Chapter 21: Realizing Too Late

Chapter 21: Realizing Too Late

When Zhao Yu came out, Zhou Lan followed closely behind him: "Are you really going? Talk it over with Mr. Chen one more time."

Seeing Zhao Yu remain silent, Zhou Lan cut him off in the stairwell: "Think it through. Going to see Gu Hansheng is just asking for humiliation. God knows what he'll do to you!"

"Move." Zhao Yu pushed him aside and walked downstairs with a cold expression.

Zhou Lan watched his retreating figure, a bitter lump forming in his throat. At first, he had thought Zhao Yu was trying to swoop in and steal Chen Xitong's position, and had even secretly been pissed off for him. But as Chen Li kept feeding Zhao Yu to the wolves again and again, he suddenly realized that Zhao Yu had only gotten a pathetic scrap from this scheme of pretending to be a substitute for love.

Chen Li and Chen Xitong had an unbreakable bond, while Zhao Yu, who shared their blood, was thoroughly treated as nothing more than a tool—sucked dry, forced to carry the whole damn load on his scrawny shoulders.

Did anyone care that he wasn't a thing, but a real person who bled and cried?

Even Zhou Lan had been complicit in this whole mess.

Zhou Lan's gut twisted with frustration, and he couldn't help but shout: "Then don't go! I'll lend you the cash!"

Zhao Yu stopped and looked up at him from the steps below, flashing him a grateful smile: "Thanks, but I don't wanna drag you into this mess."

They had chatted before, and Zhou Lan had mentioned that his family didn't have much, with most of his paycheck going to his folks back in the countryside. Back then, Zhao Yu hadn't reacted much, like he couldn't relate to his struggles at all. But today, he turned down the money because he remembered exactly what Zhou Lan had told him.

This young man, who had that fed-up, done-with-everything look whenever he wasn't imitating Chen Xitong, wasn't as cold and detached as he let on. On the contrary, he remembered what his friends said and actually took it to heart.

Watching Zhao Yu's figure descend the stairs, Zhou Lan's eyes suddenly stung. He held it together for a second, then kicked the wall hard, like he wanted to kick this shitty world over.

...

Zhao Yu felt like he'd just swallowed a bug—pissed off and disgusted. Of course, he knew that walking right into the line of fire with Gu Hansheng was asking for humiliation, but he had no choice but to suck it up and go.

The cab pulled up to the Tuotu building. He walked to the front desk and said, "Hello, I'm here to see Mr. Gu."

The receptionist said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Chen, but you're on the blacklist. You're not allowed into Tuotu."

"Is Mr. Gu in today?"

"I can't say for sure."

"Ma'am, I really need to see Mr. Gu—it's urgent. Just let me in—I'll be out in ten minutes."

"I really can't. Why don't you call Mr. Gu? If he says it's cool, then it's cool."

Zhao Yu had already called Gu Hansheng on the way over, but his number was blocked. Unable to get in and not about to leave empty-handed, he just plopped down in the lobby.

But then the receptionist came over again: "Mr. Chen, you can't sit here."

"Why not?"

"This is still part of the Tuotu building. People on the blacklist aren't allowed in here." The receptionist gestured for him to leave: "If you're gonna wait for Mr. Gu, do it out in the plaza."

This wasn't just kicking him out—it was a straight-up humiliation. Around quitting time, people passing by turned to stare, eyeing him up from every direction.

Zhao Yu clenched his jaw and headed out the front door.

The plaza was dead empty—nowhere to even sit. Zhao Yu paced outside the glass building with his arms crossed, trying to figure out how to apologize without sounding like a total phony.

The receptionist who'd booted him watched from a distance and whispered to her colleague: "Another one dumped by Mr. Gu who won't take the hint. Can't get rid of him. Brought him lunch one time and now thinks he's the main squeeze."

"No kidding. Look at him, still hanging around. Shameless."

Zhao Yu knew people would talk, but he swallowed his pride and waited anyway. Two hours later, his legs were numb from crouching, when he finally spotted Gu Hansheng coming out.

Gu Hansheng was in a black suit, face like ice, and even his secretary didn't dare say a word next to him. Gu Hansheng wasn't usually that stiff—he'd crack jokes with the staff, and everyone said he was way better to work for than the last boss. But the last few days, he'd done a complete 180. He was in a shit mood, not a hint of a smile anywhere. A supervisor brought in a report with one typo and got chewed out so bad that the guy, in his forties, walked out of his office with red eyes.

People tried to fish for info on the down low, but even the secretary had no clue what was going on. The two stepped out of the building and walked right into Zhao Yu.

Zhao Yu was in his own clothes—gray hoodie, black jacket. With the light-colored disguise gone, his real self was showing. He wasn't the sweet, sunny "Chen Xitong" anymore, and he wasn't about to fake that bright smile either.

Gu Hansheng barely glanced at him, then acted like he didn't even exist, heading to the parking lot without a sideways glance.

"Mr. Gu!" Zhao Yu quickened his pace to keep up. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did..."

Before he could even get the apology out, Gu Hansheng said expressionlessly to his secretary, "Call security. Get him dragged out of here."

The secretary waved at the security booth, and two guards came jogging over right away.

