Okay.
Everyone’s familiar with this iconic show.
Here’s a conversation that occured as we watched Doraemon.
| ME: | Hey, it’s Doraemon. |
| Y-KO: | This is one of those shows that is surprisingly good when you catch it once in a while. |
| ME: | Yeah, I guess so… |
| Y-KO: | … Hey Sebas, what would you think if you were in Doraemon’s world? |
| ME: | What would I think? Probably that it was fun. |
| Y-KO: | I know, right? Nobita × Sebas would probably be great. |
| ME: | No, it wouldn’t! |
| Why can’t you think about fun things like the Anywhere Door or the bamboo copter? |
| Y-KO: | Sounds tricky… Would the copter be seme? |
| ME: | Umm… Try to get away from the whole BL thing… |
Are there no depths to which you will not sink?
Even mere inanimate tools are subject to your fantasies?
| Y-KO: | Oh, but imagining you and Nobita involved together is such a turn-on… |
| ME: | What is your problem?! What’s happening to me?! |
| Y-KO: | And so your innocence wilted as does the flower. |
| ME: | Excuse me?! |
| Y-KO: | I tried to make it sound poetic. |
| ME: | Well, don’t! It wasn’t that poetic, anyway! |
… Not that I really consider myself an expert on poetry.
Anyway…
| ME: | … I get the feeling that one person can’t possibly have enough comebacks to handle you… |
| Y-KO: | That means threesome. |
| ME: | Why?! |
| Y-KO: | Nobita’s gonna have a babe on either side. |
| ME: | Are you still hung up on that topic? |
| Y-KO: | Oh, don’t worry. |
| We’ve got a special clause: It doesn’t count as cheating if you do it with another man. |
| ME: | Trust me, if that ever happens, you can count it… |
I don’t need that idiotic “special” clause.
It’s not like I’d ever use it!
| Y-KO: | Oh, I can? Then I have you at two, currently. |
| ME: | Two?! |
| Y-KO: | … Why? Should it be three? |
| ME: | It’s zero! The number of times I’ve cheated on you is zero! |
| Y-KO: | Ha-ha-ha, don’t be so silly… |
| ME: | Why don’t you believe me? |
| Y-KO: | Because I love you! |
| ME: | Then maybe you should trust me… |
| Y-KO: | Yes, I’m trusting that you’ve still only done it twice! |
| ME: | That’s the wrong part to trust in! |
| Y-KO: | Trust me, don’t trust me… What am I to think? You cat ears–loving bastard! |
| ME: | Cat ears?! |
| Y-KO: | What? Don’t you find them to be moe? |
| ME: | Well, to be perfectly honest, yes… |
| … but when you scream it at me like an insult, my instinct is to deny it. |
| Y-KO: | Okay… you cat-shaped, robot-loving bastard! |
| ME: | Nope! That does not get me off! |
| Y-KO: | Oh, right. I forgot, Doraemon doesn’t have any ears. |
| ME: | Is that what you assumed was my basis for getting turned on? |
Even if Doraemon did have cat ears on his head, I wouldn’t be getting all hot and bothered!
| Y-KO: | You are so picky, Nobita… |
| ME: | Was that supposed to be an impression?! You didn’t sound like Doraemon at all! |
| Y-KO: | W-well, it’s only for this one time! |
| You can’t always rely on tools to get everything done for you!! |
| ME: | Okay, you can stop trying to make Doraemon a moe character now… |
| Y-KO: | Ta-da! Fluffy handcuffs*. |
| ME: | Why would he have a tool like that? |
| What’s supposed to be happening to poor Nobita?! |
What use could you possibly have for handcuffs…?
Sounds like Nobita’s in big trouble!
| Y-KO: | Use these to torment Sebas to the limit of your desires, Nobita. |
| ME: | They’re for me?! I’m the one in trouble?! |
| Y-KO: | His skill as a sniper is world-class. |
| ME: | Quite a menacing threat… I’m done for! Help me, Doraemon!! |
| Y-KO: | There’s no escaping from reality, Sebas! Don’t avert your eyes from the truth! |
| ME: | It’s not reality I want to escape from, it’s your wicked imagination! |
| Y-KO: | Oh, there’s no escape from that. Once you’re caught, you can never get away. |
| ME: | Sounds terrifying… |
| Y-KO: | Heh… |
| ME: | Uhhh… Did you just put me on the same level as an insect…? |
| Y-KO: | Hmm, good point. Calling me a Venus Sebas trap is putting me down. |
| ME: | No, me! It’s putting me down! |
| Y-KO: | … Okay, how about this, then? |
| ME: | …? |
| Y-KO: | You can’t stop; you can’t quit. Sebas crackers! |
| ME: | That would mean you’re the one who can’t get away… |
And if either of us is truly trapped here, it’s me.
I don’t think I’ll ever get away from Y-ko.
She’s got me firmly trapped in her clutches.
You can’t stop; you can’t quit.
… It’s not too bad, actually.