… For all I knew, these guys were wanted criminals or creeps who preyed on kids. Better use it now just in case.

With a flick of my wrist, their weapons, hands, and hair all burst into flame. Go bald, old men! They were charged with the crime of attempting to suffocate me with their old-man stench.

As the flames dissipated before me, I saw a bunch of scalded, bald old men barely holding on to dear life, legs frozen in place. I assumed that Flame Whorl would be…I don’t know, cool-looking. This was just a bunch of sad old men with scorched scalps.

I didn’t ask for this! I meant to summon a raging maelstrom of fire! Why did I wish baldness upon them? I’ve created a Hair Whorl!

The old man who talked to me before had been shouting something this entire time.

“Pardon me, could you please listen to me?! Reports warned me that you tend to ignore people, but could you please stop attacking my soldiers and listen? I’m tired of talking to myself! The soldiers you burned look rather upset—you ought to have at least challenged them to a proper duel before attacking! And my town has a name! This name!” The duke emphatically pointed at the side of the carriage. “Furthermore, my proper title is not ‘Merimeri-san’s Dad!’ Allow me to have the honor of introducing myself! No more spells! If you don’t stop, I will tell my daughter that you called her Merimeri-san again! She’ll become distraught, and it will be all your fault!”

I finished subduing all of the newly bald men. They could barely stand, so I gave them some mushroom potions. It healed their injuries but not their baldness. I’m never using Hair Whorl again! That skill is terror beyond my worst nightmares!

Why was it that every time I went hunting for nerds, I ran into goblins and geezers instead? Could Presence Detection not differentiate between nerds, goblins, and old men?

An older woman wearing a beautiful gown said, “Haruka-kun, I must thank you. You have now saved the lives of both my husband and my daughter.”

She was accompanied by an elderly maid. At least the ratio improved a little bit. I couldn’t say I was any more interested though. The average age around here is still way too high. What’s the point of hanging out with a bunch of forty-somethings?

“I am Murimour, mother of Merielle. Personally, I was far more concerned about giving you my thanks today than about our treaty with the neighboring municipality. I cannot quite bring myself to show you my gratitude given the circumstances, but I am still thankful that you saved our daughter. I suppose you did also save us from that bandit, so I thank you for that as well.”

The old man shook his head. “My dear, the treaty with the neighboring city is of the utmost importance. Regardless, Haruka-kun, as Duke Meropapa Sim Omui, I give you my thanks.”

Then they blathered on for what felt like hours, giving me a pointless info dump containing the names of other nobles, the country, and the king. I didn’t bother paying attention. I couldn’t remember names anyway, so telling me was a waste of time in the first place. Definitely nothing important—ignoring it was the best decision of my life.

Apparently there was some unrest among the aristocrats, and the bandits who attacked Merimeri-san yesterday were actually an elite squad of soldiers handpicked by the neighboring lord. They were sent on a covert mission to kidnap Merimeri-san for political leverage. When their soldiers didn’t return, they sent a different squad to ambush Meridad-san instead.

I didn’t learn anything new about the nerds or my options for home delivery. Why should I listen? It’s none of my concern! I joined them in the carriage and returned to town. On our journey back, they kept thanking me and reminding me of the name of the town, whatever it was.

The good news was that the gatekeeper didn’t give me any grief this time. For some reason, Class Rep still did. Ah, I suppose she did ask me not to go anywhere today. I only meant to go get some soy sauce. What was the big deal?