Chapter 2: Glasses are a Sign of Intellectualism

Chapter 2:
Glasses are a Sign of Intellectualism

 

“WHAT DO YOU WANT to eat?” asked Filia.

“I’m fine with anything,” I replied.

“Okay. I’m not really hungry for anything, to be honest, so why don’t we just browse?”

I went with Filia over to the city’s main street to grab some grub. The streets of Jeepupp weren’t all that different from those of Mussen Morgeth, or at least, they didn’t look different. But the variety and quality of food here were both way higher in Jeepupp, thanks to its thriving agricultural industry.

We marched through the shopping district in search of ingredients for dinner. It was late in the afternoon, so the shopping district was just packed full of energy. The ratio of men to women was about three to four—no, about twenty-nine to forty. After sensing every presence

in the shopping district, I detected an accurate headcount ratio. Every second is a gift, and you can’t waste it by not training!

“Looking rather intense, Yuri.”

“It was twenty-nine to forty, Filia.”

“I see. Marvelous.”

Totally dismissed!

Anyway, it was now time to look for ingredients in earnest. I found one potential option right away.

“Hey, how about this? A pigorscow?”

A pigorscow was a monster with the snout of a pig, the body of a cow, and the “neigh!” of a horse.

One pigorscow really covered your bases. Depending on which part you ate, it could taste like pork, beef, or even chicken. Weirdly enough, not a single slice of pigorscow tasted like horse. Anyway, it was a monster known mostly for being delicious. It was a bit pricey, but that didn’t really matter for us. We hardly ever spent money on anything besides food, so we were loaded.

“That sounds good,” said Filia with a nod. “Shall we have hamburgers today?”

“Fine by me! So that’s our main dish—let’s look at some sides.”

Off we went to continue our shopping.

From there, we headed home, but things went a little different that day. We were taking a different route, mostly because of the four slips of paper that Filia was lightly flapping in her hand. “They have lottery drawings here, hmm?”

After we’d finished shopping, we’d drawn a lottery ticket, and since the ticket was valid for today only, we headed in the opposite direction of the inn, right to the lottery drawing.

“This is kind of fun, isn’t it?” Filia beamed. “We didn’t have anything like this in the village. It’s rather exciting!” She flapped the lottery tickets delightedly.

“So are you going to draw them all?”

“Huh? Is that really okay?” Her eyes lit up, and so—of course—all the guys walking past us started giving her puppy-dog looks. Argh. Yeah, Filia was cute and all, but they really needed to face forward when they were walking.

“Hm…” Filia was making some kind of humming sound. Her soft hand on her chin, she let out another anxious hum, as if she were deep in thought. What on earth was going on with her? Just as I was about to ask, Filia looked up at me excitedly. “Okay, we’ll each do half. It’ll be more fun that way!” she said with a wide smile.

That took me by surprise. Wow, was she really a good person after all? I took two of the lottery slips from her. “You know, you really are nice sometimes.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Nice? Oh, I think maybe you’re misunderstanding something. I just can’t wait to see you draw a losing roll, Yuri, you know?”

Nope, never mind! What a jerk! The smile on Filia’s face had transformed from pure innocence into purest darkness—into utterly wicked black-hearted monstrosity! What a fool I was, thinking that she was a good person.

“Well, whatever. I’m going to draw the top prize!” I declared.

“You got awful motivated all of a sudden.”

“If I’m gonna do something, I do it with all I’ve got. That’s only natural.” No way was I gonna draw a loss! Never!

After a few minutes of walking, we saw a red-and-white tent. A few people were queued up in front of it, and the person at the far end in the tent was spinning a lottery wheel, which made a clacking sound as it turned.

“It looks like this is where they’re holding the lottery drawing,” said Filia.

“Let’s hurry and get in line.”

We queued up at the back of the line and waited for our turn to draw, and it wasn’t long at all before we were up. I was the first one of us to go. I glanced over at the products on display at the back of the tent. You got first prize if the light yellow-colored ball came up, which won you a gift certificate usable anywhere in Jeepupp.

To be blunt, we didn’t really need it. We already had plenty of money, after all. But it was the top prize, so I still had to shoot for it.

“Hm…” I had two chances, and I was gonna use one of those chances to win the first prize! I took a deep breath, then turned the brown lottery wheel in front of me. The wooden wheel made a rattling sound as it spun around, and…

It spat out a brown ball from the front.

“All right, brown gets you a participation prize! Here’s your shoelace, sir!” The young woman operating the lottery game handed me a thin string, the same color as the brown ball. Since it was the participation prize, I guess that counted as a loss. To be honest, I didn’t even need any shoelaces at the moment.

“Pffffft…!” Filia cackled behind me. She was really having a ball with this. Ugh, couldn’t she shut up? Why couldn’t she—no, wait! I had to concentrate! Messing with my nerves was all just part of her plan. I couldn’t be fooled. Don’t be fooled, Yuri!

