Chapter 132: I Can't Live Like This, Seriously

TL: Aniea

“...Mmm.”

After the first shoot ended.

Having returned home safely, I sat down on the sofa and fell into brief contemplation. Then Kim Eun-ha, who had just gotten off work, approached and asked me a question.

“Is something bothering you?”

“It's harder to immerse myself in the role than I thought.”

I confided in her honestly. It's always quicker to solve a worry by talking it out with someone rather than brooding over it alone.

At this, Kim Eun-ha tilted her head slightly in curiosity but naturally sat across from me and listened.

“What did the director say?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s more like a personal ambition. Seeing how passionately the other actors performed made me feel like I was lacking.”

I definitely felt it during the shoot. I still have a long way to go.

Although the director and others praised me, saying I did great, the same applied to Seo Jun-woo and Kim Min-jae as well.

‘I meant to overpower them....’

For this project, I had watched almost every courtroom drama and novel without distinction.

I literally immersed myself in character research, cutting down even on eating and sleeping time.

I worked so hard that I actually thought, “Wouldn't this be enough to win easily?” But that was nothing more than foolish arrogance.

‘Both of them were incredible.’

Seo Jun-woo came prepared, gritting his teeth. I expected him to do well, but I didn’t think it would be to this extent.

The character he played, Lawyer Seo Jung-woo, is a sly yet soft charismatic figure, really difficult to portray.

Not only did Seo Jun-woo pull it off perfectly, but he even layered it with his own unique color. He was such a formidable opponent.

‘The same goes for Kim Min-jae sunbae-nim.’

Honestly, I was surprised. I had been thinking only about Seo Jun-woo, so it felt like I encountered an unexpected dark horse.

Of course, I wasn’t underestimating him, he’s a 'thousand faces' actor, but he’s known more for supporting roles than leads.

Even in the films that drew ten million viewers, he appeared in supporting roles, and the few films where he played the lead barely broke even.

So compared to Seo Jun-woo, whose skill I had directly seen with my own eyes during our scenes, my expectations were inevitably lower.

‘That look in his eyes at the end, though....’

For a moment, I even suspected Kim Min-jae might actually be a psychopath. Even thinking back on it now, I get chills all over from that emotionless gaze.

It didn’t feel like I was looking at a person, but more like locking eyes with a wax figure crafted with extreme precision.

“I realized something for sure this time. I’m still lacking.”

If I had to do it again, I’d shake my head in refusal, that’s how much I gave it my all, just to barely stand shoulder to shoulder with them.

Of course, calling it “barely” isn’t quite fair, since both of them are top-tier actors in Korea, but human desire knows no bounds, right?

‘...At this rate, I might lose out on Best Actor.’

From deep inside, anxiety and nervousness began to rise like fog. A tremendous pressure loomed, that I might lose everything in an instant.

A giant snake large enough to swallow me whole seemed to be slithering up from my ankle, slowly coiling around my entire body, squeezing me in fear.

“You really are fascinating, Woo-ju ssi.”

Then, out of nowhere, a soft voice near my ear yanked me forcibly out of the abyss.

Only then did I snap out of it and naturally turn my head in the direction of the voice.

There, as always, was Kim Eun-ha, gazing at me with a relaxed smile on her lips.

“Fascinating? What do you mean?”

“You’re saying all that, but why are you smiling?”

Hmm?

Only after hearing Kim Eun-ha’s words did I realize that I was smiling. I could feel the corners of my mouth trembling faintly.

Why am I like this?

That question only lingered for a moment.

“Seriously. You're such a pervert.”

Kim Eun-ha shook her head from side to side as if she couldn’t deal with me. As I tilted my head in confusion, she added an explanation.

“You’re actually looking forward to it, aren’t you? A sweaty battle with an opponent you don’t even know if you can beat, even if you give it your all?”

“I’m not a child, you know....”

“But even as you say that, you're feeling guilty inside, right? Even when we spar, you always use every sneaky tactic you can think of just to beat me once.”

“It's not against the rules though?”

“That’s what makes it even more annoying.”

Kim Eun-ha pouted her lips in dissatisfaction. It seemed she had quite a few complaints built up from all the training matches she had with me.

Her grumbling looked quite cute, but there was something more important right now.

‘She said I’m looking forward to it....’

Now that I think about it, maybe she’s right. Watching Seo Jun-woo and Kim Min-jae’s performances definitely stirred something in me.

It could be that a sense of rivalry and the desire to challenge myself, knowing I still have room to grow, were welling up inside me.

Once I reached that thought, my whole body started to itch again. I couldn’t just sit still like this.

“Eun-ha ssi. Please help me.”

“Why should I?”

“Aren’t we already bound by fate?”

“...How do you say things like that without even flinching? Don’t go around saying that to people. It’s the perfect way to cause a misunderstanding.”

“Of course. You’re the only one for me, Eun-ha ssi.”

“You really are....”

