Chapter 8: The Scent of Flowers Fills My Nose

Chapter 8:
The Scent of Flowers Fills My Nose

 

WHEN FILIA AND I ARRIVED at the headquarters of the knight order, we found a redbrick structure that gave off the same impression of sincerity, fortitude, and vigor you’d expect from the knights themselves. As we approached the entrance, a knight by the door waved us down.

“Hello, there,” he said, with a polite sort of formality. “This is the headquarters for Astarte’s knight order. How may I help you?”

“I killed that Grim Reaper guy.”

“Ahem. Do pardon me, you did what?”

“I killed that Grim Reaper guy.”

“H-huh? I-I must alert my superiors, please wait here for a moment!” Stammering and tripping over himself, the knight rushed inside before turning, remembering to salute, and running back inside.

“He’s sure flustered, huh?” I said.

“Well, considering your unique way of introducing yourself, I’d say it’s perfectly natural for him to be a little thrown.”

“Okay, but I read that if you keep your messages brief and to the point, it’s easier for people to understand you.”

“Bluntness has limits.”

Limits, huh? Should I just blather on, then? Ugh, but I hated making small talk or getting bogged down with details.

Shortly thereafter, we were brought inside and led to a small room. There, the knights asked us to describe the situation then left us alone for a bit. About ten minutes later, one of the knights came back into the room. He was tall with brown hair, clad in that same white knight uniform, and he exuded an air of calm dignity. He had a handsome face, even a beautiful one, and it was easy to tell he was popular even within the knight order.

He was a far cry from burly or huge, but I could tell he had trained well. The guy was built. Naturally, I liked him at once, and my opinion rose by the minute. People who train their body can’t be bad guys, you know?

“I apologize for the wait. We discovered the Grim Reaper’s corpse inside that abandoned building, just as you said.”

“Well, yeah.”

“Yuri,” Filia hissed. “The person we’re speaking with is the embodiment of the power of the state, so you should really mind what you say a little more! Ahem! I’m terribly sorry if my companion has caused you any trouble whatsoever.” She bowed her head to the man repeatedly.

Well, actually, I think it’s even ruder to snap at somebody while you’re right in front of a Power of the State guy or whatever, but what was I able to do about that? Anyway, the man didn’t show any signs of minding either of our behavior, and he shook his head a little, smiling gently at Filia.

“Oh, no, no, please, there’s no need to be so humble; I’d be happiest if you spoke casually around me. If I had to be stiff and formal all the time, even around people who aren’t knights such as yourselves, I feel like I wouldn’t have any time to be a real human, so to speak.”

“I see. I don’t really get it, but that sounds tough.”

“Ah ha ha, thank you for your sympathy, good sir.” The man let out a sigh, and after he changed his posture a bit to get comfortable, he bowed his head and spoke again: “I apologize for the late introduction. My name is Gauche Moratrim. I serve as the deputy commander of the knight order of the kingdom of man. I could not be more grateful for what you have done for us in solving this case. Truly, thank you.”

I mean, half the reason I did it was because I just wanted to fight, but gratitude’s always nice.

“And may I ask your names in turn?”

“I’m Yuri.”

“I am known as Filia.”

“Sir Yuri and Lady Filia, then. I will remember that,” said Gauche, smiling. Perhaps it was simply a polite business-like smile anyone would wear in these situations, but it seemed genuine, at least. If anything, he could act, unlike certain others I knew.

“To be honest, the best outcome likely would have been if we had managed to capture this Reaper fellow, but, well, so it goes. As I’m sure you’re aware, all manner of people are free to pass through the borders of this country as they please. However, this also brings us countless criminals of unknown origin, and we knights—the very shield of the people!—have been at something of a loss to contain them all. In fact, we’ve been pathetically incapable.” Gauche ground his teeth, looking deeply frustrated by the whole situation.

“Huh, hold on a sec. Could I be charged with a crime or something?” I blurted out, the words just spilling out of my mouth.

