site 19: Yuta Gamon

Friday, February 19th

“Myu Aikawa, the famous teenage fortune-telling girl, has joined the staff of Kirikiri Basara!” I was in a state of huge excitement after this miraculous occurrence yesterday, and of course, I was in the mood to brag about it on Twitter. It was like a dream come true.

I mean, can you believe it? That means I’ve got two hot girls, Ryotasu and Myu-Pom, working for a niche blog like Kirikiri Basara. No doubt about it: This made me a normie.

But when I woke up this morning, the excitement of the moment had faded, and I was starting to have second thoughts. And as a result, I lost the chance to announce the big news, which could’ve been a huge boost to my traffic numbers.

It wasn’t “like a dream come true.” It was a dream. I had to be dreaming. And if I wasn’t dreaming, something was up. At least, that’s how it felt to me.

“Hello, excuse me.” Café☆Blue Moon still wasn’t open.

I led Myu-Pom— she’d told me yesterday that her real name was Miyuu Aikawa— inside the café. She looked a little surprised at the decorations.

“Yahhh! Wow, it’s the real Myu!” Master Izumin shouted in his creepy way and leapt out from behind the counter. He pushed me aside and grabbed Myu by the hand.

“Can I shake your hand?!” It seemed like a waste of time to point out that he already was.

Master Izumin kept a firm grip on Myu-Pom’s hand as the two exchanged introductions.

“I always read your fortune-telling articles.”

“Really? That makes me super happy.”

“Hey, Gamota! Gamota! Can you take a picture? A picture of me and Myu! It’s okay, right, Myu?”

“Oh, sure. That’s fine. Ahaha...” Myu-Pom looked a little overwhelmed, and couldn’t bring herself to refuse. I saw no choice but to take the photo he wanted.

“Aw, that’s so great! I want a photo with Myu, too!”

Come on, Ryotasu. At least pretend to have some social grace... Eh, I guess that’s impossible.

I was starting to get a stomachache. Since Myu-Pom was working for Kirikiri Basara, I’d brought her here to our base of operations.

But I still wasn’t 100% sure how or why she’d ended up working with us. And I still hadn’t told her the most important thing, that Kirikiri Basara was an anti-occult blog. That was one of the reasons I’d brought her here. But how to tell her?

“Oh, my phone’s ringing. Excuse me.” Myu-Pom took her phone out of her bag. It was vibrating.

“Oh, Chi? I’m fine. I told you a bunch of times already, I’m just fine. You’re too worried. They haven’t done anything weird to me. Really.”

What did she mean by “weird”? I had no choice but to stand there and wait for her to finish her call. Which meant, of course, that I heard everything she was saying. But I couldn’t help it, right?

“Yeah, thanks Chi. Yeah. See you tomorrow. Bye-bye.” Myu-Pom hung up with a smile and bowed. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“Was that a friend?”

“Oh, right. She’s from my fortune-telling club. She’s a super nice girl. She’s always worried about me. Want me to introduce you to her?”

“N-No! No way!”

Crap! That sounded really weird!

“Huh? ‘No way’? You think you’re too good for her? Well, I’m not letting you have her, anyway!” Myu-Pom sounded a little upset, but she quickly broke into a grin. She seemed to understand that I didn’t mean anything by it.

Myu-Pom spun around and looked at the café, seemingly impressed. “This is a really cute café, huh?”

C-Cute? TIL that I had no idea what Myu thought was cute.

“Thank you! You’re welcome any time, Myu. Any time at all!”

Master Izumin kept interrupting. I let you get a photo, so back off, you pervert master.

“Did you choose this café because you liked the decorations, Gamon?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah...”

“Hmm... I like it. It works. But it doesn’t really feel like your kind of thing.” For some reason she seemed to be looking me over from head to toe.

Yeah, that was a compliment. There’s such a thing as gap moe, right? She must have felt some kind of potential within me that was unimaginable from my boring appearance, and been struck by my gap moe! Uwaaaah! Now I’m feeling excited! Well done, Blue Moon!

