Chapter 214: The Feeling of Being Needed

The drizzling rain continued to fall softly outside the window.

Inside this short-term rental apartment on the outskirts of Sapporo, the only sound was the faint scratching of a ballpoint pen against paper.

Kaoru Hoshitani sat upright in front of the slightly rickety wooden coffee table.

The black burner phone lay flat on the tabletop, its screen glowing.

He was holding an old ballpoint pen he’d found in the corner of a drawer, carefully copying something onto the back of a promotional flyer, stroke by stroke.

[Tamade Supermarket, three blocks on foot, bento half-price after 8:30 PM.]

[Old drugstore, two intersections east, no real-name registration required.]

[Nighttime emergency room address…]

[Avoid the patrol hours between 10 PM and 11 PM…]

Kaoru Hoshitani copied slowly, his handwriting neat and precise. When he finished the last line, he turned off the black phone’s screen, carefully hid it deep in the gap between the sofa cushions, and let out a long breath.

Staring at the crude note filled with “survival guide” tips, Kaoru Hoshitani’s heart beat faster and faster.

So… I can be useful too.

In this completely unfamiliar world, I’m not just some useless lump sitting on the sofa waiting for Aina Onee-san to come home and feed me.

The memo Chika had sent was like an invisible torch, instantly igniting the fuel called “self-worth” deep in Kaoru Hoshitani’s heart.

He didn’t want to be that fragile thing that could only be protected anymore!

Kaoru Hoshitani suddenly stood up, rolling up the wide sleeves of his hoodie, his eyes burning with a nearly stubborn determination.

He started working hard around the house.

He walked to the trash can in the corner of the kitchen and, following Chika’s text message instructions, dumped out all the garbage from last night and this morning to re-sort it.

He took the plastic wrapper from the rice ball to the sink, rinsed off the greasy stains until they were completely clean, then carefully packed it into the pink “plastic resource” trash bag along with the flattened egg carton.

Next, he took out the small stack of cash Aina Saiten had left behind.

He leaned over the coffee table like an elementary school student just learning arithmetic, biting the end of his pen, clumsily but earnestly drafting a spending plan:

“Rent… utilities… daily bento money…”

Numbers went up and down, the paper was covered in scribbles and corrections, but he was absorbed in the calculation.

At three in the afternoon, the rain let up briefly.

Kaoru Hoshitani put on his white mask, pulled his hood down low to cover most of his face, gathered his courage, and pushed open the apartment’s anti-theft door.

He wanted to scout out the “Tamade Supermarket” Chika had mentioned.

But the moment he actually walked downstairs and stood on the unfamiliar street, a cold wind blew past, and a strange woman riding a bicycle happened to ring her bell—

“Ring-ring!”

“!”

Kaoru Hoshitani flinched violently, his mind going completely blank.

Rika Kawasaki’s terrifying shadow loomed over him again. He even thought the cyclist might be a spy from the Quansheng Group.

An overwhelming sense of panic seized his breath.

He didn’t even make it to the corner of the convenience store block before turning pale and fleeing back to the apartment in a panic, locking the door tightly behind him.

No… I still can’t do it…

Kaoru Hoshitani leaned against the door, gasping for air, his eyes red.

The failure of his scouting attempt made him even more desperate to prove his worth inside the apartment.

He picked up a rag and knelt on the floor, scrubbing the wooden floorboards that were already spotless.

He scrubbed hard, until the floor let out sharp creaking sounds. He washed the half-bunch of greens left in the fridge again and again, reworked the leftovers from the discounted bento, and even clumsily simmered a small pot of steaming miso soup with the limited seasonings available.

Every task he completed, every floorboard he wiped clean, he silently told himself:

This way, when Aina Onee-san comes back, she can relax a little more.

This way, I’m not just a burden dragging her down.

This way… sneaking a look at Chika’s messages isn’t really betraying Aina Onee-san, is it?

This was his invisible fuel, and also the only shield he had against the guilt gnawing at his heart.

……

At 7:30 in the evening.

“Click”—the anti-theft door was pushed open from outside.

“I’m home…”

Aina Saiten’s voice sounded incredibly hoarse and weak.

She had hit walls everywhere today. It was a mess.

She’d interviewed at five restaurants and been rejected at every single one without exception.

She’d been caught in the rain again that evening, and to save bus fare, she’d forced herself to walk all the way back to the residential area.

At this moment, Aina Saiten’s hair was half-soaked from the rain, plastered against her pale cheeks. The hem of her dark coat was splattered with mud. In her hand, she carried a cheap plastic bag containing a discounted bento near its expiration date, snatched from the grocery store.

She lowered her head to change her shoes, even needing to take several deep breaths before she could force a somewhat presentable smile onto her face to reassure Akane.

It’s okay, Aina Saiten.

You’re Akane’s pillar of support. You absolutely cannot let him see that you can’t find a job…

However, when she looked up and took in the scene inside the apartment, she froze on the spot.

The place had been cleaned spotlessly, and even the air carried a fresh scent of soap.

The messy trash that had been piled up in the foyer was now properly sorted by category and neatly packed.

Under the warm, dim light of the dining room, a steaming pot of miso soup sat on the coffee table, with two sets of bowls and chopsticks arranged neatly beside it.

And at the center of it all.

Kaoru Hoshitani stood at the kitchen entrance, wearing that old apron.

There was a tiny smudge of dust on the tip of his nose from who knows where, and his cheeks were flushed slightly red from the heat of cooking.

He was clearly exhausted, his thin shoulders rising and falling faintly, but the eyes looking at Aina Saiten shone as brightly as if they held stars.