I calmed myself and grabbed the handle of the lottery wheel once more. This was my last chance. I was going to win first prize, no matter what. “Come on, light yellow! Come on, light yellow!”

“Light yellow? I don’t know about light, but it’s going to be something. Speaking of which, I’d rather have a strong, deep connection in a relationship over something light.”

“You already told me that earlier! Come on, light yellow!” I turned the lottery wheel, it spun along with merry little clacks, aaaaaand…

Out popped a brown ball. Dang. I’d drawn another loser.

“Oh…hm?” No, wait a minute. It was brown-ish, sure, but this color of this ball was subtly different from the one before. It was a smidge darker than light brown. Could this one be a winner?! Even if it wasn’t first prize, what if it was second or third—

“Dark brown gets you a participation prize. Here you go! A shoelace!” said the young woman cheerfully, placing another shoelace in my hands. It was slightly darker in color than the shoelace from before.

“Um…does there really need to be a color variant?” I asked.

“We prepared multiple colors for our customers’ enjoyment!” said the woman, smiling brightly. Well, she said it so cheerfully, so I couldn’t really fault her over the issue. We live in a society, after all…even if I had won the participation prize twice in a row.

“That’s really unfortunate, isn’t it, Yuri? Eh he he!” Filia lightly smacked me on the shoulder, unable to hold back her laughter.

“Grr…” But what could I even say? The results spoke for themselves.

“All right, Yuri, please watch carefully: the transcendentally beautiful lottery elf Filia shall demonstrate what playing the lottery is supposed to be like.”

“I thought you said that you’ve never done this before?” Also, what the heck was a lottery elf?

Filia just wagged a finger at me. “Tsk tsk tsk! I don’t need to have experience to win. I am, after all, a woman beloved by the heavens.” Without hesitation, she began to turn the wheel.

Clack, clack, clack, and…

“Ah…”

The ball was brown. Yep, it was brown no matter how long you squinted at it. “Looks like you and I are the same, huh?”

“Pl-please wait! It’s a fairly different color, though! Look, isn’t it a little lighter?!”

Well, it was a bit lighter than the brown balls I’d gotten.

“I-I’m sure that the light yellow just got dirty!” said Filia desperately. “Which means that I won first place. Which means, obviously, that—”

“Light brown gets you a participation prize. Here you go! A shoelace!” said the young woman, heartlessly cutting Filia off.

Trembling, Filia took the shoelace. “Are all the brown balls losers or something?!”

“Yep! All the brown balls are losers!”

“No way…” Filia hung her head, but it wasn’t like anything was going to change. She had one more shot, one more opportunity.

“Pull a loser…pull a loser…”

“Yuri? What are you whispering about? You want me to draw a loser?”

“That’ll make us members of the same club. The League of Losers.”

“I would never join a league with a name like that!” Filia grabbed the handle of the lottery wheel. “Please! Come on, light yellow!”

Then she spun the lottery wheel. The lottery wheel clacked along as it spun, and out popped one ball.

“Ah!” It was… a light yellow. “Yay! I did it, Yuri!”

“Hey, that’s amazing, Filia!”

Without thinking, we joined hands and rejoiced. The woman in charge of the lottery game smiled at us and announced, “The lemon-colored ball is the sixth-place prize. Here you go! Some lens-less glasses!”

Filia blinked. “Huh?”

Apparently, the ball was lemon-colored, not light yellow. So Filia had won a pair of glasses without lenses, and that was that.

“It’s too bad you didn’t get first prize, but it’s something,” I said to Filia, trying to compliment her on our way back to the inn. She’d gotten closer to winning than me, after all.

Filia was holding the black glasses in her hand…the…black glasses? Wait a minute, why were the frames black instead of lemon-colored?

“I suppose that I might actually have a use for this,” said Filia, “so I’m glad things worked out this way.”

“That so?”

Filia didn’t seem particularly disappointed at all that she hadn’t won first prize. I supposed the glasses might’ve been a better prize after all, considering that they could be used as a fashion accessory.

“I’ll try them on right away after we get back to the inn. I’ll let you try them too, Yuri.”

“Really? Thanks.”

“Although I’m certain they won’t suit you at all. Tee hee!”

“You always gotta fit in a little barb at the end, huh?”

Once we got back to the inn, we put down our prizes, sat down on our respective beds, and chatted away.

Filia seemed to be in good spirits. “In the end, I only won the sixth-place prize. But you only got two shoelaces, so I guess this makes me the beautiful lottery champion!” Filia sang.

“Yeah, nothin’ I can say to that. I lost fair and square.” And I’d gotten the participation prize twice in a row, of all things. So disappointing!

