Chapter 5: Nurse

SUU THE SLIME slid the rest of the way into her nurse’s uniform and smiled. “Suu’s a nurse! A nursuu!” Her hair—slime—tentacles—whatever it was on top of her head flicked up and down like bunny ears as she tried to get Kimihito’s attention.

It was strange to see her in clothes. Once he was looking, it was hard to stop. He forced himself to blink. “What’s that, Suu?”

“From the hospital! What do you think, Master?” she asked.

“I think it looks nice on you, Suu,” he said.

“It looks nice! It looks nice!” Suu chanted, whirling around the room to show it off.

“Oh, she got a water-resistant version? That’s nice.” Doppel seemed to materialize from nowhere.

“Doppel,” Kimihito greeted her.

She wrapped her arm around his and grinned. She was in her usual form, a slight woman with dark skin, and she wore a matching nurse’s uniform.

“You’re wearing clothes, too?”

“Ugh.” Her mood turned. Doppel famously disliked clothes and was almost always naked. Her long, flowing hair did a good enough job covering her crotch and nipples—if someone tried to sneak a peek from an odd angle, it would even shift to cover her. It took a special occasion for her to put anything on. “I didn’t want to, but everyone was saying ‘wear it, wear it.’”

The other nurses around them giggled.

“Come on, Doppel-chan.”

“It’s important to wear a uniform when you’re representing the hospital!”

Kimihito knew all the nurses here. Today, the last day of the work experience program, they were at one of Japan’s rare liminal-specialist hospitals. He’d visited a lot with his homestay girls and had started to think of the nurses as acquaintances.

“Knock it off! I didn’t want to do this stupid program in the first place! I contribute plenty to society by catching bad guys,” Doppel said.

“But Suu-chan can’t work at a regular shop, can she?”

“And someone needs to watch her on Smith-san’s behalf.”

The nurses chided her.

“Ugh.”

Kimihito couldn’t help but laugh. Suu hadn’t come to Japan via the proper channels for liminal immigration, and her behavior continued to be a mystery. That meant the government—Smith included—couldn’t officially recognize her but also couldn’t leave her alone. Most of the time it was convenient for her to slip into Kimihito’s household where someone experienced could watch her, but whenever the girls went out into the world, she caused a fresh bureaucratic headache.

In the case of the work program, they couldn’t give her a formal assignment, but they wanted as much data as possible and refused to leave her out. Looking at their options, they decided the hospital was the safest placement. The nurses had seen Suu before and knew her legal situation. They had plenty of affection for her too, and they were excited to dress her up and take care of her. The whole ward was thrilled to have her.

Suu was happy, too! She had her waterproof nurse’s uniform, and she skipped around humming in celebration.

“Hey, Buddy, whatcha staring at?” Doppel sidled over to Kimihito, her hair drifting around her shoulders. She was too messy to fit with the clean hospital aesthetic.

“It’s just strange seeing you both in clothes,” Kimihito said.

“Yeah, well, it’s embarrassing, so don’t,” she said.

“Isn’t that backwards? Being embarrassed by clothes but okay being naked?”

“It’s a doppelgänger thing. Don’t judge liminals based on human social mores. There are lots of different cultural standards out there.” As her name implied, Doppel was a doppelgänger, and she used her hair to change into different forms. Suu could also change shape—but her texture would always be slime. There was nothing that could mimic true doppelgänger transformation.

“Maybe, but when in Rome…” Or Tokyo, as the case may be.

“Grrr.” Doppel couldn’t refute that.

“Besides, you dressed up that time we went out together, didn’t you?”

“That was one night only! Ugh, whatever. I’m keeping this on for the job today, so you’d better be grateful,” she said, posing for him and blushing all the while. She seemed like she was getting into it. Or she might’ve been getting into character as a nurse and feeling good about that. Whatever the reason, she was blushing hard.

“Suu can do it, too!” Suu said, mimicking Doppel’s pose. She brandished a syringe as a prop.

“Is that real?” Kimihito asked.

“Hee hee! ♪” she giggled without answering.

“But where’s…?” He looked around for the other homestay girl who was supposed to be at the hospital.

“Aye,” she said, stepping from the shadows, “I’m ill-suited tae a pure, white raiment such as this, being borne of the darkness of the abyss. Though me sins may seep through like so much spilled blood, I have donned it nonetheless.” Lala the dullahan was wearing a nurse’s uniform, too.

“There you are, Lala.”

Even with the uniform on, she kept her scarf wound around her neck, the black and white fabrics in sharp contrast. After all, if she removed it, her head would come tumbling off.

“How’s the shift been so far?” he asked.

