27 The Shadow Sighs at the Pride Of Men / The Second Commander Hates This World of Women

God is signaling for battle.

His raging presence... The air is thick with portents of violence.

-Shadow Tamika II-

What a disaster this is.

“Hey, Tamika. Do you know the color ‘coffee?’” I had always planned to one day curry favor with Golden, but she surprised me by coming to me instead... What good fortune. I get to rise up in the world as a worthless non-commissioned officer. No, thanks. This doesn’t make me happy. I want to run away.

“You don’t, I’ll bet. It’s a word I heard directly from God. It means ‘a heavenly, melting brown.’ Just like the color of your skin.” Don’t stroke my cheek. Don’t trace your fingers down my neck. Whoa! Is she gonna slide down to my breast?! I know we’re in a cave, but there are guards around... I mean, that’s not the problem! This is just creepy! M-My pulse is clearly elevated!

“L-L-Lady Golden! Surely you jest!”

“Mmh, so big and soft... yet just a little firm. Are you nervous?”

“O-O-Of course! I mean—” I try to wave my hands wildly, but I can’t break free. This chick’s got such monstrous strength! “We’re in the middle of battle! The elves ar-WHOA?!”

“They’re just some worthless scouts. No need to pay them any mind. More importantly, I’m captivated by this little grain... what color could it be?”

“Eep!” I can’t do this. I give up. My only choice is to let her have her way with my body. Damn vampires. Every one of them. I should put up a little resistance and then pretend to faint. Then I can use my Shadow Vision so my mind can at least escape... I doubt my virginity will be taken. Yeah. Wouldn’t want it to affect the taste of my blood.

Focusing on a fly that I poured my mana into, I swap places and...

Hm. The attack is relentless. Arrows weave through the trees. One guy’s armor is struck. He’ll be fine. Another’s skin is scratched. He’s done for. Looks painful. Poison that can kill vampires. I hear it’s extracted from frogs.

Water coils between the falling leaves—the Water Serpent spell. Any soldier touched by it seems to be suffering. Normally it enters through the esophagus and drowns the victim... More poison? How terrifying. What is the meaning behind choosing and executing this strategy? From what I can see, most of the dead are vampires. Judging from the numbers—3,000 vampires to their 500—it’s just a forced attack.

A fierce attack with a small force during the day, when the elves have the advantage, in a forest where they likely know the lay of the land, eh?

Mmh? Is that water mage the leader? Oh, right. He’s the leader of the main elven force on the Frontier. He’s strong. Orthodox, too. The length and speed of his Water Whips are top-class, and his orders are precise. He’s a master. A veteran like that for an enemy will be trouble. His quick instincts mean that he has few openings, whether he’s attacking or retreating.

So why is such a warrior leading a pointless strike like this?

Is there an ambush nearby? Switching to locust eyes... no, don’t see anything. How about a flank from the side or the rear? Switching to beetle eyes... no. Then from the sky? Bee eyes... Oh, what nice weather. There’s only one hawk in the sky.

In any case, it makes no sense. Which means there could be some abnormal mentality at work here.

Mmh... Oh, I see. Discontent, maybe? The Frontier received 2,500 elven reinforcements. Naturally, as leader of only a few hundred, he would lose command of the whole army. He was also forced to retreat in a previous battle, so I’m sure he was reprimanded for that. Took a hit to his pride. And it’s clear from the way he fights that he’s a prideful man. He’s outraged, with no place to put his anger.

In other words, he won’t be satisfied with a mere scouting mission, so he’s at least trying to turn it into a warm-up battle. A sad display of pride. That’s the meaning behind this attack.

The fool. Men often pull crazy stunts like this. Not satisfied with just doing crazy things, they also praise and extol others for their insanity and look up to them. They also talk about the aesthetics of ruin. It’s a philosophy I just can’t understand.

But if it’ll defeat the Demon God, I wouldn’t mind assisting.

See? Now Barebow’s joined the fight thanks to this manly romance—or simplicity, more like. I bet he thinks it’s a battle of destiny. But the truth is he’ll just be ridiculed, in my opinion. Can he really feel proud of this, as he watches his men die one after another? This is why war is so dumb... Ow!

