Chapter 6: You Can’t Judge People Based on Their Looks

Chapter 6:
You Can’t Judge People Based on Their Looks

 

“LET’S GO OUT SHOPPING!” Filia cried maybe thirty seconds after waking up, raising up her right arm like she was reporting for duty.

“Shopping? What are you going to buy?”

“Clothes! Look at this old outfit. How long have I been wearing it? I’ll answer for you, dear Yuri: too long. It’s about time I change it up.” Filia picked up her light white dress and lifted it high. Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen Filia wear anything except for that dress outside and the pajamas she wore indoors.

“You don’t really bother with what’s fashionable right now, do you, Filia? You not interested in that kind of thing?”

“Oh, I’ve been there, done that. Fashion is rather bothersome. As long as I have one outfit, isn’t that enough?”

Filia didn’t just have magic suitable for battle at her disposal; she also knew several spells for everyday living—or practical magic spells, as they call ’em. You know, spells that could remove dirt or stains from clothing, or spells to make small objects float through the air and into arm’s reach. Because Filia could instantly do laundry with her practical magic, just one outfit was probably enough for her.

Elves were amazing, for sure… But knowing Filia, a good quantity of her magic had to be devoted to making her life more convenient.

“You know, the image I have of you in my head has changed somehow.”

“Changed for the better, I would hope,” said Filia, drawing closer to me, a fascinated look on her face…

“Into a muscle one.”

At which point Filia immediately stopped approaching. “Sometimes I really don’t think we understand one another, Yuri.”

I tried to clarify. “It’s just that I don’t have any interest in clothes, either. Thus, a sense of camaraderie is born, already blazing between us!”

“Hurray,” said Filia. “Listen, it’s not like I’m not interested in fashion. It’s just that there’s…so much of it! Too much. And I am a very busy woman.”

“Don’t be embarrassed.”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

Okay, sure, she wasn’t embarrassed.

With that, we made our way to the largest clothing store in Astarte. It was way bigger than I’d expected, and they had just about everything, from what I recognized as your normal every day shirts, trousers, dresses, and the like to odd things that didn’t seem like clothing at all!

“Since we came all the way here, guess I should buy something too, huh?” I pondered aloud.

I collected some clothing that worked for me—shirt, trouser, vest, jacket, you know—and went ahead and bought ’em. Because my clothes always got torn to shreds whenever I showed off my muscles, I could never have enough outfits.

“Thank you very much, sir!”

“Thank you.”

Having wrapped up my own shopping, I headed over to the women’s clothing section. There I found Filia with a finger to her chin and a serious look on her face. “Hmm.”

“Still haven’t decided?”

“A Lady must take her time to be certain of an outfit’s capacity for cuteness.”

All this despite being fine with one outfit just a few hours ago? Really?

“It’s exactly because I’m fine with one outfit that I must make sure it is the absolute cream of the crop! That is the way of a true capital-L Lady.”

“I see. That aside, don’t peek inside my head.”

Filia responded with a long, bouncy “Sorryyyyyyy” that didn’t sound like she was feeling remotely apologetic. Eh, no big deal—she wasn’t acting that outlandishly.

“Nevertheless,” she declared, gazing through the ceiling of the store to the heavens themselves, “I simply cannot decide…”

Filia wandered about the store wearing a look of deep thought. Occasionally she took some clothes in hand, but almost immediately she’d throw them right back. Again, again, again… When would it end?

Maybe I could start muscle training while I waited? The instant that thought went through my mind, Filia clapped her hands together—whap!—as if she had to give her good idea a little slap before using it.

“That’s it! Since you’re here, I want you to choose an outfit for me, Yuri.”

“Me…? I don’t mind doing it, but do you really trust my taste?”

“Think of it this way: if you pick something I don’t like, we’ll be here even longer. Then you’ll just have to keep choosing forever and ever until you find something I do like. See? It’s going to be all right!”

“That is not what that phrase means.”

How long would this shopping trip take, doing it her way? I sighed—I’d probably need to put some serious thought into this, eh? Focusing intently, I used my sharp eyes to scan the entire store.