“’Tis nary a hardship, for one such as meself, tae turn from ministration of the dead tae care of the living,” she said. Her obscure speech made it hard to understand, but there was a simple solution for that.

“Excuse me for a minute,” he said and took Lala’s head from her shoulders.

“Unhand me!” the head shrieked, pale blue skin turning red. The body’s reaction was particularly obvious—her legs clamped together and gave her a pigeon-toed walk as she struggled toward him. She was mortified. “Give it back!”

“Woops! Sorry.” He returned it to her. Lala could be so poetic that she became impossible to understand. When she was, separating her head from her body forced her to cut to the chase. In this case, she’d revealed just how embarrassed she was about having to wear the nurse’s uniform. “I feel bad, Lala. It’s a stressful place to do your first job.”

“Worry not. I already had a duty here,” she said.

“Huh?” What kind of errand would Lala be on at a liminal-focused hospital?

Lala looked around the area for a while as if she was searching for something. “Ah!” Whatever it was, she’d found it.

Following her gaze from the nurse’s station into a nearby room, he saw an ill-looking girl less than ten years old. The girl saw them too and rushed toward Lala. Wait, didn’t she look familiar?

“Reaper-san!” cheered the girl.

“Yuuhi. Ye are here,” Lala said.

“Yeah, and so are you, Reaper-san! Are you a nurse today?” She pointed at the uniform and smiled.

 

***

 

The girl’s name was Yuuhi Hajime, and until recently, she had been a human hospitalized with a deadly disease. When she was at death’s door, Lala intervened (without permission), taking a zombie’s tooth and making Yuuhi one of the living dead. Despite being a zombie, she looked much livelier than she used to. Happier and healthier too, Kimihito thought as he watched her and Lala.

“Tae atone for me many sins, I have sworn meself in service of the society of the crimson cross,” Lala said.

“I see. You’re doing work experience,” Yuuhi said.

“Though I risk bringing their holy garb tae disrepute, I have wrapped this wretched body in its soft embrace and seek absolution among them.”

“Wearing a nurse’s uniform and everything, huh?”

“Furthermore, I seek tae meet with yer ladyship and inquire upon ye health.”

“I’m doing fine! This is just a routine visit to have my preservation fluid changed.”

It was hard to tell if Yuuhi and Lala were on the same wavelength or not. Kimihito hoped they were—he’d realized that Lala requested to work for this hospital so she could check on Yuuhi. Yuuhi could no longer go to a human hospital and had to be treated here, but she seemed comfortable with the change and had even built a rapport with the nurses.

“How could anyone continue in such a sick, sad world?” Lala asked.

“I’m fine! In fact, I’m really glad you came to visit,” Yuuhi said.

“I see.”

“Anyway, I’ve got to go—come play again sometime, Reaper-san!” She smiled and waved as a nurse escorted her out.

“You could’ve just said you wanted to see Yuuhi-chan,” Kimihito said.

“Tch. I have nae interest in the petty concerns of the living,” Lala said casually. It could be hard to read her expressions, but in this case, it was clear she was thinking about Yuuhi. “At any rate, ye’ll fall tae our blades soon.”

“Huh? What?”

“Were you not informed?” Her eyes widened.

He was about to speak when something wet splashed over his arm. “Wh—Suu?”

“Master! Exam!” Suu said.

“What?”

“Hah, did nobody tell you, Buddy? Or maybe that jerk Smith kept it secret on purpose.” Doppel’s hair reached out and wound around him.

He still didn’t know why he was being restrained, just that he was, the strange elastic pull of Doppel’s hair and the wet grasp of Suu’s tentacles taking hold of his arms.

“Be good and stay still! The doctors are here to look after you,” Doppel said.

“Me?! Why?! These are doctors for liminals, not humans!”

“That may be true, but you’ve been manhandled by so many of us, you’re lucky to be alive. The doctors are excited to meet the star case study from all those reports.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me!”

“You’ve been squeezed by lamias and landed on by harpies, and even passed out at Polt’s casino—all with no lasting injuries. No broken bones or side effects. Can you be sure you’re human? You’re so special it only makes sense for liminal specialists to do this.” Doppel was set on it.

“That’s why? Because I’m too healthy?!”

“At least that’s what I think—but why don’t we get a second opinion?”

Her hair twined around his arms like a living thing, reeling him back in whenever he tried to escape. Suu clung to his side, and Lala held his legs—she was surprisingly strong, maybe from carrying a scythe everywhere.

“All right! Make way! We’ve got a patient!” Doppel shouted as they walked through the ward.

“Suu with a syringe! What will she do?”

“It’s tae be an examination, then? Whatever fate the inquisition may choose, I will await at the gates of the underworld.”

