DAY 23: NIGHT

DAY 23

NIGHT

In addition to goblins and kobolds, old men must be stopped.

THE CAVE

 

I GROANED A LONG, low moan when I entered the bath. It was nothing less than heavenly. I sound like a gross old man, though! Was I transforming into an old man? Was it contagious? Did an old man bite me and spread the infection? I needed to wipe out this plague before it swallowed me completely.

I tweaked my hot tub until it worked just the way I wanted—I installed water jets powered by Wind Magic. Ten days after I first put it together, I had it just right. It was perfect. Despite having it working for a while, this was the first time I actually got to use it. I had no regrets, though, because I knew that twenty beautiful high school girls had used this very bath. I was sitting in the same place they’d sat! Imagined scenarios of those pretty girls enjoying the hot tub flitted through my mind. No, the only regret I had was that the jocks had also used the bath. They kept showing up in my happy daydreams like invasive thoughts.

“No visitors today, I suppose?” I said out loud.

I got out of the bath and drank some juice.

I sighed—something had to be done about those old men. They had to be quarantined as biohazards. I couldn’t let them spread their old man habits any longer! I even caught myself keeping my hand on my lower back like an ancient geezer. I’m only sixteen! Is this the start of a horrid transformation?! I needed to find some anti-aging herbs.

Life or Death worked on kobolds, even with their speed. It was a close-range technique—usable from a half-step away, a whole step at most. Through the perfect alignment of my magic, my skills, and my control of momentum, I was able to instantaneously swing my staff, an ultimate death blow. If I couldn’t repeat it perfectly every single time, I’d be killed. I couldn’t make a single mistake.

Through practice, I’d managed to turn a step forward and a slash into a single flowing motion. If I lunged and then attacked, it wouldn’t work. I tweaked and practiced the technique until I could perform it from muscle memory, until it was second nature.

How many times did I nearly die today? Against the goblin emperor I’d literally left it all up to chance. I was sure I would’ve died if it weren’t for my underappreciated Luck stat.

All this exercise and practice made me feel like I was possessed by the spirit of some hot-blooded moron.

The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that meathead idiocy was contagious! I still had all my limbs, my eyes were intact, and my guts weren’t spilling out, so at least my case of idiocy wasn’t as terminal as theirs. This still isn’t good. If I screw up once, I’m worm food!

If Idiot showed up on my stat screen, I was gonna be so pissed. I checked my stats, bracing myself for the worst.

 

NAME: Haruka

RACE: Human

LV: 11

JOB: —

HP: 164

MP: 170

VIT: 154

POW: 158

SPE: 166

DEX: 165

MIN: 174

INT: 181

LUK: Max (Above Limit)

SP: 311

COMBAT SKILLS: Cane Mastery Lv9, Evasion Lv8, Foresight Lv9, Magic Infusion Lv8, Life or Death Lv2, Rapid Movement Lv1

MAGIC: Heat Lv4, Movement Lv7, Weight Lv7, Packing Lv7, Four Elements Lv6, Wood Lv6, Lightning Lv4, Ice Lv4

SKILLS: General Health Lv5, Sensitivity Lv5, Calisthenics Lv8, Walking Lv7, Servitude Lv5, Appraisal Lv8, Clairvoyance Lv7, Presence Detection Lv8, Enemy Tracking Lv8, Magic Manipulation Lv8, Presence Concealment Lv6, Stealth Lv8, Hiding Lv8, Map Lv5, Focus Lv8, Physics Resistance Lv6, MP Regeneration Lv8, Stamina Regeneration Lv7, Parallel Thinking Lv6, Serial Thinking Lv6, High-Speed Thinking Lv7, Dash Lv5, Airwalk Lv5, Overclock Lv5, God’s Eye Lv1

TITLES: Shut-In Lv5, NEET Lv5, Loner Lv5, Sorcerer Lv8

ABILITIES: Corporate Proactiveness Lv4, Master of None Lv5, Blockhead Lv7

EQUIPMENT: Wooden Stick?, Clothes Set?, Leather Glove?, Leather Boots?, Cloak?, Contact Lenses?, Ring of the Destitute, Bag of Holding, Monster Bracelet Power +31% Speed +19%, Black Hat

 

Not only had I leveled up, I gained two levels! The quality of monsters really must’ve made a difference. Someone, please just publish a strategy guide for this world already, it makes no sense, I thought. My skills would need an entire separate guide.

Each level up was boosting my stats by a substantial amount. I’d had a theory for a while about why that was, and going to town confirmed it—the potential mushrooms were making my stats increase abnormally quickly. The goblin kings and emperors must’ve been eating the same mushrooms. But I was the only one to eat them with soy sauce, a flavor too luxurious even for an emperor.

HP and MP mushrooms were rare and valuable, but they were known. But no one in town even knew that potential mushrooms existed. Even for mushrooms, they were rare. When they did grow, I guessed that goblins gobbled them up and turned into kings and emperors, which kept people away from those places entirely. That was why the ladies at the general store and the guild hadn’t heard of them. You had to be ridiculously lucky to even encounter them. And I was the only one who knew how well they went with soy sauce. I was the only one who’d ever tried that divine combination! That worked out just great for me.

Each of the more powerful goblins dropped power boosting Monster Bracelets: +1% bracelets from boss goblins, +3% from goblin kings, and +6% from goblin emperors. Same for the kobolds. The different monster bracelets fused into one when I stacked them but stayed the same size and weight as a regular bracelet.

Thinking purely about experience gains, focusing on weak monsters was better because there were way more to fight. The monsters near the center of the forest were stronger but much less common. The bracelets changed my calculations—they were so overpowered that it made it worth it to go after the tough monsters. If I got enough, I could get a 100% boost to my power and speed. Maybe too rare, since they were all dead now. But boss monsters had those bracelets, which meant that my best strategy was to fight them: I could get a 100% power and speed boost.

Life or Death had also gone up to level 2. I guess I had improved it quite a bit, so calling it level 2 made sense. Could I level it up again?

Then there was Rapid Movement, which I had used through some of my gear effects. I must’ve learned it myself from using Movement and high-speed magic manipulation so often. It was like a generic version of Life or Death. I was also impressed that Overclock had gone up four levels, though I guessed I had been pretty reckless with it.

Calisthenics had jumped up three levels. Doing exercises every morning felt like a mistake; it seemed to level faster from just using my body, even in battle. Shouldn’t it have a different name? Goddamn it, why doesn’t any of this make sense?!

It didn’t feel like the intense movements I executed for Life or Death had anything to do with my morning exercises. I had a feeling that even if I reached max level in Calisthenics, I wouldn’t suddenly turn into that exercise guy on Japanese TV.

True, I was forcing my body through some crazy athletic feats. I didn’t have much of a choice, either. I’d get killed if I didn’t push myself.

One thing that I didn’t understand at all was God’s Eye. What did that mean? Could I see god? I didn’t want to ever hear another lecture from that useless geezer! Next time I saw him, I’d beat the crap out of him!

Well, we all have our limits. I should sleep.