Chapter 1: The Controversial Slime Jelly

Chapter 1:
The Controversial Slime Jelly

 

EVEN A WHOLE NIGHT after the magic battle tournament, my blood was still raging out of control from the fierce battles with Voltemia and Leonir! I couldn’t stop fidgeting as I walked through the streets of Mussen Morgeth.

“Man, it’d be awesome if they held another one of those magic battle tournaments or somethin’.”

It had been so long since I’d been able to just cut loose and get wild like that. So much fun! There had to be another one soon, right?

“Seriously, Yuri, how much stamina do you have?” Filia grumbled to herself. Filia’s this gorgeous silver-haired elf who travels with me, but her personality doesn’t exactly match her appearance. She can be just a liiiiittle bit tacky.

“Tacky? I’ll show you who’s tacky!”

Oh, by the way…she also has the ability to read the minds of unsuspecting strangers. Which seems tacky, doesn’t it? But now Filia was puffing her cheeks out all pouting-like, so I averted my eyes and, when that wasn’t enough, started walking away. She crept closer in a desperate attempt to enter my field of vision, but nope! Wasn’t gonna work. I was just gonna ignore her.

All of that was business as usual for the two of us, but, well, something just felt off today. More than a few people were looking over at Filia and I, whispering amongst themselves. I couldn’t blame ’em, normally. We’re a study in contrasts, the two of us, me with my beautifully bulging muscles and Filia’s gorgeous elfishness. So different but so right for one another, like the peanut butter and jelly of hot people! But their reactions weren’t quite that usual look, were they? Or was that just my imagination?

I listened carefully. Maybe I could overhear a conversation…

“Hey, ain’t those people over there the ones from the magic battle tournament?”

“Yeah, they are. Man, they turned out to be the real deal! And wait, no way. Ain’t that the champ?!”

Ohhh, right. Guess all that fuss was because I was the champion and all. Maybe in a few days the commotion would die down and I’d have some peace. I sighed at the thought.

“Hm…?” And then I noticed it: a shop along the main street, packed to the brim with shoppers to the point that all the neighboring shops looked practically out of business. “What’s that about…?”

I strained my eyes to look closer. What was that, some kind of banner?

“Slime Jelly” it said. The heck was that supposed to be? I squinted up at the banner, curious.

“Huh? Oh, wow! Slime Jelly, hm?” Filia had followed my line of sight, and now we were both gazing at the shop.

“You know what that is?” I asked.

“Only that it’s stirred up quite the controversy in the royal capital. But a store in Mussen Morgeth, now that’s surprising.”

“It’s controversial? That’s, uh, oddly unsettling.”

“And tempting, wouldn’t you say? Shall we try some?”

“I’m good either way.”

“Marvelous—let’s give it a whirl, then! To be honest, I’ve been curious for a while now!” I could practically hear Filia buzzing with excitement, and all because of what just seemed to me like any other treat. Then again, she got a little like this for all of those other treats—and food in general. Big eyes, tiny stomach.

Filia and I queued up at the back of the line in front of the store and, almost immediately, the guy in front of us whipped around.

“Aha! If it isn’t my old pals Yuri and Filia!” Babandongas beamed at us. “Talk about my lucky day, eh? Not just anyone gets to say they’re friends with an almighty champion!” He gave me a playful nudge with his elbow.

“Guess not. What are you doing here, Babandongas?”

Babandongas never seemed like the kind of guy who’d be a regular at a place like this. But then again, you couldn’t judge that stuff by appearances. Maybe he had a real sweet tooth. Either way, I supposed Babandongas could like what he liked no matter how he looked.

“Well, my sweet angel has been saying for a while now that she wanted to try this jelly stuff. She did her best in the tournament, so I promised I’d treat her to some as a reward.” Babandongas briefly glanced over his shoulder. Voltemia peeked out meekly from behind his large back.

“H-hello, Lia. Hello, Yuri.” Voltemia gave us a bow.

