EPILOGUE

Several days had passed since Bash’s proposal.

“How shocking that Mr. Bash came to town to restore your reputation on top of his official duties, Lady Sonia! Who could have imagined that?”

The stain on Thunder Sonia’s personal image was being cleansed at a breakneck pace.

The reason the orc hadn’t defiled her that day? It wasn’t because she had old-person smell at all.

No. It was because her very loveliness, her pheromones, had captured the orc’s roguish heart!

Which had to mean that Thunder Sonia actually smelled great!

Ever since this new rumor started spreading, Sonia noticed young elves surreptitiously trying to sniff her and get a whiff of her fabled scent.

This made Thunder Sonia highly self-conscious, and she took to spritzing on extra perfume after every bath, not wanting people to know what she actually smelled like—whatever that was.

“Wiping out the zombie horde, restoring your good name, Lady Sonia… All the unpleasantness with the orc race that arose in the Shiwanashi Forest has been put to rest, and we have the orc to thank for it!”

“Hey! Don’t write off what happened after my battle with Bash as ‘unpleasantness with the orc race’! How dare you! …But you’re right. I’ll have to write and thank the orcs officially for the help. We can’t have them thinking the elves are ungracious!”

“So you’re going to thank them officially for clearing up the rumors about your stench, too?”

“…Stop bringing that up!!!”

Thunder Sonia huffed, gazing indignantly out the window.

From her home on high, the whole of the Shiwanashi Forest could be seen spread out below.

It was a peaceful scene, with the red-roofed houses all in neat rows, each painted with fire-resistant paint.

It was the kind of peaceful day they had been yearning for during all those long years of war.

If Sonia had been eaten by zombies the other day, then all this could have been lost.

The thought made her realize just how much she really owed to Bash.

And how grateful she should probably be to the vials of perfume arranged on her vanity, as well. You know. Her pheromones.

“Well, whatever! I wasn’t sure about him at first, but I’ll say it now: He’s a fine figure of a man! The orc race is full of blockheads and dunderheads, a bunch of ham-fisted, self-serving unsophisticated oafs! But the one they call the Orc Hero is clearly a man of distinction, with far more refined tastes!”

“You’re certainly an acquired taste yourself, Lady Sonia…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“That said, don’t you find it somewhat…unwise that you rejected an actual marriage proposal from such a great man?”

“You fool! I had to turn him down! If I hadn’t, the rumors about my old-person smell might have gone on unabated!”

“Yes, but you could have gotten married.”

Aconitum had a point.

Bash’s proposal had wiped away Sonia’s smelly reputation. Unfortunately, it came with an unpredicted side effect. Now Sonia’s reputation was too squeaky-clean. Almost holy, in fact. Yes, she had become Untouchable.

“Thunder Sonia’s virginity is the source of all her powers as the goddess protector of the elf race! No man must lie with her, for to do so would be tantamount to treason!”

That particular rumor had spread throughout elf country and into other countries beyond.

So now not only would no elf man dare to approach her, she was also flat out of luck in any of the other countries where the rumor had permeated. So much for her pinning her hopes on an unsuspecting foreign man, then.

Now that absolutely everyone assumed laying hands on Sonia’s sacred flesh would spark war with the elves, her marriage prospects had dried up like a zombie in the baking sun.

And to make matters worse, now everyone knew she was a twelve-hundred-year-old virgin!

Even Aconitum had been mocking her, saying things like, “For a woman with zero experience in the actual act of baby making, you sure are good at changing diapers.”

“Hmph! Hmph, I say! Who wants to marry a gross orc anyhow?! You know what the orcs do to their wives when they’re pregnant? They strip them naked and show them off all around the village! You’re saying you’d be fine if that ended up being me, are you?!”

“That doesn’t sound very good for the unborn baby. Still, this part of the world stays fairly warm all year round. Probably wouldn’t do the fetus any harm to have the bump exposed to the elements for a bit.”

“I’m talking about the shame!!! The shame brought down on the entire elf race!!”

“Now, now, Lady Sonia, don’t pass judgment. Many innocent elf women were subjected to worse during the war. Using the word shame in this context is basically victim blaming. You do realize that, don’t you? You really want to discriminate against women who sacrificed so much for the good of the elf nation…?”

“H-hold on! I’m not trying to discriminate against elf women! I’m just saying, I’d be ashamed if it happened to me. I mean, the nude female form shouldn’t be shown off to others, should it? No, it should be preserved for her husband’s eyes only…”

Thunder Sonia backpedaled frantically, shaking her head.

She was desperate to get married. She always thought she’d be fine with anyone, anyone at all, but it turned out that she had standards for her future, even after the marriage.

After all, she was the Elf Hero, Thunder Sonia, wasn’t she?

“I don’t know how it was during the war, but that sort of thing was outlawed in the treaty the orcs signed. So I’m sure that wouldn’t happen nowadays. And Mr. Bash seems like quite the gentleman. I’m certain he would have treated you with respect.”

“L-like heck he would have!”

Thunder Sonia crossed her arms, turned her face to the wall, and quietly seethed.

And yet there was a hint of a smirk on her lips.

She was thinking back on that fight against General Baraben.