“Hm…”

There it was, a thing of beauty: a black outfit with dozens of dumbbells hanging from it. I could sense some serious heft energy (heftergy) emanating from it, and more importantly, it would be ideal for muscle training. On top of that, the description note attached to the outfit caught my interest.

“‘You’ll get jacked just from wearing this!’ Filia, don’t you want to be jac—”

“I have no interest in being ‘jacked,’ as you say! This isn’t for you to wear, Yuri, this is for me. If I wore that, I wouldn’t be able to take a single step, would I?” She gazed upon the outfit I’d suggested with icy incredulity.

Okay, hmm. Right. These weren’t clothes for me, but for Filia. In that case, I needed to pick something with Filia’s point of view in mind…which I could never figure out to begin with! On top of that, I had absolutely no idea what kind of clothing she even wanted. Ugh, growing up in the forest really didn’t leave much time to think about what any other humans might be thinking, let alone what kind of clothes they’d pick out!

What in the world was I supposed to do?

While I was “hmm, hmm-ing” to myself, Filia came up behind me and patted me on the shoulder with her delicate hand.

“Yuri, Yuri! Here, this is for you, Yuri.”

In her palm was a loop made of some kind of braided, colored thread. She handed it to me. It seemed she had bought it while I was agonizing.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“It’s called a misanga. It’s a good luck charm! If you wear it on your arm, your wish will come true when the bracelet threads wear out and snap.”

“Huh. So it can grant a wish? Thanks.” I tied the so-called good luck bracelet on my wrist.

“Yuri, what are you going to wish for?” asked Filia cheerfully, looking at my arm.

A wish, huh…? I’d never really thought about that kind of thing before either.

“Hm, yeah… How about ‘to be able to fight strong people’?”

Filia sniffed. “An awfully barbaric wish for such a cute charm.”

“Okay, let’s go with ‘to travel the world and have fun.’”

“Rather basic for a wish, wouldn’t you say?”

Yeesh, what a demanding person. Then again, maybe she had a point. What was a more suitable wish for me…?

“Aww yeah, I got it! ‘May the splendor of muscles be spread throughout the world.’ Dig it!”

“Wouldn’t you know, I may prefer the other wish.”

“Nope, this is the one. Just think about it—people really are strange outside of the forest. Take a gander!” I tossed away my coat and bulked up, my muscles expanding and my height shooting up. All around the store, people gasped and shrank away—or dedicatedly averted their eyes like I was some kind of creeper. Looking down from my fortress of muscles, I pressed my point. “See? It’s weird. Why aren’t these beautiful muscles properly appreciated? No matter how you slice it, people are just bizarre!”

Filia remained silent, not looking me in the eye. What was it? Was she charmed by my muscles? “Yuri,” she said slowly. “That misanga bracelet?”

“Yeah! My wish is—”

“It just snapped.”

“Ah.” I noticed the shredded pieces on the floor. When my muscles expanded, they had torn it to pieces.

“Yuri, I bought it especially for you! But you don’t even care, do you? Well, fine! Neither do I!” Filia huffed and spun around to turn her back to me.

“S-sorry, Filia. It wasn’t on purpose. I’m sorry!”

I shrank to my limited size and stumbled over an apology. Perhaps it had some effect because Filia reluctantly turned around again, though she was still pouting.

“Then if you really mean it, please pick some clothes that will actually suit me, and take it seriously! If you keep fooling around, I’ll get really mad.”

“O-okay.”

I hadn’t been fooling around or anything since the start—not once!—but this really wasn’t the right time to say so. I absolutely couldn’t fail, not this time!

Poring over the countless outfits, I examined everything, scrutinizing each item to find something that perfectly suited my companion. I summoned up the well of concentration I usually reserved for muscle training and set it upon this vital task—the task of finding an outfit that just shrieked “Filia!”

At last, I had my answer.

“Behold!”