Instantly, Babandongas burst into tears. “Hey! Hey, did you all see that?! The way she looked up at you like that, and her eyes were all—and she—aahh, she’s the cutest!”

“Big Brother, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“No, no, Babandongas,” said Filia with a serious nod, “I know exactly how you feel.”

Babandongas gasped. “You do, Filia?!”

They just couldn’t help themselves, huh? Complete suckers for cuteness. For Voltemia’s part, she seemed completely bewildered.

I grimaced. “Sorry for my traveling partner here, Voltemia.”

Voltemia’s eyes widened slightly. “Y-Yuri, you’ve got to be the sanest, most decent person here.”

“N-no way!” Filia cried in horror. “Saner than me? I’ve never lost to Yuri at anything, never in my entire life! Shock and horror!”

Saner than her? Jeez, Filia was really underestimating me.

“Yuri, you…” Babandongas cried, also in horror. “Do you have your eyes on my little Voltemia?! I’ll never allow it! I, her beloved big brother, will never allow it!”

I don’t know why I say stuff sometimes when, half the time, it’s like everybody else is speaking a different language.

“At any rate,” Filia continued, “you two are quite close, eh? For siblings, that is. I mean, you’re very close—isn’t that just a bit odd?”

Babandongas cracked a pleasant smile and pulled something out of the bag of holding on his hip. “Check this out.”

Whoa, it looked like some kinda photo album with pretty blue binding. Notably, for a half-second I thought it might be a dictionary, it was so thick. And lining this book, page after page after page, were photos of a meek-looking little girl with bright azure hair—in other words, countless photos of Voltemia.

“Whaddya think?” said Babandongas. “Just the cutest widdle hugbug, ain’t she?”

“Do you carry that with you all the time?” I asked, squinting down at the pictures. I mean, she was definitely way adorable, but, uhhh. The more I looked at her, the more I noticed how totally different she and Babandongas looked.

“Of course!” Babandongas said with sparkling smile. “If you ever catch me without this—ha! See, I had you going there for a sec, didn’t I? Because out of all the times I’ve never had this on me, not one of those times have ever happened.”

“Wow. You are hardcore.”

“Dedicated, even,” added Filia.

“Heh. It’s an older brother’s job to protect his little sister. Dedicated from birth, I say!” he exclaimed, and he put a whole lot of effort into making it sound cool. It was a real moment. Good delivery, cool pose, pretty memorable.

But he was also saying these sappy things while staring down at a photo album filled with pictures of his little sister, so I can’t say he landed it, exactly.

“Isn’t she cute?” he added, “Come on, ain’t she? Here, look at this one! Dimples! Oh yeah, and this one too, getta a load of this one—but no, nope, even better is this absolute classic from four years, six months, fifteen days, three hours, and sixteen minutes ago. Ah, memories!”

“I-I see,” said Filia vaguely.

“She, uh…” I pulled back the tiniest bit from Babandongas as he went on and on about this picture or no, actually, that other one right there. His memory was almost as extraordinary as it was sister-oriented. “She really is pretty dang adorable, isn’t she?”

“Hey, you guys are looking, right? Okay, now we gotta maximize this cuteness here. See, Voltemia looks even cuter if you look at her a little more directly, from this angle.” Babandongas held his fingers out, making a little square to demonstrate. “Not that it’s really that big of a deal, because Voltemia’s just the cutest from every single angle ever invented! In fact, how weird would it be if you guys were looking from the same angle? Okay, Yuri, you take a look from the left, and Filia, you look from the right. (You’re a few degrees off, there. Aaaand good.) What do you think? Of her cuteness?”

I was less thinking and more wondering when or if Babandongas had taken a breath.

“Big Brother,” said Voltemia, blushing now, “you’re incorrigible…”

Maybe she was blushing because we were looking at her pictures, or maybe it was because Babandongas was so enthusiastic.