I’d been so absorbed in fighting that I’d forgotten about the whole “murdering a person is illegal” thing, even if the guy was a criminal. This really wasn’t like monster-hunting at all, yeesh.

But Gauche shook his head. “No, you will not be charged. Dealing out justice to brutally violent criminals is ‘a matter of life and death,’ after all. The knight order hadn’t yet caught the Grim Reaper, and we were beginning to fear we wouldn’t before he took even more victims. Charging you? No, we’re grateful to you.”

Seemed like my worries were just needless anxiety on my part, then. Nevertheless, a sense of relief washed over me. Congratulations to myself on not currently being arrested!

“More importantly, what say you to joining the knight order, Sir Yuri? Someone of your ability would be able to live quite a comfortable life in our ranks.” Gauche leaned forward as he made his proposal.

The knight order, huh…? Hmm.

“Sorry, but I’m gonna have to turn you down. I’m not too keen on being bound to an organization, and acting for the sake of other people isn’t really in my nature either,” I admitted.

“Oh dear, what a dreadfully selfish person our Yuri is!” teased Filia.

“Oh, shut it.” Watch yourself in front of the Power of the State my muscular butt, Filia.

Gauche, on understanding that I had no interest in his offer whatsoever, switched targets and turned from me to Filia.

“How about you, Lady Filia? Pardon my rudeness, but it looks to me that you possess a substantial amount of magical energy. Ah, perhaps you don’t know! You see, in this country, there is no problem with an elf serving with the knight order. We employ all comers. And though we are called ‘knights,’ not everyone in our company uses a sword.”

“My apologies. I’m afraid I cannot join your knight order, either. I’ve decided to accompany Yuri.”

“I see. That’s too bad.” Having been turned down by both of us, Gauche deflated. I could feel this aura hanging over him, one that was all tragic, brave, and maybe…sad?

“Are you really that short on manpower?”

“Oh, we have the men. It’s the power we lack. Our forces pale in comparison to you two… At any rate, the matter of the Grim Reaper is resolved. It’s time to return to the royal capital.”

I didn’t really understand everything he said, but yikes, he seemed to be having a pretty crappy day.

“Good work out there, though,” Filia piped up. “Thank you for everything you do for the people.”

“It is nothing but my knightly duty. And please, don’t thank me. I am the one who is grateful to you, in this case. I hope we might meet again.”

After a few last questions about our encounter with the Grim Reaper, Gauche parted ways with us and Filia and I made our way back to the inn.

On the now familiar road to our temporary home, Filia abruptly broke the silence. “Your nose really is amazingly handy, Yuri.”

“What? That was out of the blue.”

“Which leads me to a question: can you, by any chance, detect my scent?”

“Well, yeah, we’ve been together for a while now.”

Somehow we really had been, huh? The second I was asked, I could easily summon her precise smell to mind.

Filia simply said, “I see,” and put her hands behind her back. Paused. “What kind of smell do I have?”

“Huh? You want to know your own smell? Filia, do you have some kind of fetish?”

“Excuse me, what kind of fetish are you talking about? No, it’s just that we elves really don’t have any body odor. That’s why we don’t really know what we smell like. I simply wanted to learn about something I don’t understand. Is that so wrong, you bloodhound?” She sniffed. “But it’s fine! Fine, I say! I don’t even care anymore,” she added, and whirled around to face away.

It seemed I’d made her angry again.

“Well, let’s see,” I muttered. “It’s certainly true that compared to humans, your scent is much fainter, Filia. Ah, you don’t use any kind of perfume or anything, right?”

“Elves aren’t about dealing with strong, pungent odors, so we have no need for such trifles.”

Even though Filia was pouting, she still answered my question. Okay, things between us weren’t the worst they’d ever been. I continued.

“You have a scent that’s like, um…well, flowers. I haven’t ever picked up the scent of other elves before, so I didn’t know if that’s a characteristic that applies to all of you… But I think it’s nice. I like your scent, Filia.”

