Chapter 6: Awkwardness

In the end, Lin Yan still didn't change his tune. Old Niu had been walking for a long time, but the night had not yet passed, and the temperature was dropping steadily. So, he stopped the ox cart in a leeward hollow and built a fire, roasting the flatbread given by the elderly woman earlier while soaking in the warmth of the flames.

Shen Qingci sat in the cart, the firelight dancing across her face. She looked down at her son, her eyes glowing with maternal tenderness, though her own cheeks felt unusually hot. Earlier on the road, Shen Qingci had a dream. The contents of the dream were too shameful to speak of. She dreamed that she had fallen into that solid chest again, a firm arm wrapping around her waist. Then came a chaotic flurry of images—things Shen Qingci had never experienced in real life, yet played out with vivid clarity in her dream. She didn't know who the man was, but in the dream, she somehow seemed to know.

When she jolted awake, Shen Qingci was drenched in sweat, her heart pounding wildly—THUMP, THUMP. She instinctively lifted the curtain and peeked outside.

Lin Yan was still there. The firelight cast flickering shadows on the side of his face. Even though he was clearly just a young man from a poor family, he possessed none of the subservient or sleazy demeanor typical of his station. Instead, he was like a piece of Shitou, so unyielding it was unsettling.

As if sensing her gaze, Lin Yan turned his head. Shen Qingci hurriedly dropped the curtain. Her heartbeat quickened, and even breathing became somewhat difficult. But of all times, a sudden pressure built up in her lower abdomen right at this moment. She froze for a moment, then bit her lip hard. Shen Qingci tried to hold it in, but the urge grew increasingly urgent and unbearable. She was a respectable woman; how could she possibly bring up such a thing? Especially out in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of night, and in front of a man she had known for barely a day.

Shen Qingci grew so anxious that beads of cold sweat broke out on her forehead. She clamped her legs tightly together, but the more she fought it, the more overwhelming the urge to pee became.

Just then, Lin Yan's voice drifted through the curtain. "What's wrong?"

She panicked, wondering if he had heard her rustling around.

"N-Nothing," Shen Qingci tried her best to make her voice sound calm, but she couldn't hide the tremor in her words.

Lin Yan fell silent for a moment before suddenly asking, "Do you need to relieve yourself?"

Shen Qingci's mind went blank with a loud BUZZ, and she felt so ashamed she wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. How was she supposed to answer that?

Lin Yan stood up and brushed the ash from his hands. "Go ahead." His tone was perfectly even. "Eating, drinking, and relieving oneself are basic human needs. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

Shen Qingci finally looked up. "Don't you dare peek!"

Lin Yan nodded with a natural expression. Of course, he would do no such thing.

Shen Qingci placed the baby deep inside the cart's shelter, covered him well with a blanket, and slowly stepped down. Her legs were a bit weak, though she wasn't sure if it was from fear or embarrassment. The woods were pitch-black, and Shen Qingci was too afraid to venture far. She could only find a nearby, concealed spot to handle her business. Squatting down, she reached out to untie her sash.

The sound of water was unusually piercing in the dead of night, flowing incessantly—SPLASH, SPLASH. Shen Qingci's face burned fiercely, flushing red from the roots of her ears all the way down her neck. She wished desperately for it to end immediately, but the splashing sound seemed as though it would never stop, dragging on and on.

When she finally finished, she hurriedly tied her sash back in place, stood up, and walked back to the ox cart with her head bowed. She walked so fast she nearly tripped and fell.

Lin Yan still had his back to her, standing as motionless as a stone statue. Shen Qingci didn't dare lift her head or even cast a second glance at his back. She climbed straight into the cart, dropped the curtain, and buried her face in the baby's swaddling clothes, panting heavily.

It took a long time for her heartbeat to gradually settle down. Outside the curtain, Lin Yan's voice sounded again. "The flatbread is ready. I left it on the cart shaft."

Shen Qingci didn't answer. Caught between embarrassment and shame, she felt that she must have looked utterly pathetic just now.

It was quiet outside for a while before Shen Qingci heard footsteps. She lifted a corner of the curtain and saw Lin Yan leaning against Old Niu, resting with his eyes closed. The fire had almost died out, leaving only a few red embers flickering in the dark night.

A sudden wave of sympathy washed over her. This man had driven the cart for so long and fought a life-and-death battle for her, yet now he had to make do with napping against an ox. And just moments ago, she had made things difficult for him over a little bit of modesty.

Taking a deep breath, Shen Qingci picked up the baby and stepped off the cart once more. Lin Yan opened his eyes and looked at her.

"You should get some proper rest. I'll take over the night watch," Shen Qingci said, trying her best to sound natural.

"Huh? Since when does the employer keep watch? I'll do it."

"I just slept for a while, so I can't fall back asleep anyway."

"Is that so... Well, wake me immediately if anything happens. And remember to eat the flatbread."

"Mm, thank you."

Shen Qingci sat down opposite him and adjusted the swaddling bundle, allowing the baby to sleep more comfortably. "The cart is empty. You can go sleep in there."

Lin Yan didn't refuse. He stood up, brushed the grass clippings off his clothes, and headed toward the cart shelter.

The embers sputtered softly—CRACKLE, CRACKLE—as the wind kicked up a few stray sparks. Cradling the child, Shen Qingci stared blankly into space. Now that she had a quiet moment, the images from her dream resurfaced in her mind, causing her entire body to flush with heat. Shen Qingci shook her head, as if trying to toss those chaotic thoughts away, but to no avail. Those images seemed to have taken root in her brain; the harder she tried not to think about them, the clearer they became. She simply gave up resisting, letting the visions flicker freely before her eyes.

***

Just as the sky began to turn a hazy gray with the approaching dawn, Lin Yan woke up. Lifting the curtain, he saw that Shen Qingci was still sitting by the fire pit, dozing off with the baby in her arms. The fire had completely died out, leaving nothing but a pile of white ash. He hopped down from the cart and walked over to her.

Shen Qingci jolted awake. Seeing that it was Lin Yan, she relaxed. "You're awake?" her voice was laced with heavy exhaustion.

"Mm. Thanks for your hard work." Lin Yan glanced at the baby in her arms; the child was still sleeping, his little face slightly flushed. "Get in the cart."

Shen Qingci nodded. She stood up with the baby in her arms, but her legs were numb, causing her to sway unsteadily. Lin Yan reached out and steadied her arm. Shen Qingci's face turned red again. She murmured a quiet thanks, pulled away from his grasp, and walked quickly toward the ox cart. Lin Yan didn't mind. He turned around to hitch up the cart.

The ox cart set off down the road once more. The morning light spilled over the eastern peaks, dyeing the horizon in a pale shade of gold. Dewdrops hung heavily from the grass along the roadside. As the wheels rolled over them, the moisture clung to the wood, leaving the rims damp.

In Shen Qingci's arms, the baby woke up. He opened his dark, grape-like eyes and began to babble adorably. She looked down to play with him, a faint smile involuntarily gracing her lips. But whenever her gaze inadvertently swept past the curtain and landed on that straight, upright back at the front of the cart, her smile would stiffen slightly before she quickly looked away.

Lin Yan did not look back. He held the reins firmly in his hands, his eyes fixed steadily on the path ahead. Though the journey was long, as long as he kept moving forward, he would eventually reach his destination one day.