Chapter 11: Can't Stand the True Feelings

「Hey, wait.」

After all classes ended, I was heading to the faculty office with the class journal in hand.

I couldn't ignore the voice that called out from behind. It was the very familiar voice of my childhood friend.

When I turned around, Honoka was standing there. Her eyes waver uneasily as she watches my expression.

Before an awkward silence could flow, I spoke up first.

「...What is it? Do you need something from me?」

「Em, well... Kanato, you're avoiding me, aren't you?」

How much easier it would have been if I could have said "That's not true" with a fake smile. I lost the words to respond to Honoka and stood there with my mouth closed.

「...I knew it.」

Honoka's gaze drops sadly to the ground. Looking at her expression, sharp pain ran through my heart.

「Why are you avoiding me? Did I do something?」

「Em, that's...」

The lying beautiful girl that floated in my mind had a sadistic smile. If she saw this scene, she'd probably laugh at my troubled face.

「...Is it because you have Shigure-san?」

Suddenly I was struck by a sensation like my throat being constricted.

I couldn't possibly deny it, and I end up showing my agitated state to Honoka.

Seeing my expression and seeming to understand, Honoka stepped closer and said.

「You don't need me anymore because you have Shigure-san? Won't you talk to me anymore? Hey, why?」

「There's no way I don't need you! ...It's just.」

I debated whether I should say what came to my lips.

If I cover it up with a lie, would Honoka smile? Could I maintain our relationship with my momentary suffering?

After agonizing, I opened my mouth.

「...I overheard it. The other day after school, when you were talking.」

Honoka's expression became startled. She seemed to have an idea what I was talking about.

It would be sad if she had no idea, but it's even more painful when she does. I averted my gaze from Honoka.

「...I've always wondered. Why Honoka would bother with me when there's nothing good about being with me.」

「That's not, that was...」

「It's fine. ...Right now, I'd doubt anything I hear.」

The words that would come from Honoka's mouth were unbearable for me right now.

I hate myself for doubting when I say I hate lies. Living honestly in this modern society full of lies is impossible.

「With Shigure... it's just a coincidence. We got a little friendly so I thought I'd try.」

「...Kanato, you look kind of happy when you're with Shigure-san.」

Honoka said in a voice that seemed about to disappear.

I was made aware that there's a part of me unconsciously thinking about Shigure. There is a me who's had my heart stolen by a beautiful girl I only met two days ago after getting involved with her.

It's probably just my imagination. Concluding that, I face Honoka again.

「Not really. Being with such a liar just causes trouble.」

「Then why... with me instead...!」

Honoka opened her mouth as if wanting to say something, but didn't voice the words that followed.

「...Sorry. It's nothing.」

「...I see. Well, I've to go.」

I left the scene without waiting for Honoka's response, as if escaping. Honoka's gaze pierced painfully into my back.

▼▽

「Honokaー? Are you listening?」

「...Ah, s-sorry! I was spacing out a bit...」

At Sweets Paradise with the usual members, Honoka couldn't hide her melancholy expression.

Honoka's mind is filled with thoughts of her childhood friend. In the hallway where she mustered courage to talk to him, she couldn't convey her honest feelings. Faced with Kanato's rejection, her courage wavered.

(...Kanato was being considerate of me after all. If I had immediately said "that's not true" at that time... I hate my weak self the most.)

Honoka resented herself for creating this current situation. For Honoka, her relationship with Kanato, her only childhood friend, was a special relationship incomparable to anyone else's.

Kanato always listened when Honoka was troubled, and he was the one who helped her when she was being bullied.

That's why Honoka was grateful to Kanato and treasured their relationship.

「What's wrong, Honoka? You haven't touched your chocolate cake at all. ...Are you on a diet?」

「No, I'm not on a diet at all! ...I'm just worried about something.」

「What~ if you have problems, you should say so! We'll listen to your problems anytime if we can help?」

「Thanks... but I'm fine. It's my personal problem.」

Honoka covered up with her usual smile. The usual members, seeing that smile, didn't pursue it deeply.

(...I wanted him to come home with me instead of Shigure-san. I can't say something like that because I'm scared.)

While resenting her own shallow jealousy, Honoka quietly sighed.