site 12: Yuta Gamon

Wednesday, February 17th

[Breaking News] Sarai gets his ass kicked by Myu Aikawa lololol [Myu-Pom]

From the last episode of “Myu’s Nicco-Nico Live Fortune-Telling”

■NEET God

SARAI YOU LOSSSSEEEEEE!

You started off great, but then halfway through you started to get wrecked. Apologize to Myu-Pom, seriously.
From now on, Kirikiri Basara will be siding with Myu Aikawa. (Yeah, baby!)

156: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

God you guys are freaking out. Never change.

157: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

All I saw was Myu Aikawa crying twice in a row. Someone tell me why we’re making it sound like Sarai lost.

158: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

Let’s go to the sea, Brother. You love the sea, right?

159: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

Hey, Sarai! Hey, Sarai!

How’d it feel to lose to a teenage fortune-teller? Huh? How’s it feel?

160: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

So when’s Sarai going to comment about this? I haven’t seen him show up once since yesterday. Oh... I know why.

161: Tokotoko

That’s a fun stream, huh?

162: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

>157

Last time Myu cried because the other guy made her look like a fake. This time that didn’t happen.

163: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

>157

This time she cried out of pity for Sarai, see. Something about his dad, remember? She’s so kind. And so cute.

164: Anonymous’s #1 Fan

Guys don’t be such dicks to Sarai, lol

He called in to represent us, right? rofl

I stared at the screen. The browser was displaying yesterday’s “Myu’s Nicco-Nico Live Fortune-Telling.” I’d seen it live, and then gone back and watched it five times.

I didn’t really care about what had happened with Sarai. What was more interesting was...

“Myu-Pom’s face really is the cutest!” The way she’d taken off her hood, and held herself tight while she silently cried was the cutest thing I’d seen in years. She was a goddess. I was in love.

I’d liked it when she’d cried in frustration the episode before, too, but...

The way she’d cried this time, like she was trying to not let anyone know she was doing it...

“It’s just wonderful. A girl’s tears are a wonderful thing.”

“Gamota, how many times have you said that today?” Master Izumin was looking at me and sighing.

“Hmph. I’m sure my feelings are too delicate for you to understand, Master Izumin. For an unpopular NEET boy like me, even tears of sympathy are something I’m insanely jealous of. My conclusion: Sarai can go to Hell. Screw him.”

“Oh my. That’s twisted. Maybe I’ll give you a free drink out of sympathy for your inability to get girls, then.” He winked at me, and a cold chill ran down my back.

“S-Stop it.” He was planning on using me as a guinea pig for some weird drink like he did last time. I was grateful that he let me stay here at Café☆Blue Moon, but the last one was so nasty it almost killed me. The stomach pain was so bad I almost died.

But maybe he’d read what I’d written and changed the recipe. Maybe.

Maybe that’s why he was so confident when he gave me the new drink.

Since I was the one who’d given him the advice, it wouldn’t be right to turn it down.

I didn’t see any way out of it, so I took the drink he offered me— it looked like dark green vegetable juice— and gulped it down.

“Ghawaghhkk! GAACCK!” The instant it touched my lips, an incredible sourness shot from my mouth to the back of my nose and into my brain. It was so painful I froze and couldn’t move.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

“Seaberry juice. It’s supposed to be the most sour juice in the world, but it’s healthy, so I got some.”

“Why the hell did you do that?” Not only did he ignore my advice, he wasn’t even the one who made this! I was a fool for expecting anything from him. I swallowed some water and swished it around in my mouth. But the shaking sensation in my brain didn’t go away. Tears started to pour out of my eyes.

“He can’t help it.” Ryotasu put her hand on my shoulder and started to nod.

“I really do feel bad for poor Sarai.”

“I-Is that what we’re talking about?”

“Pohya-yah?” Ryotasu tilted her head.

Evidently the fact that I was suffering from Master Izumin’s awful drink meant nothing to melon girl here. Did that mean Sarai meant more to her than I did?

“Ryotasu, what do you see in a jerk like him? D-Does he maybe have something that awakens your motherly instincts?! Grr... damn him!”

“Gamotan, don’t cry! If you cry, I’ll cry, too!”

“I’m crying because of that pervert Master’s awful juice!”

“But weren’t you on Sarai’s side?”

“Bwee hee hee!” My mouth was still partially paralyzed, so my laugh sounded really funny. “Master Izumin, the man who cannot make a drink to save his life, just said something funny! What made you think I would side with a dickhead like Sarai? I’m on Myu-Pom’s side, of course.”

“Isn’t Sarai from Kirikiri Basara, though?”

Well, sure. The site mostly got by thanks to his comments, but...

“Master Izumin, Sarai is old news now. He’s finished! I’m grateful for what he’s done for us so far, but after the bitch-slapping Myu-Pom gave him yesterday, things have changed.”

“Oh, so you’re giving up on him, huh? You’re such a cruel man, Gamota.”

“Say what you like. But once you look at this, you’ll understand.” I pulled up a counter on my laptop that showed the total hits Kirikiri Basara had gotten since yesterday.

“Look at this! Ten times more views than yesterday! Ten times! Kirikiri Basara is finally a famous affiliate blog! Oh man, what should I do? I’m gonna get even more haters than before! This is definitely the Myu-Pom Effect! Myu-Pom’s got the magic touch! I don’t need Sarai! I’ve got Myu-Pom!” I’d done nothing over the last few days but upload articles about Myu-Pom, and the hit counter had gone up this much. The whole internet knew that Kirikiri Basara was the place to go for the latest Myu-Pom information. This was good news.