“Huh? Bu—hnngh—ha—um, I-I see…” She coughed loudly. “Yes, I, uhhnnn, see.” Another fit of loud, red-faced coughing.

I wasn’t going to call her out on the fact that she was stammering up a storm. Or on her forced coughing, either. I am, after all, a very gentle man. A gentle gentleman, if you will. In any case, it seemed she was in a better mood now, so that was good.

“I didn’t stammer.”

“You’re right. You didn’t stammer, Filia. So please stop glaring at me.”

I didn’t know what else to do, staring at that beet red face of hers.

“I didn’t stammer.”

“Yep, yep. I get it. I get it, okay?”

“I didn’t stammer.”

“Huh? Did you even hear what I said? I said I get it.”

“I didn’t stammer, okay?”

“Yeah, you didn’t. You didn’t, so let’s just go back to normal now!”

“Oh gods I did stammer! I really did stammer and had the audacity, the grim and vile gall, to lie to you about it! Please don’t look away from the enormity of my sin!”

Agh, she was way too emotionally unstable! Why was she getting mad at me? I really didn’t have much experience at all dealing with people, so I had absolutely no idea what I should do at times like these. Praise? Compliments seemed to work a charm.

“Yes, you did stammer, but it’s fine, isn’t it? It was cute! Because you’re cute!”

“Aha! You think thoughtless praise will placate me? Do you think I’m but a child freshly weaned, you—you beefy boob?” She stared at me with narrowed eyes. Filia was unexpectedly sharp, huh. Maybe she’d read my mind again?

Whoo boy. Sometimes you just gotta cut your losses.

“Well, let’s head on back.”

“Oh, Yuri, don’t leave me behind. Is that how you’d treat a child?”

“Shut it.”

“Ah, the slings and arrows of an outrageous knucklehead! So cruel!”

Multiply that by an entire walk home.

 

***

 

It was a holiday, so for the first time in several days, we didn’t take any requests. It wasn’t just because Filia didn’t want to do anything, either. No, I also thought holidays were necessary. After all, if we took requests all the time, I wouldn’t have any free time to train. To hone my body to withstand actual battle, I needed to exercise daily discipline and work out regularly. A day off requests and a day on the path to Absolute Muscle.

“Yuri, do you really know what a holiday is? It is a day of rest. A day to reeeest,” said Filia, wearing her outfit—the white dress with a pink vest. It seemed she’d really taken a liking to it, huh? I’d picked it out, too, so… But then again, she always wore the same thing all the time anyway.

“It’s not like I’m planning on abusing my body so much that I won’t be able to rest or anything. Besides, if I don’t move around, I won’t be able to sleep at night,” I told her.

“Didn’t you just have a life-or-death battle yesterday? If I were you, I wouldn’t want to move even a single muscle after that.”

“Wow, you really are feeble, huh, Filia?”

“Nope, you’re just way too tough, Yuri. I think your body must not be quite human after all,” said Filia, watching in complete awe as I got into the “one-pinky push-up” phase of my daily routine.

“Hm, this is still way too easy. Hey Filia, hop on my back.”

“Huh? I suppose it’s no trouble, but…well, I am fairly heavy, all right?” she said hesitantly.

Heavy? Great! “Oh no, heavy is better. Great for training.”

“The master of muscles, terrible of tact.” Filia shook her head, a resigned look in her eyes. “So, what, do I just hop on?”

As she clambered up onto my back, I could feel the sensation of her warm skin brushing up against mine. And so I started up my pinky-finger push-ups again while Filia rode on my back. But something was off.

“Filia.” I tilted my head, a little confused. “Aren’t you way too light?”

“R-really, you think?”

For some reason, Filia’s voice went higher, like she was happy about something.

“Yeah. With such little extra weight, you’re no good for my muscle training. We might have to fatten you up if you’re going to be a help with this.”

“I absolutely refuse!”

And now she was angry? Elves, man.

“This isn’t just about understanding elves! For crying out loud, Yuri, do you have any comprehension whatsoever of delicacy?”

“Delicacies?”

“No, delicacy!”

