DAY 2
DAY 2
What would be the hardest radio exercise program of all time?
THE CAVE
I OPENED MY EYES and saw the ceiling of the cave. An unfamiliar ceiling! But why would I get worked up over a ceiling?
Nothing had disturbed my sleep that night. The combination of the monster-repellent tent, lantern, and the Shut-In ability probably kept me safe. Would this cave remain safe if I left? I still needed a front door and a mailbox for this place to feel like a real home.
My campfire had burnt out overnight, so I lit it again with my Fire Magic. To even get a spark, I had to cradle the embers in my hands. No fireballs for me. How did anyone manage to shoot fireballs without burning their hands, anyway?
From that seemingly bottomless bag, I pulled out a knife, a cutting board, a pan, some preserved meat, mushrooms, salt, a plate, and a cup. Generic Villager A was definitely the most impressive guy in the village.
I put the pan over the flame and raised the temperature until it started to smoke. I sliced the meat, chopped the mushrooms, fried them until they browned, and then added a little water and stewed them for a bit. I gently shook the pan so the bottom wouldn’t burn and let the water boil away. Then I took it off the flame and added some salt. Smells great! For the time being, the only food I had in my bag was the meat and mushrooms.
Salt was the only seasoning at hand, too. I’d be all out of food soon enough. I needed a way to get more meat and fish. Maybe I could forage more in the forest, although yesterday the only things I found to eat were mushrooms. Maybe Takenoko chocolate snacks grew like mushrooms in the woods. Man, my classmates would start a war over those.
While I was cooking, I contemplated my options. First, I needed a permanent place to live, a way to get food, and a way to protect my dwelling from monsters.
This cave would work fine as a home. Sure, my tent would make it easy to stay on the move, but it felt safer to have a cave to retreat to. A cave was the perfect place for a shut-in, too. I could always move on once the food in the area ran out. Food and safety had to be my top priorities. Typically in a game, you would just start adventuring, but I was a shut-in and a loner, right? I probably couldn’t travel too much even if I wanted to.
I returned to the forest to collect more mushrooms. I relied on Appraisal and Enemy Tracking as I explored. Yesterday, I’d followed the river upstream, so today I continued in the same direction.
I found tons of mushrooms and herbs, but I also saw tracks left by some sort of animal. I kept my distance. I gathered some kindling, lumber, and even ivy. Games usually began in a castle or small village, but this was the tale of my lonely forest survival adventure! Why even summon me into a fantasy world, anyway? I was basically dropped into Robinson Crusoe.
At around noon, I headed back to the cave. I couldn’t have used a phone or watch here even if I had them. I shouldn’t have to explain why those things were useless in this world, so don’t even think of asking!
Soon enough, I was out of the woods. The cave was straight ahead, but for some reason I felt rooted to the spot. I could sense that something was off. A monster? One of my classmates? Whatever it was, I could tell it wasn’t friendly. Go on, scram!
I hid behind a tree and scanned my surroundings with the Appraisal ability. I held my breath and strained to hear even the smallest sounds. While searching, I did my best to remain hidden. There it was! I used Appraisal.
Goblin A
RACE: Goblin
LV: 08
HP: 36
MP: 4
VIT: 27
POW: 22
SPE: 13
DEX: 8
RES: 2
INT: 1
LUK: 16
COMBAT: Hammer Mastery Lv2, Great Strike Lv1, Body Slam Lv1
SKILLS: Super Horny Lv1
EQUIPMENT: Club
It was a humanoid creature, neither human nor animal, with an ugly face and a short, stout body. A goblin, the smallest of the small fry. If I couldn’t take it down, that would be it—the premature end of my tale.
I’d been led to believe from playing video games that even kids could take down a goblin. But those stats were actually pretty high—and worse, there were two of them.
The weak had to defeat goblins and level up to get stronger. That was the basis of any game. Goblins and slime monsters were usually the weakest. So why were their stats so much better than mine? Was I really that weak?
I’ll have to beat them sooner or later.
If I moved quickly, I could launch a surprise attack. On the other hand, if they caught me by surprise, I’d be totally screwed. Surprise attacks gave a huge advantage to the attacker. I could try to separate them and defeat them one by one, or wait until they wandered into advantageous terrain. I just needed to time my attack carefully…though surprise and tactics would be useless if I couldn’t finish them off quickly.
The biggest problem was their HP and vitality, followed by their power. All my stats were 10, so they had nearly four times my health and three times my vitality. I’d have to hit them a bunch of times to take them out, but they could probably kill me in one blow. I estimated that I’d have to hit them ten times each without getting hit once. A sneak attack wouldn’t be nearly enough.
Since we had about the same speed and dexterity, I couldn’t overwhelm them with quick hits. I’d have to win based on my intelligence and luck. My intelligence was ten times higher than theirs, and my luck was essentially infinite. Hopefully, intelligence meant the same thing in this world as in Japan. It was worthless to me if it was just a spellcasting stat.