Sigh-

Kim Eun-ha shook her head like she couldn’t win against me. Even though she spoke like that, the slight upward curl of her lips suggested she wasn’t entirely displeased.

“Tell me exactly what you want.”

“There are a few things I’d like to ask. First, I want to observe a real court trial.”

“Obviously, you’re not talking about the regular public trials that anyone can attend. Don’t tell me you mean a closed criminal trial?”

“Is that possible?”

“Mmm-”

Kim Eun-ha touched her chin and closed her eyes as if pondering something. After a moment, she opened her eyes and spoke.

“...It’s not completely impossible. But honestly, I wouldn’t recommend it. The victims come to those trials with heavy hearts, and if someone unrelated is just there watching, it wouldn’t feel right.”

“What about trials where lawyers act as representatives?”

“There might be a few, but it’d be hard to find the kind of scene you’re imagining, Woo-ju ssi. It’s not like a one-way mirror where you can just watch unseen. It might even damage your public image.”

“Then I’ll give up on that.”

At Kim Eun-ha’s words, I decisively withdrew the request. If I were the victim and someone came by to watch as if it were none of their business, I would be heartbroken too.

Besides, public observation doesn’t mean much anyway. Unlike how it’s portrayed in the media, real trials usually end disappointingly fast.

Apparently, it’s because both the prosecution and defense submit their arguments in written form beforehand.

And sometimes, if a witness doesn’t show up on the day of questioning, the entire session could end in just thirty seconds.

“Then, is it possible for me to visit psychopathic criminals in person? I think it would really help my acting if I could meet them face to face.”

“...You really say the hardest things like they’re nothing.”

Sigh-

Kim Eun-ha pressed her forehead like she had a headache and let out a sigh. Then, after a moment, she looked me straight in the eyes and asked,

“Do you really have to do this?”

“If it’s difficult, it’s okay.”

“No, that’s not the issue! You’re talking about going to meet monsters who kill people without hesitation. Don’t you feel scared or anything?”

“Mmm. Well, I’m human too. It’d be a lie to say I’m not scared. But right now, I think my curiosity outweighs my fear.”

“...I can’t live like this, seriously.”

Ahaha...

Her candid reaction left me unsure of how to respond, so I gave an awkward smile. Then suddenly, Kim Eun-ha’s eyes flashed sharply as she said,

“Fine. You wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway if I tried to stop you, because you'd just keep thinking about it. In that case, it’s better to get it over with quickly.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“But. It has to be a general visitation with a guard right beside you, and you have to promise not to do anything dangerous that might provoke the criminal.”

“What could I possibly do... All right. I promise!”

As usual, I tried to lighten the mood with a bit of humor, but Kim Eun-ha’s expression was so serious that I couldn’t bring myself to joke around.

“And also....”

For some reason still uneasy, Kim Eun-ha began to nag me about this and that.

Though she had no choice but to agree given the flow of the conversation, it felt like she was subtly asking if I might change my mind even now.

“Don’t worry too much. The guard will be right next to me the whole time. And I do know how to protect myself.”

“.......”

Seeing that I still wouldn’t say I wouldn’t go no matter what, Kim Eun-ha pouted her lips once more.

She seemed to hurl every curse she could think of at me with her eyes, and only after that did she finally nod her head.

“That damned stubbornness.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fine. I wouldn’t quite call it a trade, but in return, Woo-ju ssi, you’ll have to grant me a favor next time. Whatever it may be.”

“Feel free to ask.”

“Not now.”

“Deferred payment with a blank check feels a bit...”

“Then forget it if you don’t like it.”

Judging by her cold gaze, Kim Eun-ha clearly had no intention of yielding any further.

I was already afraid of what kind of request she might make later, but I didn’t have much of a choice.

“Understood. Let’s do that.”

“I’ll bring the contract.”

“To that extent!?”

“Everything should be made official.”

Then she actually went into her room, printed out a contract she’d made herself, and brought it back. I clicked my tongue at her thoroughness and signed it.

Of course, a contract like this wouldn’t carry any real legal effect, but just putting our promises into writing gave it all a heavier weight.

“Hehehe.”

“.......”

Kim Eun-ha let out a sinister laugh as she looked at the fully signed contract. Seeing that expression somehow gave me the distinct feeling that I’d been played.

‘...Don’t tell me this was her plan from the start?’

Now that I think about it, she kept asking if I wasn’t scared, or if I might want to reconsider. Was all of that just bait to secure a wish?

If her concerned expressions, tone, and even every single gesture had all been part of her acting...

‘No, it couldn’t be that far.’

Swish swish-

I lightly shook my head to brush away those thoughts. It's true that Kim Eun-ha is great at controlling her expressions, but still within the bounds of a regular person.

She probably truly was worried about me. It’s just that, in the middle of it, she also pushed her own benefit to the limit.

‘...Scary. So scary.’

Why did Kim Eun-ha’s smile right in front of me feel more frightening than the psychopathic criminals I was about to meet?

Shake shake-

I deliberately turned my head away from the heavy truth.

*****

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