“I’m not dying!” Kimihito huffed. “Seriously! Wait!!” He struggled with his bonds to no avail.

“Sheesh, calm down! Most guys would die to be held by this many cute nurses,” Doppel said.

“Sure, it’s great, until you try to examine me,” Kimihito retorted.

“Too late to argue, we’re outta here!” She raised her fist in the air.

Suu and Lala cheered in response.

No matter how he resisted, he couldn’t get them to stop. They dragged him to an unknown wing of the hospital.

 

***

 

“The results are in!” one of the human nurses said and then furrowed her brow at the page. “You’re definitely…normal.”

“I-Is that so?” Kimihito breathed a sigh of relief.

The nurse, however, was not pleased. It made him anxious, seeing her scowl at what seemed like a good result.

“Nah, he’s still weird,” Doppel said. “He gets squeezed by lamia, kicked by centaurs, drowned by mermaids, and there’s never a scratch on him?”

“Aye, ’tis long past time his soul was collected. As a dullahan, I say he is most unusual,” Lala agreed.

“If the exams say I’m healthy, then that’s that,” Kimihito said and folded his arms.

“But a healthy what? There’s no way you’re human, Buddy,” Doppel said.

“He might not be strong, but he’s certainly sturdy. Kurusu-san, are you getting proper rest? Do you give yourself time to recover after hard labor or taxing sports?” the nurse asked.

Kimihito shook his head. “I don’t do much, so I’ve got nothing to rest from.”

“Liar. How many pilot program events did you attend this week? Everyone else was one and done, but you’ve been to four of them. You’ve done the most work by far,” Doppel said, easily disproving him.

He could say nothing in response.

“Plus Polt’s gig makes five. You’re overworked!”

“What was I supposed to do, turn her down?”

“Yes! You’re too damn nice! Learn to say no!” She shook her head in disgust.

The nurse sighed. “I asked because, while you’re otherwise healthy, you did show signs of fatigue. You need to take care of yourself, all right?”

“O-okay…” At one point, he’d worked part-time to pay for everyone’s food by himself, and he still measured his exhaustion against that benchmark. The nurse wouldn’t know that, though. “Anyway, if I’m fine, maybe we should get back to the girls’ work experience? What should they do?”

“They don’t have to do anything,” the nurse said.

“Huh?”

“Suu-chan isn’t allowed to help. She doesn’t have any qualifications. We just thought it’d be cute to let her wear the uniform,” the nurse said.

“Oh. That makes sense.” Now that he thought about it, of course they couldn’t let untrained people handle their patients. Having experienced their “care,” he was very aware why.

“But to be honest, you are exhausted, Kurusu-san.”

“I—I’m not!”

“Maybe they can look after you as practice?” She spoke with complete seriousness.

The new nurses, the completely unqualified trio of Suu, Doppel, and Lala, all looked at Kimihito in unison.

“We have some relaxation facilities here, and they’re currently empty. Why don’t you all use those?”

“Suu will fix Master,” Suu said.

“Guess we’re back on the clock, Buddy. Let’s go take care of you,” Doppel said.

“Take care of me? Fix me? What’re you planning??” Kimihito asked.

Lala was hesitant, but Suu and Doppel were all in.

Ignoring his distress, the nurse excused herself from the room, “I’ve got other patients to tend to. Have a lovely time!”

“Don’t leave me like this—”

“You’re lucky, Kurusu-san. You’re perfectly healthy and surrounded by lovely young women looking out for your well-being. You’re going to have a wonderful afternoon,” she replied as she disappeared down the hall.

“Looking out how?”

The girls surrounded him.

“Suu gonna take good care.”

“That’s great, but what’re you gonna do, Suu?” he asked.

“That.” She pointed at a massage chair across the hallway.

It wasn’t a normal chair for human use. It was covered in weird, long appendages and a few short protrusions as well. It wasn’t clear what any of them were supposed to do.

Before he could get carried away imagining what it was for, he noticed a sign, “Liminal Massage Chair: Still in Testing Phase”. On the right side of the machine was a familiar logo that looked like a dog’s paw print. Now, who could have made such a thing…?

“Suu wanna try,” Suu said.

 

***

 

“Wooooo.” A noise came from Suu’s mouth, but he wasn’t sure if she was trying to talk or if it’d been shaken out of her by the vibrations.

“Ahhh…feels nice…” Kimihito said from atop her.

Her current round shape made it feel more like sitting on a giant flan than a liminal. The moment he sat down, she sank around him like memory foam so he’d be evenly supported. A passerby might have mistaken her for a clear, green sofa.

