Tsundere (?) Talk.

2006/12/12 16:59

A whim often refers to something that pops up completely out of the blue, but Y-ko has an uncanny ability to imagine things out of thin air that far exceeds the trappings of this concept.

She takes that idea and carefully—no, carelessly—considers it in her head, and if the meeting of the mind confirms that it will be in any way “entertaining”…

… she gets me involved without hesitation.

So, here we go.

Another idiotic conversation between me and Y-ko.

Y-KO:	From now on, I think I’ll try to be a tsundere. For your sake.
ME:	… I see. For my sake?
Y-KO:	To start off: Hurry up and make dinner, Sebas!
ME:	How is that any different from normal?
	Plus, if we’re alone together, shouldn’t you be hanging all over me rather than yelling?
Y-KO:	Hmph… W-well, it’s not like I’m doing it for your sake!
ME:	Doing what?!
Y-KO:	Trying to be a tsundere.
ME:	You’re spectacularly contradicting yourself!!

Plus, that’s the kind of thing you say to hide your embarrassment after someone calls you out!

You don’t just say “I’m not doing it for your sake” out of the blue… I think! (worried)

Y-KO:	Spectacular…?
	D-don’t expect me to say thanks for that compliment!
ME:	Spectacularly is an adverb, and I wasn’t complimenting you.
Y-KO:	Why not? You should!
ME:	For what?!

Tsundere sure are annoying!

No, wait—it’s just Y-ko.

… Hmm?

Hang on, me. Settle down. Besides—

ME:	Besides, Y-ko… You know that tsundere don’t turn me on to begin with, right?
Y-KO:	… Huh? They don’t…?
ME:	Yes. So saying that you want to be a tsundere “for my sake” doesn’t make any sense…
Y-KO:	Hmm… Whatever, then.
ME:	You’re going to keep doing it?! I think you’re really missing the point!
Y-KO:	Well, as long as me being a tsundere turns me on, I don’t care.
ME:	So, it’s some kind of self-stimulation? Or should I say, self-stimoetion?
Y-KO:	You might call it self-moefficiency.
ME:	Okay, so assuming you’re all set with that… What’s my role in all of this?
Y-KO:	Your role is Villager A.
ME:	That sounds like a really minor role!
Y-KO:	Not happy? Fine, I’ll be generous… You can also have Villager B.
ME:	How is that generous in any way?
Y-KO:	Oh, and you don’t have any dialogue.
ME:	Then what’s the point of me appearing at all?
Y-KO:	Oh, there’s a meaning. That’s right… The two villagers are old friends.
	Friendship between the two men blossoms into love, and that means a love scene.
	That’s when the drama really begins to thicken.
ME:	All this without any dialogue…? And why does it have to be two men?
Y-KO:	Don’t worry about the dialogue. All you need to do is receive. Got a problem?
ME:	What I have can’t be expressed with the word problem!!
Y-KO:	Oh, stop shouting. You’ll bother the neighbors, Sebas.
ME:	If you’re going to be a tsundere, at least try to show a bit of the -dere!

Too much tsun.

How is anyone supposed to find this a turn-on?

I should sue you for misleading advertising.

Y-KO:	Who cares? Even Fanta Grape doesn’t have any fruit juice.
ME:	… Pardon?
Y-KO:	I can be a tsundere with zero percent dere.
ME:	But Fanta still tastes like grape…

Even if it’s just chemicals and artificial coloring.

And what do you mean, zero percent dere?

It’s just tsun!

Is a mere tsun all you are!?

Y-KO:	Dere content is simulated. Actual me will vary.
ME:	I wish you wouldn’t lie about the most important part of the equation!
	And I thought the dere was supposed to be the best part of tsundere!
Y-KO:	The crafty hawk hides its talons.
ME:	… Okay.
Y-KO:	The tsundere Y-ko abandons her dere.
ME:	If you have to throw out a part, get rid of the tsun!
	And if you can’t do that, at least hide the dere rather than abandoning it!
Y-KO:	You sound so desperate about this, Sebas… Gasp! Unless—!
	You’re actually a fan of tsundere? A tsundeler?!
ME:	I’ve never even heard of that word before!!
Y-KO:	It’s the latest craze in linguistic innovation!
ME:	No, it’s not!
Y-KO:	You make a pretty cool tsundra!!
ME:	Tundra? Am I supposed to be a fan of arctic wasteland!?

Tundra moe?

How the hell does anyone get turned on by that?

Latest craze of linguistic desecration is more like it.

Y-KO:	… So you really want me to be that lovey-dovey?
ME:	No, it’s just… Oh, hell. Fine, let’s just say I do.
Y-KO:	All right, then. Are you familiar with the term equal exchange, Sebas?
ME:	… And what must I do to earn an equal measure of dere?
Y-KO:	Ten shoulder massages.
ME:	That’s cheap! Wow, your dere is easy to buy!!
	If it was that easy, you should just do that to start with…
Y-KO:	Hey, don’t be rude! You have no idea how valuable your massages are to me.
	You don’t know what a pleasure they are, so don’t tell me they’re cheap.
	Your shoulder massages are the most relaxing thing in the world…
ME:	……
Y-KO:	……
ME:	………
Y-KO:	……… I…
ME:	………… I?

Uhhh.

… Right.

—This isn’t half bad.

ME:	Y-ko…
Y-KO:	What?!
ME:	Shall I massage your shoulders?

Y-KO:

Why are you smirking at me like that? I’m not that—Oh!!

Not bad.

Not bad at all.