“Wouldn’t this be a great place to do my fortune-telling livestream? It’s got more atmosphere than the place we do it now.”

“Oh my, you mean your Nicco-Nico Livestream? I’d love that! I bet the customers would, too!”

Master Izumin, shut up!

“So Gamon, is this where you do your work for Kirikiri Saraba?”

“Oh... It’s Basara, not Saraba.”

“Umyu? I see. If it was Saraba, you’d be cutting goodbyes, right?”

“Th-That’s right. Well, for an occult blog, maybe Saraba would be a better name... Maybe.”

“Sorry. I got it wrong.”

“Nah, I’m sorry.”

The two of us bowed to each other.

“You two get along, huh?” Ryotasu laughed.

So did Myu-Pom. I grinned. This was turning into a romantic comedy. Is this how it felt to be a normie? If so, then I loved it! It was a little embarrassing, and really wonderful! My heart wouldn’t stop pounding! Marry me!

“Oh, sit down. Um, what will you have to drink? Oh, but don’t get your hopes up. The owner’s so stingy he won’t give you anything but water, eheheh...”

“Excuse me, Gamota? I’m sorry to interrupt you when you’re getting your creepy laugh on, but if you’re willing to pay, I’ll bring you soft drinks. Don’t get the wrong idea, okay?”

“Tsundere Master for the win! Bring us three waters!”

“Bring them yourself.” He got me the glasses, ice, and nothing else.

Since I had no other choice, I brought the waters from the counter to the table, and placed one in front of Myu-Pom.

“Thank you. You’re really nice, Gamon.”

R-Really nice?! All you had to do to be “really nice” was bring her water?! I’d never been told that by a girl my age! Now I was really excited!

“Wait, hold it! I know what ‘nice’ means. Nice means ‘total beta who would never put the moves on a girl,’ doesn’t it? I know it does.”

“No, I didn’t say that...”

“No, I mean, you’re absolutely right, ma’am!”

“Wait, why are you calling me ‘ma’am’ when you’re older than me?”

“Oh, um... well...”

“You can just talk your usual way.”

“O-Okay... Roger that, milady.”

“Oh! It’s Samurai Gamonosuke!” Ryotasu started to clap.

Myu-Pom was watching her with a grin.

“Are you blushing, Gamon?”

“I am.”

“Ahaha, that’s hilarious. Even though I’m younger than you?”

“I’m blushing.”

“Gamonosuke is a blushing pervert samurai, after all.”

“Ryotasu? Who are you calling a pervert?” Myu-Pom stared at me, then Ryotasu, then back at me again.

“Wh-What is it?”

“Are you and Narusawa... Oh, wait, Narusawa’s a first-year student, isn’t she?”

“That’s right. I’m a fresh young freshman!”

“Are you two dating?”

“*Cough* *hack*”

“I mean, when you two came to the fortune-telling club yesterday, you were together. And the two of you have been running Kirikiri Saraba together this whole time, right?”

“Um... it’s not Saraba...”

“Oh, right. Right. So, are you dating?”

“Ryotasu is Gamotan’s servant familiar! ☆ Sparkle-ting! ☆”

“Is that, um... some kind of code word for something naughty? Is that the kind of guy you are, Gamon? If that’s the case, then that’s super-creepy.”

“Th-That servant familiar thing is just something Ryotasu says! I’m just the admin of Kirikiri Basara, and she’s my correspondent. That’s all!” Of course, I would’ve been happy to get involved in “something naughty” with Ryotasu. But I was the NEET God, and didn’t have the courage to ask a real girl out. Not even close.

“But Gamotan’s had me threaten him with a ray gun before!”

“What?! Gamon, you threatened her with a gun?! She’ll turn you over to the police! I thought you were a nice person, but maybe I was wrong!”

“No, you need to listen more carefully. She was the one who threatened me.”

“Huh? She threatened you?”