“You’re…too stiff…sir…let me…help…” said Suu.

“Where’d you learn that line?” Doppel asked. A lot about Suu was a mystery, including how she managed to speak while she was a massage chair. “Whatever. How’re you feeling, Buddy? Our makeshift chair giving any results?”

“Ahhh…” Kimihito repeated, vibrating so intensely that he couldn’t speak even if he wanted to—and he didn’t want to.

Doppel chuckled. “Yeah, you’re gonna be useless after this.”

With his whole body sunken in the slime, he felt weightless. He had no idea how she did it, but Suu had formed a mass like a firm rubber ball that pummeled the knotted muscles all over his body. “Awesooome,” he groaned.

“You’re a strange, depraved creature, Suu. I can’t underestimate you,” Doppel said.

Suu was always a quick study. When she first arrived, she’d been unable to speak, but she’d learned bit by bit until she could attend study meetings with Mero and Rachnera. Just by inspecting the massage chair, she’d been able to change herself into a copy with similar features. Her mind—or the slime equivalent—was incredible.

“Is Suu awesome? Is Suu smart?” she asked.

“Yeah…yeah…you’re awesome… I’m gonna fall asleep…” No sooner had Kimihito said it than he started to doze.

“Master, you can’t sleep yet—”

“Man, that slime’s got more tricks than I do,” Doppel remarked.

“Are ye incapable of a feat such as this?” Lala asked.

Doppel silently bowed her head. “I can become any person I like, but changing into an object? Inanimate stuff is next level.”

“I see.”

“Think of it as Suu’s special move,” she said, watching the Suu Massage Chair rumble harder and smiling. “She’s got him taken care of. We could go home, if we wanted.”

“I remain tied to this place,” Lala said.

“Was there something you wanted to do?”

“Hm?” Lala hid her mouth in her scarf. “Rumor has it, the other homestay girls outdid themselves. As a shinigami, me name would be forever blackened were I tae skive off work. If our fate is tae tend this poor soul, then so be it. Here I will remain.”

“Ah ha? Oh ho? Is that it? Or do you just want to repay him for taking care of you?”

“Hmph!” Lala responded indignantly.

All the while, Kimihito drifted in his slime paradise, unable to hear them. Suu’s massage power was so overwhelming that he had even forgotten the concept of work. Nothing meant anything anymore. There was only the chair.

Suu, though, was busy analyzing their surroundings. There were several other patients at the relaxation facility. An oni used a massager on herself, and two other liminals—an eel-like mermaid and a centaur—were receiving spa treatments.

Then she saw an osteopath who was treating some sort of harpy. It was a logical treatment for a harpy to choose, since keeping their wings correctly aligned was so important. “Suu wants to try…that,” she said.

“Huh?” Kimihito said.

“Suuthe Master. Fix Master’s body.”

Kimihito had no time to react—Suu’s surface liquefied, and he dropped through. He was surrounded by her green gel with only his face exposed.

“Hey, uh, Buddy?” Doppel said.

“Just. Wait. Okay, Master?” Suu said. A loud crack followed.

“Aaaaaugh!” Kimihito screamed as she twisted him. It sounded like his bones were being broken.

“H-hey! Buddy! You okay?!” Doppel lost her cool.

“Ohhh man—this hurts!” Inside the gel his joints bent in unusual directions.

Suu continued to twist him, testing a variety of angles, ignoring his cries. “It will feel good soon,” she said.

“Ohhh myyy Goood,” he groaned, his voice as inhuman as his current pose. Terrifying cracks and snaps continued to reverberate around the hospital.

Doppel and Lala both stared at the scene in shock, not sure what to do. If they weren’t careful pulling him out, his body could get stuck in a weird position.

“Now. It’s good,” Suu said as she finally released Kimihito. Her work finished, he floated to the top, and she turned back into a massage chair.

“Th-that—was—terrible,” Kimihito gasped.

“Buddy! Hey! Are you alive? Did she break any bones?” Doppel asked.

“Uh—well—huh—?” He rolled onto his feet. He at least looked intact. His movements were smooth. “I feel kind of…light.”

“Suu did an adjustment,” Suu said.

He rolled his shoulder experimentally. Then he jumped a couple of times. Moving his arms and legs suddenly felt easy. “Suu! This is great! I feel light as a feather!”

“Suu did it right?”

Yeah—her massage made him feel the best he’d ever felt! Stretching himself out, he gave each of his joints a try in turn.

“Whoa! I’m jealous. Good job, Suu,” Doppel said.

“Hee hee. ♪”

“It hurt a bit while it was happening, but—do you want to try too, Doppel?” Kimihito asked.