Filia smirked. “No problemo, my good bro.”

“Uh. What was that?”

“I thought I’d try acting like a big wig. You know, a sort of upper-crust voice?” said Filia, looking very serious. Was that how she thought they sounded?

“Your lack of imagination is showing,” I told her.

“L-Lacking in the breast department? Me? Why, I never!”

“Hold on, you know that’s not what I said at all!”

Filia crossed her arms in front of her chest for emphasis and gave me a look of disgust, like I was some kinda perv. But she was the one who’d brought it up, hadn’t she?

“C’mon, Filia. I’d never say something like that.”

“I-I suppose that’s true…I’m sorry. I lost my head a little bit there.”

“I’m glad you understand that. Anyway, how about those glasses? You’re gonna try ’em on, right?”

“Oh, yes, that’s right! Glasses time!”

We’d managed to get to the main topic…somehow. I let out a deep sigh. Thank goodness things hadn’t gotten even more complicated.

Filia handed me the glasses. “I’ll make an exception and let you wear them, Yuri. Think of it as my apology for what happened before. This makes us even.”

“All right.” It wasn’t like I was particularly worried about all that, but I wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity. I took the black lens-less glasses from Filia. The simple oval-shaped frames gave me the look of an intellectual.

Oho…that’s right, baby. I started admiring the look of Glasses Yuri. Maybe these would help me fulfill my secret ambition…my ambition to become an intellectual-type character!

“I am an intellectual muscle man, but I just can’t seem to convey my sheer intellectualism to the people. Once I put on these glasses, I’ll finally become an intellectual-type character!”

“I’m sorry, Yuri, but the very fact that you said that goes to show that you’re no intellectual.”

“Ah! You say that, Filia, but I haven’t even put them on yet. You’re gonna eat your words!” I put the glasses on and turned to look at Filia. “So, what do you think? Intellectual-lookin’, right? I totally look like an intellectual?”

Filia slowly tilted her head. “Hm? It’s… not… great? Subtle, for sure, but…hm. I think they don’t quite suit you.”

They didn’t suit me, huh?

I checked myself out in the mirror, but—to be perfectly frank—I had no idea whether they actually looked good on me or not. But if Filia said they weren’t a great look on me, she was probably right. I’d have to put my intellectual-in-glasses plans on hold. Besides, I didn’t want to rely on glasses to look the part, you know?

No, I needed to convey intellectualism to others around me based on the impression they got from me, not a pair of glasses. As I thought about that, I realized something.

“Hey, Filia. Aren’t these glasses kinda, uh, really cheap?”

“They are certainly quite thin, but, you know, glasses are surprisingly durable.”

“That’s not what I mean though. They’re really light.”

“Technology these days is amazing. You don’t even feel like you’re wearing them,” Filia declared casually.

At that moment, inspiration hit. I snapped my fingers. “Eureka!”

“You’re eek-who?” Filia gave me a puzzled look.

I’d just have to explain my revolutionary idea to her, then. “If you’re going to wear glasses, I think it would be way more fun if they were as heavy as a rock. You know, for training!”

“You have such a particular idea of fun.”

My idea was immediately rejected, but—no, I had to be onto something, right? “But it’s still good to have some kind of impact, you know? Oh! How about something like a function where it just suddenly electrocutes your entire body without any warning? Now that’s what I call impact! Thrilling impact!”

“No one would want that kind of impact, and glasses don’t need to be thrilling.”

Glasses didn’t need to be thrilling, huh? Then why in the world did anyone wear them?

Filia sighed. “Yuri, you really are a muscle-brained lunk through and through, aren’t you?”

“Aw, come on, Filia, you’ll make me blush.”

“Yuri, I want you to please understand what I’m doing here. I’m being disparaging.”

“Disparaging how?”

“I feel like I could call you anything, and you’d be happy as long as it had the word ‘muscle’ in it somewhere.”

“Well, I can’t help it if that makes me happy. I mean, check out these muscles, right? He he…”

“Whoa…” Upon seeing me vacantly gazing at my own muscles, a completely spellbound look in my eyes, Filia crossed her arms like she was hugging herself tight.

“Okay, you’re making that face at me right now, but what goes through your head when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror?”

“Something like…‘The world is mine!’ Or, hm, more specifically, I think about how I’m just so cute that I could eat myself up! He he he…”

“Whoa…” What was her deal?! Was she crazy or something? I put a little distance between myself and Filia as she laughed.

A few minutes later, I’d finished trying on the glasses and it was time to hand them back to Filia.

Glasses in hand, she looked oddly focused and unleashed a rather disconcerting chuckle. “Tee hee. At last, I, the star performer, shall wear the glasses!”

Before I even realized it, I’d been reduced to the opening act. I guessed that made sense, if we were going by looks. I’m not trying to be self-deprecating here—Filia is really just way too beautiful. Nothing you can do about that.

