TWELVE KINGDOMS. 2005/11/27 15:44

My Girlfriend's a Geek — LNCrawler · All chapters

Twelve Kingdoms.

2005/11/27 15:44

I don’t watch anime and I don’t really read manga,

but I do read a lot of books.

Nonfiction, novels, essays—

I don’t think I can count the number of books I’ve read.

And one of my favorites in this category

is the entire Twelve Kingdoms series of novels.

It’s quite a well-known series with anime and game adaptations left and right.

The setting is intricately detailed,

and the plot carefully but surely draws the reader in!

It’s a masterpiece, and there’s no two ways about it.

Now then, my girlfriend, Y-ko the fujoshi,

has a rather bourgeois (?) habit of

spending two hours in the bath on her days off, reading.

With the soap and all that in the water.

Apparently, it makes her skin smooth.

Normally, she reads things like fashion magazines,

so on this particular day I was preparing breakfast like normal.

However, this particular day was not like normal.

As I made eggs sunny-side up, I heard a shout from Y-ko in the bath.

Y-KO:

Hey, come here!

I figured she was out of shampoo or something, and when I went into the bathroom,

I saw Y-ko half-submerged in the bath—

reading my copy of Twelve Kingdoms.

ME:	Wh-wh-wh-what are you doing?!
Y-KO:	Hmm? I’m taking a bath.
ME:	I can see that! I want to know what you’re doing with Twelve Kingdoms!
Y-KO:	Oh, I’m borrowing it.
ME:	Aren’t you worried about moisture if you read it in the bath?!
Y-KO:	… Eww, you nasty boy.
ME:	That’s not what I mean!!
Y-KO:	Anyways, look!

Y-ko points at a particular page.

Her finger lay next to a particular word.

ME:	What about it?
Y-KO:	How do you pronounce that?
ME:	… It’s gyoukou.
Y-KO:	What does it mean?
ME:	Godsend or windfall. Something fortunate.
Y-KO:	Also, do you smell something burning?
ME:	…… Huh?…… Aaah! My eggs!!

I ran out of the bathroom in a panic.

I could hear Y-ko’s voice echoing after me.

Y-KO:

Oh, and I’m thirsty, so make me some iced cocoa!

—I can feel the rage building.

And even after that…

Y-KO:	Hey, I can’t read this word!!
ME:	Yes, dear. Coming, dear.
Y-KO:	Hey, I’m thirsty!!
ME:	Yes, dear. Almost ready, dear.
Y-KO:	Hey, I think the best pairing is Gyousou x Taiki,* you know?
ME:	Yes, yes, WHAT?!

*Gyousou x Taiki: A pairing of two Twelve Kingdoms characters, the apparently “seme” Gyousou and “uke” Taiki. Naturally (?), they’re both males.

—Don’t call me in for that!!

As I sat watching TV and feeling particularly exhausted,

I heard a shriek from the bath.

Y-KO:

Blaargh!!

W-what’s that? What happened?!

Is it Nodame?! Is it Nodame Cantabile?!

Perhaps something black and scuttling, with the initial R?!

I grabbed my bottle of roach-killing suds and rushed to the bathroom!!

Baaaaang!! (The sound of the door slamming open)

ME:	Wh-wh-wh-what’s wrong?!

I saw a shocked-looking Y-ko, her hair drenched.

Y-KO:	Okay, so, um, the water was getting cold, right? I wanted to put more hot water back in, right? When I turned it back on, it was set on the showerhead!
	And it was so cold, I got startled, and…

Her words trailed off, and she beckoned me closer.

She seemed to want me to look down into the tub.

What could it be? As I peered down into the water, I saw—

my copy of Twelve Kingdoms, completely submerged.

… Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cry… just a bit.