Doppel shook her head. “My body’s built completely different from a human’s. It won’t work.”

“You want to? You want to?” Suu wriggled her whole body like a pudding on a plate. She was eager to try again.

“May I?” Lala asked, raising her hand. She removed her head, set it on a nearby table, and sat her body on Suu.

“Wooooo~!” vibrated Suu.

Lala’s body twitched and quivered. “Ahhhhh…like magic…” her head sighed.

“Suu…will make Lala…relax, too…”

“Could get used tae this…” She let out a moan like she was experiencing the greatest pleasure of her life.

“So much for being here to help Kimihito,” Doppel said. “Guess it’s up to me. Shall we head to the bath?”

“The bath? Why? What’re you planning?” he asked warily.

“You’ll see. Look forward to it. While you’re getting changed, I’ll prepare.”

“Prepare…?”

Doppel, despite her nurse’s uniform, was wearing a very un-nurse-like evil grin. Knowing how much she liked playing practical jokes, he took it as a bad omen. “It’s fiiine. It’s a proper hot spring. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Since there weren’t many places like this that catered to liminals, it made sense they’d have every possible relaxation option under the same roof. “I guess?” he said. A bath did sound like the perfect follow-up to that massage.

He allowed her to push him towards the bath area.

“Ahhhhh…ohhhhh…yessss…” Lala’s moans reverberated behind them as they left.

 

***

 

“Phew,” sighed Kimihito, settling up to his shoulders in the large bath. He hadn’t paid any mind to how much work he’d done, but his muscles had kept track, and he was surprised how much tension the massage and hot water had released.

As he got comfortable, he looked around him, taking in the sights of the bath. “This place is huge,” he remarked. To accommodate a range of liminals, it had very deep sections, very shallow sections, and even a single-person wooden tub to the side. None of them were quite right for a human like him, but that didn’t stop him getting comfortable.

“Plus…I feel kind of weird having the whole place to myself.” There was no one else around, but that didn’t make any sense. There’d been plenty of people in the massage room, so why wasn’t anyone in the bath? “Guess it means I can take my time,” he said, stretching out.

At that moment, a voice called out. “Heya, Buddy! Have you gotten warmed up?” Wasn’t this the men’s bath? How’d she gotten in?

“Huh?”

“Ha ha ha! Look at your stupid face! Knew it’d be worth it to turn into the cleaning lady.” A completely nude Doppel entered the room.

“Doppel! Why’re you here?” he shouted.

“Didn’t I say I would be? I’m here to wash your back,” she said.

“You got rid of your uniform!”

“It’s a bath. Duh.” Not that nudity mattered to her. Her hair swept around her chest and nether region, keeping her decent. That didn’t change the fact that this was the men’s bath.

“What if someone comes in?”

“I put up a sign saying the baths are being cleaned. We’ve got the place to ourselves.” She’d clearly thought this through. “Come on over. Like I said, I’m here to wash your back.” She had poured body wash onto a sponge, and now she was close, kneading it and lathering it up. Her dark skin struck a beautiful contrast with the pale bubbles.

Crawling along the bath floor, she found a chair and brought it over for him to sit on. As she ducked, stood, crouched, and straightened, her hair followed along to keep her modest. It was impressive that it kept up.

Seeing her put in so much effort forced him to concede. “Ugh, fine,” he said. He stood from the water and wrapped a towel around his waist.

She was ready, the soapy sponge in hand. She smiled at him pleasantly.

He sat on the bath chair and allowed her to touch his back with the sponge. “I hope nobody sees this.”

“Nobody will. Jeez. If someone did, I’d turn into a guy, and we’d be fine,” she said.

“I guess so.” His back was coated in bubbles.

She started to scrub. “All right. Now, as thanks for your hard work, let me spoil you a bit.”

Confused, he just said, “Thanks…?”

“You really helped Zombina, Tio, and Manako this week,” she said as she continued to scrub, “despite having your homestay girls to take care of. I feel bad about that, and I want to make it up to you.”

“It wasn’t hard. Everyone else did their part, too.”

“Hah! If you say so. Tio was so happy she got to be an idol, and Manako was less shy when she got back to the office. Zombina, uh…I dunno, she got to drink alcohol? A due to the dead. Hah.” The fact she wanted to do something for him was so unexpected that he hadn’t fully processed it yet. She loved to play practical jokes and get him flustered and tease him, but there was also a side to her that cared for MON and the other people around her.

“Why’re you making that face?” she asked as she scrubbed a few more inches clean.

“I’ve just never heard you talk about your colleagues like that, Doppel,” he said.

“Well. I don’t, normally. It’s been weird working apart this week. The work program felt kinda private.”