Zhao Yu's face changed a little. He rushed in front of Gu Hansheng: "I'm really sorry, Mr. Gu. I know I pissed you off. If you're mad, take it out on me—just don't pull the investment. I'll do whatever you want... Mr. Gu...!"

The two guards grabbed Zhao Yu, dragged him to the edge of the lot, and shoved him out hard. Zhao Yu stumbled from the shove, watching helplessly as Gu Hansheng climbed into his car. The Maybach zoomed past, the tinted windows cutting him off completely.

Even after the taillights vanished around the corner, Gu Hansheng hadn't given him so much as a look.

The guard snapped, "Get the hell out! This is your warning—come back and we won't be so nice!"

Zhao Yu was beyond humiliated. He shot the guard a death glare, flipped him off, then pulled his jacket closed and walked off.

A gray VW pulled out from under the trees across the street and slowly caught up to Zhao Yu. Zhou Lan leaned over: "Get in. I'll take you home."

Zhao Yu bent down and said, "Zhou, can you drop me off at Gu Hansheng's place instead?"

"Security there won't let you in either. You can't even get past the front gate. It's getting late—let's go back and figure this out."

Zhao Yu hesitated, then got in.

He knew getting through to Gu Hansheng wouldn't be easy, but he was still bummed—he hadn't expected to not even get one look.

Zhou Lan had watched him get thrown out with his own eyes, and it sat heavy on him. He tried to comfort him, but seeing Zhao Yu still looking so beaten down, he said, "A young master from the Song family is tight with Mr. Gu. He's a regular at every club in town. I'll have a buddy keep an eye out—if Mr. Gu shows up with him, I'll give you a heads up. But I'm telling you straight up, I don't recommend hunting for Gu Hansheng in a place like that. Remember that woman I told you about, the one who got roofied and humiliated? Once people step into those places, even their morals go out the window."

Zhao Yu said, "Thanks."

Zhou Lan sighed: "Don't just hear half of what I said. I mean wait for him outside the club. He's gotta come out eventually, and people who've had a few drinks are easier to talk to."

"Yeah. Got it."

Hearing how half-assed his reply was, Zhou Lan regretted even suggesting it. Zhao Yu didn't have much self-respect—or rather, he'd sell any part of himself to get what he wanted. And that reckless willingness to throw himself under the bus could end up destroying him. Zhou Lan had seen that side of him, and it worried him even more.

Zhou Lan dropped him off at his place and told him, "Don't go back to Tuotu to find him. If you need to go somewhere, call me—anytime."

Zhao Yu waved and headed into the stairwell.

He trudged up to the tenth floor and saw a package at his door. He figured it was a wrong delivery, but picked it up to check anyway. When he saw it was addressed to Chen Xitong, he tore it open as he walked in—and froze at what was inside.

It was the pajamas he'd bought for Gu Hansheng way back when. They were a pre-order, so they'd never shipped, and he'd basically forgotten all about them. He never thought they'd actually show up today. He pulled out the pajamas—the fabric was super soft, and the deep blue was gorgeous.

He suddenly remembered the night he'd picked them out, his finger sliding across a cracked phone screen. He'd asked Gu Hansheng if blue looked good, and Gu Hansheng said it did, then leaned in and kissed him out of nowhere. That night, a brutal storm had ripped through the city, rain pounding the windowsill, but the room was warm and dry.

That kiss wasn't gentle—it was possessive and aggressive, like he was trying to rip through Zhao Yu's shell and grab the soul underneath.

He'd really felt Gu Hansheng's love, pouring out without holding back, drowning him in it. In that moment, he'd almost forgotten he wasn't Chen Xitong, that he had no right to take warmth from Gu Hansheng, and he'd nearly gotten lost in that kiss.

Zhao Yu clutched his pajamas to his chest, leaning against the wall as he slowly crouched down.

He had thought he only felt guilt toward Gu Hansheng—all the discomfort, the sleepless nights, all stemming from guilt. But another kind of ache surged up belatedly, like bubbles rising in soda water, churning and bursting in his throat right now.

The sting of Gu Hansheng's cold treatment hit him harder than he'd expected. That love was never his to begin with, yet he had enjoyed being loved. The illusory bubbles burst, revealing the fragile foundation of this relationship.

He had long been numb to violence—facing color discrimination while studying abroad, being beaten bloody by Zhao Lianfeng at home. Being shoved and thrown out by security guards like today was nothing to him. Because he didn't care about those people. On his way to see Gu Hansheng today, he had also thought he didn't care how Gu Hansheng would treat him. But now, he suddenly realized that wasn't true.

Gu Hansheng's icy expression, his tone, and the hint of disgust that slipped through—all of it pierced him, making him understand that love and favoritism would never come again. He was just a dispensable counterfeit, an insignificant nobody in Gu Hansheng's eyes—like the impertinent little media outlet outside the F1 circuit or Zhang Pan's assistant, not worth a single extra word, brushed away with a flick of the fingers like dust.

Zhao Yu suddenly lost the courage to face Gu Hansheng again. He wanted to flee this apartment, to hide somewhere that bore no trace of Gu Hansheng.

But he couldn't leave. He didn't have the right to be weak.