“Oh, I don’t want to hear that from someone who freely peeks into other people’s minds.”

“I don’t use it on anyone but you, Yuri. Does that make you happy?” she teased.

I wasn’t going to play this game, nope.

“I am delicate, you know.” She sounded thoughtful suddenly. “I’ve had to be. People don’t really want to associate with me when they know I have Telepathy. That’s normal, I suppose. You know, back when I lived in the elf village, no one would approach me. Even though if someone decides they don’t want me to see into their mind, I simply can’t!” She looked down at me, saucer-eyes watering, and burst into tears. “I was such a lonely, lonely child!”

Her tears felt forced, but…it wasn’t all fake. She did sound down. The fundamental story here was likely true.

“Yeah, well, you know. Anyone who’s even a little different gets ostracized, right? Maybe it’s because I’m so single-mindedly devoted to getting stronger and rarely think about anything else, but I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve never had any friends. Never had a girlfriend, either.”

As Filia listened to me, she dropped her whole crying act. “Why, Yuri…are you trying to console me, by any chance?”

“Nah, just talking to myself.”

“We’re not so different, you and I, are we?” Filia cooed, beaming her way into a little laugh (“hee hee!”) and sounding delighted with herself.

“Maybe you’re right. I don’t think I’ve ever felt lonely though,” I said.

At that, I stopped doing my push-ups and let Filia get off my back.

“Why’s that?” she asked. “Normally anyone would feel lonely in that situation, right?”

“I got a friend in me. A bunch of ’em, honestly: these muscles.”

I gazed lovingly upon the rock-hard mountains of my bod. Beautiful as ever. When light hit my body, which was covered in a light sheen of sweat, it glittered and sparkled like morning dew. Just mesmerizing…

Filia coughed, shaking me out of it. “Are you…sick?”

“My impeccable health is a point of pride.”

“No, not physically. The brain part.”

“No, impossible. I am an intellectual, after all.”

“I see,” she said with a long, despairing sigh. “Alas, it’s too late. I take back what I said earlier about us being alike.”

Our restful holiday drew on as we chattered away.

Once Filia was asleep, I continued training by standing on one leg, on my tiptoes, and doing an air chair balance exercise. You might think it a bit plain or dull, but this kind of steady, straightforward training was how I maintained such beautiful, supple, and powerful muscles. I spent the night training this way while dreaming of fighting all kinds of new, mysterious, and powerful opponents.

 

***

 

“Hey, hey, Filia! Get up!”

It was first thing in the morning. I shook Filia from her sound sleep in bed.

“Uuugh? Why in heaven’s name are you shaking me so early in the morning?” said Filia in a lethargic voice. She rubbed her eyes, heavy with sleep.

“Big news! They opened up Muscle Land! Hurry, let’s go!”

“Has the sun even risen yet? Just what time is it?”

“I’m not lyin’ about this! Look, I got a flyer!”

Still bouncing all over the walls with excitement, I showed Filia the flyer that had been slipped under our door. On the flyer, the words “Muscle Land, Now Open!” were written in large letters.

“And you don’t find this handwriting remotely suspicious, Yuri?”

“Pfft. Suspicious? It’s Muscle Land, Filia! Muscle. Land. No one who trains their muscles can be bad!”

Sure, the flyer was handwritten rather than typed, and yeah, the handwriting was rough and sloppy, like it was just haphazardly scribbled onto the paper. So what?

Muscle Land. Two perfect words together at last, like linguistic peanut butter and jelly. Was there any other combination of words that could possibly make my heart soar with excitement like those two? The Muscle God up in heaven must’ve been smiling at me, because (I don’t know if you know this) I’m someone who trains his muscles every single day! I couldn’t wait any longer, so I hurried Filia along, dragging her by the arm.

“Come on, let’s hurry up and go! Let’s go, Filia!”

“All right, all right, I’ll come along. I’m worried about this, though, and I do suggest that we…”

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Muscle Land! MUSCLE LAND.