“Mmh, finally awake are you?” Sh-She bit me! Golden bit my neck!

“Don’t worry. I didn’t suck your blood... I just licked you a bit. You wouldn’t wake up, so I felt the urge to push boundaries.” Don’t lick me, what the hell?! This is unreasonable. Ugh, my whole body is slimy!

This! This is why I hate vampires!

-Second Commander Arcsem I-

“What’s the matter, Arcsem? You look quite desperate!”

“Don’t hold back on my account, bloodsucker!” Dodging a swing of his battle hammer, I lash out with my Water Whip. I don’t need to hit him. I just need some space. My whip writhing, I lay a trap. The forest floor is fortified with tree roots and filled with water. Performing earth magic is difficult here, but my magic fits in perfectly.

“Did you not realize how large our force was before you attacked? Is that why you’ve become so frantic?”

“Don’t compare me to the likes of you!” I flick my whip and bring his attention upward. He doesn’t jump. Now eat this: a swarm of over a hundred Water Serpents! If even one touches you, they’ll steal your very breath away.

“Petty tricks!” Impossible. He cast Stone Shield at his feet? How was he able to wield earth magic so easily? Oh, the attack earlier. When he missed with his hammer, he crushed the earth and poured his mana into it. Leapfrogging off the shield, he comes again. Damn vampires.

“Now dieee!” The battlehammer, its hardness increased by magic, is an ugly lump of metal that represents the savage idea that “as long as it’s hard, it’s good.” I flex my whip, returning it to my hand. I manage to do it in time, but the blow is surprisingly powerful. Over half the water that made up my whip is scattered. The mana that was in it remains, however. It’s just enough for one spell.

Try this on for size... A circle of water current that will seal away a vampire... Stream Barrier!

“Tch! What a pain!” He jumps away? He should have just charged in. I would have put him to sleep for good. Fortunately, I managed to capture his foot for a second. His senses are dulling. Time to follow up.

“All you do is poke at weak points! Have you no spine?!”

“Traps are best suited for beasts.”

“Hah! I don’t think the guy who got caught in a beast trap should be barking!” He flings pebbles with magic; they accelerate until they’re flying too fast to be seen. The earth magic spell Stone Bullet.

I dodge, diving behind a tree for cover. I can hear the rocks slamming into the tree over and over. Their destructive power is surprising as well. Hmm, his presence has disappeared. Must have used the opportunity to run. A full-speed retreat, of course. Vampires have no shame or honor. They’re savages that only act based on battle instinct.

And... am I going to lose to that?

I had made up my mind to invade this place, but in the end I wasn’t able to draw out Golden. Despite killing so many while greatly outnumbered, we’ve endured great losses as well and are currently surrounded by the enemy. There’s no hope of reinforcements, either.

This isn’t how it was supposed to be... I thought I’d finally found the perfect opportunity. The plan had all started by using monsters to attack the human territory. A truly unoriginal scheme, filled with annoyances and with no chance for achievements. It then got diverted into a plan to draw out the vampires which, while irregular, was supposed to allow me an opportunity to fly my banner.

And then, suddenly, everything was ruined.

The Dragon Commander and Dragon Warrior had come along, and I was ordered to assist them with living in the human territory. Basically, I was relegated to being a woman’s bodyguard. But I took measures, and succeeded in luring out the vampires. Yet thanks to the machinations of women, victory escaped me.

Even now, interference has allowed my potential accolades to escape. It was, I think, a failure from the start when the woman known as Golden came into the picture. A vampire male would charge out to face me head-on, even bellowing his own name.

Women. Women are the bane of my existence. Always. Everywhere. Even on the battlefield.

That reminds me: the ape suspected of killing elves was a female. I disregarded it as impossible at the time, but a female human is still a woman; perhaps she did the impossible just to hurt me.

No, the real problem goes all the way back to the beginning... the goddesses—dragon and demon. The world fights over these two divine beings. Perhaps this is just my natural place in such a world. Is my purpose simply to die in a corner of the battlefield to suit the whims of a god?

As if I could accept that. Not that life. Not that death. I will continue to struggle, until I can finally teach them a lesson. Those damn women.