“Private how?”

“Like Tio getting to live her idol dream without us seeing it. We don’t know what happened on that stage.”

“Ahh, true.” She’d been incredible, and had an incredible night, but MON hadn’t been there to share it with her.

“That’s why I want to show my gratitude for you looking after the team. In lieu of Smith saying so, I’m here to say thanks, Buddy.”

“You’re welcome.”

“So that about sums up why I’m giving you this nice, skillful wash! Pity I’m not a cute girl, that’d be the icing on the cake, huh?” She took the detachable showerhead from its fixture so she could rinse the huge mass of bubbles off his skin.

The embarrassment set back in when he heard her describe the situation, but there was one part of her description he couldn’t let stand. “That’s not true, Doppel.”

“Huh?”

“You are a cute girl,” he said.

There was a long silence. He had his back to her, so he couldn’t see, but her body had frozen, and her hair had moved in to cover her reddening face.

“Doppel?” he asked when the silence went too long. He tried to turn.

Her hair wrapped around his head and forced him to face forward.

“Gwuh!”

“J-just give me a minute!” she said.

“If you’re embarrassed, put on some clothes!”

“You know that’s not what this is about! I’m gonna rinse you, so stay put!”

“Blugh!” he spluttered as he was struck with pressurized water. Doppel soaped up the sponge again for another round of scrubbing. He stayed still and didn’t bother resisting.

“Okay, time for the front!”

“What?! I’m fine, I’ll do that part!”

“Quit complaining! Nurse Doppel is here!”

“Why do you sound so angry?!”

Soon they were scuffling. Doppel tried to tear off Kimihito’s towel, and he tried his darndest to keep it on. Her usual devious expression had returned. There wasn’t a hint of mercy in her eyes.

“I’m done! It’s fine! I’m clean!” Kimihito said.

“No you’re not!” Doppel shouted.

He escaped her grasp and bolted for the changing room with shocking speed. He’d had to learn how to dodge his liminal housemates, and those techniques had long since become muscle memory. And after all the treatments he was in peak condition. Unstoppable.

“Ugh. Whatever. I did get to say thanks,” Doppel said, scratching her head. “It’s fine to relax sometimes, right? In the bath, or—” She looked at the tubs. “Yeah. Whatever. Let’s just take a bath.” Stepping into the water, she sank in deep.

 

***

 

“Um…”

“Hm?” Kimihito had gotten out of the bath, dressed, and bought some coffee-flavored milk to sip. Midway through his drink, Lala approached, still in her strange nurse uniform-scarf combo.

“What’s up, Lala?” he asked.

“Y’see…” She fidgeted. He knew this was a misdirection to hide her awkwardness. Whenever she either spouted off paragraphs of flowery prose, or refused to speak at all, it was cover for her not knowing what to say. At times like this, he couldn’t figure her out either.

“Do you…need my help?”

“Uh…” She hid her lower face in her scarf and peered at him over it. “Tha’ wretched mound o’ slime and her benighted, tricksome accomplice hae disappeared in pursuit of some unknown end.”

“If you mean Doppel’s in the bath, I know. Why?”

“She claimed it was mixed bathing.”

“Yeah…”

“She also advised not tae bother her. Thus I must focus on me own dark tasks. Which is tae say, the work of a nurse,” Lala paused, struggling with what to say next. “Yet I am a shinigami, a reaper of souls, who leads mortals tae their final rest. When Yuuhi spoke tae me, I realized I am incapable of healing you without making a hash of it.”

“That’s why you’re upset?”

“I’m not upset! I’m a shinigami! It’s just—I’m not comfortable with a job so contrary to me nature.”

She was getting more nervous as they talked. He sighed. “Want some coffee milk?”

“Hm. Yes,” she said.

He bought her a bottle with some change and brought it over.

Lala’s expression stayed neutral as she lifted her head and poured the milk into her exposed esophagus. He supposed most humans would’ve been uncomfortable watching that, but he was used to it.

“Ahhh,” Lala said as she replaced her head like a cap on a bottle.

“Do you feel any calmer?”

“Aye, t’be sure. I am a shinigami. I may wear the wings of an angel, but ’tis the underworld I consort with.”

“Well—” Before he could reply, she pulled her scythe from who-knew-where. She usually carried it around with her, and he hadn’t figured out where it went when she didn’t. It was like magic how she manifested it from thin air. “Wh-what’re you doing—”

“I regret tae say, this is the only option before us.”

“Watch where you’re waving that scythe—”

She ignored his protests and swung it hard at his neck.

Stars danced in his vision. “Hngh—” He felt his consciousness fading. As he sank into oblivion, he felt, improbably, like he had been there before.