An hour later, Filia and I made our way side by side through the town of Astarte. The sights I could see! The conversations I could hear! The scents of the city! Right now, for me, everything glittered.

“I’m so exciiiiiiiiteeeeeeed, Filia!” I said, a spring in my step. But Filia just looked depressed.

“I’m sure you’re going to have fun, but I really don’t know what manner of clientele we should expect to encounter at this, ah… This ‘Muscle Land.’ Do you really think—and please take a moment to contemplate this—literally anyone in the entire world would want to go to a place called Muscle Land? Anyone whatsoever? Again, take your time.”

“Um, yeah, definitely.”

“I…” Filia bit her tongue. “…disagree,” she said finally. “I can’t help but feel like there’s something going on, some kind of trick. Even if there is a Muscle Land and everything on the flyer is true, this whole situation makes me nervous.”

“What do you mean, you’d feel nervous even if the flyer is true?”

If it were true, then any and everyone in the world would be over the Muscle Moon. What could be wrong with that?

“It’s not really like a theme park with a ‘muscle’ theme has a particularly large niche market, right?”

Ridiculous! Besides, even if Muscle Land wasn’t a huge hit, there was no way it would be unpopular. Eh, what was the use of worrying? We were going to see it ourselves! Ah, I couldn’t believe it!

Once we followed the directions on the flyer, we arrived at a small plot of land on the outskirts of Astarte. From the outside, we couldn’t see anything that could be considered amusement park equipment. Honestly, it looked like a vacant lot with no foot traffic at all. The surrounding area was really quiet, like a ghost town.

“Is…this the place?” I asked.

“So it really was a lie, after all…” sighed Filia.

“No, look closer.”

Filia obviously still had her doubts, so I showed her what we were really looking at. I pointed over to some figures standing at the far end of the vacant lot. It was a group of about ten men, some real rough-looking fellas, standing around and beckoning us to come over with broad smirks on their faces.

“That’s gotta be the welcoming committee. Check it out, they have such gentle eyes.”

“Sure, gentle as wolves.”

Filia could be so untrusting! I didn’t know why she wanted to deny the existence of Muscle Land, but I wasn’t impressed by this arbitrary skepticism of hers. Before I entered the vacant lot, I released my muscles.

“Oh thank the gods, you’re taking this seriously now,” said Filia. “I suppose a group of ten is nothing. We can certainly take them down.”

“Take them d—? Filia, this is Muscle Land! Muscle! Land! Where you unleash your muscles? I’m not ‘taking anybody down,’ this is just common sense!”

“In what country would that be considered common sense, exactly?”

“All of ’em.”

As the welcome committee saw me release my muscles, they started looking nervous. Hm? Okay, but why? Unless—oh, my muscles were just a little too splendid.

Admittedly, these guys did look a bit weak. No other way to put it, really. It was understandable that they’d end up feeling inferior. But they didn’t need to worry about that in Muscle Land! Sure, in my heart of hearts I would’ve liked to see bulkier employees—would’ve made me super happy, in fact—but these skinny lil’ guys were trying to create an earthly paradise called Muscle Land. That alone was something to be proud of.

My heart overflowed with the desire to bless them for their wonderful achievement. I took one step closer to the vacant lot that served as the holy site for Muscle Land. And another step. Another. Oh, whoops, I’d almost forgot, I had to give them a proper greeting.

“Muscle Muuuuuuuuscle! Come on, Filia, you too!”

“M-me too? M-Muscle Muuuuuuuuscle!”

Filia and I crowed a greeting as we approached, step by step, toward the ten-man welcoming committee.

“We came here because we saw the flyer. So…what do we do here at Muscle Land?” I asked the men, holding up the piece of paper.

Suddenly, one of them erupted into laugher as if he couldn’t bear it anymore.

“Pfftt. Ha ha, ah ha ha ha ha ha! This guy seriously believed it!”

Believed…what? While I stood there confused, the men started talking all on top of each other, as if a dam had burst and they all had something to say.

