Me, my girlfriend, and two fujoshi.

2005/12/30 09:36

So, it seems that Comiket has begun.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend.

When I say “unfortunately,” I am neglecting to mention that I slept with great relief last night.

Not yet… I’m just not ready yet.

Some of you blog readers may have gotten your hopes up,

but I am still a chicken. Forgive me, dear readers.

Y-ko, on the other hand…

Y-ko went to Comiket with some of her fujoshi friends.

I don’t have any reason to sneer at the hobbies of other people, of course.

I really don’t, but…

these two friends of yours, dear.

Now you get to see what my nightmares are made of.

Ding-dong—

ME:	Coming, coming…
Y-KO:	It’s me!
ME:	Oh hi. Come on… in…
All:	Pardon us, coming through!

There were two women standing behind Y-ko.

And who would these delightful ladies be?

And from the sound of it, they seem to think they are coming inside.

ME:	Um… Y-ko?
Y-KO:	Oh, these are my friends.
ME:	Yes.
Y-KO:	I was telling them about you, and they wanted to meet you. So here they are. Tee-hee!

Tee-hee?

Think of your age.

And at least send me a message about it first…

ME:	Er, well, let’s not stand around. Come on in—
Fujoshi A:	So, is this the Sebas you told us about?!
ME:	………

I’d like to scream out my protestations.

No, scratch that—

But I am a chicken. I hold my tongue.

In fact, I am a shy person.

I don’t know how to act around strangers.

Especially not older women.

FUJOSHI A:	So, you were on the baseball team in school, right?
ME:	Er, yes.
FUJOSHI B:	Right-handed?
ME:	Yes.
FUJOSHI A:	Throwing and hitting?
ME:	Correct.
Y-KO:	But for some reason, his thing is curved to the left!
ME:	………?!
All:	Da-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Fujoshi A:	So, you basically speak politely by default, huh?
ME:	… Well, Y-ko is older than me.
Fujoshi B:	How old are you?
ME:	I’m twenty-one.
All:	He’s so young!

… If you’re both the same age as Y-ko, then I’m not all that much younger, really.

FUJOSHI A:	You’re not very macho for a former baseball player, are you?
ME:	Our school’s team wasn’t very good. They weren’t very strict about muscle training.
FUJOSHI B:	So that’s why you’re so skinny.
ME:	I suppose.
FUJOSHI A:	But that means you’ve still got plenty of uke characteristics!
FUJOSHI B:	Go on, strip off your clothes!
ME:	…?!

I made desperate, tearful eye contact with Y-ko.

My gaze screamed out one single, heartfelt statement: “Help!”

Y-KO:

Da-ha-ha-ha! Striii-ip! Striii-ip! Striii-ip!

Whaaaaaaaaat?!

You should be stopping them, not egging me on!

The calls of “striii-ip” echoed throughout the area.

I’m very sorry, neighbors.

I’m sure the female chorus of “striii-ip” must be confusing the hell out of you by now.

I feel the same way right now.

And then the shocking truth is revealed.

FUJOSHI A:	You know, I think he really is sort of uke!
FUJOSHI B:	Yeah… even though he’s a Sebas.

Don’t call me that.

Fujoshi A:	What’s the deal, Y-ko?
Fujoshi B:	Isn’t a Sebas supposed to be seme?
Y-KO:	Hmm… Yeah, I know what you mean, but…

Can it be? Will the terrible stigma of Sebas finally be lifted from my shoulders?!

Alas, but the thought of it disappearing forever is almost… sad.

Even without Sebas, I must be strong.

Thank you for everything, Sebas… and good-bye.

Y-KO:	Think of it this way…
	Couldn’t an uke-Sebas work just as well?

… Hello, new title: Uke-Sebas.

No, no, no, no!

ME:	Uh, I don’t…
FUJOSHI A:	Oooooh!!
FUJOSHI B:	What a fresh, new idea!!
ME:	……

… Their faces are sparkling.

There’s nothing I can do to stop them now…

Y-KO:	I know, right?!
FUJOSHI A:	You know what it’s like? One of those fish broth value packs!
FUJOSHI B:	We’re having a limited campaign for our Sebas line, ladies!
ALL:	Act now and get extra uke features for free!!
ME:	……… [Practically crying]

And of all things, I get compared to a value pack of fish broth…

When does the limited campaign end, I wonder?

But now I’m wondering…

ME:	Is it just me, or was that a really domestic example?
Y-KO:	Huh? Well, sure. I mean…
	both of these girls are housewives.

One of them even had a kid.