My only weapon was a stick, and I didn’t even know how powerful it was. It had a question mark in its description, so maybe I’d be able to knock them out in less than ten hits. I had to assume that the heavy clubs they carried would do a ton of damage, but maybe their weight would slow them down, which I could use to my advantage.
And if I aimed for the backs of their heads or something, maybe I would deal a lot more damage than just randomly attacking. It could be a double damage bonus, or maybe even ×5 damage. Don’t underestimate surprise attacks and other dirty tricks!
I didn’t yet understand how much the stats would influence a real fight, and I needed to get some practical experience. But before I did that, I had to make sure I had an escape route.
Our speed was the same, but since I was much taller, I had longer legs. Longer legs meant faster running speed, right? This would be an especially useful experiment. If I ambushed them and things went badly, I could hopefully still escape. I kept my distance behind them, staying as quiet as I could, and decided to go after Goblin A first. If I could defeat Goblin A with a sneak attack before Goblin B got to me, then I could make it a one-on-one match.
I closed the distance. Goblin B had wandered a decent way off on its own. When should I strike? This is terrifying… Okay, now!
I took a deep breath, leapt forward, and struck it in the back of the head. It staggered and I struck again as it bent forward. My next swing knocked it off its feet. Once it was on the ground, I swung my stick as fast as I could before the other goblin returned. By the time Goblin B drew near, Goblin A had stopped moving altogether. Even if it’s still alive, it’s out of the fight.
The remaining goblin charged toward me swinging its club. Its body was low to the ground, so dodging the attack was harder than expected. I shifted out of the way and attacked with my stick.
The goblin’s attacks were simple and predictable. It just swung with all its might every time.
I watched its attacks and quickly figured out how to read and respond—I waited for the swing, and then dodged and struck simultaneously. A counterattack! Every time the goblin attacked me, it took damage. It wouldn’t last much longer.
Even though I was weak, my attacks were ferocious. I screamed and swung with all my force every time I dodged the goblin’s club. After some time, I smashed its neck and prepared to dodge, but the goblin crumpled into a heap before it could swing the club down one more time.
Deep breaths—I stepped away and took a moment to catch my breath. Only one of the attacks had grazed me, but it didn’t do any real damage. It wasn’t a flawless victory, but not bad for my first fight to the death.
Neither of the defeated goblins were moving at all. Just to be safe, I went over and dealt each of them a coup de grâce, taking their clubs as my spoils of war. I washed my face in the river.
I felt more exhausted mentally than physically. By the time I defeated the second one, I was able to anticipate all the goblin’s attacks perfectly. Not that I could read every movement they made, but I managed to respond smoothly—and just surviving my first battle felt like an accomplishment. I had a lot to work on, but my first priority was to get used to fighting.
Now I really feel like I’m in a fantasy game, I thought. Or is that just my imagination?
I went back to the cave and took a quick rest. I nibbled on roasted mushrooms and used the wood and vines I had gathered to make a simple lattice door over the cave entrance. I had some leftover lumber, so I dried it out with my Heat Magic and stacked it up for later use. The bag of holding is really useful!
With the woodworking I needed to do, Weight Magic came in handy. I could make the wood lighter and carry everything myself. Even a loner can do it! Wait, I said I’m not a loner, right?
Fighting sure worked up a sweat. I took a bath and started on laundry. I wasn’t that out of shape, but I didn’t like getting sweaty and I hated wearing dirty clothes. Maybe I’m not actually cut out for living in the woods in a fantasy world.
I got my first magic from the old dude, but I learned Fire Magic by myself. I had no idea how to practice my magic and get better, but obviously shooting fireballs would be a little more difficult than just saying a word and firing.
I kept messing around with Heat and Fire magic to try and get some flames going. Heat magic took forever to actually light anything on fire. I could create little balls of flame with Fire Magic, but they were tiny and only shot a few yards away. Even sending them that far took a lot of my concentration. It would be hard to find a use for them in actual combat. At least I was having fun, so I kept practicing.
I wanted to be able to attack from a distance, but I probably needed to level up more first. And in order to level up, I had to fight.
I tried using Weight Magic to make my stick heavier for battle, but it was pretty difficult. If I made it heavy too early, I could barely lift it, but when I tried making it heavy just at the moment of contact, it was hard to get the timing right. Still, I wasn’t about to give up. En garde!
Then I tried using Packing Magic to pack up my wooden stick. I could do it no problem, but what was the point? There had to be some use for Packing Magic, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure it out. In the meantime, I experimented with using it to bundle sticks together and then swing them all at once, but I honestly couldn’t tell if this was any different from just using one. Either way, at least it was practice for my cane fighting.
It was hard to figure out what exactly Movement Magic did. I had the sense that maybe the Walking skill was increasing my stride so that what would normally have taken ten steps was only seven or eight. I remembered being surprised by how quickly I reached the goblin when I launched my surprise attack. Yep, the surprise attack surprised me, too. Turns out I had a lot in common with that goblin. I did whack it to death with a stick, but y’know. I am a loner after all.