Filia had her back turned to me, so I couldn’t see her face. “Drr-drr-drr-drr!” She suddenly started making some kinda mysterious sound. Was she trying to put some kind of curse on me or something? Wait, no, maybe it was an attempt at a drumroll sound? With a bright “Dun-dun!” she whirled around to face me.

“So, what do you think? Do they look good on me?”

“I dunno. They kinda suit you. I think? I mean, you already look pretty smart,” I said. If you looked at Filia’s face alone, she gave the impression of cool and intelligent beauty.

But that impression was even further enhanced by the black lens-less glasses. Although she hadn’t changed on the inside, she looked the part of a composed, quiet, mature woman. You could just picture her reading an anthology of poetry in the library, lit by the sunlight filtering through the trees outside.

She didn’t remotely look like the kind of person who would say something like, “Drr-drr-drr-drr, dun-dun!” or anything.

Filia must’ve been pretty pleased to hear it, because she pushed the glasses up on her face, looking ecstatic. “Tee hee. I suppose I am quite sagacious.”

“Nah. I’m just saying that you look smart, is all. In reality, well…you’re more…you know.”

“I’m more what?! What do I know?!”

“Well, you know, I mean…nah, I feel sorry for you. I’m not gonna say it.” I didn’t want to fool around and hurt Filia or anything, but it seemed like my kindness had backfired.

Filia leaned over her bed. “You’re usually oh-so-straightforward and outspoken, so why is it that Mr. Delicacy only says hello at times like this, hmm? It’s quite the coincidence, so of course I’m going to be curious.”

“‘Mr. Delicacy says hello’? What does that mean?”

“Please don’t dodge the question.”

Huh? Was I the bad guy here?

“Come on, won’t you come out and say it? If you say it, it’ll make things better. Okay?” said Filia, moving over onto my bed and sitting down, tugging on my sleeves.

If she said she wanted to hear it that badly, it had to be fine. Right? “Okay, I’ll come out and say it, but it might hurt your feelings. Okay?”

“I can handle it! I will refute your every argument brilliantly, and I will demonstrate to you that I, the transcendentally beautiful elf, am absolutely and positively perfect, Yuri,” said Filia, putting her hands on her thin waist and sticking her chest out confidently.

“It’s not really that big a deal. It’s just, well, there are maybe two or three things that kinda make me not so sure about, uh. The word sagacious. As it applies to you?”

“Yes, yes, and what would those be? Can you give me citations? If you think that I, Filia, renowned for my complete perfection at all times, in all places, have any flaws, then let’s hear them!”

I took a deep breath. “You…love yourself way too much.”

“Hm.”

“You get carried away as soon as someone praises you.”

“Well, that’s…”

“And we first met because you got lost in the forest, Filia.”

“Okay, okay! Jeez, that’s enough.” Filia plopped down on my bed and hid her face with a pillow. “Ugh…” Then she started sobbing and sniffling.

“Told ya so.”

“So hurtful…” Filia sniffed and, with her face still buried into the pillow, kicked her legs around.

“But the glasses look good on you. That’s true.”

Filia turned to look toward me, her eyes glassy. The silver hue of her eyes glittered and sparkled in the light. “R-really? You’re not making fun of me again?”

“Come on, think about it. Have I ever made fun of you before?”

At that, Filia looked up and then started recalling past incidents, counting them on her fingers. “Yeah,” she said, “a few times.”

Okay, yeah, I’d made fun of her a lot. I’d just been trying to find something nice to say, but this conversation was going bad fast. “W-well, putting aside the whole making fun of you thing…I really do think the glasses look good on you. You know, they kinda, you know…you look fashionable. Maybe even smooth.”

I’d answered like a true intellectual muscle man, putting my extensive vocabulary to good use to praise her. To be specific, I’d pushed on ahead with smooth. But regrettably, I’d lived on my own for a long time, so complimenting others wasn’t my strong suit. Maybe I’d made a mistake. Maybe I’d—

“Hm. He he.”

Nope, it seemed like her mood had already improved. Jeez, flattery really did do wonders for her. Did that make her less difficult? Or more?

“Well, Yuri, that’s to be expected from yours truly!” Filia, completely recovered, now sat next to me, shoulder to shoulder.

“Yep, that’s just what I’d expect from you, Filia.” I meant her quick recovery, of course.

“Huh? What was that?” asked Filia.

“Oh, that’s just what I’d expect from you, Filia.”

“He he! I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. One more time, please?”

“That’s just…what I’d expect from you, Filia?”

“Bah ha ha! Come on, no need to butter me up! You’re embarrassing me!”

“You’ve got an interesting way of enjoying life, huh?”

As Filia lightly smacked the bed, hiding her embarrassment, I shot her a teasing look.