“Yeah. The first time we met. And actually, she shot me.”

Myu-Pom looked over at Ryotasu to see if I was telling the truth. Ryotasu nodded, grinning.

“It’s true, then... You two have a really special relationship, don’t you? I won’t ask for more details, then.”

She was looking at me like I was a pervert! Man, this was embarrassing. It was like somebody found out about my fetishes. I could feel my face turn as red as a boiled octopus. I took a gulp of cold water to hide it.

“Listen, why are you asking me so many questions? Do you *cough* like me, or something? *Cough* If you do, I’m just fine with choosing you instead of her.”

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, sorry... the water went down the wrong pipe.”

“Narusawa, is Gamon always like this?”

“I think he’s just a little excited. Right, Gamotan?”

“Are you excited, Gamon?”

“I am, I sure am! This is like a dream come true! I’ve never played an H-game, but I bet this is what they’re like! I’m half-convinced it’s some big conspiracy! Right now, I’m literally wondering if your friend Chi isn’t hiding in the shadows and recording all this so that you can up it to Nico and make fun of me!”

“Chi wouldn’t do that.”

“Then why are you getting my hopes up like this?! Why did you come with me to this creepy-ass bar?! When did I turn into a normie?! This whole thing is impossible! If this is a dream, I want to wake up! No, actually, I don’t!”

“Excuse me, Gamota? What do you mean, ‘creepy-ass bar’? If you’re going to be a brat, I’ll kick you out.”

“*Cough* That’s not what I meant, Master Izumin.”

“Gamon, you’re being kinda creepy.” I could see the smile frozen on Myu-Pom’s face.

She said I was creepy. I guess I got too excited. Damn it. It was time to calm down. I didn’t want her hating me even more.

Ryotasu brought me another glass of water, and I gulped it down. Whew...

I sat back in my chair and took several deep breaths, secretly glancing at Myu-Pom to see how she was doing. The popular female fortune-teller was having a nice chat with Ryotasu.

“Myu, have you ever had the frozen yogurt from Woodberrys?”

“Oh, I have!”

“Wow! How was it? How was it?”

“It was super-good! It’s crazy!”

“I’m so jealous...”

“Do you like it?”

“Poya... I’ve never been. Poyan...”

“Then let’s go sometime!”

“No, I can’t. Gamotan told me he’d take me. I’m still waiting for him.”

Sh-She remembered?

“Are you two sure you aren’t dating?”

“Pohya-yah?”

Okay... I’d finally calmed down, and I was ready to ask her the question I’d been wondering this whole time.

“Um, Myu-Pom... er, Aikawa. Yesterday, when you said you’d been waiting. What did that mean?”

Myu-Pom suddenly sat up straight. It felt like she’d been waiting for me to ask that question.

“My fortune-telling told me that if I were with you, it would open up a path to my future.”

“Huh?”

“That’s the reason. It’s kind of selfish. I’m sorry.” She bowed deeply, but...

“You told your own fortune?”

“Yes.”

“What happens if you’re with me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Um... you know the blog I run, right? Kirikiri Basara? It’s anti-occult, and it’s what’s called an affiliate blog, which means I make money by...”

“I know the basics, yeah. I know what it says, and I know what everybody says about it. I looked it up yesterday after I got home.”

“Oh, I see.” She already knew, huh?

“Th-Then you know what that means, right? I’m a scummy NEET who’s going to use your fortune-telling to make money.”

“I don’t care if you’re a scummy NEET.” Myu-Pom’s voice was clear.

So she’s not denying that I’m a scummy NEET, huh?

“I’ve still decided that I’m better off together with you.”

Uwah... I could feel a kind of incredible resolve coming from within her, and it gave me goosebumps. I could tell that the results of her fortune-telling were really important to her. It made sense, since she was a fortune-teller, after all. For a guy like me, who didn’t believe in the occult, her earnestness made me a little jealous in a way I didn’t understand.

“Is that not good enough?”