She had sunk into the depths of despair, feeling completely outmatched, and was beginning to acknowledge defeat when that orc showed up. She could still see him, standing in front of her and guarding her with his body. She could see that broad, chiseled back. How masculine he was! How…protective!

“I won’t let them harm a single hair on your golden head.”

She hadn’t heard such a swoon-worthy line in a long time. And she’d lived a long time. Twelve hundred years, to be precise.

Sometimes it was nice to have someone else protecting her for a change. Someone who was willing to risk his own neck for hers. Someone brave.

The more she thought about it, the more handsome her mental image of Bash started to appear.

The mental image of Bash dropped Sonia a saucy wink, white tusks sparkling in the light.

“Well, if the orc comes back around and puts some real effort into wooing me, I may begin to warm up to him…just a little!”

“Oh…?”

“Elves live a long time, you know. I guess I could reward him with one night between the sheets… Or no, if he really insists, I could give him a baby. Just one, though! Yeah, we could make sure everything’s done respectfully. No parading me naked and pregnant through the streets, just so we’re clear on that. And if I became the bride of an Orc Hero, that would really make relations between the elves and the orcs so much friendlier. Yeah… I could do it! For the good of the elves! I could take one for the team!”

Aconitum sighed as he listened to Sonia rambling on.

His great-aunt was always like this.

She would openly protest until she was blue in the face, all the while hoping the person would persist, just so she didn’t seem too eager.

She would make up excuse after excuse for why she couldn’t just come out and say yes from the beginning.

“S-so anyway, where is he now? Where’s Bash? I warn you, I’m not agreeing to marriage or anything like that! Just… I should probably thank him again for his service, right? As a representative of the elf nation! Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Mr. Bash has already left town. He left the day after you rejected him.”

“Wh-what? He’s gone?!”

“Did you really think he’d keep coming back to, um, ‘woo’ you?”

“Nnng!!!”

“You do realize he’s an Orc Hero, don’t you? Not some lovestruck puppy you can string along for your own amusement. Can you imagine how many stunning women he must have mated with during the war? Women much younger and fresher than you, Granny…”

“Gack!”

Actually, Bash had never mated with anyone. But Aconitum had no way of knowing that.

Still, anyone would come to the same conclusion. An Orc Hero must surely have availed himself of all the spoils of war that he had earned.

And no one would express disgust over it, either. Because, after all, the orcs had been hit with heavy sanctions after the war, and they were doing their best to uphold the terms of the peace treaty. People respected that.

The important thing was to move forward and be better to one another in the future.

Even so, Thunder Sonia’s face was bright red.

It’s not like she thought of herself as a great catch, especially compared to younger female elves. But to have someone look her right in the eye and say, “Who’d want you, Grandma?” …Well, that stung! That hurt her feelings! That boiled her blood!

“I’m… I’m… I’m…!”

“Hmm?”

Thunder Sonia bellowed.

“I’m going on a journey!!!”

“Huh?”

“A journey! I won’t stay in this country another minute! I’m going far away, where the rumors can’t follow me! I’m going to find myself a man—or die trying!”

“…Hahhh…”

“You can’t stop me! My mind’s made up! I’m going! I am GOING!”

“…”

Aconitum raised one eyebrow sardonically as he gazed at the infuriated Thunder Sonia.

His great-aunt said the funniest things sometimes.

Half the things that came out of her mouth were ridiculous.

This was no doubt yet another one of her wild flights of fancy, the ones that never got off the ground.

And yet… Aconitum grinned slyly.

“I won’t stop you, Lady Sonia.”

“Y-you won’t?”

“Oh, no. You’ve given your life to the elves. Everyone’s relied on you far too long. You deserve to live life on your own terms for once. But as long as you stay here, you won’t be able to stop yourself from sticking your neck out for your people. So I think it’s a great idea for you to get away for a bit and see the world. Take advantage of peacetime and spread your wings, you know?”

“…”

Thunder Sonia’s lips flapped soundlessly.

She thought Aconitum would try to stop her. After all, she had so much to handle here in the elf country… Didn’t she?

“Yeah, but… Well…okay, if you say so… But are you sure it would really be all right? Could you all get along fine, without me?”

“Of course. Leave everything to me. I, Aconitum…well, all the elves, really…will shoulder the responsibility and take care of our country ourselves!”

“Oh… Oh, okay, then…”

Great. Now it was far too late for her to say, “Actually, I wasn’t serious. I just wanted to see how you’d react! Yikes!”

“…Okay, then. I’m going!”

“Have a nice trip!”

And so Thunder Sonia departed on a long journey.

A sightseeing tour around the whole world…in pursuit of the perfect husband.

At the same time, Bash was headed north.

Through thicket and bush, using his senses to orient himself northward.

Breeze had given him a hint, and that hint had formed his next objective.

He had to go north. In Dobanga Pit, in the dwarf country, there was a situation happening that was similar to the one he had just left in elf country.

Dwarf women weren’t exactly a favorite of the orcs.

Bash, too, much preferred human or elven women.

Still, the last hint he’d received from a human male—that is to say General Houston—had led him to an absolutely exquisite elf.

No doubt he could expect something similar with the next toss of the dice.

“Okay, so you struck out this time, Boss, but shake it off and focus on what’s coming up next! You can do it, Boss!”

“Right!”

Bash pressed on.

His fairy companion by his side. As always.