 

***

 

A river burbled nearby. There was a chattering like birdsong. Despite the tranquil sounds, Kimihito knew where he was—on the banks of the Sanzu River, where only the dead or dying could go. “Ungh, Lala…!” He sat up abruptly as he fully regained consciousness.

As he did, he realized that his head had been lying on her lap. In the world of the living, she’d been wearing nurse’s whites. Her current outfit was clearly still a nurse’s uniform but changed, customized to her personality. She was still in a healing mood, then.

“You don’t have to kill me every time you want to tell me something important,” he grumbled.

“I can’t get the words right if I don’t say it here!” She averted her eyes as her face turned red.

By “here,” she meant the afterlife—or, to be more precise, the boundary between life and death. Whenever Lala had to discuss something important and couldn’t get past her difficulty speaking, she’d bring him to the riverside.

Of course, despite his best efforts, Kimihito had more than his fair share of near-death experiences. He was becoming familiar—if not comfortable—with this place. Whenever he returned to life and left, he’d forget what happened, only to remember on his next visit.

These were rare opportunities to hear what Lala was really thinking. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked.

“Um.” As a dullahan, a liminal who styled herself as a guardian of the dead, she was in her element. She could be more straightforward here than in the living world, but it didn’t make her outright confident. No matter how relaxed and in her element she felt, she was still Lala. “I—I just wanted tae soothe ye as the other girls have,” she said.

“By trying to kill me?”

“You’ll get better!”

“Hmph. Fine. What’s done is done.” They’d been through this routine a few times now. She was right, it didn’t have any lasting consequences, and he was always revived without any trouble. His ambivalence to being killed was part of what made him so popular with liminals… He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “Has coming here given you any ideas?”

“In this world ye’re just yer soul. Doppel and Suu tended tae yer body, so I thought I’d do something spiritual instead.”

“I see…” It was a soothing place, with a clear sky, the delicate murmur of the river, and a field of flowers stretching in every direction. If he weren’t just a soul, he’d suggest a picnic. “How does that work, though?”

“I am a dullahan: guardian of souls, shepherd of souls, shaper of souls.”

“R-really?” he asked. What did that even mean?

This was Lala’s world, Kimihito was just un-living in it, so he had to trust she could do whatever she was planning. “First,” she said and tugged her head off with an audible pop. As ever, she treated it like an object. “Take me head.”

“Okay?” He took it from her. Though he was sure it’d look ghoulish to others, he was used to it. Was it bad he’d gotten used to it?

Her headless body sat next to him.

“I took your head,” he said.

“Mm-hmm,” she said.

“What do we do now?”

She didn’t reply. He peeked curiously at the head in his arms and discovered…she was sleeping. Lala’s head rested on Kimihito’s lap and breathed deeply, eyes closed tight.

“H-hey, Lala! Wake up!”

“Huh?” She woke with a start. “I wasn’t sleeping. I dinna fall asleep.”

“Then what was that? Wasn’t I supposed to be the one relaxing?”

“Yer arms were so comfortable I dozed a bit. However, this is a land of spirits, where it is impossible to ‘sleep’.”

“Then what were you doi—”

“It was an illusion,” she said. “Just hold me. Please.”

“O-okay.”

“Um…how is it?”

“How’s what?”

“Isn’t it soothing? Like holding a plush toy?” There was a triumphant look on her face.

“A plush toy? Really?”

“Are ye not soothed?” Her triumph was replaced with sadness.

“Um…of course it’s soothing! Your cheeks are so soft and huggable, like a mascot character!” A severed head mascot character sounded unlikely, but he didn’t want to upset her.

“Hold me as long as you like, then.”

“Thanks.”

“As fer me body…” It leapt to its feet in surprise, like a soldier called to attention. “How ’bout a dance?” As she spoke, her body did an awkward, dance-like shuffle. It looked a bit like a marionette being pulled around against its will. It was obvious she wasn’t used to dancing.

“Not if you don’t want to!” he said to her body.

The body paused, its limbs slack, and then dropped back onto the grass beside him. It seemed like, despite being part of the same person, her head and body each had minds of their own. “Ye know, yer a very special person, Kimihito,” she said.

“Hm?”

“Your soul never tires. Perhaps there’s some weariness, but it powers through, too committed tae others tae ever let itself rest. Weren’t ye exhausted after all those nights with Miia and the others?”

“A bit, but it was a lot of fun, so I didn’t notice. I didn’t want to miss any of it.”

“How’m I supposed tae heal ye, though, if there’s nothing tae heal?” she said forlornly.

“Maybe it’s not obvious,” he said, “but this is healing.” Except for… “I wish I didn’t have to have a near-death experience to come here.”