I had picked out a complete outfit, down to the socks. A sleeveless dress first, a little more loose-fitting than what Filia was wearing right now—white, with pink gradation closer to the hem. On top of that, a long pink vest with green frills on the shoulders, and to top it off, white thigh-high socks. Filia carefully considered the outfit like a detective interviewing a suspect.

“Hm. So this is what you’re into, eh, Yuri?”

“N-no, I just thought it’d suit you, Filia.”

I was still a little anxious. I’d selected this outfit based on my intuition, after all. It probably would suit Filia—what wouldn’t?—but would she accept it?

“I see,” Filia mumbled, as if she were talking to herself, bending down to assess the outfit from top to bottom. Was it my imagination, or were her lips curving into a slight smile?

“Did I pass?” I asked.

“I’ll make an exception and forgive you this time around. I will cherish this outfit and wear it often. Thank you very much,” said Filia, bowing her head to me slightly.

I let out a deep sigh of relief. Thank goodness; the outfit met her standards. We’d only just come together as a team, and we hadn’t really been together that long, but there wasn’t really anyone else I found as gosh darn likeable as Filia. If I flubbed up on something as simple as this and it broke up our partnership, it would be too terrible to bear, and hella embarrassing to boot.

Since Filia said she wanted to put on the outfit before we went home, I waited for her outside the fitting room and did some anxious toe-raises.

At last, she stepped out with a cheerful, “Thank you for waiting!” and I went speechless.

Filia gripped the hem of her dress, looking slightly embarrassed. The white and pink were unspeakably cute on her, and her beautiful, porcelain-white thighs peeked out between the top of her thigh-high socks and the hem of her dress. She was captivating. Peerless, even.

Argh, I had to calm down! No getting seduced!

Biceps, obliques, femorals, pectorals, laterals…I started chanting the names of muscles in my mind to calm myself down. The universe had to be testing me. If my heart was swayed by something like this, how could I hope to devote myself to the ultimate cause of muscle?

“What do you say, Yuri? Does it suit me?” asked Filia, tilting her head to one side.

Deltoids, abs, triceps. Must…resist…this devilry!

“Well,” I said with perfect calmness. “I guess it kinda suits you?”

The power of muscles remains unmatched.

“Oh?” Filia batted her platonically ideal eyelashes. “Are you embarrassed, by any chance?”

“Nope!”

And so we safely finished our clothes shopping.

***

 

From there, we made our way toward the guild…only to find a sizable crowd on the main street and, somewhere beyond the crowd, the scent of blood. Danger. And if it wasn’t danger, blood still wasn’t a good smell to pick up in the middle of a town.

The crowd just kept getting bigger, in any case, which meant something had to be going on. Just when I was about to climb a building or fly to see if I could get a better look, a full head of spiky blond hair bobbed into view.

Hey, it was that guy, the one we sold the monster material to the other day! Named, uh…what was it again?

“Oh, hey, you two,” he said, jogging over to us. “What are you doing here?”

“Blonda-volcanos-guy,” I said, nodding confidently.

“Babandongas! Cryin’ out loud, at least remember a guy’s name. Especially a name like mine. It’s got character!”

“Sorry, it’s just that your head has way more impact than your name.”

“Don’t blame me for your crappy memory!”

I nodded over toward the crowd. “You know what happened here?”

“A murder, looks like.”

“Murder, huh?”

Murder. That definitely sounded dangerous. In the few days we’d spent here, I’d built up a pretty good impression of public order in Astarte, but apparently I was, er, dead wrong.

Babandongas gave a grim nod. “Yeah. There’s been an outbreak of ’em—they suspect a serial killer. One who kills indiscriminately with some kind of blade. They’ve been calling the guy ‘the Grim Reaper.’ He sounds like a real piece of work. They say even the local knights have been struggling to deal with him.”

“So, he’s strong? Well now, that’s what I like to hear.” My blood was starting to race, pumping in my veins. I hadn’t met any especially strong foes lately, after all. I really wanted to take this guy on!

“Hey, what’re your names?” asked Babandongas quietly, peering at the two of us.

“Yuri.”

“I’m Filia.”

“I can sense it. You’re pretty strong, aren’t ya? But be that as it may, you really shouldn’t let your guard down. That’s just a bit of advice from your senior.”

