DAY 22: MIDNIGHT

DAY 22

MIDNIGHT

Basically the more you talk to them, the stupider they become.

THE CAVE

 

THE IDIOTS AWOKE in much better condition. They had been on the verge of death, so they weren’t fully recovered yet. Despite their near-death experience, they weren’t cured of their idiocy. They’ll be idiots until the end of time.

I caught them up on everything that had happened. “…I haven’t managed to find the nerds yet. I’m telling you, please go to the town and meet up with the Class Rep and her friends. Just tell them you were stupid and apologize.”

I estimated that their full recovery would take about three more days. Recovery was underselling what they were going through. It was more like resurrection.

They tried to tell me what happened, but the idiots gave me zero context, and nothing they said made any sense. I tried to deduce what had happened from their incoherent retelling. I was at least certain that their survival was nothing short of miraculous.

These five jocks were known as some of Japan’s top athletes. They lasted as long as they did because they could make snap decisions, fight enemies without fear, and devise battle formations and team tactics on the fly.

They couldn’t actually win, but they kept fighting. That’s how I knew they were idiots.

All five of them responded in turn. Did they always talk in order of seniority?

“Nah, bro, we’re all better, right?”

“Run away to town? I don’t know.”

“We’ll stick with ya. You’re going to do it, ain’tcha?”

“You’d be nuts to take him on solo.”

“No kidding. If we’re going to town, let’s all go together!”

These idiots couldn’t even think properly, let alone make reasonable decisions.

I understood in that moment what made them brilliant athletes. They could make the right snap judgments and accomplish the impossible by instinct, but they were totally screwed if they had to use their brains. Basically, the more they talked, the dumber they got. Underneath their stupid surface, they only had greater depths of stupidity. They listened to their gut instincts, so their brains atrophied. Explaining new concepts to people with vestigial brains is torture, I thought.

“I know it takes a while for anything to sink into your thick heads, so I’ll repeat myself, okay? You have to go to town, and I have to stay here. The end. Got it?”

“Got it, champ,” they answered in unison.

What a pain. They technically agreed, but I knew that I’d have to confirm it with each of them individually. Then they each said their goodbyes. My hand stung from the cavalcade of high-fives.

It’s like having to explain why one equals one, I thought. There was no explanation other than one is equal to one; it was a fundamental axiom of mathematics. It was a ridiculous thing to try to explain.

Whoever the jocks were terrified by, he wasn’t normal. The guys had run amok, attacked the girls, and the Class Rep stopped them. After that, everything should’ve gone back to normal. Instead, everything fell apart. At the time, no one realized why.

Our class didn’t choose to split up. It wasn’t that simple. There was an unknown variable.

That hidden variable wasn’t a normal guy. He’d faked normalcy this whole time, but he was crazy. He went to any length to convince people that he was normal.

He arrived in this world and remained totally inconspicuous and unimportant. Mundane. Everyone else reacted in their own ways, but he didn’t.

He wasn’t notable in any way when we were all summoned to a fantasy world, nor when monsters appeared, not even when my classmates quarreled.

A person like that isn’t normal. He’s deranged!

Completely average, with no unusual or distinguishing qualities? Nothing could be more perfectly abnormal.

That perfectly abnormal guy was the real reason why the Class Rep couldn’t keep the class together. He split them up.

Normally, the meatheads would’ve taken charge by instinct when things fell apart. It wasn’t normal that no one helped the nerds or that the Class Rep gave up on uniting the class. The mean girls wouldn’t have normally left on their own, either. It was definitely not normal that the camp was totally deserted when I got there. The whole situation was so bizarre that someone had to notice. From the very beginning, no one had acted like themselves. He had manipulated everyone.

There was only one person behind everything that went wrong.

That’s why I had to stay by myself. There was no other way.

“Wow!” I exclaimed to myself. “My first time alone in a while!”

I had my cave all to myself for the first time in days. The Revenge of the Shut-In.

I sent the idiots packing with a mountain of mushrooms filling their packs and directions to town filling their heads. They should be fully recovered by the time they get to that nameless place.

It was good to be back. Not even a month had passed since I was summoned here, but I felt like I was in my real home. This must be what it feels like to have a place of your own.

The cave was so quiet that all of the cacophony, bustle, and hubbub of the girls felt like a distant, fading dream.