Maybe I would get a new title when I leveled up, Klutz or something. It gives you extra power if you pratfall and shout in embarrassment during a life-or-death struggle with goblins, I thought. Yeah, that’s definitely not my style.
What if I tried using Packing Magic on myself? As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I tried it out. It took a while at first, but soon I was able to do it quickly, and after a while I could pack myself up in a flash. It felt like an out-of-body experience, like I was my own disembodied porter, moving myself around like luggage.
Moving like that was easier than expected, and I could move pretty fast, too. Was the skill actually doing anything or was it just the placebo effect?
Am I using my calisthenics skill, too? Either way, I thought packing myself might give me a defense or magic defense boost, so I had to try more experiments with it. I packed myself, moved forward, and attacked with my stick… It was like a game! Though this seems better suited to one of those clumsy anime girls than me.
I tried pretty much every trick I could come up with. I still had no clue how well any of my magic would work in a real battle.
I didn’t know if it was physical exhaustion or using too much magic, but I started to get dizzy. That was enough messing around for one day. Time to sleep.
Before retiring for the night, I used Appraisal to check out the looted goblin clubs. The display read: “Club: A wooden club.” The stick that I had been using had a big question mark for its description, so I couldn’t compare it, but I could tell that the club was heavier, shorter, and probably useless in battle.
“Status,” I called.
NAME: Haruka
RACE: Human
LV: 02
JOB: —
HP: 23
MP: 0/21
VIT: 22
POW: 21
SPE: 25
DEX: 25
RES: 21
INT: 25
LUK: MAX (Above Limit)
SP: 05
COMBAT: Cane Mastery Lv2, Evasion Lv1, Foresight Lv1, Magic Infusion Lv1
MAGIC: Heat Lv2, Movement Lv1, Packing Lv1, Weight Lv1, Fire Lv1
SKILLS: General Health Lv1, Sensitivity Lv2, Calisthenics Lv2, Walking Lv1, Consultant Lv1, Servitude Lv1, Appraisal Lv2, Clairvoyance Lv1, Presence Detection Lv2, Enemy Tracking Lv2, Magic Manipulation Lv1,
TITLES: Shut-In Lv1, NEET Lv1, Loner Lv1
ABILITIES: Corporate Proactiveness Lv1, Master of None Lv1, Blockhead Lv1
EQUIPMENT: Wooden Stick?, Clothes Set?, Leather Glove?, Leather Boots?, Cloak?, Contact Lenses?, Ring of the Destitute, Cloth Bag
I leveled up! My stats had all doubled, which was a much bigger jump than I’d expected. Maybe it was just because I was at such a low level, but I certainly wasn’t going to complain about the fast growth. This’ll make fighting way easier, I thought. My speed and dexterity nearly tripled. Now I’ll really be able to attack quickly.
Maybe I was an agile build in this world? I had to be, if speed and dexterity increased so much, right?
The intelligence boost was also great, but I figured that came from all the time I spent practicing magic. Or maybe it was because I came up with a good strategy to defeat the goblins? Could my time speed-running video games finally be paying off? Not that I ever finished a run.
Wait a second—did my sensitivity go up, too?! What the hell did I do? All I did was encounter some goblins, and it’s not like they captured and tormented me! So why did it go up? Was this good or bad? Did my skin get more sensitive or something? That sounded itchy and terrible.
I pretended that I hadn’t noticed it and moved on. My Cane Mastery level had gone up just from swinging a stick around for one afternoon. Did I get a bonus because I killed my first enemy? In the past, didn’t they give you a new rank in martial arts if you killed an opponent?
I was supposed to have a slower level-up rate because of Master of None, but I guess those two goblins gave me enough experience points anyway?
That would make sense, considering I defeated enemies that were a lot stronger than me. I had no idea what the base experience growth was. I could really use a strategy guide, but I don’t even know the name of this world. Maybe the old geezer told me, but I couldn’t remember. That good-for-nothing geezer.
My Calisthenics level must’ve gone up because of my strict daily exercise routine…the one I just started today, I mean. Could that possibly be enough? Maybe calisthenics was the first skill that a lot of people used in this world. And when you leveled it up enough, you were suddenly able to recite NHK’s legendary radio exercise programs—even the hardest ones—on the spot? Besides that, my Appraisal, Presence Detection, and Enemy Tracking had all gone up, too. I used them constantly, and needed them in my daily life, so no big surprise there. I was just happy to level up.
I had no idea what “Magic Infusion” referred to. “Magic Manipulation” must’ve appeared because I was preparing myself to use Weight Magic in battle.
But Magic Infusion? Maybe I got it from using magic on myself earlier. But how was that different from Packing Magic?
My eyes couldn’t stay open any more. I’ll worry about it tomorrow. What would be the hardest radio exercise program of all time, anyway?