Either way, when she stared at me with those needy eyes, how could I not blush? I looked away.

Um... I needed to say something. I needed to say something cool.

“B-By the way, if you do join Kirikiri Basara’s staff, I want to do a bunch of interviews, and maybe have you do articles for the site, and maybe some events, like handshake events, and then maybe you and Ryotasu can go out and be correspondents and find us stuff to report on. That’ll mean that Kirikiri Basara is sure to be a super-famous affiliate blog! We’ll get tons of affiliate cash, and I won’t have to work!”

“Y-You’re planning to make me do all that?”

Oh no! I panicked! I’m doomed! If I keep talking like this, Myu-Pom is going to knock over her chair and run out of the room! I need to get back on track! “U-Um, but Kirikiri Basara is going to promote you heavily. So it’s a win-win, right?”

“Win-Win Don-Dorurururu! Grandpa’s DOHC!” Ryotasu started making noises like a car engine, but I ignored her.

Myu-Pom didn’t look especially mad when she heard me. “I don’t really need you to promote me, but if you’ll hire me, I’ll do what I can.”

“So maybe a swimsuit photo shoot—”

“Not happening.”

“Haha, yeah... didn’t think so.” Still, she really wanted to be with me, huh? It felt like I was the only person who had anything to gain here, but if Myu-Pom was okay with this, then there was nothing more for me to say. Otherwise, she might change her mind.

“Then it’s settled. I look forward to working with you, Myu-Pom.”

“Huh? Myu... Pom?”

Oh, crap...

“Th-The staff at Kirikiri Basara all use nicknames for each other! Your nickname is Myu-Pom! That’s my decision and I’m sticking to it! Ryotasu is Ryotasu!”

“And Gamotan’s Gamotan! ☆”

Thank you, Ryotasu!

“So you can call me by a nickname too, if you want. Yuta, maybe?”

“Hmm... I’ll go with Gamo.”

“That’s very... normal.”

“Yuta isn’t even a nickname, for one thing.”

“Haha... yeah. It’s not.”

“Anyway, I look forward to working with you too, Gamo.” Myu-Pom chuckled and bowed to me.

And in that instant, I truly became one of life’s winners. From now on, I would be updating my blog after school in the company of two cute, younger girls. Talk about being a NEET God! All other NEETs around the world were sure to be jealous of me now.

“I didn’t know you could tell your own fortune, though. Didn’t Sarai say something about that during your livestream? I think he said that people who couldn’t tell their own fortunes were frauds, right?”

“That’s right. That ticked me off, so I tried telling my own future.”

“Well, Sarai got his butt kicked, and he deserved it, too.”

“Do you know him?”

“He’s a regular at Kirikiri Basara. I’ve never met him, though. He was all set to humiliate you, and then he got wrecked. I laughed when I watched it.”

Myu-Pom’s expression suddenly darkened. Was she maybe worried about Sarai? I thought I remembered her saying something about his dad.

“I feel bad for poor Sarai.”

“Again, Ryotasu? That’s the third time you’ve said that. I’m sick of hearing it.”

“Poyayah...”

Just as Ryotasu looked down, depressed, I suddenly heard a muffled voice from down by my feet. A cold chill ran down my back. I imagined that someone was underneath my chair, and almost leapt back in fright.

It was a very faint voice. But it started to get louder, and it quickly became clear that I wasn’t hallucinating it. It sounded like an angry woman, moaning, her voice coming from deep beneath the Earth.

And suddenly there was a different woman’s voice. It wasn’t Japanese, but there was a melody, and it sounded like a song. Her voice was sad and lonely. I wondered where it was coming from, but I could only think of one place.

It was the case I always carried on my shoulder. The Skysensor was sitting at my feet right now. The song was coming from the radio’s speaker.

The voice was loud enough now that it was filling the whole café. The volume knob must have been turned all the way up, because the clipping was awful. I quickly opened the case and turned down the volume.

“What song is that?”