“Welcome home, Aina Onee-san.”

The boy looked at her and offered a soft smile.

“Buzz—”

The moment she saw this scene, the defenses Aina Saiten had been maintaining all day—beaten down by the cold reality outside, her self-esteem nearly shattered to pieces—were completely broken through.

Akane… he’s hurt so badly himself, still having nightmares every night… yet he’s working so hard for our home.

Aina Saiten stood frozen in the foyer. The scornful looks from the interviews, the humiliation of not having academic credentials, the overwhelming fear of the future…

All of it—every bit of negative emotion accumulated in that cold rain—transformed in an instant before this steaming pot of miso soup into a complex, surging whirlpool of emotion.

Her eyes reddened, and she abruptly dropped the plastic bag in her hand.

“Aina Onee-san? What’s—”

Before Kaoru Hoshitani could finish his sentence, Aina Saiten strode forward and pressed him tightly into her arms.

“Mmph!”

Aina Saiten held him with crushing force, her arms wrapped around Kaoru Hoshitani’s waist like iron bands.

She buried her cold cheek deep into the warmth of Kaoru Hoshitani’s neck, greedily breathing in the faint scent of soap on the boy’s skin.

This is my Akane…

Even if the whole world rejects me, even if I can’t find a job, even if I’m no longer that brilliant Toh-Dai graduate…

As long as I come back here, he’s still mine.

Intense heartache, guilt over not being able to provide a better life, panic over losing the future, and a possessive obsession desperate to confirm “what I still have”…

These four emotions blended together, fermenting rapidly inside Aina Saiten, transforming into a thick, burning desire.

She began kissing Kaoru Hoshitani urgently.

From his reddened earlobe, to his slender, vulnerable neck, to his slightly trembling cheek.

Aina Saiten’s breathing grew rapid and hot. Her hand slipped under the hem of that oversized hoodie, caressing the boy’s back.

“Aina Onee-san… you, you’re still wet…”

Kaoru Hoshitani was flustered by this sudden, fervent intimacy.

His face flushed, and he instinctively tried to step back, but Aina Saiten pressed him firmly against the wall behind him.

“Akane… my Akane…”

Aina Saiten murmured.

She didn’t stop. Instead, she pressed further, seeking the boy’s lips, desperate to confirm the real existence of this “home” through the most primal, most direct physical contact—to mend her shattered self-esteem.

Kaoru Hoshitani could feel Aina Saiten’s urgency.

He truly loved her too.

But when Aina Saiten’s impatient fingers pressed hard against the skin of his waist—

“!”

Kaoru Hoshitani’s body uncontrollably shuddered with a bone-chilling tremor.

Rika Kawasaki’s face twisted in an arrogant sneer. Rika Kawasaki’s violent, brutal act of pinning him down on that hotel bed and forcing herself on him—those cruel images flashed through his mind like lightning without warning!

A powerful wave of physical nausea surged into his throat.

No…

My body…

My body still remembers that disgusting feeling… so dirty…

Kaoru Hoshitani bit down hard on the tip of his tongue, using every ounce of strength he had not to shove Aina Saiten away like he was having some kind of episode.

He closed his eyes, reached out with trembling hands, and gently cupped Aina Saiten’s flushed, aroused cheeks, creating a small distance between them.

“Aina Onee-san…”

The boy kept his eyes lowered, his long lashes trembling violently like a startled butterfly.

His voice carried a shy, breathless quality, but beneath it was a weary plea only he could understand.

“The, the food is getting cold…”

Kaoru Hoshitani forced out a shy smile and pointed at the pot of miso soup still steaming on the coffee table.

“You’ve been out running around all day, you must be starving, right? Let’s… eat first… okay?”

On the surface, these words sounded like shy reluctance. In reality, they were the hardest escape Kaoru Hoshitani could manage in this moment to hide his body’s traumatic response.

He was so afraid.

Afraid he’d suddenly scream under Aina Saiten’s touch. Afraid this body of his—already dirtied and broken by someone else—would completely destroy the sense of security Aina Saiten had struggled so hard to find tonight.

Looking at the boy’s eyes, misted with moisture and carrying a hint of pleading.

The mad obsession in Aina Saiten’s eyes receded slightly.

Rationality slowly returned. Seeing Akane’s slightly pale face, guilt welled up in her heart.

I’ve been so selfish…

I was actually trying to pressure him like this, just to comfort myself.

“I’m sorry, Akane… did I hurt you?”

Aina Saiten gently smoothed down his hair, tousled from the struggle, and took a soft half-step back, offering an apologetic smile. “You’re right, I’m starving. Let’s eat first.”

……

Under the dim yellow light, the two sat across from each other.

Aina Saiten took a big sip of the steaming miso soup, and the corners of her eyes curved slightly at the warm, salty, savory flavor, as if the exhaustion of the past few days had been dispelled in that moment.

“It’s really good, Akane. Your cooking keeps getting better.”

“As long as Aina Onee-san likes it.”

Kaoru Hoshitani held the plain ceramic bowl in both hands, quietly watching Aina Saiten’s satisfied profile through the rising steam.

The cold rain continued to fall outside the window, but inside this small, ordinary apartment, there was a warmth that made one want to cry.

In this brief moment of peace, a nearly humble sense of happiness suddenly sprouted in Kaoru Hoshitani’s heart.

If only every day could be like this.

The boy lowered his head, looking at his own pale hands that never saw sunlight.

Through that thin layer of skin, he could almost see the wounds inside his body—torn apart by violence, still aching faintly.

If only my body… were still as clean as before.

If only it still belonged completely, entirely, to Aina Onee-san alone…