—Whew.

All right. I’ve sketched the bare outlines of five stories for you. Which did you want to hear in more detail first? Hmm, they were a bit too long for “outlines,” you say? And I spoke too quickly, and all my expressions were overdone, and simply listening tired you out? I see. …I see.

Well, I will admit to having warmed to my topic. …While I was speaking, you know. “Temperament”? Yes, I suppose it is temperament. Ahh, I wish you wouldn’t look so annoyed.

I may not look it, but I’m known for being “unexpectedly sociable and easy to get along with.” Yes, and when I say that, everyone gives me dubious looks, just as you’re doing now. I’m quite used to it. It doesn’t bother me. Listen, though, I’ve been talking all this time by myself, and I’ve gotten thirsty. I’ll just help myself to that tea.

…Oh. It’s gone, isn’t it. When did that happen?

What? Me? I drank it all? While talking a blue streak? Surely not. Truly? I don’t remember that. Are you sure it wasn’t you who drank… Beg pardon, I’ve said something uncalled for again. I shouldn’t have doubted you; I apologize.

Please don’t be disgusted with me. It’s a shame to waste our encounter, our conversation. Why don’t we work together to make this time meaningful for both of us?

…Yes, I know, I’ll also endeavor to simplify my tales in the future.

I don’t want you to dislike me, you see.

Now then, which story should we examine first? Did you have any questions? You leave it up to me. I see.

Were you paying proper attention to the outlines? ………No, never mind. My method of telling them seems to have been partly to blame. In any case, I hope my stories will be of some help to you as you choose your life partner.

I’ll start with the story about the boy and the girl, then. Yes, them, the two who appeared in the second story. These two are very close. In fact, I think it’s likely that they’ve never fought at all.

The boy is generally amiable by nature, while the girl can be a bit…or rather, quite selfish, and self-important, and quarrelsome. The boy is often run ragged by the girl, but he never complains.

…What’s that? Is he just putting up with her? Is putting up with things an inevitable part of living with a partner? My, my, your face has gone quite gloomy. Are you all right?

Well, that’s probably true. Still, with these two, it’s a bit different. To the boy, the girl’s selfishness and self-important, unreasonable manner of speaking are pleasant things. He feels they give him an honest picture of her heart, you see.

For that reason, the boy sincerely treasures this girl, who deals with him directly and hides nothing.

You look worried. Mm, you aren’t confident you can think like the boy?

Heh-heh-heh… Beg pardon, that isn’t it. I wasn’t laughing at you.

I mean it. I’m not lying. Ah, I do mean it. I only remembered something. A time when the boy was troubled by the girl’s willfulness and was feeling terribly blue.

The boy is quite clever at dealing with people, but when the girl made an unreasonable request, he wasn’t able to comply with it, and he was also unable to sidestep it. He was tossed about awkwardly from start to finish. Apologies to the individual in question, but he was a sight to behold, a true masterpiece. I did console him, but… Well, the point is, these things do happen.

Well? Was that useful? …You don’t know. I see.

…Come to think of it, I was a bit clumsy that day, and
I

No, I’m just talking to myself. Don’t mind me.

Next, then, I’ll talk about the clown and his all-too-serious friend. Which story was that again? The fourth? Hmm, you…don’t remember either, do you? Never mind.

In any case, these two are also very close. That said, it isn’t that they’ve never fought, like the boy and the girl. They fight constantly. Well, maybe it isn’t quite fighting.

The clown toys with his friend, and the friend scolds the clown. That sort of relationship. I expect it’s a significant source of stress for the friend.

It probably is a source of stress for him, but still… Even as he scolds the clown every day, the friend is very considerate of him. One could even say he worries about him. True to his name, you see, the clown wears a mask, and he almost never shows his true face to anyone.

I see, your partner is like that as well; they tend to hide their true feelings. It certainly is troubling to have someone like that suddenly tell you they want you to be their life partner.

Let’s see. In that case, invite them to drink with you. Liquor weakens the heart’s defenses, you see.

Me? No, I can’t drink at all. I’m what you’d call a teetotaler. …I wish you wouldn’t look at me so coldly. I shouldn’t talk about alcohol when I don’t drink? Oh, I can speak of it. Though I myself don’t drink, I’ve kept others company while they indulged.

It felt the same way when I shared a table with those two as they drank. The clown’s friend has an unbelievably high tolerance for alcohol, but the liquor he drank that time didn’t seem to agree with him. He got sick and collapsed. …But even in that state, the friend spoke to the clown.

The words he said were kind. When he heard them, the clown looked ashamed and said, “Thank you.” It was a face he could never have shown to his friend had the friend been sober.

Did that story prove useful? Not at all, apparently. Oh, you can’t drink, either? Ah, well then.

…Hmm. What next? All right, the story where things weren’t going well may actually be more useful, even if it is a negative example.

The story about the brothers, I mean. Where did that one come in the sequence…? It hardly matters. …Third? My. You remember this story well, don’t you? The little brother interested you? My friend, you have strange taste in men… No, nothing. Moving on.

Their relationship is…not a partnership, exactly. Well, they are brothers, after all. And they are bound by ties of blood, more strongly than any partners, but their relationship isn’t a good one, and that’s putting it mildly. …No, they don’t hate each other.

The younger brother constantly parades his fondness for his older brother, no matter who’s watching.

The older brother does feel affection for his younger brother, but… Yes, he doesn’t think he’s quite up to dealing with him. He feels small and incompetent around him, as if he doesn’t properly understand him… Mm, it’s difficult to know how to put it. It’s a rather convoluted matter.