Babandongas really was a decent, trustworthy sort of guy, huh? Made me feel bad for making fun of his head. Still, there was one last thing I had to tell him.

I wagged my finger in his face. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. I appreciate your words of warning, but—putting me, the human, aside—Filia is an elf, you know? You’d better not go assuming she’s as young as she looks.”

Babandongas frowned and peered at Filia, scanning her from top to bottom with a newly wary eye. Finally, he shuddered and spoke through trembling lips. “I can barely imagine this cute girl could be older than me. D-don’t tell me she’s more than one hundred years old?”

Oof. Suddenly jumping straight to triple digits? He had some pluck…but he was far too naïve.

“I think it’s even worse than that. Filia is wise in the arts of deception and seduction. My guess is she’s a little over four hundr—”

“Oh my gods, I’m seventeen and I am standing right here! I remember telling you that when we first met, Yuri! Your memory can’t be that dreadful, can it?” she snapped. “Hmph!”

Angry Filia may have been about as threatening as a newborn puppy, but that was no reason not to apologize.

“Ba-ban-don-gas,” I said, stretching out each syllable for emphasis. “Asking a woman her age? Unbelievable. Don’t you have any sense of decorum?”

Babandongas jumped. “I-It’s my fault?!”

“No, Babandongas, it’s Yuri’s fault,” said Filia, running her palm down her face.

“Yeah. My bad. Sorry.”

Bah. My plan was in vain. Reality is cruel.

I thought we might get to continue chatting with Babandongas, but he suddenly cut the conversation short.

“Whoops. Sorry, but I need to be going. I’m worried about my kid sister.”

Ah, that was right, Babandongas said he had a younger sister who was fond of magic stones. With a serial killer on the loose, who wouldn’t be worried about their loved ones?

“You’re always thinking of your little sister, aren’t you?” asked Filia.

“Yup. Voltemia’s my reason for living, after all.”

Filia blinked. “W-wow, that’s intense…”

“I just want to do what I can for her, you know? Welp, Voltemia’s waiting for me, so I’ll see you guys around.” With that, Babandongas took off.

“What a lovely person,” said Filia. “He’s quite thoughtful, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. I get the feeling he might be taking it a little too far, though.”

To say that your sister is your “reason for living” didn’t sound normal. Now muscle training, that was a cause worth getting up for.

“So then,” I said, “How about we go to meet this Grim Reaper?”

“Pardon me, right now?”

“If we don’t, there’ll be more victims, right?”

“That’s…” Filia twisted her mouth for a moment. “That’s a sound argument, Yuri. How unusual, to hear such a thing from you.”

Come on, even I thought about other people sometimes! And also, I had to admit, I thought about beating them up if they were super strong.

“All right, so that’s your plan for the day,” said Filia. “But how would we find such a man?”

“We’ll use my muscley nostrils,” I replied, pointing at my nose. “If we follow the scent of the victim’s blood, it should lead us to the culprit.”

Filia clapped her hands and smiled. “Ha! Fascinating! Your nose really is a marvel, eh?” Filia leaned her face in close to mine—or rather, to my nose. Too cute, too close! Why did she have to do things like that? “You’re usually so… Well, you know, but you have moments of real cleverness, don’t you?”

What did she mean by “you know”? What did I know? “I’m always clever. I’m an intellectual, you know.”

“No need for jokes, Yuri; I already can’t take you seriously. You know, you truly are, with all due respect, usually lacking in the brains department. This is the era for intelligent characters. Intelligent characters like,” she puffed out her small, thoroughly unmuscled chest, “a certain Filia!”

I gave her a sideways glance, remembered myself, and immediately averted my eyes. “Your pectoral muscles are lacking,” I mumbled. “Train more.”

“This has absolutely nothing to do with my chest! You absolute idiot, Yuri!” she snapped, hugging her body as if to hide her all-too-thin chest. Enough of that, though. It was time to track the scent of our killer. The Grim Reaper, huh? I was pretty scythed to challenge the guy.