Either way, seeing that, Babandongas crouched down and looked Voltemia in the eye. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m so, so happy to see you growing up, Voltemia, I can’t even hold it in. You lost yesterday, yeah, but you tried your absolute best. I just need you to know: Your big brother is mega, uber proud of you.”

“Um…thank you.” Voltemia definitely didn’t look upset as her brother patted her head. Huh. I guess, even if he got pretty carried away, he was a good brother after all? “Shall we be going, Big Brother?”

“Yeah! All right, see ya later, you two!”

With smiles on our faces, Filia and I watched the two of them walk into the store ahead, and a few minutes later we were guided into the store too. On a quick scan, most of the people inside were eating some kind of weird, unidentifiable light-blue thing. The rumored Slime Jelly? There were two empty seats next to each other, so we sat down together and got ready to find out.

We ordered two servings of Slime Jelly from a waiter, then sat and waited. After a while, it came, and well, it sure was…slime? It wasn’t blotchy, but it was light blue all over. It looked jiggly and soft, wobbling around on the plate. Slightly deformed as it was, it certainly looked like slime. No wonder it was the talk of the town.

I mean, after all, looks do matter, ya know? I don’t really mind myself, but probably lots of people out there would rankle at the thought of downing a Slime Jelly.

“Oh my goodness, Yuri, can you believe how cute it is?” Filia nearly squeaked.

I could hardly believe it. “C-cute?”

“Yes, cute! Come now, don’t you think so? I mean, it’s so positively adorable—of course it would cause a stir!” she replied.

Come to think of it, the whole shop brimmed with ladies positively squealing with glee. Was…was this cute? Was it…was it infamously cute? The shop had changed it from the original version, according to Filia. Apparently, at first, Slime Jelly had been served with its eyes and mouth intact. After some focus testing and changes and whatnot, the shop had settled on the current look, which was still, uh, impactful, I’d say.

“Eh he he, it looks so yummy!” cackled Filia. She had a wicked grin on her face as she thrust her spoon into her wiggly prey.

Calling something cute over and over and then eating it? How, um, incredibly psychopathic, right? Or maybe not, because the other people in the store didn’t seem confused at all. I guess I was the weird one.

“Has my own common sense abandoned me?” I whispered to the universe.

“What in the world is the matter with you, Yuri? You’re usually so full of bravado all the time, and now—what, you’ve been defeated by a Slime Jelly?” Filia sighed, and (mid-sigh) shoveled a spoon of Slime Jelly into her mouth. Instantly, Filia’s silver eyes widened, her expression changing to that of pure ecstasy. “Yuuummmy! Yuri, ohmigosh! It’s the yummiest!”

“Huh, that so?”

Filia wiggled her hands up and down excitedly in front of her chest, as if the excitement was overflowing from her stomach to her fingers. Well, if Filia the Foodie said so, I was sure it had to be delicious, so you know? Why not. I decided to give the Slime Jelly a try.

When I pushed my spoon against the jelly, the taut elasticity of it bounced my spoon back, but when I dug the spoon into the jelly, it went through smoothly. The elasticity had been a mere illusion!

The translucent light-blue lump jiggled and wobbled. It did look tasty, now that I thought about it. I brought the Slime Jelly to my mouth. The first thing on my tongue was cold. Then a smooth, slippery sensation slid through my mouth. It was…

“Oh. Yep. Delicious.”

Certainly worthy of its reputation, just sweet enough to not be sinful, and refreshingly cool to the taste. Also (if you ignored the fact that it was a monster) it actually looked nice and juicy! No wonder it was popular. Filia nodded happily at my impressions.

“I know, right?! All right, I’ve made an executive decision: more Slime! Waiter?” Filia called, and soon enough she had Jelly #2.

“Are you actually going to be able to finish that?” I asked. Filia’s eyes were always so much bigger than her stomach.

“I can definitely eat it. I mean, look how delicious it is!” she replied with a smile. Well, they weren’t big portions. Maybe Filia could manage it.