I glanced at Ryotasu and Myu-Pom, But neither of them seemed to know. I’d never heard the song, either.

It was dark and gloomy, and just hearing it was enough to make me feel down. The audio quality was terrible, so I guessed that it was an old song that wasn’t Japanese. I glanced over to the counter and saw that Master Izumin was staring at my radio, looking deathly pale.

“Master Izumin, do you know what song this is?”

“...”

“Master?”

“Huh? O-Oh... This song? Of course I know it. It’s a really bad one, I think.”

“A bad one? What do you mean?”

In answer to Myu-Pom’s question, Master Izumin came out from behind the counter and dropped his voice to a whisper.

“The song’s title is, um... something ‘Sunday.’ What was it, again? ‘Lonely’... no... It’s not ‘Scary,’ either... That’s right. ‘Gloomy Sunday’!”

“Sunday’s gloomy? If you ask me, I think Monday’s gloomier. ☆”

“Ryotasu, you see, this is something really scary.” Master Izumin normally always joked around, but now he was very serious. I started to feel a little scared, too.

“‘Gloomy Sunday’... I think I’ve heard of it, too,” Myu-Pom said, but she still didn’t seem to fully recall it.

I... I’d never heard of a song like that. “So what’s up with this song? Does it have a bad reputation or something?”

“This was an urban legend back when I was in high school, but... Hmm... I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s not exactly pleasant.”

“Come on, just tell us! Urban legends are always fake, anyway.” Master Izumin sighed and shook his head.

“‘Gloomy Sunday’ was written about eighty years ago, in Hungary. It’s an old song. And the urban legend is that this song... is called the ‘Suicide Song.’”

“The ‘Suicide Song?’” That sounded like something I could use for Kirikiri Basara.

“Tell me more!”

“The lyrics are about a girl remembering her dead lover. But in the end, she decides to kill herself.”

“Is that all? That’s not the only reason they call it the ‘Suicide Song,’ right?” There had to be something more sensational involved if an eighty-year-old song had earned urban legend status.

“There’s more to it than that. Here’s where it gets serious.” He paused for a moment to look around the café . Of course, there was nobody here but the four of us.

“It’s said that several hundred people around the world have listened to this song and then actually killed themselves.”

Several hundred...

If it had really negative lyrics, maybe someone who already wanted to commit suicide could hear it and then decide to do it? Was that possible?

“I don’t feel like dying right now, so I’m fine. ☆ What about you, Myu?”

“I think I’m fine too, but...”

“It’s not like every person who hears it kills themselves, I don’t think. If it were, there’d be more than a few hundred deaths. But there really are countries where this song is banned from the airwaves.”

“That sounds like something that has to do with mind control and hypnosis. I bet if you looked into it, you’d find some theories like that. I’ll keep that in mind next time I need a story.” It might be good to look it up when I had some free time.

“But it’s really weird, isn’t it, Gamotan?” Ryotasu must have been excited. Her cheeks were flushed

“Really? You can find urban legends about songs that make you kill yourself all over the world. It’s not really that special.”

“Not that! Why did your radio pick up that song?”

“Why? Oh, I see. I didn’t really tune the dial anywhere, did I?” Normally you’d only hear white noise. She was probably asking why it just happened to pick up “Gloomy Sunday” now. Sure, that was a little odd, but...

“But I’ve seen stuff like this before. Sometimes you just happen to have the right shortwave frequency to pick up a broadcast from some country somewhere.”

“That’s not it!” Ryotasu was fidgeting in frustration. Her melons heaved in time with each fidget. “That’s not it! Look, Gamotan. Your radio—” Ryotasu pointed to the power switch on the radio. “The power’s off.”

“Huh?” There was a switch that turned the power on and off. She was right. It was currently in the “off” position.

I didn’t remember touching the switch since I’d opened the case, but I could still hear the song coming from the speakers anyway. Me, Myu-Pom, and Master Izumin all fell silent as we looked at it. The only sound in the quiet café was a woman’s gloomy voice singing.