“There is no Muscle Land! As if we’d actually do somethin’ like that. We’re all here to beat you senseless!”

“Man, we knew you loved muscles and all from our investigations, but seriously, to come all the way here without findin’ any of it fishy? Talk about a naïve moron!”

“Still though, how could someone fall for a trap like this? This guy was even like ‘Muscle Muscle,’ I mean, come on, right? What is that, even? Ehhh he he he he, this is the best joke ever!”

“You mean, you…” I swallowed. “You deceived me…?”

They just laughed louder.

Oh. So…Muscle Land really was just a lie, then?

Filia, lips quivering, turned away from me…and started laying into the men with all the fury of a warrior goddess. “You wretched—why would you—Yuri, he—Yuri believed your awful little lies for no reason at all, even though it was the kind of a lie a child could’ve easily seen through! He was looking forward to your mean, horrid, stupid little trick like a complete idiot!”

Points for…effort, I guess? Thanks?

“Seriously,” one of the guys snarled, “how weird is it that a muscle-bound freak like you is hanging around with a beauty like her? Stupid and weird, don’t you think? Social standing, my guy. We’re gonna teach it to you, punch by punch.”

“Yeah, man, we’re residents of Surama. We’re nothing like those half-wit adventurers. We’re gonna beat every inch of ya blue.”

So they didn’t like that I was partners with Filia? Why be so indirect about it? Why taunt me with the fantasy of that golden dream, Muscle Land…

“Unforgivable,” I whispered. “Your actions are unforgivable.” I glared at the men. They looked to be afraid for a moment, but not that afraid. I’m guessing because they had the advantage of numbers.

“All right, all of y’all in hiding. Let’s get him!”

As one, the men rushed me and Filia.

“Filia,” I said. “Get away from here.”

“O-okay!”

As she withdrew, I contracted my muscles back down. When the men saw me shrink, one of them burst out laughing.

“Ha! What’s the matter, scared?”

“Scared? No. You just don’t deserve these muscles.”

I had absolutely no intention of letting people like this, who would use muscle as a pretext for their cruelty, savor the exquisite beauty of my muscles. Anyway, time for punching.

“Yahhhh!”

“Nah?!”

I got around behind one and struck him at the base of the neck.

“Hooah!”

“He’s so fast!”

The next guys, I slammed into with elbow strikes. One after the other, they fell like flies to the lightest of flicks.

“Hooah!”

“Gahh?!”

“Wh-what is with this guy? He’s like a monster…!”

Muscle Land, huh? More like Scrawny Town. I let out a deep sigh in the muscley lungs of my mind. Even with my real power sealed away, I completely decimated every single one of these little turdmunches. It wasn’t even a close match.

“I can’t believe it was a lie…” I lamented, standing in the center of the so-called battlefield, the ex-welcoming committee sprawled in the dirt all around me.

It had been a long, long time since I’d endured a shock to the heart like this. And here I thought I could finally share the splendor of muscles with people who really got it…

“I-It really is a shame…” said Filia as she approached, trying to cheer me up.

Yeah, she was right. It was no good letting these mean little nugget-men get me down.

“All right,” I said, nodding. “Ugh, but if we just head back home now, that’ll be a waste of a day, right? Hey, you know what, how about I do some muscle training with you guys? I’ll teach you just how wonderful muscles are. We’ll start with abs!”

At my signal, Filia summoned cold water using her water magic and splashed the men’s faces. But after hearing my new plans for them, these pranksters all complained!

“D-don’t screw with us. Like anyone would wanna do that!”

Then they made the mistake of trying to escape.

“Oh, do you really think you can get out of this?”

I darted in front of the men and pulverized a large, conveniently placed boulder. At that, they dragged their feet back to where they’d started without another word.

“Oh, so that gave you some motivation, eh? I’m so glad!”

“P-please save us!”

The men looked over at Filia with terrified expressions. However, Filia simply shot back a cold, cold glare.

“You reap what you sow.” She flashed an icicle smile. “Please do your absolute best.”