In fact, the younger brother does seem to be keeping several secrets from the older brother. Yes, I stumbled onto them by coincidence, and at the time, to be honest, I feared for my life.

The secrets? If I told you about those in detail, it would take a long time, so I’ll refrain. …Hmm? You want to hear? No matter what?

Mm, but no, I don’t think I’ll talk about them. No matter how much time we had, it wouldn’t be enough, and even if I talked about them for ages, I doubt you’d understand.

No, don’t be angry. The tale is just that troublesome and tiresome, so please, don’t be angry. Ah, yes, I certainly could have phrased it better. I apologize. I’ll bring some sort of present to make up for it next time we meet. Ask for anything.

In order to cheer you up, then, why don’t I talk about a happy…funny story, next? It’s about the boy I spoke of earlier. No, no, not more of the story with the girl. The story about the boy and his valet.

You don’t remember that one at all? ………I see.

All right, let me tell it again. Yes, I know, “briefly.”

It was a rainy night. I was asleep in the building where the two of them live when, all of a sudden, I was awakened by the valet’s yell. What a nuisance. I’d been sleeping quite comfortably. I turned in the direction of the yell, intending to complain, and what do you think I saw?

They were lighting fireworks outside. You know what fireworks are, don’t you? Yes, the things they launch into the sky on clear days at festivals and things, the ones that sparkle and emit loud bangs. There are small fireworks, nothing as grand as those, that can be held in the hand and played with.

………Yes, that’s right.

In the rain, mind you. The valet was holding an umbrella, and the boy was under it. Why were they doing that, you ask?

I couldn’t say. I’d love to know the answer to that myself.

It isn’t particularly funny? I see. It might be hard to understand just how odd it was without having seen it for yourself.

After that, in retaliation for having my slumber disturbed, I crept up on the valet and startled him. When I called to him suddenly from behind, he turned around, and the moment he saw me, he started extravagantly, slipped, and fell. He and I have met before, but he seems not to like me very much.

I do like him, you know, for my part. It just doesn’t go well. Every time I approach him and attempt to make friends, he screams, you see… Haaah.

Ah, enough about me; that isn’t important. We’re speaking of life partners now. Hmm? That last part was a bit amusing? I’m happy to hear that. Although I do think you’re quite rude. Well, what do you think? Have any of the stories you’ve heard so far been useful?

…I see. That’s a pity.

Well, then, would you tell me about this individual, the one you’re not certain whether to choose as your life partner? I think I’ll be able to tell you a more useful story that way.

…………………

Ha-haah, you fought hammer and tongs at your first meeting. That must have been terrible. And then your interests didn’t match up, your tastes in foods weren’t compatible, and you quarreled about every little thing? I see. If someone like that asked to be your life partner, you certainly would hesitate.

All right.

In that case, I think the very first story I told may be the most useful. Do you remember that one at all?

“Vaguely”… Well, I do seem to have taken a very long time to tell it. That’s fine.

It was a story about a pair whose interests, preferences, and personalities were completely different, and who seemed entirely incompatible.

I don’t quite know what to call the two of them.

They were friends, on equal terms with each other, and they were also master and servant. Their relationship was very… I’m not sure whether I can simply call it “good.”

I have a rather close connection with them, you see. They intrigued me, and I often watched them. At first glance, they really didn’t appear to feel any affection for each other whatsoever. Their views often clashed, and they’d quarrel.

From their conversations, I learned that their first meeting had been about as bad as it could possibly be.

That’s just like you two, isn’t it?

Then, a while ago, I picked up something one of them had dropped at Lutwidge Academy. I’d intended to return it immediately, but I couldn’t. He got the idea that I’d stolen it, and he chased me. It was terribly impressive.

I was so frightened that I forgot about giving it back and simply ran—

No, I’ve made at least half of that up.

It amused me, you see. He normally acted cool and collected, and I’d never seen him look so desperate before; it was funny. My urge to play with him won out over logic. Sometimes such things happen, even to me. …I did regret it later. As you’d expect. Yes.

I managed to return what he’d dropped that night.

Now then.

He chased me with such ghastly force in an attempt to recover something. Do you remember what it was?

…It was a present.

A present his friend had given him. A tasteful leather bookmark. Yes, that’s right. It was very precious to him. I’m glad that part came through, even in my tale.

They quarreled constantly, thought nothing of throwing harsh words at each other, and they seemed to be near opposites, but they were always together. It was as if they both considered it only natural. ……Ah, that’s right.

I know how to describe them now.

This is just my subjective opinion, but I think it’s most appropriate to call them “sworn allies.”

That’s how it strikes me.

Friends who’d pledged something to each other. I don’t know what it was they pledged, and I have no idea if an actual pledge was ever made. Still, there certainly was a pledge between them… At least, that’s what I think.

Listen, my friend.

Do you feel a pledge between yourself and the one who may become your life partner?

…I’m sorry. It seems I’ve made you worry overmuch.

I’d hoped my stories might prove useful, but they don’t seem to have done so. I’m not much good, am I…

Hm? What are those two doing now? …Well.

“”

Whoops! My mistress seems to be calling me.

It is close to mealtime, come to think of it.

We’ll continue this story next time. It’s rather difficult to tell about what happened to the two of them after that.

I’m off. Oh, but, that’s right. In closing:

Life is long and filled with hardship. In order to see it through without regret, you need a partner who’s irreplaceable. If you’ve found your life partner, no matter what sort of partner they are, I hope you’ll make sure you never lose them. Because that’s…a very sad thing indeed.

All right. We’ll meet again.

Oh, that’s right. Come to think of it, even though it’s our fifth meeting, I haven’t introduced myself yet, have I?

My name is