“Mwaha! I can’t wait to see next month’s income! I may be able to get you that yogurt soon, Ryotasu!”

“Poya?” Ryotasu was spacing out like always.

Maybe she’d forgotten that she’d told me to buy her some yogurt? That would be kind of depressing.

I rubbed the tears away with the sleeve of my shirt.

“Maybe we should just switch to being a Myu-Pom site. Her fortune-telling is the real thing.”

“Huh. You believe in fortune-telling, Gamota?” Master Izumin looked surprised for a moment, but he quickly offered me a copy of Kyam-Kyam with a satisfied look on his face. “Read this, then. You want to read your beloved Myu’s fortune-telling column, right?”

“Oh, thanks.” I decided to accept it gratefully. “W-Wait! It’s not like I believe in fortune-telling! It’s not scientific at all.”

I was just interested in the column because Myu-Pom wrote it. “But whatever Myu-Pom does, I’ll forgive it. And I’ll believe her. Cuteness equals truth, you see.”

“Yup, yup. I think so, too!” Oh, wow. Ryotasu actually participated in a conversation for once.

“That’s my Ryotasu for you. That’s just what I want to see from the staff of Kirikiri Basara.” I decided to keep my tears over the yogurt to myself.

“I don’t think anybody wants science in their fortune-telling, you know?”

“That’s what you call not thinking. That’s what wrong-siders do. You can’t get by these days if you’re like that.”

“Is that how it works? What about that one guy? You know, the one on TV with the long hair?”

There were a lot of guys on TV with long hair.

“The famous teacher from your school. He’s older, but he’s got really long hair, so I can picture his face, but... what was his name? Gama... gami?”

“It’s Dr. Hashigami! ♪”

“Yeah, that’s right! Him!”

Oh, Professor Hashigami, huh? Yeah, he was a professor at Seimei Academy, my school. He worked for the university, not the high school, though. “What about him?”

“Didn’t he say recently that he could scientifically prove the existence of ghosts?”

He did. He used to be totally against the occult, but lately he’d suddenly changed his mind. He’d started saying that he could scientifically prove the existence of ghosts. Not that anyone actually believed the guy.

“I don’t really like that stuff. All I want from ghosts is for them to show up in haunted houses and horror stories and scare me. I’m sure that’s what most people think, right?”

“Sure. I think it’s important to have something that adds spice to life.” The occult was supposed to be scary. “But Master Izumin, humans are creatures that seek answers.”

“Oh my. Aren’t you the little show-off?”

“I’m the admin of an occult blog! Even if I don’t believe in the occult!” If you could scientifically prove that ghosts were real, that would shake the whole occult industry to its core. You wouldn’t be able to make horror movies, either. Even the famous ghost-story teller Mr. Inagawa would go out of business. But even so, humans weren’t capable of leaving something that they couldn’t explain alone.

I should use that on Kirikiri Basara.

“Hey, hey, Samurai Gamonosuke!” Ryotasu grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled. “Hey, hey, let’s go see Dr. Hashigami!”

“Huh? Why?”

“We can do a story for Kirikiri Basara! It’s okay, right, Samurai Gamonosuke?”

Why was I a samurai, anyway? But...

“I never thought of that. If we did an exclusive interview with Professor Hashigami, it might boost our page views.” He’s at the same school I am, so I might as well, right? “It’s a pain in the butt, though. And he’s on TV all the time. My honor wouldn’t let me just go up and ask him for an interview. Huh, I became a samurai for a moment there. Tee hee!”

I didn’t really know that much about the occult. And I knew even less about science. And there was no way a NEET god like me could ask someone who was on TV all the time for an interview. Even if I tried, I’d get scared and run away at the last minute. I hated to say it, but I just wasn’t that brave. Just thinking about it was enough to bring back the stomach pain.

“Correspondent Ryotasu!”

“Ponyah? Correspondent?”

“Y-You were the one who came up with the idea, so you go handle the interview! Don’t screw it up!”

“Wow! I got a mission! I’ll do my best!” Ryotasu raised her hands and jumped around. Each time she landed, her huge breasts shook up and down. Amazing.

“Correspondent! Correspondent! Corres-corres-high-voltage-old-man!” Ryotasu started to sing a strange song that sounded like some kind of curse, but Master Izumin stopped her.

“I’m about to open the shop. My real customers are about to arrive, so can you two leave?” And then we were kicked out of the café.

The clock read 7:00 PM exactly. After sunset, the wind in Kichijoji was cold. I missed being in a heated room.

“Man, I wonder if Myu-Pom is walking around out here. There’s a good chance I could run into her.” When she’d been on TV they’d done the filming in Kichijoji, so she definitely lived around here.

Well, if I spent all my time at Café☆Blue Moon, I was probably never going to see her. If I wanted to meet a girl like her, I’d have to go to Starbucks or something.

I held my computer with both hands as I walked down the street. The screen was displaying a frozen image of Myu-Pom. I sighed and went to close it, when...

“I know where Myu is.” Ryotasu looked up at the sky and spoke without warning.

“Huh? You know where she is?”

“Look, it’s right here.” Ryotasu turned around and pointed at the screen.

“Here? You know where it is?”

“It’s the AV room, right? At your school?”

For a moment, I didn’t know what she was saying. I stared at Ryotasu’s face.

Then at the laptop screen.

Then I looked back at Ryotasu.

She grinned back at me.

“It’s the AV room at your school, right?”

“Huh?! What?!” I hadn’t even thought about it until she said it. There was always a good chance that Myu-Pom went to a high school in Kichijoji. But still... Could it be?

“Am I... lucky?”