“Aw, don’t talk like that, Filia!” I said. “You’re going to join us, too, right? It’ll be a lot more fun if we’re all in this together.”

Besides, if I made Filia sit out on something fun like an all-day muscle training session, it’d be like I was torturing her! I couldn’t do that. Filia and I were partners, after all.

“Ahh, hmm, sorry, I suddenly started feeling sick to my stomach. Apologies, Yuri, I’d absolutely love to, but I’m afraid I simply cannot participate in such a state. Please go ahead,” said Filia, clutching her torso.

“No, no, that’s perfect. Training is an incredibly effective way to deal with abdominal pain. Up you get.”

“Huh? Wh-why?! How could a workout have that kind of effect?”

“Muscles are swollen with infinite possibility! Besides, you’re finally being proactive about training, Filia. I don’t want that feeling to go to waste.”

“H-has my escape route been blocked?”

Escape route? What was she talking about?

“All right, let’s do it, Filia! And you guys, too!”

“O-okay…”

Following my lead, the whole group worked up a sweat all day until late into the night. Ah, muscle training in my impromptu Muscle Land really was wonderful, in the end!

The next morning, Filia woke with the same laid-back, easygoing look she always had as she first started to regain consciousness. “Mmm… Ah, Yuri?”

“Good morning, Filia.”

“Good morning… Eeeeeaaaah?” Suddenly, her body started trembling in the bed, shaking all over. “Y-Yuri.”

“Eh? What’s wrong?”

“There’s n-nothing I can do. I-I think I might die.”

“Hey, c’mon, what are you talking about?” I asked, frowning.

“My whole body, all of my muscles hurt. I c-can’t move at all.”

Her muscles hurt? Surely not because of the muscle training yesterday! The stuff we’d done in the abandoned lot had basically just been breathing, right?

“It’s all right, there’s nothing for you to worry about,” I assured her. “Besides, I know some more routines that’re perfect for dealing with this level of pain.”

“Oh great, yay, there’s that, too! I…appreciate your offer, but I really, truly can’t move a single joint on a single finger right now, so I’m afraid I’ll have to pass,” said Filia. “Actually, could you please move my hand so it’s on top of my chest? If you do that, I’ll be able to use recovery magic.”

Huh, so she could use recovery magic to cure her aching muscles, huh? That’s some all-purpose magic there!

“Gotcha.” I took hold of Filia’s trembling hand and her slender arm twitched in response.

“Ow, ow, ow! B-be a little gentler, Yuri!”

“It’s hard, though. Your arm’s so delicate, I don’t wanna crush it by accident…”

“Wh-wha? P-please don’t say such terrifying things!”

Hmph. Whether or not I said it out loud didn’t change how hard it was.

At any rate, despite the slight disturbance to our morning, Filia’s muscle pain subsided once she got to use her magic, so we made our way back to the guild. After taking on yet another request to gather medicinal herbs, we set out on our usual route into the woods. That passed the day more or less without incident, and we made our usual report to the guild.

“All right. Excellent job. That’s precisely the right variety and amount of herbs for this request.”

As always, we received our reward and got ready to leave the guild, but as we did, a man called out to us, stopping us in our tracks.

“Hey, wait!”

We turned to see who was calling us, and there stood a rather frail, slender man.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“You? I don’t want anything from you! I’m talking to the elf!” The man’s voice went shrill. Maybe he was excited or something?

“What is it?” asked Filia, already sounding tired.

“Would you join our team? Our goal is to become a super seriously serious S-Rank party. You’re an elf, so we’d love for you to come aboard.”

“How interesting,” said Filia vaguely.

The man gave a curtain-call smile. Another person trying to poach Filia for their party, huh? That was happening a lot lately. Not that I didn’t understand, though. She was so cute and capable that it was only natural.

But why weren’t they calling me? Wait till they got a load of these muscles! Or was everyone’s eyesight tragically bad? Ah, sorry—got a little off topic there. Back to Filia.