“Oh. I’m sorry about that.”

She might act out, but she always apologizes. Lala’s such a kind girl, thought Kimihito. “It doesn’t seem to cause any damage. In fact, when I wake up, it’s kinda refreshing. Isn’t visiting the countryside supposed to be good for your health?”

“True.”

It had been a busy few days. Miia, Papi, Centorea, Suu, Mero, and Rachnera…everyone did their best for the pilot program. Lala, too. Maybe all their efforts were for a boring, bureaucratic purpose, but they’d made it a special experience. It didn’t matter that he was tired. He was just grateful he’d been there.

“But I’m kinda surprised, Lala, that you’re interested in something as mundane as a work experience.”

“I am nae,” she said immediately. Here, in her own space, she could be honest with him. The real Lala was kinder than she seemed but also colder somehow. “However, I made a promise.”

“A promise?”

“Yes. We all did. A promise to help ye. Ye are very loved,” she said.

“Really?” Kimihito asked. He hadn’t noticed. Suddenly, in that moment, he realized what Miia and the other girls had been planning. “Everyone said they wanted to do the work experience program so they could buy clothes and stuff—but some of them mentioned other plans, too. Do you know anything about that, Lala?”

“Maybe ye’ve figured it out, but I’d prefer not tae ruin the surprise.”

“I’ll pretend not to know, then,” he said with a smile.

Whatever he realized in this world would be forgotten the moment he woke. Any guesses he made here, whether they were right or not, wouldn’t matter soon anyway.

“Ahh,” Lala sighed, “it’s about time.”

“For me to leave?”

“Ye’ll wake naturally.”

Just as she said it, he started to feel sleepy. He was about to revive from his near-death experience. It’d happened before. He didn’t doubt it’d happen again.

“Always cuddling up to someone, eh?” Lala murmured.

His eyes fluttered. Though her head was in his hands, it sounded much farther away. The burble of the river subsided. The field, and his field of vision, filled with mist.

“Ye’re such a warm person. I’d like tae stay close to you,” she said. Her voice was no louder than a whisper. Adrift, lost between two worlds, he’d almost passed on when…

Lala’s body pulled him back onto her lap. He felt himself recline into her. Her lap was so soft. “Don’t forget. After ye die, yer soul belongs tae me.”

He couldn’t understand her words, but he recognized the excitement in her voice.

“It’s up tae ye tae enjoy yer remaining time on earth.”

 

***

 

“Master! Master!”

“Hey, Buddy, you okay?”

Voices echoed around him. When he opened his eyes, two green and tan blurs stood over him. They resolved into two girls who leapt into his arms. “Wh—?! Suu! Doppel!”

“Finally! You were passed out cold on the floor!” Doppel shouted.

He looked around. Suu prodded at him in concern, fingertips squishing like jelly.

“What happened?” he asked. He remembered drinking coffee milk and…then nothing. He didn’t know why he’d collapsed.

“You okay, Master? Your body’s not weird?” Suu asked.

“No, it’s…it’s fine,” he said. Despite falling on a tiled floor, he didn’t have any cuts or bruises, and he felt refreshed. “No pain, no stress, no injuries. Must’ve been your massage, Suu.”

“Really? Really true?”

“Really.” He stood and flexed his shoulder in a circle. He meant to show how well he was feeling, but Suu’s worried expression didn’t change at all.

“So what, you just got tired and fell asleep?” Doppel asked, skeptical.

“Yeah, that’s probably it,” he said. “I must’ve just been really relaxed after everything you both did.”

“Hey now.” The compliment made the concern on her face change into a grin. “Don’t think flattery’ll get you another round, y’know?”

Suu finally smiled, too.

“You.” It was a soft, severe voice—Lala had crept up on them without a sound. “How fare ye?”

“Lala…? I’m fine. What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I have long since tired of this outfit. Let us depart these blinding halls for darker realms,” Lala said.

Doppel seemed sick of the outfit, too. “Yeah, let’s get changed and roll out. Home time! And you get some real sleep, Buddy, I was worried you’d hit your head.”

“But I feel fine…” he mumbled.

He felt Lala’s gaze on him for a moment, but as he turned to meet it, she avoided him.

Kimihito wasn’t sure what that meant. Although…before Doppel and Suu woke him, he might’ve seen her face in his dreams.

“Master, home,” Suu said, holding his hand. Her grip was soft and cool, and he smiled when he felt it.

He didn’t remember what had happened while he was asleep, but whatever it was, it had taken the last bit of tension from him. Both his body and soul were at peace. That he awoke so refreshed proved it was time well spent.