A mere ten minutes later, Filia gazed down at her half-eaten mound of Slime Jelly, a grim and haunted look weighing heavy upon her elven features. “Yuri,” she whispered.

“Yeah, I mean, I know what you’re gonna say, but what’s up?”

“I can’t…” Filia gazed listlessly into space, defeated. “Can’t eat any more…” Now she closed her eyes and gently, slowly shook her head from side to side, utterly defeated. “The deliciousness… I was carried away, Yuri. Two was too much.”

“Told ya so.”

“Y-yes, but, well, sweets go into a separate stomach, Yuri. It’s elven biology.”

Sounded just slightly questionable to me.

“You couldn’t finish it, though.”

“You’re right. I have no answer for that, Yuri… I have nothing but tormented silence, and maybe a tummy ache.” Filia hung her head low, completely spent.

I looked at the mound of remaining Slime Jelly. Almost half of it was left, but the Slime Jelly was as jiggly and lustrous as ever.

“You’re not gonna eat that, then? Because, uh…”

“Oh, you have room? Then please, go ahead.”

“Neat.” I scooted her Slime Jelly toward me and put it in my mouth. Ah, love that slippery, sweet, good stuff. But then—

“Eek!” went Filia, rather suddenly. She stared down at the Slime Jelly, her cheeks crimson for, um, some reason?

“What’s the matter?”

“Well, it’s just…um, well, it’s rather like an indirect kiss, isn’t it…?” Filia stammered. “I-I, I mean, accidentally, of course!”

Filia blushed, shaking her head and waving her hands. It was a new level of Filia flusteredness.

I furrowed my brow. “I don’t get what you’re all upset about. I mean, an indirect kiss doesn’t seem like a big deal. Just a normal thing.”

“Normal…? Ahem. I-I see. Y-yes, I suppose that for the transcendentally beautiful elf we all know and love, Filia, this sort of thing is perfectly normal, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I figured. I mean, back when I was in the forest, I ended up eating the same prey with a bunch of monsters all the time. It’s the same for you, right?”

The only absolute rule of the forest is the survival of the fittest. The weak are food, and the strong eat. I couldn’t count the number of times monsters had tried to steal the prey I’d caught. If I wasn’t careful, they’d take a bite of my food and attempt to take it with them. More than once, they’d fought me off and succeeded.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve also had to share prey with monsters… Pssht, no, what are you talking about? I’ve never done anything like that!”

Whoa, really? Never? I tilted my head.

“Wait, did you really go through that? Like that’s personal experience?” Filia sounded a little freaked out for some reason.

I nodded, taking another hulking bite of Slime Jelly.

“Well, you are you, after all, Yuri,” said Filia with a sigh. “But really, now, putting me in the same category as monsters?”

“‘You are you, after all, Yuri’? What’s that supposed to mean? Is that, like, philosophy or something?”

Filia didn’t react. She just stared into my eyes. When I looked at her straight-on, directly, I had to admit that wow, her face was so remarkably beautiful. It was as if the Goddess of…of Beautiful Goddesses had descended into the world.

I blinked. “Um…what?”

But no matter how beautiful or cute Filia was, it still got kind of awkward being stared at like that. As I took the last bite of my jelly, I asked Filia what she was getting at. Then, she opened her lush, plump lips.

“Yuri, if you’re not bothered by indirect kisses, why are you embarrassed about regular kisses?” she asked.

At which point I burst into a whole bunch of totally unexpected hacks and coughs. Jeez, what kinda question was that?! “W-well, of course kissing is embarrassing! That’s obvious! I mean, it’s kissing! Like, lips to lips! It’s so shameless!”

“Oooh, you don’t usually hear people say ‘shameless’ these days. How very innocent of you, Yuri,” she teased.

The Slime Jelly? Sweet and delicious. The teasing from Filia afterward? Not so much.