I didn’t want to part ways with her—she could use recovery magic, you know? And since we’d become partners that could really communicate, being together wasn’t ever bad, even when we got into our tiffs. But then again, the decision wasn’t mine to make.

“If you stick with a man like that, some beefy inhuman master of muscle, you won’t have any future. Team up with us. We’re on that express train to the S-Rank! What does S stand for? Seriously. We’re taking it all super seriously serious!”

“A brokirin,” said Filia. “Suppose you ran into one. Could your team take it down in an instant?”

The man made a ghastly exaggerated reaction of surprise.

“Hey, come on, now, don’t mess around. That’s a B-Rank monster, you know? We ain’t ever fought one before. I mean, not yet. We could probably take one down in about thirty minutes or so. But with you,” he added quickly, “we could do an instant. Less than instant, even! Super seriously serious!”

Super…seriously serious? Did he just like the sound of it? I mulled it over while waiting for Filia’s answer. It didn’t take long.

Filia opened her mouth and spoke in one, flat, breathless sentence, as if she’d made up her mind from the very beginning. “I see, it all sounds very serious, but I refuse.”

With a short, polite bow, Filia turned to leave once again.

“H-hey, hey, wait! Just like that? C’mon!” the man rambled, flustered.

Filia looked back at him, smiling broadly. “With all due respect, my companion, Yuri, can kill a brokirin in an instant. If I’m on a team with him, I would call that a far brighter future than whatever boring role in your trite party of adventurers you’re yearning to plug me into. Good day.”

With that, she took my hand and led me out of the guild, her footsteps heavy and fast.

The man yelled from behind us: “Yeah right, as if an E-Rank adventurer could pull off something like that! Dirty liars!”

 

“I’m dreadfully sorry for any trouble I’ve caused you, Yuri,” said Filia rather suddenly, just as we were about to arrive at the inn. Maybe Filia felt somehow responsible for all the invitations she’d been receiving lately.

“Aw, c’mon, nobody’s gonna blame you for a bunch of pushy creeps—or nobody should anyway.”

“You might be right, but…”

“But there’s no way you’re gonna end up with anybody else. Not while you’re all dazzled by my rippling muscles, eh?”

“I am absolutely not, and I am terribly offended at the very idea.”

“Liar.”

“I shall make a traditional Elf-Promise that, from the bottom of my heart, that is not the case.”

Jabbing back and forth like that, we paused for a second and broke out laughing. When we arrived at the inn, I practically jumped into the chair and fell limp.

“Aaah!”

“‘Aaah’? Is something the matter?”

“Why doesn’t anyone understand the beauty of muscles?” I lamented.

No matter what anyone said, muscle was muscle, and muscle was precious. I didn’t want to discard such thoughts. But so many people treated muscles like they were totally unnecessary. It was like nobody thought it was worth it to build them up beyond the bare minimum.

It made me sad. Very sad, goddamn it.

“That’s…” Filia paused, frowned, picking her words carefully. “I suppose it’s because we’ve got magic. People think they can make their bodies just as strong with magic as they could with training. Now, I did also hear stories from the village chief that a few people specifically train their bodies, like swordsmen who lack a sufficient quantity of magical energy. With muscle training, they compensate for deficiencies in their strength-enhancing magic. Though I really don’t think there’s anyone out there who trains quite as much as you do, Yuri.”

“Huh, swordsmen? I see!”

Come to think of it, that Grim Reaper fellow had a pretty well-trained body, didn’t he? He’d been sickly thin, but the quality of his muscles had been on a completely different level from the adventurers around here. Were there any other swordsmen at his level? Perhaps so.

I hoped so.

Filia continued: “But adventurers who lack magical aptitude are generally seen as beneath the ones who qualify as magicians. Magicians can use both magic and physical attacks, after all. Still, you do occasionally have your physical specialists like that Grim Reaper fellow.”

“Hrm. I see.”

When I thought about all those adventurers who couldn’t do magic, it really bummed me out. Now was the golden age of the magician, and all the adventurers who couldn’t stand among their ranks were being left in the dust.